And Just Like That... (2021) s03e01 Episode Script

["ONLY YOU" BY YAZ PLAYING]
[AUTOMATED VOICE] Armed. Away.
[AMBIENT STREET NOISE]
[SONG FADES OUT]
["HOT TO GO!" BY CHAPPELL
ROAN PLAYING IN BAR]
Guys, thanks.
I couldn't do another one
of these lady bars alone
with no one coming up to talk to me.
It was like law school,
minus the penises.
So, not law school.
Well, did you try talking to anyone?
Mostly I stood, smiled,
and ran up a $37 mocktail tab.
Alright, show me your bar smile.
- Adorable!
- Yeah, I'd go home with you.
I know, right? What's
wrong with these ladies?
[LAUGHTER, CHATTER]
[CHARLOTTE] Oh
Miranda, there's a woman
over there smiling at you.
[MIRANDA] Are you sure it's me?
The last woman who came over
was interested in you.
Oh, she was nice.
- Oh, you were a cute couple.
- [LAUGHTER]
Okay, now she knows
we're talking about her.
- Talk about something else.
- Oh, um
well, Carrie, have you heard
anything from Aidan?
Oh, yeah. I got a postcard today.
A postcard? Um,
w-well, what did he write?
[CARRIE] Nothing.
I've been sending him
vintage postcards of old New York.
To remind him you're
getting old in New York?
With just a heart drawn on them.
You know, just to let him
know I'm here, I love him.
And so, now, he's sending me back
- blank postcards from Virginia.
- Aww.
Blank postcards gets an "aww"?
Well, not an over-the-top "aww,"
but it is sweet,
and it's better than nothing.
Listen, Aidan asked
for no communication
while he deals with his family stuff,
- I'm givin' it to him.
- As long as it's working for you.
I'm a big girl in a big city
with a big house to furnish.
I've got plenty to do up here
while he figures stuff out down there.
I mean, I have to wait
six months for the fabric
that I ordered for the
chaise. It's on backorder.
And I love Aidan almost as much
- as I love that fabric.
- [CHUCKLES]
So, you know, it's like
my relationship's on backorder.
For five years?
Come on, five years?
Oh, well, we've moved
from a potential smile
to a definite wave,
and it's it's, uh,
it's definitely at you.
- She's young.
- She's waving.
- And we're leaving.
- Oh.
- Give her your smile.
- Okay.
Miranda, hi!
Cassandra.
Cassandra Walsh,
Brady's old babysitter.
Oh, I know. [CHUCKLES]
I just walked over here to say,
"Hey there, Cassandra Walsh."
- How's Brady?
- Good. He's good.
And how's my favorite brownstone
- in the entire effing world?
- We just sold it.
Actually, got an offer out of nowhere.
We're divorced now.
Brady's living in a loft with his dad.
I'm in an Airbnb in the Village.
Elephant in the room:
I'm a lesbian now.
- Welcome.
- Thank you.
Okay, my girlfriend's walking in.
Oh!
Good for you. [LAUGHS]
Go, go. I'm gonna get
myself another cocktail.
Actually, a mocktail.
I'm I'm in the program.
- Good for me. [CHUCKLES]
- It's nice to see you.
Nice to see you too.
Could I have another Phony Negroni?
- [BARTENDER] Got it.
- Thank you.
[SNORING]
[FACETIME RINGING]
Seema Patel!
Hey, you. Oh. [CLEARS THROAT]
Artold, it's you again.
Well, let me guess,
Ravi sends his apologies?
We're filming straight through lunch.
He needs another hour.
I could've flown to the
goddamn movie set,
in Egypt, in the time
I've been waiting.
Understood. I, um, I can reschedule.
No, no.
We haven't spoken in a week.
I'm just being bitchy.
Understood. Um, bitch away.
Thank you for that.
- I'm good.
- He'll call back in a
[SIREN WAILING]
[FIRETRUCK HONKING]
[RADIO CHATTER]
Who still smokes in bed?
Only the mattress went up.
You're very lucky.
Lucky? Look at my hair!
[SLURPING]
[BARTENDER] Closing up. Night, Brenda.
