All and Eva (2024) s01e04 Episode Script

And Josefine

I'm going to Denmark. Right now.
It's really not
going to plan for Eva
When she knocks on
Mads' door in Copenhagen,
she doesn't want to
end up in his naked arms,
only to feel what her feelings are
-A lovely summer day
and everything is lovely
Eva gives in and gets close to Mads
Floating on clouds,
she gets ready to go
I might as well be honest.
I also have something to say.
I don't want to have kids.
An unwilling father
who masturbated into a cup
A woman with a plan
who's fumbling for hope
Give it some time
and see where it goes.
Okay, he may change his mind
So you'll have a Danish man
living in your apartment.
-Just for a couple of days.
-Wanna have a coffee?
Yeah, I don't have a lot of time,
I'm meeting him at the supermarket.
He's never been
to a Swedish supermarket.
Then let me thank you for giving me
some of her valuable time.
It's not that valuable.
I'm just checking him out now,
hanging out, you know.
Like you said.
We can take it slow.
I'm not even in week 12,
anything could happen.
-Maybe a slightly aggressive view.
-Or a realistic view.
So, how is it?
-The fucking.
-Oh no, we haven't done that yet.
-No, you know,
the baby might be a boy.
One penis inside me at a time
is enough, thanks.
How very 1800s of you.
No, it's not like I don't want to,
I really do.
-Pregnancy horny, is that a thing?
I was at the dentist, he was feeling
my mouth with that glove, you know?
The most erotic experience
I've had in ages.
-It was.
-Someone in my mum group told me,
when she was pregnant,
she was so horny
that she wanted to go down
on her husband.
-Not to be nice, she just wanted it.
-That's the craziest thing.
Another one orgasmed
during the birth.
-What would you like?
-Passionate sex.
-An americano, please.
-And a café au lait?
Mm, café au lait.
You haven't been out
in a long time.
But why stop something
that's working?
What if there's something better
out there? Try something new.
Throw yourself at life, like I am.
Well, okay then.
Excuse me, I'll go wild instead
and have a macchiato.
-Oh my god, it's happening.
-It's happening.
Hey, I read that it's a mystery
to the health authority
how French people can
drink the most,
smoke the most
and still live the longest.
-Do you know what they also do?
They fuck the most.
So, fucking clearly extends
your life.
Which means I'll die really early,
I just realised.
Yeah, Nils isn't very French.
No, sex isn't something
we really do together.
It's more something we do
by ourselves, together.
No, but it's not a bad thing,
we just use each other to cum.
Don't pretend it's something else.
In and out, eyes closed,
think about someone else, win-win.
-There you go.
And the pregnancy?
What? No, I'm just doing
what you said.
We're just hanging out, he doesn't
need to know about that. Yet.
But tell me, what's he like?
Well, he is
kind, charming.
I want to know more.
How did you meet? Can I hear
the whole store from the start?
The airport, but
Where? In Copenhagen?
Where was he flying to?
I really have toI'm sorry,
but I have to, we'll do this later.
-Okay, bye.
That's really good.
-Cheese in a tube?
-Totally normal, welcome to Sweden.
-Reindeer cheese?
-A delicacy.
-Is it?
That isn't normal.
It's sick.
You've been manipulated by Sweden.
As long as Denmark has a naked woman
on page nine of the newspaper,
you don't have much of an argument.
My mum would kill me
if she saw me eating this.
Your mum who thinks you can
cure disease with spices?
I know, I'll make you some fish.
Yes. No.
I'm allergic.
-To sushi?
-To fish.
-Chili con carne?
-Yes, great.
What about hidden talents?
This is a good one.
Are you looking?
Okay, that one can stay hidden.
No, it's my party trick.
Now I know what your dark secret is.
who folds their underpants?
I do.
Now you're here.
No biggie.
I'm not used to not being alone.
That's why I might be acting
a little strange, sorry.
It's gone really well so far.
Good night.
What are you thinking?
-We were going to wait, so
-I'm with you.
We'll wait.
Sleep well.
