Rick and Morty (2013) s09e04 Episode Script
A Ricker Runs Through It
1
[ Groans ]
Ah, ugh.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
[ Urinating ]
Mmm!
[ Glass shatters ]
Oh. Oh, God.
[ Coughs ]
[ Burps loudly ]
[ Drunkenly muttering ]
[ Grunts ]
Oh, ugh.
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
[ Glass shatters ]
Ugh, this fuckin' thing.
This, uh, uhh, fuck.
Hokay.
[ Error dings ]
Come o-o-on!
Come on, man!
[ Error dings ]
Piece of fuckin' --
piece of shit!
[ Error dings ]
Aah! Aah!
Hnn, hnn, hnn, hnn, hnn!
[ Error dings ]
Lockdown initiated.
[ Machinery whirring ]
Mort-y-y-y!
Ohhh. Hey, pal.
W-what's up?
Oh, g-good --
good morning, Mor-- Morty.
Yeah. Sure thing.
You want breakfast?
Or dinner?
Are you humoring me,
Morty?
[ Sighs ]
No.
I only had a couple
of drinks, Morty!
S-so, w-what do you
need me for?
This fuckin' thing
locked me out!
Okay. Well,
whose fault is that?
Y-o-o-ours!
What?
Let! Me! In!
[ Electricity crackles ]
Owww!
Unh!
M-o-o-o-ort-y-y-y-y!
I mean, Rick, I don't really
know what I can do here.
Y-you don't give a shit
about grandpa, huh?
Is -- Is that it, Morty?
Y-you want me dead?
[ Sighs ]
Rick
Y-you won't inherit
anything from me, Morty.
Evil boy. Wicked boy.
[ Cellphone ringing ]
Okay.
You know what?
Hello? R-Rick S--
Rick Sanchez phone.
How'd -- How you
get this number?
Reese!
Reese?
Uh, y-you're in town?
Of course we can.
Of course I'm drunk.
L-let's, uh, see you soon!
Guess who that was!
It was Reese.
Y-you said --
You said it out loud!
Fucking Reese, Morty!
Mnhmnh,
who needs passwords, huh?
W-we need our minds
off of this shit, Morty.
We gotta hang out
with our pal Reese!
Rick, you just yelled at me,
and I don't even care.
I like Reese that much.
[burps] That's 'cause
he's the fuckin' best!
You got that right.
[ Downbeat rock music plays ]
♪♪
Reese! Reese! Reese!
Reese! Reese! Reese!
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
[ Electricity crackles ]
I love these trips, Reese.
H-hell, yeah!
Fly-fishing, babay!
[ Reel whirs ]
[ Snap! ]
Aww!
W-was that my fault?
D-did I
fuck that up?
M-dawg,
if they never got away,
what'd be the point
of catching 'em?
Man, that's some great --
great fly-fishing wisdom, Reese.
Really calming.
You gotta wade
with the current, dude.
You're the best.
[ Reel whirs ]
Awww, geez!
Hey, M-Morty.
Morty, Morty,
Morty, Morty!
Oh! Oh, God!
Rick!
[ Chuckles ]
Get outta here!
[ Laughing ]
[ Insects chirping ]
I know I packed
the special marshmallows.
One job.
I opened the cabinet,
I looked at them.
I know I looked at them!
One job!
You forgot them
on the last Reese trip.
Seems like a bad thing
to trust me with, then.
You gotta be more patient
with Morty, Rick.
Not everyone
can be a genius.
It's what you do with
what you got that counts.
Sorry, Morty.
I could take it easier on you.
I'm, uh -- I'm still wired
from catching all those fish.
Ha ha! Well, you'd find a way
to get high on anything.
Ain't that the truth?
[ All laughing ]
Rick: True.
You know, Rick,
you two may fight,
but you're the real deal.
[ Watch dings ]
Heh. Thanks, Reese.
[ Cellphone vibrates ]
Ah, man.
I hate to do this, guys,
but I got some work stuff
I still need to hit.
Might have to call it.
[burps] Sounds good to me.
I'm beat.
What? The --
The trip just started.
Sorry, champ, but the river's
not going anywhere.
Shake a leg, Morty.
Some of us got
responsibilities.
[ Bottles clattering ]
You could always just
move to Earth, Reese.
Rick's a god.
He could, like,
grow your job out of slime.
He could grow your
whole company out of slime.
It's a great idea, Morty.
I'll pitch it to my boss.
Bye, Reese.
Remember, wade with
the current, pal.
[ Machinery whirring ]
Theft detected.
Um, did -- did --
did you just
Threat nullified.
Shit.
Jesus fucking Christ!
Okay, so, Morty,
I know your instinct will be
to make a big deal
about this.
You'll be all,
"Betrayal! Betrayal!"
We've known him
for years!
