68 Whiskey (2020) s01e03 Episode Script

Daddy Issues

1 Private Petrocelli, step away from the goat bomb! It's not a bomb.
Yeah, that's what they want you to think.
Now move so I can engage the threat.
Buckley's spirit is in this goat.
You're fucking crazy.
I am not moving.
Yeah, well I ain't getting blown up by no goddamn suicide goat, either.
It's not a suicide goat.
Don't worry, Boz.
I'm not gonna let anything happen to you.
Hey, what are you saying to it? That is none of your business.
Some sort of code? - To a goat? - [BLEATS.]
It's not a bomb; it's a fucking goat.
It's my associate's fingers in its belly.
Yeah, and now I gotta cut that goat open.
And that annoying little shit there isn't gonna move to the side unless you put your fucking weapon down.
Well, we don't take orders from you.
But you do take orders from me.
And put that knife away.
Nobody's cuttin' this poor little animal open.
That's the cutest fuckin' goat I've ever seen.
Ain't that the cutest fuckin' goat you've ever seen, Corporal Wittman? - Sir, yes, sir! - [BLEATS.]
You think you can do whatever you want to while you're over here, and maybe you can, but not while you're on my base.
While you're on my base, you follow my orders.
- Yes, Colonel.
- Damn right.
You seem unhealthily attached to this goat, Private.
Just didn't want to see it killed, sir.
Looks like it's been a while since its last meal.
But no animals on base.
Feed it, give it some water, get it the hell off.
You hear me, Private? - Yes, sir.
I'd like to speak to him alone, please.
Yes, Ma'am! Get up.
You look very at home in here.
This place is actually bigger than my CHU, Ma'am.
I need a favor.
There's not much I can do from in here.
If you do this for me, I'll recommend that all the charges against you get dropped.
What's the favor? The LN you brought in the other day left recovery in bad shape.
If he doesn't get brought back to me and put on a massive dose of antibiotics, he's gonna die.
The good-lookin' kid? His name is Qasem.
He's my patient, and I'm responsible for him.
And you brought him in, so I'm assuming you might know where to find him.
Do you mind if I ask you why you're taking such an interest in this particular LN? - Sergeant! - Yes, Ma'am! I'm done with him.
No, wait, wait, wait! Hey, hey, wait! I can find him and I can bring him back.
Then do it.
I'm not sure about this.
This mission's keeping me out of the brig, so I'd appreciate it if you got sure about it.
Not like Holloway to stick her neck out like this for an LN.
Makes you think there's an actual human being under all that regular army.
Come on.
Cut her some slack.
She chose putting up with all your insubordinate bullshit over being with her family.
Can't wait to see you two get married.
Wanna be my best man? You get her a ring? Shit.
I didn't think about that.
Give me an onion ring.
I don't care.
How romantic.
Guess instead of honeymooning in Bora Bora, you guys'll be honeymooning in Tora Bora.
Laugh all you want.
When we're married, we're entitled to 300 bucks a month extra housing allowance.
- Marry me.
Let's get this over with.
Somebody tell me to go Somebody tell me to go Somebody tell me to go [BLEATS.]
How are ya? Mmm.
Sir, I'm getting rid of it.
What becomes of this goat makes no matter to me, Private.
Glad to hear that, sir.
However, I am keenly interested in what happened to an ambulance that disappeared the other day.
Ambulance? [STAMMERS.]
I don't know anything about that.
Oh, really? Because your name was on the vehicle manifest.
You seem nervous.
Oh, I'm I'm fine, sir.
- You're sweating profusely.
- It's hot, sir.
You're visibly shaking.
It's an unfortunate medical condition, sir.
The truth, Private.
Roback and Davis made me do it.
They filled it with expired medical supplies and took it to the village to trade - with the warlords for hashish.
- What? Then the ambulance got torched by SecCorp guys but we can't be sure, so we stole one of their SUVs after the goat bit off some guy's fingers and then hit a landmine on the way back, sir.
I see.
What are you gonna do to me, sir? [EXHALES DEEPLY.]
Nothing right now.
It's Roback and Davis that need to answer for this.
Well, Boz, that was a close one.
Where do we find Qasem? Petrocelli said he thought the little brother came from a house with a green door.
What else did he say? Nothing.
That was it.
Time to play green door roulette.
Let's start with that one.
- Clear! - Clear! Hallway! All clear.
What now? We hit every other green door in the neighborhood.
And wait for everyone to just invite us in for sponge cake and espresso? Well there's nothing here, so let's start knocking.
God damn.
