Rick and Morty (2013) s09e07 Episode Script

1
[ Saucer whirs ]
-This the place?
-This the place.
[ Grunts ]
[ Machine beeps ]
-This the stuff?
-This the stuff.
And this is no ordinary stuff,
Morty.
This sap is primo .
[ Both grunting ]
[ Liquid sloshes ]
[ Vines creak ]
-Argh!
-Ah!
-What the hell?
-Shit! Vines!
[ Both grunting ]
Locusts come
to harvest my bounty.
Hey, giant ancient tree guy.
Sorry. We thought
the sap was accountability free.
Yeah, well, we're not locusts,
just a couple adventurers.
Spacefarers.
You consume your planets,
then spread your sickness
to the stars.
Nah. Nah, man.
We're clean, I promise.
Yeah, yeah.
We just got tested,
and I got a bit of
a soy allergy.
I have a place
for animals like you.
You will be reformed.
[ Groaning ]
[ Groaning ]
What is
♪♪
♪♪
[ Water splashes ]
this?!
Yeah, Morty.
Not ideal.
But I promise you,
the sap will be worth it.
I had the craziest night
on this stuff a few weeks ago.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
[ Electricity hisses ]
I'm all wobbly, Rick.
What the fuck's going on.
In the same position you are.
But I can guess that those roots
extracted the biological data
we think of as our minds
and reincarnated us as amoeba.
How do we get our
old bodies back?
Well,
that's the wrong question.
But it's the one all
new cellmates ask.
[ Laughs ] "Cellmates."
We use humor to stay sane
in this place.
Yes, sir.
Many folks have tried
to raid this planet
and ended up down here.
Growth and rebirth.
The ball and chain
around our ankles.
In here, a man can truly change.
But don't mistake that
for freedom.
Give me your cytoplasm,
you limp-dick motherfucker!
[ Yells ]
[ Squish ]
Argh!
[ Grunts ]
[ Slurps ]
[ Water splashes ]
What?
Huh.
Guess if you die,
you start over.
Good thing
we hadn't made much progress.
Try not to die, Morty.
Hello, my delicious friends.
He's multicellular now!
Back for
another helping?
Spawn-camping piece of shit!
[ Grunts, gurgles ]
Jesus!
Prison rules, Morty.
Get to the top of the food chain
or you're someone's dinner.
[ Grunts, slurps ]
Hey, get in here.
We need the nutrients.
[ Slurps ]
Oh, it's like salty tapioca.
If this place is dumb enough
to let us manipulate our DNA,
Morty, then we'll
just evolve our way out.
First step is fins.
Wait. How?
Mitosis, Morty.
Think really hard
about being your own daughter.
[ Grunts ]
[ Grunts ]
[ Grunting continues ]
♪♪
Being a fish isn't so bad.
Swimming is fun.
I do like
how you're never thirsty.
And the whole world's
your toilet.
[ Both gasping ]
Oh. Oh, air.
[ Gasping ]
So good.
[ Strained ] So good.
[ Snake hisses ]
[ Animals growl ]
[ Gasps ]
[ Groans ]
[ Breathing heavily ]
Toughen up, Morty.
The primordial soup was
just the beginning.
We're in some kind of
hollow earth.
The reincarnation field
must be contained
within the warden's
root lattice.
If we escape to the surface,
we escape the cycle.
[ Gasping ]
[ Choking ]
God damn it, Morty,
you're a lungfish.
Use your lungs.
[ Groans ]
[ Groans ]
[ Water burbles ]
[ Orb whirs ]
[ Water splashes ]
Sorry.
You know how much willpower
it takes to drown yourself?
W-What do you want
to try next?
I got eight words for you
legs.
This is great.
We let our food come to us
and plan our next move.
Um. I think I'm stuck.
In our own web?
It's fine.
I'll use you and pull myself up.
[ Stammers ] Don't!
Oh!
Damn it!
