Tires (2024) s02e12 Episode Script

1
-Fuck True Thread!
-[men] Yeah!
[reporter] Former three-time Winston Cup
champion Ron Dobbins
added a DUI to his résumé this weekend
while attending a meet and greet
at the Valley Forge Auto Center
in West Chester, Pennsylvania.
Where's Cal?
He still isn't in yet.
He was taking his car
to a collision place.
Oh.
-He's gonna be sad as hell.
-[Kilah] Yeah, super sad.
My fuckin' car broke down today.
-Seriously?
-[Shane] Yeah.
-That sucks.
-[Shane] Yeah.
Why don't you just fix it?
I need Cal for this. It's a wiring issue.
He's got those tiny little hands.
He can get in there.
Those tiny little hands?
What is that? You got small hands.
-His are way smaller than mine.
-[Kilah] Let me see. Hold your hand up.
-No, Kilah. You got--
-[Kilah] Why not?
-[Shane] You have giant--
-[Kilah] 'Cause I'm more athletic?
[Jared] Yo.
Fuck. What's up, Jared?
What's up?
Come on. You gotta have something,
conversation-wise, when you come in here.
You got me today. Cal called out.
Cal never calls out.
-[Jared] Hello.
-God, fuck! Hi, Jared.
How, uh, have you guys, uh…
Been? You mean, "How have you been?"
-We're good.
-What the f…
[Shane] How about you?
What have you been up to?
My uncle tried to train a peacock,
and he didn't leave with eyes.
All right, Jared.
Why don't you head back there?
Get started and I'll be back.
I'll meet you there in a while.
It's gonna be a while.
You're gonna love it. Another day.
-I think I blacked out.
-I've never heard one word he's ever said.
[mellow acoustic music playing]
What is that? Boiling blood?
No, that's lava.
The lava means we're fucked.
That's when we're behind on payments
and everything's burning up.
Jesus Christ, Will.
Why'd you have to make it so fucking grim?
[Will] Because it's an accurate
representation of our current situation.
[Phil] Wait. Where's Kilah and Cal?
[Will] I figure they succumb to the lava.
You and I are fighting it,
of course, despite its futility.
Shane is enjoying the destruction.
I'm looking…
Look a little jacked there though.
No, no, no. That's actually me, this.
Well, 'cause you see
you've got your mustache in this one?
-[Phil] Mm.
-I've been hitting the gym.
Okay. What do you,
as the manager, think we should do?
[Will] I don't know.
Isn't this your specialty?
You know, True Thread's
got us on probation for a year.
I called every other tire brand.
No one's gonna allow us to sell at cost.
Our whole business model's fucked.
Will, you're the manager!
What is a good first step?
Uh, maybe…
[Phil] You think
I should bring in my consultant?
Because she's the one
that did the evaluation to begin with
and convinced me to buy
this fuckin' stinking garbage barge.
Well, it wasn't a garbage barge
when you bought it.
Garbage got dumped onto
what was otherwise a normal… barge.
But… but… but yes,
I do actually think your consultant…
That's, uh… that's a good idea.
You sure about that?
-Yeah.
-[Phil] She used to be in the military.
-[tense rhythmic music]
-She's killed people, Will.
Black ops. CIA.
She was a wet girl.
Sounds scary.
Sick drawing. Where's Kilah and Cal?
-They're dead.
-[Will] Dead.
-[chuckles] Nice.
-[Phil] No, it's not nice.
This represents
maybe three or four months of solvency.
We have three or four months left?
And what are you two doing?
You two captains of industry.
You having a crybaby party?
Just taking five
in the break room, crying?
Will thinks we should bring in
my consultant.
-[Will] What?
-She's gonna tell you to fire everybody.
-Well, we're not firing anybody.
-She's gonna tell you to fire people.
-[Will] We could lose Jared.
-[Phil] She'll tell you to kill Jared.
[Shane] Got you something.
[exhales] Nice to see
your handwriting's cleaned up.
[Shane] Shut the fuck up.
-What does it say?
-[Phil] "Pussy."
-Could've been worse.
-I think he's maturing.
This would have said
really, really deplorable things
a year ago.
Hey, Cal. It's Shane.
Give me a call back when you get this.
Kilah thinks you're dead.
Also, we got a ton of fuckin' work,
and I'm not gonna do it.
Also, I got that wire thing
that's fucked up on my car again,
so I need you to help me with that.