See you soon.
["LOVE IS A LOSING GAME" BY
AMY WINEHOUSE PLAYING IN BAR]
[PATRON] I'm coming home.
There's nothing but
randos at the bar now.
Oh, okay. [CHUCKLES]
For what it's worth, I would not
put you in the rando category.
- Nor I, you.
- Very nice grammar.
- Are you a teacher?
- Uh, no, I'm a lawyer.
But don't hold that against me.
I work for Human Rights Watch.
No way! I'm in town all week
for the world conference
for Compassion of the Unhoused.
Oh, yes! A colleague
of mine is covering that.
Wow.
- I'm Miranda.
- Hi, I'm Mary.
- Oh, hi, Mary.
- Hi.
- Where are you visiting from?
- Winnipeg.
- Oh.
- Well, that's a lie, really.
It's a small town outside
of Winnipeg, Dunnottar,
but I I just wanted to
impress you. [CHUCKLES]
[CHUCKLES]
You are so pretty.
For a rando. [CHUCKLES]
No, for a person.
I have a hotel room.
Okay.
- Really?
- Great.
- Okay.
- [LAUGHS]
[SONG FADES OUT]
[AMBIENT STREET NOISE]
[HERBERT GROANS]
[SLEEPY] What's happenin'?
- Uh
- What time is it?
Oh, it's early.
- [WHISPERS] Just don't wake up.
- [GROANS]
[WHISPERS] It's only 4:15.
I couldn't sleep, so I'm just gonna go
work on my presentation for PBS.
- Just go back to sleep.
- Lisa, I was back asleep.
You you just woke me up again.
- I'm so sorry. Just go back to sleep.
- Lis, I'm trying.
Okay, sorry.
[YAWNS]
Oh, my God. Coffee, coffee.
Okay, so, the ten women
that I'm highlighting include
Hm.
[MOANING, GROANING]
- [MARY CHUCKLES]
- [MIRANDA EXHALES]
- You are amazing.
- Oh!
I have never experienced
anything like that.
Oh.
This is a nice way to wake up.
Oh, you are really, really something.
- I am?
- Oh, my God, yes.
It felt so, I don't know,
electric, and yet, still so natural.
I never dreamed my first
time could be both those things.
- First time?
- Mm-hm.
So, then, this was your
first time with a woman?
This is my first time with anyone.
I'm a virgin. Well, I was a virgin.
You were a v-virgin?
Yes, I'm a nun.
You're a nun.
[CHUCKLES]
Monster!
That beast was off leash on the path
and attacked my dog, Peanut.
The vet said his second
sacral vertebrae is shattered!
I'm sorry. You're mistaken.
My dog is never off leash
unless he's down there in the dog run.
It was not in the dog run!
It was off leash!
I was there, you weren't!
Let's just calm down.
Who are you? And
why should I calm down?
Her grotesquely fat dog pounced
Okay, let's stop with the
body shaming and start again.
You are paying for Peanut's MRI.
I'm very sorry about his sore back,
but my dog is a pussycat,
a sweetheart, a sweet baby angel.
I know what I saw!
- Do you have witnesses?
- I was alone.
Not surprising.
The woman was unhinged.
I mean, she was practically
foaming at the mouth.
[HARRY] People are
crazy now. They're crazy.
I saw two vegans get into fisticuffs
on the smoothie line at Whole Foods.
I mean, how dare she?
You can't just accuse
an innocent dog of assault.
- I'm sorry. That never happened.
- Mom, believe women.
Please don't give me that now.
I need to see her proof.
Where is her proof?
Could the dog walker have
gone rogue and let him off leash?
I mean, all we really
know about the guy
is that he wears cargo shorts
and is wildly overpaid.
Hi. Maybe don't order
so much fast fashion?
It's killing the environment.
Hi. Maybe don't leave
your smelly socks
on the bedroom floor?
- It's killing my environment.
- And good morning to you too.
[LILY] Mom, don't forget,
Aunt Carrie, Uncle Anthony,
and Giuseppe are all going to
the ballet's "friends and family"
dress rehearsal Thursday afternoon.
