Doogie Howser, M.D. (1989) s01e24 Episode Script
Breaking Up Is Hard to Doogie
You know, of course, that diamonds are a girl's best friend.
This is our proof.
Marilyn sure could fill out a bathing suit.
Janine.
Do that again.
I love this going together stuff.
Why don't you guys turn on body heat? It's on cable.
Vinnie, we watched that last week.
How much do you remember? I remember you needed a good toweling off.
Maybe we should just go bowling.
Why don't you three go? Drop me off on the way.
We agreed to stay in.
Your folks won't be home till 11:00.
We're not in the mood.
Yeah.
We are.
End of discussion.
Got anything to eat? Stimulation works up a guy's appetite.
Help yourself.
Janine, you animal.
Ha ha.
What are you doing with that drumstick? That's a dangerous weapon.
They're like a couple of kids.
I can't believe we were once like that.
So Do you want to? Want to what? You know.
Sure If you do.
Good.
How can Dr.
Russo afford such an expensive car? He's 32.
I know his dad still gives him money.
Handsome, wealthy, great car.
I can see what spaulding sees in him.
What? Just because he drives a Porsche doesn't mean he's not a loser.
Is there a problem, doctor? How can a guy drive something that gets 12 miles to the gallon? He should feel personally responsible for depleting the ozone layer.
Jerk.
Hey, doogie.
What do you know about Gary Russo? Good doctor, incredible car.
I know that.
What do you know about him and spaulding dating? They're going out? Never mind.
Jack.
You've had a lot of relationships.
How do you know when they're over? Well When a woman does this It's a pretty good sign.
Very funny, Jack.
Hey, I wasn't joking.
Dr.
mcguire, sign my cast? Sandy.
Don't tell me you're leaving.
Couldn't we find anything else wrong with you? Oh, Jack, you're so funny.
I'm really going to miss you.
Take care of yourself.
Bye.
"I'm going to miss you, Jack.
" What's your problem? You're so obvious, mcguire.
It's sad.
She was my patient.
Now you're using your degree as a come-on.
Get off my back, spaulding.
Fact is, you don't know anything about me.
I know all i need to know.
You're a fine judge of character.
Look at the guys you go out with.
What does that mean? Nothing.
Good.
It's just not the same.
It's like Wanda and i have lost something.
How long have you been together? Um, eight months this Saturday.
We're supposed to go to the spring break dance.
You don't want to go? It's not that.
It's i don't know.
It's just so strange.
At first I couldn't wait to be with her.
Now What you're going through is normal.
It's just confusing.
I'm not sure I don't want to be with her.
Look, you are only 16.
Enjoy it.
Don't beat yourself up so much.
I really care about her.
Just because we have problems Doogie, I understand you feel guilty about this, but at your age, it's normal to have a lot of relationships.
I'll tell you what.
I have a marital group coming in tonight.
Why don't you and Wanda come? You'll both see the problems that some adults face.
Might give you some insight into your own relationship.
Good evening, Cindy.
That's why I believe in god Because god created nurses so doctors wouldn't have to go to singles' bars.
Russo, you're unbelievable.
Take spaulding, for example.
She's having dinner at my house tonight.
Bet she's wearing my pajamas in the morning.
I wouldn't be sure.
Like shooting fish in a barrel.
Take my word for it, it's a sure thing.
Mcguire, tell these guys Is spaulding an easy mark? Can it, Russo.
It's like taking candy from a baby, right? You got a big mouth.
She's our friend.
Yeah.
From what I hear, she's everybody's friend.
Hey, hey.
When we got married, I thought we'd get our own place.
We're living with his parents.
What's wrong with my parents? Where should I start? We can't afford a place.
I'm almost embarrassed, but we've been lucky.
Our careers are taking off.
He became a vp in march.
I did in April.
What about romance? I think we've been very romantic lately.
In fact, it's better than ever.
I couldn't agree more.
This one All she thinks about is sex.
In the morning, after lunch, during Carson.
Personally, I'm fulfilled.
A bumpy ride in the car fulfills you.
Our relationship has never seemed so fulfilling.
Getting separated was the smartest thing we ever did.
I don't understand it.
We're at an age where we should be enjoying our lives.
