A Moody Christmas (2012) s01e06 Episode Script
Last Minute Airfare
(Shivers) # Remember when we used to say # That nothing would ever come between us # You'd say love is deaf and dumb and blind # But I would say that it's a genius BOTH: # The odds are fixed I'm turning tricks # My timing's always wrong # (Phone bleeps) # The sinners always laughed about # The things that we can never move on from # But so what? It is only love # (Phone bleeps) Oi! Mate.
My God, you're actually here.
Yeah.
Been here 38 minutes.
Do you know how much that costs in parking? Um You're about to find out.
Let's go.
Why why are you in Terry's car? Uh my car had a bit of a pyrotechnics mishap.
Pyrotechnics? Yeah, mate.
Check it out.
'Dying High Funeral Fireworks'.
Yeah.
You pack the ashes right into the canister, you send 'em out.
(IMITATES EXPLOSION) Beautiful.
'Sending your loved-ones 600ft over.
' Is that a joke? Yeah, well, here's the punch line, mate - it's a growth industry.
And business is kabooming.
Have some respect, mate.
That's people dying, OK? You joke about it but you don't see what I see.
Fine.
Anyway, I thought you were serious about not coming home this time.
Uh, yeah, I was.
Please don't tell me it's for Gra-Gra's last Christmas.
Nope.
Normally you'd come back for Cora, but she's with Hayden, so I'm confused.
No! She sent me a text message.
She told me she still wants me.
Bullshit.
She did.
I was I don't know, it was like fate or something.
I was sitting there looking at her name on my phone, and then, half an hour later, she she sends me a text.
Dude, that is awesome! I know, it's huge.
Why didn't she pick you up? Well, I haven't told her yet.
I wanted it to be a surprise.
So We're going there now.
No, I have to go home and have a shower and No, come on.
Let's do it.
We could go there now.
Let's go.
What's I'm not missing this.
Let's go.
Come on, this is life.
This is real.
Alright, let's Dan, we're doin' it.
Let's go there now.
You're doin' it.
Come on! (EXHALES HEAVILY) It's beautiful.
You crying? No.
I just came from work, and Mr and Mrs Goetz, we we sent 'em out over the heads in a double blooming chrysanthemum.
It was actually really they were together their whole lives, so Wow.
Um, maybe just, uh, give us a sec.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm proud of you, dude.
Thanks, mate.
Dan.
You're the best.
Dan.
Quick enough? I know.
I-I should have called, but, I just You know, it is the silly season, so Yeah, but I didn't know you were back.
Well, I don't know, I just got your text message and I thought, you know what? What the hell, I'm just going to do it.
Yeah.
Yeah, 'cause you were calling me, and so I texted.
Yeah, yeah What did you want? 'Cause you texted the well, 'You want me? Hurry up.
' Yeah, oh, 'cause I was in bed and so I was like, 'Oh, hurry up.
' 'Cause I wanted to go to sleep.
Ahh.
Oh, that's that Hang on, hang on, what's happened? Is this what you were? Oh, dude! You've you've pocket-dialled her.
So you just thought he was Did you think from this? Dude! How could you misinterpret that? Were you drunk? No Ohh.
Sorry.
It's No, it's fine.
Ohh! Sean Sean Dan! Oh, you quit your job! Oh, I'm Ohh! (Chuckles) What a joke! I, um He We came straight from the airport! (Laughs) DAN: Sean! OK, OK.
Sorry.
Shit.
Do you wish you were dead right now? 'Cause I think I would.
You came you came from London, we're not just talking across town.
You came from the other side of the world OK.
.
.
based on that text! Mm-hm.
That's That's the sort of stupid thing Terry I don't think Terry would even do something like that OK, we just don't need to talk about it, Sean.
Let's just drop it.
OK? And that last minute airfare, that couldn't have been cheap.
It's like like you know when you get that pop-up saying you may have won a million dollars OK, seriously, Sean.
That's enough.
Like you don't believe that, do you? You decided to come back! Ooh, I'm so excited you changed your mind.
I'm glad someone is.
Max is so excited to meet you.
What's wrong with you? (Stifles laughter) I just Hey, Dad.
.
.
can't believe he's back.
It's really good.
Oh, good.
Hey, oh, special surprise for us later.
You and me.
Not the band.
A surprise.
A special surprise.
You'll like it.
You'll want it.
Definitely.
# Star of wonder # Star of night # Star with royal beauty bright # Westward leading # Oh, Max, this is Dan.
Pleased to meet you, bro.
