'Allo 'Allo! (1982) s09e06 Episode Script

( theme music playing )
YESTERDAY WE ALL WENT
TO THE COAST
FOR THE ANNUAL
FISHMONGER'S PARADE.
HOWEVER,
WHEN WE GOT THERE,
WE FOUND THAT
THE ALLIED INVASION
HAD ALREADY STARTED.
OUR, UH-- OUR FLOAT
WAS COMMANDEERED
BY THE RETREATING GERMANS,
AND I HAD TO RIDE A TANDEM
BACK TO NOUVION
DRESSED AS KING NEPTUNE,
WITH EDITH,
AS VENUS UNADORNED BEHIND.
THAT IS,
BEHIND ME ON THE BIKE.
UNFORTUNATELY,
MY WINKLES
GOT CAUGHT IN THE CHAIN
AND I WAS FORCED
TO HITCHHIKE BACK HERE
TO WELCOME
THE TOMMIES
OR THE YANKEES,
WHICH IS WHY WE HAVE
BOILED BEEF AND CARROTS,
AND HAMBURGERS
ON THE MENU.
OH, RENE,
IS IT NOT WONDERFUL?
SOON WE SHALL BE FREE.
OH, IT MAKES ME WANT
TO THROW MY ARMS AROUND YOU
AND KISS YOU PASSIONATELY.
LET US WAIT UNTIL
THE ALLIES ACTUALLY ARRIVE
AT THE CAFE, EDITH.
THEN WE CAN CELEBRATE.
I HAVE THE CHAMPAGNE
ALL READY.
SOON THE CORKS
WILL BE POPPING,
THERE WILL BE HUGS
AND KISSES
AND TEARS WILL FLOW.
AND THEN
I WILL SING
AS I HAVE NEVER SUNG BEFORE.
JUST THE THOUGHT
OF WHAT YOU DESCRIBE
MAKES MY EYES WATER
UNCONTROLLABLY.
MY STEW AND DUMPLINGS
WILL GIVE THE TROOPS STRENGTH
FOR THEIR LONG MARCH
TO BERLIN.
WITH YOUR DUMPLINGS
INSIDE OF THEM,
THEY WILL BE LUCKY
TO GET PAST THE BUS STOP.
GOOD MOANING.
GOOD MOANING.
I HAVE SPLONDID NOSE.
THE BROTISH
AND THE YONKEES
ARE HEADING THIS WOO.
I HAVE A MOP.
WOULD YOU LIKE
TO TAKE A LEAK?
OH, A MAP!
THE BROTISH ARE HERE,
AND THE YONKEES
ARE HERE.
LOOK, RENE, THEY ARE
ONLY AN INCH AWAY.
EDITH, THIS IS
A LITTLE MAP.
IT WILL TAKE THEM DAYS
TO GET TO NOUVION.
BUT EVEN SO,
IT IS OBVIOUS
THAT THE AMERICANS
WILL GET HERE FIRST.
OH, WE MUST MAKE THEM
WELCOME WHEN THEY ARRIVE.
WHAT DO YOU HAVE
IN MIND?
MAMMA HAS SOME RECORDS
OF AMERICAN MUSIC UPSTAIRS.
I COULD GO
AND GET THEM.
A FEW WORDS OF YONKEE
WOULD BE A HILP.
COULD YOU TEACH US?
WELL, OF CURSE.
HAVE YOU GOT ANY
BOBBLE GOM, CHOM?
AND BIDDY,
CAN YOU SPARE A DOOM?
GET THE RECORDS, EDITH.
RENE, I MUST SPEAK
TO YOU URGENTLY.
IT WILL HAVE
TO BE QUICK.
I SOO YOU'RE STILL
HAVING A BIT OF NICKY
WITH YOUR BOORMAID.
THAT IS NONE
OF YOUR BOSNESS.
BOG OFF.
WHAT IS IT?
RENE, YOU PROMISED
TO MARRY ME
WHEN THE INVASION
STARTED.
