AJ and the Queen (2020) s01e06 Episode Script

Little Rock

I once saw a horror movie where they told this little girl to go into the light.
That didn't end well for any of them.
I've never been scared of the dark.
I'm way more comfortable at night.
I mean, what can happen to me in the dark that hasn't already happened to me in the light? What? Someone's gonna arrest my mother? Done.
Kick me out of my apartment? Done.
Steal my backpack? Bring it.
I'm in the shadows, waiting and ready.
It's very hard to surprise me.
Faster! This is the perfect place to run that bitch off the road.
- Go faster! - [DAMIEN.]
Stop pushing on my leg.
Get off my leg.
You're gonna kill him and us.
- Get off.
- [SIGHS.]
Make your move.
Now! Just go! You drive like an old lady.
Go! For the record, I drive like a man.
A young man.
Because I am a young man.
Just go.
End this shit now.
Oh, here's our turn.
- What? - [TIRES SCREECH.]
They turned up that road.
- Walk, walk, walk Walk, walk, walk [AJ.]
Cool, they have a lake.
How long we staying? Couple of nights.
Regroup, take a breather.
Perfect timing, too, since I have a break in my tour schedule.
Yeah, 'cause the club canceled when they didn't like your attitude on the phone.
All I said was, "Does your club still smell like backwater swamp air?" And based on their overreaction, I'm betting it does.
Kind of late to be pullin' in.
You aren't on the run, are ya? That was a joke.
I say that to everybody a after 7:00 p.
Well, actually, I guess I am on the run.
Running toward my future.
- He talks like that a lot.
I blame Oprah.
We're here to pump and dump.
All right.
Welcome to, uh, Little Rock Little Lake.
I'm Clem.
There's our brochure.
Okay, we'll have the full package.
Uh, slot, Wi-Fi, electricity, everything.
All right, that'll be $73.
I don't know, Clem.
That seems pretty steep.
The place down the road is $65.
There is no place down the road.
Yeah, it just opened today.
She talks like this a lot.
I blame a lack of Oprah.
- Seventy-three is fine.
- [CLEM.]
Oh, okay.
Last person in here who paid with cash turned out to be a serial killer.
Is that another joke, Clem? No, it ain't.
Uh, so, you're in slot 16.
Oh, uh, beware of snakes, the Jacuzzi's broke, and enjoy your stay.
Uh, can we backtrack just a bit? Snakes? As in snakes? Yes, sir.
Sixty-five seems even more right now, Clem.
Sixty-five does seem more - right now.
- [AJ.]
You should've let me haggle.
- Walk, walk, walk [AJ.]
That's some robe to dump our poop.
I do like to dress for every occasion, darling.
- Howdy, fellas.
- [MAN 1.]
[MAN 2.]
Maybe you shouldn't wear your fancy robe around here.
You know, in front of cowboys.
- Those cowboys are gay.
- You wish.
The one has ornate turquoise stitching on his boots, and the other, a gay face.
Okay, let's go.
Time to shower.
Nah, I'm good.
You smell like an onion.
Keeps the mosquitoes off of me.
You smell that? Is someone making fajitas? Oh, no, that smell is you.
Good one.
They have a cute shower house.
It's good, huh? Birthday popsicles are so much better than birthday cake 'cause you get to eat one every day for a week.
Unless I eat two today.
Well, it's your special day.
We can do whatever you want, baby.
It's so hot.
Hey, do you feel that? I think I felt - [WIND CHIME PLAYS.]
- a breeze.
- It's so cool.
Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.
It is so cool.
- It is so cool.
I think it's gonna snow.
Yeah, you're right.
Oh, yeah, it's snowing.
I'm freezing.
Hug me.
Hug me.
- Don't freeze, Mama.
- I'll save you.
- Oh! Your present it's in - it's in - Wake up! - Where's my dang present at? - It's in my dang purse.
No, no, no, no, d-don't go in there.
I know right where it is.
Pop Pop never forgets my birthday.
Ooh, money.
"Happy birthday, Amber Jasmine.
