All Hail King Julien: Exiled (2017) s01e09 Episode Script

I Am Fartacus

1 - [MORT CHUCKLES] - [GROWLS] - [MORT] I'm okay! - [LAUGHS] [THEME SONG PLAYING] Party! [JULIEN] Wait, what happened last time? Julien went undercover To get into gladiator school He wore a clever costume That had the other foosa fooled Clover and Sage, their minds bewitched Woke up with their bodies switched Mort went to find his old friend Hans Whose jealous wife had other plans And Mom-Bot made some cookies! [MOM-BOT] They were hamantaschens! [JULIEN] Chapter Tesha! [WHIP CRACKS] [GROWLING] [GRUNTING] Thrax destroy! [GROANING] [BARKING] [UNCLE JULIEN LAUGHING] Who's a good boy, Thrax? Give me a kiss.
Who's my strongest, unbeatable, number-one gladiator? Yes, you are! Thrax, foosa! You are a foosa.
And yes, you're gonna help me do my evil bidding and get my throne back, aren't you? [JULIEN ROARING] Speaking of disgusting idiots What's your name, boy? [STAMMERING] Uh [ROARING] Foosa name Uh Dude, what's our name? [STAMMERING] Um Didn't we learn about gladiators in lemur school? And of course, the strongest, bravest gladiator of all was the mighty, powerful [MAGGIE FARTS] Oh I got it! I am Fartacus! - [FARTACUS ROARS] - [UNCLE JULIEN BLOWS RASPBERRIES] [LAUGHING] Fartacus? No.
I am Fartacus.
[LAUGHING] I Fartacus! [LAUGHING] What? It's my real name.
Rawr! I am Fartacus! Maurice, why are they laughing at me? [SIGHS] [ALL LAUGHING] [METALLIC CLANGING] - Lunch! - [WHIP CRACKS] It's a very real name.
You guys, wait up! Fartacus? What kinda dummy do you think I am, nephew? [CHUCKLES] [HAWK SCREECHES] Where are we? [GRUNTS] And why aren't we heading back to the kingdom? Sage? [WIND HOWLING] Before we can go back, there's something I need to find.
What do you got there? Oh, let's have a look.
Koto and me before life swept our youth into the dustpan of time.
A dustpan held by an hourglass dressed as a French maid who was paid with tears.
You and Koto as kids? Oh, that is adorable.
[LAUGHING] What was I thinking with that haircut? Frosted tips? Right, right, so this is cute, and, uh, it's fun, and all that good stuff, but every minute that we waste reminiscing is time we could be using ourselves, you know, the ultimate weapon to get back to the kingdom and destroy Koto! - Sure.
There's just one thing.
- [SIGHS] Hmm? Koto is my brother, and I don't want to destroy him if I can save him.
Ugh! [BOILING AND SIZZLING] Mmm.
Gorp.
Am I right? Gorp.
Mmm Eat your gorp, Mo-Mo.
I'm not eating.
What's the point? "What's the point"? We gotta stay strong so we can fight as gladiators at Koto's wedding, man.
You're gonna get us both killed! Maurice, relax.
Name, name one time that I've put us in harm's way.
One.
[GASPS] [BATS SQUEAKING] - [GROWLING] - [BOTH GASPING] [SCREAMING] - [BOTH SCREAMING] - [GROWLING] [SCREAMING CONTINUES] But did we actually die any of those times, Maurice? Exactly.
No.
So eat your gorp! I'm not eating.
[MAURICE GROANING] - [JULIEN GRUNTING] - Not eating! Yes, you are! No.
[MAURICE CHOKING] - [JULIEN GRUNTING] - [MAURICE CHOKING] [JULIEN] Yeah.
I know you're gonna eat your gorp 'cause you don't get a cookie if you don't eat the gorp when I tell you to eat the gorp.
So eat the gorp! [MARY ANN] You, Fartacus! You're wanted in the arena for a practice fight.
