Better Things (2016) s05e06 Episode Script

- Hi, Ron.
- Sam!
I heard you were coming up to
San Fran for the table read.
I didn't think I'd be able
to get out, but I'll be there.
Super happy to get
you on this production.
- See you soon, Ron.
- Fly safe.
Are you serious right now?
Like the shit is actually
gonna clean itself?
Hello?
Duke?
Anyone? Can someone help
me with the groceries?
Anyone?!
Can you read it out loud?
- What do you think?
- I like this line.
Uh, it's a metaphor.
"I see the world looking at my mirror."
Like, you're saying everything you do
is through the phone.
Is there another word
besides "mirror" you can use?
But it-it looks like a mirror.
There was a whole show.
I-I don't know what to tell you.
Uh, it's-it's moofy in here.
- Madam.
- Thank you.
We're now making our
descent into San Francisco,
where the current temperature
is a cool 55 degrees.
On behalf of our L.A.-based crew,
we'd like to thank you all
for flying with us today.
Ooh. Vermont.
I'm in Vermont.
See? It's snowing.
Oh.
Cool. Hi.
Sam. Jonah. I'm your first AD.
- Oh, hello. Yes.
- Yeah, okay.
Uh, so, the DP is waiting
'cause we're running a bit behind.
- Uh
- Have we worked
Yeah. Monsters in the Moonlight.
Toilets, safety meeting.
Yeah, sorry about that.
- Oh
- Yeah.
You can have my toilet. Mm-hmm.
Good to see you again.
I guess that makes you my boss now, huh?
All right.
Let's go, boss lady.
Let's get the day started.
Boss lady?
Fuck you.
Hey, um, did you guys not
see the pile of dog shit
at the bottom of the stairs?
Are you, like, saving it for something?
For science, or
That's the Exxon Valdez of dog shit.
Eh?
I'll clean it up later.
Yeah, you're welcome.
No.
No.
Fuck you.
Come on, baby.
Go poo outside.
That's a cut.
Um, can you play that again, please?
- Can you get them to
- Willow,
can you play that back, please?
Yes! Welcome to my playground.
Hey!
I'm so glad you decided to do this.
Ugh. I can't I'm so happy to be here.
Hey, everybody, how about this one, huh?
- Stop it.
- Yeah, and look at this one.
- Look at this one. Right?
- I know, I love her!
- I'm keeping her.
- Look, go back to work.
- Okay. Thank you.
- You're brilliant. I love you.
- Talk to you later.
- Thank you. Thanks, Ron.
So, you're good with
it? It was pretty
- Eh.
- Yeah. Uh, you know.
- Okay.
- Looks like the rest of the series.
- Yeah, okay. All right.
- Guys,
the house is a mess.
We need to clean up.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Pepper, that's not Duke's
room anymore. That's my room.
I know.
And Duke?
Uh, in your old room.
We're taking space.
She's being in a way.
Is this a shitty trip?
It's-it's a shitty trip.
It's no good, is it?
It's fine.
Screw that. She's been in a weird place.
Like, I know it. Everyone knows.
Let's get out of the house.
Would you like that?
Does Duke have to come?
Duke, Duke, Duke.
This is this lady's last day in L.A.
So we're gonna air you bitches out.
Drop your cocks and grab your socks.
Let's go, gentlemen.
No, Pepper, don't go in my room.
Sam, oh, my God,
it is so good to see you.
Remember when we last worked together?
We played the sex workers
in Women of Importance.
I swear, if I saw your boobs any more,
I'd pay for your boob lift myself, okay?
Copy that. Ana, uh,
they need you in wardrobe.
You keep on eating, okay? Mwah. See you.
What? It's just an egg.
And cut.
- Cutting!
- Jesus.
Whew.
Cool. You have any
notes, or any thoughts?
- Uh
- It's a network show.
Yeah, I felt pretty
good about that scene.
