Loot (2022) s03e04 Episode Script

1
White stitching…
Cream stitching…
White stitching…
Cream stitching…
White stitching…
- [phone buzzes]
- Cream stitching…
[groans] Now I have to start all over.
[groans]
Absolutely not.
[groans] Die.
[John] Molly.
What?
God? Is that you?
Am I dead?
This is a very good outfit
to be a ghost in.
I think you and I need to talk.
- What?
- It's John.
John?
Where are you? Are you in my house?
Of course not.
- I hacked into your speaker.
- [gasps]
I own the company that makes them.
John, that is not okay.
That speaker is a sacred object
Beyoncé comes out of.
Wait, wait…
[sighs]
- It's me again.
- Fuck!
- You're in the cappuccino machine now?
- I know. I know.
I bought this company too.
It's kinda crazy how resourceful I am.
- Just give me 30 seconds.
- [scoffs]
[laughs] You're tickling me.
- Coochie coochie coo!
- Ew! Gross.
Coffee machine. Voice command.
Kill yourself.
[creaking]
- I'm in the oven now.
- [gasps]
Goddamn it.
Okay, I've been thinking about
starting a new foundation.
I'd love you to come over to my new place
so I can pick your brain about it.
Oh, right.
Like you're really into philanthropy.
You know what, John? I'd rather use
this oven to cook something myself
than spend one more second talking to you.
You cheated on me, and you completely
humiliated me. But I have moved on, okay?
I have a boyfriend now.
So bring him with you.
This is me extending my oven door to you,
hoping you'll take it.
The offer stands,
whenever you're ready. Ow!
[grunts] Cousin Molly,
we have a huge problem.
There's a ghost in the toilet,
and he wants to talk to you.
[sighs]
Uh, but you might want to
give it a couple of minutes.
["Gimme That Money" playing]
[song ends]
[footsteps approaching]
Yes.
Hey, Sis, thank you so much
for getting me this receptionist job.
I am so excited.
It is a trial run for now,
so we'll see how it goes.
- Hmm.
- [phone ringing]
Mm-hmm.
[ringing continues]
- You're supposed to answer that.
- Oh. It starts right now?
- Mm-hmm. Okay.
- Okay, let's do it.
- [breathes deeply, grunts, sighs]
- Mm-hmm.
"Whales" Foundation.
- Wells.
- Wells Foundation.
Uh, child, I don't know.
Your guess is as good as mine.
Uh, sweetie, your energy
is so toxic right now. I gotta go.
Mmm. Who was that guy?
- I don't know. That is your job.
- Oh. [mutters]
Okay. Look who's back.
- [Destiny] Mmm.
- Destiny.
Gemini season. TGIF.
It's Tuesday.
We know that. TGIF. "That Guy is Fun."
[scoffs] Howard,
I gave my sister a temp job here,
so can you set her up with email
and an ID, please?
Oh. [speaks indistinctly]
You are gonna love working here.
- Okay.
- Let me set you up.
Ooh. Actually, how many computers
do you manage here?
Oh. I'd say between the server
and the cloud, about six, seven billion.
Damn.
Vital to the operation. We love that.
[Howard chuckles]
[typing]
[taps on keyboard]
[taps on keyboard]
[taps on keyboard]
Howard, it keeps saying
my password is too dirty.
Okay, I have never seen that before.
I'ma spell "ass" with the number three.
[typing]
Okay, guys, MollyNation is killing it.
Let's keep that energy up
with no distractions.
["I Don't Want to Wait" plays]
Oh, my God. I'm having flashbacks
to jacking it to Dawson.
Why are you doing this?
John hacked into my house!
He's probably listening right now!
- [song stops]
- [sighs] Just so you know,
everything we're saying is being recorded,
so we should probably
write everything down.
Oh. [mutters]
[Molly groans]
John is such a piece of shit!
Why won't he leave me alone?
- Fuck!
- Honey, be careful of the vocal cords.
We have karaoke
with the Clooneys coming up.
Well, what did he want, Molly?
Oh, he said he wants to
"pick my brain" about charity.
But that guy is always
up to something. [scoffs]
Little weasel.
Well… [chuckles]
Good luck getting through me
and Paula Cole, dickhead!
["I Don't Want to Wait" resumes]
Will it be yes or will it be? ♪
- I don't want to wait…
- So…
Dawson? I always figured you
for more of a Pacey guy.
Oh, no. In these scenarios, I was
Academy Award winner Michelle Williams.
Oh.
