A Moody Christmas (2012) s01e05 Episode Script
Water Under the Bridge
MAN: And what is it, Sean? MAN, ON PHONE: Ah, QF1, arriving at 9am.
Great, except it's BA14 arriving at 6am.
I don't have it in front of me.
I've got the email.
If you're not going to be there, just tell me.
I don't want Patience waiting around all day for you.
You reckon she'll come? Yes, of course she's going to turn up.
MAN, ON PHONE: I've heard that before.
(Laughs) Is that Terry? Hey Dan, how's London? Yeah, good Tez.
Dan, do not worry.
Your transport needs are taken care of.
Sorted! Fine.
Just tell me you're going to be there in the morning, Sean.
No worries.
All good, Dan.
Don't worry about the smash and grab.
You'll take him to the house Sean! What are you saying? It's rhyming slang.
Sean.
(Men speak at the same time) Sean.
This is a long distance call! You'll take him to the house, the mickey mouse.
(Men speak at the same time) Oh, my God.
I normally love heat.
This is just oppressive.
(Sighs) Where's your brother? He's probably still in bed.
Ah, I'm Dan Moody.
Mr Moody? Welcome to Australia.
I'm from Australia.
I trust you had a pleasant flight? Yeah.
Who sent My name is Keith.
I'm your driver today.
Right.
Oh, thanks.
Is this as hot as it gets, or does it get more hot? Ah, it's Oh, my God.
Lost luggage? Year 10 formal last night.
Is he OK? # DANCE MUSIC I think I'm going to be sick.
Um, Keith, do these windows go down at all? KEITH: Ah, no.
Well, they do, but the lights don't work when the window's down.
We can probably live with that.
So could you maybe put them .
.
down.
Thanks.
That's good.
Thank you.
OK, that'll be 200 dollars.
Ah, no, I'm Sean's brother.
I'm not 200 dollars for a 20-minute car ride? You still have the car for the hour if you'd like to go for a drive? No, I don't want to go for a drive.
I'm not going to give you 200 dollars.
Take it up with your boss, OK? Merry Christmas.
Let's go.
Dan.
Sean! Sean! Ohh! Bridge, what's Can you lower your voice, please? Hi, Mrs Moody.
Ah no, no, um, it's Bridget, my sister Bridget.
This is Patience.
Yeah, I know.
I was just kidding.
I've got my Dad's dark sense of humour, God rest his soul.
I'm sorry.
He's not dead.
It was an example of my humour.
Where's Sean? What's going on? Yeah, just give me a minute.
When did Sean move out? Oh, about two months ago.
Dad nearly had another heart attack.
Wow.
Thought it'd be till he was 40 at least.
No, that honour's probably going to fall to me.
I lived with my parents last summer.
It was so tragic.
Yeah, well my ex and I- The gay bloke you're adopting with? Yeah.
We just sold our house, so it's just until I find a new place.
Or I kill myself, whichever comes first.
(Laughs) You have such a great sense of humour.
Hey, where are Mum and Dad? Ah, they're visiting Grandma.
She's too sick to come for Christmas lunch.
Is she OK? Yeah, but you should probably go see her.
This could actually be BOTH: Grandma's last Christmas.
(Door opens) OK, I will.
Last Christmas, I shagged an old guy.
He was 80.
I thought he was 80.
Turned out he was 65.
Just kidding.
MAN: Hello! Hey! Here he is.
Wow, look at you two.
How are ya? There you go, mate.
You right? There we go.
Hey, look at you.
Hey? With your hair, look at you.
Fab Four, eh? Groovy! Where's Ringo? You remember Peggy? Yeah, of course.
Peggy, Merry Christmas.
This is Patience.
Hiya.
How're you going? Patience, eh? Parents big Gunners fans, or? # Patience # No? No.
Yeah.
Ah, can I talk to you? Ah what, about the $200 limo scam? Scam? Mate, I gave you the family discount.
Can you believe this guy? It's normally 350.
Oh, well.
Is this about Rhys? What? No, why would I talk about him? Who's Rhys? He's a crazy uncle in jail.
He's out on day release for Christmas.
You'll have the pleasure of meeting him later.
Oh, my God, like a pirate.
A word.
Just for a minute.
The word I think you're thinking about is 'convict'.
Convict.
Well, he's a family member, Sean.
You can't- Mate, he did shoot me.
Yeah, wasn't it an arrow? A crossbow.
Yeah, but just in the leg.
Mate, he could have killed me.
Well, if Rhys come over with a crossbow, then I'll jump in front of you and take the arrow for you, OK? Can I go in now? No, no, no.
Listen.
I'm gonna propose today.
What? I'm gonna propose today.
What? That's amazing, mate.
Congratulations.
Wow.
You be best man? Yeah, I'd be honoured.
That's awesome.
It's gonna be massive.
Yeah? I've already started planning the whole thing.
Big wedding? Big buck's party.
Yeah, right.
I'm thinking Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
Oh yeah, Dad.
So tacky, hey? If he got up there, why couldn't he just take it down? Exactly.
Actually, I don't mind the old and the new.
Dan? MAN: How long have you got, mate? Eight hours, Kev, and I intend to make the most G'day, Sean.
/f Intend to make the most of every minute.
In fact, if I could have everyone's attention, I've got a few things I want to say, and also, I want to present this gift.
Can this wait till after lunch? Oh, well actually, it's pretty important- Food might get cold, mate.