Otherwise, I'd have to call Belmont,
and I'm not doing that.
If I see you again, I'm gonna suck you,
put you on all fours,
and do some things back there
you've never experienced.
Really, why the fuck
aren't you calling me back?
I mean, it's all fucked up.
Yeah.
You got insurance?
Unfortunately, no.
[Grant] Oh, damn.
Insurance would be good
'cause of how fucked up it is.
Without insurance, you gotta pay--
-I know how insurance works.
-Okay.
[Grant sighs]
I'd say it's totaled.
I can give you cash for parts.
Otherwise, it's gonna be a boatload.
That sign out front,
are you guys still looking for auto techs?
-Yeah, man.
-Yeah?
It'd be really cool
if you started working here.
We need another cool guy around here.
This is a cool car, man.
-Yeah, I spent a lot of time on it.
-Yeah.
It doesn't matter how much time
you'd spent on it now. It's fucked up.
-I don't even care. I don't care at all.
-[line ringing]
Ah, come on.
-This is Kelly. Leave a message.
-[beeps]
Ah, fuck, I care!
Hey, Jared. I gotta head out.
You think you can cover some of my work?
Uh…
There are a lot of cars.
There are a lot. That's why it's awesome
you're gonna do this for me.
But I'd be all by myself.
John Wilkes Booth was all alone.
Look what he did.
Shook up the whole fucking world. Huh?
You're getting pretty good
at small talk, man.
Oh, never mind.
[sighs]
You should cut staff.
Significantly.
I would think about closing a store.
Maybe this one.
-[Phil sighs]
-Belmont looks bad too.
We were thinking about
opening a new store, actually, but, uh,
guess we'll have to table that.
Yes, you have to table that.
-Who did the drawing?
-My nephew.
-Aw.
-[Phil] He's 41.
Oh.
Yep, that's me, him,
and my son, Shane, with the goatee.
We're all burning in lava
in about six months.
Well, it's accurate.
So we could look into a larger chain
who would be willing to absorb this one--
Trish, I cannot sell Valley Forge
because I just bought it.
Just put down the sickle for a moment
and help me figure this out.
There's gotta be a better way.
[Trish] Okay.
Who is Dave?
He's the general manager.
Okay, well, he's eating up 165K a year.
He should go first.
Jesus Christ!
He should go first.
Also, who… who is that creepy guy
staring at me?
[Phil] Oh. [chuckles]
That's, uh, my gifted nephew, the artist.
I told him that you used
to perform black ops for the CIA.
You know, that you were a wet boy.
[laughs]
Right.
That… you,
you know, would kill people.
[rhythmic music playing]
[Phil] It was a joke.
[suspenseful music playing]
[music ends]
[Tommy laughing]
[video playing on cell phone]
[Shane] Hey, Tommy.
[Tommy] Whoa. What's going on?
Are you all right?
I'm fine. I just… I need a car.
-Well, what happened to your Honda?
-Oh, the Honda's fucked.
Problem is, I don't have any money.
[laughs]
Money is all we take from guys.
You're out of luck, pal.
[video on cell phone resumes]
[on phone] You'd believe that.
You're a sweet boy.
-[man 2] Oh no.
-[man 1] You're a sweet boy…
What about that one?
You can't afford that one.
-I can't afford anything.
-Well, you can't afford that one the most.
Let's make a deal on it.
You guys love making deals, right? Huh?
How about… 10% off service for a full year
on every single piece of shit car
you bring over to us,
and I get that car?
Ah…
I can't make any deals
until Andy gets back.
I need that car today.
I know. Look, he went to New Jersey
to get a skin tag removed.
Think how excited he'd be if he came back,
and you're here with a big deal like this.
Yeah, but he makes all the big decisions
and stuff, you know?
You could do it.
This is your business too, right?
You're allowed to do this.
Yeah, I mean…
[curious music playing]
It is a lot of cars.
It's a ton. I'm the one getting screwed.
This is a good deal for you.
I feel like Andy would say 15%?
You said ten, and we agreed on ten,
and you can't fuck us on this, all right?
You can't bring your cars for tires
and somewhere else for service.
I want the whole wop fleet for that car.
Whole fleet?
Whole fleet.
So, like a fleet account?
Ooh, I like that. Fleet account.
I like that too. It's my idea.
Look at you, man.
Hey, Jared, have you seen Shane?
He… said he was--
Never mind.