Now! [WHIP CRACKS] I had the pleasure of meeting your boy Fartacus earlier.
Sugarbottoms, is it? Uh, Colonel Theodore Sugarbottoms.
Retired military officer.
Father was a colonel, and his father before him.
Uh Oh.
Oh, no, thanks.
I'm on a cleanse.
- Oh! - [UNCLE JULIEN LAUGHS SOFTLY] I mean, don't mind if I do take a dip - [SNAIL SQUEALING] - in that delicious, slimy, moist - [TED GULPING] - [SNAIL WHIMPERING] Be free, little snail.
- Run like the wind! - [SNAIL STRAINING, SCREAMING] Right, "Colonel.
" That's quite an accent you have.
- Where are you from again, Colonel? - Oh, uh It's a small town you've probably never heard of, but it's Oh, it's real.
It's very, very real.
Well, try me, anyway.
I'm pretty well-traveled.
Uh [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY] Well, it's called, uh Kentarkansas.
Yep, good old Kentarkansas.
"Where the wild oats sway" "and the Orioles always nest off-season.
" [MARY ANN] Ahem.
I have the gladiators.
The ones you asked for.
- [WHIP CRACKS] - [FARTACUS SHUDDERS] Yes, Thraxy.
[THRAX PURRS] Are you ready for fighty? We gotta fight Thrax? We gonna die! Relax, Mo-Mo.
I'm not a math guy but I'm pretty sure there is a zero-percent chance of anyone actually dying here today.
[CHUCKLES] Come here, Thraxy.
I want you to rip this one apart.
If you find anything on the inside that looks appetizing, rip that apart too, will ya? [BOTH LAUGHING] [WHIMPERING] [ELECTRICITY CRACKLING] I don't see why we have to feed the little schmegegel coffee.
Caffeine always makes me feel so verklempt.
I told you, Mom-Bot.
I need Smart Mort to help me fix the broken portal and he only comes out when we feed regular Mort some coffee.
Oh, that's nice.
You can have a partner to help you with your science experiment.
It's not a science experiment.
This is really important work.
[GRUNTS] Remember that little donut-dipper you made - with Ari and Adam - [SIGHS] in Mrs.
Siegel's fifth-grade science class? You mean a memory I programmed you with? [CHUCKLES AND SNORTS] Yes, I remember it! You would twirl that little handle, and your fingers would never touch the milk.
This is different.
We're opening a dimensional portal to another universe - [LIGHTNING STRIKES] - To challenge the evil Morticus Khan and gain access to his army to take on Koto! Well, make sure and go potty before you leave.
- Why? - Um Maybe we can move this along? [LAUGHS] Yes.
Thank you, Mort.
[GULPING] [MORT] Oh, boy, he's coming! [MORT STRAINING] Smart Mort! Come out here! Madagascar is full of imbeciles.
I can't take it.
[GRUNTS] Please, Smart Mort.
The portal thingy's broken.
Timo needs you.
[SIGHS] Did you at least turn it off and then turn it back on again? You see? This is why we need you! [CHUCKLES AND SNORTS] [WIND HOWLING] You are crazy, Sage.
Koto is pure evil.
You can't make him good.
[SAGE GRUNTS] You're wrong.
Wait until he sees this.
Behold! A lunch box? No.
It's a lunch box - [SHOUTING] of time! - [CLOVER GRUNTS] Yeah, it just looks like a regular lunch box.
Buckle up, Clover.
I'm gonna say stuff.
And some of it might make sense.
Before Koto found out that I was next in line to be warrior king we were brothers, friends.
[SAGE] As kids, we would play outside for at least 15 minutes a day as every child should.
One day, he carried me, what couldn't have been less than 1,000 miles, to visit the medicine man [MEDICINE MAN TALKING GIBBERISH] who healed me.
[CLOVER] Aw.
Well, that was so nice, to carry you all that way.
Uh, yeah.
- I know.
- [SQUEAKING] That's why I'm telling you this.
