Ali G Rezurection (2014) s01e06 Episode Script

United Nations

I is Ali G, I is back, and I is still black.
I is been off the telly since 2003, which was back in the '90s.
Since I is been away, there has been a financial crash, a tsunami in Hiroshima, and World War Z.
Coincidence? Me not tink so.
'Nough tings is changed since that time.
Back then, me was a child.
I look back on some of that stuff and giggle.
The way me dressed, the way me talked.
Some of me grammar weren't even correctitude to the most basicest things, a'ight? Now I is well grown up.
I ain't livin' in me nan's house anymore.
I's now livin' in her garage, and I's has even got me own toilet.
I can do anything I like in it, apart from solids.
But it ain't all been irie.
Me is got older and me has got some serious health issues.
I think I might be infertile, and I's facing up to the fact that me Julie may never be able to have another abortion, which means I's gonna have to wave good-bye to the free candy dat is always in the waiting room.
The Hershey Kisses, mm, they is me favorite.
The caramel ones is the best, but dem go so quick, so you've gotta be the first abortion of the day.
In my humble opinion, dem Hershey's is even more deliciouser than the champagne.
But I digest.
Check out me show, the Rezurection of Ali G.
All fruits ripe and cris, a'ight.
1x06 - United Nations Booyakasha.
I is here, standing outside the United Nations of Benetton, which is where representatives from the three corners of the world come to end wars, international drug trafficking, and everything else that is a bit of a laugh.
I is here with the geezer who was the secretary-general of the United Nations.
'Is name be none other than my man Boutros Boutros Boutros-Ghali.
How many countries is in the UN? If I'm not wrong, according to the last statistics, it must have more than 180 countries.
Is Disneyland a member of the UN? No, because Disneyland is not an independent state.
Do you think in a hundred years' time Disneyland or Disney World could have a seat? No, Disneyland is not doing politics.
- Disneyland is - Well, some of them is.
- Some of them characters.
- It is for the young - only for the young children.
- How many languages is spoken at the UN? You have, practically, what we called five languages.
Which is the funniest language? It's French, isn't it? Not necessary.
Maybe Arabic is more funny.
- Oh, yeah.
- It depends to whom.
To you.
What was the one that when the delegate went up and started speaking, you was like Go on.
- I gotta go to the - No, I'm not allowed to do this.
I'm the secretary-general.
Yeah, but there musta been one when they were going up there No, no, no, no.
I have to have a poker face, like this.
- Do you speak French? - Yes.
How do you say "shit" in French? - Chic? - Shit, shit.
Like crap, rubbish.
Ah, oh.
De la merde.
How do you spell that? M-E-R-D-E.
M-A R-D-E.
Thanks for that.
Me wanna say big up yourself, Boutros Boutros Boutros Boutros-Ghali.
It's the Wild, Wild West side.
Here we are in the security council chamber - Wicked.
- of the United Nations.
This room was donated by the government of Norway.
All right, safe, safe.
So, what happens here? Here, 15 countries that come from different regions of the world discuss about world peace and security.
Safe, respect.
What's that, Jordan? Ain't it stupid letting one sportsman have his own seat, no matter how, you know, powerful he is? Well, that is not Michael Jordan, if you're referring to that gentleman.
That is the state of Jordan in the Middle East.
Well, that's what you is telling the cameras, but ain't we all equal? Ain't it ridiculous letting one person have the same power as the whole country? Well, again, it's not the person that is sitting here.
It's the government of the State of Jordan.
- From the Middle East.
- Is it named after Michael Jordan? It is not named after Michael Jordan.
- Does this country really exist? - Yes, it does.
- What's this? - Guinea.
It's a country in Africa.
The Republic of Guinea.
That ain't is that a real country? Yes, it is a real country, in Africa.
It's quite a large country as well.
With all respect, why do you give crap countries a vote? Well, that's your opinion of Guinea.
That is definitely not shared in this organization.
This is an earphone used by all of these people that sit here to listen to the meetings in six different languages.
Ain't it dangerous, though, having translaterors? Why do you think that? Why do you say that? 'Cause let's say the translateror is a double agent or something like that.
He can say well dodgy stuff like apparently the Vietnams War started when Saddam Husseins gotten a translater wrong, and he was gonna send in an email to the president of Thailand and to just ask him for a cup of tea but the translateror put in something that turned out to, like, "your mum is a ho and I is boned her," and the Thai person got well eggy, and then that's what happened.
That's how the Vietnams War started, innit? Well, I'm not sure that your recount of the story is correct.
It might very well be, but as far as - Well, that is the word on the street.
- Okay.
How does you choose who sits next to who? It goes in English alphabetical order.
Can you swop if the person next to you is really annoying you? Can you swap? Uh, no, I don't think you can.
At 3:00 there is a meeting taking place here.
- In, like, 10 minutes? - 10 minutes, yes.
A meeting taking place here to discuss the situation in Iraq.
- Can we be in the meeting? - No, you can't.
- We can't because - What about just me? Nobody can.
No public is allowed here for security reasons.
So, what's going on in Iraq that we should know about? Okay, Iraq is suspected of producing weapons of mass destruction.
- Wicked.
- Gas and nuclear weapons.
What a laugh.
And where does the boss man sit? Well, the secretary-general sits right here.
- He sit here? - Yes.
- Wicked.
Can we sit here? - Definitely.
I's saying I's just written that "Saddam Hussein is a bellend" there.
American national sport is called baseballs.
It very similar to our sport, shurick, where we take dogs, shoot them in a field, and then have a party.
I like you.
