Rick and Morty (2013) s09e06 Episode Script
Erickerhead
[ Gulping loudly ]
Ahh!
What?
Nothing.
Just waiting
for you to finish.
[ Belches ]
The fuck you talking about?
It's all you can eat here!
Dig in!
You said we were going
somewhere awesome!
We did. [ Belches ]
Here.
And we're still here.
C-Can't you guys see this
for what it is --
bottomless pitchers
of alien beer in a garden --
a beer garden!
No genocide within
hearing distance.
[ Glass shatters ]
I mean, t-this is, to quote
a movie I will never watch,
"As good as it gets."
It is?
That'ssad.
[ Choking ]
Oh, my God. Whatever you have to
say is not this time-sensitive.
I can't believe you're making
me pause to talk this much.
You guys,
this is where sentience peaks.
This is not being chased
and not chasing.
This is, uh, what
spiritual types call --
I-I don't know,
Vishnu's titty.
L-Latch on and gobble up.
Was that ad targeting Morty?
It didn't land over here.
[ Mouth full ]
We're happy you're happy,
I guess.
So much --
[ Belches ]
So much yeast.
Yeah.
Everything you ate
is designed to expand.
[ Belches ]
Good point, Sum-Sum.
L-Let's get grandpa.
new tum tum.
Not quite
what I was pitching.
Did we --
We -- We drove here, right?
Yeah.
Rick gave you his keys.
[ To tune of "Moon River" ]
New stomach ♪
Stomach that is new ♪
No, Grandpa,
we're not portaling -- Keys!
I'm looking! I'm looking!
[ Belches ]
Grandpa, slow down.
Why -- Why do we even bother
driving anywhere?
[ Belching ]
Hurry up, Morty.
No, Rick,
get back over here!
Or what?
What?!
Or what?
W-What are you gonna do
if I don't do what you say?
Travel Hitler?
I'm -- I'm the smartest
living thing
[belches]
in the carbon-based unisphere.
What's gonna happen to me
if I refuse to --
[ Both screaming ]
[ Theme music plays ]
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
So this place sells
any body part?
I'd love to have
thinner ankles.
Oh, G--
[ Screaming ] God!
[ Gasping ]
Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck
oh fuck oh fuck.
Of all the stupid
Dicks.
Body AI:
Tampering detected.
Dramatic.
I barely touched you.
Initiating self-destruct.
What?!
This body has -- seven --
nuclear devices.
Please retreat
to range of -- 14 miles.
Bitch, they can't make me run
one mile.
[ Beeping ]
Fuck!
[ Beeping continues ]
Morty:
This is not my fault!
How do I disable
self-destruct?
S-She needs help
with self-destruct.
Hey! No tampering!
Summer:
Tell me what to do.
[ Groans ]
Flip me over, back panel,
password Mortysuxx
with two X's.
[ Beeping continues ]
Body AI: Tear ducts -- on.
No. Ow!
Time zone -- Mountain Time.
No!
Self-destruct --
Oh, my God.
Paused.
Phew.
Don't relax yet.
You're in the wrong place
to be toting that thing around.
Summer: Duh.
It looks like I murdered a guy.
Rick's Head: Oh, that's fine.
They see a lot of murder,
actually.
The cops have really given up
down there.
What?!
Hey, you turned off
self-destruct, not me.
G-Give Morty the phone! Morty!
Morty, no!
Summer: How is Rick's head
even alive?
He's got little,
inflatable neck bags.
What do we do here, sis?
I checked.
I don't have the keys.
No, that's my bad.
They were in his lab coat.
Morty: God damn it!
Portal guns fried, too.
We might actually be fucked
here.
Rick's Head: She's on
the same planet. We're fine.
Summer: Grandpa, be helpful.
I am. Get to my guy Seb's
and sit tight.
I'll have Morty drop a pin.
Morty, hang up
so you can drop a pin.
Summer: [ Groans ]
Whoo! I am back!
Wow! Beheading
really sobers you up. Hmm.
Maybe -- Maybe lost a little
too much air
on that "hoo" just now.
Pick me up.
We gotta fix this ticking clock.
[ Beeping ]
[ Sighs ] This is gonna gargle
total balls.
Let's see
what other settings you have.
[ Air horn blowing,
electricity crackling ]
Oh!
[ Grunting ]
[ Electricity crackles ]
Aah!
[ All scream ]
[ Grunts ]
[ Horn honks ]
Whoa! Check out that body.
Girl ain't bad either.
Don't be gross.
Come on.
Let's kill her and steal it.
[ Breathing heavily ]
Need help with this unit, miss?
[ Grunts ] Back off!
Hey!
Oh, was this yours?
Get away from my grandpa!
[ Grunts ]
Goon:
Give us that body!
[ All scream ]
[ Leg cocks ]
[ Grunts ]
[ Blade shings ]
[ All grunting ]
[ Screams, grunts ]
[ Grunts ]
Aah!
Sunblock?
This body's a gold mine!
Aah!
[ Grunts ]
Whoa!
What a great demo
of its capabilities!
Oh, god damn it.
Transport setting, transport
setting, transport setting.
Yes!
[ Tires screeching ]
[ All scream ]
Why are we at a hospital?
Wait. We better not be here
to raid the medicine cabinet.