NO, I SAID
WHEN THE WAR WAS OVER,
WHICH MEANS WHEN
THE ALLIES ACTUALLY ARRIVE
HERE AT THE CAFE.
THEN WILL YOU MARRY ME?
YOU HAVE MY WORD
AS A HERO OF FRANCE.
OH, AND YOU DESERVE
NOTHING LESS
THAN A HERO'S REWARD--
ME.
- OH.
- OOOOH!
( knocking )
SOMEBODY IS AT THE WINDOW.
- HELLO!
- HELLO!
OH MY GOD,
NOT THEM!
THE BRITISH AIRMEN
HAVE COME BACK.
THEY DON'T SEEM VERY PLEASED
TO SEE US, CARSTAIRS.
I SAY, ANY CHANCE
OF SHELTERING US
UNTIL OUR CHAPS
CAN PICK US UP?
WE WERE SHOT DOWN
TOWING IN A GLIDER.
( machine gun sound )
WHAT ARE THEY SAYING?
I HAVE NO IDEA.
I DO NOT SPEAK A WORD
OF THEIR LANGUAGE.
I DON'T THINK
HE UNDERSTANDS.
YOU BE THE GLIDER,
AND I'LL TOW YOU.
HE'LL SOON GET THE GIST.
( airplane sound )
( machine gun sound )
OH, OH!
WHAT ARE THEY DOING?
THEY ARE EITHER
SPEAKING HINDUSTANI
OR DOING
A FERTILITY DANCE.
( sputtering,
crashing sounds )
I THINK IT IS
A FERTILITY DANCE.
RENE, MICHELLE WANTS
TO SPEAK TO YOU AT ONCE.
OH NO--
NOT THE BRITISH AIRMEN AGAIN.
I THINK
SHE REMEMBERS US.
MICHELLE CAN
SORT THIS OUT.
I THINK WE'RE
GETTING THROUGH.
ABOUT TIME.
THESE FROGGIE PEASANTS
ARE DAMNED SLOW ON THE UPTAKE.
GOOD GRIEF!
WHAT ARE
THEY DOING HERE?
WHY NOT ASK THEM?
I SAY, CHAPS,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
ADVANCE GLIDER SQUADRON
SHOT DOWN.
NEED A PLACE TO HOLE UP
FOR A WHILE.
THEY WERE SHOT DOWN.
YOU WILL HAVE
TO HIDE THEM, RENE.
NO. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES
AM I HIDING
THESE TWO IDIOTS HERE.
BUT IF YOU
TURN THEM OUT,
THEY COULD GET CAUGHT.
THEY COULD POINT THIS PLACE
OUT TO THE GERMANS.
AND WE SHALL ALL BE IN
THE YOU-KNOW-WHAT, UP TO HERE.
( mutters )
UP TO THERE.
OH, ALL RIGHT.
MIMI, YVETTE,
TAKE THEM DOWN
INTO THE CELLAR.
LOOK, RENE,
I HAVE FOUND THE RECORDS--
- HELLO.
- HELLO.
NO.
IN FRONT
OF MY VERY EYEBALLS,
HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF.
WE WILL BE HISTORY
IF WE DO NOT HIDE THESE TWO.
DOWN YOU GO, CHAPS.
YOU'LL BE QUITE SAFE
IN THE CELLAR.
- OH, JOLLY GOOD.
- CHEERIO.
THAT IS INCREDIBLE.
HOW ON EARTH DID-- ?
THERE IS NO TIME
TO EXPLAIN NOW.
I HAVE SOMETHING
VERY IMPORTANT TO TELL YOU.
LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY,
I SHALL SAY THIS
ONLY ONCE.
WE INTEND TO BLOW UP
THE GERMAN AMMUNITION DUMP
OUTSIDE THE TOWN.
MONSIEUR ALPHONSE AND I
ARE GOING OUT IN HIS HEARSE
WHICH IS LOADED
WITH EXPLOSIVES.
WE WILL GO TO THE TOP
OF THE HILL,
WHICH OVERLOOKS
THE AMMUNITION DUMP.
