American Housewife (2016) s05e10 Episode Script

And then
you go like this.
And then the music goes
dah dah dah dah-dah-dah,
and then you finish
like this.
Do you think
I'll make the cheer squad?
Can I be frank
with you?
Of course. After all,
your podcast is called
"Getting Frank
with Franklin."
Frankly,
you were amazing.
I only wish my listeners
could see your routine.
I'm your only listener,
so technically, they can.
Today's episode
was written,
produced, and edited by me,
Franklin.
And our outro today was
performed by me, also Franklin.
"Getting F-F-F-F-Frank
with Franklin"!
That was
my 99th episode.
Wow. You should do something
special for your 100th.
Yeah. Maybe you could have
a guest other than me.
Mrs. Otto,
I've always wanted to know
who the woman is
behind the laundry basket.
Would you be my guest
on the 100th episode
of "Getting Frank
with Franklin"?
Here are my demands
I want a comfy chair,
peanut butter pretzels,
and if Hollywood decides
to make a TV show out of it,
I want Scarlett Johansson
to play me.
Done, done, and I love
the confidence, lady.
You should interview
the whole family.
Yes! This is going to be
the best 100th episode ever!
Or best 107th,
if, as I suspect,
I've counted wrong.
Captions by VITAC
AMERICAN HOUSEWIFE
Season 05 Episode 10
Episode Title:
"Getting Frank with the Ottos"
Aired on:
February 24, 2021
I call this
"Huevos Ottos."
It's like Huevos Rancheros,
but instead of pinto beans,
I used bacon, 'cause that's all
you had in your meat drawer.
And your veggie drawer.
Mmm, delicious.
Yeah, yeah.
He made eggs.
I'm trying to tell you about
the app we're working on.
Gyftee is ready for a trial run,
and if it's successful,
that alone
will get me into Harvard.
Then Cooper will
roll up his sleeves,
buckle down,
and buy his way in.
Has anybody seen
my Oranginas?
Oh, Cooper and I
drank them.
I was expecting juice,
but it was more like
orange soda
that didn't have the courage
of its conviction.
They had a Post-it
with my name on it.
I'll just buy some more.
There you go.
Give 'em hell, honey!
Mr. Otto, would it be okay
if I used your office
to interview people
for my 100th podcast?
It has the best acoustics
in the house
and your desk chair
is good for my sciatica.
Of course.
Wow, 100 episodes.
I gotta say,
I'm impressed
with your stick-to-itiveness,
Franklin.
Speaking of which, Katie,
how's your mommy vlog going?
You haven't done an entry
in a week.
I don't know, Greg.
How are those dumbbells
in the garage
you bought
four years ago?
I strained my shoulder.
It takes time to heal.
I'm taking a breather
from my vlog.
The truth is,
it eats up a lot of time,
and realistically, the chances
of it being successful
in the long term
are slim.
Mm.Hey, Mom, check it out.
I can do the splits.
Honey,
that is amazing.
But you know
what might be
better for you
than cheerleading?
School mascot.
You don't think
I'll make the squad?
Of course I do.
But there are
so many cheerleaders
and only one mascot,
so that's special.
And you're special.
So, there's a convergence
of specialness
Which is special.
Dad, there's another
attack ad against you,
but this time it's from
Principal Ablin.
Greg Otto is running
for City Council,
and he says he's one of you.
But is he?
He's only been in Westport
for four years.
My family has been here
for over 2,000 years.
Greg Otto pronounces
Compo Beach "Campo Beach."
He's not one of us.
"Campo Beach"?
I thought I knew you.
None of that is true!
So what are you
going to do about it?
I'll tell you
what I'm gonna do.
Nothing.
I'm going to
take the high road.
I will not get in the muck
with my opponents.-
Oh, Greg.
You are already so mucked.
Andre,
what are you doing here?
Uh, you forgot your sweater
in class,
so I thought I'd drop by
on my way home.
Don't you live on campus?
Yeah, yeah.
Let me correct myself.
I thought that I'd drop off your
sweater nowhere near my home.
So I'll, uh, see you
in school on Monday.
In that sweater
or wear whatever you want,
or you don't have to wear
anything at all.
I mean, wear something.
Bye!
Oy.
You've never seen Greg Otto
and the Prime Minister of
Turkey in the same room.
A lot of people are asking why.
Mr. Otto?!
I'm not the Prime Minister
of Turkey!
Why haven't you been practicing
your cheerleading routine?
Maybe my mom's right.
She tried to spin
the whole mascot thing,
but what
she's really telling me
is that I'm not
gonna make the team.
She's not wrong.
