AJ and the Queen (2020) s01e07 Episode Script


I always land on my feet.
No matter how shook up I get.
And that's the difference between me and everyone else.
No matter what I don't quit.
AJ, please stop.
I'm on hold with the credit card fraud people.
Well, one more.
Everybody can do this except for me.
I can't be the only loser.
Not mastering that will not make you a loser.
Now, giving your credit card to a grifter that's textbook loser.
If I make this, Robert is not a loser.
I can't take that additional pressure.
Okay, all right.
- [AJ.]
Whoo-hoo! - [CHUCKLES.]
Thank God.
Now sit and eat.
Robert, I've spoken with my supervisor, and I'm looking at your account records.
Then you see I have been sending the payments, so why the penalty fee? [WOMAN.]
Because you still owe $85,000.
It's not his fault he got screwed over.
I've already told her that.
Actually, that was a different representative.
And that's another thing.
Why can I never speak to the same person when I call? Is Monica there? [WOMAN.]
Can I tell you the truth, sir? We're all named Monica.
The name tested well.
Well, Monica, I'm very upset.
So upset that I just ate a French fry.
And it is delicious, and I may have another.
Now, you don't know me, but that is a shocking turn of events.
Very, very shocking, Monica.
Now, listen, with rent, other bills, and the money I've sent you, I have $100 to my name.
I am sitting in a Jack In The Box parking lot on my way to perform at a nightclub in Jackson, Mississippi with literally $100.
Oh, you're a performer, sir? Let me move you over to our Hardship Department.
Hardship Department? What am I, Annie? [AUTOMATED VOICE.]
Please hold.
An American Express operator Oh, my God.
I'm Annie.
Please don't start singing "The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow.
" I won't.
'Cause I'm not sure the sun will come out tomorrow.
Maybe I'll never get out from under this mistake.
Financially or emotionally.
Please hold.
An American Express operator will be with you shortly.
If I make this, Robert will get out from under this mistake, financially and emotionally.
Please hold.
An American Express operator will be with you shortly.
Try again.
If it's that lady with the Girl Scout cookies, I'm about to pop off.
- I told you last time, I am a diabetic and I do not have the willpower to resist a box of Thin Mints.
So unless you want to come to my funeral - no sale.
- It's not about cookies.
Are you Mormon? I don't have time to sit and chat about God either.
Look, I'm sorry to bother you.
My name is Brianna Douglas.
Brianna Douglas? Doesn't ring a bell.
I used to live right above you.
I-I'm looking for my daughter.
I just found out she ran away from foster care.
- Um this is her.
- [LOUIS.]
Have you seen her? Oh, God, I'm sorry.
You're blind.
I wasn't thinking.
Oh, no, that's okay.
She ran away over a month ago, and no one even called me.
You haven't seen a little girl in the hall or anywhere? - You haven't heard her? - Uh-uh.
Well, if you do, her name is Amber Jasmine, and if you could just tell her that her mommy is looking for her and I will be back every day.
Hey, look.
Look, I know you can't see me um, but you do kind of know me.
You used to give me donuts when I was real out of it.
They were really good.
Uh, Brianna.
Here, take this.
- I don't I don't need that.
- Even I can see that you do.
Thank you.
Did I give you a ten? Um, no, it's a 20.
Do you have change? Uh, no, I'm sorry.
Keep it.
Who is it? - [BRIANNA.]
It's a neighbor.
A couple of hours later, we rolled into Mississippi.
It was pretty late, 'cause we hit a skunk on the road and my man had to pull over and cry for a while.
- Okay, five, four Three, two, one, light 'em up - Put your hands up - Let's go - Put 'em up, put, put your hands up - Let's go - Put 'em up, put, put your hands up - Let's go - Put 'em up, put, put your hands up - [HORN HONKS.]
Put 'em up in the dark at the party [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
I can still smell that poor, surprised skunk.
That's not a skunk.
Those two dudes over there were smokin' a big, old fatty.
Got a problem with that, kid? Okay, Bob Marley Jr, stay close to me and, uh, don't inhale.
