Young Sheldon (2017) s04e10 Episode Script
Cowboy Aerobics and 473 Grease-Free Bolts
[adult Sheldon]
Behind every great scientist,
there were often unsung helpers
toiling away in the background.
Presenting
great lab assistants
in scientific history.
When Alexander Graham Bell
needed an assistant,
it was Thomas Augustus Watson
who answered the call.
Get it? "The call."
[adult Sheldon laughs]
Madame Curie's daughter, Irene,
was also her lab assistant.
Irene was so dedicated,
she died of radiation poisoning.
Unlike her sister, Eve,
who selfishly lived to 102.
Lastly, Emile Roux was assistant
to Louis Pasteur.
When they worked on the rabies vaccine,
Roux kept a loaded gun in the lab
to shoot Pasteur in the head
if he got infected.
He never had to, but it's fun to know
he would have.
No, Sheldon,
you can't be my lab assistant.
Maybe you weren't paying attention.
I'll start over.
Behind every great scientist,
there was a dedicated
[theme song playing]
Son, lab assistants
are usually upperclassmen.
I believe I've been at this university
long enough to be considered.
You've been here two weeks.
Hey, 16 days if you count orientation.
Sheldon, there's a wait-list of students
who have applied for that position.
I just can't give you special treatment.
Not with that attitude.
Tell you what, I'll think about it.
- Should I come back or should I wait?
- Come back.
I'll wait.
I thought about it. No.
[The People's Court theme playing on TV]
Judgment for plaintiff for $169.50.
You think Judge Wapner and Rusty
the bailiff are friends in real life?
Yeah. You can't fake
that kind of chemistry.
I'm flying! There you are!
Where have you been?
What is this?
That's the exercise guy Meemaw likes.
Sweatin' to the Oldies 2.
I can't believe anyone pays money
to watch old people sweat.
[Missy] Forty bucks?
They sold over a million of those
at 40 bucks a pop?
Do you know how much money that must be?
I'm not a calculator.
Forty times one million.
That's 40 million.
Whoa.
And then he said he wouldn't
give me special treatment.
I think what he's saying
is everybody should be treated equally.
I'm sorry. Is this Russia?
Should we get in line for bread?
It's his lab, Sheldon.
He can do what he wants.
I've got it. Dr. Linkletter likes you.
You go on a date with him,
and when he tries to kiss you,
say you'll do it,
but only if he gives me the job.
I'm going to ask you to think hard
about what you just said.
What? I want something,
he wants something.
Seems like a win-win.
Not for me.
You get a free dinner.
Make him take you someplace nice.
- Ooh! Maybe Sizzler.
- Sheldon.
What are you doing?
Gonna make an exercise video.
Why?
If Richard Simmons
could make 40 million bucks,
think how much I can make with my face.
What's your face got to do with it?
What do you mean?
I'm gorgeous. Ask anybody.
[adult Sheldon] Since my Meemaw
was being stingy with her love,
I had to find another way
to change Dr. Linkletter's mind.
I decided to treat this
like a science experiment.
Test various methods of persuasion to
determine which was the most effective.
Dr. Linkletter, I was talking
to the other physics professors,
and they think you having an
11-year-old lab assistant would be neat.
No.
Don't you want your peers
to think you're cool?
- No.
- I would.
[Dr. Linkletter] No.
- [knocking on door]
- Dr. Linkletter.
What?
If you look in your drawer,
you'll find a little something.
I hope you like peanut butter cookies.
This isn't gonna change my mind.
- You sure?
- Yes.
Then give them back.
They're my favorite.
- Say, "Yes."
- No.
- Yes.
- No.
- Yes.
- No.
Hlja'.
- What?
- That's "yes" in Klingon.
How do you say no in Klingon?
- Qo'.
- Qo'.
Aw.
I overheard some of your other
candidates talking about marijuana.
- I don't care.
- Well, you should.
I think they plan on smoking it.
Mmm.
- [Sheldon] You know what?
- What?
I was just admiring your posture.
You're not all hunched over
like most people your age.
So most people think
you need expensive machines to work out,
but I just use free weights.
To be clear, they ain't free.
You gotta buy them.
Are you watching yourself work out?
I made an exercise video.
- Why?
- To sell.