You too, bro.
Well, technically he's your nephew.
Mum, can I call him Uncle Dan? Of course you can.
Yeah.
Why don't you call me Uncle Sean? Hey, is that the new DS? Yes.
Bridge, I asked you for that! Calm down, I'm sure Max'll let you have a go.
Your fat fingers might break it.
(Chuckles) I like him.
Seriously, I'm your brother.
You've known him for two seconds.
He's my son, Sean.
Adopted.
I'm biological.
Doesn't that mean anything? Righto, everyone.
If you'd like to join me outside for your present.
Come on, come on.
(Chuckles) Is that is that the 3-D? Yes.
Can I just have a go? Can I just have a little? Try that again, and see what happens.
Yeah, what are you gonna do? You don't want to know.
I'm from the badlands, bro.
Dude, you left Burma when you were two months old.
Doesn't matter.
It's in my blood.
You grew up in Canberra, Max! Until they got rid of ya.
Probably because you didn't share personal electronic devices with other people like good children should.
I'm gonna kill you, Sean.
What'd you say? BRIDGET: Sean! What did you say? Are you alright, darling? Did you hear what he said? Come on, darling.
Come with me.
Say it again.
Say it again! Leave him alone.
Why do you always take his side? Say it again.
I was gonna wait for Terry and your Mum, but No, they won't mind.
What about Hayden? I told you.
He's going to Cora's instead.
OK, right, uh Alright, I'll, uh, keep you in suspense no longer.
As you know, this has been a project of mine for four years now.
Try six! Hasn't been six! Ah, yes, it has.
You started digging the year you put up that stupid sign In all that time, there have been a lot of naysayers who said it'd never happen.
But the Moody family is a pool family now.
No longer will pool people be able to look down their noses at us.
No longer are we in the gutter looking up at the swimming pools in the sky.
Oh, come on, love.
The oven's on.
Fine.
Uh Pool's open.
(All cheer and applaud) Can I go in? Course.
That's the idea, young fella.
Come on.
Beep, beep.
Here's Mum now.
We missed it.
Just.
Sorry.
Bugger! Oksana took forever to get her kit on.
The cycle lanes on Doonan Road have completely destroyed the flow.
You didn't miss much.
Oksana, darling.
Come and have a look at the pool, Gra-Gra.
Oh, Kevin, it looks so beautiful.
I'm so glad I'm still here to see it.
Yeah, well done.
Thanks, Mum.
No.
No, no, not you, Sean! No! Sean! How are you goin'? Uh yeah, fine.
So, Dan, what's the story with Cora? It's It's complicated.
It's OK to hurt.
But the lion doesn't run from the gazelle.
You know what I mean? You're a weird kid, Max.
Just think about it.
(Doorbell rings) (Slurps drink) Hi.
Hi.
Um, Dad Dad finished the pool finally, so I thought you guys weren't coming round today.
No, we're not.
So, look, I just wanted to say sorry about the misunderstanding.
No.
Why? It's not your fault.
Did you really jump on a plane because of my text? No.
No.
You know, I was thinking of coming home anyway, so 'Cause Sean said you quit your job.
Yeah, but that's just you know, I was just something I'd been putting off.
It was time to do it.
Oh.
Yeah.
Look, I appreciate you coming round, but you don't have to feel sorry for me, so I don't.
Why Why are you getting so defensive? I'm not being defensive.
You're the one demanding answers.
I'm not being demanding.
You just You show up on my doorstep out of the blue, after I haven't heard from you in months Yeah, OK, I was there.
Can we not relive it? It was a stupid mistake, OK? And I I've I'm an idiot.
And I would just rather forget about the whole thing.
So Is that all you've got to say? Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
So, where's my boy? Oh, he's still in the pool.
He loves it.
You never told me how the gay marriage rally went the other week.
Oh, it was tremendous.
Yeah, great turnout.
You know, people are really getting behind this, aren't they? Oh, yeah, big time.
No, it's fantastic.
It's, uh a bit hot though.
You know, I didn't realise we'd be out in the sun for three hours.
It's OK for you, but for me it's But, you know, important to be there.
So that's the main thing.
Yeah, yeah, it really is.
We've got another one coming up the week after next in Canberra.
Yeah.
If I can get the time off work.
Just might be tricky.
We're thinking of taking Max down.
Mm.
I don't want him missing school, though, so that's the only School's not back for ages.
Yeah.
Yeah, no, I know that.
It's just, uh, yeah, just double checking.
