ALF s01e06 Episode Script

For Your Eyes Only

Well, it's only toothpaste.
Kate, willie, you can come out now.
Be right there.
* happy anniversary * * happy anniversary * * happy anniversary * * happy anniversary * * happy happy happy happy * * happy anniversary * * happy happy happy happy * * happy anniversary * Cut, cut, cut.
what's going on? Lyrics too complicated? Happy anniversary.
[ Bang ] This is all very nice, Yes, thank you, but the only problem Problems, shmoblems sit down and relax.
The old alfer's doing it all tonight-- The cooking, serving, cleaning But once in the bedroom, you're on your own.
Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
What's going on? Alf is throwing us a surprise anniversary party.
Just a little informal nothing.
Lobster pate? Aren't you two going out? What? We have plans to see "nicholas nickleby.
" The tickets were very hard to get.
We appreciate all the trouble you've gone to.
Cutting roses to look like radishes.
Making pate.
Good pate, too.
What's in it? Let me guess-- Lobster, sour cream, But there's something else.
That's it.
The fluorescent kind-- I wanted it to be special.
** You're going? We'll be back.
Eight hours of dickens? Take a pillow.
I saw it on pbs.
It's un-Watchable.
The guy who plays wackford squares Sounds like he's from brooklyn! Another thing-- Guess who smike's father is? Ralph nickleby!Ha! Have a good time.
Yo, lucky, you busy? Feel like shooting the breeze? Probably on the phone with his friends.
[ Click ] I'm dr.
Schrock with jody on the line.
- Still there? - I'm here.
[ Dr.
] Jody, what's the cause of your loneliness? [ Jody ] los angeles seems so overwhelming.
It's like a different planet.
I can relate.
I'm afraid of rejection.
People react funny because i'm not like them.
I can relate to that, too.
[ Dr.
] You may have to risk the hurt to get things to change.
Put yourself out there.
You'll find a friend.
Hey, jody, you like redheads? [ Jody ] thanks for listening, dr.
Just having a caring person to talk [ Dr.
] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Stay on the line.
We have a pass to magic mountain for you.
Our number is 555-4455.
We'll be right back.
[ Click ] Hello, this is alf.
Let me speak to jody That emotional basket case.
Why not? Can you give her my number? It's 555-8531.
Tell her she found a friend.
Found a friend wish i had one.
[ Ring ] Hello.
Yeah, this is alf.
Oh, jody? Nice of you to call.
Hold on a second.
Jody what's up babe? The shot is up And it's good! [ Clip ] [ Clink ] 3 points.
One shouldn't cut one's toenails in the living room.
Why not? It causes one to barf up one's dinner.
Go on.
Just don't do it.
[ Ring ] Get that, will ya? It's probably jody.
If it's jody, you get it.
What if it isn't? I'll get it.
Hello? It's jody.
Who? Jody.
I just like to hear the sound of her name.
Who is it? Jody! I'm sorry.
It's just this "jody" business.
It's getting a little out of hand.
Hold on, jodester.
Could you all step out on the porch for a few minutes? I'd like some privacy.
Use the kitchen phone.
Just hang up when i tell you.
I don't know about this.
This is the I think it's nice that alf has a friend.
[ Alf ] hang up! Now! Where is this relationship going to lead? Does it have to lead anywhere? Is alf getting married? Why? Have you heard something? Ha! Ha! [ Crash ] oops.
Don't worry, jodester, it's just a gravy boat.
Talk to you later.
Nobody walk barefoot in the kitchen.
How's the jodester? Terrific-- We have so much in common.
We both love cats.
Of course, i like mine with a side of fries.
Ha! Ha! [ Crash ] Oops.
Love has made me a klutz.
We're happy you found a friend Outside the family Can't wait to meet her.
Meet her? Didn't i tell you? We have a date.
Date? You can't go out on a date.
Why not? Looked in a mirror lately? Mine's broken.
Oh, don't walk barefoot in the laundry room, either.
Alf, if you go out with jody Someone will see you.
No, they won't.
I'm going to jody's place.
But jody will see you.
I lucked out.
Jody's blind.
Blind? Blind.
Alf You can't go out with her.
Because she's blind? Yeah, because she's blind? This has nothing to do with her being sightless.
Say the word, kate.
She's blind! Her blindness isn't the problem.
What is the problem? What do you have against her? Don't you have homework to do? - It can wait.
- No, it can't.
Yes, mom.
We don't have anything against jody Can i borrow the car? No.
I won't let jody drive.
What happens when she starts asking questions? Like where you came from? She knows-- Cincinnati.
Cincinnati? What else did you tell her? Everything About my business, Wholesale band equipment; And my 2 lovely children.
Children? The twins From my brief marriage to cathy rigby.
It was wrong to lie to her.
I know, but what could i do? Eventually, jody will learn the truth.
Not if cathy rigby keeps her mouth shut.
Seeing jody at all Is much too dangerous.
You know it, and we know it.
So, uh, what you're saying is I can't have any friends.
You have lots of friends.
I'm your friend.
Brian's your friend.
I'm your friend.
You have lots of friends Including me.
Just no friends outside the family.
If you need me, i'll be in my room.
Alone again, naturally.
[ Crash ] I'd clean it up, but i'm too depressed.