[Georgie on TV]
that's very important.
Next, we're gonna do curls.
'Cause like I always say,
"Curls get the girls."
- Oh, Lord.
- What?
People like it when things rhyme.
[Georgie grunts on TV]
[phone ringing]
Hello?
Can I be your lab assistant?
What time is it?
That's not a no.
If I say "yes,"
will you please stop hounding me?
- Absolutely.
- Fine. You win. Good night.
[Sheldon on phone]
Just out of scientific curiosity,
were you persuaded
by the disorienting nature
of this late-night phone call
or by the cumulative weight
of my relentlessness?
That one.
[adult Sheldon] I learned
an important lesson that night.
When you want something,
"relentlessly annoying"
is your road to victory.
[Sheldon] How may I assist you today?
Follow me.
Should I look over your notes?
Would you like me to double-check
your math?
See these bolts? Scrub the grease off.
But there's hundreds of them.
Yes. That's where you come in.
Surely there's a better use
of my intellect.
Son, we're building
a solar neutrino detector.
If you don't want the job,
there's the door.
- No, I want it.
- Good man.
[sighs] Although that door
does look tempting.
So I could really use your help
making it look more professional.
[Georgie on TV] That's burn,
right there. [grunts]
Like, adding a little, you know
I think the word you're looking for
is "pizazz."
Exactly. So you'll do it?
Well, I'm flattered that you would ask,
but exercise videos
it's not really what I do.
But I've seen you on TV.
I'm soft and firm
in all the right places!
You've been in plays.
It's all right, Molly. Annie's here.
Don't forget my modeling work.
But I have a reputation.
When people hear the name Gene Lundy,
they expect quality,
they expect showmanship.
[chuckling] They expect me to get paid.
Oh, I'm gonna pay you.
Let's make an exercise video.
[adult Sheldon] While not the lab work
I hoped to be doing,
it did feel good
to be part of an actual experiment.
A tedious, menial part
that could be performed by a monkey
or, worse, an engineer.
Here you go. 473 grease-free bolts.
[chuckles]
- Excellent.
- Now what?
How about I help you design
an even better solar neutrino detector?
Actually, what I need you to do
is take this grease
and put it on these bolts.
But I just took
the grease off the bolts.
That was the wrong grease.
This is the right grease.
Have at it.
If this is some kind of test to get me
to quit, it's not going to work.
I don't know what you're expecting,
but this is a menial job.
After this, I need you
to sort a crate of resistors,
strip a case of wire and then sweep up.
Oh. Then I quit.
Now, I like the idea
of an exercise video.
I'm just not sure
that weight lifting is the way to go.
Why not?
It's low energy.
We don't want a one-man show.
We want Starlight Express.
- I don't know what that is.
- You'd love it.
Andrew Lloyd Webber,
people on roller skates.
That's a thought.
Skatercise. Do you skate?
- No.
- Too bad.
You sure I can't just lift weights?
Aerobics is the way to go.
It's got music, it's got energy.
It's got what?
- Pizazz?
- Bingo.
Now, hear me out.
We surround you
with a bunch of dancing girls.
No, even better.
The Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders.
If that's what pizazz means, I like it.
[chuckles]
Of course, to do this right,
we are gonna need some financing.
What does your father do for a living?
He's a coach here at the school.
Oof.
I know somebody who's got money.
[doorbell rings]
What do you two want?
What we want is to make you rich.
Oh, God.
What do you mean, you quit?
It was beneath me.
You need to learn there's nothing wrong
with a little hard work.
Hard work is calculating
neutrino properties to 1% accuracy.
Anyone can wash bolts.
You begged him for that job.
I assumed he'd realize the value
of my intellect and put it to good use.
Hang on. You made a commitment.
When you say you're
going to do something, you do it.
Well, he could find someone else.
Doesn't matter. This is about you
being a man of your word.
[adult Sheldon] I wanted to point out
that I couldn't be a man of my word
since I hadn't hit puberty.
But he seemed pretty grouchy.
You know how you love
those Richard Simmons tapes?
Yeah.
Well, what if I told you
we have the next big thing
in home fitness videos?
Mmm.
And what kind of thing would that be?
Cowboy aerobics.
Yeehaw.
