Deadloch (2023) s02e01 Episode Script

1
[MAN] We've recruited
an interstate detective to lead the case.
Detective Eddie Redcliffe is my name.
I'm from Darwin. I'm running the show.
And I want to get this thing wrapped up
in record-o time-o.
[DULCIE] Deadloch has a serial killer.
He has been living under my nose
for five years.
I probably know him.
- You are not my partner.
- I am. It is deeply unfortunate.
I don't have a best friend
'cause my best friend died.
I'm king-effing shit up in Darwin.
- They don't want me either.
- Why not?
'Cause I fuckin' killed my partner!
Bushy. He got eaten by a croc.
I was supposed to be with him when
it happened, but I was pissing on.
It's just a job, Dulcie.
Right now my job's
more important than us, Cath.
Started calling you Collins, by the way.
It's just a little nickname.
Okay. Alright.
Fuckin' hell, Collins!
You fuckin' cracked it.
Oh.
You hate it here, sexy.
Let's leave Deadloch.
Okay. Okay.
Bushy wasn't chum.
He wasn't eaten by a croc.
He was
shot in the head.
I knew when he went missing,
there was something sus about it.
That's why they sent me down here.
They They just didn't want me
sniffing around 'cause I was right!
[EDDIE] G'day, Holly.
We're here to help solve Bushy's murder.
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYS]
[BIRDS CALL]
[ELTON JOHN SINGS "CROCODILE ROCK"]
I remember when rock was young ♪
Me and Susie had so much fun ♪
[WOMAN 1] Sorry! We went to
the wrong croc tour.
[WOMAN 2] Yep. So those missing
Swedish backpackers did our boat tour,
then they left
and they got Wolf Creeked, probably.
Here, we'll just
wait for these latecomers.
Yeah. Okay.
Right, Leon, do you want to take a seat?
- It's Leo, not Leon.
- Yeah, sorry, babe.
Welcome to Don Darrell's
Best Best Jumping Croc Tours.
I'm Amber, Don's daughter.
My husband, Grent, is the skipper.
And my little
brother with the pole
is called Troy. Isn't
that right, Troy?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, alright. So, safety stuff.
Hands and feet inside the boat
at all times. Any questions?
Yeah. Who were
the traditional owners here?
Yeah, so my dad started Best Best
back in the late '70s.
Which is way before fuckin' Jason Wade's
fuckin' Land of Crocs.
- Way before, right?
- Way before.
Okay. Alright, babe! Let's go.
[ENGINE WHIRRING LOUDLY]
[AMBER] Now, a lot of people say
if you're getting attacked by a croc,
you want to gouge out its eyes.
- But what are they being, Troy?
- Naive.
That's right, they're being naive.
As my dad Don always says,
if you're getting attacked by a croc,
you're not surviving,
you're dying.
Okay.
LoOkay over here,
you'll see your first croc.
Old Scrubber.
Can you all see that?
- [GASPING]
- [WOMAN] There it is. There it is!
Good. No refunds. [LAUGHING]
Troy, pole.
- [AMBER MURMURS INDISTINCTLY]
- [PASSENGERS MURMUR]
Let's see if she's going to
give us a show here today.
[PASSENGERS EXCLAIM]
[AMBER] That's it, she's hungry.
- Alright.
- [APPLAUSE]
Now, you might be thinking,
"Fuck me, that's a big croc!"
- But it's not.
- Nup, it's not.
Old Scrubber here's only three metres.
'Cause she's just a girl.
Our bull croc along here is Goliath.
5.3m, teeth to tail. He's the boss.
And he'll take down any male
who tries to take over his territory.
[MAN, OVER LOUDSPEAKER]
Saltwater crocodile has
the strongest bite force
of any living animal
Fuck are those Land of Croc cunts
doing now?
Oi! You lot! You rack off!
The border is the big white rock!
[AMBER] Bullshit it is, Spud!
Ram 'em, babe. Ram 'em!
[PASSENGERS EXCLAIM]
[AMBER] You loOkay like a shaved dick!
[TROY] No! Amber!
What?
Holy shit!
Which bull is it? Is it Goliath?
Use your pole, Troy. Flip him!
Fuckin' flip him!
Come on, give a big one!
It's not Goliath, thank fuck!
Wait, Troy
What the fuck's that in its mouth?
[PASSENGER SCREAMS]
[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]
- [WHISTLE BLOWS]
- [CHEERING]
Agadoo-doo-doo,
push pineapple, shake the tree ♪
Agadoo-doo-doo,
push pineapple, grind coffee ♪
To the left, to the ♪
[SCREAMS] Here comes a big one!
Um, I think I might
[EDDIE] Collins! Collins!
[DULCIE] No, Eddie, don't get in
- Collins!
- I was gonna get out, Eddie!
Hey, that new, uh
that new superintendent down at Police HQ,
what's his name?
- Col Culkin.
- Macaulay Culkin, yeah, yeah.
He just called, he said
we could talk about Bushy today!
Come on! I'll break the surface tension.
Follow the slipstream.
Alright, here's the plan, Okay?
We go into HQ, and we go,
"Oi, listen up, cunts, Bushy's death
was sus as fuck, Okay?
We reckon he was definitely
investigating something,
and that's what got him killed."
And then we go, "You lot have
obviously been too busy"
sitting around,
licking your own fuckin' dickholes
to see what's been happening here,
so you need to tootle-fuck
and let us run the case.
