Tom Goes to the Mayor (2004) s02e04 Episode Script
White Collarless
0
Jefferton alive
Hi. I'm the Mayor,
and my door is always open for you!
Jefferton alive
My name is Tom Peters,
and I'm full of ideas.
Community spirit!
Hi. How are you?
Shopping!
Food!
Free to be, being free ♪
Jefferton alive
- Knock, knock, hello.
- Yes, Mayor's office.
- Tom Peters here.
- Hey, Tom.
I just was going kind of door-to-door.
I had this fruit basket here with me.
Wanted to see
if you'd be interested in having it.
Tom, that's so sweet of you.
Thank you.
No problem.
What the heck is this thing?
Did that slip in there? Darn it!
Well, that's just my latest version of my resume.
I updated the paper size and,
of course, I changed the font on you.
OK.
Yeah, I'm just kind of out on a job hunt.
My son's having a Career Day
over at the school next week
and I haven't exactly found a
you know, quote-unquote,
"job," so
Well, let me take a look at this thing.
This is hilarious, Tom.
When can you start?
Well, what in terms of or?
A huge CEO position opened up in the Department of Special Projects.
- You'd be perfect.
- White collar list, eh?
Well, I'm leaning towards "yes," but just in terms
of what you guys do over there,
it's just not quite clear.
Maybe this web film will clear the air.
OK, so what is the Department of Special Projects anyway?
The Department of Special Projects is about family
friends, e-strategies and community outreach.
I'm just one man.
How can I get involved
with the Department of Special Projects?
Everyone can chip in
to the Department of Special Projects.
It's so important
for your family and your town.
Is it true that it is in a strategic alliance
with our community
and the business community?
You said it! The Department of Special Projects is a strategic alliance
between our community
and the business community.
Hold on a second.
You gotta tell me.
Is the Department
of Special Projects fun or what?
No, it's more than fun.
It's an enriching and exhilarating
experience that everyone can enjoy.
Is the quest of the Department of Special Projects
still to achieve past its goal of the 21st century?
No, the Department of Special Projects takes the vision of the Mayor and joins it
with all of the wonderful commerce
and world trading that we have in Jefferton.
What do you say, Tom?
Will you take it?
Well, it sounds great.
The only condition I have is,
I'm not much of a tie guy.
I don't know what your policy is,
but I'd meet you halfway with a bolo.
It's a deal, buddy.
Sorry to interrupt your class,
Mr. Dungle.
I'm Brendon's stepfather,
Tom Peters here.
Hey, son.
How are you?
I wanted to confirm that I will be speaking
at Career Day next week.
I'll be talking about
my new position as a top-level CEO
over at the Department
of Special Projects. Thank you.
Brendon, son,
I'll see you at home tonight.
And once we get you
tucked in your PJs
maybe we'll play
a little game of pet-pet.
- Oh, my God, it's perfect!
- Yeah, she does look quite nice.
You're also going to need this.
It's a XXL Durango
Briefcase for Men.
It's top of the line.
Everyone's getting one this season.
I hate to drop names,
but Ashter Havarama has one.
David Van Gilder.
Jojo Minelli.
All right.
Isn't that smooth?
That's cowskin on the side there, Tom.
On the reverse side is a bit of horsehair.
Give it a touch. Isn't that nice?
A gentleman never gets a second chance
to make a first impression.
Hold steady, Mr. Peters!
Ladies and gentlemen,
our new CEO, Tom Peters!
Wow, Jeez. I don't know what to say.
I'm a little
Sorry, I'm crying.
I just want to thank everybody here
for giving me this opportunity.
I can't tell you how important this is
for me and my family.
I'm going to try really hard
and I'm going to be the best CEO
this company's probably ever had!
Tom, you're just gonna do great.
Here's your executive Dingleberry,
and your elevator pass.
Just swipe that pass in front of the sensor
and it will take you right to your office.
Welcome,
CEO, Tam Pietris.
Thank you.
Not sure
why we're going down.
You, with that designer briefcase!
Grab a shovel and start digging!
One second, Roy.
- Yes, Mayor's office.
- Mayor, it's Tom Peters.
How you doing down there?
Listen, I've got
a big problem down here.
They've got me digging!
That sounds fine.
I don't see what the problem is.
Roy, I said "No!"
It's just that I thought you said I'd be CEO,
like the Head of the Company.
I see what's happening.
You must be a little confused, Tom.
You're my Certified Miner On Duty.
My CEO.
Well, I guess I can give it
the old Junior College try. But you know
Come on, Roy,
let's get back to work.
"My job as CEO is the best job I've ever had.
"Each day is jam-packed with high-level decisions
"important meetings"
This isn't true at all.
I can't lie to my son.
Pick up the pace,
you lazy son-of-a-bitch!