You're so tall,
you can't sleep there.
No, it's fine.
No, come on.
You can
sleep in my bed, that'll be fine.
We can handle that.
-Hands on the covers.
-Yeah, totally.
-Don't try anything.
Do you feel ready for a day of work?
It feels like a lifetime ago, but
-Duty calls.
-That's how it is.
So, what will you do today?
I'll just poke around here at home,
and then there's always
That was a little weird.
It's just because I
don't like when people
go through my things.
Well, not people, but
You get it.
-Were you looking for a cup?
-A cup and some tea.
I'm sorry, what did you say
you were doing today?
I'm gonna hang out here,
then I've always wanted
to see the Vasa Museum.
-By yourself?
-No, Eva.
With all the friends I've got here
in Stockholm.
Oh, great.
That sounds
-That sounds great.
-Are you even listening?
Are you okay?
What? Yes.
You know what, I think
I'll just call in sick today.
-You don't need to do that.
-Yeah, I will.
I will.
Let's be a bit loose and Danish
and just leave all this.
-Right now?
We'll go for a walk in Stockholm.
You shouldn't have to sit
around here by yourself.
Let's do it, sounds great.
I never thought I'd say this, but
I should really call in sick
more often.
-Excuse me.
Mum is calling so much today.
Eva, you'll tell me if it
gets too much, this whole thing.
What do you mean?
Well, just that this morning
you were acting a little strange.
Yeah, no,
I was just a bit nervous, maybe.
Or something, I don't know.
Don't worry about that.
I want to be here,
I even called in sick.
It's just
You shouldn't feel that
-You shouldn't call in sick for me.
-And I'm not, definitely not.
That's not how I see it.
I'm sorry, now
-Hi, I'm calling from an ambulance.
-It's about your mum.
Oh, darling, I'm sorry.
This is all so silly.
I was climbing up to clean
out the gutters,
but I tripped and fell
so I needed a stretcher.
Well, I have told you that you
don't need to stay on the stretcher.
No, not anymore. I'm getting up now.
I don't know why people complain
about Swedish healthcare.
They've been so pleasant.
I was given juice,
a blanket and company.
Well, maybe that isn't really the
issue in Swedish healthcare, Mum.
Oh, hey
Do you know me?
-You speak Danish?
-Yes, I
I downloaded a language app
in my phone.
It was meant to be a surprise but
-Okay, Mum
So, you must be Eva
who I've heard so much about.
Here's the deal, she needs to be
supervised for 24 hours.
Because it's possible
she's got a concussion.
So it's better to be safe
than sorry.
Which means you're not allowed
to sleep.
It's great if there are two of you,
so you can stay awake in shifts.
-Sound good?
-Of course, thank you.
-Thanks for your help.
-Take care, Inger.
-Thank you so much.
-Take care now.
You don't need to stay here,
I can ask someone else.
No, of course we'll stay.
What did he say?
Of course we'll stay, Mum.
-Of course we will.
-It'll be cosy.
-Yes, thanks Mats.
Yeah, Mads.
Inger! Did something happen?
No, no.
What's up with Göran?
Who? What?
Göran, he just walked past
acting super weird.
-Who's Göran?
-Our super weird neighbour.
-I never liked him.
He's not that weird, is he?
I don't think so.
-What? He totally is.
I think he is.
Excuse me, I have to
-Hey, are you on your way?
-My birthday dinner.
Mum just had a fall, so
Oh, what happened?
Maybe a concussion.
I don't know,
she could have a concussion.
But then she's just meant to stay
awake, bring her.
If you don't come
to my birthday dinner,
I'll never speak to you again, okay?
Hurry, I could die at any moment.
We could get a bunch
of sharing plates.
-Yeah, we'll share.
-But I want chips.
-Not chips, honey.
Here they are, they're coming.
-Hey there.
You made it, Happy Birthday to me.
Hi, Happy Birthday.
Thank you, stay awake now.
-I'm James.
-I'm Mads.
-Nice to meet you.
-Hi, Josefine.