I don't want to wait for our lives… ♪
[song fades out]
Hey. All this John hacking stuff
has really got me worried.
We have a ton of
powerful billionaire enemies.
Can you send out a memo
about cybersecurity?
Memo to self.
Write memo.
Thanks.
And keep an eye out on my sister.
She's going to suggest
a low country crab boil for lunch.
Do not agree.
[phone rings]
[phone clicks]
[Destiny] Hello, Wells Foundation.
Yeah, I could help you,
but you could also learn to help yourself.
[phone clicks]
Mmm.
Fix me, crystal.
Crystal, fix me.
How's it going over there?
The anger draining out at all?
[Molly] I don't think so.
I'm beginning to think my crystologist,
Dr. Robert Vibes,
is somewhat of a con artist.
[chuckles]
I am kind of worried about you.
You are? Why?
Because I got rid of all the toilets?
We can use the pool.
Look. You have every right
to be angry with John,
but I'm gonna say something crazy.
I think we should
take him up on his offer.
- Bitch face says what?
- Just hear me out.
[Molly sighs]
After my divorce,
I had a lot of anger towards my ex.
I mean, it was eating me up inside.
So how did you do it?
How did you get better?
Well, my ex and I agreed to meet
for coffee once a month.
- [sighs]
- And it really sucked…
and then it didn't.
John is always gonna be
in your life, Molly.
You know? I mean,
you run in the same circles.
His face is always on the news.
I mean, do you really
wanna live like this?
But, Arthur,
if we go to his house, he wins.
[Arthur] Look,
it's not about winning or losing.
It's not even about John.
It's about you.
[Molly sighs]
I just wish I could get a bigger crystal.
- Why can't you?
- [sighs]
Because they're never going to let
Dr. Robert Vibes back in the country.
Is this the Howard meeting?
I got an invite to "Hack to the Future,
colon, you in danger, girl.
Parenthesis,
a journey into cybersecurity."
Yeah, we have no idea what's going on.
I'll tell you what's going on.
I'm intrigued as hell
and I'm ready to rock.
- ["Heavy Action" plays]
- [Howard] Whoo!
Yeah!
[laughs]
Whoo!
Yeah!
Identity theft.
Data larceny.
- Wireless espionage.
- [gasps]
Who are you gonna call?
- Howard Wilson.
- [song ends]
[chuckles]
Welcome to my cybersecurity presentation.
Before we get started, how about
a little stand-up comedy to break the ice?
- Ooh.
- Oh, no.
[Howard] So, uh, let's see here.
I was at the store the other day,
you heard about those? [chuckles]
And, uh, they had
the deodorant all locked up.
And I'm like, "I didn't know
we were that antiperspirant."
- [laughs]
- [Nicholas] Howard,
can I talk to you outside, please?
Yeah.
What was that?
I'm trying to hook a fish, man. Destiny.
[sighs] Okay. Well, if you really like
someone, then just ask them out.
Or you can do what I do,
make eye contact with them in a sauna.
Oh, no. I can't do that.
I mean, look at her.
She's so far out of my league.
I gotta impress her. I gotta dazzle.
[softly] So could you please help me out?
[sighing] Fine.
You are so lucky
that it turns me on to trick people.
- [sighs]
- Okay. I'm gonna knock on the door.
You got this.
- I can do this, right?
- Yes.
Molly, there's our girl.
- What's up?
- Sweet Ed Hardy.
I mean, hello.
Is this the guy? This must be the guy.
What's up, "Artschool"?
- How you doing, man?
- Hey. Good.
Listen, any guy that's taking care
of my Molly is a brother to me.
Oh, thank you.
Uh, and thanks for having us.
Whoa. Delt City over here.
You kitesurf?
- I like kitesurfing. It's good for the V.
- Oh.
- Come on in, guys.
- Oh.
Um, John, you…
you seem different. [chuckles]
Yeah? Well,
I kinda totally reinvented myself.
I got new threads. I'm working out.
I am eating totally clean.
- [Arthur, Molly] Oh.
- All due, and all thanks to Luciana.
Who is Luciana?
Buona sera. [chuckles]
Sorry for my late.
I was, um, how you say?
- In the kitchen. [chuckles]
- That's right.
I make the rigatoni, and the spaghet.
Ah…
Mmm. Mwah.
[chuckles]
- Mmm.
- Oh.
Isn't she amazing?
She totally changed my life.
Hey, Luciana, save some for me, you know?
[laughs] Hey.
- Oh.
- Oh.
[Luciana] Oh.
