Tom Goes to the Mayor (2004) s02e17 Episode Script
Joy's Ex
0
You're fantastic.
Happy Saint Patriot's Day!
You're such a good bear.
You're fantastic.
Happy Saint Patriot's Day!
What the heck is going on here?
Oh, my baby bear!
- Hello?
- Mayor's office.
- Hey, it's Tom Peters.
- Hey, Tom.
I just wanna drop off this Saint Patriot's Day cake my stepsons made for you.
Thank you so much, Tom.
Nice. Well, it certainly feels like a really great cake, Tom.
Joy wanted to get a store-bought
but I thought it would be better
if the boys learned how to bake.
Anyway, turns out I'm in a bit of a rock and a hard place.
What? Why?
Go ahead.
Yeah, I just got a letter from the County
that says I've got house rot.
And the fix-it man says
they may have to tear out the foundation.
Yeah, I've seen that happen before.
And my stepson Brendon
got suspended from karate class
for using the D-word, so
I have to attend sensitivity training classes
with his sensei.
- That's no good.
- Yeah, it's been pretty stressful.
Well
- T.G.I.F.!
- Yeah, I wish
but one of Joy's ex-husbands is staying with us
which means I'm spending
the weekend in the pup tent.
Well, Tom,
you sound pretty stressed out.
Listen, I'm having a little get-together this weekend.
It's up in my weekend retreat
at Jefferton Castle.
Just a bunch of close friends.
Why don't you come up and join us?
Really? Yeah,
that would be great.
Yeah, it'll be really fun.
I'll pick you up
in a couple of minutes
but first I gotta take
my baby bear to the hospital now.
OK, well, you might want to try some batteries, right?
That should probably do the trick.
How dare you, Tom?
Hon! Good news!
You can put the pup tent away.
I'll spend the weekend with the Mayor.
He invited me to a little party this weekend.
Saul, is that you in there?
Saul, I didn't know you were painting.
Turn that light off, man.
All right.
I just need to pack a couple of things
in an overnight bag
for this big party
I'm going to this weekend.
Shoot! Darn it.
End table.
Let's see here. I'll get some turtles and my dress-up sandals
- Shoot!
- Mayor's office.
Hey, Mayor.
Right on time.
Mayor, this is my wife's first husband, Saul.
Three before me.
Great to meet you, sir.
Fine. What the heck is that mess up on the wall there?
That's one of Saul's paintings.
He paints with
What was it called again, Saul?
Liquefied macrobiotic
bovine wash.
It certainly doesn't smell like paint.
The common name is
you'd know it as "cow diarrhea".
Great to meet you. I've always wanted to shake hands with a real artist.
Pleasure's mine.
If you're not busy this weekend,
why don't you come up to the castle?
We're having a little
Saint Patriot's Day get-together.
Oh, God, a get-together!
Man, that sounds great.
Man, I'd love to, but I'm working
on this portrait of my sons.
- It's for their birthday.
- Saul, that's really nice.
Something hand-made
from their real dad. Special.
Well, for the record, I did get them a gift certificate for karate classes.
- Pretty expensive.
- Yeah, who cares, Tom?
Comfortable back there, Tom?
Yeah, I'm just
getting a little soaked.
There she is, Tom.
A real castle!
All right.
- I got soaked out there.
- Here we are, Tom.
Where are we?
This is my condo.
Isn't it great?
Yeah, I guess.
So, where is everybody?
What do you mean?
You said you were having
a big get-together.
Yeah, this is it.
Party time.
Tom, what's happening
to you over there?
So wet
So cold.
Well, how about a grand tour of the castle
to warm you up, buddy?
Here we are, Tom.
- This is the refreshment café.
- All right.
Most of Jefferton Castle runs on tokens.
And check this out, Tom.
One side of the coin has a picture of the castle and the other side's blank.
So, it's kind of fun to buy sodas and snacks and stuff.
Here you go, buddy.
I'm gonna start you out with 10 tokens.
See if you can make that last the entire weekend.
Thanks.
You better fill up on your sodas right now
'cause I got a pretty strict
no-beverage rule in my home.
- And here's our laundry center.
- Thank God!
Talk about a four-leaf clover!
Do you mind if I put my clothes
in here and dry them out?
- Absolutely. Go ahead, Tom.
- All right.
Oh, my gumble.
What's going on here?
You can't use tokens on that, Tom.
It's a quarters-only machine.
So, what should I do?
You can use
that "Re-coin Your Token" machine
and it'll change
the tokens back into quarters.
- That isit's just busted then?
- Of course it is, Tom.
Now let's get this party started.
So, this music
just plays all the time, or?
If it's bothering you
I can turn it down a little.
- OK.
- It's not a problem.
Tom?
Yes?
Tom?
Cock 'o block!
- Chocolate or?
- Cock 'o block!
Cock 'o block, yeah! ♪
Press the magic glove,
'cause strategy's the game
Move your cock right into battle,
spill the blood and take the pain
Can you feel the power? ♪
Can you feel the power now? ♪
Cock 'o block! ♪
Is it over yet?
Yep. It's safe to come back in, Tom. You lost.