-Hi, Nils.
-You really exist!
-So do you.
-Happy birthday.
-Thank you.
You speak Danish.
-Is that impressive?
Cool, I also speak English.
And a tiny bit of Spanish.
You are a miracle.
Yes, God's gift to humanity.
Oh Jesus, that almost got me there.
Hi, are you ready to order?
Yes, we are.
We want wine, loads of wine.
-It's my birthday.
-Maybe not with your concussion?
Pretend we're in Denmark.
-You can always drink there.
-Of course.
That works perfectly
with Eva's preg
Yoohoo, I think I'll have
a salmon tartar.
Aren't you allergic to fish?
No, she's not allergic to fish.
-Yes, I forgot.
-That's right.
Um, but then
-you'll have something else.
You can have the Gorgonzola pasta.
No, she's allergic to that as well.
I'll have a pasta bolognese,
I'll have the same thing.
Okay? There is one single thing
you can't talk about.
-I'm sorry, it was the wine that
-It happens to the best of us.
He seems so nice.
-Yeah, so sweet.
Hey, please.
One single thing
you can't talk about, okay?
Good. And you don't need to, like
you can just talk about
facts and observations and things.
Oh god,
what are they talking about now?
She's a loose cannon,
she could go off any moment.
I think it's important to remember
that it's my birthday.
-Cheers to a child-free night.
How many kids do you have?
-Two? That's a handful, isn't it?
-A handful?
It is hell.
I don't do anything
but wipe children's asses.
So enjoy your freedom
while it lasts.
-But, what'd you do without kids?
They're everything. I love children.
I really do.
And Nils, you love kids.
Tell them how much you love kids.
I love kids.
Nils loves kids, we love kids.
I thought you were asleep, sorry.
I panicked, sorry.
-I just panicked.
No, I was just sending a
I shouldn't be
when we're out for dinner, sorry.
Darling, you and the kids
are the meaning of my life.
Oh, you don't need to go that hard.
We use the low arousal approach.
Eva, a friend will come get me,
and come home with
Drive me home.
So you don't have to
hang out with me.
Mum, since when don't you want
to hang out with me?
And, by the way, what friend?
Yvonne, you know Yvonne.
My psychologist says I need to lower
my expectations of life,
to be able to receive happiness.
Yeah, but happiness
is just an imagined concept.
Or, well, at least long term, right?
I mean, it's just a feeling, right?
It is a feeling, right?
Well, it is, it's just like being
tense or excited.
Sorry, I just think humans are
the only creatures on Earth
who don't get why we're here.
I'm sorry I got her started again,
it happens, I'm sorry.
So why are we here?
I believe we're here to be born,
reproduce and die.
Right, so I only have death left.
-Don't listen to her, Inger.
-But actually,
it's more stressful to pretend
you won't get older and die.
Then you'll be very disappointed.
Or that there's life after death,
then you don't have to stress.
Do you believe in God?
Oh, hell no.
But it's smart to safeguard yourself
right? To be on the safe side.
-Know what I mean?
You don't want to stand
at the gate
and not be welcome
because you didn't believe.
So you think I should stick to you
so you'll get me in
when it's time to die.
I can't promise anything
but I'll do what I can.
Lobsters, on the other hand,
are immortal.
-Yeah, it's true.
Or, you can boil them of course,
or, you know
But they don't die from age.
I finally know what
I'll be in my next life.
Cheers to crawling around for
eternity, waiting to get laid.
I just want to get to the truth
about happiness.
You know, vitamin D,
it makes you feel happy.
And this is actually facts, Eva.
As soon as the sun peeks out,
it makes you happy.
And now it turns out
it's apparently ten times easier
to absorb sunlight
through the sphincter.
-Oh, come on.
-Yes, it's true!
So the new thing is
to sunbathe your asshole
to reach happiness.
How does that work in practice?
-You just turn your ass to the sky.
Where? Well, not at
a public beach, obviously.
Mads. I have a mother and a father.
-And you have a mother and a father.
That's right.
It's great that you've learnt
Danish, Inger.