Hey, buddy, how you doin'?
-The car is totaled.
-[Will] I'm so sorry.
I should have sold it
when I had the chance.
No, no. If you really like something,
selling it's not the right move.
Instead, I waited
until Ron took it from me
and smashed it into a wall.
Now it's completely unrecognizable
and of absolutely no value.
[somber music playing]
Also, I got offered another job.
Tell me you aren't considering it.
I am.
Cal, we're in fucking free fall here,
and you're gonna leave me?
I'm not gonna leave you,
but I have to consider it.
Yeah? Well, consider this.
Fuck you!
No, no, no. Wait, wait. I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean it. I was just flustered.
Cal, what would I do if you left, okay?
I would miss the teacups and your goatee.
So can you just take a second
and don't do anything drastic, please?
[somber music playing]
Hello? What the fuck?
-Oh my God! Shane!
-What's up, Shane?
What the fuck is this?
We were making out.
No shit you're fuckin' making out!
I knew I was right.
[Kelly sighs]
You were not right.
-We weren't hooking up, no.
-[Ollie] No.
Until we had that big fight, right?
And then I went and I talked to Ollie.
He made me feel a lot better.
-Then we had a bit of sex.
-Yeah.
[Ollie] Yeah.
-[Kelly] Then we had a lot of sex.
-[Ollie] Yeah.
-And then that brings us to… today.
-[Shane] The fuck?
Goddamn, Ollie! Just when I thought
we were gonna be friends!
What? I thought you hated me.
I did, but that's
how all great friendships start.
I would have, like,
slowly warmed up to you,
and eventually,
I might have texted you a funny slur,
and depending on
if you were cool about it,
I would've included you
in my friends' group text,
which you wish you could be a part of.
You'll never be part of it now.
I never would have done this
if I thought we could be friends.
What?
-Honestly, I can't believe you.
-[Kelly] Can't believe me?
Shane, we were never together, okay?
You don't know anything about me.
You think we were gonna get married?
I don't know. I didn't plan on it.
I'm not a fucking Indian guy.
Sorry I'm yelling.
I've never been cheated on
like this before,
and it's fuckin' embarrassing.
You haven't been cheated on
because we weren't together.
Do I have to explain that again?
That's what it is. You don't get it.
I really… I actually liked you,
but then you just like…
The amount of fucked-up shit
that was happening,
I was like, "I can't date this guy
in good faith." Know what I mean?
You did coke at 11:00 in the morning
that one time.
Sometimes guys do coke during the day.
What the fuck? Who cares?
[Kelly] Right, and that's my husband.
That's someone I should invest time in.
-I do coke in the day sometimes.
-Shut the fuck up.
Yeah, shut the fuck up.
You and me are never gonna be boys.
You probably have a boner
from my girlfriend.
-I don't have a boner.
-I wasn't your girlfriend.
Oh great.
Now you're both lying to my face.
Shane, you're just
this giant walking red flag.
-You have red flags.
-Okay, name one so I can work on it.
The Polynesian chicken sandwiches
you brought? Fucking sucked.
Oh really? 'Cause I didn't fuckin'
make them, okay?
-Who made 'em? A fucking asshole?
-Someone in the kitchen.
-[Shane] Are they even Polynesian?
-[both] No.
I fuckin' knew it.
I could taste it. It tasted like shit.
You brought over shit and piss
for me and my friends.
Okay. I'm sorry if your feelings got hurt.
-[voice breaking] You could never hurt me.
-Who are those flowers for?
[somber piano music playing]
For you.
See, I don't like flowers.
I'm sorry, Shane.
I think you should go.
I'm gonna go.
-Is your boss still here?
-I think in the back, yeah.
-Are you gonna tell on me?
-No, I'm not gonna tell on you.
I'm gonna talk to her
about fleet accounts,
which you two fuckin' numbskulls
know nothing about.
Oh, you don't like fucking flowers?
I'm not mad.
I'm sorry, Shane.
What's a fleet account?
Shut the fuck up.
[door opens]
Great.
[door closes]
[Will grunts] Brr!
Okay, here we go.
Hi, Rick. Nice to meet you.
I'm Will Jacobs, Valley Forge Auto.
We were looking
to actually expand our tire line.
We've been True Thread guys in the past.
Thinking about being Commander people.
[splutters] Uh, yes, yes.
We are the shop
with the whole Ron Dobbins fiasco,
but we didn't work on that car.