I love you, Pop Pop.
" I wish we could call him and say thank you.
But you know Pop Pop's off the grid.
Right, 'cause he doesn't trust "the man.
" - [BRIANNA.]
- Only the animals on his farm.
The pigs and the chickens.
And the horses.
You've had them ever since you were little.
They came right up to your window when you were asleep.
- Chestnut - And Buster.
Can we go meet them one day? [BRIANNA.]
Um, yeah, baby.
We're gonna go to Texas, and you can meet Chestnut and Buster.
And Pop Pop.
I love your hair.
Well, I love yours.
Why do we always gotta stay at a Comfort Inn? Because I lifted Lorraine Bracco's credit card, and she's a platinum member here.
You know, I still can't believe that you lost that bitch.
We need one of those, uh, spy tracker thingies for that RV.
Relax, James Bond.
We didn't lose him.
He's two miles away at that RV park.
Well, we're not exactly gonna go kill him in the middle of a hootenanny.
A hootenanny is an informal gathering with folk music and sometimes dancing.
It has nothing to do with an RV park.
God, I feel like a martini and some Pringles.
Give me a beer.
- Please? - Please.
There you go.
Hi, this is Lorraine Bracco in 2D.
Could you please send up some ice? Well, can't you have someone go to the machine and bring it up to me? I was on The Sopranos.
AJ, you missed out on that shower.
I'd marry that water pressure if I could.
Oh! I'm so sorry.
I thought this was my RV.
I'm parked nearby.
I guess, uh we have the same RV.
Uh, although you've got more guns than we do.
- You've got the guns, I've got the roses.
Oh! You're watching NASCAR.
How fun.
Where are y'all headed? Oregon.
- [MAN.]
Stop gawking.
Brick? Like Cat on a Hot Tin Roof? Tennessee Williams? Uh, we don't know any of those words.
So I'd better head back to my RV.
So sorry for the intrusion.
See y'all.
Met the neighbors.
Or rather, they met me.
They're a nice, armed family.
Did you know that there are more diamonds mined in Little Rock, Arkansas, than there are anywhere else in the United States? The only thing I know about Little Rock, is that someone from here broke Marilyn Monroe's heart in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.
It says so right here.
And there's a diamond field in the RV park that is "a-drippin' with diamonds, all yours for the takin'.
" Well, I love anything dripping with diamonds.
Which brings me right back to Marilyn - and "Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend.
" - [AJ.]
Let's get up really early before anybody else and go dig for some.
AJ, I have the morning all planned.
I'm gonna sleep in, then clean up my laptop, get organized, regroup.
Aren't you broke? We're going.
First thing tomorrow.
The umbrella doesn't match the donkey.
First of all, yes, it does.
Second of all, I don't know why you insisted we get burros.
I could walk faster.
Sure, you could walk now, but how are we gonna bring back all the diamonds we find? You didn't think of that, did ya? We'll need old Sludge here then.
- You named yourburro Sludge? - [AJ.]
Why? What did you name yours? Celine Dion-key.
Wait a minute.
This is it? I put my ass on an ass to go to a picnic area? The sign says diamond field.
It's a diamond field.
I guess I was expecting something more like the diamond mine in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
- You can't say "dwarf" anymore.
- Is that true? - [WOMAN 1.]
Hey, y'all.
- [WOMAN 2.]
We heard we got some fresh meat in the park last night.
That's me.
Grade-A prime beef.
You are a live one.
Thank you.
Hey, let's stop here.
Let's keep going past the tourists.
We are the tourists.
Whoa! This is it, right here.
I can feel it.
Are you sure there aren't any over there, near the ladies with the refreshing watermelon? [AJ WHOOPS.]
I'm gonna get so many dang diamonds.
- Come on.
Grab some tools.
- Okay, here we go.
- Work with me, Celine.
- [AJ.]
Right here, I feel it.
Whoo! This place is a-dripping with diamonds.
I can feel them underneath me.
We're both gonna be rich.
This is bullshit! Hey, kid.
What's bullshit? All of it.
There are no diamonds in that "diamond field.