With me and what liver, Morty?
Hey! No, no!
I decide when I have spittle!
[ Grunting ]
Ah. This is the one
they mentioned.
Is healthcare always
this slow?
I could fix healthcare.
I'm thinking of fixes right now.
Little boy, do you understand
those papers you signed?
You really consent to this?
Why? What's wrong?
You signed up
for ahead-ectomy.
Is thatbad?
[ Whispering indistinctly ]
You were gonna become my head!
Not anymore!
The police
have been notified, son.
Well, hang on!
I-I don't want the surgery,
but I-I also don't want --
Stay right here.
And thanks for nothing,
Morty.
Now we're in trouble.
Are you insane?!
We just need to get to Summer!
Look at that nosy,
interloping shit.
I-I bet he called
weird hospital security.
Oh, fuck, he called
weird hospital security!
Morty, out the window!
Morty, out the window now!
[ All grunt ]
The window, Morty!
The window!
Stop them!
Taxi!
Hey!
Morty!
Ow!
Drive!
[ Engine whooshes ]
You're the worst grandpa ever!
I'm not your grandpa, Morty.
I'm your grandpa's head.
What's the difference?
I didn't know there was one.
B-But it's only been
an hour
and let me tell you,
it is crazy having no dick.
Gross!
The opposite of gross.
Total clarity.
[ Groans ]
M-My bags are sagging.
We did not fix that clock
at all.
You got to upgrade me soon,
Morty.
Otherwise, I'll just die.
Then you and Summer
will be extra fucked.
Newscaster: Breaking news --
A severed head has kidnapped
a small child.
Authorities are on high alert.
And to be clear,
there is a reward.
A fat reward.
[ All grunts ]
We didn't have money anyway.
Where to?
I don't know!
I can't see shit from down here!
Aah!
Oh, God!
No brakes, no brakes, no brakes!
[ Screams ]
[ Crashes ]
[ Grunting ]
[ Wheezing ]
Are you Seb?
My Grandpa Rick sent me.
He said we could lay low here.
He got his head chopped off.
His head's still alive,
I guess.
I don't know why
I'm telling you all this.
It's cool.
We're best friends.
Oh. You're not
the stomach guy?
Rick comes to me
for lots of stuff.
But y-yes. It's, uh,
usually stomach-forward.
Sorry, I didn't mean it
however you're taking it.
Does Rick hang
with other mechanics?
I don't know.
This neighborhood is terrifying.
Do you have anything
to make this thing less useless?
Mm. Not sure
the "stomach guy" --
Bro, your skin's metal.
It can't be that thin.
[ Grunts ]
[ Whirs, electricity crackling ]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Aah!
Body, no!
Easy, fella.
Ea-a-a-a-sy.
It's okay, it's okay.
You can't see
or hear me right now, can you?
D-Do you have anything
that can, you know
Oh!
[ Beeping to tune of
"William Tell Overture" ]
Sonar, infrared --
everything you simians need.
How you feel, pal?
[ Siren wailing ]
[ Cellphone ringing ]
Summer: Alright.
I'm chilling at Seb's.
What's your status?
Occupied!
I need an air filter and weapons
or Morty will have killed me --
Ow!
Okay, d-does this work,
like an electronics store?
Yes! Fine! Go!
Hurry, please.
This neighborhood
smells like gasoline,
which I liked at first,
but now feel sick from.
Rick,
we still don't have money!
To be a problem solver,
Morty.
Got to use your head!
[ Crashes ]
Randall: Aah!
This is a stickup!
Aah!
There you go, Morty!
I'm proud of you.
Give, uh --
Give us a bunch of, uh, uh --
a bunch of loose technology!
Who are you?
Shit.
It's that boy and the head!
From the news!
What?
You got to live more
in the world, Randall!
Threaten them!
I have lasers in my eyes!
Both: Oh!
Give me computer chips!
Uh, sorry, just checking.
[ Chuckles nervously ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Shop bell rings ]
Seb, we still laying low?
Shit.
Seb says
he's got a hot new bod.
And I don't mean
from working out.
Did you literally
just sell us out in the time
between leaving this room
and coming back?
You know how much
this thing is worth?
This is Rick Sanchez's body!
Boo.
Also, yeah,
my feelings are hurt.
You think you know a guy.
He does hang out
with other mechanics!
There's a hot, smart one
named Rachel he likes.
Aah!
Get them!
If Morty's had an easy day
today, I swear to fucking God.
Goon: Oh!
Whoa, Body!
I guess you do
keep the score!
[ Violin plays ]
[ Bell chimes ]
Smooth. That will work.
[ Squelching ]
[ Gasps ]
Crazy Randy: Reavers!
[ All scream ]
Did we just get on a train
that took us back
to where we started?
[ Bell chimes ]
I guess it'd make sense
if you have
no sense of direction.
Get them!
[ Chainsaw whirring ]
[ Dramatic music plays ]
Aah!
Ooh! [ Groans ]
[ Groans ]
[ Grunts ]
[ Grunting ]
[ Gasps, groans ]
[ All grunting ]
♪♪
Body!
[ Grunts ]
[ Thudding ]
♪♪
[ Grunts ]
You can't run.
[ Gasps ]
My men will never give up.