He always want it. [chuckles]
You know, like a little boy
who want to suckle after the school.
- [imitates suckling]
- Om, nom, nom.
- [John] Yeah. [chuckles]
- "After the school"?
Yeah. Why don't you
make yourselves at home?
I'm gonna go whip us up
some skinny Negronis,
- and charge my shirt, okay?
- Ciao.
- [John] Ciao.
- [Luciana] Can I have a piggyback ride?
- [John] Yeah.
- I knew it.
God.
John is not interested in fixing things.
He just wants to rub his new girlfriend
and her hard boobies in my face.
Okay. Remember, this is not about John.
This is about you
letting go of your anger.
You can do this. I'm here with you.
Hell yeah, you are.
You know what? John's not the only one
with a little candy in his pocket.
Uh, okay, Molly.
Let's calm down, be adults.
Oh, I'm an adult.
I am a grown woman
who can vote.
I can buy beer.
I can even rent a car, motherfucker.
You wanna fuck around
and find out, huh, John?
Let me tell you something,
you don't worry
your pretty little head about nothing.
Okay.
You just sit back and relax.
Let mama drive.
Oh, shit.
Uh, Howard, what exactly
does this have to do with cybersecurity?
Identity theft can happen anywhere.
And I believe earlier you said you wanted
to be paired up with Ainsley.
- Uh.
- [Destiny] Ooh.
Oh, my gosh. You did?
Well, you actually really remind me
of all my ex-boyfriends, and my dad.
Yeah, that tracks.
- [Ainsley] Mm-hmm.
- Well, Destiny, would you look at that?
- [Destiny] Mmm.
- Looks like you and I are paired up.
Guys, I love work. Work is so fun.
- [Howard, Destiny chuckle]
- Uh. No. We are not doing that.
I am not touching you
under any circumstances.
Oh, my gosh.
You sound exactly like my dad
talking to my mom,
- except he worked out more than you.
- Uh…
Uh, Howard, what-what… what happens next?
- Do our phones get hacked?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
We haven't even ordered yet.
Oh, good evening, Becky.
No, no, no.
We aren't celebrating anything,
but I will start with a bottle
of your finest sparkling.
My treat.
Oh. Ooh. Big spender.
[both chuckle]
- [Luciana] No.
- [John] Mmm.
[Luciana, John chuckling, kissing]
[John laughs]
- [John] Oh, I like where this is going.
- [Luciana] And where's this going?
- [John] I don't know.
- [Luciana] I don't either.
I never do.
- Ow! What the fuck?
- Oh, sorry. I'm sorry.
- I thought that was a mosquito.
- Hey, why don't you tell us
the whole Arthur-Molly saga?
Yay.
[John] How'd you two become one?
- Well, we met at work.
- Yeah.
[Molly] Uh…
Classic office romance.
Delicious.
- Yeah. I, uh…
- Yeah.
- I saw Arthur at his, uh…
- No.
How you say, desk?
[with accent] Desk.
- Yeah. It was crazy.
- Not-Not much of an olive guy.
[Molly] It was like two magnets.
[gags]
- [coughing]
- Are you okay?
- What are you doing? Are you choking?
- [choking]
- Bro?
- Heimlich?
- [speaks indistinctly]
- [coughs, gags]
[John groans]
Mmm. Mmm.
- Molly. [chuckles]
- All right.
God, what a sexy lunch.
- [chuckles]
- Always is with Luchi.
- Lu… Ew! No.
- Oh, yeah. I like it. Do you like it?
[Luciana] I'm so embarrassed
when you call me by my pet name.
Okay. My name for him is "Big Boy."
- Yeah.
- Molly, I think you know why.
- Right?
- Yeah?
That's funny. I'm…
Sometimes I call Molly "Mols."
And I call him "Horse Cock."
- [Howard] Mmm.
- Mmm. This wine is so good.
- All these tannins and shit, and apricot.
- [Howard] Mmm. Mmm.
Mmm, thank you so much
for bringing us here, Howard.
- Anytime.
- [Ainsley] Nicholas and I
actually have an announcement.
No, we don't. We do not have one of those.
You silly Billy.
We talked about this in the car.
It's been three months. We can tell them.
- We're having triplets!
- Oh, my God.
- Ariel, Belle, and Stitch!
- Oh, wow!
I'll be the god mama.
- I'll be the god mama. Mm-hmm.
- Oh, beautiful!
Oh, my God. Look, she's emotional.
- What is going on here?
- Oh, thank God.
Hey, Fi-fi.
Welcome to the cybersecurity meeting.