"Capisce? Or comprende?"
- Uh-huh.
- Mmm.
Let's give those lazy cunts a razz!
- Hey!
- Ow!
Fuck's sake, Collins,
that's liquid gold!
That was not
I didn't think that you were doing
what you ended up doing!
- I didn't know you were gonna dance!
- [EDDIE SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
[DULCIE] Can you tell me
if my ponytail is straight?
[EDDIE] Straight as
it can get for a lesbian.
[DULCIE] Oh, don't do that.
Look, there's no
easy way to say this,
but Detective Bushman
committed suicide.
The bullet they found in his skull
matched ballistics,
which confirmed that it was discharged
from his own service weapon.
I am I'm terribly sorry.
Nah. Nah.
Someone got the wrong end of the dick
with that one. [LAUGHS]
Ah, well, the brief from
Bushy's psychologist
also said that
he was struggling with depression,
uh, hypertension, complex PTSD,
suicidal ideation.
Yeah, but that's just cop stuff.
Everyone talks about blowing
their brains out after a few beers.
That's just a regular Friday night,
isn't it?
Ah, there was also a note.
Yeah, his wife, Holly, found it
when she was packing up the home.
Um, you were mentioned,
Detective Redcliffe. Uh
Look, I know how rough this is.
I went through the same thing
with my police partner 10 years ago,
and I did not cope.
You know, I started drinking.
I got heavily into capoeira.
You know what,
that's probably just
a note from some
other time, I think.
There was another time?
Well, no, he's
dated it and initialled
it, so it's quite
thorough, really.
You know what, I'm
just going to take this
and, um, and give
it a read. Ta, Colby.
- Alright, would you like some comfort?
- No, I'm fine, I'm fine!
- I can come with you and
- I'm fine. I can read now, so
Oh, dear. Look, we can offer
the detective counselling or leave,
a support dog a therapy puppet!
Well, HR's really
pushing the puppets at the moment,
it's just probably less training,
that's all.
[WOMAN, OVER LOUDSPEAKER]
Well, folks, the dry season's over
and the rains are coming,
so that means it's time
for our Build Up sale.
We've got tankinis, monOkayinis,
cut-outs, faux-kinis
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYS]
[EDDIE SIGHS]
[TICKING, HISSING]
[CULKIN] So, um,
so you and your husband
Uh, my wife.
Oh! Right? Yeah.
No, well, that's good too.
Better, actually. You know, I voted yes.
So, now the Bushman case
has been, uh, resolved,
will you be heading back to Tassie?
Ah, no plans to go back, no.
No, I was considering a lateral transfer.
I could pivot to the missing
Swedish backpackers case.
Oh, um
Yeah, well, Detective Blunt's
leading Taskforce Hammare.
Okay, alright.
Well, I've tried
suggesting people for his team before
and I think Blunt's
commitment to diversity
only stretches as far as
a bloke who wears contact lenses.
- Right, right.
- Yeah, so, uh
backpacker team's
a shut shop, unfortunately.
Uh-huh.
Still, Darwin's worth the trip, isn't it?
You know, incredible beaches.
Well, not for the swimming, obviously,
with the crocs and
the jellyfish and
the undetonated
World War II bombs.
Yeah, but there's waterfalls,
they're spectacular.
- [CATH] Bushy took his own life?
- [DULCIE] Yes, he did.
Oh, that's awful. How's Eddie?
[THUD]
Got any king pythons?
Only in jumbo packets.
Fuck!
Does she have any family here?
- Like a support network?
- No.
Uh, we saw Holly
and she handed Eddie
that box of Bushy stuff
and said she never
wanted to hear
from anyone in Territory
Police ever again.
Oh. Well, I'm glad
Eddie's been offered counselling.
She needs a therapist.
Maybe someone
who specialises in
ADHD in young boys.
Did you want to
enter the competition
for Jason Wade's
Big Barra Bashnanza?
The Golden Barra's 200k this year.
No.
Or you can sign up for
the Bashnanza raffle and win a jet ski.
It's got a swim platform and a cover
and stuff and whatever.
Alright, hand it over. Fuck.
Okay, so what's the plan now?
- We have noodles and
- No, no, the plan-plan,
besides going to a waterfall.
Oh, um, I hear ASIO's hiring
No, not work, sexy. Life!
[GASPS] Let's drive around Australia.
Fern is with her grandma's in Sydney
and I've left all my book clubs.
Come on, we're rich, unemployed lesbians.
It's either a road trip
or we run for parliament
and I could get into surfing
and you could get into
something weather-y.
Oh, you could be like a storm chaser
like Helen Hunt.
You love the weather! And I could
get some of those rubber boots
so you don't get electrocuted.
Cath, I'm feeling
- with my feelings that
- Yeah.
Yeah, Okay. Yeah, I need to
The rubber boots can wait
- Yes. Okay.
- Can't they? Yeah.
'Cause we need to focus on
what's important right now
and that is Eddie, isn't it?
- Yes.
- She needs our love and our support
and a float at a waterfall
that's only a little bit croccy.
What's "a little bit croccy"?
Yeah, so I signed us up to win a jet ski.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
We've just got to beat a bloke
called Lloyd Reynolds
who entered 48 times in a row. [CHUCKLES]
- Uh, Eddie
- Yeah, look, I owe you twos a sorry.