[ Chuckles ]
Not so fun, is it?
Eat shit!
I'm gonna!
Morty,
I'm gonna evolve wings,
and then I'm gonna
kill that guy.
[ Water splashes ]
Morty: Whoo-hoo!
This is amazing, Rick.
And really quick to get to.
Birds are basically
small dinosaurs.
All right, Morty,
there's no thermals.
So we've got to evolve really
specific wings to get up there.
Oh, you can't build us
mech suits yet.
Nah, birds can get
wherever they want,
but can't do anything
once they get there.
It's like astral projection.
[ Squawks ]
Oh, shit!
he can get us down here,
too.
♪♪
All right. Pretty obvious.
We gotta climb a tech tree
to climb the actual tree.
And we do that with
Hands. Supple, grippy hands
and a pretty familiar version
of --
God, just go already.
Don't wait up!
[ Imitating monkey squalls ]
Um, this watering hole is
pretty tense.
Pretty, um, ape heavy.
Exactly.
There's holes for apes only.
Clear out.
Oh, we were just,
uh, drinking water.
And using tools!
Hey, look,
this guy's jerking off a stick
with his rock
He's a stick stroker!
I'm gonna end you, tool man.
We, uh, we-we-we
we can move along.
Argh!
-[ Grunts ]
-[ Groans ]
Oh, my God, Rick!
Hey, what the fuck?
Hey! Kill those monkeys
slightly different than us.
What are you doing, Rick?
They started it. Domination
through technology, Morty.
We're going apex.
This stick is your god!
He's got a thing!
[ Grunts ]
Oh!
Ri Rick?
I'm doing this
for both of us.
I'll find you
when I find you.
Guess he really did bail
on me.
You lost, son?
Oh. Oh, hey. Uh, please --
Please don't kill me
for my cytoplasm.
Oh, child,
you've been trapped in
the cycle of violence too long.
I don't know,
maybe you're right.
I'm tired of fighting
all the time.
Mm-hmm.
I've seen countless souls
waste a billion lifetimes trying
to bust out of here.
But you can't fight
the cycle, son.
You got to submit to it.
Serve nature.
Is this where you kill me?
Oh, you are traumatized.
♪♪
Wow!
Pollinating, building
little hexagon houses,
feels good to do
something positive.
All: Mm-hmm.
You see?
And I reckon the warden
likes it, too.
What are you in for, Morty?
I was a scout for an orc species
looking for planets to conquer.
I was a scout
for a sludge species looking
for planets to conquer.
Well, I'm a touch different
because I was a pod person
looking for planets to conquer.
I was helping
my grandpa get sap.
I assume it makes energy
or gets you high.
I-I-I don't know.
Aha. That adds up.
He seems the type to be
locked in here, but you don't.
Thank you!
It's a There's a
G-O-R
Should've spelled "ape."
[ Water splashes ]
On to the next one.
Every cycle evolves
as closer to parole.
[ Cheering ]
Ohhhh, I'm so fucking wounded.
Everyone follow my lead.
Your lead?
I'm the alpha.
Dog, I'm the alpha.
Easy prey here.
Easy pickings.
Get em.
Now!
I'm the alpha.
Omega!
A hole? This isn't alpha at all.
We're all betas now.
Come on, time to meet the boss.
♪♪
Hey. I know usually I'd
be trying to eat you and all,
but maybe Los Lobos in the herd.
Hey!
No interspecies solidarity.
♪♪
The wolves have
been incorporated, sir.
All except for that one.
I'm sorry for those things
I said about apes.
More fermented berry mash.
Right away, sir.
It's time to climb this fucker.
♪♪
[ Metal clangs ]
[ Liquid hisses ]
Listen up, pawns.
We begin the task
of scaling this root.
The root will kill you
if you touch it.
You will go one at a time
for observation purposes.
On, now.
Kind of feel like I'm
being punished for my loyalty.
Lead by example,
Gorilla #3.