If one falls,
more will rise in their place!
Get them!
I mean,
they kind of kicked our ass
when we had a bunch more guys.
You know what?
You're a bad leader.
You can have him.
We are quiet-quitting!
Guys!
That's just normal quitting!
Welp, I've come this far.
[ Electricity crackling ]
[ Grunting ]
Wait! [ Gasps ]
[ Choking ]
[ Gasps ]
[ Breathing heavily ]
Huh?
Wow.
I-I don't know what to say.
[ Gasps ]
Whoa.
Very different
from Rick's usual M.O.
Does hugging people
really disarm them like that?
Whoa!
[ Siren wails ]
[ Chomping loudly ]
[ Belches ]
[ Cellphone ringing ]
Hello?
Summer: Seb sold us out.
We need a new rendezvous point.
Yeah, that's why I only use him
for stomachs.
Why do you sound strange?
Rick ate the phone.
It's inside him now.
Just meet us at the spaceport,
i-if we survive this.
Morty and I are very vulnerable
to bullets right now.
Hold on.
The cops are on line two.
Cop:
Hello. We've run the numbers.
Your hostages are expendable.
Both: Oh, God!
Eat me, Pig!
I'm upgraded enough, Morty.
Aim me!
No! No killing people!
I'm drawing a line!
Fine.
You mean it?
You won't cackle with battle
rage and explode the city?
I'm all brain right now, Morty,
You can't get battle lust
as a brain.
Oh! Okay.
[ Warbles ]
Oh!
[ Screaming ]
[ Screams ]
My knees!
This is great.
Our adventures can get
so much less violent.
The show can be cerebral, Morty.
[ Laughs ] I don't hate that.
[ Cops scream ]
[ Cops groaning ]
Grab more parts.
Everyone's alive.
I'm a head of my word, Morty.
Check this out.
[ Beeping ]
[ Cellphone rings ]
Hello?
A mistake?! Wow!
Talk about
a departmental scandal.
False alarm, guys.
I guess
it's a different kid and head.
Oh, man!
Cop: How embarrassing.
Just killed our GTA rating.
How about that, Morty?
No outstanding warrants.
You like that?
I do like that.
Yeah, j-just bought us tickets
to the spaceport, too.
First class.
Money's made up, Morty.
It's not real!
I can pay for whatever
our family needs!
Everyone said "Tenet" was bad.
It's amazing!
W-Wipe my tears, Morty.
I haven't watched a full movie
in decades.
Not having to pee is incredible.
Anything to drink
before we land?
None for me, thanks.
Wow!
Well, if there needs to be
a creepy alcoholic?
Down, Morty.
Looks like their flight's
on time.
What's this?
"Hello, Summer.
This is Rick's body."
Well, obviously.
Sorry, sorry.
"I overthink.
My head gets in the way
of telling you I love you,
but I'm all heart right now,
so you're amazing.
Take a gap year in Europe.
Believe in yourself.
Your parents are stupid."
[ Sniffles ]
Dumb body.
[ Uplifting music plays ]
♪♪
There they are.
Well, bye, Rick's head.
It was fun getting to carry you
around like this.
It was nice putting
our heads together, Morty.
A-plus team up.
[ Laughs ]
♪♪
You piece of shit!
I'm never going back!
You can't make me!
Aah!
[ Jets whoosh ]
[ All scream ]
[ Man screams ]
I guess
I guess each one is so happy
on their own, they --
Want to kill the other
so they never go back.
Yeah.
You guys had a great day, too,
huh?
The best.
Shit.
What the hell, Summer?!
You spent a couple hours
with Rick's body
and now it wants to kill
his brain?
Rick's head
treats his body like shit.
I can't believe
you gave it weapons.
Obviously, Rick's brain
wouldn't want to die.
Me?!
Y-You let his body get
a little robot head thing!
You got played as bad
as I did!
Rick's Head: Morty --
Shh!
Morty, stop calling.
Everything's fine.
Just where are you?
Are you still trying
to kill each other?
It's all good, Morty.
Seriously, I'll meet you back
at home.
Just gonna get a new body
real quick.
Oh?
Yeah, me and my old body --
You know,
we don't need to beef.
We just go our separate ways,
baby. New lives!
Grandpa Rick,
you're not yourself.
Is that Summer?!
She's a fucking body loyalist.
Take me off speaker.
You know what?
Rick, wait!
We're pretty boned.
You wanna tell mom
we lost Grandpa?
Maybe
they'll eventually realize
they both need each other?
[ Groans ] I hear Rick
mocking me as I say it.
He'll be so pissed
if this is how he dies.
[ Dramatic music plays ]
♪♪
Rachel?
[ Sighs ] Hello?
Shop's closed.
Ugh! Rick?!
Rachel!
I've just got this cool task
I thought we might jam on.
I-I need a special body.
No lust, no alcoholism.
Just 100%
Oh. Uh --
Wait. What?!
So there was something here?!
I thought if I made a move,
I'd destroy the friendship.
Yeah, well,
keep thinking, buddy.
We could have had 10 years
of canonical
will-they/won't-they!
Yeah. To be clear,
it does ruin everything.
I had an orgasm.
It was incredible.
It was?!
And now it's over.
Honestly, I kind of need
both of you to leave.