Yes, so the child will feel welcome.
Mum, don't call Mads "the child."
I didn't, I meant
You are the only one in the entire
world who knows that Mads
-Is the dad.
It's so incredibly secret.
-Yes, I know.
I think it's the concussion.
So it's good that I go home.
Here's Birgit now.
What? I thought it was Yvonne.
Yes, that's right.
So I'll go now, bye darling.
-No one believes I'm 56.
-Forty six.
Fifty six, I had to show my ID
not long ago, it's true.
-She was in my bar.
-Right, strange.
Shall we have some Gammel Dansk.
-What were you talking about?
-Mads told me how you met.
That you were at my bar.
-I thought you said
-Excuse me, but I'm so tired.
I think we have to go.
But we're getting dessert now.
I'm really so full.
Is that okay?
Yes, I'll go to the toilet,
so you can talk about me.
Hello, he's perfect.
So hot.
But you have to tell him.
I can't deal with him not knowing
you're pregnant.
Because this is love. It is,
whether you want it to be or not.
-And it can't start with a lie.
I have a plan.
Josefine and I made a plan.
I'm taking it as it comes.
I'll chill,
and what will be will be.
I have to say I agree with James.
Excuse me, Judas?
What? No.
You pressured me into
You told me not to tell him.
I know,
I'm sorry, but after tonight
How will this work
if you're going to keep lying?
He can tell there's something up.
You can't talk about normal things,
how can that work?
I feel dirty after one dinner.
And the thing with the bar,
I didn't follow, did you lie?
I will tell him, of course.
I will tell him when I feel secure.
We're just hanging out.
The longer you wait,
the longer you're lying.
Hang on, I'm not lying. I'm just
not telling him the whole truth.
This is not just about you.
He's clearly fallen so hard for you.
Stop it, you make me seem
like some psycho.
I say this with love, but you
manage that fine by yourself.
What's going on with you right now?
I'm being loose and chill,
taking things as they come,
just like you always tell me to do,
you're welcome.
But it's mean, Eva.
So you can go around with your
head in the clouds but I can't?
What? We were having a nice time
until we came here tonight.
I'm sorry,
we're just trying to help.
-This could be a good thing.
-There might not even be a baby.
For real.
It might not survive, it happens.
Before I know if I'll be a mum
or not, can't I have a nice time?
Jesus, leave me alone, I can handle
myself, I don't need your help.
-What are you doing?
-What makes you think
you can have opinions
about my life and relationships.
How are you doing?
Years of stagnation.
And you,
going on love kicks all the time.
Well Happy Birthday to me,
cheers, thanks a lot.
-You know
-So, say anything good about me?
-We're leaving.
-Great to see you.
What a cunt.
-What's going on?
Sometimes you're
the most present person I know,
and sometimes
I have no idea where you are.
Everything is great.
Can you please just
tell me what you're thinking?
Can you please just
tell me what you're thinking?
It makes it easier,
I can tell you're stressed.
I've able to tell
there's something all day.
Eva, what are you doing?
I'm kissing you.
Okay, but can we talk instead?
I thought that was what you wanted,
I don't know what you want.
And what I want is for you to be
open and vulnerable and let me in.
Wasn't that the point
of me coming to Sweden?
Maybe I'm not open
and vulnerable, okay?
Maybe I don't want to be.
I'm sorry, but I'm not.
Eva, stop.
We're grown adults,
we can talk to each other.
Maybe it went a little too fast
after all, this
I don't know who
we're trying to fool.
I can't do this,
I can't pretend we're just
and don't feel anything
That's not me,
I can't play those games.
Please, Mads,
I'm not playing games, okay?
I justI can'tI
Can you just
I need to wait with this, okay?
-What is it you want to wait for?
-I don't know.
I don't know how to do this,
be a couple.
I'm no good at it,
I've never tried it.
I don't want to be a couple,
or maybeI don't know. Okay?
It'll turn to shit anyway.
If there are things
that bother you now,
you'll be a hundred thousand times
more bothered later.