You know, for making you
put your life on hold
and for dragging you all the way up here.
- No, no, no.
- It's fine.
Collins, I'm sorry that
Bushy's investigation was a bust
and now you're up here in Darwin
for no good reason
and, you know,
you look like shit all the time
because of the humidity.
Oh, no, the hives
are clearing up.
Her hair curl routine
just needs tweaking.
Anyway, I'm going to piss off.
Let you get back to your gay marriage.
- What? You're going?
- Yeah, yeah.
Got plenty of stuff to get onto.
Got this bag of snakes.
About to win a jet ski,
so that'll keep me busy.
Anyway, point is, this is the end.
The end of the friendship.
Oi, Allira, which way's the desert?
Righto.
Too-ra.
- [CATH] Eddie, wait!
- Nah, you're right.
- Dulcie, do something!
- [PHONE BUZZING]
[EDDIE] I'll get my sports bras
from the sleepy nook in the camper.
Uh, Detective Dulcie Collins.
- [EDDIE] Cath, you got the keys?
- [CATH] No, Dulcie's got them.
Oh, Superintendent Culkin.
[CATH] Eddie, just wait!
We can talk about this.
We're at a petrol station in
- [CATH] Dicks River.
- Dicks River.
[CATH] Oh, no, no! Dirks River.
Uh, Dirk, no, Dirks River.
There's no dicks.
There's It's not Uh
How can I help you? How can we help?
[EERIE MUSIC]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[INDISTINCT]
[WOMAN] Yeah, we're from Melbourne.
We're just
Right.
Does Barra Creek get many body parts
lodged inside dead reptiles?
How am I supposed
to fuckin' know?
Do you think it's
male or female?
I don't know how this croc identified.
Oh, don't be smart! I meant the arm.
I know what you meant.
Just don't want to get dragged into
your fuckin' who, what, when, where,
who bullshit.
I put the police tape up.
I stopped a grey nomad from
taking a picture of the arm on her iPad.
I've done plenty. Okay?
Come on, let's go!
Look, if we run
fast enough, we
can catch up with
Cath at the waterfall.
No, Superintendent Culkin asked us
to assist the local senior sergeant
until homicide get here.
Don't make that face.
Well, he is not my boss.
And neither are you. So, stiff clitties.
- Stiff clitties? Oh, lovely.
- [AMBER] Nup. Pussy's crack with this!
- I want a word with you lot.
- Oh, hey.
Uh, I gotta go piss.
No! You just went.
I've got a UTI, Okay?
It's like fire ants in my urethra.
Oi, listen.
- You cops need to fuck off.
- [DULCIE] Behind the tape, ma'am and sir.
We got a tour coming through here in 45,
and I'm not cancelling.
I've already had to refund
that mouth from Melbourne
'cause Leon vommed on her shoes.
- $55.
- Well, no, no.
We will not leave, ma'am,
because this is a crime scene.
This is not a crime scene.
This is my private property.
How dare you?
What the fuck are you doing here?
I'm not here. I'm not me. So
You think I wouldn't recognise you,
coming in here
behind those bloodshit polarised lenses?
- Hey, they're ombre!
- Sorry, what is happening?
You need to fuck off!
She's barred from here.
Okay? My dad barred her from here.
- Pat, Pat! She's barred from here.
- [EDDIE] Yeah, yeah.
[PAT] Eddie.
- Fuck.
- [AMBER] It's not on, Pat!
- Get her out.
- I didn't recognise you! Welcome home.
What do you mean "welcome home"?
"Home" as in home, home?
- You're from Barra Creek?
- No, no, no.
Remember the last time I saw you?
You probably don't.
- Rolling drunk, she was.
- Okay, yeah.
[PAT] Out on the highway with some dog.
Having a fight with a tree.
- How long you home for?
- I'm not home, Okay?
I hate this fuckin' town.
I hope it slides into the river
next time it fuckin' rains.
Well, piss off, then,
before Dad comes back
- and you become the fuckin' crime scene.
- [SIRENS WAIL]
Oh, great! Look, the jizz squad
has arrived. That's perfect timing.
Pat, It's been lovely.
Good luck with your life.
Have a great one. And, uh, Amber,
- you can suck a fuck.
- [AMBER] You fuckin' shit!
[EDDIE] Collins, meet you
in the car park. I'm calling Cath.
[PAT] Who's this?
It's not the Dirks River boys.
[DULCIE] That's Detective Blunt.
He's on the backpacker case.
What's he doing here?
[MAN 1] Alright. Clear the scene.
We've got it from here.
[MEN CHATTER INDISTINCTLY]
[MAN 2] Rangers have arrived.
[BLUNT] Get them to cut the crock open.
There'll be more inside.
What size are these
tiny girl gloves, Steve?
- [STEVE] Small to medium.
- Fuckin' small to medium. Fuck!
Steve, you got that photo?
Alright.
Yep, I called it.
The arm's got the same tattoo, see?
Both lavender.
That's her flower tattoo. It's Ebba.
It's Ebba's arm.
Swedish girls got eaten.
They got eaten by crocs.
[MAN] 100%, 100%.
Put that on ice. Send it to the fiancé.
Where's my phone?
I'm calling the senator.
Detective?
- [BLUNT] Hello, mate. Yes, as suspected.