S-so Reese takes us camping
whenever you get locked out?!
Oh, my God.
Am I your fucking password?
Ugh. It's more complex
than that.
But yes.
Our relationship is
unique in the multiverse.
Th-there.
Jerk off to it.
It's what
you always wanted.
We're unique,
and I depend on you.
Unh!
Whoa!
And you needed to gaslight me
with a cool fake friend
to verify that?!
Morty, how can you
be mad at this?
I created an awesome guy
we had a great time with.
I'm more sad about this
than you, Morty.
I liked Reese.
Reese was cool.
Now I gotta build
a new fuckin' Reese thing!
[ Grunting ]
Unh! Hunh!
Uhh! Unh!
Unh!
Aah!
[ Muffled screaming ]
[ Muffled screaming continues ]
Mm. Mm.
Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm.
[ Gulping loudly ]
Ahh. Oh.
[ Gulping continues ]
Ahh.
[ Sighs ]
What?
It's just, how is there
that much liquid in there?
Oh. Uh, this one is, uh --
it's a -- it's a portal thing.
Th-there's a big silo full
of vodka on this one planet.
These, uh, little hog-men
keep it full for me.
Okay.
I'm gonna go
[burps] empty it.
Ugh!
Rick?
That was fucked up, Rick.
But I can handle fucked up.
A-a-and now
that I know what Reese is,
w-we can, we can hang out
with him all the time, right?
Uh
Morty wha-whaa?
What the hell
are you doing to him?
Oh. I got, I gotta transfer over
some stuff-uh before disposal.
"Disposal"?!
Reese is a liability, Morty.
[ Device beeps ]
He's like a credit card.
If he's not in use,
he-e's gotta be shredded.
Chin up, Morty.
It's my bad for going all
Iron Giant in front of ya.
I don't want
you to die.
Hey, hey, hey,
I'm not dying
'cause I was never
really living.
[ Slurring ] He's got all
my passwords, Morty.
You can't just -- he's not
a guy, he's -- he's a wallet.
Nice wallet.
Aah! Morty!
[ Errors dinging ]
Lockdown initiated.
[ Machinery whirring ]
Morty, nooo!
Aah! Ooh! Ohh!
[ Groans ]
[ Pounding on hatch ]
[ Honking, horn blares ]
[ Meow! Bonk! ]
[ Man yodeling ]
[ Intercom static ]
Reese is my friend!
Rick:
He's not alive, Morty!
He's-- he's a program
that unlocks my computer
and dispenses clichés!
You better open
that hatch, Morty!
[ Switch clicks ]
Reese?
Ar-are you okay?
Whoa!
I'm a bit worried.
I mean, what happens
when Rick reels us in?
Guess I can drop
the folksy act.
No, I-I like it.
It's part of the charm.
Well, then where are
we casting off?
There's an old
landline portal down here.
Level 17.
W-we'll figure it out
from there.
Aye-aye, Captain!
Maybe a lighter touch.
[ Device powering up ]
Aah!
Neighbor: Ohh!!
The TV froze!
Now what do I think?!
[ Line ringing ]
Huge Clouds Metallurgy.
Rick: You guys
helped me build a lock.
That's right, we did.
Rick: I locked it
with the keys inside.
That is gonna take
some metallurgy.
You said it. How soon can
your technician get here?
Hmm. We need
remote system access.
Can do. One sec.
Hey, Jerry, call for you.
Yello--
ooughughuhglugughh!
Ho-ho-hoo-hoo!
Yeah, yeah, you're
a bipedal simian now,
in a gravity of 9.8 MPS.
Don't, don't get any ideas.
So much m-a-a-a-ass.
Sorry, sorry.
You said the lock was?
This is interesting.
We don't sell this model
double-bonded.
I know.
Did that a-ma-self.
[ Whistles ]
This is qu-a-a-ality work.
Oh, thanks.
Heh.
Of course,
it does void the warranty.
What?
I'll need access
to this whole thing.
Might have to
dig it all out.
Is there a place where I could
get tools and things?
For this?
A hardware store?
Yes
And you're
not just stalling
'cause you wanna
take this new body out
for a sensory
flight of fancy?
Noooo
Remember,
whole subbasement!
Dug out!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Should be
a straight shot to 17.
Just have to
c-cut, cut through
the prison level
[ Ominous music plays ]
Hey, those weapons
you used earlier to, uh,
kill that raccoon --
Destroy the intruder.
Destroy the intruder!
That's better.
Uh, can you use those
whenever?
Not really.
I mean, just on things
that threaten you,
the house, or Rick.
So you can destroy things
that are hurting me.
Yes.
Aw, geez.
[ Inhales deeply ]
Unh! Unh!
Unh! Unh!
[ Whirring ]
Threat nullified.
[ Groans ]
Here we go.