What the fuck are you doing? New way to get high? Smells like burned hair.
This is a real motherfuckin' silk rug.
Worth 30 grand back home.
We're taking it.
I know you're in dire st [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
Looks like an ISIS tunnel.
Let's just take the rug and split.
We gotta go down there.
I didn't sign up for this.
Remember when you signed that little piece of paper in the recruiting station? That was you signing up for this.
We're goin' in.
- Next man! - Coming in.
Coming in! All clear.
- Who's this? - My name is Azad.
He's the little brother.
Where's that fuckin' goat? Uh I have no idea.
Well, you damn well better have some idea.
Look even if you cut it open, your fingers would be totally digested by now.
Yeah, it's not my fingers I'm looking for, mate.
Huh? It's my Crimson Tide championship ring that was on one of those fingers.
That's what I'm fuckin' looking for.
Wait, you played football for Alabama? One more time: Where is that fucking goat? I told you.
I don't know.
Yeah, you do, and if I don't get my finger back with that ring on it, [GASPS.]
I'm gonna take one of yours.
What? Ow.
You have one hour.
My brother was not well.
He was having great difficulty breathing.
He became very weak.
He finally had to leave me.
To go where? He was told the warlord was in possession of antibiotics.
Our antibiotics.
He has not returned.
I am worried.
We're gonna get him and we're gonna bring him back to the hospital at our base to get better.
One of us is gonna need to be here with the kid in case Qasem comes back.
You must leave the woman here with me.
The warlord will have no interest in dealing with her.
"The woman"? - You're babysitting.
- No, no.
Don't do this to me.
It won't take long, okay? Give you two a chance to get close.
Here, Boz.
See, see? Yeah.
Come on.
What the hell are you doing? I am trying to feed it this horchata grip 'n rip.
Oh, that shit gave me the runs.
Yeah? Well, I am counting on it.
Here, Boz.
Up here.
Come on, here.
Yeah, okay.
Atta boy.
There we go.
Yo, I meant it about you being my best man.
No offense, but I kinda take this marriage thing more seriously.
Is that a no? It's not a no.
Just kinda hoping you two would take it more seriously, too.
Yeah, well.
I'm not Alvarez's type.
- She tell you that? - Every day.
Besides, I'm not over Durkin.
Unfortunately complicated by the fact that she's totally over me.
A salaam alaikum! God bless the USA! Son of a bitch! Looks like those Afghan Army guys got that SecCorp SUV running again.
Damn! Those ANA guys can turn anything into a technical.
We gotta track it down.
How exactly are we gonna track it down? There's a way.
I just haven't thought of it, yet.
You keep me posted.
Always the pessimist, amigo.
- That's that.
- Hold on.
We don't have anything to trade.
- What do you got on you? - What do you got on you? - Supplies and water.
- Me, too.
What about here? Hey.
Hell, no.
It's not gonna happen.
It's time to put away childish things, amigo.
Gimme your gamer.
I need to at least wipe it first.
I got personal stuff on here.
- Porn? - Among other things.
Weird, fucked up porn? Normal, everyday porn.
I'm sure warlords could jerk off, too.
Stop it.
Come on.
Now that you're happy, let's try this one more time.
- Paghman? - Paghman.
He's at Paghman Hospital.
- He's probably okay.
- Okay? What part of Paghman Hospital do you not get? [SPEAKING PASHTO.]
Salaam alaikum! [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
You are not married? Will be soon.
Is it arranged? Sort of.
When you are married, you will have children, yes? I will have children? No.
And your husband allows this? It's not up to him.
But he is the man.
I am the woman.
Why do you not want to talk to me? Is it because I'm a man? You're not a man! You're a boy! And it's because I find your attitude very annoying.
How lucky you for you that you happen to be born with a little pee-pee between those legs that lets you make all the decisions for the women in your culture.
You are very angry.
And believe it or not, you caught me on a good day.
Kid's giving you the finger.
Ah, shit.
Notice he didn't ask for his wedding ring back.
So we're all good? You and me? Yeah, we're all good.
But that fucking goat and me? Oh, we're far from good.
But you got your ring back.
Fingers are still missing.
Nothing the goat can do about that.
Revenge is not about remedying a situation, it's about eye for a fuckin' eye.
You're gonna take the goat's finger? Didn't know goats had fingers.
They have cloven hooves.
I'm not gonna take the goat's fingers.
I'm gonna take the goat's life.
And I know it's on this base, and I'm gonna fuckin' find it.
No, you're not.
Kid's not gonna give up that goat without a fight.