I find more now with team Savannah Sand Gnats.
Now, ladies and gentlemen, we'd like to get started, get the guys on the field.
We have tonight this is Borat Sagdiyev - from Kazakhstan television.
- Hello.
I love USA.
Do you love USA? Yes, I love baseball! Do you love baseballs? I like you.
Do you like me? U, S, and A.
U, S, and A.
U, S, and A.
- U S A! - Yes, yes, and now please everybody will stand for national anthem Kazakhstan for respect.
I love USA! I love USA! USA! - I love USA.
- Play ball.
High five! - How you doing? - Hello.
Ah, don't do that.
- Why not? - 'Cause that's not me.
- But in my country, we - Not in your country.
We're in my country.
Did you pay some money to the boss to make sure your side win? That is not done in baseball.
- But maybe $50? - No, no, no.
- You want I pay him $50? - No, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
- I have a 40,000 tampon.
- Oh, well No applicator.
You want I give to the umpire? I don't think so.
You think he will mind that there's no applicator? I don't think so, I don't think so.
Hello, hello.
Everybody, you want to come together to make touch one another? - A big picture? Like, a picture? - Yes.
Now we all hug.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Ah! You are real men.
You are real men.
I like.
I like.
You have a shower? Can I come? - You are very strong.
- Get outta here! You are strong, wow! - Borat! - You have a krum like my friend.
My friend, he have the same krum from you.
That's good, that's good.
- Borat, get outta here! - Can I touch? You want to do a wrestle? - A wrestle? - Yeah.
- What's that? - I like to wrestle.
- You want me to take you out? - What is it, take me out? - You ever heard of Stone Cold Steve Austin? - Show him how to take him out.
- What - The stunner? What does it do? Ah! He get me.
Ah! - I'm gonna pin you! - Yeah.
- I'm gonna pin you! - Yeah! USA, USA! You okay? Oh, man.
Dang, man.
I okay! I make joke.
You think I hurt.
Do it, man.
Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Yeah! Sah-vann-ah! Sah-vann-ah! - You win.
- I win? You okay? - No sad, no sad.
- No sad.
You hurt? I okay.
You win me.
Thank you.
No way.
How did you manage to maintain a natural look? Well, I have a good hairdresser.
What is the philosophy of the show? Um, it's kind of like trailer trash, trailer park trash? What it is, "trailer trash"? It's kind of like, I guess, backwoods, middle of nowhere, kind of poor.
Also, they are very primitive, rubbish people? Kind of, yeah.
Do you hope that these white trash trashing people - will buy the clothes? - I don't think they can afford it.
They are too poor! This is like this in Austria.
We take the clothes from the homeless people - and we sell them in the shops.
- Right, jack up the price.
And then the homeless people cannot buy them.
Definitely, definitely.
- Yeah, that is the beauty of fashion.
- Yeah.
So, how important is fashion to you? Fashion is very important.
It's what keeps us creative.
It's what keeps us alive.
It's what keep us inspired.
It's what makes us get up and go out of our houses every day.
You know what? She's a real fashion icon living in her own time.
I'm from New York and I come across a lot of people who are not from here, but who are from other parts of the world who really have absolutely no fashion sense.
They look ridiculous, some of the people.
- There's no personal style.
- Why don't you put them on trains, send them to a camp, and say, "Bye-bye!" I would love to say "bye-bye" to most of them.
Have you ever thought of using disabled models, like, but with normal clothes? - I mean, not like disgusting disabled - Right.
not with that, kind of but just, like, the mental thing, so you wouldn't really be able to see it.
There was one model that we used for a couple of - seasons that was deaf.
- How did she know when to go out? Did you have to push her? No, you just you know, you tap her.
It's like, in Austria, we know the casting director is more important jobs than, you know, doctors or politicians.
- Is it the same here? - Um, no, fashion isn't thought of as as seriously as the medical profession here, - but I think - That's ridiculous.
- I think so.
- I mean, fashion saves - a lot more lives than doctors.
- I think so.
Jetzt bin ich hier mit Michael.
I'm here with Michael, the other designer today.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you so much.
Why was there so much cardboard? Why was that theme so much there? Cardboard? No, there was no cardboard.
- But there was a theme of cardboard.
- No.
Why did you base the whole show around the theme of cardboard? Well, because everything is so hippie in fashion that I wanted to do something that was the opposite, you know? - Right.
- Like, stiff and cut and just amazing like that.
That's what I really felt like Because no one has yet had the guts - No one has the guts.
- to do a show about cardboard.
No, they have they don't understand.
- They're too scared to touch it.
- Yeah, they are.
What I loved about the show was that it had no humor at all, which was just so powerful.
- Well, it was dead serious, yeah.
- Yeah.
It was super serious.
How did you keep the show humorous all the way along Using pop icons.
Why was the show all about the individual? Because that's what we are and that's what we prefer everyone to be.
It's amazing 'cause this show was, at its essence, all about other people.
Why? Because when you're an artist, you look at other people, and that's how you become an artist, is you observe.
I found the collection so heavy that it was pulling me down into a place better than heaven.
Yeah, I wanted it to be, like, a weight on people.
I wanted you to just fall, collapse.
How did you make sure that the show was just so light? Because when because we wanted things to flow, but at the same time not just be too overly feminine.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
But you somehow managed to achieve this sense of the whole show being kind of lighter than air, everyone just floating up.
Yeah, that's what it was.
They were in the clouds.
They were in space.
Do you think consistency is important? No.
I am Boutros Boutros-Ghali.
Put down your gun and listen to - Bob Marley.
- Bob Marley.