Is there one kid that,
like, drives you crazy?
Oh, yeah. Dan. He's so annoying.
Yes. Yes!
Dan is annoying.
That's exactly what
I'm-I'm trying to get to.
Like, you know, do you feel that?
He's-he's just plain annoying.
Yeah. Yeah.
Um, so
Oh. Wave at your mom.
Hi, Mom.
Okay.
You want one?
Boss lady, this way.
Oh, thank you.
Kevin, have you seen your mother?
She's at the farm stand.
I got a bottle!
Uh, is he gonna do it like that?
- Hold, please.
- Cut! Everybody reset to one.
- Uh, yeah, no Yeah.
- Yep, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
You know what? When we do it again,
the next time you say you got a bottle,
you're just telling him some info.
Okay? So, you want to practice it now?
Yeah, sure. I got a bottle!
Uh
You know, I like it
when the light, like,
I love that the dapple. The dapple.
I love that. Oh
So that could be like
the sun How's the chicken?
Mmm. It's good.
Yep.
- Let's take a deep breath. In.
- Okay.
And blow it out.
Just say it normal.
Okay.
I got a bottle!
Ha! That's funny.
Everything okay? Question mark.
How are the girls? Question mark.
Don't forget to lock the doors at night.
Exclamation point. Exclamation point.
You good?
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
No. don't.
I'm such a dummy.
I forgot, I have an
appointment at the bank.
All right, take three is
up, everyone, take three.
Take three! We're running behind.
Okay, let's try this.
The next time you say you got a bottle,
just throw it away, like you don't care.
I got a bottle!
Oh! No! No. Jesus.
No. Ar Is everybody okay?
Yeah. Okay. Hmm.
Bah, bah, bah. Okay.
How about this?
Um, you got a bottle.
And it's a secret, right?
-
- Okay, so, try that.
I got a bottle!
Okay, no.
How about this? Um
-
- You found this glass bottle,
and it's dangerous,
and who knows what
you're gonna do with it.
Are you gonna break
it? Did you steal it?
Maybe both.
You're dangerous. You're danger.
I got a bottle.
That'll work.
- Good job, Boston.
- Thanks.
Yeah.
Hi, this is Max. If you need
to get ahold of me, just text.
Just checking on you. Period.
Felling guilty that I'm away. Period.
Is everything okay
by you? Question mark.
We're ready for you.
I said if you're smoking,
you got to be 20 feet away.
Oh. Yes.
- Mm-hmm.
- 20, 20 feet.
It's out.
All right.
Can I
I know this is your first time
working on the show,
so I just want to make sure you're aware
that we only refer to my son
by his character name on set.
So there's no Boston.
It's only Kevin.
Oh Okay.
It's like Stanislavski.
Is he gonna gain 40 pounds for the part?
He would.
He takes his work very seriously.
Yes, of course.
Yes. Mm-hmm.
Would you like to practice?
Um
- Kevin?
- Very good.
Eli, this kid drives me fucking nuts.
We'll get him there.
Thank you for hanging in, king.
I appreciate you, man.
Getting too old for this shit.
Wh..
Wha
Okay, everybody, take two is up.
- Take two.
- Take two!
- Hey.
- Hey
Hey
I got good news and bad news.
The wine rep came by today with samples.
What's the bad news?
The wine rep came by today with samples.
Somehow, I knew you'd say that.
- Mmm.
- Can we hold
here, please?
- Yeah.
- Cut.
One second.
- It was great, Ana. Ron.
- Hmm?
Uh, Dooley is usually so formal,
but he's letting loose for once here,
so maybe throw in some
physical comedy here,
- like a little Charlie Chaplin.
- Who the fu Oh.
You're gonna tell me about my character.
I am the bible of me.
Yes. I No, I'm so sorry.
Oh, no, I've just done 18 episodes,
but, yes, please, tell us
how Dooley responds
to three tasting pours
of afternoon Chablis, Sam.