Yeah, I'm gonna find that fuckin' animal, and I'm gonna gut it like the goddamn catch of the day.
He's a great poet.
I know you do not read a lot, but do not worry.
These poems are short.
A small child could read them.
You really can't help yourself, can you? I was in the middle of my all-time high score on that thing.
Well, maybe you should try reading a book instead, amigo.
The engine on the bird's running.
Let's go.
You have found my brother? He's at Paghman.
We're gonna go get him.
Figured only one of you would be alive when we got back.
I had you, but Davis's money was on the kid.
I'm never having children.
Especially boys.
We'll discuss this after we're married.
Can't understand a thing.
Can't tell if we've got permission to land or not.
Sounds like chaos down there.
For better or worse, we're going in.
Do you speak English? Of course I do.
I'm a doctor.
- What happened here? - Suicide bombing at a wedding.
Look, we're looking for a patient called Qasem.
Do you have anybody here by that name? You are kidding me, right? You are welcome to go look for him yourself, but I have no idea where he is, nor do I have the time to worry about him.
Is there anything we can do here to help? You can find this person you're looking for and take him away so I have one less person to deal with.
Shh, shh.
Let's limit our boots on the ground time here, okay? For sure.
That him? If it is, our work here is done.
I got him! Hey, can you hear me? Hey.
You again.
Okay, shit.
We're gonna get you out of here, okay? Door! We managed to stabilize him on the bird, but he's still in pretty bad shape.
I'll take it from here, Sergeant.
Who's this? His little brother.
They're a package deal.
Get that kid and all of his germs out of my operating room, please! Thank you.
Let's get him on the table! How'd you take care of yourself while your brother was away? Relatives would feed me.
And since the killing of my parents shut down the school, I was no longer a target.
You seem to accept your misfortunes so much better than I do.
We do not expect everything to turn out well like you do, so we're never disappointed.
Gimme a sec, hon.
We were reading about another one of those suicide bombings.
The boys are getting worried about you, but I told them you were miles away from where that stuff happens.
And they believed you? Well, it doesn't really matter, does it? - Is that Mom? - Yeah, it's Mom.
Hi, Mom! We miss you.
Don't get blown up.
Don't be an idiot.
She's totally safe.
- I am.
I'm totally safe.
- That shirt is dirty.
I told you not to wear it.
Now we're gonna be late to school.
Change that, please.
Is Rufus locked out again? I told you you gotta let him in after he pees.
It's out of control here.
I love you.
Can I call you tomorrow? - Okay, bye.
You okay? Mm.
Just missing the peace and quiet of home.
What's up? I head you sprung Roback from the brig.
Mind if I ask why? Between you and me? He did me a solid.
Well, the reason I ask is that he's suddenly on my radar, so I need to know if we consider him friend or foe.
At this specific moment in time, friend.
But I'm sure that'll change in an hour.
That's all I needed to know.
You were right.
I was not ready to leave.
It is possible you may know more about medicine that I do.
Why do you find the destruction of confiscated weapons and explosives entertaining? Do you not get enough of this horror in battle? You have a way of really killing fun.
It is a privilege to be allowed to be out amongst men at night.
I do not think that you appreciate it.
Don't consider it a perk.
Your culture takes all of these things for granted.
In my culture, a mother is expected only to bring a son into the family.
How can a woman even survive here? She can be raised as a boy.
What do you mean? In my culture, some parents can make the decision to raise their daughters as sons.
That way we are allowed to have interactions with men, allowed to have jobs, allowed to leave the house at night.
Oh, my God.
You're a girl? It is true.
I was born female.
Do you feel like a boy? I feel like Allah has blessed me, that I was chosen to have a chance in life.
What happens when you get older? Life becomes much more difficult and dangerous.
You mean if someone finds out? It is not a question of if they find out, but rather if they approve.
Well, it's gonna be pretty difficult to keep your little secret on this base.
Why? Well, you're gonna have to shower at some point, and I'm for sure not letting you do it with the men on this base.
Then I will not shower.
You'll have to sleep somewhere.
Unless you want me to take you back home.
I will never leave my brother again.
Then you're gonna have to share your little secret with others.
I'm sorry that I got a bit annoyed with you before.
Your male privilege was really pissing me off.
You're very good at being a boy.
It is a lot easier than it looks.
The closest ANA base is here.
What if they aren't stationed at the base? What if they're floaters just passing through? Well, then we'll never track down the SUV, there'll be no fight, and we're screwed.
Forget I mentioned it.
If I can just figure out a way to Gentlemen.
- BOTH: Sir.
Oh, I had an interesting little talk with Private Petrocelli.