WE WILL LET THE HEARSE
ROLL DOWN THE HILL
ONTO THE DUMP,
BLOWING IT SKY HIGH.
BUT YOU TOLD ME
IT WAS A PIECE OF CAKE.
WE ARE ON
THE SPINNING WHEEL OF FATE.
FATE CAN TAKE A FLYING JUMP
AT A ROLLING DOUGHNUT.
RENE, YOU MUST GO
WITH MICHELLE.
WHAT?
YOU ARE A HERO
OF THE RESISTANCE.
PEOPLE WILL CALL
YOU ARE A COWARD
IF YOU REFUSE,
AND YOUR STATUE WILL NOT
BE ERECTED IN THE SQUARE.
PEOPLE WILL SPIT AT YOU
IN THE STREET.
- TCH!
- COWARD.
I WILL GO.
PERFECT.
I MUST BE OFF
MY ROCKER.
GOOD LUCK, RENE.
AND WHEN YOU RETURN,
I WILL GIVE YOU
A NIGHT TO REMEMBER.
EITHER WAY,
IT IS A SUICIDE MISSION.
( yelling )
GENERAL VON--
GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN.
THERE WILL BE NO RETREAT,
AND NO SURRENDER.
NOT WHILE I AM
GARRISON COMMANDER.
WE WILL HOLD THIS TOWN
TO THE LAST MAN
AND THE LAST BULLET.
WILL WE BE
THE LAST MEN?
VERY LIKELY.
TAKE THIS.
ANYONE CAUGHT
DESERTING THEIR POST
WILL BE SHOT.
AH!
I HAVE PUT A GUARD
ON YOUR FRONT DOOR.
I'M NOT STAYING HERE
FOR THE LAST STAND.
WHAT DO WE DO?
WHAT DO WE DO?
TIE MY LONG-JOHANNS
TO THE BALCONY
AND WE WILL CLIMB DOWN.
YOU SHOULD
WASH THESE BY HAND.
THE QUALITY IS TOO GOOD
TO SEND TO THE LAUNDRY.
( record playing )
( lip-syncing )
He was a famous trumpet man ♪
From the old Chicago way
He had a boogie style
That no one else
could play
He was the top man
at his craft
But then
his number came up
And he was gone
with the draft
He's in the army now,
a blowin' reveille
He's the Boogie Woogie
Bugle Boy of Company B
They made him blow a bugle
for his Uncle Sam
It really brought him down
because he couldn't jam
The Captain seemed
to understand
Because the next day the Cap
went out and drafted a band ♪
And now the company jumps
when he plays reveille--
( record stops )
RENE!
DID YOU SUCCEED
IN BLOWING UP
THE AMMUNITION DUMP?
NO.
BUT WE DID GET
A BIG VAN OF VEGETABLES.
I DO NOT UNDERSTAND.
WE MUST GO UPSTAIRS
AND RADIO LONDON.
HERE, MIMI,
YOU TAKE THESE
AND PUT THEM
IN THE KITCHEN.
YVETTE, LOOK AFTER
ON THE BAR.
BUT WHAT HAPPENED
TO MICHELLE?
SHE HAS GONE TO TELL
MONSIEUR ALPHONSE
WHERE HIS HEARSE IS.
AND WHERE IS IT?
EVERYWHERE.
SHH!
Leclerc:
AAH!
THE KNOBS,
THE FLASHING KNOBS.
TAKE YOUR BROMIDE.
SHUT UP,
YOU SILLY OLD FOOLS.
'ALLO, LONDON.
THIS IS
NIGHTHAWK CALLING.
ARE YOU RECEIVING ME?
OVER.
Hello, Nighthawk.
This is London,
receiving you loud and clear.
What is
your message? Over.
WE HAVE FAILED TO BLOW UP
THE AMMUNITION DUMP,
AND WE ARE VERY UNPOPULAR
WITH THE GREENGROCER.
OVER.
Do not worry, Nighthawk.
British commandos
will be with you shortly.
They will take care
of everything.
Over and out.