After lunch? Yeah, mate.
(Doorbell rings) DAN: I'll get that.
Sorry.
G'day, Rhys.
Hi.
Come on in.
Hi.
Thanks.
Hayden.
Dan, how are you, mate? Good, good.
How are you? Yep, great.
Awesome.
Fantastic.
In prison, is it segregated? No, no, not really.
You know, like you find your tribe and you kind of look after each other's backs? (Chuckles) My time away has given me an opportunity to look at the person I'd become.
That's great.
And the person, Terry, that I want to be.
That is great.
But when the lights go out, I guess the atmosphere just 'Mummy!' Is it? WOMAN: Cheers, everybody.
ALL: Cheers! Merry Christmas.
ALL: Merry Christmas.
(All cheer) So Kira? Kira? Cora.
Cora.
I heart your top.
(Chuckles) Thanks.
So how did you guys meet? Ah, work.
Patience was modelling at an event that I was filming, so Oh my God.
All I can remember is being completely wankered, and I was going down on him in a cloakroom.
(Laughter) And then I left with the wrong cloak.
DAN: She's kidding.
Yeah, I did.
It was the wrong one.
No (Taps on glass) If I can just have everyone's attention for a minute? Um Peggy, something I just want to ask you.
If you could just finish that mouthful first.
No, no, don't have more.
Actually Rhys- .
.
this is a good opportunity, because I've got a speech I want to make myself.
Well, hang on, hang on.
It's actually fairly important.
Well, hang on, Rhys.
I just- Peggy (Tinkling glass) MAN: Righto, righto, righto! Rhys, after lunch mate.
CHILD: Mummy! Great.
Thanks a lot.
I only got a couple of hours, mate, you know? So Patience seems really nice.
Yeah.
Is this where you make some hilarious joke about her name? PATIENCE: Do hottie now.
I heart her name.
I would never make a joke about it.
Hey.
Hey, mate, how are you? Yes, good.
Good.
Ahem.
Look, I don't know what Cora's told you, Yeah, 'cause if it hadn't had been for your little fling, we wouldn't have got back together and I think he gets it.
Well, I guess, in a way, in a very small way, I've got you to thank for I think you .
.
us being stronger than ever.
.
.
don't need to speak anymore.
We're really strong.
I'm just putting it out there, OK? So yeah, water under the bridge, mate.
Good to hear.
Great.
Glad to hear it.
Lots and lots of water.
Good.
Just that shit's going downstream now to the ocean.
Deep into the ocean.
Got it.
Babe.
Stop.
Do you want dessert or something? I'm still kinda hungry.
Yeah, it's good, the trifle.
Let's get some food.
I'd just like to get a couple of words in here if that's alright.
First, I'd like to say (Clears throat) .
.
thank you so much for that spectacular lunch, Maree, my beautiful sister.
MAN: Hear, hear! Thanks, Mum.
I'd like to say a few words.
If I could just firstly say, Rhys, what a pleasure you've been today.
No, thanks, Terry.
I must say I was actually a bit scared Oh, well that's sort of what I want to talk about today anyway, Terry.
Christmas has been a bit dull since you've been on the inside That's part of what I want to say.
.
.
except for last year's fisticuffs.
Terry.
Terry! Can you sit down?! Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry, Maree.
Just can I just have a word? Hello! OK, Max, this is Christmas.
Say 'hi' to Max, everyone! ALL: Hi, Max! Oh, here's Mummy.
Roger, he's eight years old and the agency said don't call ourselves 'Mummy' and 'Daddy'.
Um, actually, we'd better go.
Oh, to see Mum? Uh, yep.
Oh, do you wanna Can you take Dan with you? Um, no, we've gotta go now.
No, that's cool, we can go another time.
Wait? When? You're going down the coast tomorrow.
Come on, Dan, she'd love to see ya.
Come on.
Patience doesn't want to go to I don't mind, as long as we don't go in that horrid limo.
Oh, steady on.
It's premium.
It was disgusting.
You're disgusting.
Fine Good, goo Good.
Sorted.
Sorry OK.
Bye.
See you, guys.
Bye! KEVIN: Bye, kids.
(Sighs) What, sorry? (Sighs) Is it always this hot or is this some kind of record being attempted here today? Little bit of summer will do us good for a change.
You're just immune to the heat.
It's like that bakery in Paris where you insisted on sitting right near the oven.
The Pain des-something.
Des Anges.
That's it.
Yeah.
Yeah, I love that place.
The way the little croissants pop out the bottom of the oven.
Yeah.
So how how'd you know that? Sorry? The bakery.
You two went to Paris, didn't you? It was for a couple of days, Hayden.
Oh, my God! Did you used to shag? Oh It's really not a big deal.
Oh, kind of is - it's Paris, the city of love.
What Then what happened? Anything else I should know about? Rome? (Gasps) You stole her off him! No, that's not what happened.
Paris.
You prick.
I thought this was water under the bridge.
No, there is no bridge.
The bridge just got washed away.
Wow.
Tres awkward.
This is so like an episode of Neighbours.
Hello, Max.
I understand you've been through some tough times.
I've been through some tough times myself.
I actually had a fairly major heart attack right here on this very spot.
I remember I went down on one leg Dad! Dad, what are you doing? Don't talk about your heart attack.
I'm relating to him.
Well, he's a little Burmese boy, Dad.