It's like, um, Sweatin' to the Oldies
with a little bit of Southern swagger.
[imitates gunshots]
Cool, huh?
So are you all just trying
to sell me an aerobics tape?
No, no, not at all.
We want you to give us money
to make them.
Invest. He means "invest."
And who would be starring in this video?
Me.
[chuckles] That's ridiculous.
[laughing]
And Richard Simmons ain't ridiculous?
Now, the young man does have a point.
Yeah, maybe on his head.
Look, you're not getting my money.
[scoffs] Well, you are passing
on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
And how much lifetime do you have left?
That's not helping.
No.
All right, fair enough.
Thank you for hearing us out.
If you have a change of heart,
you let us know.
Screw that.
My whole life,
I've seen you bet on football games,
throw away all kinds of money
at the track.
If you want to gamble on something,
why can't it be on your own grandson?
How much money you need?
Well, now, um, how much money
did you bet on football last year?
Well, you're not getting that much.
[phone ringing]
Hello?
[on phone, sighing] Dr. Linkletter?
Sheldon Cooper.
I'm calling to apologize.
I shouldn't have quit.
I made a commitment,
and I need to see it through.
I appreciate that, but there's no need.
There is. It's important to me,
as well as my father.
- Fine.
- Excellent.
Don't worry. I won't overstep my bounds.
I give you my word as a Texan.
- Great.
- And a man.
- Very good.
- Well, a future man.
At present, my hormones and body hair
aren't exactly what you'd call
Good night.
- [dial tone]
- Hmm.
[exhales sharply]
[adult Sheldon] The next day,
I returned to my role as lab assistant
with renewed vigor.
Bolts were greased, wires were stripped,
floors were swept. All with a smile.
It was a forced smile,
but you'd never know.
I must say, Sheldon, I'm impressed.
I gave you my word
and I'm standing by it.
Ah. I know it's not glamorous,
but all scientists pay their dues.
And I'm happy to do it.
- Good man.
- I understand my role here.
In fact, I noticed a flaw
in your reaction rates
but I kept it to myself
because I know my place.
- You really think there's a flaw?
- Oh, yes.
What is it?
I appreciate you testing me,
but I'm not going to crack.
I'm not testing you.
Nice try.
So when are we gonna shoot this thing?
Slow down, now.
We've got to plan out, you know?
Costumes, choreography, music.
Let's start with the set.
Now, I was thinking an Oklahoma! theme.
Hay bales, saloon door,
maybe a surrey with a fringe on top.
A what with a what?
Oh, you know
[singing]
Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry
When I take you out in my surrey
When I take you out in my surrey
With the fringe
Okay, forget Oklahoma!
Done.
[adult Sheldon] In an effort to find out
the mistake in his experimental design,
Dr. Linkletter performed
his own experiment on me.
You know, Sheldon, I don't even care
if you tell me the error.
In fact, I'd rather
you keep it to yourself.
All right.
Yeah.
I got you a little something
for all your hard work.
It's about a little boy
who doesn't let being dead
stop him from having fun.
Thanks.
[laughs]
Now that I've given you something,
perhaps you want to reciprocate.
Sure. You can have this.
I don't want it.
[phone ringing]
Hello?
[Dr. Linkletter on phone]
Uh, may I speak with Sheldon?
It's the middle of the night.
Who the hell is it
Uh, wrong number.
[dial tone]
- All right. Let's try it again.
- [country song playing on stereo]
- [music stops]
- [sighs] I'm sorry.
Are we galloping
or are we doing double Dutch?
You've got to get your hips into it.
All right? Yeah,
you get your rope, you get your hip.
We can gallop up. We can gallop back.
We're lassoing and galloping
- around the corral.
- [knocking on door]
Excuse me. We need to talk.
[scoffs] Can it wait? I'm trying
to turn your grandson here
into the Richard Simmons
of the Wild West.
No, it can't. I took a look
at this contract you sent over.
Oh, well, that's just boilerplate
legalese. I wouldn't even read that.
Too late. I couldn't help but notice
you're taking 80% of the profits.
- 80%?
- [stammers]
In case no one has noticed,
I'm doing most of the work here.
But it was all my idea.
Your idea was lifting weights
in some dingy garage.