Shit is going to happen and then we
can either just pretend for a bit.
Okay? Just pretend for a bit.
Or just leave it alone.
Eva, I
I really like you.
I just don't want to pretend
like I don't.
But you're right.
Right now we should just be
in the moment.
You're right.
Of course.
Of course.
You must think
I'm the world's biggest psycho.
A little bit.
You are so beautiful.
Wanna have sex?
Do you have to ask like that?
It makes it weird.
We're adults, aren't we?
Yeah, but sometimes it'd be good if
you just pushed me against the wall.
You know, just grab me.
She talked about that
in that podcast too.
Honey, we've been together 15 years.
That's exactly why
surprises are important.
Every day is like groundhog day
at home.
Should I give you a massage?
You'll feel better.
Yes, please.
Tell me, is this about Eva?
Yes, I just
I'm annoyed that
she's so selfish all the time.
And this whole thing,
on James' birthday and everything.
It's like everything
is always about Eva.
Shitty friend.
I'm just trying to tell her to do
the right thing, but it's like
Sabotages herself all the time.
But aren't you the one who told her
to do this?
Yes, I was, Nils, but that was
before I thought it through.
Yeah, well
She is very immoral.
I just think you should be honest.
Stop it.
-I can talk shit about Eva,
you can't.
I feel sorry for her, she's been
alone for so many years.
She hasn't anyone to relate to.
She's got her friends, maybe?
It'll be better when she has
a child. She won't be so
She won't have so much time
to think about herself.
-No, it's
-That's enough, thanks.
-Do you feel better?
-Much better.
-Nice hole.
-Isn't it?
Good night.
I love you.
I love you, Nils.
I forgot it's planning day
at school.
You know the looks you get
from the teachers when you forget?
-How old is the child?
Oh, a bit old to be in a pram, no?
It's just faster and more
convenient to get around.
But it's not good for kids
to be carried through life.
Physically or mentally.
His legs actually don't work,
so if you just
Just think a little before you talk.
-I'm sorry.
You always want to ride in the pram.
We've increased our revenue
by 25% this past year.
So that's really
Good work everyone.
We should really celebrate that.
And it's Sven's last day today.
Jonas, but
-Yes, but that's
No, it's really weird of me
to call you the wrong name.
But, well done.
-Thank you, it's been great.
-From all of us.
Maybe we should go
for after work drinks?
I'm sorry, I have to go back to
prison with this ankle monitor.
But you go, and save the receipt,
we'll cover it.
You can come for one beer,
can't you?
You need to have some fun too.
Oh, I do.
We have a lot of fun at home.
Fridays are sacred at our place,
we have cosy evenings with wine
and snacks and games and wine.
So, it'sWe have a lot of fun.
But next time.
What a shame.
Did you know France is the country
where they live longest,
in spite of them
drinking and smoking the most.
-Do you know why?
Because it's also
where they live the most.
They spend time together,
have fun, laugh, have sex.
-So they think that's why.
-That's so interesting.
-It is.
-Yeah, it really is.
Fuck you, fucking car.
-Hi, honey.
We have to sort out the steps,
it looks awful.
-Have you had a nice day?
Did you know that in France,
they smoke and drink the most,
but live the longest.
Do you know why?
I don't think that's right,
where did you read that?
It doesn't matter, just listen.
-It's because it's where they
-Just let me get this straight,
where did you read it?
Never mind.
You know, sometimes I wake up in
the morning, longing for this glass.
Well, maybe it's time
to cut down a little.
Don't make me into one of those.
I'm just saying,
maybe it's not great
that the first thing you think of
when you wake up is wine.
When you put it like that
it sounds like something serious.
You can't complain about
your partner's drinking.
-I have one glass of wine
Up to three glasses
of wine per night.
Rather that than anti depressants.
-Are you depressed?
-No, but I'm sure I would be.
Honey, I support you in everything,
you do what you want.
I can't enjoy it now,
-it feels like you're judging me.
-I'm not judging you.
You know what, maybe I'll have
a small glass of wine later too.