He doesn't relate to chronic smokers having heart attacks.
Let's just go back to the lots of love bit.
That was good.
Fine.
OK.
Hm? Uh, yeah, you'll find lots of love for you here from Bridget, Roger and Chris No, don't mention Chris! God, Dad! Oh, well I can't do this stuff.
Look, where is Chris? I thought you wanted him here.
He's still not happy about the way we're going about this whole thing, so Is that right? Yeah, and I told him that I owe it to you for the whole secretly-living-gay thing, but, uh I wouldn't worry about it.
It'll be fine.
He'll come round.
It's just I'll just get a shot of the pool while we're here.
So, Max, this is the pool that your granddad's putting in.
Should be done pretty soon Hey, Pegs.
Coops and I have been chatting a bit and, um, we both feel that Hey.
Oh, hey.
He's a little terror, isn't he, eh? Just like his dad.
Yeah, he's a handful.
Yeah.
Oh, I guess I'm not the only one turning my life around.
I'm proud of you, Sean.
Cheers.
When do you reckon the others will be back? Not sure.
I really want to give 'em this gift.
It's all about saying 'sorry' or something, is it? Oh, no, it goes a little bit deeper than that, Sean.
I really want to make amends.
Oh, good.
I think it's important to make things right.
Yeah.
For things you've done wrong.
Hm.
Argh! Ah! You OK? Yeah, just Oh, sore above the left knee, right here.
I've never heard you mention that before.
Well, it does.
It's very sore and it keeps me awake at nights.
Geez, I hope the others are back soon.
Only got a couple of hours left.
I don't want 'em to miss it.
Yeah.
It's fine, it's fine.
Oh, Grandma Maree.
A few words for Max? Oh, no, no, no, Roger.
I'd rather not.
Come on? No, no.
Mum, you have to be in it.
Darling, I know this is important to you, but Yeah, it is.
.
.
adopting a child with your gay ex-husband, you think this is a great idea? Whoa, cut.
Don't think you should say that.
What about hobbies? Look, just give us a minute, Roger.
Yeah, OK, you two workshop the script and I'll Look, Mum, I know how you feel, but I don't really have much choice now, thanks to you.
I didn't make Roger gay.
Yes, you did.
You invited Chris.
To lunch! Not to have sex with your husband.
Well, now he's like a wild animal.
You give him a taste for meat and he just can't get enough.
Not my problem, Bridge.
Not my problem.
(Sighs) I'm going.
(Knock at the door) Gra-Gra? Where is she? Just here, I was thinking of a little table, you know, half-submerged with a couple of drink-holders I can't wait for the others.
Then in '81 I became a cherry picker in the Adelaide Hills.
Can I have your attention, please? Won't be a second, Rhys.
We've probably got enough Back then there was a glut of Eastern European backpackers We're doing this now! Get over there.
If you don't mind, guys.
Thanks.
(Child giggling) Sean? Peggy? Come on, come on.
Please.
Thank you.
Thanks Peggy.
It's not getting any better, Sean? Nah.
It means a lot to me to be Hang on.
OK, go.
It means a lot for me to be here today.
Taste of freedom.
More importantly, a chance to make amends, to heal the scars that I've caused you all.
About time.
Huh? Love has within it a redemptive power.
There's something about love that builds up and is creative.
There's something about hate that tears down and is destructive.
Martin Luther King Jr.
And I'm proud to say .
.
I love youse all.
Geez.
Hurrah! Hey, Rog.
And it's that love that's helped me create this gift.
This painting .
.
represents all the hurtful events that I've done to youse.
/fo And that's me there as you can see, begging your forgiveness.
It says that she's gone to Christmas lunch with her family.
Well, we're her family.
Um, apparently, she wasn't feeling well and that's why she didn't come over today.
You're kidding, right? You've lost our grandmother on Christmas Day? Hmm? We haven't lost her.
She's not here.
Um I'll be back in a minute.
OK.
OK? I thought maybe over the fireplace.
I see my 21st features.
Yeah.
Yeah, Bridge, something I truly apologise for.
That car.
Is that a Hillman Hunter? Mm.
What, you were the one who torched my car? Yeah.
Why? Oh, I didn't really like you at the time, Kev.
I thought you were a big shot, driving around with me sister.
You prick! I loved that car.
Well, let's not get clouded by anger here Kev, OK? This is symbolic representation of my remorse.
Remember what MLK says It's a painful reminder of all the trouble you caused.
And why would I want to look at a painting of you having sex with the kids' babysitter? That's not Fiona - that's Dashenka.
But you don't see Terry jumping up and down about it.
That's not Dashenka.
Yes, it is.
Look, can we just focus on the message for a moment? Look I am trying to right some wrongs here.
Now, my prison therapist says You're forgetting something pretty major, aren't ya? What's that, Sean? What's that mean? Uh, you shot me.
What do you mean? Oh, the arrow? Yeah, with the arrow.
You shot me with a crossbow.
But that was an accident, Sean.
You shouldn't have been standing in front of me.
I wasn't!/font You were drunk and you spun around and shot me! Look, I am trying to do something here, Sean.
I'm trying to do something, too.
I've been trying to propose all day.
I wanted to make it special, but there you go.
Will you marry me? How was I supposed to know that? Put the arrow into this picture.
Look, it was an accident.
Yeah, and it hurt, and I want an apology! Yes.