- [SAGE] We would face danger together.
- [GROWLING] - We would laugh together.
- [BOTH LAUGHING] - For days on end.
- [LAUGHING CONTINUES] [LAUGHING] Oh! You [STAMMERING] You kept the bug.
But it was this tooth that became our truest bond.
[MUNCHING] [CRACKING] [HEARTBEAT POUNDING] [CRYING] [MUNCHING] Wow! He really He just, uh He just lodged that right up in there, huh? - Yes.
- Mm-hmm.
There is good in him.
Deep down beneath that layer of venison urine, which protects him from wild boars during estrus is my younger brother, Koto.
And I will bring him back to the light.
[UNCLE JULIEN] Dearly beloved foosa.
We are gathered here today for a fight! [CHEERING] [GROWLING] [WHIMPERING] Now, most of us know by now that Thrax tends to get a little carried away during these practice rounds.
Oh, would you look at that.
My trophy case has an opening slot.
- [ALL HOWLING] - [WHIMPERING] It's okay, Maurice.
We got this, I promise.
Now, the key to this match is, whatever you do, don't fall down into the pit of 100%-certain death.
- Pit of 100%-certain what? - [BLOWS RASPBERRIES] I'm sure he's exaggerating.
[UNCLE JULIEN] I did mention that this practice fight was a fight to the death, didn't I? - [RUMBLING] - [FEARFUL GRUNTS] [BOTH WHIMPERING] - [ELECTRICITY CRACKLES] - I don't understand.
I've tried everything.
What are we missing? Smart Mort, what are you doing? [SIGHS] Did you plug in Avogadro's number like I told you? Yes.
[STAMMERS] I think No.
Uh, yes? And did you carry the one? You always forget to carry the one.
[STAMMERS] I don't know, Smart Mort.
That's why I brought you here.
And you're not helping.
[SMART MORT SIGHS] You don't understand how much it hurts me to be here.
I'm just I'm too smart.
[MOM-BOT] Now, hold on just a second, boys.
You're getting all shvitzy.
Do you mind if I nudge in here? [CLEARS THROAT] You know, Smart Mort, I can't tell you how much Timo used to struggle with his intelligence as a boy.
[SIGHS] Mom-Bot, please! Don't Just a second, Timo.
Shecket! [TIMO WHIMPERING] But every time he was down, because he thought his brains were too big to fit into this "stupid, stupid world," we sang a song.
- You did what? - We sang a song! Oh, Mom-Bot! We sang a song about what it's like Being a smarty pants all your life Well, I suppose I know something about that.
Now, listen close, this is important.
It's okay to be you Just don't let anyone know That's right.
Because the world loves stupid So keep your smarts on the down-low I think I'm getting it.
Dee-dee-dada-lee-doo It's okay to be me and you And me and you So many types of smart to be From nerd to geek to science freak Just let yourself live smart and free And you will surely come to see It's okay to be me! Do-do-da-do-doodly-dee That's me! It works! [LAUGHING AND SNORTING] Woo-hoo! Multiverse, here we come! [MAURICE STAMMERING] [BOTH WHIMPERING] - [SCRAPING] - [LAUGHING MANICALLY] [CRACKS WHIP] Fight! [BOTH GASPING] [TWIRLING] [WHIMPERING] Thrax intimidate! - [JULIEN GASPS] - [THRAX GRUNTING] [BARKING] [CRACKS NECK] [THRAX ROARING] [GROWLS] [JULIEN GROWLS] Nice try, Thrax.
But you're gonna have to [GRUNTING IN SLOW MOTION] [JULIEN AND MAURICE GROANING] [JULIEN GROANING] - [LAUGHING] - [JULIEN GRUNTING] [CRYING] [SCREAMING] Doesn't look like it's gonna be a very long fight, Sugarbottoms.
Oh! Come on, Fartacus! - [JULIEN GRUNTING] - [THRAX GROWLING] [MAURICE BAWLING] Let me out! Stay calm, Mo-Mo.