We're gonna run in here real quick and say hey to my homegirl Fabergé, then come right back out here to this RV and get some sleep.
I'm exhausted.
That roadkill drama can really take it out of a girl.
Hey, yo.
Chuck E.
Cheese is on the other side of the I-55.
No, no, no.
She's with me.
We belong here.
I'm in the show.
The show's already on.
Oh, no, I don't do Thursdays.
I start tomorrow night.
He just wants to say hi to his homegirl Febreze.
It's Fabergé.
Just tell Fabergé Ruby is here.
- My man, watch the door.
What's his problem? That's a woman.
I know.
I was just being a bitch.
- [MAN.]
You got a dollar? - [GASPS.]
Aww! We should give 'em some money.
She has a puppy.
And new Gucci sneakers.
Come here.
Oh, hi, boy.
Hi, baby.
Aw! You got a dollar? And scene.
What's your name? It doesn't really have a name yet.
- What percentage of that dollar goes to the puppy? - What? How much for doggy food, doggy treats, doggy toys? Rough estimate.
Ruby? I'm Darrell.
I'm Fabergé's bodyguard.
Shall we? Shall we what? [CHUCKLES.]
Go inside.
Oh, yes.
- Two more seconds.
Two more seconds.
Come on.
- [AJ.]
Buy that puppy something! - Come on! [AJ LAUGHS.]
Wiggle, wiggle, wild Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle Wiggle, wiggle, wild Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle Jiggle, jiggle, jive Jiggle, jiggle, jiggle J-Jiggle, jiggle, jive, jiggle Now, go ahead, get crazy Get stupid Get crazy, get stupid Get crazy, get stupid Don't worry about a thing Just lose it Just lose it, let's lose it Don't worry about a thing, just lose it Freak in my head Cheeks is another Oh, you got kids I'm a bad mother lover [CROWD CHEERS.]
All right, we're going to take a short break.
Enjoy the DJ, get your groove on, get your drink on.
We got half-price cocktails for the next 25 minutes! Give it up for my girl, Miss Terri! She's almost fabulous.
Bitch! Bitch! - Darrell, bring my babies over to me.
Oh, my goodness.
Mwah, mwah! Girl, your place is poppin'! - Thank you, Jesus.
Ah! It's like the United Colors of Benetton up in here.
Yeah, we get all kinds, girl.
We got straight guys, gay guys, guys on the DL.
You got butch dykes, baby dykes, drag queens, drag fans, everything in between, honey.
Everybody's welcome at the Jackson Joint.
Except those fools that wear the sneakers with the toes in 'em.
Ah, not up in here.
You have a great laugh.
Oh, hey.
Stand up straight.
Okay, baby, here you go.
And who's Little Miss Sunshine over here? I'm his bodyguard.
- Oh, really? Well, come and sit next to me, little one.
AJ, I wanna introduce you to the legendary Fabergé Legs.
Because, like Fabergé eggs, she comes in installments.
Okay, so that's not a joke for the littles.
Why not? Ruby, I'd like you to meet Miss Terri Tory.
Excuse me, did you say, "Territory"? Yes, bitch.
I'm taking over the world! She's my drag daughter, and also my idiot nephew.
Idiot? I'll have you know I went to Vassar.
To study art.
Took out a whole bunch of student loans, and now we've got Fannie Mae barking up our ass.
Is anyone gonna move? Not till she's done with that hand.
Hey, sit.
I've got to take care of some business.
This color's good for you.
Wanna keep it? It was, uh, great meeting you, Robert.
Mama Fabergé's told me all about you.
I'll catch up with you later? He's gonna catch you later.
You will see her later, because we're gonna all get something to eat after this.
Oh, girl, no, no, no.
I'm tired.
I have to go back to the RV and get some [HUSHES.]
Child, soul food.
We wouldn't need to go out and eat if you had the taco bar, like I suggested.
Didn't you get my business proposal? I wrote it on a cocktail napkin.
Uh, sorry, girl, I had to use it to clean up a spill.
