ALF s03e12 Episode Script

Do You Believe in Magic?

What are you guys doing? It's a magic trick we just saw on tv.
It's called "the 2-Layer pineapple surprise cake in a sun hat trick.
" With mom's sun hat? We couldn't find willie's.
And now, without further ado, A pinch of yeast And 2 eggs.
One, 2.
Does mom know you're using her sun hat? Silence, please! Will the young man with the freckles and the overbite Please mix the ingredients? She doesn't know, does she? I'm running this trick on a need-To-Know basis.
Is it done? Perfect! Now cover the hat with the plate, As i say the magic words.
Hacus pacus, Betty crock-Us.
Ta-Da! Ladies and gentlemen, Alf's magical 2-Layer pineapple surprise Soup.
lions gate home entertainment What are you doing? It was kate's idea.
I have to write this 100 times.
On the refrigerator?! She didn't say.
Allow me to present an alternative To writing on the major appliances.
What's that? It's a magic kit.
I thought i'd introduce you To some less messy tricks.
What do you know about magic? I dabbled a little when i was your age.
Uh Your height.
Really? Oh! Oh! Show me! Show me! Well Yeah.
Here.
Pick a card.
Any card.
Picka card.
I'm gonna tell you what that card is.
I know what the card is.
It's the 9 of clubs.
Pick another card.
Any card.
This time don't tell me what it is.
Fine.
Anycard.
[Sighs] There.
Happy? Ok.
Now you take a good look at that card, And then put it back in the pack.
[Sighs] All right, now, I'm going to concentrate On your thoughts.
A-- Our thought waves are connecting I feel the vibrations Ha! Aha! Is that your card? Beats me.
Don't you remember? You said take a look, Not commit to memory.
Alf, this is your card.
These cards are marked.
Well, you cheated! I didn't cheat.
You cheated, you lied, You said that you loved me.
It's not cheating.
It's part of the trick.
Watch.
Wow! How did you do that? It's all here.
It's right in here! Well, can i see? First, i want you to make The writing on the refrigerator disappear.
No problem.
Allakazoo, allakazam! I think this would work better.
Allakazoo, allakazam! [Engine roars on tv] Yo, it's showtime! Actually, alf, it's h.
B.
O.
Ladies and gentlemen, May i present Alf the stupefying! Grazie.
What magic have we to look forward to tonight, stupe? Picture, if you will, An ordinary flowerpot.
Empty to the human eye.
But one tap with my magic wand, And the flowerpot becomes Big jaggedy pieces of clay.
Ta-Da! I'll get the dustpan.
Uh, uh--No need! My lovely assistant will take care of it later.
I guess i'm the lovely assistant.
For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer from the audience.
Ah, yes! The lady with the questionable fashion sense! What's going on? Alf is being stupefying.
Oh, well, i would love to watch, But i'm going to the octoplex.
Dad, can i borrow $10? Well, i guess so.
Sure.
Thanks.
Hey, this is even better! I'll do the disappearing $10 bill trick.
I think we just saw that.
Young lady, Please put your $10 bill into this envelope And seal it.
Ahh, ok.
[Hums man on the flying trapeze] All done! Good! I will now put the envelope, Containing your $10 bill, Into my magic pan.
Voila.
A few magic shakes, And the money will disappear.
It's still there.
Well, so it is.
We'll have to make it disappear the hard way.
Willie, he's got a blowtorch.
I think these matches will do just fine.
Sure, if you don't care about showmanship.
All right, Light the envelope on fire.
[Hums man on the flying trapeze] Now, here.
Peel this.
And tell everyone What you have found embedded inside.
I have found a banana.
No $10 bill? Um, um, willie! Please check your wallet And tell us what you find inside.
Just my 20.
Ta-Da! Not only did i resurrect that $10 bill, I doubled it! Thanks, dad.
I can't spend that.
Hey.
Oh.
I thought you gave up on magic.
Something about being no good at it.
Being no good at something Is no reason to quit.
Ask anyone at the fox network.
I admire your perseverance.
As long as you're not burning money.
Thanks.
Hey, willie, You wanna see a trick? Well, sure.
Ok, uh, first, I need to borrow a handkerchief.
Well, here we go.
Thanks.
[Blows nose] I'll also need your watch.
Well, you--You will be careful with it, Won't you? Of course.
Well All right.
Thank you.
Now you will notice that in one hand I hold a man's wristwatch.
In the other, A velvet pouch.
Would you say that the watch is intact, sir? So far, yes.
Watch this.
I wave my hand over the bag, Say the magic words, Hocus pocus, Go for broke-Us.
And your watch Is as good as new.
[Stammers] I--I don't believe it! Was that a new watch? [Muffled groan] Rabbit.
Huh? Rabbit on my chest.
[Sighs] Alf.
The stupefying.
The stupefying.