You disgusting, giant-schlonged
friendship ruiner!
[ Grunts ]
Hey! Don't bust up my place!
Come on!
[ Grunts ]
Hi, Morty.
I'm calling because --
Yeah, they were here.
Yeah, both of them.
Gone now.
Semi-related to that,
I need you to delete my number.
Rick's Head: You horny idiot!
You always fuck
everything up
drinking,
sullying relationships,
eating late-night desserts!
But now I'm gonna be free
of you forever.
Uh -- Okay.
I-I assume
you're pantomiming
that you're gonna be free
of me forever.
What a retort. How clever.
[ Dramatic music plays ]
[ Grunting ]
Aah! [ Grunts ]
[ Blade shings ]
[ Slow-motion scream ]
Aah!
[ Blade clanging ]
♪♪
[ Slurring ] You little bitch!
[ Screaming ]
[ Warbling ]
Huh. That would have really
laid you out if you had ears.
Shit, shit, shit, shit.
[ Blows air ]
♪♪
Ha ha! Yeah!
Mind over matter!
♪♪
Aah! Fuck you!
[ Laughing maniacally ]
Morty: Head, stop!
Body, no!
♪♪
Maybe we need to get closer?
I'm so proud
of that dumb body.
Just this morning,
I used it as a scooter.
[ Both scream ]
[ Metal creaking ]
[ Laughing maniacally ]
♪♪
You're mine now, bitch!
Not mine literally.
I'm gonna kill you.
I don't want you back.
♪♪
Oh, shit.
♪♪
♪♪
[ Metal creaking ]
Damn it! Wait!
Aah!
[ Groaning ]
Oh! Oh, shit.
Listen! I'm sorry, okay?!
I-I'll be good, I promise!
No more benders,
uh, no more all you can eat.
Uh, no more weird, little
stick n poke tattoos
I give myself when I'm drunk.
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa!
Head!
Body, no!
He's -- He's our grandpa!
Y-You are, too!
You guys are both victims
because you're both selfish.
Think of each other.
[ Groans ]
Okay,
hang on, hang on, hang on!
One more thing, one more thing!
How about this?
[ Speaking indistinctly ]
What -- What do you think
they're saying?
I don't know.
Why is it whispering?
Must be a compelling argument.
[ Metal creaks ]
Oh, God.
[ Electricity crackling ]
Should we check in?
I'm just glad
they're hashing it out.
Rick?!
You're back!
Oh. [ Laughs ] Hey, kids.
Uh, yeah, I, uh
Uh, we, uh
agreed to become one Rick again.
How about that?
Abrupt.
Anyways, can't thank you
both enough for today.
Really appreciate
you two helping out.
Let's get to the car.
Did you just suck
your own dick in there?
Whoa!
No, I didn't!
W-Why would you guess that?
Why would you do that?!
I didn't!
Oh, my God! You totally did!
Damn, body. Get it.
T-That is not what I was doing,
and I was --
I will not explain
what it actually was.
Uh-huh.
Sure thing, ho.
Can we leave the collapsing
refinery destroyed?
[ Metal creaking ]
Hi, Mom?
Yeah. We found him.
Oh!
What a Tuesday, huh?
I just hope you learn
to treat yourself better.
Me too.
"Me too"?
You control whether
you learn something or not.
No, no. I do.
And I did.
And I know this sounds like
classic morning-after,
dumping-coke talk,
but I think I've turned
a new leaf here.
My mind and body
are out of sync.
Each blames the other
for my bullshit.
So I'll do something healthy
for all of us.
No, you won't.
No, you won't.
[ Screaming ]
Rise and shine, motherfucker!
It's time to train!
Summer, too!
Summer's training, too!
[ Groans ]
[ Laughs maniacally ]
Rick, get out of my room!
[ Both groan ]
That experience changed me, man.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
I didn't see
what I was doing to myself.
[ Groaning ]
Did you think
he'd commit this much?
No!
Why are we even doing this?!
[ Crowd cheering ]
[ Fanfare plays ]
Summer: Come on,
you son of a bitch! Swim!
Morty: Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Go, go, go, go!
Swimmer: Come on, come on!
Yeah!
Both: Yes!
Whoo!
Rick: Yeah!
[ Laughs ]
How about that, huh?
Medaling at the Olympics.
I'm so tired.
Ah!
No more. Please.
See?
You just needed to learn
how unsatisfying it is to work
really hard for something.
Is that the takeaway?
I feel bad. I can't remember
this guy's name.
What do you guys
want to do now?
♪♪
[ All chomping loudly ]
Oh!
I knew you'd come around.
It's nice to be off that diet.
Time to ride Vishnu's titty!
I guess you're only supposed
to bite your metal if it's gold.
The bronze hurt my teeth.
[ Theme music plays ]
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
You got all that?
You got it, chief.
See you, pal.
Oh, one more thing.
The downstairs fridge --
Tell Summer to do something
about that stank.
Uh, Rick --
It's mold or something.
I'm not --
I'm not looking into it.
Oh! Aah!
Eh?!
Jesus! Asshole!
[ Whimsical music plays ]
Eh?!
You fucking scared me!
You hear that music, Morty?
Warner wouldn't let us use
the real music.