Sounds like you had an off day.
People find diamonds in there all the time.
I was out there all day.
If there were any diamonds there, I would've found one.
Well, he found one today.
What? Come here, kid.
Let me see.
Dude, that's a rock.
Yeah, that's how diamonds start out.
Take a look at the case over there.
See, diamonds are formed deep in the mantle of the rock.
You gotta get 'em out.
Yep, starts out as a rock, but when it's mined and polished, behold! [CHUCKLES.]
Turns into a beautiful diamond.
See that? Something most people overlook turns out to be very valuable.
Incoming call.
Incoming call.
- Incoming call.
- Oh! [GROANS.]
You woke me.
It's four in the afternoon.
I'm taking a nap.
Officer Patrick was over last night.
You know what they say.
Once you go white, you up all night.
Ah! - Does anyone say that? - [LOUIS.]
I do.
I also say, when you're with a cop, you don't wanna stop.
I may have a whole line of T-shirts.
Yeah, good for you, bitch.
Now, why I'm calling.
Did I tell you he likes to spoon after we fork? No, and please don't.
I'm cleaning off my laptop, and I found a file marked "Hector and Me.
" - Delete it.
Without even looking at it? De-lete it! You-You've gone too far to go backwards.
Go ahead, girl.
I want to hear that trash sound on your computer.
Listen, I can handle reading a file.
I'm over the worst of it.
Oh well, then.
I guess you stopped crying in the shower at night.
- Yeah, I didn't think so.
- [SIGHS.]
Now pick up your lovely lady hands, click them keys, and say bye-bye to all that drama.
- [LOUIS.]
Look, girl.
We all make mistakes.
I shaved my eyebrows off last night.
The price of good drag.
Bye, girl.
Attention, Little Rock, the Jacuzzi is back up and working.
Yee-ha! [ROBERT.]
It's a five-year plan for us.
Oh, only five years for us? Okay.
You don't know this about me yet, but I'm someone who likes to dream.
- Okay.
And I've had a dream for where I want my life to go.
And since I met you, that dream has gotten bigger.
- What? - Nothin'.
I'm just smiling.
Go on, tell me about your dream.
I've been saving for 100 years to open my own club, and I want us to run it together.
I can do the entertainment, you, the business.
That's a great way to spend the next five years.
I'm not finished yet.
Next, a new home.
I see us in a townhouse in Harlem.
Something with a staircase.
- Ah.
- And vacations.
Greece, Spain, Morocco, Paris.
A second club, and at the end of the list I have "adoption" with a question mark.
Say something.
To what? To all of it.
To all of it.
Yeah, baby.
- Absolutely, yes.
Absolutely, yes.
- [SIGHS.]
Hey, you.
We wanted to come by and officially say hi.
I'm Anna.
This is Kath and Yolanda.
- Hi, I'm Robert.
- [KATH.]
Oh, we know.
When you arrived last night, my husband, Bud, he's a detective, ran your plates.
We do that with everybody.
Not just tall, sexy men like yourself.
We were so excited to find out you're a performer.
We love performers.
I once saw Julianne Moore at an airport in Tulsa.
Gorgeous hair.
We had to come by to tell you about potluck sing-along this Wednesday.
We do it every year.
Our husbands are the band.
Not mine.
I'm single as the day is long on the summer solstice.
I told my husband if he couldn't appreciate all this, I will find someone who can, and I kicked him to the curb.
We were hoping that you could help us zazz it up this year.
We'd love some pointers from a real professional.
Please say yes.
Most everyone's gonna be there on Wednesday.
The Carls are even making a mac and cheese with four cheeses.
- One of the cheeses is from France.
- [CARL.]
I see trouble.
Oh, w-we were just talking about your mac and cheese, Carl.
- It's a French cheese, right? - That's right, Kath.
Ooh la la, delicious.
Praise cheesus.
Never stops being funny, Carl.
You know, Robert, the Carls are [WHISPERS.]
Uh, you know, Anna [WHISPERS.]
I know.
