Alfred Hitchcock Presents s03e20 Episode Script

On the Nose

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
And good evening to the rest of you as well.
We've ceased being particular.
I'm training to become a jockey.
And this is the mount they assigned me.
This is an improvement.
It usually takes three cents.
"Will one of you please get off?" I forgot to tell you this machine is very impudent.
It's all very discouraging.
I don't know what to do.
"Why don't you cut out that 2:00 feeding?" I think I better get off these scales.
Tonight's story touches on racing and is called, "On the Nose.
" But before we see it, a very worthy organization would like to make this urgent appeal.
I'll have some more, honey.
You better hurry, dear.
You'll be late.
Hey, my watch has stopped.
What time is it? Twenty-five to.
Where's your watch? It's being fixed.
I over-wound it.
Again? When are you going to learn to be more careful? I don't know.
What are you going to do today, honey? Well, I thought I'd go downtown and do a little window shopping.
So long as it's just window shopping.
Oh, hi.
Yes, I am.
That'll be fine.
In about an hour.
Who was that? Lila Shank.
Oh? What'd she want? She's going shopping with me today.
You're sure you're just going shopping? Of course, I'm going shopping.
Where else could I possibly Well, knowing Lila Shank, you could be going to the races.
The track opened again yesterday.
Do you think I'd lie to you and go to the races after what No, no, no.
Of course not.
Fran, it wouldn't be the first time.
Now if you started playing the horses again Is that what happened to your watch? Did you hock that? Because if you did I told you I broke it.
It's being fixed.
Oh? Where did you take it? I could pick it up on my way to work.
You don't have to.
I can do it myself and save you the trouble.
No, it's no trouble.
Just tell me where you left it.
Honey, don't you trust me? I'll have it back by the time you get home.
I give you my word.
All right.
But it isn't the watch, you know that.
It's the betting.
See, you told me that you stopped and if it turns out that you haven't But I have! I haven't placed a single bet, since I promised.
But if I find out that you're lying, so help me, it'll be the last time.
No more scenes, no more tears, no more quarrels, no more promises.
We're finished.
I've had it.
Do you understand? Yes, dear.
Oh, honey I hate to start the day off like this, but I've got to make you realize how serious, how terribly dangerous this disease of yours can be.
It can destroy everything that we've got if you'll let it.
I won't.
I promise.
Oh, hey, I gotta run.
So long.
Ed? Yeah.
What is it? Ed, you didn't really mean what you said about leaving me did you? Honey, I love you, but I can't live with this any longer.
I've done everything I could.
Because I know that if you so much as place one more bet, you can't stop, but I can.
I can walk right out that door and never walk in again.
Ed, don't say that! I mean it.
Fran, what are you doing anyway? Lila, I'm sorry to have kept you waiting, but I had to go out.
Oh, that's all right, honey.
Say, wait till you hear my big news.
I didn't want to tell you over the phone 'cause I knew how excited you'd get.
What big news? I hit the daily double yesterday.
No! Yes! For 268 bucks.
Two hundred and My gosh! And there it is, cold, beautiful cash.
Ain't it pretty? Come on! Hurry up and get dressed.
We're going out to the track today with a real bankroll! You are.
I'm not.
But we had a date.
I changed my mind.
How come? After I talked to you on the phone, Ed guessed about us going to the track.
And he said he'd leave me if he ever caught me gambling again.
So don't let him catch you.
I'm through.
My marriage is worth more to me Yeah, sure, I know.
I've heard that before.
This time, I mean it.
Look, honey, you can't lick it, so why fight it? And why should you? We're all entitled to a little excitement, a good time.
And who does it hurt? So what if you lose a few bucks occasionally.
Every pleasure costs something.
Yeah, well, I have my husband and my home.
And that's enough? It has to be.
Listen, Fran Okay, sister, good luck to you.
And good luck to me.
Good luck.
So I said to that elephant, "Get away, boy, 'cause I'm seeing pink angels.
" And here it is, our record of the week.
Pink Angels.
"Mama's Boy, Sure Shot, Washington Flyer, Pink Angel.
" Pink Angel.