That ain't right, Mama.
Speaking of mamas, how's yours doing? Is she still with us? Still with us? Child, she's over at the bar serving drinks.
Mama! Huh? Ooh, Darrell, run over there and help Mama with those cherries before she pops a clot.
I'm worried about the puppy out front.
Mama, we're gonna go now.
Okay, baby.
Think those two are homeless? AJ, they're probably just slackers who live in one of their parent's big houses.
You saw those Gucci shoes.
Can we get a photo, Fabergé? Of course! Two dollars.
- [MAN 2.]
Ruby is red hot - Hot fire nonstop - Hey, Louis.
- Girl, she was here.
Who? Speak up, I can't hear you.
I'm in a club.
Are you doing Thursdays now? Bitch, no.
Look, the kid's mother.
She was here lookin' for her.
Hold on.
Keep an eye on her.
I-I need to take this.
I can't hear in here.
I got it.
Thank you.
What you doing? Slow down, Soul Train.
Oh, my God.
She came to the apartment? Walked right up to our apartment and asked about AJ.
- Child, I almost had another stroke.
- Lemon salmon with haricots verts.
- Mm! - [ROBERT.]
What'd you say to her? Child, I didn't know what to say.
So I just said, "I don't know anything about her.
" Bon appetit.
Did I do the right thing, girl? [ROBERT.]
Sure [SIGHS.]
uh, yes.
- I think.
- I mean, what else could I have said? "Uh, yes, I know what happened to your little girl.
My unmarried roommate has taken her across five state lines in an RV.
" How is making this sound like an episode of To Catch A Predator helping? Are the beans done enough? - Say what? - The beans.
Are they Are they too al dente? Oh, hold on, Robert.
- A little.
W was she high? Oh, I don't think so.
Louis, she's a junkie.
How can she, all of a sudden, not be high? Well, maybe she went cold turkey.
You know, for the love of her little girl.
Okay, how is making this sound like a Lifetime movie starring Tara Reid helping? Well, Robert, people can change.
I guess that's true.
I mean, I'm at Fabergé's club, and she has totally turned her life around.
You would never know she had such a hard time after she got out of prison all those years ago.
Her life now is a total success.
Well, good for her.
You know what's not a total success? My beans.
You know, I skipped leg day to make you this meal.
You're always on the phone with him! I gotta go, girl.
I think my relationship just left the honeymoon phase.
Mm! I'm rethinking these beans, baby.
Too little too late! - [DOOR SLAMS.]
Now I know why they call it bucking.
Someone gave me a buck! Ooh, child, my feet! - Girl, can I just tell you something? - Always.
I am so proud of how you turned your whole life around.
It's truly inspiring.
'Cause if you can do it, girl, anyone can.
Evening, boys.
Right through here.
Car's out back.
- [GROUP.]
Mama! - [FABERGÉ.]
Hey, y'all.
Ugh, what's that smell? This is my fragrance kitchen.
We make Chanel, Gucci, Versace, Tom Ford.
He's easy, 'cause nobody knows what he smells like.
And, over here, Santa's Workshop.
If the elves were knocking off Gucci.
Like that's so ugly you know it's designer.
Right off the runway, via a truck, right off my loading dock.
Oh! Ruby, I'm gonna go put on my eating pants.
You and sweetpea go ahead with Darrell and Mama and Terri and I will meet you there.
- Okay.
- Feel free.
Take whatever you want.
AJ, no.
Put that down.
Come on.
Put it down.
- Why? - Because I said so.
Who buys all this stuff? Oh, everybody.
We got locals, college kids, housewives in the Hamptons.
Counterfeiting is a billion-dollar business.
What's "counterfeit"? Something fake.
And, in this case, illegal.
Fake, real, illegal, legal.
This is America.
Fake news, fake shoes.
Make way.
Bitch is hangry! [CHUCKLES.]
- You're not a fan of ribs? - I'm not.
In fact, I once went to a doctor and asked him how much it would cost to have two removed.