Well, I didn't for the longest time, but then I ran across Brokeback Mountain on cable, and it all clicked.
- I always knew, but I'm from Helena.
- Yeah.
So, what do you say? Will you help us? I'm sorry, ladies.
I'm here for a little R&R, and I'm just not in the right headspace to perform in a show right now.
Well, it's not a show, hon.
It's just a fun little get-together.
We do some songs from Grease.
Grease - is the perfect movie musical.
It's my very favorite.
We're sort of like the Pink Ladies - around here.
- [ANNA.]
Oh, really? So, which one of you plays Rizzo? Is it Anna? Anna, you scream Rizzo.
Oh, we don't use names.
We're just doing a couple songs.
What? But how can you do the songs if you don't know which Pink Lady you are? And by the way, Yolanda, you're Marty.
I am? - Okay! - A are you sure you can't help us? Yeah, I'm sure, ladies.
Hey, but listen, if you need a few good quality wigs, they're all yours.
We don't use wigs.
We just use our own hair.
No wigs? Then, uh, yeah, I'm definitely out.
Is something wrong with our hair, Robert? [ANNA.]
So, I guess that's that.
Okay, let's go.
- [KATH.]
What did he mean about our hair? [ANNA.]
Our hair is fine, Kath.
I don't wanna hear about this all night.
Excuse me, coming through.
Important stuff.
Could you move? [ANNA.]
Has anyone figured out how she fits into the picture? Remember when you said that we might not find any diamonds? Vaguely.
Bam! Diamond.
Okay, that's a rock.
It's a diamond in the rough.
I read all about it at the RV office.
It's geology.
AJ, it takes years and years of pressure to turn a rock into a diamond.
Well, then we'd better get up early tomorrow 'cause I don't have that kind of time.
Oh! You've got good taste, Brick.
That's one of my favorites too.
Um my mother's looking for me.
What did I say? Nothing.
Kid's just weird.
Good morning, Little Rock Little Lake.
The cornhole tournament has been postponed until the sun comes back out.
This is some good coffee.
Diamonds, day two.
I'm feeling it.
You ready? - Uh, no.
It's raining.
Hey, um, give me a minute.
Okay, but don't go far.
It could stop any minute.
Good morning.
- Morning.
- Hi.
- Morning.
- Look at you ladies, singin' in the rain.
Well, my phone says "intermittent showers," so - Oh, and my mother just fell.
Oh, so this must be the hus-band.
- Nice to meet ya.
- Hey.
- Yep.
- [SIGHS.]
Y'all just getting started? No, no, we're almost done practicing.
This is the end of rehearsal? - [ANNA.]
- Where's the other one? Oh, Yolanda? She's in there watching Judge Judy, but she can just jump in tomorrow.
But tomorrow's show night.
How's she gonna "jump in" on show night? Don't you need to rehearse with her? Oh, we got it, hon.
Okay, um Anna, and I say this with respect, you don't got it.
Okay? I mean, you were doing the hand jive with just one hand.
Well, I had a muffin in the other.
And Kath.
Kath, darling, you were off from the very top.
We're not professionals like you.
Okay, um maybe I can help.
Are you gonna teach us some choreography? Look at me.
I just said "choreography.
Even better.
- I'll direct.
- [KATH.]
You will? You will? [ROBERT.]
But I gotta warn you.
I'm no Bob Fosse.
I'm better.
All right, let's start with the hand jive and then move on to the other numbers.
Oh, wait.
Other numbers? We usually just do the one.
Yeah, I know, but adding one or two more numbers would help flesh out the whole story.
Whole story? Well, there's only three of us.
Fine, I'll be Sandy.
Kath, darling, you're still doin' it wrong.
Here, watch me.
Sorry, I thought it was hands like this.
Bud, hit it.
Okay, here's a little way to help you remember? Where are my keys? - Clap on, clap off.
Dry my nails.
Pepper mill, pepper mill.
Confused hitchhiker.
- You're good.
Okay, let's try it again.
Where are my keys? Clap on, clap off.
Dry my nails.
Pepper mill, pepper mill.