You'll blow our cover.
[MAURICE] It don't matter, man, we gonna die! [GRUNTING] - [GROWLING] - [WHIMPERING] [SAGE] Mmm [GRUNTS] I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but if you truly think you can help make Koto good, and save Madagascar without violence even though I just, I love violence, - I will support you.
- [SAGE SNIFFLING] That means a lot to me.
And I'm not just saying that because I find meaning in virtually all things on the planet.
You're welcome.
I think.
Now, let's go.
All right, so call your hawk.
On it.
- [IMITATES HAWK CALL] - [HAWK SCREECHES] Let's do this.
[CLOVER GRUNTING] - [HAWK SCREECHES] - [CLOVER] Hmm? Huh? He usually just picks me up, like a stork would a fully-ripe newborn.
Maybe he couldn't see us.
[SAGE IMITATES HAWK CALL] - [CLOVER] I think he sees us! - [HAWK SCREECHES] Is that your hawk, Sage, about to kill us? Whoa, boy! Heel! - [SQUAWKING] - [HAWK SCREECHES] [PANICS] It's not my hawk! Not my hawk! - [CLOVER GRUNTING] - [WHOOSHING] [BOTH GRUNTING] Koto, this is so not muy bien.
Taking a trip down memory lane, Babak? [KOTO LAUGHS] [BOTH GROWLING] - [SCREAMING] - [MAURICE] Run away! [JULIEN] Come on, man! - [MAURICE] No! - [JULIEN] This way.
[MAURICE] No, this way.
[JULIEN] We gotta at least try to hit him or something.
Stop it, Maurice! Mo-Mo, this is no time to be a wimp.
I need you, man! Like, literally, you're my hind legs.
[THRAX GROWLS] [MAURICE SCREAMS] I'm not ready to go! I like my life! [JULIEN] Ow, that hurt! [GRUNTS] Wow! [JULIEN LAUGHING] Did you see that? I can't see anything down here except your stinking [COUGHING] [THRAX GROWLING] - [JULIEN GROWLING] - [TED WHIMPERING] [MAURICE GRUNTING] [THRAX GRUNTING] [JULIEN] Uh [CHEERING] Yay, we did it! No! Be free, you joyous balls of slime, you! - Woo-hoo! - [SNAIL SCREAMING AND GRUNTING] We did it! We survived! Told ya.
We can never die, Mo-Mo.
It's like a rule or something.
[JULIEN GRUNTING] Yeah, you messed with the wrong foosa! 'Cause this foosa can never, ever die! - [SNAIL GRUNTING] - [JULIEN AND MAURICE SCREAMING] The dark one is nigh.
- [ALL CHANTING] - I'm going to convince him to hand over the Mort army with the power of persuasion! [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] I'm not sure that'll work.
- [DIABOLICAL LAUGHTER] - [ALL CHANTING] Mort.
Show yourself, Khan! [MORTICUS KHAN LAUGHS] Morts! [ALL CHANTING] Ah, Smart Mort.
We finally meet.
We've come for your army, Khan.
Well, you can't have it! Well, the man can't be reasoned with.
I am afraid I must leave you both now.
I'm of no use in hand-to-hand combat.
But that's all right because It's okay to be me Farewell, friends! [MORT] Hi.
Where are we? - [HAWK SCREECHES] - [CLOVER STRUGGLING] No.
Don't hurt my man-hawk.
Please! Oh, hush, ya big cry baby.
Koto, brother.
We are not brothers anymore, as witnessed by you not bearing our family's name.
You are my brother.
Nothing can change that.
Not a name, not even your slightly dated goatee.
Look, please, our lunch box - of time! - [RUMBLING] [LAUGHS] [SNIFFS] [CHUCKLES] That tooth.
Oh, my brother.
We We are family.
Yes.
It is me, Koto.
Your brother.
- [CLOVER MUMBLING] - Your womb-mate.