- He's a good kid.
- Great kid.
Yes, the young lad told me all about your eventful nocturnal jaunt through the countryside the other night.
- Oh, the little shit.
- The kid likes to embellish.
Oh, the tale he told me needs no embellishment.
It is a tale of sneaking off base to trade expired medicines for hashish to a local warlord and then burning a military ambulance.
We're not the ones who torched it.
Oh, yes.
The private was quite clear on that point.
Sir, those meds were designated to be destroyed.
Or traded for ten pounds of grade A Afghan hashish, it seems.
The village needed them badly.
Oh, you two are quite the humanitarians, aren't you? And they were still perfectly good.
You don't have to tell me.
I hate how big pharma invents these expiration dates simply to make more money by inducing earlier churn on supplies.
It's shameful.
- It is shameful.
- Pisses us off, too.
However, demanding hashish in return for those drugs? Mm [CLICKS TONGUE.]
is also shameful.
We feel bad, sir.
Oh, I'm sure you do.
Look, I like you both, all right? You're damn good medics.
And between us, I have been known to imbibe on the local Afghan hashish myself, occasionally.
It is primo.
Be that as it may, I'm ordering you to destroy everything you have.
All ten pounds of it, because if I hear that you are selling it around the base, and I will hear about it, I'll recommend that you both be court-martialed.
Yes, sir.
Oh, and about that ambulance - Yes, sir? - Yes, sir? That is property of the United States Army.
But I'm British Forces, so screw it.
We can't destroy the hashish.
It's all we got.
We may not have to.
Hoo! Lovely.
What'd you blokes want from me? We need you to turn it all into edibles so it'll be easier to hide and move.
- I have the technology.
- Fantastic.
For 50%.
Fuck that! I'm supposed to do this out of the kindness of my heart? We were thinking you would take it as collateral for the Sasquatch fight.
So I bloody well am supposed to do this out of the kindness of my heart.
This fight is gonna be big.
You can stand to make a shitload of book.
You got Sasquatch to agree to it? We're working on it.
Then this whole conversation's just taking place in a dream.
How 'bout this? If the fight doesn't happen, you can keep half of it as payment for the last fight.
Here's an even better deal.
If the fight doesn't happen, I keep the whole bloody thing.
You just said 50%.
Prices fluctuate.
Okay, fine.
- About this fight, mate.
- Yeah? I'm gonna want to check out your man.
Make sure he's up to the task so I can put out decent odds.
I'm not agreeing to anything until I lay eyes on your boy.
Of course.
And I am not gonna be the one to convince Sasquatch to fight him.
You blokes are.
- Not gonna be a problem.
- Good.
Now get the hell out of my kitchen so I can turn this hash into food.
Think you should disguise it as MREs.
Nobody touches those.
It'll be safer.
So you know exactly where they are and you could just steal 'em back from me? Do I look like a fuckin' idiot to you, mate? Oh, by the way, mate.
It's chicken.
All week long.
You got a little Corporal Buckley in you.
You know that? [SIGHS.]
You know, he was the coolest dude I ever met.
He knew the origin story of every Marvel character by heart.
Even the ones nobody knew.
And he didn't let anyone fuck with me.
I'm not gonna let anyone fuck with you, but I can't hide you in here forever.
We're gonna get through this.
I got a ton of forms for you and Roback to sign.
For what? For the marriage? Oh, yeah.
You're really not into Roback, huh? What exactly did he tell you? Look, don't worry.
I'm not gonna tell anyone.
Sorry if I fucked up everything with him.
Sasquatch seems big.
Roback told you everything too, huh? I'm not judging you.
That's good, 'cause I respect you even though I know you don't respect me.
I don't really think about you much.
Figured you'd never thought about me much, either.
You figured wrong.
You go your own way.
You don't care what anyone else thinks.
You're badass.
Glad it comes across as some sort of inner strength but it's really not.
Look, I uh I need someone to talk to about putting up with all the swinging dicks and girlfriend pickings around here are, you know, slim.
Um, I'm not the girlfriend type.
Okay, then who do you talk personal shit with? My family.
How ethnically charming.
How typically racist.
Wanna get high? Roback's not my type.
What is your type? Someone I come across when I'm not juggling dismembered limbs on a daily basis.
If you're gonna be that picky, you're never gonna find anyone.
Roback and Sasquatch are nothing like.
How'd you end up caught between them? My dad is a total screw-up who forced me to take care of myself from day one.
Sasquatch is a part of me that wants to kick his ass and Roback's a part of me that wants to fuck him.