I bet you'd change your tune if you tasted my mama's rib recipe.
I should make it for you sometime.
What's going on in here? Uh, why do I feel like I'm watching the black, gay version of The Bachelor? AJ, stop kicking me under the table.
Girl, it is so good to see you.
Y'all don't even know.
Ruby saved my life.
Saved my mother-effing life.
Back in 2010 when I got out of prison You were in prison? Yeah, child, I was.
- For what? - For too long.
Ooh, and when I got out, no one would show me any kind of love, except your mama over here.
Back in the Big Apple, she used to host a show at, uh - Fingers Uptown.
- Not to be confused with fingers downtown.
So that's okay for the littles? Oh, child, please.
Let me finish.
Fingers Uptown, Wednesday night was '80s night.
- Mm-hmm.
- And Ruby put me up on stage with her.
Y'all heard of Salt-N-Pepa? We was Pepa-N-Pepa.
Salt and Pepa's here And we're in effect Want you to push it, babe Coolin' by day Then at night working up a sweat C'mon girls Let's go show the guys that we know How to become Number one in a hot party show Now push it - Push it - Push it good Push it Push it real good Push it - Push it good - Push it P-Push it real good! [AUDIENCE CHEERING.]
Child, we should have been called Assault-N-Pepa.
Not that I went to prison for assault.
But, girl, we slayed the house down.
Come on, Mama, '80s night? That shit would never fly today in the club.
Oh, it wouldn't? Well, we gonna find out tomorrow night.
'Cause I'm bringing oldies night to the Jackson Joint.
Oh, yeah.
And if anybody can make that shit fly, it is Ruby Red over here.
- You down, gal? - Wait a minute.
So now I've got to pull together an oldies number to get my coin? Damn, I was gonna phone this gig in.
Oldies night? That's the idea you're gonna run with after all the brilliant ideas I gave you.
Uh, baby, again, no one wants to go to a combination hot yoga yogurt place.
I disagree.
All I need is a small loan.
You give everybody else a damn loan.
Yes, I do.
For rent and real-life stuff and when someone needs a leg up.
Robert needs a leg up.
- AJ! - You owe them all that money and don't think the sun'll come out tomorrow.
Now, wait a minute.
What what happened to you, lady? You need some help? It's nothing.
Yeah, right.
I got grifted by a guy and turned him into the cops.
So now he's really pissed and chasing us around the country.
Baby that don't sound like nothing.
Now, you know, you bring him down here to Jackson and Mama's crew can put an end to this.
And there's two of them.
He didn't tell you about the freaky-deaky lady with the eyepatch.
Oh, you know her.
From New York.
Lady Danger? Oh, yeah.
I know her.
She a bad bitch.
She was supposed to give me some high-grade silicone.
Pumped in some motor oil or something shit.
- Gave me an autoimmune.
- Mm! Okay, now this is getting ridiculous.
No, no, this is not for us.
Here you go, Rita.
She feeds tent city every night.
You heard of Robin Hood? Well, this is Robin in da hood.
You cannot believe how many tent cities we've seen on this trip.
It's rough out here now.
It's my puppy! - [DARRELL.]
I got her.
Hey, AJ! AJ, come back here.
Aw, he remembers me.
- Hey, don't just go running off like that.
- [MAN.]
Whoa! That's our dog.
They are homeless.
You told me they lived in one of their parent's big houses.
I said maybe they did because of her Gucci sneakers.
Gucci sneakers? Those are ours.
House of Fabergé.
- Let's just get back in the car.
- No, no, no.
We have to go over.
That's their dog.
Come on.
Let's go.
- Hey, jerk-off! - Hey! Why's your puppy in the middle of the road? Unattended.
No leash, nothing! Whoa! Whoa! - AJ! - What? You're too busy vaping to watch a poor little baby? What's happening, man? I'll tell you what's happening, man.
- You're a horrible, horrible mother.
Stop! - [ROBERT.]
I was sleeping.
Just give me my dog, man.
It's it's their dog.
It's their dog.
Give 'em the dog.
