Robot Chicken s11e06 Episode Script

1
It's alive!
Who watches the Watchmen?
Ah, shit, they're onto us!
If you're goin' to be
our lice host
We're going to latch
onto your head
This one belongs to Jessica
And she just turned ten
Lice breed in close proximity
We multiply with ease
She picked us up in the ball pit
At a local Chuck E. Cheese
So, here's the deal
on parasites, baby
It's really hard to get rid of
her and her and me
Got nits on the root,
laying eggs to boot
Got bugs in your rug from
a dirty fella's nugs
Use shampoo,
you better rinse, repeat
Look at me, ha-ha,
I'm in the laundry
- Lice Girls!
- You are never going to
Chuck E. Cheese ever again.
What do you think we
abducted this time, Zandar?
I dunno, Zortex, probably
another cow or farmer.
Whatever it is,
get ready for probes city!
Oh [bleep]!
Oh [bleep]!
Aah!
I regret everything!
- Courage sure looks relaxed.
- Ahh.
Oh, how many Prozac
did you give him?
Enough.
Oh!
Stupid dog! Help us!
He can't! The Prozac!
That's gonna leave a mark!
Oh, my!
Ah! Stupid Prozac!
I've been a bad, bad dog
Bad dog
I've been a careless
man's best friend
- Woof
- Oh
So I said we should all pitch in
on a coffee maker,
- since we all enjoy coffee.
- Coffee maker?
That's what I said.
It's General Leia!
She's right outside the window!
Move the ship!
We need to help her inside!
I hear we might get a coffee maker.
Well, it makes sense.
We all enjoy coffee.
Oh, my God!
Damn it, we got to catch up to her!
Pull up alongside her, we
can pull her through the side door.
Yeah, let's open the door to space!
That should have no consequences.
I can't reach her.
Turn the ship.
Aah, no, that was too fast!
She's coming back!
Turn the ship again!
Come on, come on,
almost there, come on.
Yay!
Excited cheering!
- What did I miss?
- We're getting a coffee maker!
Ah, Squall Leonhart,
I heard you were coming to town,
but I didn't dare dream
you'd walk into my humble store!
I am always looking for new
and unusual weapons.
For you see, I'm the master
of zapow!
The gun blade!
Cuts like a sword,
and when I pull the trigger,
it vibrates extra hard
bzzt!
Inflicting super mega damage
on my foes!
I doubt you have anything
for sale as cool as this.
Ah, don't be so sure
Aah! Aah!
[Bleep] bear!
Oh, Goddamnit [bleep]
Ugh, all right, Neo, you can
make your one phone call.
Thank you.
- Connection, disappearing.
- Hey!
I'm only a bill,
yes, simply a bill
- Whoa!
- Wow. Stealing the Declaration
of Independence
was easier than I thought.
It's inside, you idiot!
Now, where did that
little anthropomorphic
rolled up piece of paper go?
Wait, was it never here?
Am I having an acid flashback?
Oh, my God, I'm freaking out!
This stupid Prozac!
I am the terror that
quack in the night!
I am the poison ivy rash
on the nuts
that ruined your hunting trip!
Now that Darkwing Duck is here
Jesus! Gah, what the
Flapping ineffectively
I'm a duck!
Why the hell can't I
get out of here?!
Gah, shoulder hit!
Highly survivable.
Okay, D.W., ready to hit the road?
Aah!
Launchpad, is that you?
Oh, God, why?!
Uncle Scrooge?
Aah!
Dewey!
Greetings, viewers!
You may call me the Lookie-Loo,
for that is my name.
I have transported you
to my battle dome
on the planet lowyo.
This is Fang Banger!
He will soon destroy your planet.
Only Earth's strongest
can hope to stop him.
But who is your
mightiest super team?
Let the Secret Infinity Contest
of Crisis Champions begin!
Secret Infinity Contest of
Mother[bleep] Crisis Champions
Cha-cha-cha Cheese League,
Cheese League, baby!
Colby!
The leader and the brain!
Cheddar!
He's straight up making it rain!
Brie!