- [DULCIE] Detective.
- [BLUNT] Yeah. Shit news.
- Sorry, can I
Detective?
I'll tell you what, if you
call for that croc cull, Senator,
I'm going to back you 200%, mate.
Yeah, you have my
Hang on, Russ, sorry.
- Got a tourist here.
- Oh.
- This is a crime scene.
- Yes, I know. I'm Detective Collins.
Superintendent Culkin
called me in to assist.
That pinko greenie?
'Course he fuckin' did.
Senator, sorry. Can I call you back, mate?
Thank you.
So you think that that arm belongs to
one of the Swedish backpackers?
No, don't think. I know.
Right. Yes, right.
Well, I worked as a detective
for 15 years,
and I just completed
five years in Tasmania,
so if an extra pair of hands is needed
to figure out the victim's last movements,
I can absolutely
- Hang on, did you say Tasmania?
- Yes, yes.
- What's your name again?
- Dulcie Collins.
- F You're that Deadlake bird.
- Ah
You know you're the talk
of the group chat.
How you fucked up an investigation
so royally
you got three innocent men killed?
One of them was a serial killer, actually.
Yeah, well, Look, thanks for the offer,
but I don't need any help.
You know,
particularly from Nancy
Drew's fuckin'
stretched-out attic twin.
Have a good one.
Okay, boys, we've got to do this presser.
What do you reckon, aviators on or off?
- [MAN 1] On.
- [MAN 2] 100%.
[BLUNT] Yeah, I reckoned on.
I reckoned on.
[MAN 2] Yeah, 100%.
[MEN ALL REPEAT AGREEMENT]
[HUMS TUNE]
[MAN] So, which croc was it, then, Mik?
I don't know which one it is, Isaac,
it's too busted up.
Is it a bull from
another part of the river?
Like Whopper from Dirks River?
Or Cyclops or Dunker?
[MIK] Working in that nightclub
busted your ear bones, cuz.
I already said I don't know.
Whoever he is, he's fuckin' massive.
- [ISAAC] Maybe it was Megamouth?
- [MIK] Oh, my God, shut up!
[HORN BEEPS, MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY]
Cath! Finally!
- Eddie.
- Ugh.
If this is about me not telling you
I was from here Fuck me!
Not even three hours in this rat hole,
it's already taken its toll.
What happened to you, Collins?
Look like the bones of Rasputin.
- Nothing happened.
- Drink water.
Sorry I'm late!
I got caught talking to lesbians.
There were so many of them,
and they were all so beautiful.
Waterfalls, I mean.
There were only two confirmed
lesbians, and they
were both very sunburnt.
Okay. Alright, Cath, let's get out of here.
There's a seat at the Darwin Ski Club
with my arse's name on it.
[CATH] Oh, no, no,
we can't drive anywhere.
The camper van
company said we're not
allowed to drive on
the highway after dark
'cause of the buffaloes.
But I've booked us into the Barra Creek
Caravan Park for the night.
Fuck!
What? Have you stayed there before?
Are the toilets bad?
[DRONE WHIRS LOUDLY]
[REPORTER] But first, a sad update
in the search for
the missing Swedish backpackers,
with lead detective
Michael Blunt
addressing media
earlier this evening.
We believe that
Swedish backpacker Ebba Ehrling
was the victim of a croc attack.
We also believe
that it's only a matter of time
before we recover the remains
of one Astrid Ahlberg.
It's pretty clear that Ebba went
into the water at Crossley's Crossing
at some time,
probably having a skinny dip.
Yeah, and she's been taken by a bull croc.
And then that bull croc
has choked on her arm
and floated upstream to Barra Creek,
where it was discovered.
[MAN] We need to
start culling the bastards.
The Swedes?
No, not the bloody Swedes, Rabbit!
The bloody crocs.
They've taken over.
They'll be walking on land next.
Okay, my love!
Is Eddie joining us?
I got us the emu and kangaroo sausages.
They're the house special.
Okay, so the pub has new owners,
Lynn and Mary.
Both straight for now,
but life's long, isn't it?
Mm-hm, it is.
Is that Eddie?
Oh, my God, Look at her!
Look at her little topknot, Dulce!
Aw!
I know she doesn't
have any family in town.
Is there anyone she wants to catch up
with while we're here?
We could throw a barbecue.
We just need a barbecue.
Actually, I'm going to buy us a barbecue.
- Is that the backpackers?
- Yeah, Lynn said they worked here.
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYS]
I wonder where Eddie's got to.
[CAR APPROACHES, "SLICE OF HEAVEN" PLAYS]
[WOMAN] G'day, everyone.
So Mary and I have decided that bingo
will go ahead tonight,
but now it'll be in Astrid and Ebba's
honour, which is nice.
[MAN] No-one likes your effing bingo.
Oi! Take a bingo sheet out of respect
for the dead bird,
or Lynn won't be
driving you to dialysis next week.
What are you drawing?
Oh, nothing. That's a
That's a train.
[DULCIE CLEARS THROAT]
If that's a train, you need an MRI.
It Looks like an arm.
Dulce, what's going on?
I promise I won't freak out.
I'm doing so much work on myself
at the moment
I've basically evolved into a cosmic head.
Oh, Look, Cath,
Blunt made an ID on the arm today
without any forensics input.
Just based on a tattoo on an arm
that had been used as
a reptile's chew toy.