When I do a cartwheel, my hands
and feet don't leave the ground.
I'm all cart, no wheel.
But let's not
talk about me.
This is your day.
How do I look?
Like a tween
George Stephanopoulos.
Siri, show me
George Stephanopoulos.
Bangin'.
Hey, Dad,
can I get a level on you?
Four score
That's enough.
Welcome to the 100th episode of
"Getting Frank with Franklin."
My first guest is
a Pulitzer Prize-winning author,
Greg Otto.
I don't have one of those.
No?
Disappointing.
We know
you're a busy man.
You're a father,
you're a professor,
you're running for
City Council,
which leads me to
my first question
Would you rather have
edible spaghetti hair
or sweat maple syrup?
That's a tough one
to start.
I'd say
sweat maple syrup.
I struggle with that one
every day.
Along those same lines
Why do you completely lack
any sort of backbone?
Excuse me?
It's been my observation that
letting people push you around
is a continuing theme
in your life.
Where are you
getting that?
Letting that attack ad slide
makes you look weak.
I'm taking
the high road!
Westport is going to pave
right over your "high road"
if you don't wake up, speak up,
and sack up!
How'd it go?
Much, much franker
than I thought.
So, what are your guys' plans
after high school?
Well, we're going to
Harvard,
and then on to
Business school.
Then we're moving to New York
to start our own
- Boutique hedge fund.
- Boutique hedge fund.
Jinx, you owe me
a billion dollars!
Hey, Franklin,
what time is it?
Time to get frank
with Franklin.
You two have what's called a
"boy and his dog" relationship.
What are you
talking about?
Don't you have any
of your own plans?
We just have
the same interests,
and that's why
we have the same plan.
No, you don't.
Oliver, youhave the plan.
This one follows you around
like a lost puppy.
Y-You're way off base,
amigo.
Yeah. And look who's talking.
You follow Anna-Kat around
all the time.
Yeah, she's my girlfriend.
It's called being a G.
And we're back.
I-I-I'm no puppy.
I started using bath bombs
and Oliver copied me.
And I'm sorry,
we're out of time.
But thank you, Cooper and
Oliver, for being my guests.
Oliver, you go first.
Cooper will follow.
He can't talk to us
like that.
We're Cooliver,
damn it.
What the hell
is happening in there?
I don't want
to talk about it.
Taylor Otto?
Right this way, please.
Mom?
Just be brave.
After it's all over,
we'll go to the pharmacy
and you can pick out a toy.
So, Taylor,
what's your favorite color?
Uh
blue?
According to my research,
that's correct.
Oh, yes, I knew it!
Look, Taylor,
we've had our ups and downs,
minor flirtations,
but we've both come out
the other side as friends.
I'm really thrilled you're on
my 100th episode.
Thank you.
Well,
I think that's it.
Oh, really? That's it?!
That's all you're gonna say
to this cheating Harlot?
Hey! Sorry, she's just
very protective of Trip.
She doesn't want him
to get hurt
because of what you're doing
with Andre.
There is nothing going on
between me and Andre.
Oh, please.
Leaving a sweater behind
so they'll have to
bring it back to you?
Oldest trick in the book.
Get her!
Be frank with her, Franklin!
This is not a crime.
The heart wants
what the heart wants.
No one is here to judge you,
Taylor.
She is.
Strumpet!
What is that?!
Use modern words!
What my associate's
trying to say is
you better figure out
who you want to be with
before someone gets hurt.
What I'm trying to say is,
you a ho.
Is thatmodern enough
for you?
Seriously, what the hell
is happening in there?
It's an ambush in there!
Trust no one!
Mrs. Otto?
Yes?
I'm taking my pepperoni pizza
Lunchables break.
I'm not sponsored yet,
but I'm hoping to be soon.
Mm.
We're ready to do a test run
on our app.
Some avocado toast
for the big wigs?
I think
it's well-documented
that I don't like
your personality,
I think your hair
is a bit much,
I can't stand your face.
But this
This is the best damn
avocado toast I have ever had!
Also, your shoes irk me.
Okay, I get my personality,
but my face and my shoes?
You're out of your mind.
If this operates properly,
Gyftee will sift through
all my social-media data and
pick the perfect gift for me.
What's it suggesting?
It's a welcome mat that says
"go away."
It works!
Yes!
Let me try.
What's it say?
Perfect! It's a money clip
engraved with the words
"Eat, Sleep, Win, Gloat."
Now do me.
You got
the same money clip!
Dude,
this thing rules!
What's wrong?
I don't know. I thought maybe
it might give me something else.
Like some
cooking supplies.