Well, mr.
Ginzburg, It's just you and me.
What do you want to do? Sing? Play charades? Go to a sock hop? Ha! Ha! Ha! Oh, no, i've killed my only friend.
Hey, alf Excuse me.
Yes? What? Would you like to go outside Throw the frisbee? The what? Frisbee-- I'll show you.
Guess i'm not in the mood.
We're just trying to cheer you up.
I don't need cheering up.
I'm happy.
I've got my cot, My washer/dryer combo, And i'm talking to socks.
If you want to play, We'll be right outside.
Brian, wear a face mask.
Be right out.
Alf I hate seeing you like this.
I hate to be like this.
I feel like streeeky mcintosh.
Streeeky who? Mcintosh.
Back on melmac.
We were orbit guards together.
He didn't have any friends either.
Of course, he was obnoxious.
Am i obnoxious? No, you're not.
[ Belch ] good.
I'm sure things will get better.
That's easy for you to say.
You didn't just buy a one-Way ticket to lonely-Ville.
No, But i do understand.
Schrock says we should take risks, But how can i take a risk When there's no one to take a risk with? I'll help you.
You'll what? I'll help you take that risk.
[ Crash ] [ Alf ] where's the styling mousse? Bottom shelf.
[ Crash ] Talcum powder? Under the sink.
[ Crash ] Mouthwash? Medicine cabinet.
[ Crash ] Mop? Never mind.
Let's go.
Nobody walk barefoot in the bathroom.
Come on.
We'll be late.
How do i look? Like a real hunk.
Hunk of what? Come on.
We have to go.
Really, a hunk of what? Okay, coast is clear.
Come on! I thought she lived alone.
How come she has all these rooms? This is where jody lives.
I still think i should have brought her something.
Some flowers; some candy; A rambo doll.
You don't have to bring her anything.
You mean you gals don't care about those things? We care a lot, but it's too late.
Maybe not.
What's willie got in this coat? Oh my gosh, it's somebodies hand! Shhhh! It's a glove.
I'll be back at Nine, right.
Sharp! Sharp.
Don't let her know you're an alien.
Alright already! Okay, bye.
Nine sharp.
Not an alien.
Nine sharp.
Not an alien.
Who is it? Not an alien.
I mean, alf! It's me.
Alf, hi! I'm jody.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
Please, you don't have to bow.
Hey, nice place you have here.
In case you were wondering.
Thank you.
I decorated it myself.
In case you were wondering.
Shall we sit? Good idea.
There's a chair in front of you.
I wondered what that was.
Would you like some shrimp hors d'oeuvres? Shrimp or what? Hors d'oeuvres.
Hmmmmtough choice.
I'll go with the shrimp.
Oh, ha, ha, ha.
I get it - Shrimp or deuvres! Ha, ha, ha.
Cat hairs.
Oh, i'm so embarrassed.
I thought i got them all.
[ Sniffing ] Could be a '79.
You'll probably be covered with hair, By the time you leave.
I'm used to it.
Tasty vittles! Oh, good.
I was worried you wouldn't like it.
Nowadays you never know what people will eat.
Some won't eat red meat; some sugar, Some won't eat fried foods Thanks, they were delicious! There you go.
They were? I'm glad you enjoyed them.
Did you want some? I'm too nervous to eat.
I eat when i'm nervous.
You're nervous? Uh huh.
I also eat when i'm not nervous.
I eat when i'm depressed.
when i'm bored.
when i'm lonely.
all the time.
I'm a little over weight.
I'm short.
I'm blind.
You win! How about some music? The stereo is to your right.
If you hadn't said anything, I might have played the lamp.
What would you like to hear? Anything by the archies or the partridge family.
I don't have those.
Then, just put on the chipmunks.
- Yeah! - Alf! There's someone calling you.
Where? I'm blind, but i'm not deaf.
Alf, come on! It's cathy rigby, isn't it? No, it's the girl i'm living with.
- What? - It's not what you think.
She's only sixteen.
It's worse than i thought.
Alf! My parents are going to catch us! Yeah, coming! This doesn't sound good but i can explain.
Just tell me the truth.
The whole truth.
I can't tell you the whole truth.
Actually, I can't tell you any of it.
Except one thing.
I really care about you.
I care about you, too.
I'm asking you to trust me.
You're asking an awful lot.
I know i am.
But remember what dr.
Schrock said, "Sometimes you have to take a chance.
" But it seems that i'm taking the bigger chance.
You have no idea.
Alf, alf! In a second.
Jody, Are you willing to take a chance on me? Yes.
Let me ask you something.
[ Knocking ] We've got to leave right now! So, how about it? Sounds good.
Good night, alf.
Good night, jody.
We made it! Oh my gosh, the bathroom is a mess! Hi! You're late.
Sorry we had to make a stop.
We thought about you wanting a friend.
So, here.
This is sparky.
You got me a rat.
Nice gesture.
It's a hamster.
Same genus, different species.
They taste alike.
[ Sniffing ] I'll take it back tomorrow.
[ Sniffing ] Tonight! Let's get you to bed.
Hi, everybody.
The bathroom is clean.
Great! You know, I'll never forget what you did tonight.
The important thing is that it's over.
Yeah, at least until saturday.
Saturday? Guess who's coming to dinner?