I
Oh.
Copy.
We should, uh
start over
if you want to, um
So, we going again?
Uh, yeah. Yes.
Sor-Sorry about that, uh
I
Yeah. Thought I was helping, but
Yeah. Ana, back to one. Yeah.
Oh, my God. Are you kidding me?
I thought you said you
were gonna clean this up.
- I'm sorry.
- So gross.
Don't bother trying to hide it.
I'm not stupid.
Now I know why it's been smelling
like a state fair in here.
What does a state fair smell like?
Dog shit, funnel cakes and cotton candy.
These are my Michael Kors shoes.
Max, I'm sorry.
So gross.
- What's up, Mom?
- Hey, buddy.
- You ready?
- Yeah.
This is the scene we talked about.
Yes, I know.
Okay, so, just so you know,
I'm gonna give you
all the time you need.
I won't wrap until you're happy.
- Okay?
- You got two takes.
Two takes?
What happened to "What's up, Mom"?
Mom, you got two takes.
My manager said it's not
good for my mental health
to do it more than twice.
Okay.
Sorry.
Hey, Mom.
- Having a good day?
- Yeah.
I just have a little bit of whiplash.
So, uh
- are we good?
- Oh.
Sam, look, I'm sorry.
Look, I In my head,
I was in Williamstown
doing a play with you, and I'm like,
"Who does this little thing think she is
giving me a note?"
I wasn't seeing you where you are now.
I was time traveling. Being a diva.
Come on, I'm sorry. I love you.
- Oh, I love you, too.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Thanks, Ron.
- Yeah.
- Oh, I appreciate that.
- Yeah.
Thanks, Ron.
Williamstown.
Was that the play where
you were my therapist?
No, stepfather. The
therapist was the miniseries.
I played your college
friend, then your therapist,
then your evil stepdaddy.
I aged 30 years in 18 months.
Had to get the hell away from you
before I turned to dust.
Hey, we trying to wrap everybody.
Y'all seen that extra? I
think her name was Carla.
She was wearing a pink top.
Not guilty, so you might
as well keep looking.
Please, my mom told me about you.
I know all the extras magically wound up
in your trailer after the show wrapped.
Yeah, we did have some fine extras
on Preaching to the Choir.
Now, I don't do shit.
You a liar. You know you a dog
that can't stay on the porch.
Just find her so we can
get the hell out of here.
Eli, what Dog? A por
Oh, yeah.
- A dog?
- I'm gonna No.
- No. No.
- Me?
But, uh, you are on the porch, though.
Finest damn extras. Whew.
Hi, Mikilola.
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.
- Hey.
- Good job back there, by the way.
- Oh.
- Especially with the kid and his mom.
- I know they're a lot.
- Yeah.
It's like a television show.
It's like a real, live television show.
- Thank God.
- Yeah.
Kevin's mom wants me to
remind you he has a hard out
at 3:30, all right?
Thanks, lady boss.
Okay. I-I'm just
cracking up thinking about
my mom going up to Norman Lear
and telling him that I have a hard out.
Who's Norman Lear in this scenario?
- You are.
- Please.
You're doing the damn thing, Elijah.
Well, so are you.
You've been in this game a long time.
Longevity is not easy to come by.
Yeah, well, I really appreciate that,
and I'm just glad to be here.
And actually, I'm very
surprised to have gotten the job.
- Yeah.
- Why?
Well, you know.
No, I don't.
I'm not that experienced at directing,
and I'm not
Black?
Uh, yeah.
Are you really gonna make me comfort you
for being white right now?
Oh. No. I didn't No. No.
Sam, sit down.
Look, at the beginning of this season,
I told the network I wanted
to bring in women directors
that inspired me when I was a kid.
Debbie Allen was one of those women.
- Mm.
- And so are you.
I used to watch Mystic
Flow as a kid all the time.
And me and my mom loved
Who's Got the Butter?