Alf! Alf? Kate! Willie! You're just in time to see my newest trick.
Where did these rabbits come from? Well, first father rabbit Picked up mother rabbit in the singles' bar.
Then-- You know what i mean.
Where did you get all this stuff? Buckley's house of magic.
You bought all this? Rented it, actually.
They gave me the professional discount.
You still want to encourage him? Aw, come on, kate, It could be worse.
Ta-Da! Alf's gonna saw me in half.
Much worse.
Uhh! You are not going to saw our son.
Yes, i am! You are not! Uhh! But i'm ready for big time.
How long does a guy have to toil In kiddie tricks? Maybe until he completes One or 2 of them successfully.
Maybe he doesn't stand a chance When all the diagrams favored Maybe he's gotten into something A little over his head.
Maybe at 3 foot 2, Everything he gets into is over his head.
Ok, remember how we saw it on tv? You close the curtain, And you spin the box around 3 times.
Ixnay on the spinning.
If you puke in that box, It can't be returned.
You all right in there? It's all right! Thank you, junior wences.
I'll say the magic words Allakazoo, Allakazam.
I'll show you what A hack i am.
Brian? Yo, "b"! You in there? Yes! Yes! I came, i saw, I demolecularized.
I can do magic! Oh, oh, now i'll make you reappear, "b".
Um Uh, abracadabra, Allakazam.
I'm a better magician than i thought i am! Uh-Oh.
A glitch in the finale.
Uh, allakazam.
Oh, no.
Uh, i vaporized the boy.
Kate and willie will not be pleased.
Especially since willie told me Not to do any more tricks.
Oh, wait a minute.
I smell a conspiracy here.
I also smell 8 rabbits cooped up in a garage.
Man! Whew! Ok, where is he? Where's who? Your little stooge.
Is he hiding under the sink? Ok, brian! Come on out! Simon says! You know what he's talking about? Hardly ever.
You really don't know What i'm talking about, do you? N-No.
Uh Simon says everyone take one giant step Out to the garage.
Then i said some more magic words, But when i opened the box, Brian was gone! Well, not gone exactly.
Just smaller and fond of salad.
Oh, wait.
Here-- Here we go! I knew there had to be a secret compartment somewh-- Brian's not here.
Don't deny your son's existence Just because he's a little different from the rest of us.
Alf, don't be ridiculous.
He is being ridiculous, Isn't he, willie? Of course he's being ridiculous.
It's not possible to turn people into rabbits.
Even with magic? It isn't magic, alf.
It's a trick! That's your theory.
Honey, he must be in the house somewhere.
Come on.
Let's go look for him.
Don't worry, brian.
You'll get used to the big ear jokes.
Well, thank you, mrs.
Beckham.
If brian does show up, Will you send him home please? Ok.
Thanks so much.
Bye-Bye.
Not there, either.
Uh-Uh.
Honey, i don't know who else to call.
I'm sure brian's fine.
Oh.
He wouldn't just run off Without letting us know.
[Sighs] Hey kate! You got any carrots left? Your son looks hungry.
Alf, did you get that cage from brian's room? That's right.
What did you do with the snake? What are you so worried about the snake for? We're talking about Your own fur and blood here! Kate, when you checked in brian's room, Did you look under the bed? N-No.
Well, i'm sure he's under there Playing cave dwellers again.
Watch out for the snake! He was pretty mad when i dumped him out.
Brian? Brian? Do you understand me? Um Hop once for yes, Twice for no.
Hi, alf.
How did you do that? You didn't even move your little rabbit lips.
Rabbit lips? Brian! You're not a rabbit! [Door opens] Oh, brian! Hi, dad.
Where have you been? I was hiding in the car.
But i got hungry.
Why were you hiding in the car? I wanted alf to think he made me disappear, So he wouldn't think he's a bad magician.
Oh! Oh, honey.
It was nice of you not to want alf to feel bad, But we were very, very worried about you.
Yeah! I thought i turned you into a rabbit.
Sorry, mom, dad.
Sorry, alf.
I guess i messed up the trick.
That's ok, bri.
Now you can clean up your own pellets.
A very large snake just slithered Into my gym bag.
Somebody please do something.
You better not have scared captain eo.
Go.
As soon as we're finished here, We're gonna pack up all the rabbits, And all the magic boxes, And we're gonna send them back Whence they came, right? Right.
Oh, alf.
You didn't have to bring us breakfast in bed! It was the least i could do, After i almost misplaced your son and everything.
Say, i'm sorry the magic thing didn't work out.
That's ok.
I've thought about it, And i believe my true calling in life Is to build powerful fireworks displays.
If you need me, i'll be on the phone With buckley's house of gunpowder.
Alf! lions gate home entertainment Captioned by the national --Www.
Ncicap.
Org-- Alf: ah! Ha ha ha ha!