And you're OK with it? It's all? Why wouldn't I be? You signed those papers, too.
You're his dad.
Yeah, yeah, no, just sort of checking in with co-parent.
That's good news.
That's great.
So what can we do to help? Great.
I am starving! Starving, are you? Oh, it's a figure of speech, Max.
I've seen starving and it doesn't look anything like you.
Oh, tell us all about it, Burma.
Sean! It's not even called that anymore, idiot.
Oh, what is it called, then? Sean! I looked it up on a map.
Sean.
So, uh, you gonna go for a dip in the pool later, Gra-Gra? Oh, no, I don't think so, pet.
(Phone rings) OKSANA: Yes, hello? Delicious, Maree, as always.
Beautiful, darling.
Yes, I'm here till six o'clock.
What sort of chemicals are you using in the pool there, Kevvie? Chlorine.
(Speaks Russian) Ah, really? Is that, uh, granular or stabilised chlorine? I wouldn't have a clue, Tez.
Hold on.
You'll be getting a pool shed next, I suppose.
So, um, is Oksana a prostitute? Sean! (Chuckles) What What on earth makes you say that? Oh, just when she offered me 'sex' in exchange for 'money'.
Sean! Don't speak like that in front of Max.
What? It's just her sense of humour, Seanie, you know.
She's just pulling your chain.
Your leg.
Can't believe you fell for it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She really had me going when she gave me her card.
BRIDGET: Oh my God.
Exotic East Escorts.
It's actually a pretty classy card, though.
She's totally nude.
Terry, what the hell? Alright.
Alright.
Alright, yeah.
But it's only a companionship booking, OK? There is nothing kinky.
Why would you bring a prostitute to our house on Christmas Day? Escort.
In front of my son.
Look, I'm sorry, Max.
It's fine.
I just well, you know, I'm under a lot of pressure here.
Each year I turn up with some exotic beauty on my arm.
I mean, Dashenka and Irena, they were they were just top shelf.
Were they hookers, too? (Stifled laughter) Thank you.
That's really lovely.
Thank you very much, Gwen.
Can I have my card back? No.
And how long have you been using these services? I don't! Alright? Just Just today.
Just so much expectation I have to live up to with this bloody family all the time.
I mean, Sean, Dan, they look up to me, and I didn't want to let 'em down.
So I guess the pressure just got to me.
Give it! No, stop it! No, it's OK.
I have many more card.
I'm not very happy with this flagrant self-promotion, Oksana.
You're meant to be my girlfriend today.
I am your girlfriend just today.
Tomorrow I will be his girlfriend or her girlfriend.
Together, we can make sex party, yes? Or, I can be your girlfriend.
If you want, I extend booking.
No.
I don't think so.
Ohh.
Lover boy, don't be like that.
No, don't.
Don't Uh Uh-uh.
Eyes on the food.
Eat your fish.
You must be very strong.
Oksana! Oksana, leave him alone.
And then we're gonna march on Parliament House.
Hmm? Dad, can I go in the pool? Yeah, sure.
Just no more bombs, OK? Do you think it's a bit much for him? It's a long drive for a little kid.
Why don't you want to go? Me?! Oh, no, I want to go.
I just These rallies are important, Rog.
Yeah Now imagine if we could get married.
Oh, I am imagining it.
Hey, gaylords.
BOTH: Hey.
Yeah, I'm gonna get a drink.
OK.
He's pretty gung-ho about these rallies, isn't he? Oh, yeah, no, it's wonderful.
He's really into it You don't want to get married, do you? No.
Is it that obvious? Well, you're a little bit like you were before we got married.
No, I'm not.
I'm not that bad.
It's just Rog, if you don't want to do it, you have to say something.
Not if it doesn't become law.
So I don't even hold a placard at the rallies.
SEAN: Dan! There you are.
Come on, mate.
We've got to get ready for the Christmas concert.
What's the point, Sean? What's the point? Well, we've got to raise money for other little Burmese arseholes like Max.
What's the matter? Is this about Cora? Mate, just give her a phone call No need.
I already saw her.
She came over this morning and I made things worse, if that's possible.
I don't know, it's just not meant to be, I guess.
What are you, 80? Not meant to be? W-W-What does that mean? Mate, she wouldn't have come around here if she wasn't interested.
Will you stop being such a little pussy, OK? It doesn't matter how you got here.
You're here now.
Alright, I'm showing you something.
Come on.
What? Just this way.
Bro time.
What are we doing? Shh.
You see that? That could have been me.