- Do you think it's Ebba's tattoo?
- Uh, I don't know. I don't know.
But it's frustrating I don't have access
to the crime scene photos
'cause I'm not working the case.
You see, Blunt said
that the backpackers
were last seen at
Crossley's Crossing,
but look at that mural over there!
How did the arm travel to Barra Creek?
We're 50km upstream.
[MARY] Last call for bingo!
Cath, what if the arm
doesn't belong to Ebba?
What if Blunt's got this ID wrong?
Those missing women
could still be out there,
and that's to say
nothing of the actual
person whose arm
was found today.
What about them? The way this is
being investigated is just not right.
Do you remember what I said
in our marriage vows?
Yes, I do remember, because
all four of our parents were there.
I said your sense of justice
is my favourite thing about you,
aside from your perfect clit.
Yeah, and then a month later,
my dad died.
Yeah, Look, if
you think there's
something wrong here,
you need to go for it.
We'll just keep checking in. Okay?
[MARY] Ah, before
I get on the bingo balls,
we'll have a minute's silence
for Astrid and Ebba.
I'll use a timer on my phone.
Okay, and go.
[PHONE DINGS]
Oh, uh
Sorry, my bad there.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACH]
[DULCIE, BREATHLESSLY] Eddie!
Collins? What are you doing?
I'm running to you.
Why are you so fuckin' slow?
Oh, Christ. I'm overheating.
I am like a computer on a lap.
How does anyone move up here?
The air is thicker than Clag!
[SIGHS] Listen, Blunt has
made the wrong ID on that arm.
- I can feel it.
- No, no.
What you're feeling is
a very, very bad case of tit thrush.
No, that Okay, well,
that was not Cath's story to tell.
I saw the cream.
No, well, the fungal infection
under my breasts
is totally irrelevant right now. Look.
Look, the tattoos don't match.
Ebba's tattoo is lavender and violet,
and the victim's tattoo is
I mean, I don't
know exactly what
that is, but I think
there's legs involved.
But the point is,
the arm from the river isn't Ebba's.
I think we've got a John Doe on our hands.
No. I don't have anything on my hands.
Yeah? Some rando wants to go for a swim
in a river filled with
reptilian death puppies, not my problem.
Okay, right.
Well, I am sending you the photo.
- No! Don't send me
- No, I'm sending it.
I am sending you the photo.
And there. It's sent.
Was that your phone?
Oh, well, that was very silly, Eddie.
That was just a silly, silly thing to do.
- How are you going to make calls now?
- I don't care.
I'm not going to make a fuckin' call.
I won't make a call
ever again in my whole fuckin' life.
Just Come on.
[SIGHS] Right.
I understand not
Look, I understand not wanting
to spend time in your hometown.
I grew up in Canberra,
and I didn't have many friends either,
- mostly 'cause of
- No, I had many friends.
Mostly 'cause of our 8pm curfew,
and we prayed a lot.
But
we can't walk away from this.
Watch me. I'll make it
fuckin' jaunty for you.
[SINGS] Agadoo-doo-doo ♪
Eddie!
Do ya see me walk away? ♪
- Agadoo-doo-doo ♪
- This community deserves answers!
Mate! There is no community
in Barra Creek, Okay?
A full arm showed up,
but did anybody report a missing person?
Nup. No-one in this town gives a shit
about anything or anyone.
Okay, fine. That's fine, Eddie.
You go back to Darwin.
- You drink your coke.
- Hoon around on my new jet ski.
Oh, yeah, hoon
around on your new
jet ski that you will
absolutely not win.
But I am staying here
because I owe it to this John Doe
to at least try and ID them.
Besides, what else
am I going to do?
Huh? I'm going to
go to Alice Springs?
It is a lesbian social worker vortex!
It will suck Cath in
and never let her go.
[HORN BLARES]
Your ears stuffed with big fat balls?
I told you to fuck off.
I'm going home tomorrow, Amber, Okay?
So you can fuckin' fuck off.
From Dad's Best Best
billboard right down
to the Drowsy Driver
Roadside Trivia sign,
this is my family's.
Barra Creek is Darrell country,
and you're not welcome after what you did.
Ugh. I didn't fuckin' do anything.
- You put a croc in Dad's ute!
- Oh, come on!
It was a one-meter freshie, Okay?
That was croc justice.
And it wasn't even big enough
to bite his hand.
And you know what?
He deserved it after what he did.
What did he do?
- None of your business.
- Don't worry about it.
You tried to kill him.
Don fuckin' bulldozed
a roadside memorial to my mum
so he could widen his driveway
by 70 centimetres!
Yeah, so he could
get the truck in to
get the new shed
in to put the boat in.
You're rat dogs.
You bunch of you, fuckin' rat dogs.
At 7:35am, I'm doing the daycare drop-off
at Kroccy Kidz with a Z.
When I come back through here
for the iced coffees,
I better not see you, yeah?
My family run this town.
What town?
It's just a fuckin' pub, a police station,
and a fuckin' bin.
Yeah, well, the joke's on you,
shithead, 'cause
we've got two bins now!
Oh, Okay, cool.
Guess what else you've got two of?
This one and this one.
Fuckin' sit on that.
- Piss off!
- Yeah, tell Don to sit on it, too!
Sit on a big one,
you giant piece of shit people-mover!