Cowboy aerobics was hatched
in this egg right here.
- But it's my face.
- And my money.
And my apologies.
But 20% is all you're getting.
Unbelievable.
Excuse me.
I've done all the choreography,
I designed the sets,
I made the costumes by hand.
You think you can find
sequined chaps in a mall?
No, you cannot.
And they give you quite the look
when you ask.
Come on. Let's get out of here.
Oh. Fine. Go ahead.
And we're gonna make
our own exercise video without you.
- No, we're not.
- No, we're not.
And they call me dramatic.
[adult Sheldon] The next day,
Dr. Linkletter ran his experiment.
I'm proud to say
- I never broke my word
- [fire crackling]
and he eventually
figured out the problem.
Fire! Fire!
Fire!
Was it too much oxygen in the reagent?
See? You didn't need my help after all.
[adult Sheldon]
Mr. Lundy was undeterred.
He sought out new investors and new
talent to bring cowboy aerobics to life.
You've got the look, [chuckling]
you've got the physique.
If we could secure
a star of your caliber,
it would really put us on the map.
I do look good in a cowboy hat.
You look good in everything. [chuckles]
Come on, Mr. Hasselhoff.
Call me "The Hoff."
Okay, The Hoff.
[chuckles nervously] So what do you say?
Well, I've conquered television
music.
I don't see why I couldn't add
exercise videos to my empire.
So you'll do it?
You got The Hoff.
Hot damn. I got The Hoff!
[laughing heartily]
By any chance, do you know
what size chaps you wear?
Oh. I got my own.
Of course you do.
- [laughing]
- [whip cracks]
All right, buckaroos.
It's time for cowboy aerobics with
- David Hasselhoff!
- David Hasselhoff!
Who's ready to rustle up some muscles?
- [laughing heartily]
- [cowgirls cheer]
Let's saddle up and ride.
[adult Sheldon] Thanks to The Hoff,
the video was a smashing success.
Who wants a beach body
like the ones on Baywatch?
Which I'm also in.
Check your local listings.
[adult Sheldon] Unfortunately,
Mr. Lundy put all his profits
into a musical about his life
entitled, "Live, Laugh, Lundy."
He is poor to this day.
[theme music playing]
Behind every great scientist,
there were often unsung helpers
toiling away in the background.
Presenting
great lab assistants
in scientific history.
When Alexander Graham Bell
needed an assistant,
it was Thomas Augustus Watson
who answered the call.
Get it? "The call."
[adult Sheldon laughs]
Madame Curie's daughter, Irene,
was also her lab assistant.
Irene was so dedicated,
she died of radiation poisoning.
Unlike her sister, Eve,
who selfishly lived to 102.
Lastly, Emile Roux was assistant
to Louis Pasteur.
When they worked on the rabies vaccine,
Roux kept a loaded gun in the lab
to shoot Pasteur in the head
if he got infected.
He never had to, but it's fun to know
he would have.
No, Sheldon,
you can't be my lab assistant.
Maybe you weren't paying attention.
I'll start over.
Behind every great scientist,
there was a dedicated
[theme song playing]
Son, lab assistants
are usually upperclassmen.
I believe I've been at this university
long enough to be considered.
You've been here two weeks.
Hey, 16 days if you count orientation.
Sheldon, there's a wait-list of students
who have applied for that position.
I just can't give you special treatment.
Not with that attitude.
Tell you what, I'll think about it.
- Should I come back or should I wait?
- Come back.
I'll wait.
I thought about it. No.
[The People's Court theme playing on TV]
Judgment for plaintiff for $169.50.
You think Judge Wapner and Rusty
the bailiff are friends in real life?
Yeah. You can't fake
that kind of chemistry.
I'm flying! There you are!
Where have you been?
What is this?
That's the exercise guy Meemaw likes.
Sweatin' to the Oldies 2.
I can't believe anyone pays money
to watch old people sweat.
[Missy] Forty bucks?
They sold over a million of those
at 40 bucks a pop?
Do you know how much money that must be?
I'm not a calculator.
Forty times one million.
That's 40 million.
Whoa.
And then he said he wouldn't
give me special treatment.
I think what he's saying
is everybody should be treated equally.
I'm sorry. Is this Russia?
Should we get in line for bread?