Th-th-th-th-that's all, folks!
Man: Did you get any of that?
Ahh!
What?
Nothing.
Just waiting
for you to finish.
[ Belches ]
The fuck you talking about?
It's all you can eat here!
Dig in!
You said we were going
somewhere awesome!
We did. [ Belches ]
Here.
And we're still here.
C-Can't you guys see this
for what it is --
bottomless pitchers
of alien beer in a garden --
a beer garden!
No genocide within
hearing distance.
[ Glass shatters ]
I mean, t-this is, to quote
a movie I will never watch,
"As good as it gets."
It is?
That'ssad.
[ Choking ]
Oh, my God. Whatever you have to
say is not this time-sensitive.
I can't believe you're making
me pause to talk this much.
You guys,
this is where sentience peaks.
This is not being chased
and not chasing.
This is, uh, what
spiritual types call --
I-I don't know,
Vishnu's titty.
L-Latch on and gobble up.
Was that ad targeting Morty?
It didn't land over here.
[ Mouth full ]
We're happy you're happy,
I guess.
So much --
[ Belches ]
So much yeast.
Yeah.
Everything you ate
is designed to expand.
[ Belches ]
Good point, Sum-Sum.
L-Let's get grandpa.
new tum tum.
Not quite
what I was pitching.
Did we --
We -- We drove here, right?
Yeah.
Rick gave you his keys.
[ To tune of "Moon River" ]
New stomach ♪
Stomach that is new ♪
No, Grandpa,
we're not portaling -- Keys!
I'm looking! I'm looking!
[ Belches ]
Grandpa, slow down.
Why -- Why do we even bother
driving anywhere?
[ Belching ]
Hurry up, Morty.
No, Rick,
get back over here!
Or what?
What?!
Or what?
W-What are you gonna do
if I don't do what you say?
Travel Hitler?
I'm -- I'm the smartest
living thing
[belches]
in the carbon-based unisphere.
What's gonna happen to me
if I refuse to --
[ Both screaming ]
[ Theme music plays ]
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
So this place sells
any body part?
I'd love to have
thinner ankles.
Oh, G--
[ Screaming ] God!
[ Gasping ]
Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck
oh fuck oh fuck.
Of all the stupid
Dicks.
Body AI:
Tampering detected.
Dramatic.
I barely touched you.
Initiating self-destruct.
What?!
This body has -- seven --
nuclear devices.
Please retreat
to range of -- 14 miles.
Bitch, they can't make me run
one mile.
[ Beeping ]
Fuck!
[ Beeping continues ]
Morty:
This is not my fault!
How do I disable
self-destruct?
S-She needs help
with self-destruct.
Hey! No tampering!
Summer:
Tell me what to do.
[ Groans ]
Flip me over, back panel,
password Mortysuxx
with two X's.
[ Beeping continues ]
Body AI: Tear ducts -- on.
No. Ow!
Time zone -- Mountain Time.
No!
Self-destruct --
Oh, my God.
Paused.
Phew.
Don't relax yet.
You're in the wrong place
to be toting that thing around.
Summer: Duh.
It looks like I murdered a guy.
Rick's Head: Oh, that's fine.
They see a lot of murder,
actually.
The cops have really given up
down there.
What?!
Hey, you turned off
self-destruct, not me.
G-Give Morty the phone! Morty!
Morty, no!
Summer: How is Rick's head
even alive?
He's got little,
inflatable neck bags.
What do we do here, sis?
I checked.
I don't have the keys.
No, that's my bad.
They were in his lab coat.
Morty: God damn it!
Portal guns fried, too.
We might actually be fucked
here.
Rick's Head: She's on
the same planet. We're fine.
Summer: Grandpa, be helpful.
I am. Get to my guy Seb's
and sit tight.
I'll have Morty drop a pin.
Morty, hang up
so you can drop a pin.
Summer: [ Groans ]
Whoo! I am back!
Wow! Beheading
really sobers you up. Hmm.
Maybe -- Maybe lost a little
too much air
on that "hoo" just now.
Pick me up.
We gotta fix this ticking clock.
[ Beeping ]
[ Sighs ] This is gonna gargle
total balls.
Let's see
what other settings you have.
[ Air horn blowing,
electricity crackling ]
Oh!
[ Grunting ]
[ Electricity crackles ]
Aah!
[ All scream ]
[ Grunts ]
[ Horn honks ]
Whoa! Check out that body.
Girl ain't bad either.
Don't be gross.
Come on.
Let's kill her and steal it.
[ Breathing heavily ]
Need help with this unit, miss?
[ Grunts ] Back off!
Hey!
Oh, was this yours?
Get away from my grandpa!
[ Grunts ]
Goon:
Give us that body!
[ All scream ]
[ Leg cocks ]
[ Grunts ]
[ Blade shings ]
[ All grunting ]
[ Screams, grunts ]
[ Grunts ]
Aah!
Sunblock?
This body's a gold mine!
Aah!
[ Grunts ]
Whoa!
What a great demo
of its capabilities!
Oh, god damn it.
Transport setting, transport
setting, transport setting.
Yes!
[ Tires screeching ]
[ All scream ]
Why are we at a hospital?
Wait. We better not be here
to raid the medicine cabinet.
With me and what liver, Morty?