Excuse me, guys.
I hate to interrupt.
I was wondering if you guys had any idea
what we're digging for down here.
Come on. Are you kidding?
It's a special project.
I don't know.
No one does!
How do you know what to dig for, then?
He's a joker!
All right.
Would you mind
turning it down a smidge?
I'm trying to get
a little shut-eye here.
All right, we're back!
My next guest is one of the anchors on the Married News program.
He's here to talk about some
of the stories he's been reporting on.
My husband, Wayne Skylar.
Well, hi. Thanks for coming.
Thanks so much for having me here.
I'm a big fan of the show.
Thank you. It's been a heck of a time getting you on here.
And now it's time for a segment called The "Hot" Seat.
We've been spending millions of dollars on the Department of Special Projects.
Isn't it time that we find out
what we're digging for down there, Wayne?
Isn't it time the people know?
Answer the question!
I don't know.
So, in conclusion, the CEO's job is basically the Head of the Company
and they get to make
a lot of high-level decisions
and get to hire and fire anybody they want to.
Thank you very much.
Your career is the greatest ♪
Your work is sublime ♪
You're a master ♪
You'll be at your prime ♪
For all time ♪
Nice work, you filthy liar!
Sons, wake up!
It's your pet-pet, Mr. Pickle.
Your dad, your stepdad.
But you can call me Tom Peters,
doesn't matter to me.
Listen, I just had
a pretty bad nightmare
as you can probably tell.
And I won't be coming
to Career Day tomorrow, son.
I need you to know that.
The truth is I'm not a CEO
in the traditional sense of the word.
I'm just a filthy miner.
In fact, I just got off the phone with the Mayor, where I resigned.
But tomorrow's another day,
I'm just going to get back on the horse
and get some resumes out there
and see what I can do.
Attention, Jefferton.
Please report to Memorial Park.
Ladies and gentlemen
the Department of Special Projects
can now come to a close.
After nine long years of vigorously digging
we have unearthed
my special mystery surprise.
I'd like to thank City Council
for donating 99% of the town's budget.
And all my Louie Andersons
for believing in me on this long journey.
Thanks, Louies.
I wish I could thank former CEO, Tom Peters
but he just couldn't stick it out.
The job just wasn't for him.
Shame on you, Tom.
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
my special mystery surprise!
Look at this.
My Seinfeld poster.
And my 1990
Married News Calendar.
Abso-lutely.
Jefferton alive
Hi. I'm the Mayor,
and my door is always open for you!
Jefferton alive
My name is Tom Peters,
and I'm full of ideas.
Community spirit!
Hi. How are you?
Shopping!
Food!
Free to be, being free ♪
Jefferton alive
- Knock, knock, hello.
- Yes, Mayor's office.
- Tom Peters here.
- Hey, Tom.
I just was going kind of door-to-door.
I had this fruit basket here with me.
Wanted to see
if you'd be interested in having it.
Tom, that's so sweet of you.
Thank you.
No problem.
What the heck is this thing?
Did that slip in there? Darn it!
Well, that's just my latest version of my resume.
I updated the paper size and,
of course, I changed the font on you.
OK.
Yeah, I'm just kind of out on a job hunt.
My son's having a Career Day
over at the school next week
and I haven't exactly found a
you know, quote-unquote,
"job," so
Well, let me take a look at this thing.
This is hilarious, Tom.
When can you start?
Well, what in terms of or?
A huge CEO position opened up in the Department of Special Projects.
- You'd be perfect.
- White collar list, eh?
Well, I'm leaning towards "yes," but just in terms
of what you guys do over there,
it's just not quite clear.
Maybe this web film will clear the air.
OK, so what is the Department of Special Projects anyway?
The Department of Special Projects is about family
friends, e-strategies and community outreach.
I'm just one man.
How can I get involved
with the Department of Special Projects?
Everyone can chip in
to the Department of Special Projects.
It's so important
for your family and your town.
Is it true that it is in a strategic alliance
with our community
and the business community?
You said it! The Department of Special Projects is a strategic alliance
between our community
and the business community.
Hold on a second.
You gotta tell me.
Is the Department
of Special Projects fun or what?
No, it's more than fun.
It's an enriching and exhilarating
experience that everyone can enjoy.
Is the quest of the Department of Special Projects
still to achieve past its goal of the 21st century?
No, the Department of Special Projects takes the vision of the Mayor and joins it
with all of the wonderful commerce
and world trading that we have in Jefferton.
What do you say, Tom?
Will you take it?
Well, it sounds great.
The only condition I have is,
I'm not much of a tie guy.
I don't know what your policy is,
but I'd meet you halfway with a bolo.
It's a deal, buddy.
Sorry to interrupt your class,
Mr. Dungle.