Really? Yeah.
Cool.
Rhys, this nearly killed me, OK, and it took me a long time with trust issues.
You shot me in the leg! You nearly killed me! You think Martin Luther King Jr makes it alright again? Look how much you've given to Bridget's thing? Who cares if you took your clothes off? OK, Sean.
Huh? Does this make it better? (All gasp) That make you feel better, Sean? Huh?! I'll cut that out.
Well? No, can't find her anywhere.
Look who I found.
Um, no, that's not her.
Yes it is.
No, it's really not.
So where are we going for Christmas lunch? We're not going anywhere, 'cause you're not our Grandma.
You lied to me! Patience We had a conversation.
No heaven for you now.
No, I don't think so.
We had a conversation, eye to eye.
She's just a bit she's probably confused and Gwen! Well, she's mental.
Hey, where are you going? I'm gonna sort this shit out! Psycho's gone.
You know, I actually quite like it.
Anything can be a weapon.
That's prison.
Anyone seen America's Hardest Prisons? A sharpened toothbrush.
We'll get some more at New Years.
Oh.
(Car horn) Oh, that'll be Chris.
Ooh-ah! See ya, guys.
SEAN: See, ya, Rog.
Sorry, Rog.
Dental floss? Chris.
Oh, hey, Bridget.
How'd your little video thing go? Good, good.
Great.
Yeah, so anyway, we'd better get going.
You want to have children one day, don't you Chris? Well, I know you do.
Roger told me.
I don't remember saying that.
Anyway, I thought this, us adopting, that could be your chance.
Yeah, well, I'm totally for adoption, Bridget, but pretending to be with someone just to get something you want Well, technically we are still married.
Yeah, look, I'll sign the divorce papers, no worries.
I know that's really important to you.
I may have said that when I was It's not a big deal.
It's just that I've been trying to have a child for so long now, I'd hate for anything or anyone to derail that.
You know, when I'm so close Look, we're on board now, so Yeah, I'm talking to Chris.
We just want what is best for Max.
(Gasps) Exactly.
Thanks, Maree.
Bye.
Anything else you wanna tell her about us? I just had a couple of drinks, OK? Other things that I like? I haven't seen 'em in a couple of years.
/ # On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me # A pigeon in a tree # Number 89.
So how long have you two been? A few weeks.
Yeah.
# True love gave # Poor thing.
I dragged her out here, but I didn't know that she She was into geriatric striptease? No, I didn't.
# Three mocking birds and a # It was just to make you jealous, to be honest.
Well, it completely worked, because I cannot do that.
No, that's that's a skill.
# .
.
day of Christmas # (Both chuckle) # .
.
my true love gave to me # Six dingoes laying # I should never have gone back to London and taken that job.
# On the # (Thud) Oh.
Oh, my God.
Mayday.
Mayday.
Bloody Rhys.
I had the whole thing planned, you know? Really? Yeah.
Watch this.
OK, will you marry me? Yeah, I said 'yes'.
(Bang) # WAGNER: Bridal Chorus How good would that have been? Well, put that down.
No, it's alright.
Get better, Harvey! Such a sweetheart.
Oh, my God.
Look at your crisp packets.
So when you were speaking before about making a mistake about going back for that job Yeah, I was just joking.
Yeah, yeah, it's Why? Yeah.
It's just great that we can be friends.
I think so too.
Me too.
It's You know, we gave it a go.
Totally.
And why make it awkward when it doesn't have to be? So Well, this place is a joke.
I'm going to go find someone to sue.
OK.
You coming with me? Yes, I am.
Good luck.
Thanks.
It's a death trap.
60 Minutes is gonna eat it up.
(Moans) Don't move.
Don't move.
(Moans) (Sighs) That was pretty.
(Giggles) (Weeps) Come on now.
Sorry.
I love you.
Say it.
I want you inside me.
No, say 'I love you'.
Oh.
Yeah, me too.
No, say the words.
What words? Say 'I love you'.
You said it.
You said you loved me.
I've said it.
Now you say it.
Say it! Say it! Ruined it now, haven't ya! Ruined it.
His own leg or ? Mate, that doesn't matter.
She said 'yes'.
That's all that matters.
Um, Sean, I'm going to have to call you back, OK? Yeah, OK, I'll tell Gra-Gra.
Alright, bye.
Gra-Gra, there you are.
Ah, hello, dear.
Been looking for you.
Everybody has.
Oh, that's nice.
I thought you were too sick to come today.
Oh, you know I love you all very dearly.
Sometimes I need a year off.
Oh, so is it OK if I join you? Yeah, of course.
Harvey's coming over for a game later.
Harvey? He's, uh Has Harvey got white hair, green vest? That's him.
Yeah, yeah, he might be a little while.
Maybe we should play a game first.
Yeah.
Yeah? font color= Want a drink? I'd love a drink.
Hey, guess what? Sean got engaged.
He didn't? He did.
Oh, bless him.
Oh, perhaps I should have gone now.
Oh, I think this is good.
You've known him for two seconds.
He's my son, Sean.
Yeah, adopted.
I'm biological.
Does that mean anything? Can we not relive it? It was a stupid mistake.
Is that all you've got to say? Merry Christmas.
Is Oksana a prostitute? Why say that? Just when she offered me sex in exchange for money.
Can't believe you fell for it.
No, let me finish.