Since the kids left, it's just the two of us.
It's been very lonely.
What are you talking about? The kids left home 20 years ago.
Who would have guessed when we got married we'd end up like this? Face it, the years haven't been kind.
person can do that to you.
What is that disgusting noise? I'm brushing my teeth, my little Wanda bear.
Coming to bed? I was looking forward to it.
Forget it.
We did that last month.
Ow.
Ooh.
Ooh.
My back is killing me.
What a surprise.
You've been climbing through that window for the last 47 years.
Use the door.
I just came by to tell you that Janine and i are celebrating our 30th anniversary in style tonight.
I can finally kiss my virginity goodbye.
You men are all alike.
Excuse me.
Has anyone seen my teeth? They're in your mouth, mom.
Oh.
So they are.
You're a very old and beautiful woman, Mrs.
h.
Thank you.
Who are you? Come on, everybody! The fish are biting.
Oh, David, not now.
Time for his medication.
Won't they ever move out? Vinnie, it's late.
Get the hell out of here.
I want to be alone with my wife.
Why? O.
K.
I'm going.
Eh.
Oh, god.
Jack? How are you doing? I'm fine.
Can I take a look? Ooh.
It is kind of sexy.
Listen, it was sweet of you, sticking up for me.
No one has ever defended my honor before.
Forget it.
I just can't believe you'd even consider dating a creep like Russo.
The guy uses women like handi wipes.
You're right.
I agree.
Russo's a jerk.
When did you start caring who I date? I don't care if you don't think you deserve better.
Jack, what's going on here? Nothing.
You're taking this a little personally.
You're acting like a scorned lover.
Wait a minute.
That's it, isn't it? Mcguire, you're jealous.
Get out of here.
You are.
That's what this is all about.
You like me, Jack.
You just can't admit it.
You are way off, spaulding.
Well, look.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm flattered.
I think it's cute.
Oh, please.
We're Friends, we're co-workers.
That's it.
Fine.
Fine.
We're friends.
Look, Dr.
mcguire, if you would ever want to discuss this over Dinner, maybe a movie I'm available Just as friendly colleagues, of course.
God, I'm good-looking.
If I was a woman, I'd want me.
Come on.
Get dressed.
I'm not sure I'm going to this dance.
You're making this Wanda thing bigger than it is.
Doog, relationships are like ships at sea Rising and falling with each wave.
Sometimes there's stormy seas, other times, it's calm waters.
You and Janine have been dating three weeks.
Suddenly you're the Jacques cousteau of love? This is serious.
Our relationship's become ordinary.
You haven't called Wanda in two days.
What's the point? I call her, we go out, years go by, we become miserable.
With a babe like Wanda? You wouldn't have to twist my arm.
You're actually thinking about breaking up? I don't know.
I guess, if she feels the same way.
Find out for me.
You want me to call Wanda? No.
Janine.
She's the next best thing.
Right.
Wanda thinks it, Janine knows it.
Hello? Buon giorno, gianina.
Bon journo, Vincenzo.
I was just thinking about you.
What were you thinking, that I'm this incredible stud, and you're thrilled i came into your life? No.
That wasn't it.
Look, i was wondering, has Wanda said anything to you about her and doogie? Not really.
He's asking about you and doogie.
Has he said anything to you? Well, he did say something about being kind of bored.
I didn't say bored.
Well, I don't think Wanda knows what she feels anymore.
Ask if there's someone else.
Do you think Wanda's seeing someone else? Is doogie? Are you kidding? You think she still loves him? I don't know, Vinnie.
How about doogie? He still love her? I don't know, either, Janine.
Canfield.
Excuse me.
Dr.
mcguire.
Dr.
canfield.
Hi.
I'm meeting a friend for dinner.
That's what most people do at restaurants.
Good one.
Well, actually, it's not a friend.
It's nurse spaulding.
We're going to discuss a case.
That's Good, Jack.
Hi, Jack.
Hi, Dr.
canfield.
Well, hello, curly.
Have a nice dinner, Dr.
mcguire.
So, I had to decide where to do my residency Here or Bellevue.
After carefully weighing all the factors, I chose eastman.
What made up your mind? Bellevue turned me down.
Well, their loss is our loss.
