Mind Your Language (1977) s03e02 Episode Script

Thank you
- Hello Gladys, tea without
sugar - tea without milk
oh, and how about you, you want
your tea withoutmilk or without sugar?
Without tea, for me coffee.
You are in early tonight
yes we come early
to do homework
every time we are doing
it wrong so we
make a plan to meet here
and do it all together
eh, plenty smart, eh?
- Here we are! - I hope
we are not being late
no we just got here
ourselves you want a tea?
- Oh thank you very
much! - Not that one
much better do the homework
first before mr. Brown arrives
this is a good idea. Ok first question
give a single noun to replace the
following phrases: A person who
has reached the age of 100
- anybody any ideas
- sure, very old man!
- That is not right - si hombre,
100 year old, very old man
no we want one word
for man who is 100
oh blime, I am
knowing that, Farouk
- what is Farouk? - My uncle,
he is being 100 years old
that is not being the
answer, you Tandouri twit!
All right you penjabi
prawn, you tell us the answer
centurion!
- That sounds ok to me - oki toki
everybody put down certrurion!
- Next question - right
give the past tense and the past
participle of the following verbs
cling
clung
that is right, clung, that is the past
tense now we want the past paciciple
- cling, clung - clang!
Oh blime, mr Brown will be surprised
when he find how clever we are
next question, past tense and
past participle of the word fly'
- flewed - no not flewed
- flied - that is better
- we want one more we
have fly, flied - fleed!
Hey we must do the homework
like this every time
and the next question,
give opposite in
meanings to following
nouns: Disapointment!
That appointment
with due respect-o, opposite
of disapointment-o is joy.
Oki toki
- can I have some milk
please Gladys? - Yeah.
- Hey Daniele, what have
you got in the pram
- a bag of the potatoes.
Not potato, bambino!
Hello bambino
hey he speak to me,
ah nice little boy
how you know he is a little boy?
Easy, he's got what every
little boy has blue clothes!
- Here, is he yours? - No he belongs
to the family I work as au pair
they had to go out tonight
so I thought
I would bring him
here to the lessons
- oh you can't do
that - why not?
Well its against regulations,
miss Courtney will never allow it
- are you sure? - Positive
what am I going to do? I don't want
I don't want to miss my classes
I tell you what to do, You
leave him here behind
my counter and collect
him when you go
- thank you Gladys
- don't mention it
see you later boys
holy ravioli, for what I am thinking
now I could be excomunicated
I was excomunicated
five minutes ago
give a collective noun to describe a
group of footballers
- Real Madrid - oh blime,
that is no good answer
- the correct answer is
team - that's right team
- who said that? - I did!
- How long have you been
here? - Long enough
a homework is work to do at home
individually not here collectively
as you obviuosly cannot be trusted
you will all stay behind after class
and do you homework
there come on!
Now there, what about a nice
smile for you auntie Glad
you know you're a nice fellow
I'm gonna tickle your
tommy Here give us a nice kiss
- Hello Sid! - Look Gladys,
what you do is your own affair
but be sure don't let miss
Courtney catch you at it
- oh, what do you
mean? - I heard you
I'm doing it as a favor you
want to tickle his tommy?
I beg your pardon?
Tickle his tommy,
he likes it, look!
It's Daniele's, I'm
looking after it for her
yeah? Lovely little fellow how
are you then? Aie, he bit me!
Come on everybody,
places please if possible
now that we've lost
Sultan and Ingrid
my counter and collect
him when you go
Jamila would you like
to come back to front?
No master-J I am very glad to
be sit here in the backside
Taro?
Japanese philosopher once said-o a
person-o who is in front lin-o
more likely to get-o shot at-o
ah-so, ali and Sue Li why don't you
come out here then, all right?
Right now tonight, for a change
we are going to do a crossword
- you all know what a
crossword is? - Ya ya
all right I shall ask each
of you a clue and
I hope I will get some
correct answers
- Juan I'll start with you
- si signor.
- One across, the feminine
of a horse - por favor?
