ALF s02e22 Episode Script

Movin' Out

If line 65 Is larger than line 34 -- What are you doing ? I'm doing willie's taxes, And eating his dinner.
Leave that alone.
What do you know about taxes ? I'm an expert on travel, entertainment and depreciation.
You mean destruction.
No, destruction goes under entertainment.
Hi, everybody.
Willie, how did your meeting go ? More importantly, What are your projected capital gains, if any ? Strangely enough, i will have a modest increase in income, Because i've been promoted to district supervisor.
You got it.
You're going to be supervisor for all of los angeles ? Not exactly all of los angeles.
Fullerton ? Uh, no.
Anaheim ? No.
Will you tell us, Or should we get a map and throw darts.
Actually, i'm supervisor for all of san diego.
You mean we have to move ? It kinda looks like it.
You are taking me when you move, right ? We might, if you stop eating willie's dinner.
Hmmm immediate gratification, Versus long-Term security.
I'm thinking, i'm thinking.
** Morning.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know it's early, but i'm sure your dad Will appreciate you seeing him off.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When you were a baby, you used to wake us up at 6 am.
Boy, you really carry a grudge.
I thought you were doing the 30-Minute workout.
I turned off the tv when that perky voice yelled "Come on gang, let's jazzercise.
" * san diego, here i come * * melmac's where i started from ** Would you like some breakfast ? What do you think ? I'll have the bacon and eggs, Sausage and ham, liver and onions, And chicken pot pie.
We're having oatmeal.
Even better -- My cholesterol must be in the millions.
Morning, dad.
You guys didn't all have to get up for me.
That's not what mom said.
Hey, boss man, Ready for your first day as "head honcho" ? "The big cheese" ? "Mr.
Dithers" ? "Big cheese" will be fine.
Speaking of cheese, kate, throw a slab on my oatmeal.
Would you like some breakfast ? No, i'll just have this cinnamon roll.
Sorry, we're out.
We got you a present.
For me ? How thoughtful, You guys.
Look at this -- "Classic books on tape.
" "Crime and punishment," "madam bovary," "Twisted sister.
" If you don't like that one, i'll take it.
[ Knock at door ] Hey, tanners.
It's trevor.
When does this man sleep ? Trevor ! Hi.
What are you doing up so early ? I never miss "30 minute workout.
" You work out ? I watch.
I like the instructor on the left -- Muffy -- The low-Impact one.
Who's the extra oatmeal for ? Uh, You.
Yeah, we were hoping you would come over.
I should drop by more often.
Why did you drop by ? To wish you good luck on the new job, And see why you haven't left yet.
That drive to san diego is a killer.
Why is there cheese in this ? We like it that way.
Then, let's trade.
I don't believe you're eating crackers in bed.
I know.
It's such a clich? Could you "hoover" the crumbs out of my fur ? I want every single crumb out of this bed.
Including you.
I know you're upset about willie, But he'll be home soon.
I won't leave this bed, until he is.
Rats ! Just what i wanted to see in my bed.
Cracker ? It's 11 pm.
What happened ? I'm sorry.
I got in a big tie-Up on the On the Freeway.
I suppose you've discussed the crackers in bed.
We were just discussing that, when you came in.
Yes, your arrival was most fortuitous.
Not that it matters, I'm so tired that i could sleep on broken glass.
Then you might want to sleep by the china cabinet.
I thought it would be a good time to mention it.
We'll discuss that later.
Honey, you look exhausted.
Maybe you should stay down there during the week.
I can't.
It would cost too much.
Get a couple of roommates -- A blonde and a brunette.
But when mr.
Roper comes over, pretend you're gay.
We'll just have to move sooner than we planned.
All right ! I'll go pack.
Again ! I guess we should sell the house right away.
Maybe with my raise, we can afford a bigger one.
Excuse me.
Did anyone find my cheese spread ? Yech.
Keep it.
I'm sorry, mrs.
Spencer, I don't know what happened to your check.
Yes, i know you have 5 children.
I can hear them from here.
I know the check is late.
Yes, i know how to read a calendar.
It's the 10th the 11th.
I'll see that you get that check, mrs.
Uh hmmm.
Good morning, sir.
Do you recall mrs.
Gladys spencer ? Spencer ? Spencer ? You were supposed to have sent her a check for $482.
I think i sent it.
I remember sending something To somebody.
Would you mind checking to see if you have any record of it ? Sir, i'll get right on it.
When ? Well, uh I was thinking, after lunch.
How about now ? I'm not hungry yet.
Get on it ! Sheesh ! Whatever happened to please ? Mr.
Tanner, did you sign those requisitions ? They have to go out by 1 pm.
I'll get right on it.
I'll do that now.
Payroll is still waiting for last week's time sheets.
I'll do that now.
And sir, i still don't have a parking space.
Sorry, denise, i'll do that now.
And your son is on line two.