Fuckin' shit car.
Sorry about your mum's memorial.
Why? You didn't drive over it
with a Komatsu.
Here.
Is that why you didn't tell me Barra Creek
was your hometown,
because of your mum and
putting a crocodile
in that gentleman's car?
Yeah, because this town
is full of shit cunts like the Darrells
who just do whatever the fuck they want.
Sometimes I think
the only form of
justice they understand
is croc justice.
Oh, well, we can do away with
the courts, then.
Hang on, shut up. Where'd you get these?
Ah, um, a journo sent them to me.
They were on the boat.
They're the one that vomited
on the passenger's sandals.
They be-beeped it to my phone.
There was a be-beeping sound.
That's not a croc bite.
- What?
- Crocs' teeth don't cut like that.
They just thrash you around
till you're in chunks
so they can swallow you.
That's been chopped off.
Fuck!
It's a fuckin' homicide.
Oh, that's fuckin' great, isn't it?
Now we're looking for a
missing person and a fuckin' killer.
- Fuck.
- We?
Yeah.
Yeah, fuck this town. Fuck
Fuck the lot of them.
I'm like herpes.
I can leave when I fuckin' want.
So that's That's a yes?
- Yes, yes, fucking yes.
- Yes? You are going to say yes?
- Yes! Yes!
- Hey! Ow.
Great. I'll call the superintendent
first thing in the morning,
and we'll get the proper permissions.
Suck job.
Well, that's just
standard procedure, Eddie.
- You're such a cop.
- You're a cop too.
Yeah, but I'm, like, a cool cop.
[DULCIE] So you're still sleeping
in the camper with us tonight?
[EDDIE] Yeah, 'course!
Sleeping in my nook.
That's where my bag of undies is.
[TENSE MUSIC PLAYS]
[BATS CHITTER]
- Guess what I had for dinner?
- [DOG BARKING]
I don't know. Falafel?
No, Aunty Mary gave us ice-cream
because Mum was cutting up
a dead crocodile!
- [KID] Hello. Boss!
- What?
- Did you say a dead crocodile?
- Yeah, a big one.
What's your mum do for a job?
She a butcher?
She's a ranger.
- She got me this fishing shirt.
- Oh! That is a very good shirt.
What's that?
That drawing on the billboard?
Um, that's that's a rocket
that is taking off into the sky.
Did your mum say
if she found anything else in that croc?
Yeah!
Well, what was it?
Hey, kid!
What was inside the crocodile?
[READS GERMAN]
[EDDIE] Collins!
- Collins!
- Oh, good, you can help me.
Cath's left the instructions for how to
disconnect the sewer hose,
but they're in German and I
Ow!
Where did you get that?
This? It's my steed.
It's a rental. Cost me a bomb.
Okay, well, um,
I spoke to the superintendent.
Forensics called this morning
and they confirmed that
the arm belongs to a male.
I still think the tattoo is of legs,
maybe bird's legs,
because they bend backwards.
Blunt is off on a new lead.
Apparently Astrid and
Ebba interacted with
a man at the Dirks
River service station
and they're trying to locate him now.
So we have been given the green light
to investigate.
Good, 'cause I reckon the murderer
fed the John Doe to their pet croc.
So we just need to disconnect this thing
and, if it doesn't spray effluent
everywhere, we can go.
Sorry, did you say a "pet croc"?
- Yeah.
- [MAN] Morning!
- [BOTH] Morning!
- Bit hot up here.
Is it?
Yeah, steamier than a
Bangkok laundromat.
[ALL LAUGH]
[EDDIE] Yeah, good on ya.
[MAN LAUGHS]
Yeah, the croc from yesterday
had no more body parts in it.
Its guts were just filled with chickens.
100% chickens!
The point is, with
a diet like that, the
dead croc is probably
someone's pet.
What? Who would keep a crocodile
as a pet?
Heaps of people up here do!
I know two in Barra Creek.
To what end?
What do you do with a pet crocodile?
- You teach it to heel.
- [WOMAN] Morning!
- [BOTH] Morning!
- Gosh, it's hot.
That's correct. Yeah.
Oh, yeah, I could steam
a dumpling in my cooch.
I reckon that the
killer has fed the
arm of the John
Doe to their pet croc,
but then the croc has choked on it
and carked it.
And so the killer's just
dumped him in the river.
So, I'm going to check on
the two pet crocs, see if one is missing.
If I can identify the croc from the river,
then we find our killer.
[IMITATES MOTORBIKE ENGINE REVVING]
What? No, that is not our priority, Eddie!
Forget about the croc.
We need to ID our victim and
And what about the sewer pump?
Eddie, that is a two-person job!
- Morning.
- Yes, it's hot.
Sorry, Lynn. Sorry.
I saved that Coat of Arms for you.
- Sorry, my what?
- Your house special from last night.
- The one you didn't eat.
- Oh.
We named it the Coat of Arms
'cause of the roo and the emu sausages.
[DOOR BANGS]
Oh.
Sorry. I haven't
Hey, sorry, someone's still in here
and that's accidentally locked!
[RATTLING DOOR] Hello?
Okay.
Oh, my God.
[MOUTHS]
[SOFTLY] Hey.
[MAN] Alright! How youse all going?
Welcome to the 11am
crocodile feeding experience.
As youse know from me socials,
I am DJ Darrell, #CrocGod.