Confused hitchhiker.
Where are my keys? You got eyes on him? Yup.
Pepper mill.
- What are they even doing? He's teaching some women the hand jive from Grease.
Let's just stop for a second.
- How the hell do you know that? I was Danny in high school.
You were a theater kid? Wow.
You got something to say to me? No, do you have something to say to me? Why do you keep implying shit? So I did Grease in high school, and learned the hand jive.
So what? Everybody did Grease.
That don't mean nothing.
It just seems to me you're more interested in choreography than in killing that queen.
I'm starting to wonder what team you're playing for.
I said stop implying shit.
All right, let's add drums.
You'd better back right off, or I will fillet you, bitch.
Looks like the rain stopped.
The cornhole tournament's back on.
Yeehaw! The cornhole tournament's back on, honey.
I'm gonna have a bagel.
Fine, but if you do, I don't want to hear "I feel fat" all day long.
Yes! Pretty good.
I want him dead just as much as you do.
Do you? Because you didn't run him off the road yesterday when I told you to.
And here he is, 20 feet away, just waiting to be murdered, and you're more concerned about carbs.
We need to make it look like an accident, and you need to figure it out.
Where are my keys? - Clap on, clap off.
- I just did.
Dry my nails.
- Look.
Confused hitchiker.
Ugh, I'm thirsty.
A rattlesnake? Well, it's not the limbo contest tomorrow at 4:30.
Oh! Sorry, I'm late.
- [SIGHS.]
Well, that all stops now that I'm helping.
Why'd you let me eat that? [PANTING.]
Born to hand jive, baby - Born to hand jive, baby - [GRUNTS.]
Born to hand jive, baby Born to hand jive, baby - Whoo! - [ROBERT CHUCKLES.]
I don't have chills.
- They're not multiplying.
- Hon, can you dial it back a bit? - Yeah, I'm starving.
I haven't been this hungry since I went to China for my 40th.
Their lo mein is not like our lo mein.
Take five, get something to eat.
Take five? What can we eat in five minutes? I'll go print out the sheet music and work on getting some lights.
Hey, Gus in slot 13 has some lights.
Almost done, Bob Bossy? No.
Points for cleverness, AJ.
Not so fast.
- You said we'd go diamond digging.
- I know, I know, but [SIGHS.]
Have you seen those ladies? I have to help them.
And look, the sun is finally out.
Why don't you go digging with Brick? Brick's a dud.
Come on.
Diamonds are more important than some stupid show.
Says the person who's not in show business.
I'm sorry, but I have to do something.
I owe it to Grease.
Bad enough I don't even have a Danny.
Slot 13.
Slot 13.
Hello? Gus? I'm staging and starring in Grease on the patio, and, uh, I heard you have some lights I could use.
- Gus? - [KNOCKS ON DOOR.]
Hey, my dad's not home.
I'm Jack.
You're Danny.
Did anyone else think having Robert help out would be fun? Maybe I should say something.
But I've never told off a black person before.
Let alone a gay black person.
I've seen Real Housewives of Atlanta, and it never ends well.
Great news.
I found our Danny, and he's rip-roaring to go.
Right, Jack? Ah, yeah, sure, I guess.
Hey, Jack.
Oh, so, now Jack's in.
And here are the charts for my big solo.
Uh, this is getting a little too focused on Sandy.
Well, we have to show good-girl, poodle-skirt Sandy, so they can appreciate bad, sexy, spandex Sandy, right? Right.
Okay, are you ready for our big number? Come on up.
I found John Travolta in an RV park.
Okay, here we go.
You are the one I want You are the one I want Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey Yeah, I'm out.
The pretty ones are always the most difficult.
Okay, who in the cast or the band knows him well enough to talk him back into the show? All right, can we talk to you for a second, hon? It feels like this is turning into a bigger show than we had in mind.
Thank you.
We're not having as much fun as we usually do.
Well, you will have fun, during the show.
No, that's the thing, hon.
We don't want to do a show.
We love you, but we were thinking that maybe you sit this one out.