Remind me why I am leaving
the gallery two hours early?
Because it's a privilege
to be invited.
And she's all I.L.Y. for this boy
in the ballet classes she plays for.
- He's 20.
- What's "I.L.Y."?
- "I love you."
- And I love you too.
- You see what I did there?
- Okay, everybody, come on, out!
It's time to go. And I'll
miss you all day, baby.
I'll pretend she was talkin' to me.
I almost died waiting for a FaceTime.
But you know what?
I like the new length.
Thanks. I lost three
inches and almost my life.
Why didn't you just wait 'til
a better time to talk to him?
Well, because I'm not you.
I don't have your calm reserve
- that everything will work out.
- [SCOFFS] Okay.
I'm more a kind of "nothing
will work out" kinda gal.
[LAUGHING]
[CARRIE] Hey, congratulations!
- [GRADUATES] Thank you!
- Look at them.
So cool, so confident.
- So not dating in their 50s.
- [CHUCKLES]
So, while my hair
was still smoldering,
I called him and kind of demanded
that he fly to New York and see me.
How does one kind of demand?
I need proof that he loves me.
What must it be like to not need that?
You. I'm asking you. What's it like?
Seema, Aidan and I have
been in each other's lives
for a very, very long time.
I mean, we know how we
feel about one another now,
but trust me there was a time
Oh, I wish I knew you then.
- Because this girl
- So sure, so confident.
- So not dating in her 50s.
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]
So, the final choice for my docuseries
celebrating ten unknown,
unsung Black sheroes
is the pilot Bessie Coleman,
essentially the African
American Amelia Earhart.
- [SHERYL] Oh.
- Yeah.
- [EESHA] Wow.
- Yeah.
- Lisa, these are all amazing choices.
- Agreed.
And and when we got
the list, Eesha and I,
- we just we just had one thought.
- Mm!
- Before we take it to PBS
- [PHONE RINGING]
Oh. So sorry, Sheryl.
It's my husband. Uh, must be urgent.
- Is everything okay?
- Am I cool?
Excuse me?
My campaign manager,
he, he said I need
to up my "cool factor"
in my bid for comptroller.
Herbert, you are running
for city comptroller.
There is nothing cool about that.
There's also nothing cool
about you calling me
when you know
I'm in my important pitch.
Still? I'm sorry. I I thought
that'd be over by now.
[WHISPERS] They were 45 minutes late.
That's not cool.
But I'm cool, right?
You are the coolest man
ever running for comptroller.
[KISSES] Hm.
- [EESHA] Screen that again.
- Sorry, it was urgent,
but not too urgent. Everything's fine.
Sheryl, so you were saying that
you and Eesha had a thought?
- Um
- Oh, yes.
We were thinking maybe
you could switch out
one of your ten choices
for Michelle Obama.
Wow, uh, I I worship her.
Who doesn't?
She's extraordinary. [CHUCKLES]
But this series is about unsung women,
and Michelle Obama is sung,
like, very, very sung.
It's hard to conceive
a docuseries based on
the first Black women
to excel in a field
and not include
the first Black First Lady.
- It answers the question, "Where is she?"
- [SHERYL] Mm.
I don't know where she is.
I I don't know her.
Grace? Thoughts?
Yeah, I I don't know
where she is either.
Lisa, you'll figure it out.
- [EESHA] This is gonna be so fun!
- [SHERYL] Woo! Fun and done!
[EESHA AND SHERYL CHUCKLING]
- [SHERYL] Do you wanna get some lunch?
- I'm fasting.
- [DOOR CLOSES]
- [HUSHED] What?! Michelle Obama?!
- Okay, Shoe.
- [SHOE MEWING]
This is velvet. Don't even look at it.
[AUTOMATED VOICE] Kitchen door open.
- Ohh, shit.
- [ALARM SOUNDING]
- Kitchen door open.
- Shit.
- [ALARM SOUNDING]
- Shit, shit, shit.
- Kitchen door open.
- Oh. Hi.
Hi, my alarm is going off.
- Kitchen door open.
- Uh, 8 Gramercy Park West.