There should be no shortage
of threats in here.
Thank fucking God.
That was gonna suck.
Aw, I was fixing
to have me a hootenanny
like you wouldn't believe.
Revenge!!
Aah!
He grabbed your leg
and screamed "revenge."
No, no,
a-all that buildup,
I'm glad
something happened.
Morty I -- I don't actually know
what "hootenanny" means.
It's okay.
We're almost there.
[ Drill whirring ]
Where the fuck
is that guy?
Beth: D-a-a-ad?
Where's Jerry?!
Rick: That's exactly
what I'm wondering!
[ Cellphone vibrating ]
[ Humming ]
Hello?
That doesn't sound
like a hardware store.
Uh, it is!
[ Giggles ]
[ Laughing ]
[ Giggling ]
You let anyone do that?
He gave us
all the money he had.
[ Banging ]
Morty: Hunh! Hunh! Hunh!
Threat nullified.
Hey, how 's your head?
M-my vision's gettin'
pretty cloudy.
B-but even I can see, heh,
y-you're almost free, Reese!
[ Door creaks ]
Yes! We're getting you
out of here!
[ Engine starts ]
[ Portal device whirring,
modem buzzing ]
[ Ding! ]
Ohh, that looks nice.
Good.
Then that's your new home.
[ Portal hums ]
Wow.
Huh.
Expected a different
kind of catfish.
Uh, 'scuse me.
Is there still forest
around here?
Whassat?
Oh, no.
Not since the God
in the White Coat.
He gave our world the gift
of metal and computer science.
In return,
we run his holy silo.
The younger hogs
resent our duty.
Can't say I blame 'em.
If wages keep stagnatin',
maybe I'll do something worse!
Ha ha!
Oh, wow. Yeah,
that-th-that guy's my grandpa.
Th-this is Reese.
He, uh, he works for him, too.
The password man.
Oh, I may be
putting down roots here.
Please do!
Now, if y'all excuse me,
I'm needed at a high-tech
potato distillery.
Well,
w-w-we did it, Reese.
It's the first day
of the rest of your life.
Before today, I was
a two-factor authenticator
with a vague
Southern affect.
Now I can be
whatever I want.
Thank you, Morty.
Uh, y-y-you're welcome,
Reese.
Wade with the current.
I'll probably
do somethin' else.
Fishing's b-o-o-o-o-ring!
[ Footsteps approaching ]
Busy store.
Plus, I had to run
with these weird legs.
[ Humming, thunder crashes ]
There we go.
Bro, you made me dig
out the whole thing.
Oh! Hey, hey, Rick.
God damn it, Morty!
We just cracked the lock!
Now I have to pay
this guy his full rate!
I am very expensive.
Where's Reese?
Safe from you!
I took him through
the landline portal
and set him up with a new life
with his new hog friends.
Oh, no.
[ Machinery whirring ]
Rick Sanchez, we have
taken possession of
your password man.
Long live
the Hog Resistance!
Morty, you dumb idiot,
you think those vodka hogs
wouldn't fuck me over?
Th-the good-natured
rustic thing is just an act!
Their whole planet
runs on my tech, Morty!
Whoaaaa!
Wooooh!
Ooohahh! Ohh!
I'm gonna fuckin' barf!
Rick Sanchez, you will
no longer subjugate
our homeworld!
Fuck you!
-Go make my vodka!
-No!
We just got access
to your desktop
Deh? Ooh, are these
circles fucking?
They're making love!
IT guy, rip that computer out!
[ Gunfire ]
[ Screaming in the distance ]
Are Summer and Mom home?
F-u-u-u-u-uck!
Morty, grab on!
-Wh-o-o-o-oa!
-Aaaah!
[ Both grunting ]
Aah!
Why is the
furniture attacking us?
Rick's been hacked!
Because Morty assumed
that hogs in overalls
couldn't also be hackers!
Aah!
Um, Dad, you're losing
a lot of blood.
It's okay!
I can make more!
Badass.
♪♪
Stop replacing my stuff
with robots!
You never noticed
the difference!
Rick lies to everyone!
Doesn't that make
you wanna join the resistance?
Shit!
The floor is lava!
Did you put that in
for defense or for fun?
I don't remember!
Ooh-hoo-ho-hoo!
Ho-ho-ho!
You ever think about how
instead of wrapping yourself
in infinite
layers of defense
you could just
be nicer to people?
[ Cellphone ringing ]
Never once, Morty!
Hog Hacker: Rick Sanchez,
is your refrigerator running?
Because you better
go and catch it!
You owe me.
Wh-o-o-oa!
[ Laughing ]
Ooh-ugh-ah!
Whoa-ho-ho-ho!
Everyone, kill yourselves!
I'll help!
Huh?