You are - firing me? - [ANNA.]
You're great.
You're just a bit too much.
- But really just the best ever.
- Top notch.
You're so talented.
This is just the one time of year that we get to flaunt our stuff, a-and we can't do that next to you, you know? You you'll upstage us.
Got it.
This is your night.
I will bow out.
I guess I'll go work on your Pink Lady jackets because I am nothing if not generous.
That is so nice of you.
It is.
And I'll give some thought to the finale because without me you're gonna need something really special.
Appreciate it.
- Did he not hear me fire him? - I don't know.
Remember, everyone, it's smoked ribs and biscuits tonight, followed by a screening of The Fast and the Furious in the community room.
House of Butter, this is Cocoa.
How may I help you? Louis, I need you to think long and hard before you answer me.
Am I too much? [LOUIS.]
Do I try to make everything go the way I see it in my head? [LOUIS.]
- Do I turn everything into a big - [LOUIS.]
Louis, let me at least finish asking the damn question.
I'm sorry, girl, but this is one test I know all the answers to.
I am too much.
Not just in this RV park.
I opened that laptop file about Hector.
I knew it.
You took it out of the trash, didn't you? [ROBERT.]
So? I've seen you do that with cake.
Hold on.
Are we on Skype? You know, I couldn't just let it be a new relationship with Hector.
I had to make that into a big show too.
After only five months, I was talking about a nightclub and a townhouse and vacations and maybe adoption.
What? You told Damien you wanted a baby with him after five months? I know.
It's amazing he stayed around.
Well, he was planning on robbing you.
And there's that.
You always want everything to be bigger and better and more wonderful, and that's what I love about you.
But it's too much for most people.
Then that's their problem.
Thank you.
Okay, I should go.
I'm makingPink Lady jackets for a bootleg production of Grease in an RV park, and I want to make sure I leave time to monogram their names on.
Oh, girl, now that's too much.
Sewing machine.
- [YELPS.]
- [WOMAN.]
What was that? - Help! Help! Somebody, please! Help me! There's a rattlesnake on my cuff! Please help me, somebody, please! There's a rattlesnake caught on my cuff! All right, well, stop swinging your arm around.
I can't! I have a rattlesnake caught on my cuff! [YELLS.]
- Go! Go! - [DAMIEN.]
Come on.
Good shot, Karl.
Blew that snake's head clean off.
There's nothing like a good casserole to take the edge off.
How you holding up? You okay? Well, I haven't allowed myself mac and cheese since the '90s, so that'll tell you a lot about my emotional state.
Yeah, well, I'd never seen anything like that.
That snake's fangs got caught right in your robe.
You got lucky.
- Brocade saved my life.
If I only had a nickel for every time I've said that.
How did it get in the RV anyhow? Oh, snakes get into stuff.
RVs, wood sheds We once found a snake in our hot tub.
Oh, yeah.
His name was Steven.
- Karl! - You! Well, thank you, guys, for the gunplay and the delicious mac and cheese.
Oh, you know Carl, he uses that French cheese.
Oh, I've heard.
I thought you were gonna ask him for a three-way.
Timing felt off.
Oh, hey, Brick.
- Where's AJ? - [BRICK.]
I don't know.
It's getting dark.
AJ, what are you still doing out here? I've been looking for you everywhere.
Thank God you're safe.
Grab your stuff.
I'm not leaving until I find a real diamond.
AJ, it is dangerous out here.
I was just attacked by a snake in the RV, and this is their natural habitat, so let's go.
Maybe if I had some help earlier, I would have found a real diamond by now, but you're too busy putting on a stupid show.
So I'm not leaving, Bob Bossy.
This is not a discussion, AJ.
I'm the adult here.
It is late.
We're going.
- Come on.
- No! [SCREAMS.]
- Let go of me.
- Stop it.
- Let go! - Stop - Let go! - Stop hitting me.
Let go! - I have to keep digging.
- What are you doing? You can't even see.
I need to find a diamond for Pop Pop 'cause I don't have any money.
And I need to pay him something so he'll keep me.