Pink Angel.
Hello is Mr.
Cooney there? This is Mrs No never mind.
What am I doing? What's the matter with me? Shut up! No! Hello.
Cooney? Well, no, I didn't That's funny.
I was just gonna call you anyway to make sure you were home.
I wanna come up and see you.
See me? What for? Small matter of some money you owe us.
40 to be exact.
$26? Well, that's not so much I mean It all adds up, Mrs.
Holland, And before we know it, we're out a barrel.
Know what I mean? No, I don't.
Look, I've always managed to pay my debts and I don't like to be treated like an ordinary dead-beat.
Now don't get excited, Mrs.
It ain't me.
It's the boys upstairs.
They hand down the orders and I carry them out, or else.
And the order I got is collect the dough.
All right! You'll get it.
I'll be right over.
Here I am, Mrs.
I got here as fast as I could.
Now what's this all about? Like I told you, $26.
Get it up.
I can't.
I haven't got it.
You'll have to wait till Friday when I get my household money.
Not Friday, now.
That's my order.
Well, how can I give you what I haven't got? How much have you got? A dollar or so, change.
Let's have it.
Buck, quarter.
Hey, you're leaving me without a cent.
Oh, I wouldn't do that, Mrs.
Here's 15 cents for L or bus fare.
That makes it $1.
40 from $26.
Makes it 25 bucks even you owe me now.
Where am I supposed to get it with this 15 cents? Well, you might try a hock shop.
That watch ought to be good for a couple bucks.
No, I can't do that.
I have to have this watch when my husband gets home.
What time does he come home? Around 5:00.
Why? I'll be here for the rest of my money then.
What? That way, if you don't have it, I can wait a few minutes and get it from your husband.
No! Listen.
No, no, you listen, Mrs.
Holland, all I want is my 25 bucks.
I don't care how or where I get it.
See you at 4:45.
Cooney Fifteen cents.
Junk! Fifteen cents.
Bus fare.
Why not? It might work.
Oh, heavens! How do you like that? I left the house without a cent.
I've just got to get downtown right away.
What'll I do? If I go back home now, I'll never make it.
Well, look.
Why don't I Oh, could you? Could you lend me 15 cents? I feel like such a fool.
It could happen to anybody, miss.
Oh, thank you! Here you are.
After you ma'am.
Oh, no, this isn't my bus.
I have to wait for Number Five.
Glad I was able to help out.
Pardon me.
I feel like such a fool, but I've realized I've come out without a cent and I've simply got to get downtown right away.
Well, if you'd like to float a little loan, I think we can arrange it.
Oh, could you loan me 15 cents? You're saving my life.
For 15 cents, I'd call that a bargain.
Pardon me.
Yes? I feel like such a fool, but I seemed to have left the house without any money and I simply got to catch the next bus downtown.
I was wondering if I could impose on you Go find a policeman.
That's what they're for! $4.
95, $5, 15, $5.
30, $5.
45? I'll never make it.
May I help you, please? Oh, I was just looking.
Could you tell me the price of this? $49.
It's lovely, isn't it? Of course, this is sterling, imported from Italy.
Oh, Miss Reed, telephone.
Would you excuse me just a moment? I'll be right back.
Just a second, lady.
What do you want? I think you'd better come along with me.
What for? Who are you? Well, if you want to see the badge, I'll flash it.
But for your sake, let's do this nice and quiet.
But I I know.
You meant to pay for that compact in your bag but you just forgot to.
We can go all through that later.
Now come on.
All right.
Where are you taking me? You want to know? Inside.
Look, if you'll just give me a chance to explain You'll get your chance.
Inside, lady.
But it was a mistake.
I didn't know what I was doing.
You see, I'm in trouble and I You're in trouble, all right.
Here, please.
Will you take this? I don't want it.
I don't want it either, except as evidence.
But I'm not a thief.
You've got to believe me.
I've never taken anything in my life and I never will again.
Save it.
I've heard the whole record before.
But it's true.
I only did this because I was desperate.
I need some money.
I don't know where to get it.
So you stole a compact tagged $49.
Well, that shouldn't get you more than 30 days.