Oh, fine.
Just give it to me, okay? - [AJ.]
No! - Just give it to me.
Now go wait in the car with Darrell.
- Go on.
She's a horrible mother! [SOBS.]
She didn't give him a name! [SIGHS.]
Here's your dog.
You want it? Fifty bucks.
Dude! It's my dog.
You don't even walk it, Trina.
- It shits in the tent all the time.
- No way.
- I love him.
- We don't have any money, dude.
We can't even eat.
What about for $100? A hundred.
Would you take $99? It's everything I have.
You'd better come up with a good name.
My puppy, puppy.
Yes, this is Oscar-winner Lorraine Bracco in 319.
I'd like a club sandwich with extra bacon and my wife would like two chicken breasts, grilled with no bun or anything on them.
Okay, thanks.
You know, I'm pretty sure that Lorraine Bracco doesn't have an Oscar.
You should look that up if you're gonna use your stolen credit card because I'm not getting busted by this motel chain because you're too lazy to Wikipedia.
I'll do it right now.
I sure hope that food comes soon, 'cause you are in a mood.
It's 4:00 a.
It's too late to eat.
I'm going to bed.
We drove ten hours.
You haven't eaten anything all day.
Just eat something.
Okay, you're not my mother! I'm not your wife.
So why don't we just shut it down for the night? You sure you're not my wife, because you sound like you're on your period.
You wanna do this? Let's do this.
- Do what? - [DAMIEN.]
Ten hours.
Ten hours, we are driving out of our way, chasing the wrong RV, because you are too busy checking your goddamn Instagram to notice that the RV you told me to follow has Nevada plates.
Robert's has New York plates! Hey, you've got more working eyes than I do.
You could have used them.
Yeah, I got eyes.
Eyes plural, that are busy watching the road, and busy watching for cops, and busy watching that my once smoking-hot car isn't becoming any more of a piece of junk.
Is this still about your car? No! No! This is not about my car! No! This is about everything! You know you're crazy now, right? [PANTING.]
I'm crazy.
I am crazy.
You're right.
And I'm getting out of here before I get any more crazy.
I'm done.
I'm done.
Okay, stop.
You're gonna eat a few bites of room service, compliments of Lorraine Bracco Academy Award nominee for Goodfellas.
See? I looked her up while you were having your breakdown.
Then we're gonna check out of this shitty motel, we're gonna drive the rest of the way to Jackson, and then we're gonna kill a drag queen.
I'm not a killer.
I'm out of here.
I'm leaving, and I'm sure that one of your bogus credit cards can fly you back to New York or Hell or wherever it is that you live.
You're gonna leave me here in bum-twat-whatever? After all that we've been through together? [SIGHS.]
When I met you, you were nothing.
To be somebody, to be somebody How's your beer? You like, uh, Michelob? It's okay.
Could have done so much better.
That old queen would have got you any drink you wanted.
Even Moët Chandon.
A whole bottle.
You know what that is? It's champagne.
That guy didn't buy me this beer.
I'm married, lady.
I'm married, too, lady.
Give me a call when you're ready to stop drinking Michelob.
I've got my eye on you.
Let me breathe I don't need you for me to be somebody To be somebody I was never nothin'.
You walk out that door, and everyone you know gets this gay grifter post.
Your ex-wife.
Your mother.
Your mother.
How do you think she'd feel if her hot Cuban son was a queer? What do you want from me? I've given you everything.
Well maybe not everything.
Maybe it's finally time to see what all the fuss is about.
Unless you have some reason you don't want to sleep with a hot woman.
So what? I if I do this, then you and I, we're we're finished? Yeah.
I'm still gonna need that ride to Jackson to kill that queen, but yeah we're finished.
Let's do this.
- [AJ.]
It's okay, baby.
Shh! Shh! Shh! Look, look, look, it's okay.
It's okay.
It's okay.
It's okay.
Robert? You still awake? Yes, I am.
Why is he still crying? Probably 'cause he's in a new environment.
He'll get used to it.
When? Soon.