[ Screaming, squelching ]
[ Jerry crying ]
Listen to this.
It's the ocean or something.
[ Whimpering ]
Ohh-ugh, uhh!
Thanks for
turning off the lava.
[ All grunting ]
You couldn't have
turned off everything?
Ohh!
[ Roars ]
Emergency shutoff in my room.
Run!
Oh-ho-ho!
Ooh!
Aaaah! Aaaaah! Unf!
I hate living here!
-Aaaaaaaaaah!
-Move!
Hit that shut-off quick.
It stinks in here.
Punching down.
[ Zap! ]
[ Electricity crackles ]
-See? All fixed.
-Awesome.
Th-thank goodness
you knocked out all that stuff.
Yep.
Nothing electronic left
that can be hacked
or turned against us.
Salud!
Ohh!
Aah!
The Liberation of Hog Planet
is at hand.
Prepare for your death,
Oppressor Sanchez.
Reese, no!
Run!
Whoa.
New look for Reese.
I don't like how many
adult friends Morty has.
Gyaah!
Rick,
use your implants!
What part of
"nothing electronic"
went over your head,
Morty?
Hit him with pipes!
[ Both grunting ]
It's not doing anything!
Whoa!
-Aah!
-Aah!
Oh!
Sorry I'm d-doing this,
R-Rick.
I think someone messed
with my h-h-head.
Reese, it's me!
Remember?
You told me it was normal
to have one pube longer
than the others?
Stop trying to override his
programming with love, Morty!
Well, hitting him with pipes
isn't working!
Ow!
You can't love something
out of hurting you!
Oh, you'd sure love
that to be true!
Fuck you, Morty!
-I hate you!
-I hate you!
-I hate you! I hate you!
-I hate you! I hate you!
I hate you! I hate you!
I hate you!
I hate you! I hate you!
I hate you!
I hate you! I hate you!
I hate you!
[ Electricity crackles ]
Unh!
Ahh.
Y-y-you know what, Rick?
You two may f-f-fight,
but you're the real d-d-deal.
[ Machinery whirring down ]
[ Armor clanking ]
Huh.
Probably
doesn't mean anything.
Yep.
[ Rumbling ]
Hey, Grandpa, did you turn
the yard into a giant sinkhole
when you dug out
the subbasement?
It's fine.
It's just some tunnels.
Are the tunnels
reinforced?
Don't overthink the tunnels.
I have a handle on the tunnels.
[ Vehicle beeping ]
How much longer
is he gonna be Dad for?
I like him.
Me too.
Summer just taught me
what "push-ups" are.
I did.
He's fuckin' nailing them.
-Mom?
-Oh. Uh, one more week?
-What?
-No, no, you're right.
It was good getting to know you,
"The Smiths."
Wait!
Morty, him leaving
was your idea.
Well,
I have another idea.
[ Breathes ]
[ Both scream ]
Ugh!!
Why do I taste rainbow wax?
Why do you know what
that tastes like?
[ Bones crack ]
Oh. Ah!
[ Grunting ]
How 's it feel?
Not as wet as the last guy,
but I'll fix that.
[ Grunting, lips smacking ]
I'm glad you're getting
to live on, Reese.
And getting a pretty sweet rig
out of the deal.
I hope you have
a good life out there.
I
I love you.
And I love how much matter
you're made of.
I'm leaving now, to do things
that are my business.
There is a place called Skyzone.
Do not visit me there.
[ Sighs ]
What, you gonna keep
sighing until I notice?
I'm just breathing.
He's alive, Morty.
You're welcome.
Gaaaah!
Fuckin' hogs.
Fuckin' Morty.
Cost me a flask.
[ Beep! ]
[ Explosions,
Hog-people screaming ]
[burps] Learned my lesson.
No more portal flasks.
Mmm, mmm!
Ahh.
Mmm, mmm.
Mmm.
Ahh.
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
[burps] Morty, I-I
can tell you're disgusted
[ Burps ]
but you're gonna be
just like me!
It's a disease, Morty!
A genetic disease!
It's already in you,
Morty!
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
[ Groaning ]
H-hey, buddy, y-you good?
F-u-u-uck you, Morty,
you little piece of shit.
You think you're better
than me, Morty?!
I'm gonna --
I'm gonna kill you!
I-I'll kill you!!
[ Knock on door ]
Hey, guys! I'm Rex.
I just moved in next door,
and I love "Minecraft"
and skateboarding!
-Unh!
-Aah!
[ Groaning ]
Aaah! Aah!
Wait- wait, he's- he's not--
[ Cellphone ringing ]
Georgie Boy!
M-Morty, w-would-- would
you believe my unrelated friend,
Georgie Boy,
wants to hang?
Howdy, fellas!
Georgie Boy!
Georgie Boy!
But -- Oh
Georgie Boy!