C-Can you stop? For a second.
Please? [PANTING.]
Those are just rocks.
Okay, sure, maybe they'll be diamonds someday, but we'll both be dead by then.
Now listen to me very carefully, okay? Are you listening? You don't need to bring Pop Pop a diamond so that he'll keep you.
Because you are a diamond.
You are.
Right now.
Not a hundred years from now.
Okay? You hear me? Now come on.
Let's go.
Get out of that dirt and let's go.
'Cause my ass is too close to this here ground, and that's where the snakeses live.
Sorry for ditching you today to put on a show.
Especially now that I'm not gonna be Sandy.
I thought you said you can't do Grease without a Sandy.
Well, I have someone in mind for Sandy.
Okay, you guys, you want to run it again for practice? You showed us the movie, like, a hundred times.
We got it, okay? Easy-peasy.
Okay, let the ladies muddle through a few bars of the hand jive, then you two come out and steal the show.
I don't know why you like Grease so much.
It's just about a girl who changes everything about herself for some boy.
Oh, kiddo, you got it all wrong.
Grease is about letting yourself be whatever you wanna be.
Poor Sandy's cooped up the whole movie, until the end, then she decides to let her inner bad girl out.
Okay, I'm gonna go warm up the crowd.
Then you two, be ready in five.
You're gonna kill it.
People love kids in costumes.
Oh! And it's nice out.
They said it was gonna rain.
Everything's working out.
I look stupid.
I hate this hair.
I like your hair.
And your dress.
Attention, Little Rock Little Lake.
I've just been informed the show is still on.
- Welcome, everybody.
- [MAN 1.]
Nice boots! So happy y'all came out to see our little show.
Even if it's only because the storm blew out your satellite.
Thank you.
I'll be here all week.
- I'm your host, Robert Lee.
- [MAN 2.]
Yeah! - Thank you.
- [MAN 3.]
You go, cowboy.
But the show is not about me.
- If it were, it'd be a lot better.
- I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
- Tonight is about fun.
- [CROWD.]
So drink up, and enjoy Grease Lite.
Before I was born, late one night My papa said everything's all right The doctor laughed, mama laid down [CROWD CHEERS.]
With her stomach bouncing all around 'Cause the bebop stork Was about to arrive Mama gave birth to the hand jive [CROWD CHEERS.]
I could barely walk When I milked a cow When I was three, I pushed a plow While chopping wood I would move my legs And started dancing When I gathered eggs The townsfolk clapped, I was only five He outdanced 'em all He was born to hand-jive How low can you go? - How low can you go? - It's Brick.
Aww! How low can you go? How low can you go? Born to hand-jive, baby Born to hand-jive, baby Born to hand-jive, baby - Born to hand-jive, baby - Brick! What the hell are you doing? The hand jive, Dad! - Come on! - [FATHER.]
That's enough.
I said, that's enough.
- All right.
Bud, stop the damn music.
Chris, come on, now.
Let him be.
He's just havin' a little fun.
Anna, darling.
Stay out of it.
All right? It's my kid, my business.
and I'll be goddamned if my son is gonna be prancing around in a dress.
Chris, reel it in.
It's too much.
No, this is too much, all right? This is all too much.
Come on.
Let's go.
What do you think you're doing? Inside.
Take it off.
It was his idea to switch.
It was the only time I saw him smile in three days.
Is Brick gonna be okay? He will if I have anything to say about it.
Looking good.
Tell me about it, Bud.
I'll be right back.
Might wanna clear out those tables.
'cause we got a show to do.
Wow, she really is Sandy.
Yeah, she's a shit-load of Sandy.
It's the second time you've come over to my RV unannounced.
I need to talk to you about Brick.
If you came over here all dressed up to try to convince me of something, you are wrong.
No, I dress up for me, not you.
And something tells me that's why Brick did it too.
You don't know my kid.
I know that he lit up out there, and I know you saw it too.
I saw my son dressing up like a girl in front of everyone.
Look, I know, and I'm sorry it happened without your knowledge.
It happened without mine too.