- Checking.
- Kitchen door open.
Oh, my identifying code
is "Carrie and Aidan."
- The kitchen door, yes.
- Kitchen door.
- Hold on.
- [ALARM SOUNDING]
- Um nope. Nope. It's closed.
- Kitchen door open.
And this is the third
time it's happened.
Kitchen door open.
[SIGHS] Um, okay. Yeah, I'll reset it.
Now, just, can you not
send the police again?
- Thank you.
- [ALARM SOUNDING]
- Uh, thank you.
- Kitchen door open.
[GROANS] It's not!
- [YELPS] Ooh.
- Kitchen door open.
- Ow.
- [ALARM SOUNDING]
Kitchen door open.
[ALARM SOUNDING]
Kitchen door open.
- [ALARM SOUNDING]
- Kitchen door open.
[SIGHS] Miranda
- Kitchen door open.
- I've fallen and I can't get up.
It's really just my pinky finger.
- I'm glad.
- But I'm not sorry you came.
I am sorry that I actually said
the phrase that's been
haunting me for decades.
[CHUCKLES] So, what's
the deal with that door?
Oh, they said that
my sensors must be off.
They're sending someone to fix it.
Well, my sensors are off too.
After you left the bar,
I had sex with a nun.
I cannot leave you alone for a minute.
In my defense, Mary never
mentioned she was a nun
and she was dressed
like a regular lesbian.
- Aren't they all?
- In fact,
she didn't mention it
until right after
she told me she was a virgin.
- [PHONE DINGS]
- So, you deflowered the Virgin Mary?
[LAUGHS] Oh!
This is a text from her, the nun.
You gave her your number?
She asked for it. I couldn't say,
"No. Sorry, Sister Mary
One Night Stand."
- Can I ghost a nun?
- It would be a holy ghost.
She's inviting me to dinner
at Tavern on the Green.
- Tavern on the Green?
- She doesn't know.
It's her first trip to New York City.
I'm just gonna say, "Thank you,
but I have to work late,"
which I do, so.
- Mm.
- I should get back there.
Wow.
I don't know which is worse.
That you slept
with a nun or a tourist.
Like she's sitting up
in Martha's Vineyard
saying, "Barack, you know
what's missing from my life?
"Unknown Black filmmaker who wants me
to be in her series about
unknown Black ladies."
- [CHUCKLES] You want some wine?
- I want all the wine.
Dad, why do you have two buttons open?
Let me guess. Because you're cool?
[HERBERT] Damn right because I'm cool.
Because Daddy's cool.
And Mommy is throwing him
a very cool cocktail reception
at the Red Rooster on Saturday night.
It was either that
or open you a TikTok account.
Please, no.
[LISA] Your campaign
manager left me no choice.
Sent me so many texts, I just broke.
His name is Chauncey.
"Chauncey." The epitome of cool.
- Mommy, how's this dumpling?
- Perfect.
But why do you have
Eugenia out here?
- I'm doing a report on her for school.
- That's wonderful,
but we're cooking, and
she's a collector's item,
so why don't you take her
over there by the bench
and get her away from the meat?
She already smells like pork.
Does anyone in your firm
have a connection to the Obamas?
I can check.
But, Lisa, that's not your vision.
Now, correct me, but
isn't that what they bought?
Your vision? Stick up for yourself.
Supporting your wife
to stick up for her vision?
- Very cool.
- Hm.
[LISA] Hey, there he is!
Go take a shower and
come back down for dinner.
Hey, Mom, I'm gonna just go
ahead and, uh, order a pizza
and eat in my room. That cool?
- Uh, that's a no.
- [GABBY CHUCKLES]
Go shower. Be back down in ten.
- Go.
- I hate Chinese food.
And I hate that attitude.
- Gross.
- [HERBERT] No. Cool.
- What is this song?
- [LAUGHTER]
- It's from an American television show.
A very old American television show.
He doesn't need to know that.
Carrie, may I say you look
particularly pretty this afternoon?
Well, you can
if you say it in Italian.
Carrie, posso dirti che sei
particolarmente bella
questo pomeriggio?