I hope.
It's okay.
It's okay, baby.
Are you asleep? No, I am not.
Do dogs eat toast? No, they do not.
I think he's hungry.
Should I make him an omelet? Do you even know how to make an omelet? Yeah, I do.
Why is this the first I'm hearing of this? So is it a yes or a no on the omelet? It's a no.
And why are you whispering? Because I didn't want to wake him up, so, shh.
He's not asleep.
Hasn't been for hours.
Like me.
Now go back to bed.
Uh, some people don't believe that, but, um So when you started What I'm trying to get at I think that when a lot of people are stricken with some kind of disease, be it cancer, be it AIDs um they start prayin' a lot.
Well, that's understandable, yeah.
- You want to reach sort of, like - [PUPPY CRYING.]
reach for a miracle, and that's what I was reaching for.
I know that miracles happen every day.
Miracles happen through love, and they just happen, and they're unexplainable.
And I can realize I'm not going to have to be that statistic - and I can go on and fight - Shh.
for my own personal wellness.
I started meditating [KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
I need five more minutes in here, AJ.
I fell asleep in the shower.
Not AJ.
Well, good afternoon.
- Mm, hi.
How'd you get in here? Kid's walking the puppy, told me to come on in.
Oh, I hope she's walking it to get some puppy NyQuil, 'cause I can't go through that again.
- Rough night? - Ah, look at me.
Do I look like I had a good night? You look great.
Got a surprise for you.
Meet me outside.
What is happening? - [BOUNCER.]
Put some sauce on that.
- Just This is my dry rub.
You know dry rub? Uh, what is happening here? - [WOMEN.]
Hi! - [WOMAN.]
All right! Why am I suddenly in a Tyler Perry movie? I wanted to make you some of Mama's ribs.
You can't have Mama's ribs without a picnic table.
And you can't have a picnic without grass.
And we got grass.
Both kinds.
Yeah, well, I got a kid, so one kind.
And don't I get any say in all of this? You took three hours to get ready.
We had to roll on without you.
Child, get on out here! I'm hungry.
- Mama's hungry, Mama's hungry - Oh! Yeah, Mama's hungry, Mama hungry Mama's hungry Yo, I'mma get up on it Get up, get up on it - [DARRELL.]
Oh, oh, oh! - [WOMEN EXCLAIM.]
Look at them bounce.
Go! Darrell, did you put Red Bull in these ribs? [ALL LAUGH.]
Mama, we should open up a pop-up shop right here on the weekends in the parking lot to sell these.
- [MAMA.]
- I even got a cute little name for it.
"Ribbed For Your Pleasure.
" Oh.
Like the condom.
Nothing? That's gold! People! I'mma go check on the greens.
Everybody! I have an announcement to make.
Since Jackson is my favorite place I've ever been to in my whole entire life I'm naming the puppy - Jackson! - [ALL CHEER.]
Look at that.
You know, I still got a half a pig over there.
You gotta have one more of my mama's ribs.
Oh, listen, I have already eaten too much.
I feel like I'm the pig.
I've been cookin' since noon.
Oh, my, I am so sorry.
This is - actual real Gucci.
- [SIGHS.]
Guess I should take it off and throw some water on it.
Mm, girl.
He likes you.
He is very sweet.
Go for it! Go for what? Child, I am way too fragile to start anything after what just happened to me.
Girl, I'm talking like a one-night thing.
Go ahead.
I don't do that.
I fall in love and create false futures with people.
That's what I do.
That grifting piece of ass.
You know, I wish you would let me handle that for you.
I could make him go away.
Oh, yeah.
I'd make him go away.
No way.
I cannot have murder on my hands.
Not that I'm saying you went to prison for murder.
- Right.
- I mean did you? Girl.
- Sorry.
I just never quite got a clear story on what happened.
It changes a lot.
I never said anything about murdering him.
I'm a business woman, and I know how to take care of business.
And, for the record, the only thing I've ever killed is this plate of ribs right here, okay? - Ain't that right? - [GROUP LAUGHS.]