Hey! No, no!
I decide when I have spittle!
[ Grunting ]
Ah. This is the one
they mentioned.
Is healthcare always
this slow?
I could fix healthcare.
I'm thinking of fixes right now.
Little boy, do you understand
those papers you signed?
You really consent to this?
Why? What's wrong?
You signed up
for ahead-ectomy.
Is thatbad?
[ Whispering indistinctly ]
You were gonna become my head!
Not anymore!
The police
have been notified, son.
Well, hang on!
I-I don't want the surgery,
but I-I also don't want --
Stay right here.
And thanks for nothing,
Morty.
Now we're in trouble.
Are you insane?!
We just need to get to Summer!
Look at that nosy,
interloping shit.
I-I bet he called
weird hospital security.
Oh, fuck, he called
weird hospital security!
Morty, out the window!
Morty, out the window now!
[ All grunt ]
The window, Morty!
The window!
Stop them!
Taxi!
Hey!
Morty!
Ow!
Drive!
[ Engine whooshes ]
You're the worst grandpa ever!
I'm not your grandpa, Morty.
I'm your grandpa's head.
What's the difference?
I didn't know there was one.
B-But it's only been
an hour
and let me tell you,
it is crazy having no dick.
Gross!
The opposite of gross.
Total clarity.
[ Groans ]
M-My bags are sagging.
We did not fix that clock
at all.
You got to upgrade me soon,
Morty.
Otherwise, I'll just die.
Then you and Summer
will be extra fucked.
Newscaster: Breaking news --
A severed head has kidnapped
a small child.
Authorities are on high alert.
And to be clear,
there is a reward.
A fat reward.
[ All grunts ]
We didn't have money anyway.
Where to?
I don't know!
I can't see shit from down here!
Aah!
Oh, God!
No brakes, no brakes, no brakes!
[ Screams ]
[ Crashes ]
[ Grunting ]
[ Wheezing ]
Are you Seb?
My Grandpa Rick sent me.
He said we could lay low here.
He got his head chopped off.
His head's still alive,
I guess.
I don't know why
I'm telling you all this.
It's cool.
We're best friends.
Oh. You're not
the stomach guy?
Rick comes to me
for lots of stuff.
But y-yes. It's, uh,
usually stomach-forward.
Sorry, I didn't mean it
however you're taking it.
Does Rick hang
with other mechanics?
I don't know.
This neighborhood is terrifying.
Do you have anything
to make this thing less useless?
Mm. Not sure
the "stomach guy" --
Bro, your skin's metal.
It can't be that thin.
[ Grunts ]
[ Whirs, electricity crackling ]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Aah!
Body, no!
Easy, fella.
Ea-a-a-a-sy.
It's okay, it's okay.
You can't see
or hear me right now, can you?
D-Do you have anything
that can, you know
Oh!
[ Beeping to tune of
"William Tell Overture" ]
Sonar, infrared --
everything you simians need.
How you feel, pal?
[ Siren wailing ]
[ Cellphone ringing ]
Summer: Alright.
I'm chilling at Seb's.
What's your status?
Occupied!
I need an air filter and weapons
or Morty will have killed me --
Ow!
Okay, d-does this work,
like an electronics store?
Yes! Fine! Go!
Hurry, please.
This neighborhood
smells like gasoline,
which I liked at first,
but now feel sick from.
Rick,
we still don't have money!
To be a problem solver,
Morty.
Got to use your head!
[ Crashes ]
Randall: Aah!
This is a stickup!
Aah!
There you go, Morty!
I'm proud of you.
Give, uh --
Give us a bunch of, uh, uh --
a bunch of loose technology!
Who are you?
Shit.
It's that boy and the head!
From the news!
What?
You got to live more
in the world, Randall!
Threaten them!
I have lasers in my eyes!
Both: Oh!
Give me computer chips!
Uh, sorry, just checking.
[ Chuckles nervously ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Shop bell rings ]
Seb, we still laying low?
Shit.
Seb says
he's got a hot new bod.
And I don't mean
from working out.
Did you literally
just sell us out in the time
between leaving this room
and coming back?
You know how much
this thing is worth?
This is Rick Sanchez's body!
Boo.
Also, yeah,
my feelings are hurt.
You think you know a guy.
He does hang out
with other mechanics!
There's a hot, smart one
named Rachel he likes.
Aah!
Get them!
If Morty's had an easy day
today, I swear to fucking God.
Goon: Oh!
Whoa, Body!
I guess you do
keep the score!
[ Violin plays ]
[ Bell chimes ]
Smooth. That will work.
[ Squelching ]
[ Gasps ]
Crazy Randy: Reavers!
[ All scream ]
Did we just get on a train
that took us back
to where we started?
[ Bell chimes ]
I guess it'd make sense
if you have
no sense of direction.
Get them!
[ Chainsaw whirring ]
[ Dramatic music plays ]
Aah!
Ooh! [ Groans ]
[ Groans ]
[ Grunts ]
[ Grunting ]
[ Gasps, groans ]
[ All grunting ]
♪♪
Body!
[ Grunts ]
[ Thudding ]
♪♪
[ Grunts ]
You can't run.
[ Gasps ]
My men will never give up.
If one falls,
more will rise in their place!
Get them!