No, the app is working
perfectly.
We'll need the money clip after
we graduate from Harvard
and start making
mad skrilla.
Well, what if I don't want
to go to Harvard?
But Harvard's our dream.
It's yourdream.
Are you two
breaking up?
Maybe Franklin's right.
I always do what you want,
go where you want.
Not anymore!
I recognize your expression
from my emotion flashcards.
You are clearly hungry.
Have some more
avocado toast.
Franklin put it all
in perspective.
Greg Otto is done
taking crap from people!
Except me.
I still want you to
take crap from me.
I know.
What if I come back at Ablin
by making buttons that say
"Ablin is Ab-Lyin'?"
I love everything about
that idea except the button
and what you're going to
write on it.
I guess being cutthroat
just isn't in my nature.
Damn it,
I'm letting Franklin down!
What is up with this family
listening to Franklin?
He eats pistachios
with the shells on them.
Honey, what did Franklin
say to you?
Tell me.
He said I have feelings
for Andre, my TA.
Do you?
I don't know.
Andre's just
so different than Trip.
He's worldly and cultured,
and Trip is none
of those things,
but I love him.
Franklin said I have to
explore my feelings.
He said I'm not being fair
to either of them.
What is Franklin learning
in those special ed classes?
He does have a point,
though.
You're only 19.
This is the time where you need
to figure out who you are
and who you want
to be with.
I don't know
who I want to be with!
What kind of man am I?
I don't know who I am!
Mrs. Otto, you're up.
I don't know exactly how
you made my whole family
question
their entire lives,
but just so you know,
you're not gonna rattle me.
I understand.
Anna-Kat,
can you please excuse us?
Of course.
Wh-Wh-Where's she going?
I like to start off
with a compliment.
My hair
looks great today.
Mm.
Just kidding.
You're a lady
of many talents.
Party planning,
lasagne entrepreneurship,
mommy vlogging.
But I have
just one question
Why'd you quit
all of them?
Is that all you got?
First of all,
I did not quit my vlog.
And the other things are none
of your business, paste-eater.
Can I be frank with you?
Fire away.
I can't help but wonder
if you discouraging Anna-Kat
from trying out
for the cheer squad
isn't about Anna-Kat
at all,
but more about
your own shortcomings.
Are you calling me
a bad mom?
Because you're about
to be a guest
on "Getting Killed
by Katie."
No, no. I'm not saying
it's because you'rea bad mom.
It's because you had
a bad mom.
Anna-Kat, now!
Mom?
What are you doing here?
Anna-Kat and Franklin called me
to come for your birthday.
My birthday isn't
for five months.
I probably should have
known that.
Yeah.
Alright,
I-let me get this straight.
It's my fault that
Anna-Kat quit cheerleading?
Yes. You gave Katie
a defeatist attitude,
which she's now passing on
to her daughter.
Where do you
get this stuff?
From you.
It's all right here
in your high-school diary.
You read
my high-school diary?
Yes. The head of
the research department
found it in the back
of your bedroom closet.
I'm the head
of the research department.
Hey,
are you one of those kids
who can help me
count cards in Vegas?
"My mother
is soooo unsupportive."
You want to be
a what girl?
A Fly Girl.
Is that like
Spanish fly?
No.
They're dancers on the show
"In Living Color."
They're having open auditions.
Check it.
Go!
Say party!
P-Party!
You got it, baby!
Unh! Come on!
Say party!
Don't waste your energy,
honey.
You're not
gonna make it.
You gave me permission
to give up,
and now Anna-Kat is giving up
because of me.
Don't talk to me
like that.
I am here
for your birthday.
And don't give me that whole
"it's not my birthday" thing.
That is disrespectful.
I base my entire parenting style
on not being like you,
and yet
I can't escape it.
Why did I end up
with your dysfunction
and not
your metabolism?
Yes, yes,
I discouraged you.
But it was nothing like
what my stepmother did to me.
You know, I wanted to
go to college, but she said,
"Well, that's useless if
you're gonna start a family."
So I became a stewardess
instead.
And you don't hear me
whining about it.
Sure sounds like
you're whining about it.
Here's my new favorite saying
Shut up, Franklin.
Wait. So my step-great-
grandmother discouraged you?
Yeah. Yeah,
I-I guess she's the one
who started me on my own path
of giving up on things.
College, my marriage.
I even gave up on
giving up on drinking.
You know what
you have to do?
Confront her.
Break the family curse.
I haven't talked to that woman
in 20 years.
You can do that?
Why haven't I done that
with you?
We need to confront
my stepmother.
Come on.
Go get 'em, ladies!