Good as new.
- Well, everybody thank you for this proper Mississippi welcome.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and transform into Miss Ruby Red.
Go ahead, Miss Ruby Red.
A feat that, after all that pork and cornbread, might take me a little bit longer.
- Mama.
- [MAMA.]
Hmm? You stay with sweetpea here.
I'm gonna send something over for her.
And are those your teeth out on the table? - Oh, nasty! Come on! - [FABERGÉ.]
Ugh! Come on, Mama.
You look very fly.
But what did I tell you about that counterfeit stuff? I know, I know, but Mama Fabergé gifted it to me and Jackson, and I didn't want to be rude.
After all, we are their guests.
She gave me this purse to give to you.
There's something in it.
No way! Mama Fabergé gifted you a loan! See? The sun will come out tomorrow.
Yeah, well, Fabergé means well, but it's not only bags and shoes and perfume she makes back there.
I saw some of this hanging up to dry during our little walk-through.
It's counterfeit? Yes, it is, bless her soul.
He's starting to cry again.
He wouldn't eat any puppy chow earlier.
Maybe he's just hungry.
Well, maybe.
Or maybe we should start by taking off this heavy gold chain.
Come on, baby.
See? It was the gold chain.
Do you think that he misses the ukulele? AJ no one ever misses a ukulele.
Work it, baby [CROWD CHEERING.]
Shots on the bed Like rock to the roll, bounce with it Work, work, work, bounce with it Work, work, work, bounce with it Work, work, work, bounce with it Work, work, bounce to this Just like you a baller Bounce with this Girl, I love how you holler Kiss me, baby, just like you Adonis Sweat me, baby Like drops in the sauna - Taste me, baby - [CROWD CHEERS.]
Yes! Okay, all right, there's your chocolate! Well, well, well! Ain't nothing oldie about that, Jack.
All right.
Now, bringing to the stage, my rock, my angel, my mama, Miss Fabergé Legs! [DANCE MUSIC PLAYING.]
Yes, children.
- Yes.
- Yeah, there's my baby.
Keep it coming.
You can tip me too.
Give it up for Miss Terri Tory, ladies and gentlemen.
- She's new-school.
And that's cute.
But let me tell you something, my children.
There wouldn't be a new school if it weren't for the old school.
- I'm not talking about age.
No, I'll never be the one to talk about that.
- I'm talking about respect.
For our history.
For our mothers who came before us.
Damn right! Now, y'all are about to be taken to church.
Because, tonight, our headliner comes to us from New York City.
Now, at my request, she's gon' bring us back to a gentler time.
- A time before iPhones.
A time before iPads.
Yeah! - A time before I was this fabulous.
Who am I kidding? I've always been this fabulous, child.
Please give it up for the legendary Miss Ruby Red! [CROWD CHEERING.]
Love, ha! Sometimes I think there's only one good four-letter word for love.
Hurt, that's right.
Every time you fall, you hurt yourself.
And I'm just not talking to you girls.
- What about you big, tough, sexy guys? - [CHUCKLES.]
The ones trying to hide all those bruises inside.
You don't need no doctors, no vitamins.
Being knocked down by love is one of life's little exercises for your heart.
And you gotta stay in shape.
It won't kill ya.
So the next time your lover says it's quitting time She looks fabulous.
Ah, I like it so far, but what is she trying to say? [AUDIENCE CHEERS.]
Loving you so Yes! I was too blind to see You letting me go But now that you've set me free It's gonna take a miracle Yes, it's gonna take a miracle To make me love someone new [AJ.]
Why are you crying? - [JACKSON CRYING.]
- 'Cause I'm crazy for you Though I know I can't forget about you I'm gonna try To show you how much you're - Turning me around - Turning me around Destroying me I'll never be The same as before Ooh! You must realize You took your love and left me - Doo-wop - Quite by surprise You can be sure that now It's gonna take a miracle Yes, it's gonna take a miracle [JACKSON CONTINUES CRYING.]