I'm takin' him.
You're already taken.
In fact, I'm surprised
you're even at this
stupid ballet thing.
Why aren't you holed up
in your gorgeous house
splittin' some rails with Paul Bunyan?
- He's outta town.
- Oh, for how long?
I don't know. Hey,
here we are, little ones!
- Hi.
- Hi!
[ROCK] My mom's not coming.
- Oh, why?
- Our dog walker quit
'cause he said he
no longer felt trusted,
so she has to find a doggy daycare.
Yeah, her favorite child's
needs are more important.
- True.
- Let's go in.
No hugs for your guncle?!
No!
- [CARRIE AND LILY SIGH]
I always loved this part.
So what do ya mean you don't know?
- Excuse me?
- How long Aidan's outta town for.
How can you not know?
Well, I I don't know
because he doesn't know.
You know, he has he has
family stuff. It's complicated.
So, he's doing his thing,
I'm doing my thing.
- We'll figure it all out.
- Figure what all out?
Uh, so, uh, Carrie, um,
how's the writing going?
Are you working on your next book?
Oh. Actually, no, I'm not.
I've just been consumed
with the new house.
In fact, I haven't even
opened up my laptop in weeks.
[CHUCKLES] Well, I have
to write every day.
- [CARRIE] Hm.
- And most nights.
True.
Which one is Lily into?
That one.
You mean Mr. Nude Illusion?
[SOFTLY] It's ballet, not Grindr.
[DOGS BARKING]
- Hi.
- Hi.
I'm having a bit of a crisis.
- Oh, no.
- I just found out
that my dog walker has trust issues.
- Oh, no.
- So, I need to find
somewhere to leave my baby
while I go to work tomorrow,
- and until I can find another dog walker.
- Mm.
- [DOG WHIMPERS]
- Oh, no.
What does that mean?
- You don't wanna hear my side?
- Oh, no.
[CHUCKLING]
Woo!
- Did he just smile at me?
- Sweetie, I think he did.
- I I'm going backstage to say hi.
- Okay, okay.
Okay, so, I couldn't stop
thinkin' about this the whole thing.
How are you gonna be in a relationship
if you don't even know
when he's comin' back?
And if he has family
problems, that's his problem.
That has nothing to do with you.
And what are you supposed to do?
Sit in that big castle
all alone and wait?
Who are you, friggin' Rapunzel?
You know what I like about ballet?
No words.
Okay, so basically no one's here
and there's still a
line for the bathroom.
- Hey, we gettin' a cheeseburger?
- Yeah.
Alright.
Uh, did she seem
a little mad underneath?
It wasn't so much underneath.
What? I just gave her my
opinion. That's who I am.
Maybe, don't be so you,
all the time.
Think first, huh?
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[SHOE PURRING]
Hm.
[PHONE RINGING]
Hey. Hi.
[AIDAN] [OVER PHONE]
I miss you so much.
Hm.
I thought we weren't supposed to call.
Well, that rule went out the
window after this third beer.
[CHUCKLES]
Where are you?
In my truck in a field,
out behind the house.
Why are you out there?
[AIDAN] Well, I don't allow
beers in the house now.
Why?
You mean Why-att? [LAUGHS]
[CHUCKLES] We're making
jokes about it now?
Laugh or cry, right?
[CARRIE] How's he doin'?
Oh okay. Today
I I don't wanna waste
this buzz on him.
I wanna talk about you.
I ache for you.
Can men ache?
[AIDAN] Well, this man
can and does, no shit.
I ache.
If I was there right now
I'd be touching you the way you like.
You remember how
you like me to touch you?
I do.
[AIDAN] Touch yourself.
Go ahead.
Touch yourself. Be me for me.
Are you touching yourself?
I am.
Oh, you know how much
I love you, Carrie?
[WHISPERS] I love you.
I love you.
I'm right there with you.
- [HORN HONKS]
- Ah!
[CARRIE] Wait, what, what happened?
Oh, my God. I scared myself.
I hit the horn with my knee.
[CHUCKLING] I think I
might've shit my pants a little.