If you let Cora slip through Sean! Sean! PEGGY: Remember what happened last time? No, no! Oh! Oh, go! Drive!
Great, except it's BA14 arriving at 6am.
I don't have it in front of me.
I've got the email.
If you're not going to be there, just tell me.
I don't want Patience waiting around all day for you.
You reckon she'll come? Yes, of course she's going to turn up.
MAN, ON PHONE: I've heard that before.
(Laughs) Is that Terry? Hey Dan, how's London? Yeah, good Tez.
Dan, do not worry.
Your transport needs are taken care of.
Sorted! Fine.
Just tell me you're going to be there in the morning, Sean.
No worries.
All good, Dan.
Don't worry about the smash and grab.
You'll take him to the house Sean! What are you saying? It's rhyming slang.
Sean.
(Men speak at the same time) Sean.
This is a long distance call! You'll take him to the house, the mickey mouse.
(Men speak at the same time) Oh, my God.
I normally love heat.
This is just oppressive.
(Sighs) Where's your brother? He's probably still in bed.
Ah, I'm Dan Moody.
Mr Moody? Welcome to Australia.
I'm from Australia.
I trust you had a pleasant flight? Yeah.
Who sent My name is Keith.
I'm your driver today.
Right.
Oh, thanks.
Is this as hot as it gets, or does it get more hot? Ah, it's Oh, my God.
Lost luggage? Year 10 formal last night.
Is he OK? # DANCE MUSIC I think I'm going to be sick.
Um, Keith, do these windows go down at all? KEITH: Ah, no.
Well, they do, but the lights don't work when the window's down.
We can probably live with that.
So could you maybe put them .
.
down.
Thanks.
That's good.
Thank you.
OK, that'll be 200 dollars.
Ah, no, I'm Sean's brother.
I'm not 200 dollars for a 20-minute car ride? You still have the car for the hour if you'd like to go for a drive? No, I don't want to go for a drive.
I'm not going to give you 200 dollars.
Take it up with your boss, OK? Merry Christmas.
Let's go.
Dan.
Sean! Sean! Ohh! Bridge, what's Can you lower your voice, please? Hi, Mrs Moody.
Ah no, no, um, it's Bridget, my sister Bridget.
This is Patience.
Yeah, I know.
I was just kidding.
I've got my Dad's dark sense of humour, God rest his soul.
I'm sorry.
He's not dead.
It was an example of my humour.
Where's Sean? What's going on? Yeah, just give me a minute.
When did Sean move out? Oh, about two months ago.
Dad nearly had another heart attack.
Wow.
Thought it'd be till he was 40 at least.
No, that honour's probably going to fall to me.
I lived with my parents last summer.
It was so tragic.
Yeah, well my ex and I- The gay bloke you're adopting with? Yeah.
We just sold our house, so it's just until I find a new place.
Or I kill myself, whichever comes first.
(Laughs) You have such a great sense of humour.
Hey, where are Mum and Dad? Ah, they're visiting Grandma.
She's too sick to come for Christmas lunch.
Is she OK? Yeah, but you should probably go see her.
This could actually be BOTH: Grandma's last Christmas.
(Door opens) OK, I will.
Last Christmas, I shagged an old guy.
He was 80.
I thought he was 80.
Turned out he was 65.
Just kidding.
MAN: Hello! Hey! Here he is.
Wow, look at you two.
How are ya? There you go, mate.
You right? There we go.
Hey, look at you.
Hey? With your hair, look at you.
Fab Four, eh? Groovy! Where's Ringo? You remember Peggy? Yeah, of course.
Peggy, Merry Christmas.
This is Patience.
Hiya.
How're you going? Patience, eh? Parents big Gunners fans, or? # Patience # No? No.
Yeah.
Ah, can I talk to you? Ah what, about the $200 limo scam? Scam? Mate, I gave you the family discount.
Can you believe this guy? It's normally 350.
Oh, well.
Is this about Rhys? What? No, why would I talk about him? Who's Rhys? He's a crazy uncle in jail.
He's out on day release for Christmas.
You'll have the pleasure of meeting him later.
Oh, my God, like a pirate.
A word.
Just for a minute.
The word I think you're thinking about is 'convict'.
Convict.
Well, he's a family member, Sean.
You can't- Mate, he did shoot me.
Yeah, wasn't it an arrow? A crossbow.
Yeah, but just in the leg.
Mate, he could have killed me.
Well, if Rhys come over with a crossbow, then I'll jump in front of you and take the arrow for you, OK? Can I go in now? No, no, no.
Listen.
I'm gonna propose today.
What? I'm gonna propose today.
What? That's amazing, mate.
Congratulations.
Wow.
You be best man? Yeah, I'd be honoured.
That's awesome.
It's gonna be massive.
Yeah? I've already started planning the whole thing.
Big wedding? Big buck's party.
Yeah, right.
I'm thinking Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
Oh yeah, Dad.
So tacky, hey? If he got up there, why couldn't he just take it down? Exactly.
Actually, I don't mind the old and the new.
Dan? MAN: How long have you got, mate? Eight hours, Kev, and I intend to make the most G'day, Sean.
/f Intend to make the most of every minute.
In fact, if I could have everyone's attention, I've got a few things I want to say, and also, I want to present this gift.
Can this wait till after lunch? Oh, well actually, it's pretty important- Food might get cold, mate.
After lunch? Yeah, mate.