It's his lab, Sheldon.
He can do what he wants.
I've got it. Dr. Linkletter likes you.
You go on a date with him,
and when he tries to kiss you,
say you'll do it,
but only if he gives me the job.
I'm going to ask you to think hard
about what you just said.
What? I want something,
he wants something.
Seems like a win-win.
Not for me.
You get a free dinner.
Make him take you someplace nice.
- Ooh! Maybe Sizzler.
- Sheldon.
What are you doing?
Gonna make an exercise video.
Why?
If Richard Simmons
could make 40 million bucks,
think how much I can make with my face.
What's your face got to do with it?
What do you mean?
I'm gorgeous. Ask anybody.
[adult Sheldon] Since my Meemaw
was being stingy with her love,
I had to find another way
to change Dr. Linkletter's mind.
I decided to treat this
like a science experiment.
Test various methods of persuasion to
determine which was the most effective.
Dr. Linkletter, I was talking
to the other physics professors,
and they think you having an
11-year-old lab assistant would be neat.
No.
Don't you want your peers
to think you're cool?
- No.
- I would.
[Dr. Linkletter] No.
- [knocking on door]
- Dr. Linkletter.
What?
If you look in your drawer,
you'll find a little something.
I hope you like peanut butter cookies.
This isn't gonna change my mind.
- You sure?
- Yes.
Then give them back.
They're my favorite.
- Say, "Yes."
- No.
- Yes.
- No.
- Yes.
- No.
Hlja'.
- What?
- That's "yes" in Klingon.
How do you say no in Klingon?
- Qo'.
- Qo'.
Aw.
I overheard some of your other
candidates talking about marijuana.
- I don't care.
- Well, you should.
I think they plan on smoking it.
Mmm.
- [Sheldon] You know what?
- What?
I was just admiring your posture.
You're not all hunched over
like most people your age.
So most people think
you need expensive machines to work out,
but I just use free weights.
To be clear, they ain't free.
You gotta buy them.
Are you watching yourself work out?
I made an exercise video.
- Why?
- To sell.
[Georgie on TV]
that's very important.
Next, we're gonna do curls.
'Cause like I always say,
"Curls get the girls."
- Oh, Lord.
- What?
People like it when things rhyme.
[Georgie grunts on TV]
[phone ringing]
Hello?
Can I be your lab assistant?
What time is it?
That's not a no.
If I say "yes,"
will you please stop hounding me?
- Absolutely.
- Fine. You win. Good night.
[Sheldon on phone]
Just out of scientific curiosity,
were you persuaded
by the disorienting nature
of this late-night phone call
or by the cumulative weight
of my relentlessness?
That one.
[adult Sheldon] I learned
an important lesson that night.
When you want something,
"relentlessly annoying"
is your road to victory.
[Sheldon] How may I assist you today?
Follow me.
Should I look over your notes?
Would you like me to double-check
your math?
See these bolts? Scrub the grease off.
But there's hundreds of them.
Yes. That's where you come in.
Surely there's a better use
of my intellect.
Son, we're building
a solar neutrino detector.
If you don't want the job,
there's the door.
- No, I want it.
- Good man.
[sighs] Although that door
does look tempting.
So I could really use your help
making it look more professional.
[Georgie on TV] That's burn,
right there. [grunts]
Like, adding a little, you know
I think the word you're looking for
is "pizazz."
Exactly. So you'll do it?
Well, I'm flattered that you would ask,
but exercise videos
it's not really what I do.
But I've seen you on TV.
I'm soft and firm
in all the right places!
You've been in plays.
It's all right, Molly. Annie's here.
Don't forget my modeling work.
But I have a reputation.
When people hear the name Gene Lundy,
they expect quality,
they expect showmanship.
[chuckling] They expect me to get paid.
Oh, I'm gonna pay you.
Let's make an exercise video.
[adult Sheldon] While not the lab work
I hoped to be doing,
it did feel good
to be part of an actual experiment.
A tedious, menial part
that could be performed by a monkey
or, worse, an engineer.
Here you go. 473 grease-free bolts.
[chuckles]
- Excellent.
- Now what?
How about I help you design
an even better solar neutrino detector?
Actually, what I need you to do
is take this grease
and put it on these bolts.