Careful, Jack.
We might be having too much fun for colleagues.
Ok.
Enough.
What do you want me to say? I'm glad we did this.
I like you, all right? Oh, Jack, stop, please.
You're embarrassing me.
Give me a break, curly.
You've never made it very easy for me to tell you how I felt.
Ok.
You're right.
I might have misjudged you.
You've been a perfect gentleman tonight.
Maybe you're not the operator i thought you were.
Well, I haven't exactly tried to live that reputation down.
Guess it started to get in the way, huh? Can I tell you something? I like this Jack mcguire a lot more.
Your check, sir.
I got this.
Uh-uh.
We split it.
This wasn't a date, remember? This was really fun.
I had a good time.
Yeah.
Me, too.
Look, what would you say if I asked you out on a real date? Like where you pick me up, and we're all nervous, then you kiss me good night? Yeah.
I'd say Sure.
I'd love to.
Great.
How about tomorrow night? Sounds perfect.
Here you go.
Thank you.
Wait.
Look.
Now all you have to do is pick me up.
Good to see you're not working too hard.
You'll find the answer any day with every beat of my heart I keep getting closer to you with every beat of my heart, now, I know we're getting closer to love with every beat of my heart with every beat of my heart Wanda Doogie You go first.
No.
You.
Wanda, I've been thinking.
Yeah.
Me, too.
Guess we've been thinking about the same thing.
Probably.
I've been thinking a lot about Mike and Andrea.
Why? Because they just broke up.
They broke up? They were so tight, I thought they'd be together forever.
Me, too.
Now they say they hate each other.
I don't want that to happen to us.
Yeah.
Neither do I.
I mean, we can still be friends, can't we? Yeah.
Sure.
Friends.
I guess this means we're officially broken up.
Yeah.
I guess.
Let's not tell anyone tonight, ok? Ok.
What do we do now? I don't know.
You want to dance? Sure.
By now if you don't know me you will never, never, never know me no, you won't ooh if you don't know me by now you will never, never never know me ooh we all got our own funny moods I've got mine woman, you got yours, too just trust in me like I trust in you as long as we've been together it should be so easy to do if you don't know me by now if you don't know me you will never
This is our proof.
Marilyn sure could fill out a bathing suit.
Janine.
Do that again.
I love this going together stuff.
Why don't you guys turn on body heat? It's on cable.
Vinnie, we watched that last week.
How much do you remember? I remember you needed a good toweling off.
Maybe we should just go bowling.
Why don't you three go? Drop me off on the way.
We agreed to stay in.
Your folks won't be home till 11:00.
We're not in the mood.
Yeah.
We are.
End of discussion.
Got anything to eat? Stimulation works up a guy's appetite.
Help yourself.
Janine, you animal.
Ha ha.
What are you doing with that drumstick? That's a dangerous weapon.
They're like a couple of kids.
I can't believe we were once like that.
So Do you want to? Want to what? You know.
Sure If you do.
Good.
How can Dr.
Russo afford such an expensive car? He's 32.
I know his dad still gives him money.
Handsome, wealthy, great car.
I can see what spaulding sees in him.
What? Just because he drives a Porsche doesn't mean he's not a loser.
Is there a problem, doctor? How can a guy drive something that gets 12 miles to the gallon? He should feel personally responsible for depleting the ozone layer.
Jerk.
Hey, doogie.
What do you know about Gary Russo? Good doctor, incredible car.
I know that.
What do you know about him and spaulding dating? They're going out? Never mind.
Jack.
You've had a lot of relationships.
How do you know when they're over? Well When a woman does this It's a pretty good sign.
Very funny, Jack.
Hey, I wasn't joking.
Dr.
mcguire, sign my cast? Sandy.
Don't tell me you're leaving.
Couldn't we find anything else wrong with you? Oh, Jack, you're so funny.
I'm really going to miss you.
Take care of yourself.
Bye.
"I'm going to miss you, Jack.
" What's your problem? You're so obvious, mcguire.
It's sad.
She was my patient.
Now you're using your degree as a come-on.
Get off my back, spaulding.
Fact is, you don't know anything about me.
I know all i need to know.
You're a fine judge of character.
Look at the guys you go out with.