Would you get off your fuckin' arse and give me a hand? I had the cards in front of me.
Could have made something out of it.
But I folded .
.
'cause I didn't have the guts to put myself on the line.
(Sarcastically) That's really nice.
Happy fucking Christmas.
Look at her.
So much beauty you could weep.
Sean, Peggy tricked you into thinking you were the father of her child and then she rorted you for child support.
Yeah.
And I let that get in the way.
So you should have.
She made you think you were a father.
She's a terrible person.
OK, don't say that, alright? You don't know her.
You might sound like the Queen but you can't judge people, OK? And if you let Cora slip through your fingers Sean.
No, let me finish.
Sean! Sean! Remember what happened last time! Jesus C! Oi, no, no, no! Oh! Oh! Go! Drive! No, no, no! You have to stop running sometime.
What did I tell you? Sean, get in the car! You came here for her.
Go to her now! Moody! OK.
We know this has been coming for a while.
# Come ye to Bethlehem # Um, hello? # Come and behold him # Cora.
Hi.
Uh, hi, everyone.
(Singing stops, music continues) Dan Sorry to intrude.
I just Can Can we talk for a second? No, who are you? He's Dan.
He's my cousin.
Sorry, what are you doing here, mate? I'm really sorry to barge in like this but I've been an idiot.
Dan, don't.
I know I've been hopeless and I've taken forever to get my act together.
You are hilarious.
I'm sick of letting every year go by and/fon Can you just give me one little (Stops playing) .
.
little second there, buddy? Thank you.
Um, I didn't come back for some stupid text message or a card.
I I came back for you.
You finished? I'm really sorry, Hayden.
You're sorry for what, Dan? For storming in and ruining Christmas with my fiancee? Got engaged yesterday.
Oh, wow.
Can I get you something to eat? Ham, or turkey or something? Uh, no, no, I'm I'm fine thanks, Mrs Benson.
See, it says, 'Wishing you a merry Christmas and a happy new year.
' Eyes here, mate.
Cora didn't write that.
It's on the card.
It's generic.
Honest mistake.
Merry Christmas.
Yep, you get to play again now, matey.
(Resumes playing) Um, congratulations.
And merry Christmas.
Can you believe that guy? I think it's I've been there.
Sorry, dude, I I put that up.
I thought that, you know And then I heard I'm so sorry.
Chicks, man! I think you're right about Pegs, too.
I think I dodged a bullet there.
You know, she's let herself go, to be honest, and, um, pretending to be Coops's dad, that never would have worked, either.
Aghhh! Someone mind explaining to me why there's an axe in my bonnet? Is that your axe? No.
Whose axe is it? Is it your axe? It's not my axe.
Why would it be my axe? Dan? What are you doing, mate? Dan? Dan? (Grunts, strains) Guitars? Definitely.
We are Wasted Illusions.
This is going out to all the little kids in Burma just like Max.
Except they don't have DS's.
OK, let's rock it.
(Both play JS Bach's Toccata And Fugue In D Minor) (All cheer and applaud) What do you think, darling? (Chuckles) Who wants a beer? (All cheer) What'd you think of that, Gra-Gra? Not too shabby? Gra-Gra, do you want to come in? Gra-Gra.
Oh Gra-Gra (Distant chatter) (Clattering, splashing) Gra-Gra! # Remember when we used to say # That nothing would ever come between us # You'd say love is # Bye, Gra-Gra.
# But I would say that it's a genius # (Fireworks) # The odds are fixed, I'm turning tricks # My timing's always wrong # The sinners always laughed about # The things that we can never move on from # But so what? It is only love.
# I'll miss you! I'm gonna get upset.
Don't get upset.
I'm gonna get upset.
I'm gonna miss you! I'm gonna miss you so much! I'm gonna miss you, too.
Dan! Don't cry.
You'll make me cry.
Cora.
What are What are you doing here? I I came to see you off.
Ah, yep.
Right.
It just didn't feel right to leave it how it was.
Yeah, um, well that's good.
I'm really glad you came to say goodbye, but you could have just sent a text or something Sorry, can you just give us a? What? It's just a public place and there's lots of kids everywhere, so can you just tone it down a bit? Sorry, I appreciate you saying goodbye, but What? The ring.
I gave the ring back.
Oh.
Right.
I would have said it in a text, but you don't understand tone, so No, I I really bad at judging it.
Oi, mate! Uh, I'm sorry, it's just this is really important.
Yeah, like I care.