I mean,
they kind of kicked our ass
when we had a bunch more guys.
You know what?
You're a bad leader.
You can have him.
We are quiet-quitting!
Guys!
That's just normal quitting!
Welp, I've come this far.
[ Electricity crackling ]
[ Grunting ]
Wait! [ Gasps ]
[ Choking ]
[ Gasps ]
[ Breathing heavily ]
Huh?
Wow.
I-I don't know what to say.
[ Gasps ]
Whoa.
Very different
from Rick's usual M.O.
Does hugging people
really disarm them like that?
Whoa!
[ Siren wails ]
[ Chomping loudly ]
[ Belches ]
[ Cellphone ringing ]
Hello?
Summer: Seb sold us out.
We need a new rendezvous point.
Yeah, that's why I only use him
for stomachs.
Why do you sound strange?
Rick ate the phone.
It's inside him now.
Just meet us at the spaceport,
i-if we survive this.
Morty and I are very vulnerable
to bullets right now.
Hold on.
The cops are on line two.
Cop:
Hello. We've run the numbers.
Your hostages are expendable.
Both: Oh, God!
Eat me, Pig!
I'm upgraded enough, Morty.
Aim me!
No! No killing people!
I'm drawing a line!
Fine.
You mean it?
You won't cackle with battle
rage and explode the city?
I'm all brain right now, Morty,
You can't get battle lust
as a brain.
Oh! Okay.
[ Warbles ]
Oh!
[ Screaming ]
[ Screams ]
My knees!
This is great.
Our adventures can get
so much less violent.
The show can be cerebral, Morty.
[ Laughs ] I don't hate that.
[ Cops scream ]
[ Cops groaning ]
Grab more parts.
Everyone's alive.
I'm a head of my word, Morty.
Check this out.
[ Beeping ]
[ Cellphone rings ]
Hello?
A mistake?! Wow!
Talk about
a departmental scandal.
False alarm, guys.
I guess
it's a different kid and head.
Oh, man!
Cop: How embarrassing.
Just killed our GTA rating.
How about that, Morty?
No outstanding warrants.
You like that?
I do like that.
Yeah, j-just bought us tickets
to the spaceport, too.
First class.
Money's made up, Morty.
It's not real!
I can pay for whatever
our family needs!
Everyone said "Tenet" was bad.
It's amazing!
W-Wipe my tears, Morty.
I haven't watched a full movie
in decades.
Not having to pee is incredible.
Anything to drink
before we land?
None for me, thanks.
Wow!
Well, if there needs to be
a creepy alcoholic?
Down, Morty.
Looks like their flight's
on time.
What's this?
"Hello, Summer.
This is Rick's body."
Well, obviously.
Sorry, sorry.
"I overthink.
My head gets in the way
of telling you I love you,
but I'm all heart right now,
so you're amazing.
Take a gap year in Europe.
Believe in yourself.
Your parents are stupid."
[ Sniffles ]
Dumb body.
[ Uplifting music plays ]
♪♪
There they are.
Well, bye, Rick's head.
It was fun getting to carry you
around like this.
It was nice putting
our heads together, Morty.
A-plus team up.
[ Laughs ]
♪♪
You piece of shit!
I'm never going back!
You can't make me!
Aah!
[ Jets whoosh ]
[ All scream ]
[ Man screams ]
I guess
I guess each one is so happy
on their own, they --
Want to kill the other
so they never go back.
Yeah.
You guys had a great day, too,
huh?
The best.
Shit.
What the hell, Summer?!
You spent a couple hours
with Rick's body
and now it wants to kill
his brain?
Rick's head
treats his body like shit.
I can't believe
you gave it weapons.
Obviously, Rick's brain
wouldn't want to die.
Me?!
Y-You let his body get
a little robot head thing!
You got played as bad
as I did!
Rick's Head: Morty --
Shh!
Morty, stop calling.
Everything's fine.
Just where are you?
Are you still trying
to kill each other?
It's all good, Morty.
Seriously, I'll meet you back
at home.
Just gonna get a new body
real quick.
Oh?
Yeah, me and my old body --
You know,
we don't need to beef.
We just go our separate ways,
baby. New lives!
Grandpa Rick,
you're not yourself.
Is that Summer?!
She's a fucking body loyalist.
Take me off speaker.
You know what?
Rick, wait!
We're pretty boned.
You wanna tell mom
we lost Grandpa?
Maybe
they'll eventually realize
they both need each other?
[ Groans ] I hear Rick
mocking me as I say it.
He'll be so pissed
if this is how he dies.
[ Dramatic music plays ]
♪♪
Rachel?
[ Sighs ] Hello?
Shop's closed.
Ugh! Rick?!
Rachel!
I've just got this cool task
I thought we might jam on.
I-I need a special body.
No lust, no alcoholism.
Just 100%
Oh. Uh --
Wait. What?!
So there was something here?!
I thought if I made a move,
I'd destroy the friendship.
Yeah, well,
keep thinking, buddy.
We could have had 10 years
of canonical
will-they/won't-they!
Yeah. To be clear,
it does ruin everything.
I had an orgasm.
It was incredible.
It was?!
And now it's over.
Honestly, I kind of need
both of you to leave.
You disgusting, giant-schlonged
friendship ruiner!
