Better Things (2016) s05e05 Episode Script

The World Is Mean Right Now

Harry Hay founded the Mattachine Society in 1950.
Which was one of the first organizations to, like, advocate for gay rights in the United States.
But the same guy who founded the society ended up also being an apologist for pedophilia at the end of his life.
Which is ironic, 'cause, like, a lot of gay people were trying to fight that as a stereotype, so it's actually, like, super problematic, progress-wise Frankie.
Just stop.
Just stop.
Just stop.
Mom, are you really out of breath? - Yeah.
- You know, humans used to have to walk seven miles a day just to get food.
You look ridiculous.
- Yes.
- That is sad.
Seriously, you need to get in shape.
Can you imagine if you did this every single day? You might actually have a chance of living past 60.
Smells like caca.
Smells like a lot of doody everywhere.
There was a place called "Dog Doo Lane" - where I grew up.
- Mom, get into frame.
- Am I in it? - Do we have to? - We're doin' it! - Do we have to document everything that we do? Mom, keep up.
Oh, my God.
Can we keep moving, please? Whew.
Sana, sana, colita de rana.
- Is this borscht? - Mm-hmm.
Is this the Russian version or the Ukrainian version? - It's the delicious version.
- Mm.
Want to try? - Yeah.
- Blow, blow, blow.
Tell me that's not the best thing you've ever tasted.
Needs more salt.
Okay, could you back up, please? 'Cause ya hoverin'.
Mom, my hovering has to do with my childhood trauma.
What? It's too much to get into now.
It's okay.
You couldn't help it.
I adapted to your moods.
You want to hear my favorite quote? - Sure, go ahead.
- Okay.
"The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn.
" Who said that? Gloria Steinem.
Love that.
Does need more salt.
Honey baby! Time to go! Yes.
Mom, have you ever read The Drama of the Gifted Child? Does borscht have a lot of calories? Mom, what's the difference between a freckle and a mole? Yes.
Moles are darker.
This is gonna make Gran so happy.
Oops! I'm spilling borscht.
- Mom, how long are we staying for? - Seriously? Don't ask how long we're staying for.
- That's so rude.
- You want me to ask in front of her? You know how many hours this took me to make? - How many hours? - I've been cooking this for five hours.
Come on, Nan, you old cow, answer the door! And don't freak out when you pee tomorrow.
Remember that you had beets, which is borscht.
Here we go.
I made your favorite, girls.
Chicken wings.
I made a lot because you always complain I don't make enough.
Are you kidding me right now? Don't be so sensitive, darling.
Chicken goes well with bowls of ruffage.
You just cock-blocked my borscht.
Mmm! Yummy borscht.
Good when hot.
Max, will you pass the sour cream, please? - Yeah.
- Mmm, mmm, mm-mm.
This is really good, Mom.
Thank you.
Mom? Mom? Nan? Oh.
Yes, darling? - You okay? - I'm grand.
Sit down.
You happy, Nan? Happy? "Happy" is an odd word.
It's quite an American thing, you know, pursuit of happiness.
Happiness is fleeting.
But meaningful.
That's another story.
Speaking of which, I have a surprise.
What? Another surprise? You mean the chicken wasn't enough? - Yeah, Mom.
- Oh! What are we doing? We need vodka for the borscht.
Be right back, be right back.
I found these, and I wanted to share them with you.
- Look at her.
- Oh! So beautiful.
- Is that me? - Sure is.
It's pictures of your wedding to Dad.
- Oh.
What? - Don't you want to see these? You look so lovely, darling.
No, I do not want to see those.
- Mom - Stay where you are.
Stay right there.
Don't move.
Mom, it's me inside of you.
I don't want to see that.
I thought the girls would enjoy seeing you look young.
Yeah, Mom, you don't really even look like you.
Phil, can you put the album away? Mom, no, we have a right to see these.
This led to our own existence.
This was the reception.
There I am.
I looked handsome, didn't I? Yeah, Nan, you did.
Mom, can you just be nostalgic for, like, five minutes? This isn't nostalgia, okay? Nostalgia is pleasant, Frankie.
These memories are very unpleasant.
Mom, do you realize how it makes me feel when you say things like that? I wouldn't have been born if it wasn't for my dad.
This is my history.
No, this is my history, okay? You're not the only one with trauma, Frankie.
Those memories are very painful to me.
Such a good actress, Mom.
Really, so performative.
So I bid two clubs.
She bids three hearts.
What am I supposed to do? I bid two clubs.
Dad, you're so loud.
Would you look at her.
Such an actress.
Look at this performance.
You've got everyone's attention.