(Doorbell rings) DAN: I'll get that.
Sorry.
G'day, Rhys.
Hi.
Come on in.
Hi.
Thanks.
Hayden.
Dan, how are you, mate? Good, good.
How are you? Yep, great.
Awesome.
Fantastic.
In prison, is it segregated? No, no, not really.
You know, like you find your tribe and you kind of look after each other's backs? (Chuckles) My time away has given me an opportunity to look at the person I'd become.
That's great.
And the person, Terry, that I want to be.
That is great.
But when the lights go out, I guess the atmosphere just 'Mummy!' Is it? WOMAN: Cheers, everybody.
ALL: Cheers! Merry Christmas.
ALL: Merry Christmas.
(All cheer) So Kira? Kira? Cora.
Cora.
I heart your top.
(Chuckles) Thanks.
So how did you guys meet? Ah, work.
Patience was modelling at an event that I was filming, so Oh my God.
All I can remember is being completely wankered, and I was going down on him in a cloakroom.
(Laughter) And then I left with the wrong cloak.
DAN: She's kidding.
Yeah, I did.
It was the wrong one.
No (Taps on glass) If I can just have everyone's attention for a minute? Um Peggy, something I just want to ask you.
If you could just finish that mouthful first.
No, no, don't have more.
Actually Rhys- .
.
this is a good opportunity, because I've got a speech I want to make myself.
Well, hang on, hang on.
It's actually fairly important.
Well, hang on, Rhys.
I just- Peggy (Tinkling glass) MAN: Righto, righto, righto! Rhys, after lunch mate.
CHILD: Mummy! Great.
Thanks a lot.
I only got a couple of hours, mate, you know? So Patience seems really nice.
Yeah.
Is this where you make some hilarious joke about her name? PATIENCE: Do hottie now.
I heart her name.
I would never make a joke about it.
Hey.
Hey, mate, how are you? Yes, good.
Good.
Ahem.
Look, I don't know what Cora's told you, Yeah, 'cause if it hadn't had been for your little fling, we wouldn't have got back together and I think he gets it.
Well, I guess, in a way, in a very small way, I've got you to thank for I think you .
.
us being stronger than ever.
.
.
don't need to speak anymore.
We're really strong.
I'm just putting it out there, OK? So yeah, water under the bridge, mate.
Good to hear.
Great.
Glad to hear it.
Lots and lots of water.
Good.
Just that shit's going downstream now to the ocean.
Deep into the ocean.
Got it.
Babe.
Stop.
Do you want dessert or something? I'm still kinda hungry.
Yeah, it's good, the trifle.
Let's get some food.
I'd just like to get a couple of words in here if that's alright.
First, I'd like to say (Clears throat) .
.
thank you so much for that spectacular lunch, Maree, my beautiful sister.
MAN: Hear, hear! Thanks, Mum.
I'd like to say a few words.
If I could just firstly say, Rhys, what a pleasure you've been today.
No, thanks, Terry.
I must say I was actually a bit scared Oh, well that's sort of what I want to talk about today anyway, Terry.
Christmas has been a bit dull since you've been on the inside That's part of what I want to say.
.
.
except for last year's fisticuffs.
Terry.
Terry! Can you sit down?! Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry, Maree.
Just can I just have a word? Hello! OK, Max, this is Christmas.
Say 'hi' to Max, everyone! ALL: Hi, Max! Oh, here's Mummy.
Roger, he's eight years old and the agency said don't call ourselves 'Mummy' and 'Daddy'.
Um, actually, we'd better go.
Oh, to see Mum? Uh, yep.
Oh, do you wanna Can you take Dan with you? Um, no, we've gotta go now.
No, that's cool, we can go another time.
Wait? When? You're going down the coast tomorrow.
Come on, Dan, she'd love to see ya.
Come on.
Patience doesn't want to go to I don't mind, as long as we don't go in that horrid limo.
Oh, steady on.
It's premium.
It was disgusting.
You're disgusting.
Fine Good, goo Good.
Sorted.
Sorry OK.
Bye.
See you, guys.
Bye! KEVIN: Bye, kids.
(Sighs) What, sorry? (Sighs) Is it always this hot or is this some kind of record being attempted here today? Little bit of summer will do us good for a change.
You're just immune to the heat.
It's like that bakery in Paris where you insisted on sitting right near the oven.
The Pain des-something.
Des Anges.
That's it.
Yeah.
Yeah, I love that place.
The way the little croissants pop out the bottom of the oven.
Yeah.
So how how'd you know that? Sorry? The bakery.
You two went to Paris, didn't you? It was for a couple of days, Hayden.
Oh, my God! Did you used to shag? Oh It's really not a big deal.
Oh, kind of is - it's Paris, the city of love.
What Then what happened? Anything else I should know about? Rome? (Gasps) You stole her off him! No, that's not what happened.
Paris.
You prick.
I thought this was water under the bridge.
No, there is no bridge.
The bridge just got washed away.
Wow.
Tres awkward.
This is so like an episode of Neighbours.
Hello, Max.
I understand you've been through some tough times.
I've been through some tough times myself.
I actually had a fairly major heart attack right here on this very spot.
I remember I went down on one leg Dad! Dad, what are you doing? Don't talk about your heart attack.
I'm relating to him.
Well, he's a little Burmese boy, Dad.
He doesn't relate to chronic smokers having heart attacks.