That was our shit.
I still watch the reruns.
Black people always bring up that show.
It was a good show.
That was a terrible, terrible show.
Plus, I also got fired from that.
Oh, yeah, you did.
- Yo, that was crazy.
- Yes.
We did like the actress
they replaced you with.
Oh, thanks.
But you were always our favorite.
Thank you.
I tell people all the time
I grew up in a two-parent household
My mom and the TV.
You helped raise me.
You're a real OG.
People throw that word
around all the time,
but you're a real one.
You know actors, you know crews.
You learned everybody's name.
And you're gonna get me
home in time to help my kid
- with their homework.
- Mm.
I love making TV.
It's a dream come true.
If I can't spend time with my family,
what's the fucking point?
Facts.
All right, that's your
white woman TED Talk.
- Get off my cart.
- Oh, yes.
- Yes. Thank you so much.
- Mm-hmm.
All right, have a great day.
- You too.
- This is great.
- Thanks, Elijah!
- Mm-hmm.
Goddamn it.
Here we go.
What's going on with you?
Where did you even get a vape?
- Have you heard of popcorn lung?
- Okay,
people do it all the time.
Well, they're fucking stupid.
Do you know what it
does to your-your skin
and your bones and your cerebral cortex?
- Okay, I don't do it that much.
- Don't do it at all, Duke.
Okay, okay. Just, like,
can we not do this, though?
I know what it's like to be 13.
I remember. I almost killed Mom.
13 is a nightmare for
all parties, but
But I don't know what
it's like to be 13 now.
You do.
Yes. What is your point?
The dog shit again.
I'll clean it up.
I'll get the Metamucil.
Come here.
Hey.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Uh, just drinks today, or food, too?
Oh, um, just a drink, I think, for now.
- Sure.
- Unless you have fries.
These are your cocktails.
Yes. Yes, they are.
- Okay.
- Uh, take your time.
Okay. Thank you.
Mm bap, bap.
- Hi, Mom.
- Hi!
How's it go What are you
Why are you in my bed?
Wh-Why are you eating in my bed?
What are you eating?
Is it pho? I heard it was "fuh."
"Fah." "Fu."
What do you call it?
This was too much to ask you, right?
Just please tell me.
I-I-I can take it.
This was too much.
To be honest, Mom,
like, this mom shit is not for pussies.
But, actually,
this time has been really
good.
Besides the dogs needing
diapers from now on, LOL.
How was your last day?
Oh, it was, uh
It was good. Thank you for asking.
You did a good job?
Well, I did a job, and it felt good.
I don't know how good of a job I did.
Mom, I'm watching
a Brian De Palma movie.
- Call me later.
- Wait, wait.
What movie?
And there you are.
Oh, no, I didn't order that.
Oh, it was from someone down the bar.
What? Where? Who?
Uh, they're right over there.
Where? I don't see
Oh.
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no.
No. No. No.
No, no.
Mm-mmm.
Send it back.
Uh, she said that it was for you,
and you would know what that means.
It's like a
little big-titty lady in her 80s?
Smug look on her face?
Uh, I think so.
I mean, she's smiling at you right now.
Yeah.
Yeah, no. I don't want to see.
Um, she's, uh, she's waving at you.
That's fine.
Just let her do that.
It'll tire her out.
Do you still want the drink?
No. No. I don't.
I would like to order
my own drink, please.
Take it aw But just one second.
Is that That's fresh
mint on there, hmm?
Uh, yes, it is. And,
uh, homemade ginger beer.
Let me just
Yeah. Thank you.
Yeah, I really like it.
Um
is she still staring?
Oh, yeah.
- Thank you.
- No worries.
I'm not gonna go.
You rascal.
Go ahead.
Tell me about your day.
Well, my day was lovely.
I took a ferry to Alcatraz,
and I can now say for certain
there's no way those convicts survived.
You see, if I'd try to be one