Georgie Boy!
Did you get any of that?
[ Groans ]
Ah, ugh.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
[ Urinating ]
Mmm!
[ Glass shatters ]
Oh. Oh, God.
[ Coughs ]
[ Burps loudly ]
[ Drunkenly muttering ]
[ Grunts ]
Oh, ugh.
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
[ Glass shatters ]
Ugh, this fuckin' thing.
This, uh, uhh, fuck.
Hokay.
[ Error dings ]
Come o-o-on!
Come on, man!
[ Error dings ]
Piece of fuckin' --
piece of shit!
[ Error dings ]
Aah! Aah!
Hnn, hnn, hnn, hnn, hnn!
[ Error dings ]
Lockdown initiated.
[ Machinery whirring ]
Mort-y-y-y!
Ohhh. Hey, pal.
W-what's up?
Oh, g-good --
good morning, Mor-- Morty.
Yeah. Sure thing.
You want breakfast?
Or dinner?
Are you humoring me,
Morty?
[ Sighs ]
No.
I only had a couple
of drinks, Morty!
S-so, w-what do you
need me for?
This fuckin' thing
locked me out!
Okay. Well,
whose fault is that?
Y-o-o-ours!
What?
Let! Me! In!
[ Electricity crackles ]
Owww!
Unh!
M-o-o-o-ort-y-y-y-y!
I mean, Rick, I don't really
know what I can do here.
Y-you don't give a shit
about grandpa, huh?
Is -- Is that it, Morty?
Y-you want me dead?
[ Sighs ]
Rick
Y-you won't inherit
anything from me, Morty.
Evil boy. Wicked boy.
[ Cellphone ringing ]
Okay.
You know what?
Hello? R-Rick S--
Rick Sanchez phone.
How'd -- How you
get this number?
Reese!
Reese?
Uh, y-you're in town?
Of course we can.
Of course I'm drunk.
L-let's, uh, see you soon!
Guess who that was!
It was Reese.
Y-you said --
You said it out loud!
Fucking Reese, Morty!
Mnhmnh,
who needs passwords, huh?
W-we need our minds
off of this shit, Morty.
We gotta hang out
with our pal Reese!
Rick, you just yelled at me,
and I don't even care.
I like Reese that much.
[burps] That's 'cause
he's the fuckin' best!
You got that right.
[ Downbeat rock music plays ]
♪♪
Reese! Reese! Reese!
Reese! Reese! Reese!
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
[ Electricity crackles ]
I love these trips, Reese.
H-hell, yeah!
Fly-fishing, babay!
[ Reel whirs ]
[ Snap! ]
Aww!
W-was that my fault?
D-did I
fuck that up?
M-dawg,
if they never got away,
what'd be the point
of catching 'em?
Man, that's some great --
great fly-fishing wisdom, Reese.
Really calming.
You gotta wade
with the current, dude.
You're the best.
[ Reel whirs ]
Awww, geez!
Hey, M-Morty.
Morty, Morty,
Morty, Morty!
Oh! Oh, God!
Rick!
[ Chuckles ]
Get outta here!
[ Laughing ]
[ Insects chirping ]
I know I packed
the special marshmallows.
One job.
I opened the cabinet,
I looked at them.
I know I looked at them!
One job!
You forgot them
on the last Reese trip.
Seems like a bad thing
to trust me with, then.
You gotta be more patient
with Morty, Rick.
Not everyone
can be a genius.
It's what you do with
what you got that counts.
Sorry, Morty.
I could take it easier on you.
I'm, uh -- I'm still wired
from catching all those fish.
Ha ha! Well, you'd find a way
to get high on anything.
Ain't that the truth?
[ All laughing ]
Rick: True.
You know, Rick,
you two may fight,
but you're the real deal.
[ Watch dings ]
Heh. Thanks, Reese.
[ Cellphone vibrates ]
Ah, man.
I hate to do this, guys,
but I got some work stuff
I still need to hit.
Might have to call it.
[burps] Sounds good to me.
I'm beat.
What? The --
The trip just started.
Sorry, champ, but the river's
not going anywhere.
Shake a leg, Morty.
Some of us got
responsibilities.
[ Bottles clattering ]
You could always just
move to Earth, Reese.
Rick's a god.
He could, like,
grow your job out of slime.
He could grow your
whole company out of slime.
It's a great idea, Morty.
I'll pitch it to my boss.
Bye, Reese.
Remember, wade with
the current, pal.
[ Machinery whirring ]
Theft detected.
Um, did -- did --
did you just
Threat nullified.
Shit.
Jesus fucking Christ!
Okay, so, Morty,
I know your instinct will be
to make a big deal
about this.
You'll be all,
"Betrayal! Betrayal!"
We've known him
for years!
S-so Reese takes us camping
whenever you get locked out?!
