Alfred Hitchcock Presents s03e19 Episode Script

The Equalizer

Good evening and welcome to tee time.
I'm taking up golf.
I've learned to play by watching a demonstration on television.
I'm convinced that it's very easy to make a hole in one.
At least this one.
In the demonstration, the golfer knocked a ball off his friend's head.
I'm not using a ball.
Being a beginner, I feel I'm entitled to a larger target.
Perhaps you'd better look the other way.
I know I shall.
Well, coming into the back nine, he had me by three strokes, and, boy, was he crowing.
You know how Mr.
Sloan is.
He loves to rub it in.
How did you finish? I was one up.
He was mad enough to jump into the water hazard.
I don't know how you do it, Eldon.
The old man gets at least Yeah, well, he's strong enough, but I've got the old equalizer.
His strength doesn't do him any good on the green at all.
He three-putted the last five holes.
Well, I'm going up and collect my drink.
See you later, Eldon.
Charlie, put my clubs in the rack.
Well, next Saturday I take on our new salesman.
He tells me he shoots in the high 80s.
You'll beat Phillips, Mr.
I don't know.
You know, I haven't broken 90 in years.
And he's a big, strong fellow.
Say, what makes you think I'll beat him? He's a salesman, isn't he? You never play a customer's game, do you, Eldon? No, I suppose not.
Well, he certainly makes a wonderful impression.
You know, I think I've picked the right man.
Oh, that was really fun.
It really was.
Thank you.
The both of you.
And let's do it again sometime.
Oh, yes.
Real soon.
Your wife is a very good dancer.
Yes, I know.
Well, Carl, how about some bridge? Any time you like, Mr.
You ready, Eldon? Whenever you say.
Well, how about making a fourth, Wayne? What? You play bridge, don't you? Sure, but this is my first night, Harvey.
Let me enjoy myself.
All right, have your fun while you're young.
But that bridge table's gonna get you someday.
I'll wait.
Ed, come on.
You play with us.
Come on, fellas.
Sorry, honey, I'll be back Ed.
Ed, don't you worry.
I'll look after her.
Sobol, this is my dance.
It sure is.
Well, how did you like him? Who? Wayne Phillips.
He's all right, I guess.
A typical salesman.
Is that all? You know I never form any impressions of people the first time I meet them.
You had a long conversation with him.
Did I? Were you timing it? No.
Of course not.
You just seemed fascinated by him.
Eldon, I'm really very tired.
Very, very, very tired.
You were, weren't you? You're the one who must've been fascinated by him.
You keep talking about him.
I just wanted your opinion of him, that's all.
I don't think I liked him.
In fact, the whole thing rather disgusted me.
Everyone fawning all over him, even Mr.
After all, he's just another hot-shot salesman you stole from another company.
If a stranger had walked in, he would have thought that Wayne Phillips owned Kay Corporation.
He has a way about him.
He certainly has.
I'm glad you don't like him.
If you had, I certainly would've been worried.
Well, you needn't worry.
Good night, dear.
Good night.
Good morning, Eldon.
Good morning.
Say, Eldon, you know those Saturday night things at the country club? Boy, they are a great idea.
It's just like one big, happy family.
That's right.
What can I do for you? I just dropped in for a chat.
You know, I always like to get to know the people I'm working with.
How's Louise? She's fine.
She's a lovely girl, Eldon.
All the wives are.
And pretty, too.
Hey, you know that Sobol's wife, she ought to be in the movies.
What's her first name? Jean.
I'm surprised you didn't learn that Saturday night.
I don't work that fast.
You certainly didn't waste any time learning my wife's first name.
Why, Eldon, I wouldn't have thought you were the jealous type.
I didn't think accountants got emotional about anything.
I didn't say I was jealous.
You're acting like it.
What's the matter, don't you trust your wife? I trust her implicitly.
Well, then it must be me you don't trust.
We can't have that, Eldon.
Think what it'll do to Harvey's big, happy family.
Hey, don't you really trust your wife? Let's get one thing straight, Phillips.
Yes, I do trust my wife with you because I trust her.
As for you, personally, I wouldn't trust you as far as I could throw you.
That wouldn't be very far, would it, little man? I know your type, Phillips.
I'm warning you right now.
You're warning me? You heard me.
Just don't try to prove your irresistibility with my wife.
Eldon, I don't know whether that's a warning or a dare.
You got yourself a pair of shoes, huh? Yeah.
I thought the others were gonna fall apart.
Hi, Mr.
Say, have you fellows seen Wayne Phillips anywhere? No, I haven't seen him, Mr.
He was supposed to meet me on the first tee at 1:00.
It's after 2:00 now.
Well, he certainly wouldn't stand you up.
You don't suppose he had an accident? Oh, no.
Something probably came up.