Oh,
my next guest is here.
So, Luthor,
let me be frank with you.
You only hurt yourself when you
pee in your water bowl.
This was so nice.
If I knew you were gonna
pay for lunch,
I would've ordered
something cheaper.
I wanted to thank you
for bringing me my sweater.
Oh, please.
I'd do it for any student.
Okay,
I-I can't do this anymore.
Honestly, the sweater was just
an excuse to see you.
I shouldn't
have said that.
I'm gonna give you $20
for the salmon.
And I shouldn't say this,
but I asked you to lunch because
I wanted to see you too.
Oh, my God, Trip!
Taylor!
This is Andre,
my TA.
We're here talking about
school stuff.
And this is my coworker,
Stella.
We're here talking
about work stuff.
Oh, uh, Andre,
this is my Trip.
And, Stella,
this is my Taylor.
Nice to meet you.
Alright, well, we're gonna
go sit over here.
And we're already seated,
so we're gonna stay right here.
Very cool.
Enjoy talking about work.
Enjoy talking about school.
Do you think
Stella's pretty?
I'm just gonna give you $30
for the salmon and head out.
I brought you something.
Did Gyftee pick me out
a wall fish
that says
"show me the money"?
Gyftee got it wrong,
but I'm pretty sure
your boy got it right.
"King of La Cocina."
I love it!
It's perfect!
I've been so focused
on what I want,
I just assumed
you wanted the same thing.
But if cooking's
what makes you happy,
then that's what you should
go to school for.
Thanks.
I actually have been looking
at some culinary schools.
Yeah. We don't have to do
everything together
to stay best friends.
I'll go to Harvard.
And I'll go to Cambridge
Culinary School right next door.
Let's celebrate our new plan
with some of Greg's Oranginas.
Aah! Aah!
Those beverages
are for me
and my new
life coach/campaign manager.
Lonnie? He's gonna
help me play dirty,
fight back,
and win this election.
Your dad needed an expert
in social media
and messing with people.
I'm both.
And a licensed notary
if you need that too.
- Hmm.
- Brrap brrap!
Kathryn?
Hello, Margaret.
I was surprised
when you reached out
- and wanted to catch up.
- Oh.
Last time I saw you
was at your father's funeral,
and you told me
"too bad it's not yours."
Mm.
Uh, you know my daughter Katie.
Ah, you were the one
who liked to dance.
Dance into my lamps.
You still owe me $20.
Now I get the whole "not talking
to her for 20 years" thing.
Margaret,
when I was young,
I told you
I wanted to go to college,
but you discouraged me.
And that bad advice had
a major impact on my life.
I don't remember
that conversation,
but I trust
what you say is true.
And all I can say is
get the over it.
Mom, it's not like I've never
heard that word before.
You're always cursing.
Our house is like
a prestige HBO drama.
Get over it?
How can you say that?
It happened years ago!
Was it a mistake?
Maybe.
But people say a lot of
things, and at some point,
you have to take
responsibility for yourself.
Huh. Yeah, yeah,
I guess you're right.
It's not my fault that
you don't see things through.
So, yeah, I told you
you shouldn't become a Fly Girl.
Get the over it!
- You're not wrong.
- Hmm.
Honey,
sometimes parents
discourage their children
to protect them,
but if you want
to do something,
don't let anyone
get in your way.
So go out
for cheerleading.
I'm gonna be there
to root you on.
And I'm going back
on my mommy vlog.
Okay, Margaret, um,
I think we can sign off now.
Hang on.
Let me give you my Venmo
so Katie can pay me back
for that lamp she broke.
Sure thing.
What is it?
Lowercase A
with a circle around it.
Capital M, capital A
Oh, how'd it go?
I didn't make the squad.
But she is going to try again
next year.
The important thing is
she gave it a go.
Show me the routine.
Okay.
Sometimes it takes
a little frankness
to set someone in
the right direction.
It's that kind of honesty
that helps a family grow.
To live better and love more.
Ooh!
The cheer squad was crazy
not to pick you.
But at the end of the day,
lying is easier.
This paella is
Que bueno?
I know, bro.
Pass me more paella.
Now!
We get it.
You're assertive.
Do you think I should
break up with Trip
and see where things go
with Andre?
Honey,
you never quit a job
until you're sure
you've got another one.
Unless you're willing to
hold down two jobs at once.
Grandma!
Oh, I know.
You're not ready.
That was your best episode yet,
Franklin.
Thanks.
- Here's to 100 more.
- Oh.
And it doesn't matter what
time slot you're in, Franklin.
Your fans
will always follow.
Cheers!
Hear, hear!
To 100!