He stole that car
after having drank a lot of whiskey.
Will Jacobs, Valley Forge Auto.
I'd like to do a tire deal with you.
What we're looking to do is
then sell your tires at cost on our end.
Uh, I mean, it's our business model,
and that's… What do you care?
You know, Tire World's running around
intimidating everybody.
That's a little ridiculous.
Yeah, this is Will Jacobs
calling from Valley Forge Auto.
I was just looking to secure a deal
to sell your tires.
Yes. I mean, you're saying,
"With my nipples out."
That's one way to phrase it, huh?
The other the way to phrase it is,
my shirt was off.
My chest was exposed,
and you're talking about my nipples?
Can we get back to talking about that deal
that I… that I did wanna make with you?
Oh boy.
[dynamic rhythmic music playing]
Yeah, it's, uh, Will Jacobs again.
We talked earlier.
I just wanted to really ask
if… if there was any sort of room
for negotiation around this.
Even if we're not selling at cost,
you know, maybe a couple bucks over.
That's fantastic.
I'll tell you what.
I'll send over an email,
and we'll finalize
the details, and then, um,
yeah, we'll get payment going.
All right, thank you.
[puffs air]
Yes!
[puffs air]
Fuck you!
Hello, Lisa. Looking for Dave.
-[Lisa] He went home for lunch.
-What?
-But he lives out back.
-[Phil] Oh. Of course he does.
Trish, this is Lisa.
Loads of drama.
Rude.
[Phil] Dave, wake up!
[TV playing]
[man on TV] Let's go to questions.
[indistinguishable]
Yeah, it's a little cramped in here.
I'm between places right now, you know.
Letting Barb have the house
until we figure out this whole
divorce thing. But, um…
Oh. I think it's pretty nice.
Looks like you got everything you need.
Yeah.
Um…
So, Trish, what do you do?
Trish is a consultant that I hired
to help us sort through
some, uh, financial issues.
Wait. Are you firing me?
Yes.
Un-fucking-believable.
You come into my home
on my one pleasant hour,
my sacred lunch hour, to fucking fire me?
Some lady I don't even know?
-Dave, you cost too much money.
-I'm a fucking bargain!
I was gonna ask for a raise,
to be honest with you.
I can say with almost absolute certainty
that that was not gonna happen.
-No.
-[sighs]
[on TV] Your mom
wants you to find a nice girl.
You wanna find one who has what?
Access to a jet ski.
[buzzer on TV]
-A good profession.
-A good profession.
[applause on TV]
[Dave] Yeah, whatever.
[TV switches off]
I was gonna have to find a new job
in six months anyway.
[Phil] Wait. You were gonna quit?
No, I wasn't gonna quit.
Everybody knows what's going on here.
Your little daddy-son reconciliation
project's already falling apart.
In six months,
this place was gonna go tits up,
and you were gonna sell it
just like Shane said.
Shane was right.
Things were fine before you got here.
They were good, actually.
Every shop was busy.
We were making money.
I was in a beautiful home with my wife.
I was getting pussy from Lisa.
I even got head from her cousin twice,
and she looks pretty much exactly like her
but with a snaggletooth,
and that was… very interesting to me.
Dave, stay focused.
-Hey, Kilah!
-[Kilah] Yeah?
Where's Phil?
He said he was going to put Dave
into the lava.
Oh shit!
[Dave] The point is, look at us now.
You paid some fucking hillbilly
to drive drunk on TV?
I, your most talented lieutenant,
have been relegated
to living in a parking lot?
And Lisa won't even
so much as look at my penis.
Yeah, what's up, Will?
Phil. Phil, where are you?
I'm in Dave's camper.
It's pretty sweet, actually.
[Will] I've got a deal, and I think
you should come back and hear it.
And… and… and just…
Dave is good at his job.
You can't fire him.
Yeah, I'm right in the middle of that,
but, um,
I am reconsidering. Talk to you soon.
So, Dave. [sighs]
You can live in the parking lot
for a few more months.
And Will wants that?
[Phil] As do I.
-Trish, you can go home.
-Okay, great.
Or you could hang out. There's no rush.
We're just having lunch.
What, sardines and chicken nuggets
like you're an alley cat?
-Trish, these are anchovies.
-I'd rather kill myself.
-Don't talk like that.
-Rather set myself on fire.
Can I just say, Trish,
that's a beautiful color on you.