It wasn't my idea.
From what I understand, it was Brick's.
Come again.
There is something inside that boy, and it's gonna come out.
Maybe maybe it won't be this exactly, but it's something.
And you can repress it all you want, but I can tell you from experience, it's not going away.
I don't need a lecture about my own son.
Okay, fine.
Let's not talk about him.
Let's let's talk about guns.
You like guns, right? What if I told you you couldn't have a gun? That you weren't even allowed to touch one, even though you like the way it makes you feel, and it gives you confidence.
What would you do? I'd get myself a gun.
But it's not the same thing.
All right, look.
I get what you're trying to say, all right? I do.
I'm not a bad guy.
I'm just trying to protect my son.
But you're doing the opposite.
Shutting Brick down will make him less and less of who he is.
He might be more comfortable for you to be around, but he won't be Brick anymore.
Let him be "too much.
" The world needs it.
I don't know.
Look, um you make some good points, all right? Brick's mother and I, we we got a lot to talk about.
But right now, I'm sorry.
I'm not allowin' it.
No way.
I'm wearing this dress.
I got chills They're multiplyin' And I'm losing control 'Cause the power you're supplying It's electrifying - You better shape up - Doo, doo, doo 'Cause I need a man - Doo, doo, doo - And my heart is set on you - And my heart is set on you - Better shape up - Doo, doo, doo - You better understand - Doo, doo, doo To my heart I must be true - Nothing left Nothing left for me to do You're the one that I want You are the one I want Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey You're the one that I want You are the one I want Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey You're the one that I want You are the one I want Ooh, ooh, ooh The one I need, oh, yes, indeed You're the one that I want You are the one I want Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey You're the one that I want You are the one I want Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey You're the one that I want [LADY DANGER SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY.]
The one I need, oh, yes, indeed You're the one that I want You are the one I want Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey You're the one that I want You are the one I want Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey You're the one that I want You are the one I want Ooh, ooh, ooh The one I need, oh, yes, indeed [AJ.]
Dude, it is too crowded up here.
Well, I ain't sleeping down there.
You heard of Snakes on a Plane? Well, snakes in an RV, that's the real horror movie.
What makes you think that the snake's not up here? [TRILLS.]
Stop it.
Stop it.
Stop it.
Oh, you like torturing people? Maybe I'll torture you.
I'm gonna sing more Grease.
No! No more Grease.
You're the one that I want Ooh, ooh, ooh The one I need, oh, yes, indeed [AJ.]
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine.
You win.
No more songs and no more snakes.
All right, let's get some sleep, kiddo.
Oh, no! I think the snake found you.
Child, I will throw you out this loft.
Howdy, partner.
Where'd you get the hat? - Karl with the gun gave it to me.
- He didn't give you a gun too, did he? No, dang it.
Well, kiddo, you ready to hit the road? We've got a long drive ahead of us.
Hey, what is this? [ROBERT.]
What? [AJ.]
This beepy thingy.
Oh, my God, it's a bomb.
Calm down.
It says "GPS Trackit.
" Oh, my God, it's a tracking device.
Like I said, I've never been a morning person [LADY DANGER.]
Go! Go! Go! but I'm kind of getting used to it.
I guess it's okay to go into the light, as long as you trust the person telling you to go there.
Whoo! Yeah! I told you it would work.
Hope they like messing with the rifle family.
Well, we bought some time, but sooner or later, Damien and Danger are gonna realize they're following the wrong RV.
Then they're gonna come get us.
Not if we get them first.
Set my sights, no time for fools Put on my crowning jewels Stop the press and alert the news Never gonna be, no more, no more, no Long nights, winter blues Already paid the dues I've changed my point of view - Baby, got a new attitude - Attitude - Ruby is red hot - Hot - Hot fire nonstop - Nonstop - Who got what I got? - Got what she got? Nobody, nobody - Ruby is red hot - Hot - Hot fire nonstop - Nonstop Who got what I got? - Got what she got? - Nobody, nobody Nobody Nobody [TWINKLING CHIMES.]

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