[ Grunts ]
Hey! Don't bust up my place!
Come on!
[ Grunts ]
Hi, Morty.
I'm calling because --
Yeah, they were here.
Yeah, both of them.
Gone now.
Semi-related to that,
I need you to delete my number.
Rick's Head: You horny idiot!
You always fuck
everything up
drinking,
sullying relationships,
eating late-night desserts!
But now I'm gonna be free
of you forever.
Uh -- Okay.
I-I assume
you're pantomiming
that you're gonna be free
of me forever.
What a retort. How clever.
[ Dramatic music plays ]
[ Grunting ]
Aah! [ Grunts ]
[ Blade shings ]
[ Slow-motion scream ]
Aah!
[ Blade clanging ]
♪♪
[ Slurring ] You little bitch!
[ Screaming ]
[ Warbling ]
Huh. That would have really
laid you out if you had ears.
Shit, shit, shit, shit.
[ Blows air ]
♪♪
Ha ha! Yeah!
Mind over matter!
♪♪
Aah! Fuck you!
[ Laughing maniacally ]
Morty: Head, stop!
Body, no!
♪♪
Maybe we need to get closer?
I'm so proud
of that dumb body.
Just this morning,
I used it as a scooter.
[ Both scream ]
[ Metal creaking ]
[ Laughing maniacally ]
♪♪
You're mine now, bitch!
Not mine literally.
I'm gonna kill you.
I don't want you back.
♪♪
Oh, shit.
♪♪
♪♪
[ Metal creaking ]
Damn it! Wait!
Aah!
[ Groaning ]
Oh! Oh, shit.
Listen! I'm sorry, okay?!
I-I'll be good, I promise!
No more benders,
uh, no more all you can eat.
Uh, no more weird, little
stick n poke tattoos
I give myself when I'm drunk.
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa!
Head!
Body, no!
He's -- He's our grandpa!
Y-You are, too!
You guys are both victims
because you're both selfish.
Think of each other.
[ Groans ]
Okay,
hang on, hang on, hang on!
One more thing, one more thing!
How about this?
[ Speaking indistinctly ]
What -- What do you think
they're saying?
I don't know.
Why is it whispering?
Must be a compelling argument.
[ Metal creaks ]
Oh, God.
[ Electricity crackling ]
Should we check in?
I'm just glad
they're hashing it out.
Rick?!
You're back!
Oh. [ Laughs ] Hey, kids.
Uh, yeah, I, uh
Uh, we, uh
agreed to become one Rick again.
How about that?
Abrupt.
Anyways, can't thank you
both enough for today.
Really appreciate
you two helping out.
Let's get to the car.
Did you just suck
your own dick in there?
Whoa!
No, I didn't!
W-Why would you guess that?
Why would you do that?!
I didn't!
Oh, my God! You totally did!
Damn, body. Get it.
T-That is not what I was doing,
and I was --
I will not explain
what it actually was.
Uh-huh.
Sure thing, ho.
Can we leave the collapsing
refinery destroyed?
[ Metal creaking ]
Hi, Mom?
Yeah. We found him.
Oh!
What a Tuesday, huh?
I just hope you learn
to treat yourself better.
Me too.
"Me too"?
You control whether
you learn something or not.
No, no. I do.
And I did.
And I know this sounds like
classic morning-after,
dumping-coke talk,
but I think I've turned
a new leaf here.
My mind and body
are out of sync.
Each blames the other
for my bullshit.
So I'll do something healthy
for all of us.
No, you won't.
No, you won't.
[ Screaming ]
Rise and shine, motherfucker!
It's time to train!
Summer, too!
Summer's training, too!
[ Groans ]
[ Laughs maniacally ]
Rick, get out of my room!
[ Both groan ]
That experience changed me, man.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
I didn't see
what I was doing to myself.
[ Groaning ]
Did you think
he'd commit this much?
No!
Why are we even doing this?!
[ Crowd cheering ]
[ Fanfare plays ]
Summer: Come on,
you son of a bitch! Swim!
Morty: Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Go, go, go, go!
Swimmer: Come on, come on!
Yeah!
Both: Yes!
Whoo!
Rick: Yeah!
[ Laughs ]
How about that, huh?
Medaling at the Olympics.
I'm so tired.
Ah!
No more. Please.
See?
You just needed to learn
how unsatisfying it is to work
really hard for something.
Is that the takeaway?
I feel bad. I can't remember
this guy's name.
What do you guys
want to do now?
♪♪
[ All chomping loudly ]
Oh!
I knew you'd come around.
It's nice to be off that diet.
Time to ride Vishnu's titty!
I guess you're only supposed
to bite your metal if it's gold.
The bronze hurt my teeth.
[ Theme music plays ]
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
You got all that?
You got it, chief.
See you, pal.
Oh, one more thing.
The downstairs fridge --
Tell Summer to do something
about that stank.
Uh, Rick --
It's mold or something.
I'm not --
I'm not looking into it.
Oh! Aah!
Eh?!
Jesus! Asshole!
[ Whimsical music plays ]
Eh?!
You fucking scared me!
You hear that music, Morty?
Warner wouldn't let us use
the real music.
Th-th-th-th-that's all, folks!
Man: Did you get any of that?