[LAUGHING]
No, no, no. Hey, hey,
hey. Don't break it.
Don't break the mood.
[GROANS] It's so fuckin' hot.
Come on. We can get back there.
[CHUCKLES] Can we?
Oh, yeah. Come on.
I need I need this so fucking much.
Oh, yeah.
Are you still inside yourself?
[SIGHS] Yeah.
[AIDAN] Oh.
- Yeah, I am.
- I'm right there with you.
Fuck yeah! Do it.
Here it comes. [GROANS]
- [CARRIE FAKE MOANING]
- Here it comes.
- Here it fucking comes.
- Oh, my gosh. Me too.
[GRUNTING] Oh, fuck!
- [AIDAN PANTING]
- Oh, my goodness.
[AIDAN] Oh, fuck.
[PHONE DINGS]
[SOFTLY] Oh, my God.
- [CARRIE] Hi, it's me. Leave a message.
- [BEEP]
Carrie, I'm leaving you a voicemail
because I think you need
to hear these words.
I just got another text
from Sister Mary Tourist,
and she's inviting me
to meet in Central Park
to ride the carousel.
Okay, bye.
[SIGHS]
- There we go.
- That feel good to you?
- Hey, you're stuck on the, uh
- That's much better.
[WORKERS CHATTERING]
Ravi? You're two hours early.
The bed's not ready, and
these guys are still here.
- And
- I only see you.
This is like a movie or some shit.
These are incredible.
Nothing compared to you.
Darling, is your hair shorter?
Good morning, darling.
You're up and dressed already?
- Egypt time.
- Thank you.
So, I thought,
let's make good use of it.
I reserved a table
at Jean-Georges for lunch.
Love it.
I have one movie thing
to get out of the way,
then it's all us.
So, how much time do I have?
The sooner we go,
the sooner it's just you and me.
Wow. Wow.
Did I mention "wow"?
- Shall we?
- Shall we what?
Get in. I just have to scout
one little movie location.
I'm sorry. Am I still asleep?
Maybe I could call my driver
and you and I could follow behind?
Oh, no, darling. The captain
has to stay with his crew.
Alright. "Dramatic
post-apocalyptic pier near water,"
three locations.
What's that fragrance?
You know how I feel
about perfume in a van.
I haven't worn any in five years.
It's me.
Roll down your window.
[CHARLOTTE] Look at
Mr. Burton's Instagram!
Fifteen "warning" emojis!
This is a witch hunt!
It totally is.
Look, I know this is not ideal,
but would you ever consider
just paying her damn MRI bill
- and make it go away?
- No, I would not!
No, you would not. Got it.
Then, she and her
delusional reality win.
I know my sweet baby angel.
- [GROWLING]
- And even if he was off leash,
he is not violent.
There is not a destructive
He's got Eugenia!
- Who's Eugenia?
- She is a free girl of color
from pre-Civil War
New Orleans. Drop her!
- Mr. Burton, no!
- Drop her! Drop her!
- Drop her! Drop her! Oh!
- No!
[BOTH SIGH]
- Okay. She's fine.
- I'm so sorry, Lisa.
He's never done anything
like this before.
Well, Eugenia does smell like pork.
I feel like the mother
from The Bad Seed.
[MR. BURTON BARKS]
[SEAGULLS CAWING]
Nope.
This location does not
say "annihilation."
This does not say "their
world is coming to an end."
- Ravi?
- Yes, love.
[SEEMA] Our reservation
is at one o'clock.
Can't their world come to an end
closer to 65th and Madison?
Uh, traffic on the bridge,
it says 2:10 for arrival
on the Upper East.
Ah, damn. Sorry, Seema.
I will move our reservation to dinner.
No worries for lunch, though.
We got, uh, sandwiches in the cooler.
[RAVI] Look, my
characters are superheroes.
They're not girls from Lululemon.
This location is more
vanilla than the last one.
Storyboard.
Sir, uh, they're predicting rain.
- What?
- [PHONE RINGING]
[CARRIE] Mm.
So, ya finally came up for air?
Yes! I mean, too much air.
I'm standing on a broken-down
pier, God knows where.