♪♪
♪♪
[ Gas hisses ]
[ Groans ]
Gas 20 feet up.
Next!
[ Distant screams ]
[ Yells ]
♪♪
You know what? Fine.
If we can't break out,
we break him.
♪♪
♪♪
[ Vines creak ]
Ugh!
♪♪
[ Fire hisses ]
[ Thunder cracks ]
♪♪
[ Grunts ]
[ Soft music plays ]
So we clean shit
from the ocean?
Ocean needs cleanin'.
And we shit in the ocean?
Ocean needs shittin'.
And we shit in the soil while
eating shit out of the soil?
You're pretty hung up on
the shit part of it, aren't you?
♪♪
What's troubling you, son?
I mean, I like the
nonviolence, don't get me wrong.
And having a shell is fun,
but it just feels
like we're going in circles.
Well, that's what
a healthy ecosystem is.
Eventually, the warden
will notice
our piety and set us free.
Until then,
we find peace in here.
So a reformed prisoner
is someone
who doesn't want to leave
the prison?
See? You get it.
Oh, now you're probably
just hungry. Here.
I guess I don't want to eat,
whoever that is.
Now, son,
that's a vegetable.
No one picks being a vegetable,
you'd have to really give up
to be one of those.
Hey, uh, I think
I'm maybe gonna brave the rest
of this life alone.
Well,
you know where to find us.
We'll be eating shit.
♪♪
[ Water thuds ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Grunts ]
♪♪
Hmm.
♪♪
Oh.
♪♪
♪♪
[ Shivering ]
♪♪
[ Laughing ]
♪♪
♪♪
[ Farts ]
♪♪
[ Farts ]
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
[ Grunts ]
♪♪
[ Gasps ] Sun! Real sun!
[ Snoring ]
Oh, great Warden! I did it!
I figured it out!
The goal is to be a plant,
like you!
Oh
Whoa.
So many nutrients in the soil
up here.
Y-Yes.
[ Clears throat ]
The life cycles of
the guilty provide nourishment.
Oh.
But that's
more of a byproduct
than the point of all this,
right?
[ Chuckles ]
So I-I live up here now?
Oh, uh,
this is my spot.
Okay, I-I ca-- I can go
find my own planet.
Ahhh.
You would kinda need to be
a spacefarer for that.
And I don't like those.
But now you know
how cool it is to be a tree.
Oh.
Boink!
♪♪
♪♪
Okay, we have that
bronze post-mortem in 10,
followed by the all hands
on opposable thumbs.
[ Whistle! ]
[ Thud! ]
I'll reschedule.
Look who it is.
You don't have to do this,
man.
The system's rigged. H-He
wants us fighting each other.
Sounds like I'm on the
right side of history.
Morty!
[ Grunting ]
Alright, Morty,
let's shake a leg.
When he respawns
in a second,
he's not gonna be
any less annoying.
Rick?!
Is this a coincidence?
Y-You died
at the same time as me?
I saw everything,
buddy.
You beat the system,
then the system beat back.
Ugh!
He's -- He's evil, Rick!
He's feeding off the cycle
of death!
W-We're all just mulch!
Damn.
Pretty diabolical tree.
I don't wanna be mulch!
I wanna go home!
We have to stop killing
each other!
We will, buddy.
No more death now.
That's what feeds the tree.
I'm back!
[ Grunts ]
After that.
Now let's go.
NAAAAAAAAAAAANTS
ingonyamaaaaa bagithi baba
[ Coughs ]
Thanks for indulging me.
I'm not in the form of a lion,
but I did want to sing the song.
Hello, inmates.
[ Booing ]
Okay, I deserve that.
But I have something to say.
You expect us
to listen to you?!
No, I expect you
to listen to Morty.
The Warden seems wise and stoic,
but he's just a big tree.
Which means we can starve him
out!
It's a hunger strike!
But for him.
We'll all live peacefully
in a contained system.