How could I be so horrible? Thank you, Sage.
This box of memories has changed me.
I can see the light, and all because of this completely meaningless junk! - [SAGE SIGHS] - [KOTO LAUGHS] - [SAGE GRUNTING] - [CLOVER GROANING] All that time spent with butterflies and talking ferns has truly weakened you.
Mother and Father would be ashamed of you.
I am ashamed of you.
My hawk is ashamed to even know you.
[SCREECHES] Well, unfortunately, your shame has no power.
And when I wed the Crocodile Princess and gain the Crocodile kingdom's allegiance I will rule all of Madagascar.
[ALL CHANTING] It is finally time to make Madagascar great again! Koto, think about what you're doing.
Our family.
Our past.
Thinking Thinking Okay, done.
[GASPS] Much better.
Guards, take the prisoners back - and throw them into the dungeon.
- [SAGE BREATHING HEAVILY] Oh, but before we go, burn the village.
There's nothing left for me here.
[FIRE CRACKLING] [GRUNTING] [THRAX GROANING FEEBLY] [JULIEN] Hang on, Mo-Mo.
I got you.
It can't hold us, Your Majesty.
It's gonna rip! [JULIEN] Hold tight! I'm thinking, Maurice! [MAURICE SCREAMS] There's no time to think! It's too much weight! We're gonna fall! No, Maurice! I told you! We're never gonna die! [PANICKED GRUNTS] King Julien, this doesn't have to be the end for both of us.
What are you saying, Mo-Mo? I don't understand.
I can get us out of here.
- [CREAKING] - [MAURICE WHIMPERING] [JULIEN STRUGGLING] Get your kingdom back, Your Majesty.
I'll see you again in Frank-ri La.
[STRUGGLING] Don't you dare! You're my best friend! And you're not going anywhere without No! I love you, King Julien! [VOICE FADES] [SNIFFLING] Mo-Mo [JULIEN GRUNTS] [BOTH GASPING] [CRYING] Maurice, how am I supposed to do this without you? Oh, nephew, nephew, nephew! You can't even die right! What are you talking about, Uncle? Oh, I am so mad right now! You alone stand in the way of my butt on my throne.
You and Koto.
And a giant army of mountain lemur soldiers.
And overwhelming odds.
And the fact that most people seem to hate me! Okay, it's everybody against me! You get the point, don't you, Nephew? - Thrax was supposed to destroy you! - [THRAX GROANING] Mary Ann, it was my nephew who took out your men.
[GROWLING] - And you! - [TED SCREAMS] Now, hold on just a minute, there.
Don't you "hold on just a minute there," Ted.
What? But how did you know? [WHIMPERING] You know, I tried to let you die with dignity, Nephew.
But now, I'm gonna have to handle it myself.
Mary Ann, go ahead, do your thing.
With pleasure.
- [MARY ANN GROWLING] - [JULIEN CRYING] Go ahead! Eat me! [SOBBING] I don't even know where I am anymore.
I just want my best friend back.
[UNCLE JULIEN] Here let me help.
Do it, Mary Ann! Do it! Oh, yeah! - [TED] Oh - Oh, please! [POP MUSIC PLAYING] [DIABOLICAL LAUGHTER] Karl? Great job on the light show, Chauncey.
Excuse me? Who is this buffoon? That's my arch nemesis, Karl, and his filthy cockroach, Chauncey.
They're, like, together or something.
You've never told your uncle about me, Julien? [CHUCKLES SOFTLY] I'm the one.
"The one" what? The one who's going to put King Julien back on the throne.
[LAUGHING MANICALLY] [PANTING] [MAURICE] King Julien.
It's okay to be you Just don't let anyone know Because the world loves stupid So keep your smarts on the down-low It's okay to have brains No shame! Not lame! No way! No how! [TIMO] Just don't let anyone know That's right! Dee-dee-dada-lee-doo It's okay to be me and you And me and you [SMART MORT] By George, I think I'm getting it!