Mom, look how curly your hair is.
Nan, did you cry at the wedding? Oh, no.
I knew this marriage had a ticking clock.
But Look.
Look at this one.
Sam carrying your father.
This was an omen.
Day one of a codependent pact that's been going on for over two decades.
Don't you think, Sam? - You know what? - Mom.
Call me when you're done reading from your favorite book.
All righty.
Anyone want to read The New York Times from when President Kennedy was shot? Why are you so tone-deaf? If Mom did what you just did to any of you, you would've exploded.
It's so passive-aggressive.
Just aggressive.
Okay, don't overreact.
He's our dad, too, and we should be able to look at photos of him.
Max, how the fuck would it feel if we all started fangirling over photos of you and Ollivier after you broke up? Huh? Or you, Frankie, what if we all just started dissecting - old photos of you that you hate? - Okay, that's different, - so just - And, Gran, sorry to say this, but the only reason any of us even came today was because Mom forced us.
We all had other plans.
But Mom, your loyal daughter, rounded us all up on a Saturday just to make you feel happy - and cheer you up.
- Forced? Okay.
Oh, my God.
I'll get you a new glass.
How are you? I'm here to see Dr - Yes.
- Babu.
Well, like I said, we don't have anything until March.
- You're on the phone.
My bad.
- Yeah.
Well, you could find another provider.
Have a nice day.
How's your day going so far? Just a minute.
Can I help you? I have a 9:00 with Dr.
Sam Fox.
Fox? Mm-hmm.
Here you go.
- Fill that out.
Sit down.
- Okay, but I just wanted to check on the follow-up appointment Dr.
Babu wanted me to make.
It's on the 26th.
It's on the 29th.
- We moved it.
- Oh.
We tried to leave you several voice mails, but your inbox was always full.
You need to clean that out.
Oh, no, you see, I can't, because I have all my daughters' voice mails saved from when they were babies.
I just, I can't delete 'em.
You understand, r-right? Yeah.
Okay, so, the thing is, I can't do the 29th because I'm going to San Francisco, - so - Mm-hmm.
If there's any way you can squeeze me in any time on the 26th Late, early.
Babu is very, very booked.
I'm just saying, it's kind of on you guys to try to accommodate me.
Okay, look.
We can keep going around and round like this, but the reality is you're not gonna get an appointment before the 29th.
You win.
- I'll take the 29th.
- Great.
And next time, get here 15 early so you can fill out your paperwork, so you're not putting us behind.
Have a seat there.
We'll let you know when he's ready.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
- Thank you! - Yeah, I heard you.
Oh, no, no, no.
Please don't use that.
I was gonna borrow the pen of it.
- There's a pen on top.
- I didn't see it.
Just right there, where we always put pens.
Go for Paige.
Absolutely not.
Are you fasting? Rude.
I'm gonna sit with you.
Collier? Did you do a urine specimen? No, not yet.
I don't like her.
She's mean.
These are shit.
No, these are just shit.
- Shit.
These are big, though.
- Really? Yeah, I'm good with these.
Okay, what about these? Oh, number 42.
Somebody wrote on that one.
Who's Sam Fox? What an idiot.
- Seriously? - That's fucked-up.
I'll take this one, though.
Hank Aaron, hell yeah.
Damn it, Sam.
- Awesome.
Good job.
- Thanks, Paul.
Thank you.
Have a good day.
Hey, Cal, check this shit out.
Hi, Sam.
- Hi, Dr.
- Good to see you.
- Good to see you, too.
- How's your mom? Um, she's good.
Okay, so, what brings you in? Says something about, uh, shortness of breath? Yeah, um, so I'm a little worried, uh, you know, happens time to time.
My dad was 49 when he dropped dead of a heart attack, and my mom had her incident two years ago, so I just came in to see if I'm okay and there isn't anything hereditarily going on with me.
Okay, well, your blood pressure's fine.
So, when do you experience this, uh, shortness of breath, huh? Um, you know, sometimes when I'm moving around.
Like when you're exercising? Uh, I don't really exercise.
What about smoking? What about it? Do you do it? Um, well, no Not No, no, no, no, no.
So, how often do you not, not fucking smoke, huh? Like all the time? Or a couple times a week? Like a couple every few weeks or something.
Take off your jacket.
What the fuck happened there? Oh, nothing.
It's just a thing.
- It's nothing.
- All right.
Breathe in.
I think you're okay.
But I am going to order you an echocardiogram because, well, you know, I'm fucking fond of you, and I want you to feel at ease, okay? Thanks, Dr.
That'd be great.