All right. You know what?
I'm getting a little parched here.
Do you mind if I just jump out
and take a soda break?
Good news! I made it!
Saul, good to see you again!
- What the heck are you doing here?
- Oh, man.
Joy kicked me out.
It's a real bad scene back there.
Well, I guess I should head back home then
take care of business,
me being the man of the house.
No, man. You are the last person she wants to see right now.
- Trust me.
- Saul.
Nice didgeridoo collection.
You mind if I take one for a spin?
Go ahead, man, sure.
Not bad. Do you mind if I sit in with you?
Come on, Tom.
Give it a shot.
I'm no Mozart,
but I'll give it my best.
I wish I had
my minidisc recorder, man.
I had my own reasons
for leaving my family
and I'm cool with that,
you know?
I've forgiven myself, but
It just burns me to see
my sons being raised by that guy.
I know what you mean.
I just wish they I just they had
a stronger role model around the house.
Someone who could teach
them about life and work
Talk to me, my baby bear.
Please talk to me.
Say something to me.
There's a place I go called Shepherd's Mesa.
It's about
a ten-day drive from here.
You can see the sun rise
and set at the same time.
That's where I go
to communicate with my soul.
You have a serious
seriously strong energy about you.
Just, I feel it, I feel it
It's crazy.
I can likebite it.
I just
I would like this to stop, please.
Your turn.
What's your biggest fear?
I'm just afraid I'll never
hear my bear speak again.
You just need to get some fresh batteries.
Any batteries will do.
Tom, shut up!
It's not about batteries.
- I think I can fix your bear, man.
- Oh, my God! Thank you, Saul.
Follow me, children, to the roof.
Bring the didgeridoos.
No, no.
I better stay inside here.
It looks we're getting
a lightning storm.
I got a fair amount of underwire
in my briefs here
You know, for support.
OK.
Grab one of the bear's legs.
- Save him!
- Hold it close to the lightning.
I feel so alive!
We can do this together!
We can totally do this together.
Hey, guys, check it out.
I found some batteries.
You're fantastic.
Happy Saint Patriot's Day!
Thank you, Saint Patriots.
He's alive!
Well, Saul, he's gone.
But the good news is that his life energy
passed right from
his body right into my bear.
With your permission, I'd like to spread his ashes all over Shepherd's Mesa.
Well, yeah.
All right, Mayor.
Red and yellow
and orange and green
Rainbow ride ⪯
Rainbow ride ⪯
Tasty purple
and pink and blue ♪
- Where the heck am I?
- Ready, bros? Here we go.
Rainbow ride ⪯
Abso-lutely.
You're fantastic.
Happy Saint Patriot's Day!
You're such a good bear.
You're fantastic.
Happy Saint Patriot's Day!
What the heck is going on here?
Oh, my baby bear!
- Hello?
- Mayor's office.
- Hey, it's Tom Peters.
- Hey, Tom.
I just wanna drop off this Saint Patriot's Day cake my stepsons made for you.
Thank you so much, Tom.
Nice. Well, it certainly feels like a really great cake, Tom.
Joy wanted to get a store-bought
but I thought it would be better
if the boys learned how to bake.
Anyway, turns out I'm in a bit of a rock and a hard place.
What? Why?
Go ahead.
Yeah, I just got a letter from the County
that says I've got house rot.
And the fix-it man says
they may have to tear out the foundation.
Yeah, I've seen that happen before.
And my stepson Brendon
got suspended from karate class
for using the D-word, so
I have to attend sensitivity training classes
with his sensei.
- That's no good.
- Yeah, it's been pretty stressful.
Well
- T.G.I.F.!
- Yeah, I wish
but one of Joy's ex-husbands is staying with us
which means I'm spending
the weekend in the pup tent.
Well, Tom,
you sound pretty stressed out.
Listen, I'm having a little get-together this weekend.
It's up in my weekend retreat
at Jefferton Castle.
Just a bunch of close friends.
Why don't you come up and join us?
Really? Yeah,
that would be great.
Yeah, it'll be really fun.
I'll pick you up
in a couple of minutes
but first I gotta take
my baby bear to the hospital now.
OK, well, you might want to try some batteries, right?
That should probably do the trick.
How dare you, Tom?
Hon! Good news!
You can put the pup tent away.
I'll spend the weekend with the Mayor.
He invited me to a little party this weekend.
Saul, is that you in there?
Saul, I didn't know you were painting.
Turn that light off, man.
All right.
I just need to pack a couple of things
in an overnight bag
for this big party
I'm going to this weekend.
Shoot! Darn it.
End table.
Let's see here. I'll get some turtles and my dress-up sandals
- Shoot!
- Mayor's office.
Hey, Mayor.
Right on time.
Mayor, this is my wife's first husband, Saul.
Three before me.
Great to meet you, sir.
Fine. What the heck is that mess up on the wall there?
That's one of Saul's paintings.
He paints with
What was it called again, Saul?
Liquefied macrobiotic
bovine wash.
It certainly doesn't smell like paint.
The common name is
you'd know it as "cow diarrhea".