The feminine of horse, you've
heard of the word horse?
- Ah si si! Sore
throat - no that's hoarse
- it's all right - come
along the feminine of horse
- lady horse
- o anybody knows?
- Ya, feminine of horse,
mare - well done
- excuse me please - yes Ali?
- I am thinking, mayor is
not feminine - yes it is
oh no mayor of London is
most definitely masculine
that is a different sort of
mayour that's m a y o r
-jelly good - Rangit
3 across, not down
I am knowing it's not down because
you are saying it's across
- not down is the clue
- thousand apologies
well what is the answer?
No, what is not the
answer, the answer is up
thank you, Giovanni,6
across, a punctuation
mark used to indicate
antitheses or quotation
- ask me another - come along think,
I'll give you another clue
- it's not a comma but it begins
with a C - question mark
don't be ridiculous
anybody know?
- Colon - good, c o I o n
Ali, 7 across, a word used to
describe a group of 4 musicians
Beatles
this is not a group although
the Beatles were one of these
- oh blime, - well
think, if you have a cake
- and you cut it into four
you then have four - pieces
- yes but what is each
piece called? - A slice
- quarter -jally good
then what do we call four
musicians? Anybody?
- Quartet? - Good
quartet, well done
Sue Li, 8 across,
to tell an untruth
to spread decadent western
propaganda about republic of China
- well then the correct
answer is lie - same thing
that is a matter of opinion L I E Jemila,
one down, the plural of mouse
- mouses - no jemila think,
look look at the board
- its m, blank, c blank - no
master J I am also being blank
- mice - ah, mickey
- mickey? - Ha, mickey mouses
- mice - sorry masterji
- Taro - aso
2 down to consign or dismiss
to an inferior position
- you know the answer?
- Not know question-o
look is one of the teams finish down
the league that means they are
- very bad-o team-o
- they get relegated
then the answer is rel e
gate good, well eh Max
- yes boss - for down
the opposite of wealth
- skint - no
- broke? - No
if you are very poor, what
state are you in
desperate
- mr Brown, can I speak
to Daniele outside - yes if you must
it's very personal
- what is the matter?
- Baby's done a bunk
- is it the same as doing
a pouie? - No he's gone
gone?
Yes Gladys went to the ladies when
she come out, there he was gone
that is impossible
well if you don't believe it
come and look for yourself
- but if he's not there where can he be?
- I havent got the faintest idea
right now can anybody tell me the
rule about I and E? Jemila?
- I before E excepting
after C - very good
- Juan, Juan! - Si signor
- you are not paying attention
- si, plenty attention
all right what did I just say?
- You say, Juan you're
not paying attention
before that?
Before that you're right,
I not paying attention
we were discussing I
before E except after C
ah, its all right
- spell receipt - por favor?
- You heard, spell receipt
- R, E, C, I before e, E
- good - I,
come on, think you've
missed something out
what comes before T?
Breakfast
I am not amused, you're
not here to make jokes
- sorry amigo - P,
it's all right
Max, what always follows a Q?
People who are queuing
- the letter Q - R
- R? - Sure, LMNOPQR
we're discussing
spelling, not the alphabet
if a word begins with Q
what is the next letter?
I don't know boss
- U - me what?
- Q U, only U can
follow a Q - ok
mr. Brown can you
come to my office?
Now?
Yes it is most important
well carry on studying chapter
10 on spelling, I can't be long
- is it something I've
done? - I sincerely hope not
- take a look at
that - it's a pram
well done mr Brown
what do you normally
associate with prams?
- Babies? - Exactly
- good Lord you're
not? - Not what?
- Expecting? - Oh
don't be ridiculous
- look in the
pram - it's a baby!
- It certainly is not
a cockey spaniel
- well you must not
worry miss Courtney
I beg your pardon?
These things happen
in even the best families
there is no shame these days
being an unmarried mother
you silly little man, its not
mine I found it in the canteen
I've spoken to Gladys but
she denies All knowledge of it
The poor little mite has
obviously been Abandonned
oh how desgusting
I can only assume that
one of the students
from our school has
deliberately abandonned
that baby on our door step
- I thought you said it was in the canteen?