He had a lot of important deals cooking.
Well, I'll give him a few more minutes.
It may not be an important deal, but I'll bet it's interesting.
He doesn't care whose time he does it on either.
Yeah, I wonder whose time he's really beating.
You'd think he'd have better sense.
The old man thinks he's the blue-eyed wonder.
But just let Phillips get into a messy situation and see how long he lasts.
You can't expect the man to be a hermit.
Romancing a dame is one thing, but playing around with somebody else's wife is something else.
Who is she? That's what I've been wondering.
Well, I'm not going to wait any longer.
Hey, what's the matter with you, Eldon? I don't feel well.
You look like you're going to be sick.
Do you want a doctor? No, I'll be all right.
Listen, Carl, why don't you play with Mr.
Sloan? I Sure.
Suppose he'll be all right? Sure.
Something he ate.
Another one.
Excuse me.
Hello, dear.
I'm sorry I'm late.
But I just couldn't get organized today.
Are you starved? No, I'm not hungry.
Oh, good.
I'll have time for a martini.
Dave, very, very, very dry this time, okay? Thank you.
Well, how was the game? I didn't play.
Oh? Why didn't you? Well, I felt sick about 2:00.
I almost came home.
Well, you should have.
I could have done something for you.
I thought you might be out at the market or someplace.
Eldon, you know very well I never market on Saturdays.
I was home all day.
Thank you, Dave.
We're vulnerable, partner.
They've got a part score of 60.
We'll cut that leg off.
One no trump.
Watch you don't cut your own throat.
Two clubs.
Two hearts.
Four hearts.
Four hearts it is.
Good luck, partner.
I'll need it.
Well, down two and vulnerable.
That cost us $500.
Pretty expensive game.
Yes, it was.
How'd do you do, partner? Down two.
What was the idea of bidding four hearts? You had a lay down at three no trump.
Oh, I'm sorry.
We'll make it up next hand.
Whose deal? Mine.
Well, Eldon.
Feeling better? Hi.
Eldon, what the devil do you think you're doing? I want to fight this man.
You're drunk.
Not drunk enough.
Here, somebody take him to the washroom and sober him up.
This man has to fight me.
Don't be ridiculous.
What do you want to fight Wayne for? He knows.
Ask him where he went when he was the dummy.
Ask him where he was this afternoon when he was supposed to be playing golf with you.
Well, now don't you think that's his own business? Not when it involves my wife.
Why that's nonsense.
Here, you go on and be a good boy before I get mad.
Why you? Come on.
Get mad.
Go ahead, fight me.
No, I'm not going to fight you, Eldon.
I'm too big for you.
You're drunk, you're imagining things.
Of course you are.
Now go on home and sleep it off.
You shut up and stay out of this.
Come on, Phillips, fight me! You're making us all look very foolish.
Do like Harvey says before something happens to you.
You're scared.
That's right, little man.
I'm scared.
Scared if I hit you, I'll kill you.
Well, that's the way it's gonna have to be.
You'll kill me or else I'll kill you.
You fool.
You complete fool.
I suppose Phillips brought you home.
I can't see that it makes any difference now since you've announced it to the whole world.
You might have had a little understanding.
He stole my wife.
These things happen all the time.
But most men have sense enough not to make a spectacle of themselves.
It's degrading.
You said you didn't like him.
I suppose you're going to him now? No.
No, I'm not.
You very nicely ruined that for me.
It's what you intended to do, isn't it? You created such a scandal, we couldn't possibly go on.
But if I can't have Wayne, it doesn't mean I'm going to stay with you.
I'm leaving you, Eldon.
I'll be out of here in a few minutes, Mr.
I'm just cleaning out a few things.
Eldon, I don't understand you.
You put me in a position where I had to fire you.
Now, if you'd just kept quiet about it, the whole thing would have blown over.
Wayne Phillips isn't in love with your wife.
I know that.
If he was love with her, I wouldn't have done it.
But he just made her cheap.
That's why I'm going to fight him.
Now use your head, Eldon.
You can't fight a big man like Wayne.
He's too strong for you.
You found that out Saturday night.
He's got to fight me.
Why don't we all be sensible about this thing? Now, look.
You've been assistant treasurer here for a good many years.
And a good one.
Wayne is Well, he's just a salesman, and the woods are full of them.
Now you put that stuff back in your desk and we'll forget all about Wayne Phillips, okay? No, Mr.
I appreciate it, but I can't do it.
This is something between him and me, and we've got to settle it.
Marsh, you must be out of your mind.
Yeah, I know how this sounds, Jean, but it's the truth.
Yes, you ought to be in pictures.
You really think so? I certainly do.
If I were a producer What are you doing here? You're not a member anymore.
I'm your guest.
Well, all right, you're my guest.