Oh, my God.
Am I your fucking password?
Ugh. It's more complex
than that.
But yes.
Our relationship is
unique in the multiverse.
Th-there.
Jerk off to it.
It's what
you always wanted.
We're unique,
and I depend on you.
Unh!
Whoa!
And you needed to gaslight me
with a cool fake friend
to verify that?!
Morty, how can you
be mad at this?
I created an awesome guy
we had a great time with.
I'm more sad about this
than you, Morty.
I liked Reese.
Reese was cool.
Now I gotta build
a new fuckin' Reese thing!
[ Grunting ]
Unh! Hunh!
Uhh! Unh!
Unh!
Aah!
[ Muffled screaming ]
[ Muffled screaming continues ]
Mm. Mm.
Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm.
[ Gulping loudly ]
Ahh. Oh.
[ Gulping continues ]
Ahh.
[ Sighs ]
What?
It's just, how is there
that much liquid in there?
Oh. Uh, this one is, uh --
it's a -- it's a portal thing.
Th-there's a big silo full
of vodka on this one planet.
These, uh, little hog-men
keep it full for me.
Okay.
I'm gonna go
[burps] empty it.
Ugh!
Rick?
That was fucked up, Rick.
But I can handle fucked up.
A-a-and now
that I know what Reese is,
w-we can, we can hang out
with him all the time, right?
Uh
Morty wha-whaa?
What the hell
are you doing to him?
Oh. I got, I gotta transfer over
some stuff-uh before disposal.
"Disposal"?!
Reese is a liability, Morty.
[ Device beeps ]
He's like a credit card.
If he's not in use,
he-e's gotta be shredded.
Chin up, Morty.
It's my bad for going all
Iron Giant in front of ya.
I don't want
you to die.
Hey, hey, hey,
I'm not dying
'cause I was never
really living.
[ Slurring ] He's got all
my passwords, Morty.
You can't just -- he's not
a guy, he's -- he's a wallet.
Nice wallet.
Aah! Morty!
[ Errors dinging ]
Lockdown initiated.
[ Machinery whirring ]
Morty, nooo!
Aah! Ooh! Ohh!
[ Groans ]
[ Pounding on hatch ]
[ Honking, horn blares ]
[ Meow! Bonk! ]
[ Man yodeling ]
[ Intercom static ]
Reese is my friend!
Rick:
He's not alive, Morty!
He's-- he's a program
that unlocks my computer
and dispenses clichés!
You better open
that hatch, Morty!
[ Switch clicks ]
Reese?
Ar-are you okay?
Whoa!
I'm a bit worried.
I mean, what happens
when Rick reels us in?
Guess I can drop
the folksy act.
No, I-I like it.
It's part of the charm.
Well, then where are
we casting off?
There's an old
landline portal down here.
Level 17.
W-we'll figure it out
from there.
Aye-aye, Captain!
Maybe a lighter touch.
[ Device powering up ]
Aah!
Neighbor: Ohh!!
The TV froze!
Now what do I think?!
[ Line ringing ]
Huge Clouds Metallurgy.
Rick: You guys
helped me build a lock.
That's right, we did.
Rick: I locked it
with the keys inside.
That is gonna take
some metallurgy.
You said it. How soon can
your technician get here?
Hmm. We need
remote system access.
Can do. One sec.
Hey, Jerry, call for you.
Yello--
ooughughuhglugughh!
Ho-ho-hoo-hoo!
Yeah, yeah, you're
a bipedal simian now,
in a gravity of 9.8 MPS.
Don't, don't get any ideas.
So much m-a-a-a-ass.
Sorry, sorry.
You said the lock was?
This is interesting.
We don't sell this model
double-bonded.
I know.
Did that a-ma-self.
[ Whistles ]
This is qu-a-a-ality work.
Oh, thanks.
Heh.
Of course,
it does void the warranty.
What?
I'll need access
to this whole thing.
Might have to
dig it all out.
Is there a place where I could
get tools and things?
For this?
A hardware store?
Yes
And you're
not just stalling
'cause you wanna
take this new body out
for a sensory
flight of fancy?
Noooo
Remember,
whole subbasement!
Dug out!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Should be
a straight shot to 17.
Just have to
c-cut, cut through
the prison level
[ Ominous music plays ]
Hey, those weapons
you used earlier to, uh,
kill that raccoon --
Destroy the intruder.
Destroy the intruder!
That's better.
Uh, can you use those
whenever?
Not really.
I mean, just on things
that threaten you,
the house, or Rick.
So you can destroy things
that are hurting me.
Yes.
Aw, geez.
[ Inhales deeply ]
Unh! Unh!
Unh! Unh!
[ Whirring ]
Threat nullified.
[ Groans ]
Here we go.
There should be no shortage
of threats in here.