WELL,
THAT IS THE LAST MESSAGE
I AM SENDING.
FOR ME THE WAR IS OVER.
YOU ARE RIGHT, RENE.
I KNEW IT ALL ALONG.
YOU ARE
A RESISTANCE FIGHTER.
HE'S NOT JUST
A RESISTANCE FIGHTER.
HE IS NIGHTHAWK.
SHUT UP,
YOU SILLY OLD BAT.
AS THE WAR
IS NEARLY OVER,
WE WILL TURN
A BLIND EYE.
JUST GIVE US THE PAINTING
OF THE FALLEN MADONNA
SO WE CAN ESCAPE
AND SELL IT.
BUT I DO NOT KNOW
WHERE IT IS.
I GLUED IT BETWEEN
TWO OF MY MENUS,
AND NOW I CANNOT FIND IT.
OH, COLONEL,
WITHOUT THE PAINTING
I FEAR THE GAME IS UP.
AND THE BRITISH COMMANDOS
WILL BE HERE VERY SHORTLY,
SO UP YOURS.
OH NO,
NOT THE COMMANDOS,
THEY ARE SUCH
ROUGH FELLOWS.
CAN'T WE SURRENDER
TO SOMEBODY ELSE?
WHAT ABOUT
THE BRITISH AIRMEN
IN THE CELLAR?
EDITH!
THE BRITISH AIRMEN?
ARE THEY STILL HERE
AFTER ALL THESE YEARS?
WELL, ON AND OFF, YES.
GRUBER, WE WILL SURRENDER
TO THE BRITISH AIRMEN.
WHAT A RELIEF.
I'VE ALWAYS GOT ON
RATHER WELL WITH AIRMEN.
I SAY, CARSTAIRS,
SOMEONE'S COMING.
DAMN, IT'S THE JERRIES.
WE WISH
TO SURRENDER TO YOU.
THEY'RE GOING
TO SHOOT US.
THE SWINE.
I DON'T THINK THEY
UNDERSTAND US, COLONEL.
GRUBER, I'VE JUST
HAD AN IDEA.
WHY DON'T WE TAKE
THEIR UNIFORMS,
AND ESCAPE
IN DISGUISE?
TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES.
WHAT'S HE SAYING?
SORRY, OLD BOY,
DON'T SPEAK A WORD
OF THE LINGO.
MY GOD,
WHAT'S HE DOING?
THIS COULD BE
A GOOD A MOMENT
TO QUOTE
THE GENEVA CONVENTION.
I THINK HE JUST WANTS
OUR CLOTHES, FAIRFAX.
WHAT A RELIEF.
FOR A MOMENT I THOUGH
I WAS BACK AT ETON!
THE CURSED BRITISH
AND AMERICANS
ARE ONLY HOURS AWAY.
VON SMALLHAUSEN?
REVEAL THE MIDGET
SUBMARINE.
YES, HERR FLICK.
IT LOOKS LIKE TWO BATHS
PUT TOGETHER.
YOU HAVE A KEEN EYE, HELGA.
IT IS TWO BATHS
PUT TOGETHER.
VON SMALLHAUSEN HAS SPENT
THE LAST YEAR
DIGGING A TUNNEL
FROM HERE
TO THE OLD BOATHOUSE
ON THE RIVER.
ONCE AT SEA,
MY UNCLE HEINIE'S SUBMARINE
WILL PICK US UP AND TAKE US
TO SOUTH AMERICA.
YOU WILL LIE DOWN
INSIDE IT, HELGA,
WITH YOUR NOSE
IN THE PLUGHOLE.
I WILL LIE ON TOP OF YOU,
AND PEDAL ALL THE WAY
TO THE COAST.
ON SECOND THOUGHTS,
I THINK I'LL TAKE MY CHANCES
WITH THE BRITISH.
VERY WELL.
VON SMALLHAUSEN,
OPEN THE SECRET TUNNEL.
YES, HERR FLICK.
HERR FLICK, WILL YOU
BE LEAVING ME MY SHARE
OF THE 10 MILLION FRANCS?