Great to meet you. I've always wanted to shake hands with a real artist.
Pleasure's mine.
If you're not busy this weekend,
why don't you come up to the castle?
We're having a little
Saint Patriot's Day get-together.
Oh, God, a get-together!
Man, that sounds great.
Man, I'd love to, but I'm working
on this portrait of my sons.
- It's for their birthday.
- Saul, that's really nice.
Something hand-made
from their real dad. Special.
Well, for the record, I did get them a gift certificate for karate classes.
- Pretty expensive.
- Yeah, who cares, Tom?
Comfortable back there, Tom?
Yeah, I'm just
getting a little soaked.
There she is, Tom.
A real castle!
All right.
- I got soaked out there.
- Here we are, Tom.
Where are we?
This is my condo.
Isn't it great?
Yeah, I guess.
So, where is everybody?
What do you mean?
You said you were having
a big get-together.
Yeah, this is it.
Party time.
Tom, what's happening
to you over there?
So wet
So cold.
Well, how about a grand tour of the castle
to warm you up, buddy?
Here we are, Tom.
- This is the refreshment café.
- All right.
Most of Jefferton Castle runs on tokens.
And check this out, Tom.
One side of the coin has a picture of the castle and the other side's blank.
So, it's kind of fun to buy sodas and snacks and stuff.
Here you go, buddy.
I'm gonna start you out with 10 tokens.
See if you can make that last the entire weekend.
Thanks.
You better fill up on your sodas right now
'cause I got a pretty strict
no-beverage rule in my home.
- And here's our laundry center.
- Thank God!
Talk about a four-leaf clover!
Do you mind if I put my clothes
in here and dry them out?
- Absolutely. Go ahead, Tom.
- All right.
Oh, my gumble.
What's going on here?
You can't use tokens on that, Tom.
It's a quarters-only machine.
So, what should I do?
You can use
that "Re-coin Your Token" machine
and it'll change
the tokens back into quarters.
- That isit's just busted then?
- Of course it is, Tom.
Now let's get this party started.
So, this music
just plays all the time, or?
If it's bothering you
I can turn it down a little.
- OK.
- It's not a problem.
Tom?
Yes?
Tom?
Cock 'o block!
- Chocolate or?
- Cock 'o block!
Cock 'o block, yeah! ♪
Press the magic glove,
'cause strategy's the game
Move your cock right into battle,
spill the blood and take the pain
Can you feel the power? ♪
Can you feel the power now? ♪
Cock 'o block! ♪
Is it over yet?
Yep. It's safe to come back in, Tom. You lost.
All right. You know what?
I'm getting a little parched here.
Do you mind if I just jump out
and take a soda break?
Good news! I made it!
Saul, good to see you again!
- What the heck are you doing here?
- Oh, man.
Joy kicked me out.
It's a real bad scene back there.
Well, I guess I should head back home then
take care of business,
me being the man of the house.
No, man. You are the last person she wants to see right now.
- Trust me.
- Saul.
Nice didgeridoo collection.
You mind if I take one for a spin?
Go ahead, man, sure.
Not bad. Do you mind if I sit in with you?
Come on, Tom.
Give it a shot.
I'm no Mozart,
but I'll give it my best.
I wish I had
my minidisc recorder, man.
I had my own reasons
for leaving my family
and I'm cool with that,
you know?
I've forgiven myself, but
It just burns me to see
my sons being raised by that guy.
I know what you mean.
I just wish they I just they had
a stronger role model around the house.
Someone who could teach
them about life and work
Talk to me, my baby bear.
Please talk to me.
Say something to me.
There's a place I go called Shepherd's Mesa.
It's about
a ten-day drive from here.
You can see the sun rise
and set at the same time.
That's where I go
to communicate with my soul.
You have a serious
seriously strong energy about you.
Just, I feel it, I feel it
It's crazy.
I can likebite it.
I just
I would like this to stop, please.
Your turn.
What's your biggest fear?
I'm just afraid I'll never
hear my bear speak again.
You just need to get some fresh batteries.
Any batteries will do.
Tom, shut up!
It's not about batteries.
- I think I can fix your bear, man.
- Oh, my God! Thank you, Saul.
Follow me, children, to the roof.
Bring the didgeridoos.
No, no.
I better stay inside here.
It looks we're getting
a lightning storm.
I got a fair amount of underwire
in my briefs here
You know, for support.
OK.
Grab one of the bear's legs.
- Save him!
- Hold it close to the lightning.
I feel so alive!
We can do this together!
We can totally do this together.
Hey, guys, check it out.
I found some batteries.
You're fantastic.
Happy Saint Patriot's Day!
Thank you, Saint Patriots.
He's alive!
Well, Saul, he's gone.
But the good news is that his life energy
passed right from
his body right into my bear.
With your permission, I'd like to spread his ashes all over Shepherd's Mesa.
Well, yeah.
All right, Mayor.
Red and yellow
and orange and green
Rainbow ride ⪯
Rainbow ride ⪯
Tasty purple
and pink and blue ♪
- Where the heck am I?
- Ready, bros? Here we go.
Rainbow ride ⪯
Abso-lutely.