What does that mean? Nothing.
Good.
It's just not the same.
It's like Wanda and i have lost something.
How long have you been together? Um, eight months this Saturday.
We're supposed to go to the spring break dance.
You don't want to go? It's not that.
It's i don't know.
It's just so strange.
At first I couldn't wait to be with her.
Now What you're going through is normal.
It's just confusing.
I'm not sure I don't want to be with her.
Look, you are only 16.
Enjoy it.
Don't beat yourself up so much.
I really care about her.
Just because we have problems Doogie, I understand you feel guilty about this, but at your age, it's normal to have a lot of relationships.
I'll tell you what.
I have a marital group coming in tonight.
Why don't you and Wanda come? You'll both see the problems that some adults face.
Might give you some insight into your own relationship.
Good evening, Cindy.
That's why I believe in god Because god created nurses so doctors wouldn't have to go to singles' bars.
Russo, you're unbelievable.
Take spaulding, for example.
She's having dinner at my house tonight.
Bet she's wearing my pajamas in the morning.
I wouldn't be sure.
Like shooting fish in a barrel.
Take my word for it, it's a sure thing.
Mcguire, tell these guys Is spaulding an easy mark? Can it, Russo.
It's like taking candy from a baby, right? You got a big mouth.
She's our friend.
Yeah.
From what I hear, she's everybody's friend.
Hey, hey.
When we got married, I thought we'd get our own place.
We're living with his parents.
What's wrong with my parents? Where should I start? We can't afford a place.
I'm almost embarrassed, but we've been lucky.
Our careers are taking off.
He became a vp in march.
I did in April.
What about romance? I think we've been very romantic lately.
In fact, it's better than ever.
I couldn't agree more.
This one All she thinks about is sex.
In the morning, after lunch, during Carson.
Personally, I'm fulfilled.
A bumpy ride in the car fulfills you.
Our relationship has never seemed so fulfilling.
Getting separated was the smartest thing we ever did.
I don't understand it.
We're at an age where we should be enjoying our lives.
Since the kids left, it's just the two of us.
It's been very lonely.
What are you talking about? The kids left home 20 years ago.
Who would have guessed when we got married we'd end up like this? Face it, the years haven't been kind.
person can do that to you.
What is that disgusting noise? I'm brushing my teeth, my little Wanda bear.
Coming to bed? I was looking forward to it.
Forget it.
We did that last month.
Ow.
Ooh.
Ooh.
My back is killing me.
What a surprise.
You've been climbing through that window for the last 47 years.
Use the door.
I just came by to tell you that Janine and i are celebrating our 30th anniversary in style tonight.
I can finally kiss my virginity goodbye.
You men are all alike.
Excuse me.
Has anyone seen my teeth? They're in your mouth, mom.
Oh.
So they are.
You're a very old and beautiful woman, Mrs.
h.
Thank you.
Who are you? Come on, everybody! The fish are biting.
Oh, David, not now.
Time for his medication.
Won't they ever move out? Vinnie, it's late.
Get the hell out of here.
I want to be alone with my wife.
Why? O.
K.
I'm going.
Eh.
Oh, god.
Jack? How are you doing? I'm fine.
Can I take a look? Ooh.
It is kind of sexy.
Listen, it was sweet of you, sticking up for me.
No one has ever defended my honor before.
Forget it.
I just can't believe you'd even consider dating a creep like Russo.
The guy uses women like handi wipes.
You're right.
I agree.
Russo's a jerk.
When did you start caring who I date? I don't care if you don't think you deserve better.
Jack, what's going on here? Nothing.
You're taking this a little personally.
You're acting like a scorned lover.
Wait a minute.
That's it, isn't it? Mcguire, you're jealous.
Get out of here.
You are.
That's what this is all about.
You like me, Jack.
You just can't admit it.
You are way off, spaulding.
Well, look.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm flattered.
I think it's cute.
Oh, please.
We're Friends, we're co-workers.
That's it.
Fine.
Fine.
We're friends.
Look, Dr.
mcguire, if you would ever want to discuss this over Dinner, maybe a movie I'm available Just as friendly colleagues, of course.
God, I'm good-looking.
If I was a woman, I'd want me.