My guess is hell.
Ravi had to scout locations
and wanted me to come.
Oh, so it's, uh, "take
your lover to work" day?
We were supposed
to go to Jean-Georges.
I've been kidnapped, and I
still have another pier to go.
Well, isn't it kinda sweet
that he wanted to share
his work with you?
I had Sprite and chips in a van.
Alright, hang up.
I'm sending a chopper.
It was the vertebrae, right?
Ooh, the little baby. Yeah,
but she feels so good. Yeah.
Hello. I have come to
say that even though
what you are putting out into
the world is 100% conjecture,
and I am still not convinced
that it actually happened,
because of Peanut's lower back pain,
I have come to exchange
information to pay his MRI bill.
It happened. I know what I saw.
Let me find my glasses.
Ugh, I can never find them.
And I'm blind without them.
Oh, yeah. Like it never happened.
- Whoa, whoa!
- Ah! There!
- Ah!
- Get outta here! Oh! Get outta here, go!
He's off leash again.
Get your dog off my Peanut!
That is not my dog!
- My dog is here on his leash
- Down, boy, down!
per usual.
And because you can't
see the difference
between two totally different dogs,
I have lost a trusted dog walker,
and my sweet baby angel is canceled.
Whoever owns this dog,
get this monster away
from me and my Peanut!
And I expect all of those inflammatory
Instagram posts to be taken down ASAP.
Come on, Mr. Burton. I am sorry
for doubting you for even a second.
My purse better not be broken!
Yes, yes. Finally. This is it.
Their world is over.
Seema, look at that sunset.
Perfect drama for the end, yes?
My two titans realize
that they cannot go on,
that the world they have created,
it ends right here on
this epic spot, yes?
Yes, I guess art imitates life.
We missed lunch. And now dinner.
Damn. I lost track of time.
You also lost track of me.
Or, maybe, I lost track of me.
- What are you saying?
- I'm saying this pier
is the end of your movie,
and also the end of ours.
Thank you for coming all this way.
I know it was a lot to ask.
Darling, this was just a bad day.
I am totally focused on you.
You didn't even remember
why my hair was shorter.
I almost died waiting for a FaceTime.
You're upset. We
could talk more later.
Let's get back in the van.
Oh, honey, no. I called my driver.
I don't do vans or Cool
Ranch potato chips.
But I did try.
Artold can pick up your things.
- This is it? We're over?
Seema?
I will always love you.
Great last line. Roll credits.
Well, at least it didn't rain.
I hope Chauncey thinks
my guest list is cool enough.
Lisa, be nice.
- Hi!
- Hey!
grassroots movement.
- Hi, everybody!
- And that starts with each individual voter.
- We gotta connect with the
- How are you?
- Feel like you're
- Chauncey. Hey!
- Herbert! [LAUGHS]
- What's up?
This is quite the success, Lisa.
- Wow!
- Yes.
Pretty good turnout
considering the four-day
ultimatum I was given.
Hi, Janet!
- Thank you so much for coming.
- Of course!
Eat everything.
The fritters are no joke.
- Woo! I'll talk to you later.
- [GROUP] Okay.
- Aidan called.
- [GASPS] He did?!
- Yes, I know how you worry.
- And how was that?
Um, he said he missed me, and, um
we had phone sex.
Oh, you had phone sex!
More specifically, he had
phone sex. I stopped midway.
The kitty was watching.
Her little eyes, so very curious.
So, um, when he went there,
I faked it.
Yep, I faked phone sex.
- I've faked real sex.
- Well, I haven't.
Aidan and my sex life is the
most honest thing about us.
- Aww.
- Yes, that is actually "aww" -worthy.
And now I feel dishonest.
- Hey, Anthony.
- Hello, ladies.
It's me, your gay Harlem Globetrotter.
Can you just lower the music?
Thank you.
- Uh
- [CLINKING GLASS]
[DJ LOWERS MUSIC]
[HERBERT] Hello. [CHUCKLES] Hello.
Everyone, uh, as a thank you
for, uh, making it out tonight
the vocal stylings
of Five Alarm Choir.
It's his college a capella group.