The bag is incredible.
The blazer's very fetching.
You really know
how to put together an outfit.
[reflective acoustic music playing]
So long, Trish!
-[Trish] Get fucked.
-Till we meet again.
[engine idling in background]
[engine revving]
[horn honks]
What do you think?
[Cal] What is this?
[Shane] It's your new car.
It's a lot nicer than the last one.
Are you serious?
Hell yeah, I'm serious.
This isn't one of those things
where I get in the front seat
and it shoots me out
and you post it on the Internet, is it?
Fuck, I wish I did that. No.
It's just a real gift.
I gave Ron some of that whiskey, so that…
that's on me.
I dunno.
I figured you could start over with this.
This is the nicest thing
anyone's ever done for me.
It's definitely the nicest thing
I've ever done for anyone.
Can I hug you?
No, dude. Come on.
I love you.
What?
I love you, dude.
-I can't hug you? I'm gonna hug you.
-No. Ew!
-I love you, man.
-Ew, Cal!
Look at it. This is fucking incredible!
How's it drive?
[Shane] Terrible.
Perfect.
Dude.
Fleet accounts.
Fleet accounts?
Yeah, fleet accounts.
We go to all the local businesses here
that have four or more vehicles.
We say, "If you bring the cars
exclusively to us, we'll give 10% off."
It's awesome. I got, like…
The wops are gonna do it.
Kelly's catering company agreed to it.
Dado's HVAC company, they agreed.
That's, like, a ton of work right there.
-You got those already?
-Yeah, today.
That's huge. 'Cause I tried to do that
a while ago, and it just didn't…
Look at you, little salesman!
I told you, you would be a great salesman.
-Shut the fuck up.
-Oh, that's so cool.
Because that also brings
the advertising budget way down
'cause there's nothing to really--
-Exactly.
-[Will] Oh man!
-Well, that's something.
-[door chimes]
It's somethin'.
Reality check, dogs. We're fucked.
Hey, I thought you killed yourself.
Clearly, I didn't succeed.
But you know what?
Dave's not going anywhere,
nor you, nor you, nor am I.
We may all burn in the lava in six months,
but we're gonna be together.
Like men.
That's the spirit. That's good stuff.
Thanks.
-Could you give me a ride somewhere?
-[Phil] Sure.
Can you bring a gun?
I have a gun. My work gun should be…
Oh fuck. I don't know where that is.
Are you serious? Shane!
It's gotta be around here somewhere.
My work gun's around here.
-It's a weapon of death!
-We gotta find that gun.
[Will] I can't believe you even think it's
funny to smile about things like guns.
-I've been sending you links to safes!
-Hey!
It's somethin'.
We're not gonna die.
Fleet accounts.
[upbeat acoustic music playing]
-Nice!
-[Cal] Where do you wanna go?
Iced coffee.
-Kilah, do not spill that shit in here.
-Oh my God. Stop being a baby.
I'm not gonna spill it.
-Can I smoke a blunt in here?
-[Cal] No, you can't smoke in here.
"How do you feel today?" she asked ♪
'Cause time goes slow
And life goes fast ♪
I need to know some things real quick ♪
There's a pain in the light ♪
When you're heading to red ♪
How do you feel? ♪
You say, "I've been better before" ♪
You say, "I've been better before" ♪
Rosary beads on your knees… ♪
[mouths] Fuck you.
Saying prayers for selfish things ♪
Give me hope for better times ♪
Dream to fix… ♪
[Shane] Bye, Jerome.
Let me know when you get… ♪
You know,
sometimes I can be, uh,
a little…
You know.
Yeah.
He said, "I have met her before… ♪
I know I'm not always…
[acoustic music continues playing]
[Phil] Totally.
Listen to me ♪
And bring a coat ♪
If hell's so warm, then heaven's cold ♪
And I'll meet you there ♪
And it's never been better before ♪
Oh, it's never been better before ♪
With you ♪
Well, hey, thanks for this ♪
Satan is a… is a dirty, dirty person ♪
Come home from church ♪
The next thing you know
I'm doing bumps off the chicks ♪
I don't know, man
It's the craziest fuckin' thing ♪
But, yeah, say no to the devil ♪
The devil ♪
Listen to me ♪
And bring a coat ♪
If hell's so warm, then heaven's cold ♪
And I'll meet you there ♪
And it's never been better before ♪
Oh, it's never been better before ♪