Come on.
Get dressed.
I'm not sure I'm going to this dance.
You're making this Wanda thing bigger than it is.
Doog, relationships are like ships at sea Rising and falling with each wave.
Sometimes there's stormy seas, other times, it's calm waters.
You and Janine have been dating three weeks.
Suddenly you're the Jacques cousteau of love? This is serious.
Our relationship's become ordinary.
You haven't called Wanda in two days.
What's the point? I call her, we go out, years go by, we become miserable.
With a babe like Wanda? You wouldn't have to twist my arm.
You're actually thinking about breaking up? I don't know.
I guess, if she feels the same way.
Find out for me.
You want me to call Wanda? No.
Janine.
She's the next best thing.
Right.
Wanda thinks it, Janine knows it.
Hello? Buon giorno, gianina.
Bon journo, Vincenzo.
I was just thinking about you.
What were you thinking, that I'm this incredible stud, and you're thrilled i came into your life? No.
That wasn't it.
Look, i was wondering, has Wanda said anything to you about her and doogie? Not really.
He's asking about you and doogie.
Has he said anything to you? Well, he did say something about being kind of bored.
I didn't say bored.
Well, I don't think Wanda knows what she feels anymore.
Ask if there's someone else.
Do you think Wanda's seeing someone else? Is doogie? Are you kidding? You think she still loves him? I don't know, Vinnie.
How about doogie? He still love her? I don't know, either, Janine.
Canfield.
Excuse me.
Dr.
mcguire.
Dr.
canfield.
Hi.
I'm meeting a friend for dinner.
That's what most people do at restaurants.
Good one.
Well, actually, it's not a friend.
It's nurse spaulding.
We're going to discuss a case.
That's Good, Jack.
Hi, Jack.
Hi, Dr.
canfield.
Well, hello, curly.
Have a nice dinner, Dr.
mcguire.
So, I had to decide where to do my residency Here or Bellevue.
After carefully weighing all the factors, I chose eastman.
What made up your mind? Bellevue turned me down.
Well, their loss is our loss.
Careful, Jack.
We might be having too much fun for colleagues.
Ok.
Enough.
What do you want me to say? I'm glad we did this.
I like you, all right? Oh, Jack, stop, please.
You're embarrassing me.
Give me a break, curly.
You've never made it very easy for me to tell you how I felt.
Ok.
You're right.
I might have misjudged you.
You've been a perfect gentleman tonight.
Maybe you're not the operator i thought you were.
Well, I haven't exactly tried to live that reputation down.
Guess it started to get in the way, huh? Can I tell you something? I like this Jack mcguire a lot more.
Your check, sir.
I got this.
Uh-uh.
We split it.
This wasn't a date, remember? This was really fun.
I had a good time.
Yeah.
Me, too.
Look, what would you say if I asked you out on a real date? Like where you pick me up, and we're all nervous, then you kiss me good night? Yeah.
I'd say Sure.
I'd love to.
Great.
How about tomorrow night? Sounds perfect.
Here you go.
Thank you.
Wait.
Look.
Now all you have to do is pick me up.
Good to see you're not working too hard.
You'll find the answer any day with every beat of my heart I keep getting closer to you with every beat of my heart, now, I know we're getting closer to love with every beat of my heart with every beat of my heart Wanda Doogie You go first.
No.
You.
Wanda, I've been thinking.
Yeah.
Me, too.
Guess we've been thinking about the same thing.
Probably.
I've been thinking a lot about Mike and Andrea.
Why? Because they just broke up.
They broke up? They were so tight, I thought they'd be together forever.
Me, too.
Now they say they hate each other.
I don't want that to happen to us.
Yeah.
Neither do I.
I mean, we can still be friends, can't we? Yeah.
Sure.
Friends.
I guess this means we're officially broken up.
Yeah.
I guess.
Let's not tell anyone tonight, ok? Ok.
What do we do now? I don't know.
You want to dance? Sure.
By now if you don't know me you will never, never, never know me no, you won't ooh if you don't know me by now you will never, never never know me ooh we all got our own funny moods I've got mine woman, you got yours, too just trust in me like I trust in you as long as we've been together it should be so easy to do if you don't know me by now if you don't know me you will never