Thank fucking God.
That was gonna suck.
Aw, I was fixing
to have me a hootenanny
like you wouldn't believe.
Revenge!!
Aah!
He grabbed your leg
and screamed "revenge."
No, no,
a-all that buildup,
I'm glad
something happened.
Morty I -- I don't actually know
what "hootenanny" means.
It's okay.
We're almost there.
[ Drill whirring ]
Where the fuck
is that guy?
Beth: D-a-a-ad?
Where's Jerry?!
Rick: That's exactly
what I'm wondering!
[ Cellphone vibrating ]
[ Humming ]
Hello?
That doesn't sound
like a hardware store.
Uh, it is!
[ Giggles ]
[ Laughing ]
[ Giggling ]
You let anyone do that?
He gave us
all the money he had.
[ Banging ]
Morty: Hunh! Hunh! Hunh!
Threat nullified.
Hey, how 's your head?
M-my vision's gettin'
pretty cloudy.
B-but even I can see, heh,
y-you're almost free, Reese!
[ Door creaks ]
Yes! We're getting you
out of here!
[ Engine starts ]
[ Portal device whirring,
modem buzzing ]
[ Ding! ]
Ohh, that looks nice.
Good.
Then that's your new home.
[ Portal hums ]
Wow.
Huh.
Expected a different
kind of catfish.
Uh, 'scuse me.
Is there still forest
around here?
Whassat?
Oh, no.
Not since the God
in the White Coat.
He gave our world the gift
of metal and computer science.
In return,
we run his holy silo.
The younger hogs
resent our duty.
Can't say I blame 'em.
If wages keep stagnatin',
maybe I'll do something worse!
Ha ha!
Oh, wow. Yeah,
that-th-that guy's my grandpa.
Th-this is Reese.
He, uh, he works for him, too.
The password man.
Oh, I may be
putting down roots here.
Please do!
Now, if y'all excuse me,
I'm needed at a high-tech
potato distillery.
Well,
w-w-we did it, Reese.
It's the first day
of the rest of your life.
Before today, I was
a two-factor authenticator
with a vague
Southern affect.
Now I can be
whatever I want.
Thank you, Morty.
Uh, y-y-you're welcome,
Reese.
Wade with the current.
I'll probably
do somethin' else.
Fishing's b-o-o-o-o-ring!
[ Footsteps approaching ]
Busy store.
Plus, I had to run
with these weird legs.
[ Humming, thunder crashes ]
There we go.
Bro, you made me dig
out the whole thing.
Oh! Hey, hey, Rick.
God damn it, Morty!
We just cracked the lock!
Now I have to pay
this guy his full rate!
I am very expensive.
Where's Reese?
Safe from you!
I took him through
the landline portal
and set him up with a new life
with his new hog friends.
Oh, no.
[ Machinery whirring ]
Rick Sanchez, we have
taken possession of
your password man.
Long live
the Hog Resistance!
Morty, you dumb idiot,
you think those vodka hogs
wouldn't fuck me over?
Th-the good-natured
rustic thing is just an act!
Their whole planet
runs on my tech, Morty!
Whoaaaa!
Wooooh!
Ooohahh! Ohh!
I'm gonna fuckin' barf!
Rick Sanchez, you will
no longer subjugate
our homeworld!
Fuck you!
-Go make my vodka!
-No!
We just got access
to your desktop
Deh? Ooh, are these
circles fucking?
They're making love!
IT guy, rip that computer out!
[ Gunfire ]
[ Screaming in the distance ]
Are Summer and Mom home?
F-u-u-u-u-uck!
Morty, grab on!
-Wh-o-o-o-oa!
-Aaaah!
[ Both grunting ]
Aah!
Why is the
furniture attacking us?
Rick's been hacked!
Because Morty assumed
that hogs in overalls
couldn't also be hackers!
Aah!
Um, Dad, you're losing
a lot of blood.
It's okay!
I can make more!
Badass.
♪♪
Stop replacing my stuff
with robots!
You never noticed
the difference!
Rick lies to everyone!
Doesn't that make
you wanna join the resistance?
Shit!
The floor is lava!
Did you put that in
for defense or for fun?
I don't remember!
Ooh-hoo-ho-hoo!
Ho-ho-ho!
You ever think about how
instead of wrapping yourself
in infinite
layers of defense
you could just
be nicer to people?
[ Cellphone ringing ]
Never once, Morty!
Hog Hacker: Rick Sanchez,
is your refrigerator running?
Because you better
go and catch it!
You owe me.
Wh-o-o-oa!
[ Laughing ]
Ooh-ugh-ah!
Whoa-ho-ho-ho!
Everyone, kill yourselves!
I'll help!
Huh?
[ Screaming, squelching ]
[ Jerry crying ]
Listen to this.