It's a public space, remember? Kids around.
Why are you such a dick?! Why did you do that? I'm not being a dick.
He had a go at us.
I don't care! So I'm having a go back.
Just relax.
So what time is your flight? Um four.
Cool.
Yep.
My God, you're actually here.
Yeah.
Been here 38 minutes.
Do you know how much that costs in parking? Um You're about to find out.
Let's go.
Why why are you in Terry's car? Uh my car had a bit of a pyrotechnics mishap.
Pyrotechnics? Yeah, mate.
Check it out.
'Dying High Funeral Fireworks'.
Yeah.
You pack the ashes right into the canister, you send 'em out.
(IMITATES EXPLOSION) Beautiful.
'Sending your loved-ones 600ft over.
' Is that a joke? Yeah, well, here's the punch line, mate - it's a growth industry.
And business is kabooming.
Have some respect, mate.
That's people dying, OK? You joke about it but you don't see what I see.
Fine.
Anyway, I thought you were serious about not coming home this time.
Uh, yeah, I was.
Please don't tell me it's for Gra-Gra's last Christmas.
Nope.
Normally you'd come back for Cora, but she's with Hayden, so I'm confused.
No! She sent me a text message.
She told me she still wants me.
Bullshit.
She did.
I was I don't know, it was like fate or something.
I was sitting there looking at her name on my phone, and then, half an hour later, she she sends me a text.
Dude, that is awesome! I know, it's huge.
Why didn't she pick you up? Well, I haven't told her yet.
I wanted it to be a surprise.
So We're going there now.
No, I have to go home and have a shower and No, come on.
Let's do it.
We could go there now.
Let's go.
What's I'm not missing this.
Let's go.
Come on, this is life.
This is real.
Alright, let's Dan, we're doin' it.
Let's go there now.
You're doin' it.
Come on! (EXHALES HEAVILY) It's beautiful.
You crying? No.
I just came from work, and Mr and Mrs Goetz, we we sent 'em out over the heads in a double blooming chrysanthemum.
It was actually really they were together their whole lives, so Wow.
Um, maybe just, uh, give us a sec.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm proud of you, dude.
Thanks, mate.
Dan.
You're the best.
Dan.
Quick enough? I know.
I-I should have called, but, I just You know, it is the silly season, so Yeah, but I didn't know you were back.
Well, I don't know, I just got your text message and I thought, you know what? What the hell, I'm just going to do it.
Yeah.
Yeah, 'cause you were calling me, and so I texted.
Yeah, yeah What did you want? 'Cause you texted the well, 'You want me? Hurry up.
' Yeah, oh, 'cause I was in bed and so I was like, 'Oh, hurry up.
' 'Cause I wanted to go to sleep.
Ahh.
Oh, that's that Hang on, hang on, what's happened? Is this what you were? Oh, dude! You've you've pocket-dialled her.
So you just thought he was Did you think from this? Dude! How could you misinterpret that? Were you drunk? No Ohh.
Sorry.
It's No, it's fine.
Ohh! Sean Sean Dan! Oh, you quit your job! Oh, I'm Ohh! (Chuckles) What a joke! I, um He We came straight from the airport! (Laughs) DAN: Sean! OK, OK.
Sorry.
Shit.
Do you wish you were dead right now? 'Cause I think I would.
You came you came from London, we're not just talking across town.
You came from the other side of the world OK.
.
.
based on that text! Mm-hm.
That's That's the sort of stupid thing Terry I don't think Terry would even do something like that OK, we just don't need to talk about it, Sean.
Let's just drop it.
OK? And that last minute airfare, that couldn't have been cheap.
It's like like you know when you get that pop-up saying you may have won a million dollars OK, seriously, Sean.
That's enough.
Like you don't believe that, do you? You decided to come back! Ooh, I'm so excited you changed your mind.
I'm glad someone is.
Max is so excited to meet you.
What's wrong with you? (Stifles laughter) I just Hey, Dad.
.
.
can't believe he's back.
It's really good.
Oh, good.
Hey, oh, special surprise for us later.
You and me.
Not the band.
A surprise.
A special surprise.
You'll like it.
You'll want it.
Definitely.
# Star of wonder # Star of night # Star with royal beauty bright # Westward leading # Oh, Max, this is Dan.
Pleased to meet you, bro.
You too, bro.
Well, technically he's your nephew.
Mum, can I call him Uncle Dan? Of course you can.
Yeah.
Why don't you call me Uncle Sean? Hey, is that the new DS? Yes.