Go ahead, have a drink.
Dave, will you fix him up with a drink? Don't buy me a drink, Phillips.
I'd only throw it in your face again.
Well, what do you want? I want a fight.
A fight? You had that.
I knocked you cold.
Wasn't that enough? No, it wasn't.
I told you the way it's got to be.
You've got to kill me, or I'll kill you.
You're crazy.
This man's crazy.
Maybe I am.
Louise has left me.
Did you know that, Phillips? Well, Eldon, I'm sorry, but you can see that I haven't got her.
You didn't even have the decency to take her after she left me.
I loved her Phillips.
We had a happy life together.
Now she's gone I don't know where.
Eldon, I'm sorry.
That's not enough.
You can't do a thing like this and just pass it off by saying that you're sorry.
You've got to fight me.
This is silly.
I'm not going to fight you again.
I'm twice your size.
It wouldn't be fair.
That's right.
It wouldn't, would it? All right, then.
Let's forget it.
I'll apologize for hitting you the first time.
There are other ways of fighting than with your fists.
What do you mean? Well, since you're so much bigger than me, let's equalize it.
You can choose the weapon.
Weapon? You mean to fight a duel? That would be fair, wouldn't it? We would both have the same weapon.
Why, that's the craziest thing I've ever heard of.
People don't fight duels today.
We can.
It's illegal.
So is what you did to Louise and me.
You broke up our home.
Now you've got to take the consequences.
Look, Eldon, stay away from me.
Listen you You get out of here.
Get him out before I kill him! So we're all even at the end of 16 and I hit a tremendous tee-shot.
Wayne here goes Yes.
Just a minute.
It's for you, Wayne.
Thank you, Ed.
Hello? What do you want? I've got nothing to discuss with you.
I want to know when you're going to fight with me.
Will you stop bothering me? No, Mr.
I'm going to keep right on bothering you until this is settled.
You're with friends, aren't you? I don't think you want me to come over there.
No, I don't.
It won't do you any good to come.
You're barred.
You won't get inside the door.
So don't waste my time or yours.
Phillips? What are you doing here? I came here to discuss our duel.
Yeah, well, I've had enough of you.
If you go inside, I'll follow you.
You'll only be thrown out again.
That's all right.
Every time you get somebody else to do your fighting, you get smaller and smaller.
And by the time I'm through with you, everybody in this town is gonna know what a coward you are.
Every time you come near me I'm going to flatten you.
And that'll only show what a bully you are.
Wait a minute.
You're not going to try to blackmail me.
I'm doing a pretty good job of it.
You must like getting your face smashed in.
I haven't felt anything since Louise left me.
You see, Phillips, you don't want to die.
That's why you're afraid of me.
But I don't care, so I have nothing to be afraid of.
That's the equalizer.
All right, what do you want from me? A fight.
A fair fight.
You choose the weapon.
Well, if that's the only way I can get rid of you, I've got no choice.
Have you got a gun? I can get one.
Well, you get it.
I'll meet you in two hours.
Where? The roof of the Kay Corporation building? I'll be waiting for you.
All right.
If you don't come, I'll keep after you Now don't you worry.
I'll be there.
Back to back, turn and fire.
Hey, look.
Hey, why do you insist on being killed? What makes you think I will be? It's an even fight now.
It doesn't matter that you're twice as big, or twice as strong as I am.
The guns cut you down to my size.
We'll be on equal terms.
Two hours, Phillips.
Right over there.
Okay, let's have it.
What happened here? Oh, his name was Marsh.
He was the treasurer of the company I work for.
He lost his job and blamed me for it.
No real reason.
I'm a salesman.
I couldn't have handled his job if it had been offered to me.
What was he doing up here? Up here? I don't know what he was doing up here.
You see, he telephoned me and said he wanted to talk about something.
He insisted that I meet him up here.
He said if I didn't come that he'd come to the country club and make a scene.
The minute I stepped out here on the roof, he came at me with a gun, and Eddie, come over here for a minute.
A good thing I was armed.
I have been ever since he started threatening me.
So you let him have it? Well, yes.
What else could I do? It was either him or me.
I shot just a second before he could.
Don't hand me that, mister.
I don't know what happened up here, but this little guy wasn't going to shoot.
He doesn't even have a gun.
Look for yourself.
So much for the high price of low fidelity.
I'm quite angry with my friend.
He ruined my club.
And he didn't land anywhere near the hole.
As a matter of fact, I can't even find him.
Now I'll have to buy a ball.
It's quite distressing.
Why don't you join me in the locker room after we pass one of those sand traps that dot the fairways of television? I thought we'd never get out of that one.
However, we seemed to have completed the course in 30 minutes, which is par.
Why don't you join us next week for another round? In the clubhouse, of course.
Good night.

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