Let's just go back to the lots of love bit.
That was good.
Fine.
OK.
Hm? Uh, yeah, you'll find lots of love for you here from Bridget, Roger and Chris No, don't mention Chris! God, Dad! Oh, well I can't do this stuff.
Look, where is Chris? I thought you wanted him here.
He's still not happy about the way we're going about this whole thing, so Is that right? Yeah, and I told him that I owe it to you for the whole secretly-living-gay thing, but, uh I wouldn't worry about it.
It'll be fine.
He'll come round.
It's just I'll just get a shot of the pool while we're here.
So, Max, this is the pool that your granddad's putting in.
Should be done pretty soon Hey, Pegs.
Coops and I have been chatting a bit and, um, we both feel that Hey.
Oh, hey.
He's a little terror, isn't he, eh? Just like his dad.
Yeah, he's a handful.
Yeah.
Oh, I guess I'm not the only one turning my life around.
I'm proud of you, Sean.
Cheers.
When do you reckon the others will be back? Not sure.
I really want to give 'em this gift.
It's all about saying 'sorry' or something, is it? Oh, no, it goes a little bit deeper than that, Sean.
I really want to make amends.
Oh, good.
I think it's important to make things right.
Yeah.
For things you've done wrong.
Hm.
Argh! Ah! You OK? Yeah, just Oh, sore above the left knee, right here.
I've never heard you mention that before.
Well, it does.
It's very sore and it keeps me awake at nights.
Geez, I hope the others are back soon.
Only got a couple of hours left.
I don't want 'em to miss it.
Yeah.
It's fine, it's fine.
Oh, Grandma Maree.
A few words for Max? Oh, no, no, no, Roger.
I'd rather not.
Come on? No, no.
Mum, you have to be in it.
Darling, I know this is important to you, but Yeah, it is.
.
.
adopting a child with your gay ex-husband, you think this is a great idea? Whoa, cut.
Don't think you should say that.
What about hobbies? Look, just give us a minute, Roger.
Yeah, OK, you two workshop the script and I'll Look, Mum, I know how you feel, but I don't really have much choice now, thanks to you.
I didn't make Roger gay.
Yes, you did.
You invited Chris.
To lunch! Not to have sex with your husband.
Well, now he's like a wild animal.
You give him a taste for meat and he just can't get enough.
Not my problem, Bridge.
Not my problem.
(Sighs) I'm going.
(Knock at the door) Gra-Gra? Where is she? Just here, I was thinking of a little table, you know, half-submerged with a couple of drink-holders I can't wait for the others.
Then in '81 I became a cherry picker in the Adelaide Hills.
Can I have your attention, please? Won't be a second, Rhys.
We've probably got enough Back then there was a glut of Eastern European backpackers We're doing this now! Get over there.
If you don't mind, guys.
Thanks.
(Child giggling) Sean? Peggy? Come on, come on.
Please.
Thank you.
Thanks Peggy.
It's not getting any better, Sean? Nah.
It means a lot to me to be Hang on.
OK, go.
It means a lot for me to be here today.
Taste of freedom.
More importantly, a chance to make amends, to heal the scars that I've caused you all.
About time.
Huh? Love has within it a redemptive power.
There's something about love that builds up and is creative.
There's something about hate that tears down and is destructive.
Martin Luther King Jr.
And I'm proud to say .
.
I love youse all.
Geez.
Hurrah! Hey, Rog.
And it's that love that's helped me create this gift.
This painting .
.
represents all the hurtful events that I've done to youse.
/fo And that's me there as you can see, begging your forgiveness.
It says that she's gone to Christmas lunch with her family.
Well, we're her family.
Um, apparently, she wasn't feeling well and that's why she didn't come over today.
You're kidding, right? You've lost our grandmother on Christmas Day? Hmm? We haven't lost her.
She's not here.
Um I'll be back in a minute.
OK.
OK? I thought maybe over the fireplace.
I see my 21st features.
Yeah.
Yeah, Bridge, something I truly apologise for.
That car.
Is that a Hillman Hunter? Mm.
What, you were the one who torched my car? Yeah.
Why? Oh, I didn't really like you at the time, Kev.
I thought you were a big shot, driving around with me sister.
You prick! I loved that car.
Well, let's not get clouded by anger here Kev, OK? This is symbolic representation of my remorse.
Remember what MLK says It's a painful reminder of all the trouble you caused.
And why would I want to look at a painting of you having sex with the kids' babysitter? That's not Fiona - that's Dashenka.
But you don't see Terry jumping up and down about it.
That's not Dashenka.
Yes, it is.
Look, can we just focus on the message for a moment? Look I am trying to right some wrongs here.
Now, my prison therapist says You're forgetting something pretty major, aren't ya? What's that, Sean? What's that mean? Uh, you shot me.
What do you mean? Oh, the arrow? Yeah, with the arrow.
You shot me with a crossbow.
But that was an accident, Sean.
You shouldn't have been standing in front of me.
I wasn't!/font You were drunk and you spun around and shot me! Look, I am trying to do something here, Sean.
I'm trying to do something, too.
I've been trying to propose all day.
I wanted to make it special, but there you go.
Will you marry me? How was I supposed to know that? Put the arrow into this picture.
Look, it was an accident.
Yeah, and it hurt, and I want an apology! Yes.
Really? Yeah.
Cool.
Rhys, this nearly killed me, OK, and it took me a long time with trust issues.