NO.
BUT YOU MAY HAVE THIS
AS A MOMENTO.
THE MISSING BOOBY
FROM THE PAINTING
OF THE FALLEN MADONNA.
CHEAPSKATE.
( crowd cheering )
MIMI, GET
THE CHAMPAGNE OUT.
OH, RENE,
DO I LOOK ALL RIGHT
FOR THE COMMANDOS?
YOU NEVER
LOOKED BETTER.
OH, WELCOME,
GOOD TO SEE YOU!
MY DEAR FRIEND.
MAJOR TWISTLETON-SMYTHE,
FIVE COMMANDO,
BRITISH SPECIAL FORCES.
MY SECOND-IN-COMMAND,
CAPTAIN STARKINGTON.
THIS TOWN IS NOW
UNDER ALLIED CONTROL.
WHAT DOES HE SAY,
RENE?
DO NOT ASK ME.
I'VE ARRANGED TO TAKE THE FORMAL
GERMAN SURRENDER IN HERE.
BUT FIRST, I WANT TO SPEAK
TO ONE REENY ARTOYS,
ALIAS NIGHTHAWK
OF THE RESISTANCE.
RENE, HE MENTIONED
YOUR NAME.
I AM RENE ARTOIS.
THIS MUST BE THE CHAP, SIR.
GIVE ME THE MEDAL,
STARKERS.
REENY ARTOYS
IN RECOGNITION
OF YOUR DARING WORK
FOR THE RESISTANCE,
I'M EMPOWERED
BY HIS MAJESTY, KING GEORGE,
TO AWARD YOU
THE M.B.F. MEDAL.
OR "MAGNIFICENT
BROTHER OF FRANCE."
OH, THANK YOU!
DON'T TELL HIM IT
REALLY STANDS FOR
"MAD BLOODY FROG."
OH MY GOD! NO, NO!
I SAY, STARKERS,
WHO ARE THESE TWO?
THEY LOOK LIKE
BRITISH AIRMEN, SIR.
MUST BE FAIRFAX
AND CARSTAIRS,
THE TWO WHO WERE
SHOT DOWN.
DAMN GLAD
TO SEE YOU, CHAPS.
OOOH, WAFFLE WAFFLE
WAFFLE WAFFLE WAFFLE.
RAH RAH RAH
RAH RAH.
I'M GENERAL
VON KLINKERHOFFEN,
COMMANDING OFFICER
OF THE NOUVION GARRISON.
TO AVOID
THE UNNECESSARY
LOSS OF LIVES
OF MY MEN,
I NOW FORMALLY
SURRENDER TO YOU.
LUCKY YOU SPEAK
A LITTLE JERRY, SIR.
YES, ISN'T IT?
I ACCEPT
YOUR SURRENDER.
( German accent )
WHERE ARE THE OTHER OFFICERS
OF THE GARRISON?
UNFORTUNATELY,
I'M THE--
GOOD GOD.
COLONEL VON STROHM!
LIEUTENANT GRUBER!
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
STAND TO ATTENTION!
THESE ARE MY OFFICERS.
IMPERSONATING
BRITISH AIRMEN!
THIS MAY WELL
BE HELD AGAINST YOU.
SORRY, OLD BOY, DON'T SPEAK
A WORD OF THE LINGO.
NICE TRY.
WHERE ARE WE,
VON SMALLHAUSEN?
BY MY CALCULATION,
ONLY THIS WALL
DIVIDES US
FROM THE RIVER.
EXCELLENT.
VON SMALLHAUSEN,
GET INTO THE BATH.
YES, HERR FLICK.
GOODBYE, HELGA.
YOU MAY GIVE ME
ONE LAST KISS,
BEFORE YOU PUSH US
THROUGH THE WALL
AND INTO THE RIVER.
FORGET THE KISS,
BUT I SHALL BE PLEASED
TO GIVE YOU THE PUSH.
ALL WE NEED ARE
THE LOCAL GESTAPO
OFFICERS,
AND WE WILL HAVE
EVERYONE IN THE BAG.