Why do we always fall for men who remind us why we hate our fathers? Oh, I love my father.
I'd be lucky to end up with someone as good-hearted and honest as him.
- You suck as a girlfriend.
I'm used to being around guys.
This feels weird.
Took me a while to get used to it, too.
Girlfriend, pass that shit.
This weed is really fucking strong.
Got it from an LN translator who had a crush on me.
Can you get more? - Mm-mm.
- Why not? He was targeted and killed by the Taliban.
I like to smoke some every once in a while in his memory.
I hope I am remembered like this.
Anyway, good luck with Sasquatch.
And if you ever bounce back to Roback, I'm okay with it.
You really don't give a shit, do you? About what? Anything.
Never really had the luxury.
I give a shit about too much, especially men.
You're gonna be really good for me.
We'll see.
Got a sec? Hey.
What? I just wanted to say I respect your decision, okay? What decision? To cool it with me.
No, not cooling it with you.
Ending it with you.
Yeah, whatever.
Anyway, I get it.
I'll be married to Alvarez, and that'll be that.
So what do you want from me? I need you to convince Sasquatch to fight my guy.
- Why? - Because I'll be fucked if you don't, and I believe you still care about what happens to me.
If I ever mention your name to Sasquatch, he's gonna smell you all over me.
That's pretty hot.
- Stop it.
Anything else? Yeah.
While I respect your decision not to see me anymore once I'm married, the fact is, this moment in time, I'm not married.
Jesus, yes! Oh, my God! [BOTTLES RATTLING.]
You're a fucking magician! Oh, my God.
Wait, did you come? I was a little busy concentrating on you.
Oh, my God.
- You good? - Mm-hmm.
How was it? Different.
"Different"? [LAUGHS.]
- [SIGHS.]
- Hey, wait.
Is that it? After that? You gave me closure.
Correction: I gave you the first ever vaginal orgasm of your entire fucking life.
That's because this is never gonna happen again.
It's all psychological.
Trust me.
No, it's because we're great together.
Trust me.
Look once I'm married to Alvarez, we can do this all the time.
That's not gonna work for me.
Besides, if we get caught she'll get deported, and I don't want that to happen to her.
Why are you so concerned about what happens to her all of a sudden? You two talking behind my back? [SCOFFS.]
We don't have to do shit behind your back, 'cause we have nothing to hide from you.
Should I be worried about you two? I think you should be worried about your fight, 'cause you're on your own with Sasquatch, so good luck.
Look, he's gonna kill you if you don't leave.
Damn it, Boz.
At ease.
He's fine.
You okay? I'm fine.
Awaiting your signature, sir.
Can I ask you something? Of course, sir.
Seeing as you're the one requisitioning all the forms for this Roback-Alvarez marriage, does it smell legit to you? I assume so, sir.
Good, 'cause my ass is hanging out the wind here on it.
I just wanna make sure it's not another one of Roback's schemes.
And if it was? Then it would be my pleasure to hang his sorry neck from our flagpole then make sure his corpse biodegrades in a military prison.
It's for real, sir.
There have been rumors about them for a while.
They're kind of perfect for each other, don't you think? Wouldn't know anything about that, but I am starting to have regrets about it already.
Yeah? - Hi.
- Hi.
How you doin'? Good.
So, you been talking to Durkin? Yeah.
She's helping us with the paperwork, remember? What have you guys been talking about? What do you think we talked about? The forms we need to fill out so you and I can get married.
That's all? Okay.
I'm giving you one last chance to back out.
Because we're really getting married, really gonna have to live together.
Really gonna have to keep up appearances.
And then at some point we'll really have to get divorced.
I'm all in on this.
I love you like a sister and what's happening you is just fucking wrong.
Plus, we're entering into this with more of a connection to each other than any real marriage I've ever had the misfortune of observing.
Thank you.
But now that we're putting it all out there, there's an element of this whole thing that's been bothering me.
Okay, what? [CLEARS THROAT.]
I mean, aren't you aren't you even a little attracted to me? [LAUGHTER.]
Is that a problem? No, I just And you're not attracted to me at all, right? That'd be like incest.
God help us.
We're gonna be fine.
Have you told your family? Not yet.
How do you think they'll react? Well my mom and my sisters will love you, and you'll love them.
What about your dad? What are you gonna do to me? You know, you think you're so goddamn smarter than everybody else.
Fuck you! Fuck you! What she and I do is none of your fucking business.
You stay the fuck out of my fucking business.
Swear to God, or I'll give you a goddamn reason.
Me and my dad don't talk very much anymore.

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