You shot me in the leg! You nearly killed me! You think Martin Luther King Jr makes it alright again? Look how much you've given to Bridget's thing? Who cares if you took your clothes off? OK, Sean.
Huh? Does this make it better? (All gasp) That make you feel better, Sean? Huh?! I'll cut that out.
Well? No, can't find her anywhere.
Look who I found.
Um, no, that's not her.
Yes it is.
No, it's really not.
So where are we going for Christmas lunch? We're not going anywhere, 'cause you're not our Grandma.
You lied to me! Patience We had a conversation.
No heaven for you now.
No, I don't think so.
We had a conversation, eye to eye.
She's just a bit she's probably confused and Gwen! Well, she's mental.
Hey, where are you going? I'm gonna sort this shit out! Psycho's gone.
You know, I actually quite like it.
Anything can be a weapon.
That's prison.
Anyone seen America's Hardest Prisons? A sharpened toothbrush.
We'll get some more at New Years.
Oh.
(Car horn) Oh, that'll be Chris.
Ooh-ah! See ya, guys.
SEAN: See, ya, Rog.
Sorry, Rog.
Dental floss? Chris.
Oh, hey, Bridget.
How'd your little video thing go? Good, good.
Great.
Yeah, so anyway, we'd better get going.
You want to have children one day, don't you Chris? Well, I know you do.
Roger told me.
I don't remember saying that.
Anyway, I thought this, us adopting, that could be your chance.
Yeah, well, I'm totally for adoption, Bridget, but pretending to be with someone just to get something you want Well, technically we are still married.
Yeah, look, I'll sign the divorce papers, no worries.
I know that's really important to you.
I may have said that when I was It's not a big deal.
It's just that I've been trying to have a child for so long now, I'd hate for anything or anyone to derail that.
You know, when I'm so close Look, we're on board now, so Yeah, I'm talking to Chris.
We just want what is best for Max.
(Gasps) Exactly.
Thanks, Maree.
Bye.
Anything else you wanna tell her about us? I just had a couple of drinks, OK? Other things that I like? I haven't seen 'em in a couple of years.
/ # On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me # A pigeon in a tree # Number 89.
So how long have you two been? A few weeks.
Yeah.
# True love gave # Poor thing.
I dragged her out here, but I didn't know that she She was into geriatric striptease? No, I didn't.
# Three mocking birds and a # It was just to make you jealous, to be honest.
Well, it completely worked, because I cannot do that.
No, that's that's a skill.
# .
.
day of Christmas # (Both chuckle) # .
.
my true love gave to me # Six dingoes laying # I should never have gone back to London and taken that job.
# On the # (Thud) Oh.
Oh, my God.
Mayday.
Mayday.
Bloody Rhys.
I had the whole thing planned, you know? Really? Yeah.
Watch this.
OK, will you marry me? Yeah, I said 'yes'.
(Bang) # WAGNER: Bridal Chorus How good would that have been? Well, put that down.
No, it's alright.
Get better, Harvey! Such a sweetheart.
Oh, my God.
Look at your crisp packets.
So when you were speaking before about making a mistake about going back for that job Yeah, I was just joking.
Yeah, yeah, it's Why? Yeah.
It's just great that we can be friends.
I think so too.
Me too.
It's You know, we gave it a go.
Totally.
And why make it awkward when it doesn't have to be? So Well, this place is a joke.
I'm going to go find someone to sue.
OK.
You coming with me? Yes, I am.
Good luck.
Thanks.
It's a death trap.
60 Minutes is gonna eat it up.
(Moans) Don't move.
Don't move.
(Moans) (Sighs) That was pretty.
(Giggles) (Weeps) Come on now.
Sorry.
I love you.
Say it.
I want you inside me.
No, say 'I love you'.
Oh.
Yeah, me too.
No, say the words.
What words? Say 'I love you'.
You said it.
You said you loved me.
I've said it.
Now you say it.
Say it! Say it! Ruined it now, haven't ya! Ruined it.
His own leg or ? Mate, that doesn't matter.
She said 'yes'.
That's all that matters.
Um, Sean, I'm going to have to call you back, OK? Yeah, OK, I'll tell Gra-Gra.
Alright, bye.
Gra-Gra, there you are.
Ah, hello, dear.
Been looking for you.
Everybody has.
Oh, that's nice.
I thought you were too sick to come today.
Oh, you know I love you all very dearly.
Sometimes I need a year off.
Oh, so is it OK if I join you? Yeah, of course.
Harvey's coming over for a game later.
Harvey? He's, uh Has Harvey got white hair, green vest? That's him.
Yeah, yeah, he might be a little while.
Maybe we should play a game first.
Yeah.
Yeah? font color= Want a drink? I'd love a drink.
Hey, guess what? Sean got engaged.
He didn't? He did.
Oh, bless him.
Oh, perhaps I should have gone now.
Oh, I think this is good.
You've known him for two seconds.
He's my son, Sean.
Yeah, adopted.
I'm biological.
Does that mean anything? Can we not relive it? It was a stupid mistake.
Is that all you've got to say? Merry Christmas.
Is Oksana a prostitute? Why say that? Just when she offered me sex in exchange for money.
Can't believe you fell for it.
No, let me finish.
If you let Cora slip through Sean! Sean! PEGGY: Remember what happened last time? No, no! Oh! Oh, go! Drive!