Sexy mama with a Southern sass!
Muenster!
Bustin' heads and bustin' ass!
And don't forget about Baby Swiss!
Baby! Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha
Cheese League!
Squatch Squad, Squatch Squad
Come get your crotch gnawed
by the Squatch Squad
- Bigfoot!
- Peace on Earth is his goal!
- Spacesquatch!
- He's comin' for your black hole!
- Batsquatch!
- Echolocates with sonar!
- Skunk Ape!
- He's got a stinky faux-nar!
- Sheep Squatch!
- Don't you call him a lamb!
- Blurryfoot!
- Never caught on cam!
Squatch Squad, baby,
Squatch Squad!
Road Hawgs, grab a cheese log
and roll these dawgs
They're the Road Hawgs
- Man Pig!
- More man than pig!
- Pig Man!
- Favorite Newton fig!
- Flank!
- Favorite Campbell knee!
And don't forget about Steve!
Road Hawgs, up your [bleep]
ass with Road Hawgs!
Hang on to your ass, here
comes Bigfoot in Bigfoot!
One's a beast
and one's a truck
Yes, we know you already saw
Bigfoot on that other team
But this one's different!
Bigfoot in Bigfoot!
You won't get chiseled by
the Marble Mob
Gettin' their rocks off
on the job
Marble Mob, Marble Mob
- David!
- A straight-up masterpiece!
- Venus de Milo!
- Don't need arms to bitch-slap your niece!
- The Thinker.
- He's gonna blow your mind!
- Manneken Pis!
- His pee will make you blind!
- Abe Lincoln!
- He invented basketball?
Marble Mob,
don't be a slob
You idiotic knob-job, get down
with the Marble Mob!
Now then, the tournament
grid will be divided thusly.
Warning, warning, oxygen levels
approaching fatal minimums.
Baa!
Sorry, the Fang Banger will
definitely eat the entire earth now.
We gave it
the old college try, though.
That's what's important.
Peace out, yo!
[Bleep] bear!
- Bored with the same old Easter?
- Yeah!
Resurrection of Christ
not holding their attention?
It sure isn't!
Now Easter can really get hoppin'!
God sacrificed his only son, so
you won't have to sacrifice the fun.
Mom and Dad love to hop,
even Grandma just can't stop!
The Jesus Pogo Sticks
commercial aired
to a world wide
Super Bowl audience.
And at that precise moment,
the rapture began.
God could take no more.
Mind control tigers?
You're usually more of a snake guy.
I know, but my exotic animal
guy had a deal on tigers
I couldn't pass-ss up.
We can't go hand-to-hand
with tigers, Duke!
We're not trained to deal with them!
Luckily, we have someone who is
I'd like to introduce our newest
recruit everyone, meet
Joe-e-e Exotic!
Howdy, Joes, y'all, we're
looking for someone who knows
how to handle tigers and
gaslight two meth addicted
husbands, you've got a bull's eye.
Okay, let's get to that machine
- and destroy it before it's too late.
- Yo, Joe!
- Here we go, attack, hut, hut!
- We're under attack!
Mind control button push!
Tigers, kill all the Joes!
The tigers are coming!
Aah! My arm!
Go, go, go.
Flank 'em to the right!
Flank 'em to the left!
Oh!
You gotta
you gotta do something!
Hey, Cobra kitties
Papa's gonna sing you a song
Hey, Cobra kitties
Can't we all just get along?
- Hey, Cobra kitties
- Aah! Cobra kitties!
It's time to let Cobra go
Hey, Cobra kitties
It's time to be a G.I. Joe
Way to go, Exotic now it's
you who controls the tigers!
Girl, I've always controlled
these tigers.
Kill that [bleep] Cobra asshole!
Oh! Run away!
Somebody stop these stupid cats!
Oh! Oh! Run away!
Way to go, Joe!
How do you get that tight outfit on
and can I watch?
Look here, Carol, this machine
you sold me doesn't work.
What happened
to the Baskin guarantee?
Well, cats and kittens, it
worked on my husband.
It should work just fine.
Oh, my God.
She admitted it.