It's the ocean or something.
[ Whimpering ]
Ohh-ugh, uhh!
Thanks for
turning off the lava.
[ All grunting ]
You couldn't have
turned off everything?
Ohh!
[ Roars ]
Emergency shutoff in my room.
Run!
Oh-ho-ho!
Ooh!
Aaaah! Aaaaah! Unf!
I hate living here!
-Aaaaaaaaaah!
-Move!
Hit that shut-off quick.
It stinks in here.
Punching down.
[ Zap! ]
[ Electricity crackles ]
-See? All fixed.
-Awesome.
Th-thank goodness
you knocked out all that stuff.
Yep.
Nothing electronic left
that can be hacked
or turned against us.
Salud!
Ohh!
Aah!
The Liberation of Hog Planet
is at hand.
Prepare for your death,
Oppressor Sanchez.
Reese, no!
Run!
Whoa.
New look for Reese.
I don't like how many
adult friends Morty has.
Gyaah!
Rick,
use your implants!
What part of
"nothing electronic"
went over your head,
Morty?
Hit him with pipes!
[ Both grunting ]
It's not doing anything!
Whoa!
-Aah!
-Aah!
Oh!
Sorry I'm d-doing this,
R-Rick.
I think someone messed
with my h-h-head.
Reese, it's me!
Remember?
You told me it was normal
to have one pube longer
than the others?
Stop trying to override his
programming with love, Morty!
Well, hitting him with pipes
isn't working!
Ow!
You can't love something
out of hurting you!
Oh, you'd sure love
that to be true!
Fuck you, Morty!
-I hate you!
-I hate you!
-I hate you! I hate you!
-I hate you! I hate you!
I hate you! I hate you!
I hate you!
I hate you! I hate you!
I hate you!
I hate you! I hate you!
I hate you!
[ Electricity crackles ]
Unh!
Ahh.
Y-y-you know what, Rick?
You two may f-f-fight,
but you're the real d-d-deal.
[ Machinery whirring down ]
[ Armor clanking ]
Huh.
Probably
doesn't mean anything.
Yep.
[ Rumbling ]
Hey, Grandpa, did you turn
the yard into a giant sinkhole
when you dug out
the subbasement?
It's fine.
It's just some tunnels.
Are the tunnels
reinforced?
Don't overthink the tunnels.
I have a handle on the tunnels.
[ Vehicle beeping ]
How much longer
is he gonna be Dad for?
I like him.
Me too.
Summer just taught me
what "push-ups" are.
I did.
He's fuckin' nailing them.
-Mom?
-Oh. Uh, one more week?
-What?
-No, no, you're right.
It was good getting to know you,
"The Smiths."
Wait!
Morty, him leaving
was your idea.
Well,
I have another idea.
[ Breathes ]
[ Both scream ]
Ugh!!
Why do I taste rainbow wax?
Why do you know what
that tastes like?
[ Bones crack ]
Oh. Ah!
[ Grunting ]
How 's it feel?
Not as wet as the last guy,
but I'll fix that.
[ Grunting, lips smacking ]
I'm glad you're getting
to live on, Reese.
And getting a pretty sweet rig
out of the deal.
I hope you have
a good life out there.
I
I love you.
And I love how much matter
you're made of.
I'm leaving now, to do things
that are my business.
There is a place called Skyzone.
Do not visit me there.
[ Sighs ]
What, you gonna keep
sighing until I notice?
I'm just breathing.
He's alive, Morty.
You're welcome.
Gaaaah!
Fuckin' hogs.
Fuckin' Morty.
Cost me a flask.
[ Beep! ]
[ Explosions,
Hog-people screaming ]
[burps] Learned my lesson.
No more portal flasks.
Mmm, mmm!
Ahh.
Mmm, mmm.
Mmm.
Ahh.
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
[burps] Morty, I-I
can tell you're disgusted
[ Burps ]
but you're gonna be
just like me!
It's a disease, Morty!
A genetic disease!
It's already in you,
Morty!
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
[ Groaning ]
H-hey, buddy, y-you good?
F-u-u-uck you, Morty,
you little piece of shit.
You think you're better
than me, Morty?!
I'm gonna --
I'm gonna kill you!
I-I'll kill you!!
[ Knock on door ]
Hey, guys! I'm Rex.
I just moved in next door,
and I love "Minecraft"
and skateboarding!
-Unh!
-Aah!
[ Groaning ]
Aaah! Aah!
Wait- wait, he's- he's not--
[ Cellphone ringing ]
Georgie Boy!
M-Morty, w-would-- would
you believe my unrelated friend,
Georgie Boy,
wants to hang?
Howdy, fellas!
Georgie Boy!
Georgie Boy!
But -- Oh
Georgie Boy!
Georgie Boy!
Did you get any of that?