And our pet King
who's in that pool behind me
was caught by my dad Don.
He's the largest croc
ever recorded in Australia,
so suck shit Land of Crocs,
size does matter!
[LAUGHS]
[CHUCKLES] Yeah.
Alright, let's give him some food.
Yeah! Clap your hands, that's it.
Bring out the beast!
Hey, hey! Alright. There we go!
Go on, clap louder.
King only comes when you clap.
Oh, here he is,
King of the river.
[AUDIENCE
MEMBER] Oh, there it is!
Fuck.
[DJ] So who here wants
to chuck a chookay?
[MAN] I do!
Bum. Where are your names?
[SIGHS]
- [DOOR OPENS]
- Alright, you done yet?
Sorry, you knew that I was in here?
I'm shutting up. Gotta get to the doc's.
I've got piss in my blood.
- Alright.
- Wait, just one second.
Sorry, do you know any of these men?
Yeah, of course I bloody know them. Out.
Um, could you tell me their names
or where I might find them?
Christ.
There's Barry, he's in a nursing home.
That Don bastard's still around.
Trevor Stutchberry
died a couple of years ago.
Frank McCallister's in jail.
And that one is dead, probably.
- Probably?
- Well, he went missing, didn't he?
Do you remember his name?
I don't bloody know.
He was in the papers, wasn't he?
- Was he? Why?
- Because he went bloody missing.
Right, I've had enough
of your questions! Out.
Um
- Out.
- No, I don't have my shoes, please.
Thank you.
[DULCIE] He went missing.
- Lloyd.
- Sorry?
The bloke in the photo.
Lloyd Reynolds was his name.
Christ, keep up, girl.
[EDDIE, OVER PHONE] Collins?
Eddie, I think I know
who the arm belongs to
What?
[DULCIE] It's Lloyd Reynolds.
The jet-ski guy from
the petrol station.
I'm headed there
now to try to ID him.
Fuck off, you hovercunt!
- And then I'll come and get you!
- Yeah, cool. I'm not listening.
Hey, the Darrells' pet croc King
is still alive,
so I've got one more place to check out.
- [BEEPING]
- Collins? Collins?
- Fuck off!
- [DRONE WHIRS LOUDLY]
[INDISTINCT]
[ALLIRA] Yeah, it's a promotion.
I have to mention the promotion
and two packs of Fruity Juice for $2
is a good deal.
- So are you sure you don't want it?
- So sure. I'm really sure.
Well, I can't give
you the sign-up
sheet because the
competition is closed.
Yeah, I don't want to
enter the competition.
I just want to confirm the identity
of one of the entrants.
I think he might be a missing person.
[SIGHS AND GROANS]
Oh, my God.
Ah!
Thank you, Allira. Thank you.
[ALLIRA] Are you sure you don't want
two packs of Fruity Juice for $2?
I'm so sure.
This man here, Lloyd Reynolds,
is there any chance that you remember him?
Yeah, I remember him 'cause the bank
told me to cut up his credit card.
Right, and this is
his phone number here, is it?
Yeah, 48 times in a row.
Okay, Okay, and that was Lloyd
on the end there, yes?
No.
[MARY, ON RECORDING]
You've reached the Barra Creek Pub,
home of the famous Steak Cake.
For bookings, press 1
Is this about the Swedish backpackers,
Elsa and Aspirin or whatever?
'Cause I already
told those detectives this morning
about them and that Lloyd bloke.
Wait, Lloyd Reynolds is the man
the backpackers were seen with?
Yes.
They paid for their noodles
and his mobility scooter
and two packs of Fruity Juice for $2.
- Are you sure you don't want that?
- I don't want it. I don't want it.
- [SIGHS]
- Okay.
Think they felt sorry for him
'cause he was old
and I cut up his credit card.
Right, and did they leave with him?
No, they went in different directions.
He went to Barra Creek
and they went off to Crossley's Crossing.
Right, thank you so much.
Hang on a sec. That's Lloyd there.
[DULCIE] No, but that's
[MAN] Frank McCallister.
Priors include
crop poaching, drink-driving,
identity fraud and petty theft.
That him there?
Yes. Yep.
He's in prison.
How is Frank
McCallister committing
identity fraud at a
servo in Dirks River
if he's in prison?
Could he have been released early?
[SIGHS]
He was released four days ago.
Right. Okay, great.
Can I grab an address, please? Thank you.
You see the chat?
- Fucking funny. I'll get done for that.
- [LAUGHS] Yeah.
- See you later.
- [DOOR CLOSES]
The address.
[BRAKES SQUEAL]
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYS]
[EXHALES]
[SAT NAV] Continue straight
along Dickie's Knob Road
for one and a half kilometres
and your destination will be on the right.
[BEEPING]
[BEEPING SPEED INCREASES]
[TURNS OFF ENGINE]
[TENSE MUSIC PLAYS]
Lovely.
[EXHALES]
[WOMAN] Thank you. That song
was called Red Flag. It was about my ex.
And this next one's called Dead Love.
It's about my ex.
[MAN] No!
[AMBER] Who the fuck
graffitied our billboard?
- Where's Spud? Where is he?
- [MUSICIAN STRUMS GUITAR]
Amber, we don't want any trouble.
The pool table's still spongy
from the water damage
last time you guys went at it.
Oi! Spud!
- Did you do that?