Um, I was just Can I, uh, can I talk to you privately for a second? Please? Could you give us a second, Leslie? Thank you, Leslie.
No offense.
This is so awkward.
Come on.
What's up? Uh, how do I put this? Um - Your receptionist - Mm-hmm.
She can come off as extremely intense.
Babu, your 9:45 is here.
Okay, well, thank you, Paige.
And I need your signature on this.
Well, just leave it on my desk.
Okay, but you didn't pick a protein on your salad.
Thank you, Paige.
- Did you want croutons, or - We'll pick a protein, Paige.
Yeah, she's fucking rude.
I know.
Actually, another word comes to mind for me, and it starts with C and it rhymes with "shunt.
" It's a little heart humor.
I know.
And don't worry.
I live for that kind of shit, Sam.
It can't just be me, right? - Your receptionist, it's not just - No, no.
People have been saying things for years.
What did she do? Okay, so, your office She - Uh-huh.
- She cancelled an appointment that you wanted me to make, and she's been extremely inflexible about rescheduling it.
Well, I am very sorry.
Give me your phone.
I am going to give you my cell number.
So, next time you need to make an appointment, text me.
- Okay? - Oh, wow.
Doctor's digits.
- I love it.
Do you make house calls? - Fuck no.
I was just kidding.
I didn't - Yeah, I know.
- Yep.
You're in trouble.
Excuse me? Have a good day, Paige.
I told on you.
Yes, I did, and it felt good.
Good for the heart.
Babu is so sick of your deadeye-looking ass.
Shut up, Paige.
What is it? - Oh.
- Hi, I'm Joe.
Present from your friend Caroline.
Joe Feng Shui consultation.
- Yes! - Mm.
Oh, wow.
That's today.
I'm so sorry.
Do you need to reschedule? No, um no.
Might as well do this.
But, Joe, please don't tell me things that are impossible.
I can't.
This is just the way my house is.
May I? Yes.
Um people? Human people? Uh, we have a special guest down here.
We are about to get feng shui-ed.
- Present from Caroline.
- Hi.
I'm Joe.
- Hi, Joe.
- Hi.
Nice to meet you.
This isn't in the right place.
What? The door? The chi is negative.
Mom, you have to move the door.
I'm not moving the door.
Uh The sink is in the wrong spot.
- No.
- Okay.
Spray four thieves vinegar.
You want to stop the money leaking out the door.
Get 14 Chinese coins, put them on a red string and hang them up Here.
Also, put jade in your wallet.
Oh, okay.
Jade in - Write that down.
- That beam.
I'm not moving that beam, Joe.
You can.
Then plant a green persimmon in the garden.
The energy is stagnant.
The stove and sink are too far apart.
The stove is about abundance.
Do you need to cook right here? Where am I supposed to cook, in the bathroom? Joe.
Break the wall.
Add more flow.
I can't do that, Joe.
Mom, we need more flow.
Yeah, Mom.
Do we need the wall? Yes, we need the wall.
Paint it green.
Oh, okay.
Don't do business in this space.
Hi, Uncle Lester.
There was a little man.
People would gather here.
This is a touching point.
You need to fix this.
Get another man, or woman, or person.
Why do you have so many faces looking at you? I like 'em.
Is that bad? It's not good.
Hang pictures of nature.
Flowing water.
Gentle, not rushing.
Oh, um, that's my room, actually.
I have no notes.
It's perfect.
- Take notes.
I am.
- So proud of yourself.
I'm sensing chaos.
No harmony.
There are lots of obstacles in here.
You need a rooster.
Point it north.
Can you move this bed? - It will give you balance.
- In life? In every area.
No, Joe.
I can't move my bed.
Okay? I-I really appreciate that you are a sacred practitioner of this ancient art.
But I can't move my bed, and I can't do a lot of these things that you're asking me.
It's a lot for me to process right now.
Listen, I work with a lot of women.
Older women.
There's a constant haze hanging around you.
Now, some of these women take my advice, And some of them don't.
You haven't lost them.
They're not gone forever.
So, tell me, what are you nervous about? Changing things? Well, it's more than that.
It's not just changing.
It-It's everything.
You know, I just dropped out of this big acting gig, and I've never turned down work before.
And then, I have this whole new job coming up, and I don't know if I made the right choice.
There is no wrong choice.
When is the date that you start? Next Monday.
You have to move it.
Fuck you, Joe.
Wear color blue.
Can I touch your snake? - Huh? Oh! Yes.
Yes! - Yes.
Come on over.
It's my boudoir snake.
- Frankie, you want to get her for Joe? - Yeah.
- There she is.
- Here we are.