You can save that, too.
Next you'll be giving me your sob story.
Which is it, the sick mother? I have to have $25 by 5:00.
What for? To pay a bet before my husband finds out.
Finds out what? I've been gambling on the horses.
Oh, pony player, huh? And what happens if he finds out? He'll leave me.
And that's bad, hmm? How much you say you need, $25? Well I have about five, maybe a little over.
So you only need 20.
By 5:00, huh? Well, you still got a couple of hours.
You mean you'll let me go? You want me to give you a break? Please.
Okay, doll face.
Maybe I will.
Oh, thank you! Thank you! I'll never know how to thank you.
Well, if you put your mind to it, I'm sure we can figure out a way.
What? You know, you're cute, doll face.
Your husband ever tell you that? What do you think you're doing? Helping you out of a jam.
But you're not out of it yet, doll face.
You still need 20 bucks, right? But that's okay.
I got 20 bucks.
Now all you gotta do is be agreeable.
What are you anyway? What do you think? You're not arresting me.
This is just a trick.
Come on now, honey, be smart.
I may not be a cop, but you're still in trouble and I can help you, if you let me.
I don't want your help.
Come on now, be nice.
Here, let me out of here.
Pretend I'm your husband.
Fran Holland? Yes.
Police officers.
This your purse? It's got your name and address in it.
It's mine.
Do you have any idea where you lost it? You mind if we come in? What made you run away? Well, I don't know.
The shock of the accident, it must've shaken me up.
I didn't know what I was doing.
Are you hurt? No, no, no, no.
The driver, is he all right? Concussion, but he'll be okay.
Well, here it is.
You want to take a look and see what's inside? No.
15, right? $25? There was a 20-dollar bill on the floor alongside the compact.
Compact? Did you just buy it? I see it's still got the price tag on it.
Take it back.
What? Well, it's not mine.
Well, we'll take it back to the store.
They've probably got a record on who bought it.
You sure you're okay now? Oh, yes.
Well, that about wraps it up.
Thank you.
Thank you! Hello, again.
It's me, 4:45, on the dot, like I said.
Come in, Mr.
I'm sorry I can't ask you to sit down, but I expect my husband back in a few minutes, and I'd like to keep this just between you and me.
So here's your money.
You actually got it? Well, naturally, Mr.
I told you I always manage to pay my debts.
There's $20 and $5 in change.
I think you'll find there's 15 cents extra, but you can keep that for L and bus fare.
Holland, you're a wonder.
How'd you do it? Oh, now, please, Mr.
Cooney, I told you I expect my husband back and you understand.
Of course.
The last thing in the world I'd want to do is embarrass you.
You know, especially now that you're a customer back in good standing again.
Oh, which reminds me.
You still have time to place a bet on the last race.
Not me, Mr.
Cooney, I'm through.
I've learned my lesson.
Never again.
I'd rather die first.
It's been nice knowing you, Mr.
Cooney, but goodbye forever.
Well, if you ever have the urge to place two bucks on a good thing, you still have my number.
Well, Ed, darling! Where are you? I was just beginning to wonder why you weren't home.
You're flying to Washington? But can't you come home before you go I see.
I guess you'd better go right away, hmm? Of course, I'll worry about you.
I always worry about you, don't you know that? I worried about you all day today.
Why? Because I love you.
Now, tell the pilot to fly safely.
And call me as soon as you get to Washington, will you? All right, darling.
Flying to Washington.
"Mama's Boy, Sure Shot, Washington Flyer!" Hello, Mr.
Cooney? This is me again.
Am I still in time for the last race? Well, I'd like to put $2 on Washington Flyer.
On the nose! So much for our story.
I've decided to give up horse racing.
The shirts are much too loud.
Besides I couldn't go on after the touching tribute I received.
The horses chipped in and bought me an automobile.
But the show must go on.
You understand, of course, that all you have seen so far is merely a prelude to the extravaganza which follows.
I do wish we had longer commercials.
They are so short that one must be very agile to get to the kitchen and back.
I know.
You said that.
Next week we shall be back with another story.
But without the services of my rude friend.
Until then, good night.

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