Sure, no problem, i've got 12 hands.
Hi, brian ? [ Alf ] hi, daddy ! I'm very busy.
What are you doing ? I'm assigning parking spaces.
I thought you were a social worker.
I'm very busy alf.
I can't talk now.
Put me on hold.
I'll listen to the muzak.
Good bye, alf.
Later, babe.
I found the spencer check.
It was in the wilcox file.
Wilcox That name sounds familiar.
Do you have any explanation for this ? Oops ? I'd like you to take this check To mrs.
Oh, sir ? Can i take your car ? I don't want to take my new car into that part of town.
No, take your car.
Take it home -- And don't come back ! Denise, i've found you a parking space.
Excuse me.
[ Tv ] useful aluminum utensils -- get these oriental knives.
Plus, if you act now, You'll receive this handy potato peeler, This automatic knife sharpener, And this genuine bronzoid weather vane.
Call now.
I will ! I will ! What are you doing ? I'm buying you a bronzoid weather vane.
No, you're not ! Remember this when you don't get a birthday present.
Please, not tonight.
I'm too tired.
Rough day at the office, dear ? You said -- You know, i spent 6 hours On that Freeway.
Nobody in my office likes where they park.
And on top of that, I had to fire a guy, today.
Whoa ! Swing that ax ! I never fired anybody in my entire life, And i swear, i never want to do it again ! That's what george steinbrenner always says.
Sounds like you're not crazy about this new job.
I'm having a little trouble Getting the hang of it, that's all.
Like my old skleenball coach used to say, "Find out what you don't do well, Then don't do it.
" It's not that simple.
There are other people and things That depend on me.
I've got to consider what's best for them.
This move is a big mistake.
I've got to do something.
Nah that's too stupid.
I'll do it, anyway.
How long have you lived here ? All of our lives.
We don't want to move.
If we buy this house, you can come visit it.
Call, first.
What about the neighborhood ? The ochmoneks take getting used to.
Ochmoneks ? You can spray for those, can't you ? Oh, no.
Those are our neighbors.
You probably wouldn't like them.
Lynn ! Although, they're super people.
Perhaps you'd like to look at our ample closets.
I can fix that.
[ Crash ] I'm not sure i can fix that.
That's okay.
Howard will fix it.
He's handy with tools.
Yeah lucky for me.
Honey, look at the fireplace.
What was that ? Just bricks.
Why don't we show you the kitchen.
Yes, that's where the dishes are.
Alf ? It's got to be.
What an interesting little kitchen.
This will be great once we change it.
Howard is handy with tools.
Yes, you mentioned that.
That usually doesn't happen.
Imagine our relief.
These are little things that are easily fixed.
Its not like it's major.
[ Clang, clang, clang ] Like the plumbing ? Let me show you the rest of the house.
Are you folks hiding any other little defects ? Just one.
I'm going to take care of it ! The bedrooms are back here.
That's just a fuse.
Who built this place ? The poltergeist construction company ? Was anyone ever murdered here ? Not so far.
The master bedroom.
At first glance it seems harmless.
We have wall-To-Wall carpeting, and This room is back from the street and very quiet.
This, of course, is where we sleep.
[ Crack ] Although, probably not tonight.
I think we've seen enough.
Let's go.
Let me show you to the door.
Oh, alf -- Could you get them back in here ? They didn't check the bathroom.
I loosened every 3rd tile.
This is not the worst thing you've ever done.
This is the 15th worst thing you've ever done.
What was number 9 ? What possible reason could you have had for this ? Nobody wants to move.
Including you.
How do you know that ? Because you're a social worker.
What's that got to do -- Follow me, i'm being linear.
One could define "social worker" as a person Who works for the social good, right ? Yes.
Then why are you playing musical parking spaces ? And firing guys ? I also have to find a short stop for the office ball team.
Just tell me this, Why are we moving out of a house we do like, So you can keep a job you don't like ? I don't know.
I win ! Alf, how -- Hold on, kate.
Before we give him the 15th worst Scolding he's ever had, I think you should know something.
Brian, lynn, kate How about if i get my old job back and we stay here ? Yeah ! I'm not going to have that raise.
Forget it, we'll move.
Sorry, a momentary attack of shallowness.
I'm over it.
You worked so hard for this promotion.
What changed your mind ? It was alf.
Alf convinced me we'd be happier here.
Although, instead of destroying the house, Why didn't we just talk about it ? That was plan b.
Closet door.
It'll take at least 2 weekends To make repairs.
You could have howard help.
He's handy with tools.
[ Door bell ] Hi, i'm here to see the house.
I'm sorry, we just took it off the market.
What !Are you jerking me around ? I came all the way from costa mesa to see this.
I really think i should see it.
You can see it, but you're not buying it.
Why not ? Whoa ! I am out of here ! Great !Now we've got a furnished basement.
Whoa ! I am out of here ! Captions performed by by alien productions.
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