I'm Brendon's stepfather,
Tom Peters here.
Hey, son.
How are you?
I wanted to confirm that I will be speaking
at Career Day next week.
I'll be talking about
my new position as a top-level CEO
over at the Department
of Special Projects. Thank you.
Brendon, son,
I'll see you at home tonight.
And once we get you
tucked in your PJs
maybe we'll play
a little game of pet-pet.
- Oh, my God, it's perfect!
- Yeah, she does look quite nice.
You're also going to need this.
It's a XXL Durango
Briefcase for Men.
It's top of the line.
Everyone's getting one this season.
I hate to drop names,
but Ashter Havarama has one.
David Van Gilder.
Jojo Minelli.
All right.
Isn't that smooth?
That's cowskin on the side there, Tom.
On the reverse side is a bit of horsehair.
Give it a touch. Isn't that nice?
A gentleman never gets a second chance
to make a first impression.
Hold steady, Mr. Peters!
Ladies and gentlemen,
our new CEO, Tom Peters!
Wow, Jeez. I don't know what to say.
I'm a little
Sorry, I'm crying.
I just want to thank everybody here
for giving me this opportunity.
I can't tell you how important this is
for me and my family.
I'm going to try really hard
and I'm going to be the best CEO
this company's probably ever had!
Tom, you're just gonna do great.
Here's your executive Dingleberry,
and your elevator pass.
Just swipe that pass in front of the sensor
and it will take you right to your office.
Welcome,
CEO, Tam Pietris.
Thank you.
Not sure
why we're going down.
You, with that designer briefcase!
Grab a shovel and start digging!
One second, Roy.
- Yes, Mayor's office.
- Mayor, it's Tom Peters.
How you doing down there?
Listen, I've got
a big problem down here.
They've got me digging!
That sounds fine.
I don't see what the problem is.
Roy, I said "No!"
It's just that I thought you said I'd be CEO,
like the Head of the Company.
I see what's happening.
You must be a little confused, Tom.
You're my Certified Miner On Duty.
My CEO.
Well, I guess I can give it
the old Junior College try. But you know
Come on, Roy,
let's get back to work.
"My job as CEO is the best job I've ever had.
"Each day is jam-packed with high-level decisions
"important meetings"
This isn't true at all.
I can't lie to my son.
Pick up the pace,
you lazy son-of-a-bitch!
Excuse me, guys.
I hate to interrupt.
I was wondering if you guys had any idea
what we're digging for down here.
Come on. Are you kidding?
It's a special project.
I don't know.
No one does!
How do you know what to dig for, then?
He's a joker!
All right.
Would you mind
turning it down a smidge?
I'm trying to get
a little shut-eye here.
All right, we're back!
My next guest is one of the anchors on the Married News program.
He's here to talk about some
of the stories he's been reporting on.
My husband, Wayne Skylar.
Well, hi. Thanks for coming.
Thanks so much for having me here.
I'm a big fan of the show.
Thank you. It's been a heck of a time getting you on here.
And now it's time for a segment called The "Hot" Seat.
We've been spending millions of dollars on the Department of Special Projects.
Isn't it time that we find out
what we're digging for down there, Wayne?
Isn't it time the people know?
Answer the question!
I don't know.
So, in conclusion, the CEO's job is basically the Head of the Company
and they get to make
a lot of high-level decisions
and get to hire and fire anybody they want to.
Thank you very much.
Your career is the greatest ♪
Your work is sublime ♪
You're a master ♪
You'll be at your prime ♪
For all time ♪
Nice work, you filthy liar!
Sons, wake up!
It's your pet-pet, Mr. Pickle.
Your dad, your stepdad.
But you can call me Tom Peters,
doesn't matter to me.
Listen, I just had
a pretty bad nightmare
as you can probably tell.
And I won't be coming
to Career Day tomorrow, son.
I need you to know that.
The truth is I'm not a CEO
in the traditional sense of the word.
I'm just a filthy miner.
In fact, I just got off the phone with the Mayor, where I resigned.
But tomorrow's another day,
I'm just going to get back on the horse
and get some resumes out there
and see what I can do.
Attention, Jefferton.
Please report to Memorial Park.
Ladies and gentlemen
the Department of Special Projects
can now come to a close.
After nine long years of vigorously digging
we have unearthed
my special mystery surprise.
I'd like to thank City Council
for donating 99% of the town's budget.
And all my Louie Andersons
for believing in me on this long journey.
Thanks, Louies.
I wish I could thank former CEO, Tom Peters
but he just couldn't stick it out.
The job just wasn't for him.
Shame on you, Tom.
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
my special mystery surprise!
Look at this.
My Seinfeld poster.
And my 1990
Married News Calendar.
Abso-lutely.