Great, it's a lot more fun
when there's two of you drinking.
But then it's a party, maybe we
should play some games, or
What a party, please, I'm not up for
playing games with kids.
Can't we just
lay in front of the TV?
You and I can play games
when they're asleep.
But then everyone will just
be on their phones.
Isn't it nicer
to do something together?
But we're on the couch together.
It's cosy.
It is quite incredible that you
still can't load the dishwasher.
It's pretty incredible.
Seventeen years later.
Can't you just say, "It's so great
that you did the dishes."
YesHoney, come here, let me
just teach you how to do it. Look.
Okay, you teach me,
but there's a risk I'll cum
because it's so sexy
when you instruct me.
You don't have to react that way.
So show me.
-It's covered it food scraps.
-Oh, say it again.
-Right, put the plates here
It's great if you rinse the plates
before putting them in.
Okay, let's wrestle!
Yeah, no mercy.
No one can tickle me,
I'm the undefeated tickle champion,
with the tickle monster.
I've got a captive.
Nils, I'll try to say this
in the most pleasant tone I can.
-You were putting them to bed.
-Oh no, here's the grumpy monster,
as usual, wrecking all the fun.
You know what will happen, Nils,
you could've
You could've played with them
instead of lazing on the couch.
Relax, we're just having some fun.
-Oh no, I got a foot in my mouth.
-Good luck.
Grumpy monster!
Josefine, can you come and help me.
-I told you that
-I can't hear you.
Nothing, I'm coming!
Great, they're asleep. Good job.
-Are you angry?
You can't be angry at me
for playing with my kids.
You only play with them
because you feel guilty
for not playing with them all day.
It was great, we had a lot of fun.
It just isn't great
when it's taken out on me.
Plus, I had tidied up there,
and now it looks like shit again.
You need to relax,
don't take everything so seriously.
Everything is fine.
I would really like to relax, Nils.
But you need to make it possible
for me to relax.
And you're not very good at that.
Listen, I just think
it's very unfair.
I'm trying to give them
the best childhood possible,
and shape them into
the best people they can be.
But then I'm the grumpy one
and you're the fun one.
It's not a competition,
the kids love you.
I know they love me.
Yeah, good.
Okay, they're asleep, we're here.
Let's play.
I'll be green, you'll be red.
Oh, but
I'm so tired.
Can't we just chill
on the couch instead?
Just be.
Hi, there you are.
Damn, we were just leaving.
Oh, you know what, don't worry
about me, I'll get a taxi.
No, we can stay, have another drink.
-Hey, take care.
-Good to see you.
-Yeah, you too.
No, really, it's fine, I'll go home.
No, of course we'll stay.
No, I want to go home.
I just thought
I'd be a bit spontaneous.
I actually have to go.
Okay, but I'll stay.
I'd love to stay.
-Do you drink beer?
-Yeah, I'll get one.
Excuse me,
can I have two beers please.
-Seventeen years.
-Seventeen years, wow.
That's truly impressive.
Isn't it?
How do you do it? What's the secret?
I guess just being of the mindset
that splitting up is not an option.
And we use the low arousal approach.
Which works really well.
Okay, that sounds super romantic.
It can be.
-Yeah, sure.
-Not, "Yeah sure."
-It can be.
-Yeah, okay.
Yes, I believe you.
-I'm getting a beer.
You want one too?
Excuse me, two beers.
Is there a children's party
down here?
-We need to have some.
-Have what?
Laughing gas.
-It's laughing gas?
You never tried it?
-That's so cute, then we have to.
No, I don't do drugs.
It's not drugs,
it's just laughing gas.
That's how it starts.
Oh come on, you've given birth, they
gave you laughing gas then, right?
The 90s called and wanted
their peer pressure back.
You know what? Come on,
we're having some laughing gas.
Are you sure you're okay?
I'm good.
Here it is.
Well, I'll go home to my family
that I have at home.
See you
No, no, no
Hey, darling.
Did you have fun?
I'm glad you went out
and did something for yourself.
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