Can I get you a glass of Sancerre?
What?
Howard, I asked you to send one memo.
And now what?
You're on a date with my sister?
- Uh…
- Are you two vibing?
Girl, no. We're improving.
I have a boyfriend.
Improving? I hate improv.
Have a plan.
Show some respect to your audience!
I hear that.
Did you at least send the memo?
I was going to after we went ice-skating.
- But I'll do it now.
- [Sofia] Mm-hmm.
Hey, uh…
[gasps]
- My water just broke.
- I'm leaving you for your father,
and you're going
straight to boarding school.
[gasps]
Should we eat, and then leave forever?
- [dance music plays]
- Yeah.
Oh, la musica.
[sighs] Dio mio.
I used to dance
to this song in my village.
Dance.
Oh, God. No.
Whoo-hoo! Big Boy. [chuckles]
- That's my cue.
- [Luciana laughs]
Bring your penne to my coo-coo. [laughs]
Ooh.
[chuckles]
Let's go, Horse Cock.
- What?
- Let's go!
[song continues]
[exhales]
Ooh, we should, um, switch partners, no?
- No. I don't need to dance with John.
- Yeah.
- No, no. Not with John. With me, Molly.
- Oh.
- We lesbian, no?
- Um…
Yes. Girls gone crazy.
Mmm. [imitates motorboat]
[imitates motorboat]
- Oh, Big Boy. You dance with horsey now.
- Yeah?
Okay.
Okay. I mean…
Actually, maybe not.
Yeah, no, I was… Yeah, I was thinking no.
Molly, you wanna talk, uh,
a little bit of foundation business?
What?
Yeah.
Uh, I don't know.
John, is that really why I'm here?
Do you even care about that?
- Of course I do. What are you, kidding?
- [sighs]
Just for a second. Come on.
Please, Molly?
- Okay, fine.
- Okay, come on.
I'll be right back.
Ciao. Ooh.
- [growls]
- Oh.
So, when did you first 69?
Okay, John. It's been a long day.
- Just get on with it.
- Yeah, yeah. Okay.
- What do you think of Luciana?
- I knew it.
That's what this is. That's why I'm here.
- What?
- Okay, great.
So let me see. Your new girlfriend,
um, she's hot as hell.
- And I didn't hate dancing with her.
- All right.
- You win. Congratulations.
- But, I mean… All right.
But this is good, right?
I mean, my new look?
- It's all Luciana's idea.
- [scoffs]
Can you tell that
I've had my nostrils dilated?
What? I don't…
Well, I had to walk around
for three months
with these little balloons
shoved up in there.
I mean, I think it was a good idea.
'Cause I do look good, right?
- I look good.
- Are you asking me?
I don't know. Do you think you look good?
Am I happy?
What?
Do you think I'm happy?
John, how… how can I know that?
Because you are the only person
who actually knows me.
Luciana, she's just filling a void.
Which is great, you know?
But she's also kind of scary.
- What do you mean?
- Well, she has a temper.
She spells "Beverley Hills"
the same as Robert Durst.
I mean, one night, I saw her catch a moth
in our hotel room, and she ate it.
John, your moth-eating girlfriend
is not my problem.
And I'm sorry,
but these jeans make you look like you've
just been eliminated from Ink Master.
- I'm leaving.
- W-W-Wait. W-W-Wait.
Just…
- Get me a meatball.
- What?
[John] She only lets me eat grapes.
Please? Meatball me.
I'll pay you ten million dollars.
- Meatball you?
- Please.
[Molly groans]
Okay. Well, don't let her
see you with the meatball.
Hey.
- You okay?
- Uh…
I don't know.
Well, this will make you feel better.
I made you a plate of food.
With extra parm. Just the way you like it.
[sucks teeth] Ah, fuck.
I'll be right back.
[Molly sighs]
Oh, thank you.
Mmm.
- [Molly] Okay.
- [moans]
Wow.
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.
- Listen, John.
- Hmm?
I came back here because I have someone
in my life who makes me want to be kinder.
Is it Dr. Robert Vibes?
Because he's innocent, you know?
You want my advice, Big Boy?
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, here it is.
You need to break up with Luciana.
- I do?
- Yes.
I mean, you're… you're clearly not happy.
But that's not the hard part.
The hard part
is working on yourself.
You need to figure out who you are
and what's important,
other than being rich.
It's… It's tough.
But I'm telling you, it's worth it.
You're right.
God, you're right.
Is that what you've been doing,
by the way?
'Cause you seem so good.