So instead of escaping,
we'll live in a smaller,
shittier prison?
I didn't say shittier!
Gorilla 3, is that you?
It's Hyena 3 now.
I got a new job.
Seems like
a lateral step.
Th-Think of it more
as a biodome.
You've spent a million
lifetimes being dogs and fish.
It won't kill you
to spend one lifetime on this.
Hopefully nothing will kill you.
That's the point of the strike.
[ All murmuring ]
♪♪
Oh, this was a mistake.
What? This looks great!
Then again,
I am a bat.
Welcome to ME!
Combined with Morty's
plant-based livin',
we should all age
pretty gracefully.
All he needs from you is
Hey. Mornin'.
Shittin' hard
or hardly shittin'?
[ Laughs ]
Ya know, when they pitched me
on this herbivore diet,
I was skeptical,
but then I tried the pizza.
[ Both laugh ]
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
I need 34 bruschettas,
all day.
Yes, Chimp!
And you laugh
at all my jokes.
It's true, it's true.
I led us all down here
with the expressed purpose
of killing our tree
warden overlord,
which I remind you is
still our goal.
He should actually be
pretty weak by now.
However, I knew we were putting
down roots,
but never imagined
love would bloom.
What doesn't bloom
down here?
[ Laughter ]
Ha ha ha, congratulations!
Hyena 3 and Sheep,
you may now --
Okay, already doing it.
Hot.
[ Cheering ]
Ho-ho, let's par-tay!
[ Cheering ]
Ohhh.
I'm sohungry.
Wh-What's happening down there?
Hey! Start killing each other!
Hello? Anybody?
Oh, you little fuckers
are gonna get it now!
"Get bent."
Get bent?
Little toothless.
Not that I can beat it.
Now!
Aaaaah!
[ Grunting ]
♪♪
It's working. He's too weak
to get us with his vines!
Good thing, too,
I didn't anticipate how old
and pacified our forces would be
by the time this plan worked.
Come on, Hyena 3,
marriage made ya soft.
Leave him alone!
You were always a toxic boss!
[ Grunts ]
It's working! Phase 2 now!
♪♪
♪♪
Pull!
[ All grunting ]
♪♪
No!
This planet was
my retirement!
Say it with me, animals!
All: Timber!
♪♪
[ Weakly ] Doesn't anybody hate
anybody anymore?
Hey, birds, don't snakes
always eat your eggs?
Don't --
Don't fall for that.
Come on.
Someone's gotta have a grudge.
This is too reformed!
Oh, did we evolve
too much?
I-I actually have
deep respect for spacefarers.
Parked your ships all nice
and neat up there.
If it makes you feel
any better,
I didn't steal anything
from the glove boxes!
No! I'm dying!
Plants rule
[ Cheering ]
Sothat --
that's it, then?
I kinda thought we'd be returned
to our original bodies.
No, no, no, no, we will.
We all just gotta believe.
Yeah, we all just gotta
close our eyes.
Mm, okay.
You guys got us this far.
I don't feel anything.
Is it happening?
Oh, it totally is.
Ya gotta -- Ya gotta
keep those eyes tight, though.
You sound farther away.
Ohh! My leaf became a hand!
It's working!
Hope that happens
to me.
Rick: Whoa! Yeah! Ohhhh.
Oh, ho, oh, it's so magical.
Interesting how it happened
to them first.
-Yeah!
-Hoo, hoo, hoo!
[ Both sigh ]
Where have you two been
all day?
Nunya.
What's that? Biology?
I think I know a thing
or two about that.
Nope.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
Op! Excuse us.
Huh.
Dude.
That was totally Hyena #3.
Guess people got out,
huh?
That is not
how I pictured him looking.
Thanks, hon.
This might sound crazy, but do
you know who I think I just saw?
Was it the old man and boy
who saved us from prison
but also left us trapped
in our animal bodies?
You always fucking
step on my stories.