Bridge, I asked you for that! Calm down, I'm sure Max'll let you have a go.
Your fat fingers might break it.
(Chuckles) I like him.
Seriously, I'm your brother.
You've known him for two seconds.
He's my son, Sean.
Adopted.
I'm biological.
Doesn't that mean anything? Righto, everyone.
If you'd like to join me outside for your present.
Come on, come on.
(Chuckles) Is that is that the 3-D? Yes.
Can I just have a go? Can I just have a little? Try that again, and see what happens.
Yeah, what are you gonna do? You don't want to know.
I'm from the badlands, bro.
Dude, you left Burma when you were two months old.
Doesn't matter.
It's in my blood.
You grew up in Canberra, Max! Until they got rid of ya.
Probably because you didn't share personal electronic devices with other people like good children should.
I'm gonna kill you, Sean.
What'd you say? BRIDGET: Sean! What did you say? Are you alright, darling? Did you hear what he said? Come on, darling.
Come with me.
Say it again.
Say it again! Leave him alone.
Why do you always take his side? Say it again.
I was gonna wait for Terry and your Mum, but No, they won't mind.
What about Hayden? I told you.
He's going to Cora's instead.
OK, right, uh Alright, I'll, uh, keep you in suspense no longer.
As you know, this has been a project of mine for four years now.
Try six! Hasn't been six! Ah, yes, it has.
You started digging the year you put up that stupid sign In all that time, there have been a lot of naysayers who said it'd never happen.
But the Moody family is a pool family now.
No longer will pool people be able to look down their noses at us.
No longer are we in the gutter looking up at the swimming pools in the sky.
Oh, come on, love.
The oven's on.
Fine.
Uh Pool's open.
(All cheer and applaud) Can I go in? Course.
That's the idea, young fella.
Come on.
Beep, beep.
Here's Mum now.
We missed it.
Just.
Sorry.
Bugger! Oksana took forever to get her kit on.
The cycle lanes on Doonan Road have completely destroyed the flow.
You didn't miss much.
Oksana, darling.
Come and have a look at the pool, Gra-Gra.
Oh, Kevin, it looks so beautiful.
I'm so glad I'm still here to see it.
Yeah, well done.
Thanks, Mum.
No.
No, no, not you, Sean! No! Sean! How are you goin'? Uh yeah, fine.
So, Dan, what's the story with Cora? It's It's complicated.
It's OK to hurt.
But the lion doesn't run from the gazelle.
You know what I mean? You're a weird kid, Max.
Just think about it.
(Doorbell rings) (Slurps drink) Hi.
Hi.
Um, Dad Dad finished the pool finally, so I thought you guys weren't coming round today.
No, we're not.
So, look, I just wanted to say sorry about the misunderstanding.
No.
Why? It's not your fault.
Did you really jump on a plane because of my text? No.
No.
You know, I was thinking of coming home anyway, so 'Cause Sean said you quit your job.
Yeah, but that's just you know, I was just something I'd been putting off.
It was time to do it.
Oh.
Yeah.
Look, I appreciate you coming round, but you don't have to feel sorry for me, so I don't.
Why Why are you getting so defensive? I'm not being defensive.
You're the one demanding answers.
I'm not being demanding.
You just You show up on my doorstep out of the blue, after I haven't heard from you in months Yeah, OK, I was there.
Can we not relive it? It was a stupid mistake, OK? And I I've I'm an idiot.
And I would just rather forget about the whole thing.
So Is that all you've got to say? Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
So, where's my boy? Oh, he's still in the pool.
He loves it.
You never told me how the gay marriage rally went the other week.
Oh, it was tremendous.
Yeah, great turnout.
You know, people are really getting behind this, aren't they? Oh, yeah, big time.
No, it's fantastic.
It's, uh a bit hot though.
You know, I didn't realise we'd be out in the sun for three hours.
It's OK for you, but for me it's But, you know, important to be there.
So that's the main thing.
Yeah, yeah, it really is.
We've got another one coming up the week after next in Canberra.
Yeah.
If I can get the time off work.
Just might be tricky.
We're thinking of taking Max down.
Mm.
I don't want him missing school, though, so that's the only School's not back for ages.
Yeah.
Yeah, no, I know that.
It's just, uh, yeah, just double checking.
And you're OK with it? It's all? Why wouldn't I be? You signed those papers, too.
You're his dad.
Yeah, yeah, no, just sort of checking in with co-parent.
That's good news.
That's great.
So what can we do to help? Great.