- Do I?
- Yeah.
I'm getting there.
Thanks for coming here, Molly.
I'm gonna start making some changes.
I wish you the best.
But you need to burn those jeans.
And you might want to lose the red light.
It makes you look like you're about
to get killed by John Wick.
Hey, Howard.
Before you go,
I never got to set up my password.
- Can you help me, please?
- Sure.
What do you want it to be?
I don't wanna say it out loud.
I don't wanna get hacked.
It needs a special character.
Oh, it won't let me do emojis.
You're gonna need, like, an exclamation…
Wait, wait, wait…
- [chuckles] Are you serious?
- Mm-hmm.
You wanna go on a date?
I thought you had a boyfriend?
Please, I dumped his ass.
You're way cooler than him.
We're talking comedy, romance, roleplay.
- Now, that's how you impress the lady.
- I knew being kind and funny would work.
That's how Ellen got Portia.
Ooh, I didn't know that.
Now, what are you doing tonight?
Oh, just my regular.
Just eating a little Thai food,
playing some video games,
and mastur… a new skill.
Ah, I love learning new things.
Let's go get some shots,
and take a ceramics class.
- Ooh. Okay, girl.
- Mm-hmm.
We could share the wheel
like the movie Ghost.
Yes, definitely. But I'm gonna be Swayze.
Oh, that's fine. I'll be Demi.
I'm a beautiful crier.
- Okay, Howard. You in danger, boy.
- [Howard laughs]
Tell me another joke.
Oh, I got to look some up on the Internet.
[both laugh]
[Luciana] Ah. There you are.
Uh, who wants Italian dessert?
I have a big tin of
these shitty dry cookies.
Uh, thank you. But it's getting late.
We should get going.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, how-how dry are they?
Maybe we can take a few to go, or…
Actually, I have something
I need to say to Luciana.
No, no. John, you don't need
to do this while we're here.
I have to say it now,
or I'll lose my nerve.
[Luciana] Big Boy?
Use your word. You make me scared.
- Luchi.
- Yeah?
I've been thinking a lot about the future,
- and the kind of life I want to have.
- Mmm.
I know this must be feeling
like it's coming out of nowhere.
Yeah.
[John] Look…
- Baby, will you marry me?
- [Luciana gasps]
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Sì, sì. Um, how you say, um, yes.
- Yeah. That's how you say it.
- [Luciana giggles]
- I wanna feel and look like this forever.
- [chuckles]
- I love my jeans.
- [laughs]
I do too.
Oh, my God.
[both exhale]
Together for to the end.
You will die inside of me.
[both moan]
[gasps, chuckles]
- Oh, my God.
- That was bananas.
- Bananas. [laughs]
- From top to bottom.
[scoffs] I should not have told you
to come here. I am so sorry.
No, you know what? I'm glad you did.
I re… Really, I feel better.
- You do?
- Yes.
Because I feel shaken to my core.
No. You were right
about my anger towards him.
Because after all of that,
I just… I feel so sorry for him.
- Yeah?
- Because he's so lost.
[Arthur] Yeah. Yeah.
And I'm not.
I have someone that looks out for me.
I love you.
I love you.
[chuckles]
I'm sorry. This was a really weird place
- to say it for the first time.
- No, I don't mind at all.
- [knocks]
- [gasps]
- Scusi. [laughs] Scusi.
- Oh.
- You forgot the cookie.
- Oh. Thank you.
[Molly gasps]
[cookie tin rattles]
[in American accent]
I know what you did, bitch.
Oh, my God. What happened to your accent?
No, shit. I'm not from "It'ly."
It'ly?
- What's It'ly?
- It'ly.
Like Rome. I'm from Delaware.
- [Molly gasps]
- Slower lower.
You think a fucking billionaire
is gonna bang a gal who talks like this?
- Is your name even Luciana?
- [Luciana] You wish.
It's Ashlee Kate.
And I know you told John
to break up with me.
I busted my crack to get out of Dover,
and I'll be damned
if I'm gonna let you "roon" it.
Roon?
Roon.
- I-I think she meant ruin.
- Oh.
Hunter Biden is a close
personal friend of mine.
And we will fuck you up.
I've seen his laptop.
There's some fucking crazy shit on there.
All right. Driver, let's go.
- I'm scared here.
- Yeah.
[Luciana] You stay out of my way,
or I will make it my life's mission
to blow up youse guyses world.
Molly Wells,
you've made an enemy for life.
Go, go, go, go, go, go.
[in Italian accent] Ciao. Buona Sera.