- 'Cause I'm crazy for you, oh! - Didn't you know - [HORN BLARES.]
It wouldn't be so easy - You letting me go - Doo-wop You can be sure that now It's gonna take a miracle Yes, it's gonna take a miracle To make me love someone new 'Cause I'm crazy for you Yes, it's gonna take a miracle Yes, it's gonna take a miracle To make me love someone new - 'Cause I'm crazy for you - About you - Gonna take a miracle - Ooh, baby - Gonna take a miracle - Uh-huh To make me love someone new - 'Cause I'm crazy for you - About you Gonna take a miracle Gonna take a miracle - To make me love someone new - Ooh, baby - 'Cause I'm crazy for - Baby Yes, it's gonna take a miracle - Yes, a miracle - Gonna take a miracle - Ooh, baby - To make me love someone new 'Cause I'm crazy for you Baby Gonna take a miracle Yes, it's gonna take a miracle [DAMIEN.]
Okay, you're here.
We're done.
Will you wait five minutes? I just want to see where she is.
Shit stops right now.
- Oh, shit, man.
Yo, watch the door.
I got you.
What are you doing? What am I doing? What are you doing? Yo, Eyepatch is here.
- Uh-uh.
- Just pulled up.
- Oh.
- Let it wang, wang, wang Just wang it up Oh, man.
What are we doing? [SIGHS.]
What is she doing, man? - [GRUNTS.]
No! No, n-not my car! Stop! Stop! - [CRYING.]
Don't! Please! Hey! Please stop! - [MAN GRUNTING.]
Please stop! Please don't! I've gotta I'm getting out of here.
What the fuck? - Do you see? Do you see? This ain't right.
- [WOMAN.]
Come on, girl.
Oh, my Danger.
Word on the street is you not only screwed up my face, you screwed up your own.
No! - [FABERGÉ.]
Smile, bitch.
Y'all better scram or it's Instagram.
- [GROUP.]
Scram or it's Instagram! - [FABERGÉ.]
Keep going.
- And leave them alone! - [GROUP.]
Scram or it's Instagram! [ALL.]
Scram or Instagram! - Scram or Instagram! - [DAMIEN.]
Why'd I wait five minutes? Now scram! - [LADY DANGER SOBBING.]
Y'all thirsty? - [PERFORMER.]
Let's go get a drink, girl.
I'm over this shit.
You see that? - [SIGHS.]
That was really - nice.
- Yeah, it was.
Maybe I can come visit you in New York sometime.
This here between us this is real.
And I don't wanna ruin it with any fake plans.
I ain't playing, Robert.
Oh, I didn't mean you.
I meant me.
I'm the one who makes fake plans.
Uh this might seem rude to you, but it's a really healthy moment for me.
I'm so glad we did this.
So goodbye.
- How do I get out of here? - [LAUGHS.]
Damn, that was such a good exit line, right? It was good.
It was good, I'll give you that.
I'm doing the walk of shame, Charice.
Isn't it fabulous? - Get it! - [LAUGHS.]
The puppy is still crying? No.
I took the puppy back.
He was crying 'cause he missed his mommy.
Even if she was a bad one.
She hitchhiked all the way to downtown Jackson, Mississippi and back.
At times like this, I really do believe in guardian angels.
- Babe? - [LOUIS.]
It's Robert.
I-I have to take this.
It's important.
It's okay.
I'm smiling.
I'm down here with all kinds of attitudes about knock-offs and what's real or fake and I don't know what I've been thinking all these weeks.
But that is a real little person in there.
And she needs her real mommy.
Not some counterfeit one.
But we don't even know what her mother's deal is.
She misses her mommy.
Even if she's a bad one.
- [LOUIS.]
Brianna? - Yeah? I know where your daughter is.
- Ruby is red hot Hot fire nonstop Who got what I got? Nobody, nobody Ruby is red hot Hot fire nonstop Who got what I got? Ruby is red hot Hot fire nonstop Who got what I got? Nobody, nobody Ruby is red hot Hot fire nonstop Who got what I got? Nobody, nobody
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