You want to wear her? Sure.
All right.
- Oh.
- Aw! She looks good on you.
I'm coming.
I'm coming.
- Hi.
One sec.
- Finally.
I can't get on the Internet.
Can you get on yours? Hi, Mal.
Is this available? Question mark.
I love this place.
Can you get this for me? Please? Question mark.
Thank you so much.
You're the best.
Yas! Period.
Who are you talking to? Okay, what do you need? Mal.
He got me this insane Airbnb.
- Who? - Mal, my agent.
- Never mind.
- Why Airbnb? - He got me an apartment.
- Why? Are we moving? What? No.
No, I'm-I'm working in San Francisco next week.
I love San Francisco.
Do you remember when we stayed there? - Mm-hmm.
- I haven't been in years.
There's so much to see.
The food, the people, the gay culture.
And San Francisco's changed.
The things that spell San Francisco to me - are disappearing fast.
- Are disappearing fast.
I'd like to go with you.
What? Oh.
Uh, well, that would be impossible, 'cause I'd have to invite you, and, you know, I'll be working there, Phil.
I mean, I'm not gonna be on vacation.
There's no time for sightseeing.
I'll be shuttled from, hopefully, this apartment to set every single morning and night.
- Isn't it cool? - Yes, but there's enough room for me there.
I can stay with you.
Keep myself busy during the daytime.
Yeah, no.
No, no, Phil.
I'm not going to live forever, you know.
And the listing says there's room for four guests.
Why can't you share it with me? Because I can't.
Well, I'll book a flight myself and get my own Airbnb.
I want to see the city, and you can't stop me.
I'm a grown woman with my own free will.
Phil, I'm there to work.
Don't do this to me.
You would need a companion.
You do as you wish and I will, too.
You're not my overseer.
I can make my own itinerary.
I'm going no matter what you say.
I know my way around San Francisco.
I don't need a babysitter.
Stop! Do you understand me? Just stop.
Don't raise your voice at me.
- The way you throw up walls - I do no such thing.
All the time.
Yes, you do! You throw these tantrums like a six-year-old.
It's just relentless with you.
Do you realize what this does to me? The pressure that you put me under? Oh, my heart.
My heart is fucking racing right now.
I say yes to everything for you.
You are a part of all of it.
It's every single day with you.
Can't you meet me halfway? You never meet me halfway.
You never say, "Fair enough.
I've gone too far.
" You're absolutely right.
What? You're right.
I don't.
I am? Yes.
Now don't gloat.
I will try harder, and I won't go to San Francisco.
That is really, really satisfying.
Phil? Hmm? Get the vodka.
Tout de suite.
Okay, so, what do you want to do on here? - What are y - I just want to get onto the Internet.
Okay, well, it's-it's on the Internet.
I show you this every single day.
I know, but it had gone wrong, and I just couldn't get back onto it.
Okay, here.
You're on.
- Ooh.
- I'm on now? It's the same way I show you every day.
But it doesn't work when I do it.
- Good for your heart.
- You're gonna kill me, you know.
You kill me and then you revive me.
Can you write it down this time? Chewy.
- I need coffee.
- Seaweed smoothie.
- Coffee machine.
- Seaweed smoothie.
- Coffee.
- Seaweed smoothie.
- Those Coffee.
- Seaweed smoothie.
- Coffee for Mommy.
- Seaweed smoothie.
- Coffee.
- Seaweed.
Seaweed smoothie.
Very green.
It is made with kelp and spinach and avocado.
And love.
And apple.
I like it.
It's nice.
Um Mom, I'm really sorry about the other night.
I was being an asshole.
The slow clap thing, I know that's really triggering for you, and I'm sorry.
Thank you.
And I have something for you.
The fuck? I sold your baseball cards, and that is your money.
I just told you to get rid of 'em.
And I did and turned a profit.
For you.
- Did you sell the Hank Aaron? - Mm-hmm.
But you had two.
It has no value because you wrote your name on it.
It was 1977.
I needed to write my name on my shit.
This is your history, Mom, and it belongs to you.
I kind of love this.
- It's cool, right? - Yeah.
I'm gonna put it on fridgy.
- No! - Yes! - Coffee.
- No, no, no.
I'm really sad.
Me, too.
A lot of people are.
You know, these steps, they're like the Stonewall of L.
It's like a gay pride memorial.
But a lot of people don't realize that.
They just use it as a place to exercise.
I don't care.
Side! Excuse me.
Can you not take the entire stairs? Thank you so much.
You're so welcome.
It was perfect.
Oh, my God.
I mean Hmm.
Life's funny.
Even when it's sad.

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