- Its just a figure of speech mr. Brown
now I shall ask all the teachers to
question their respective classed
in an effort to
discover the guilty party
I will go question mine
oh no you wont, you will stay
here and look out for the baby
while I go inform the
rest of the staff
hello shut shut don't
cry don't cry come over
here and see all the trees
see all the birdies
chirping, here we are
rock my baby on the tree top when the
wind blows the cradle will rock
when the bound breaks the cradle will fall
and down will come baby, cradle and all
there, what did you think of it? Stay
there, I 'm going to get you a choky
- what am I going to do? - Not to worry,
we'll find him for you
we'll serch the school
Sid and Gladys,
they've looked everywhere
maybe he's being baby napped
- you is being mean
kidnapped - yes please
Mr. And mrs, Barkley they
are going to kill me how
am I going to tell them
I lost their baby?
Why not write them a letter
I've got an idea, if
someone stole daniele's baby
why don't we go outside and
steal someone else's baby?
Don't be so stupid Max
now settle down and study your
books and why are you crying?
Miss Courtney I've
done something very bad
now what you do oustside is
no concern of mine
- that is in the school,
where is my baby? - Baby?
Oh so its yours is it?
- You know about
it - I found it
- sorry but I must go to him -just a
moment, come here I want to ask you
now I know that we live in a
permissive society and these things
are not untolered but you must think
of the baby, don't you love him a little?
- I love him very much - good, do you
know who the father is?
Yes
well then have you never
considered marrying him?
How can I, he's
only nine months old
- not the baby, his father - I don't think
his wife will be very happy
- he's a married man - yes
well that's difficult, they don't
care who they let into trouble
- it was his wife's idea
- good heavens how awful
- do your parents know the
situation you are in? - Yes
- well surely they don't approve
- certainly, next year my sister is coming
- to England to do the
same - extraordinary
oh no, many french
girls want to be au pair
- au pair? - Yes
this baby, it belongs to
the family you work for?
- That's right -
thank heaven for that
- pardon? - It doesn't matter
I promise I don't bring
him to the school again
well see that you don't
can I bring him in this class
no he can stay where he
is, he's in very good hands
oh there you are, thank goodness
come on dear to aunt Gladys
you're hungry, yes my darling
we'll go get a little milky
- at least he's stopped
crying - maybe he's dosed of
I got you a little choky mickey
- he's gone - maybe
he went for a walk?
- He cant walk, he just about can crawl
- well he must be around somewhere
- oh my God, the window is
open - what about it?
- He could have crawled out, could he
- of course he couldn't. Could he?
They crawl anywhere, I was the
biggest crawler in our street
- I can believe that, aren't you
frightened to look? - He's not there
he could go there on the
edge and turn around
- well go have a look - I cant stand
heights I've got claustro phobia
- vertigo - I got that
in one shoulder as well
I'll give you a bunk
up, I'll go see to my boiler
- arent you staying here? - No I cant
stand the sight of blood
- GLAD YS, what are yo
doing with that baby?
- Well I took it for
a drink of milk
well wait here for a minute
now take this baby back to
the canteen and keep it there
I never want to see it again
oh very well
oh my baby is he all right? I
take him to the classroom
oh no, miss Courtney said
I take him to the canteen
oh no, I cant take the
chance of loosing him again
please yourself
- he did it eh?
- Who did what?
Mr. Brown se saved the baby
off the window edge?
What are you talking about? The baby's
never been on the window edge
- no? - No
- well mr. Brown is
- very pretty baby - ya, I would like to
have a baby like that
- come out with me
tonight and I'll - Max
- professore, - oh
blime he's out of his mind
- you're all right mr. Brown -just
about, how's the baby?
- Oh he's ok - Thank
goodness for that
- will you hold him for me for a minute?
- Well I don't know if I can really
- while I fix his blanket - mr. Brown what
is that baby doing in the class?
- I'll give you three guesses