I am starving! Starving, are you? Oh, it's a figure of speech, Max.
I've seen starving and it doesn't look anything like you.
Oh, tell us all about it, Burma.
Sean! It's not even called that anymore, idiot.
Oh, what is it called, then? Sean! I looked it up on a map.
Sean.
So, uh, you gonna go for a dip in the pool later, Gra-Gra? Oh, no, I don't think so, pet.
(Phone rings) OKSANA: Yes, hello? Delicious, Maree, as always.
Beautiful, darling.
Yes, I'm here till six o'clock.
What sort of chemicals are you using in the pool there, Kevvie? Chlorine.
(Speaks Russian) Ah, really? Is that, uh, granular or stabilised chlorine? I wouldn't have a clue, Tez.
Hold on.
You'll be getting a pool shed next, I suppose.
So, um, is Oksana a prostitute? Sean! (Chuckles) What What on earth makes you say that? Oh, just when she offered me 'sex' in exchange for 'money'.
Sean! Don't speak like that in front of Max.
What? It's just her sense of humour, Seanie, you know.
She's just pulling your chain.
Your leg.
Can't believe you fell for it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She really had me going when she gave me her card.
BRIDGET: Oh my God.
Exotic East Escorts.
It's actually a pretty classy card, though.
She's totally nude.
Terry, what the hell? Alright.
Alright.
Alright, yeah.
But it's only a companionship booking, OK? There is nothing kinky.
Why would you bring a prostitute to our house on Christmas Day? Escort.
In front of my son.
Look, I'm sorry, Max.
It's fine.
I just well, you know, I'm under a lot of pressure here.
Each year I turn up with some exotic beauty on my arm.
I mean, Dashenka and Irena, they were they were just top shelf.
Were they hookers, too? (Stifled laughter) Thank you.
That's really lovely.
Thank you very much, Gwen.
Can I have my card back? No.
And how long have you been using these services? I don't! Alright? Just Just today.
Just so much expectation I have to live up to with this bloody family all the time.
I mean, Sean, Dan, they look up to me, and I didn't want to let 'em down.
So I guess the pressure just got to me.
Give it! No, stop it! No, it's OK.
I have many more card.
I'm not very happy with this flagrant self-promotion, Oksana.
You're meant to be my girlfriend today.
I am your girlfriend just today.
Tomorrow I will be his girlfriend or her girlfriend.
Together, we can make sex party, yes? Or, I can be your girlfriend.
If you want, I extend booking.
No.
I don't think so.
Ohh.
Lover boy, don't be like that.
No, don't.
Don't Uh Uh-uh.
Eyes on the food.
Eat your fish.
You must be very strong.
Oksana! Oksana, leave him alone.
And then we're gonna march on Parliament House.
Hmm? Dad, can I go in the pool? Yeah, sure.
Just no more bombs, OK? Do you think it's a bit much for him? It's a long drive for a little kid.
Why don't you want to go? Me?! Oh, no, I want to go.
I just These rallies are important, Rog.
Yeah Now imagine if we could get married.
Oh, I am imagining it.
Hey, gaylords.
BOTH: Hey.
Yeah, I'm gonna get a drink.
OK.
He's pretty gung-ho about these rallies, isn't he? Oh, yeah, no, it's wonderful.
He's really into it You don't want to get married, do you? No.
Is it that obvious? Well, you're a little bit like you were before we got married.
No, I'm not.
I'm not that bad.
It's just Rog, if you don't want to do it, you have to say something.
Not if it doesn't become law.
So I don't even hold a placard at the rallies.
SEAN: Dan! There you are.
Come on, mate.
We've got to get ready for the Christmas concert.
What's the point, Sean? What's the point? Well, we've got to raise money for other little Burmese arseholes like Max.
What's the matter? Is this about Cora? Mate, just give her a phone call No need.
I already saw her.
She came over this morning and I made things worse, if that's possible.
I don't know, it's just not meant to be, I guess.
What are you, 80? Not meant to be? W-W-What does that mean? Mate, she wouldn't have come around here if she wasn't interested.
Will you stop being such a little pussy, OK? It doesn't matter how you got here.
You're here now.
Alright, I'm showing you something.
Come on.
What? Just this way.
Bro time.
What are we doing? Shh.
You see that? That could have been me.
Would you get off your fuckin' arse and give me a hand? I had the cards in front of me.
Could have made something out of it.
But I folded .
.
'cause I didn't have the guts to put myself on the line.
(Sarcastically) That's really nice.