[APPLAUSE]
[SHOUTS] Yeah, baby! Woo!
- This is good.
- Okay, yes, yes, very good.
Sit down, sit down,
sit down, baby. Okay.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I should never have said
any of what I said.
I've recently been told
I have too many opinions.
Only recently? [CHUCKLES]
I'm sorry.
Please don't cut me out.
It took me so long to get in.
- I would never cut you out.
- Wouldn't you? [CHUCKLES]
- You were pretty mad.
- I was.
And just like that, I'm not.
Apology accepted.
Thank you.
[KISSES]
And just so you know, you're not
the only one with opinions about us.
You're just the only one
that says 'em out loud.
[CHUCKLING]
Why didn't anyone clear this
glee club with me? So not cool.
Chauncey, I am creating
a 10-part docuseries for PBS
and I have a
full-to-bursting home life,
so you cannot come
running to me and expect help
every time something in
this campaign needs attention.
Sorry. I'm all in.
That's how we did
things in the White House.
The White House?
You worked at the White
House? Whose White House?
Excuse me. I gotta wrap this up.
No, no. You go. Go. We'll talk.
[APPLAUSE]
Herbert! You nailed that shit, man!
Thank you.
- [MOUTH FULL] That is so good.
- [PHONE DINGS]
A little pot of heaven.
Oh, my God!
This nun is in love with me.
She just got out of Wicked
and wants me to meet her some place.
Where?
You can't handle it.
Try me.
She's at the M&M Store now
and wants me to meet her
in Times Square.
[LAUGHING] I'm sorry.
The M&M Store in Times Square?
Oh, Miranda, you're strong,
but you can't come back from that.
Just not responding
to her feels so mean.
She's really, really nice.
- Oh.
- Plus, it was her first time.
What am I gonna do?
Give my regards to Broadway.
[CARS HONKING]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
High five.
- Have a good night.
- Thank you.
- [MIRANDA] Mary! Mary! Hi!
- Oh, hi. Hi, how are you?
- I'm good.
- I brought you a gift.
- Oh.
- Customized M&M's from the M&M Store.
Miranda, Mary.
- Oh!
- M&M. Get it?
- Thank you.
- Yes. You're welcome.
Uh, how did you enjoy the show?
- Oh, it was heaven!
- Yeah?
I mean, Wicked live,
New York City, and you?
- [CHUCKLES]
- This is the best week of my life.
Would you like to spend the night?
Mary it's been really
wonderful being with you,
but I I think
we need to maybe just
- Oh! Oh!
- Whoa, whoa! Watch it, buddy!
- Sorry, ma'am.
- That's okay. Uh, let's, uh
Can we talk over there?
So, I I gather you're at the
beginning of a new journey,
and I know how that is because I
just got off a crazy chapter myself.
- Oh.
- But don't do anything
solely based on what
you're feeling right now.
- Like what? What do you mean?
- I don't know. I guess
don't leave God for me.
Miranda, I would never leave God.
We're married.
Look, I always knew this person
was somewhere inside of me.
And now I've met her
thanks to you.
- It's from Wicked.
- I figured.
[SOFTLY] Good night.
I'll see you in the morning.
[RINGBACK TONE]
Hey.
- Hey.
- [CARRIE] [OVER PHONE] I have a confession.
Um
I wasn't totally there
with you on the phone
the other night, you know?
And I said I was, but
I am here now.
And I'm touching myself
the way you touch me.
[WHISPERS] Touch yourself, Aidan.
Oh, Carrie, I can't do this right now.
I'm in bed with Wyatt. He's asleep.
- Okay.
- He had a bad night.
[SOFTLY] Oh, my God.
Oh, I'm so sorry. Okay. I'll go. Bye.
[AUTOMATED VOICE] Kitchen door open.
Oh, my God. No, it isn't!
- Kitchen door open.
- [ALARM SOUNDING]
- Kitchen door open.
- [SIGHS] Oh, God.
[ALARM SOUNDING]
Kitchen door
[SIGHS]
[CARRIE] The woman wondered
what she had gotten herself into.
sync & corrections awaqeded