But I just took
the grease off the bolts.
That was the wrong grease.
This is the right grease.
Have at it.
If this is some kind of test to get me
to quit, it's not going to work.
I don't know what you're expecting,
but this is a menial job.
After this, I need you
to sort a crate of resistors,
strip a case of wire and then sweep up.
Oh. Then I quit.
Now, I like the idea
of an exercise video.
I'm just not sure
that weight lifting is the way to go.
Why not?
It's low energy.
We don't want a one-man show.
We want Starlight Express.
- I don't know what that is.
- You'd love it.
Andrew Lloyd Webber,
people on roller skates.
That's a thought.
Skatercise. Do you skate?
- No.
- Too bad.
You sure I can't just lift weights?
Aerobics is the way to go.
It's got music, it's got energy.
It's got what?
- Pizazz?
- Bingo.
Now, hear me out.
We surround you
with a bunch of dancing girls.
No, even better.
The Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders.
If that's what pizazz means, I like it.
[chuckles]
Of course, to do this right,
we are gonna need some financing.
What does your father do for a living?
He's a coach here at the school.
Oof.
I know somebody who's got money.
[doorbell rings]
What do you two want?
What we want is to make you rich.
Oh, God.
What do you mean, you quit?
It was beneath me.
You need to learn there's nothing wrong
with a little hard work.
Hard work is calculating
neutrino properties to 1% accuracy.
Anyone can wash bolts.
You begged him for that job.
I assumed he'd realize the value
of my intellect and put it to good use.
Hang on. You made a commitment.
When you say you're
going to do something, you do it.
Well, he could find someone else.
Doesn't matter. This is about you
being a man of your word.
[adult Sheldon] I wanted to point out
that I couldn't be a man of my word
since I hadn't hit puberty.
But he seemed pretty grouchy.
You know how you love
those Richard Simmons tapes?
Yeah.
Well, what if I told you
we have the next big thing
in home fitness videos?
Mmm.
And what kind of thing would that be?
Cowboy aerobics.
Yeehaw.
It's like, um, Sweatin' to the Oldies
with a little bit of Southern swagger.
[imitates gunshots]
Cool, huh?
So are you all just trying
to sell me an aerobics tape?
No, no, not at all.
We want you to give us money
to make them.
Invest. He means "invest."
And who would be starring in this video?
Me.
[chuckles] That's ridiculous.
[laughing]
And Richard Simmons ain't ridiculous?
Now, the young man does have a point.
Yeah, maybe on his head.
Look, you're not getting my money.
[scoffs] Well, you are passing
on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
And how much lifetime do you have left?
That's not helping.
No.
All right, fair enough.
Thank you for hearing us out.
If you have a change of heart,
you let us know.
Screw that.
My whole life,
I've seen you bet on football games,
throw away all kinds of money
at the track.
If you want to gamble on something,
why can't it be on your own grandson?
How much money you need?
Well, now, um, how much money
did you bet on football last year?
Well, you're not getting that much.
[phone ringing]
Hello?
[on phone, sighing] Dr. Linkletter?
Sheldon Cooper.
I'm calling to apologize.
I shouldn't have quit.
I made a commitment,
and I need to see it through.
I appreciate that, but there's no need.
There is. It's important to me,
as well as my father.
- Fine.
- Excellent.
Don't worry. I won't overstep my bounds.
I give you my word as a Texan.
- Great.
- And a man.
- Very good.
- Well, a future man.
At present, my hormones and body hair
aren't exactly what you'd call
Good night.
- [dial tone]
- Hmm.
[exhales sharply]
[adult Sheldon] The next day,
I returned to my role as lab assistant
with renewed vigor.
Bolts were greased, wires were stripped,
floors were swept. All with a smile.
It was a forced smile,
but you'd never know.
I must say, Sheldon, I'm impressed.
I gave you my word
and I'm standing by it.
Ah. I know it's not glamorous,
but all scientists pay their dues.
And I'm happy to do it.
- Good man.
- I understand my role here.
In fact, I noticed a flaw
in your reaction rates
but I kept it to myself
because I know my place.
- You really think there's a flaw?
- Oh, yes.
What is it?
I appreciate you testing me,
but I'm not going to crack.
I'm not testing you.