- Oi, fuckstick!
Is that your cock and balls
on my dad's face?
- Nup.
- [STOPS PLAYING]
Don't know nothing
about no cock and balls.
Always said your old man
was a massive cocksucker, though.
My dad is not gay!
- No-one in our family is gay!
- [DJ] Respect my dad!
He's the king of the river!
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYS]
Hello?
Mr McCallister?
Is anybody there?
Hello?
- [BANGING]
- Oh!
[EXHALES]
Hello?
[BANGING]
Oh, Christ, Eddie! Oh, God.
My heart is bloody Michael Flatley
right now!
What are you doing here?
[SNIFFLES] He's dead.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think he is, too.
I loved that cheeky fucker.
Oh, no. God, Eddie, I didn't
Oh. I didn't realise you knew him.
We grew up together.
He was a bloody good listener.
We used to have baths together.
He had the most beautiful
piss-yellow eyes.
I mean, I fed him a choOkay every morning.
[SNIFFLES]
Sorry, who are you talking about?
Triple Pet!
The best croc in the Territory.
He's not in his cage.
He must have been
who was dead in the river.
- Right.
- What
Who were you talking about?
Oh, the man who lived here,
Frank McCallister.
I think his arm was in the Triple Pet.
No. No, that's not possible.
Well, he was released from prison
a few days ago.
I think someone might have killed him
when he arrived back here.
Eddie, you Okay?
[GUNSHOT]
- Christ, what
- Fuck! Get down, get down!
[MAN] Get off my fucking property,
you fucking thief!
Fuck my ring, don't shoot!
[MAN] No! I bloody will!
- Oh, fuck up, mate!
- Eddie, stay down!
No, no, he's not going to shoot us.
He's my fucking dad!
Your dad is Frank McCallister?
Yeah, well, that's
one of his fucking names.
And he's not dead.
Yeah, he's fucking dead to me!
You're fucking dead to me, Edwina!
[MEN GRUNT]
Break it up, fellas. DJ!
Leave him. Leave him!
[AMBER] Get that dick and balls
off my dad's face!
[MAN] Get back, you croc fucker!
[AMBER] Come through, DJ!
He's going on the ship jetty!
[PAT] I need back-up at the jetty.
The Darrells are kicking off again.
No, hose, Lynn! It's not helpful!
Just tell me, and
don't piss up my back
[DULCIE] Enough, Eddie!
Did you feed one of your mates
to Triple Pet
and dump him in the river?
No! I didn't dump
Triple Pet in the river.
Stop. Okay.
Somebody stole
him, didn't they?
Oh, that's fuckin'
convenient, isn't it?
- Stop! Okay!
- You shut your hole!
That croc's the son I never had!
That was my brother!
My fucking croc brother!
Shush both of your holes!
Frank, if you're not dead
then whose arm was in the crocodile?
Who else has your tattoo?
[MAN SHOUTS] Frank!
I've been listening to my scanner!
Mate, the fucking pigs are here!
- Yeah, I can see that, can't I?
- [SIREN WAILS]
No, not Eddie!
Them!
What the fuck?
- What the fuck's going on, Collins?
- I have no idea.
[OFFICER, ON MEGAPHONE]
Frank McCallister,
you are wanted in
relation to the abduction
of Ebba Ehrling and Astrid Ahlberg.
We know you took them from
the Dirks River petrol station, Frank.
- What the fuck?
- [DULCIE] No!
Detective, the cases aren't connected.
The backpackers
paid for his shopping
and they went in
separate directions.
I knew you came back
to stitch me up again!
- I didn't fucking stitch you up!
- [ON MEGAPHONE] Frank!
Put your weapon down and put
your hands up where we can see them, now!
- Frank!
- [MAN] Come on, Frank! Run!
- Fuck off!
- No, no, don't! Don't!
- [EDDIE] Don't you go down to that jetty!
- [MEN SHOUT INDISTINCTLY]
All teams with me! Go around this way.
We'll cut him off.
Eddie!
Frank, you need to answer my questions!
What happened to Triple Pet?
Stop! Access denied, Eddie!
- No, I'm getting on!
- [ALL SHOUT INDISTINCTLY]
You can't come on! Piggies sink the boat!
Just get off! Get off, now! Off!
- Get on board, for fuck's sake.
- Get on! Get on.
[OFFICER, ON MEGAPHONE]
McCallister, we have you surrounded.
Now's your chance to surrender.
[EDDIE] Come on, Collins!
[DULCIE] Okay, fine, but I will vomit.
Oh, God, there was a splash in the water.
Eddie, there's a big splash!
It's probably a fucking bull shark.
Let me see.
There's bull sharks too?!
[FRANK] Fuckin' fang it, Rog!
Jesus Christ!
[AMBER] He's getting away in his boat!
Get off the jetty!
[DJ] Everyone, get on a boat!
Nobody get on a boat!
I told you my dad told you to fuck off!
- Yeah, well, your dad can suck my dick.
- [SHOUTING CONTINUES]
[DULCIE] Eddie!
Can everyone just shush it?
There's something
definitely in the water here!
[AMBER] The fuck is that?
Shut the fuck up!
Troy! Pole!
Fucking flip it!
Flip it!
- Dad!
- Dad!
[SCREAMING]
[AMBER, DJ AND TROY SCREAM AND SOB]
[MUSIC ENDS]