Happy fucking Christmas.
Look at her.
So much beauty you could weep.
Sean, Peggy tricked you into thinking you were the father of her child and then she rorted you for child support.
Yeah.
And I let that get in the way.
So you should have.
She made you think you were a father.
She's a terrible person.
OK, don't say that, alright? You don't know her.
You might sound like the Queen but you can't judge people, OK? And if you let Cora slip through your fingers Sean.
No, let me finish.
Sean! Sean! Remember what happened last time! Jesus C! Oi, no, no, no! Oh! Oh! Go! Drive! No, no, no! You have to stop running sometime.
What did I tell you? Sean, get in the car! You came here for her.
Go to her now! Moody! OK.
We know this has been coming for a while.
# Come ye to Bethlehem # Um, hello? # Come and behold him # Cora.
Hi.
Uh, hi, everyone.
(Singing stops, music continues) Dan Sorry to intrude.
I just Can Can we talk for a second? No, who are you? He's Dan.
He's my cousin.
Sorry, what are you doing here, mate? I'm really sorry to barge in like this but I've been an idiot.
Dan, don't.
I know I've been hopeless and I've taken forever to get my act together.
You are hilarious.
I'm sick of letting every year go by and/fon Can you just give me one little (Stops playing) .
.
little second there, buddy? Thank you.
Um, I didn't come back for some stupid text message or a card.
I I came back for you.
You finished? I'm really sorry, Hayden.
You're sorry for what, Dan? For storming in and ruining Christmas with my fiancee? Got engaged yesterday.
Oh, wow.
Can I get you something to eat? Ham, or turkey or something? Uh, no, no, I'm I'm fine thanks, Mrs Benson.
See, it says, 'Wishing you a merry Christmas and a happy new year.
' Eyes here, mate.
Cora didn't write that.
It's on the card.
It's generic.
Honest mistake.
Merry Christmas.
Yep, you get to play again now, matey.
(Resumes playing) Um, congratulations.
And merry Christmas.
Can you believe that guy? I think it's I've been there.
Sorry, dude, I I put that up.
I thought that, you know And then I heard I'm so sorry.
Chicks, man! I think you're right about Pegs, too.
I think I dodged a bullet there.
You know, she's let herself go, to be honest, and, um, pretending to be Coops's dad, that never would have worked, either.
Aghhh! Someone mind explaining to me why there's an axe in my bonnet? Is that your axe? No.
Whose axe is it? Is it your axe? It's not my axe.
Why would it be my axe? Dan? What are you doing, mate? Dan? Dan? (Grunts, strains) Guitars? Definitely.
We are Wasted Illusions.
This is going out to all the little kids in Burma just like Max.
Except they don't have DS's.
OK, let's rock it.
(Both play JS Bach's Toccata And Fugue In D Minor) (All cheer and applaud) What do you think, darling? (Chuckles) Who wants a beer? (All cheer) What'd you think of that, Gra-Gra? Not too shabby? Gra-Gra, do you want to come in? Gra-Gra.
Oh Gra-Gra (Distant chatter) (Clattering, splashing) Gra-Gra! # Remember when we used to say # That nothing would ever come between us # You'd say love is # Bye, Gra-Gra.
# But I would say that it's a genius # (Fireworks) # The odds are fixed, I'm turning tricks # My timing's always wrong # The sinners always laughed about # The things that we can never move on from # But so what? It is only love.
# I'll miss you! I'm gonna get upset.
Don't get upset.
I'm gonna get upset.
I'm gonna miss you! I'm gonna miss you so much! I'm gonna miss you, too.
Dan! Don't cry.
You'll make me cry.
Cora.
What are What are you doing here? I I came to see you off.
Ah, yep.
Right.
It just didn't feel right to leave it how it was.
Yeah, um, well that's good.
I'm really glad you came to say goodbye, but you could have just sent a text or something Sorry, can you just give us a? What? It's just a public place and there's lots of kids everywhere, so can you just tone it down a bit? Sorry, I appreciate you saying goodbye, but What? The ring.
I gave the ring back.
Oh.
Right.
I would have said it in a text, but you don't understand tone, so No, I I really bad at judging it.
Oi, mate! Uh, I'm sorry, it's just this is really important.
Yeah, like I care.
It's a public space, remember? Kids around.
Why are you such a dick?! Why did you do that? I'm not being a dick.
He had a go at us.
I don't care! So I'm having a go back.
Just relax.
So what time is your flight? Um four.
Cool.
Yep.