Nice try.
So when are we gonna shoot this thing?
Slow down, now.
We've got to plan out, you know?
Costumes, choreography, music.
Let's start with the set.
Now, I was thinking an Oklahoma! theme.
Hay bales, saloon door,
maybe a surrey with a fringe on top.
A what with a what?
Oh, you know
[singing]
Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry
When I take you out in my surrey
When I take you out in my surrey
With the fringe
Okay, forget Oklahoma!
Done.
[adult Sheldon] In an effort to find out
the mistake in his experimental design,
Dr. Linkletter performed
his own experiment on me.
You know, Sheldon, I don't even care
if you tell me the error.
In fact, I'd rather
you keep it to yourself.
All right.
Yeah.
I got you a little something
for all your hard work.
It's about a little boy
who doesn't let being dead
stop him from having fun.
Thanks.
[laughs]
Now that I've given you something,
perhaps you want to reciprocate.
Sure. You can have this.
I don't want it.
[phone ringing]
Hello?
[Dr. Linkletter on phone]
Uh, may I speak with Sheldon?
It's the middle of the night.
Who the hell is it
Uh, wrong number.
[dial tone]
- All right. Let's try it again.
- [country song playing on stereo]
- [music stops]
- [sighs] I'm sorry.
Are we galloping
or are we doing double Dutch?
You've got to get your hips into it.
All right? Yeah,
you get your rope, you get your hip.
We can gallop up. We can gallop back.
We're lassoing and galloping
- around the corral.
- [knocking on door]
Excuse me. We need to talk.
[scoffs] Can it wait? I'm trying
to turn your grandson here
into the Richard Simmons
of the Wild West.
No, it can't. I took a look
at this contract you sent over.
Oh, well, that's just boilerplate
legalese. I wouldn't even read that.
Too late. I couldn't help but notice
you're taking 80% of the profits.
- 80%?
- [stammers]
In case no one has noticed,
I'm doing most of the work here.
But it was all my idea.
Your idea was lifting weights
in some dingy garage.
Cowboy aerobics was hatched
in this egg right here.
- But it's my face.
- And my money.
And my apologies.
But 20% is all you're getting.
Unbelievable.
Excuse me.
I've done all the choreography,
I designed the sets,
I made the costumes by hand.
You think you can find
sequined chaps in a mall?
No, you cannot.
And they give you quite the look
when you ask.
Come on. Let's get out of here.
Oh. Fine. Go ahead.
And we're gonna make
our own exercise video without you.
- No, we're not.
- No, we're not.
And they call me dramatic.
[adult Sheldon] The next day,
Dr. Linkletter ran his experiment.
I'm proud to say
- I never broke my word
- [fire crackling]
and he eventually
figured out the problem.
Fire! Fire!
Fire!
Was it too much oxygen in the reagent?
See? You didn't need my help after all.
[adult Sheldon]
Mr. Lundy was undeterred.
He sought out new investors and new
talent to bring cowboy aerobics to life.
You've got the look, [chuckling]
you've got the physique.
If we could secure
a star of your caliber,
it would really put us on the map.
I do look good in a cowboy hat.
You look good in everything. [chuckles]
Come on, Mr. Hasselhoff.
Call me "The Hoff."
Okay, The Hoff.
[chuckles nervously] So what do you say?
Well, I've conquered television
music.
I don't see why I couldn't add
exercise videos to my empire.
So you'll do it?
You got The Hoff.
Hot damn. I got The Hoff!
[laughing heartily]
By any chance, do you know
what size chaps you wear?
Oh. I got my own.
Of course you do.
- [laughing]
- [whip cracks]
All right, buckaroos.
It's time for cowboy aerobics with
- David Hasselhoff!
- David Hasselhoff!
Who's ready to rustle up some muscles?
- [laughing heartily]
- [cowgirls cheer]
Let's saddle up and ride.
[adult Sheldon] Thanks to The Hoff,
the video was a smashing success.
Who wants a beach body
like the ones on Baywatch?
Which I'm also in.
Check your local listings.
[adult Sheldon] Unfortunately,
Mr. Lundy put all his profits
into a musical about his life
entitled, "Live, Laugh, Lundy."
He is poor to this day.
[theme music playing]