PRIVATE GEERHART!
GENERAL?!
I HAVE TO ANNOUNCE
THAT UPON YOUR ORDERS,
I HAVE CAPTURED HERR FLICK
AND VON SMALLHAUSEN
TO TURN OVER
TO THE BRITISH.
THIS IS NOT THE RIVER,
VON SMALLHAUSEN.
THESE LOOK LIKE
GESTAPO OFFICERS.
THEY ARE.
A VERY JUNIOR ONE.
I'M A CADET.
ALL GERMANS WILL BE HELD
IN THE TOWN JAIL
FOR THE TIME BEING.
TAKE 'EM AWAY, CHAPS.
GOODBYE, RENE.
HOW I WISH WE'D BEEN
ON THE SAME SIDE.
PUT IN
A KIND WORD FOR ME.
I WILL DO MY BEST,
LIEUTENANT.
ME, TOO.
TELL THEM I'M
A PUSSYCAT, REALLY.
MIMI,
YVETTE, DRINKS
FOR THE OFFICERS.
AND NOW FOR SOME
ENTERTAINMENT.
I REMEMBER ONE BRITISH SONG
THAT I HEARD ON THE RADIO.
EDITH, EDITH,
NO, PLEASE.
THIS ISN'T
A BAD LITTLE PLACE.
I THINK WE'LL
BILLET OURSELVES HERE
FOR A DAY OR TWO.
NOW LOOK WHAT
YOU HAVE DONE.
OHHH,
WHAT A DISAPPOINTMENT.
STILL, AT LEAST FOR US,
THE WAR IS OVER.
SO IS YOUR SINGING
CAREER.
BUT RENE,
WE STILL HAVE
EACH OTHER.
THE PRICE OF VICTORY
IS ALWAYS HIGH.
MY GOODNESS,
MY DEAR HELGA.
NOUVION HAS HARDLY
CHANGED AT ALL.
OH, LOOK, HUBERT,
THERE'S A STATUE OF RENE.
HOW HANDSOME HE WAS.
I WONDER IF--
AFTER ALL THESE YEARS--
HIS CAFE IS STILL HERE.
LET US GO AND SEE.
WAIT FOR US HERE,
ERICH.
YES, SIR.
EVEN TO THE SMELL
OF GARLIC,
HOW IT BRINGS BACK
MEMORIES.
WE WERE SO YOUNG.
SURELY MY EYES
DECEIVE ME.
NO, IT-- IT IS RENE.
HOW HAS HE
DEFIED THE YEARS?
I AM WEAK WITH SHOCK.
WELCOME
TO CAFE RENE.
WOULD YOU LIKE
A TABLE?
RENE?!
DO YOU NOT
RECOGNIZE US?
DO I KNOW YOU?
IT IS I,
LIEUTENANT GRUBER.
AND THIS IS HELGA,
NOW MY WIFE.
AH, I THINK IT IS
MY FATHER YOU WANT.
YOU ARE THE SON
OF RENE?
YES, I BEAR
HIS PROUD NAME.
OHHH,
AND IS THE SENIOR RENE
STILL ALIVE?
( weakly )
GO, GO, GO.
LOOK, RENE, A CAR.
WE HAVE VISITORS.
THAT CHAUFFEUR
LOOKS VERY FAMILIAR.
NO, NO,
IT CANNOT BE.
IT IS!
COLONEL VON STROHM.
SURELY NOT.
RENE,
IT'S YOU!
OH, COLONEL.
WHO'S THIS?
OH, IT IS MY WAITRESS,
YVETTE.
SHE IS THE ONLY ONE
STRONG ENOUGH
TO PUSH MY CHAIR.
OH, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE, COLONEL?
WE'VE COME BACK
TO REVIVE OLD MEMORIES.
WE?
HERR GRUBER--
LIEUTENANT GRUBER,
YOU KNEW?
IS HERE WITH HIS WIFE, HELGA.
THEY'RE WITH ME.
LIEUTENANT GRUBER!
MARRIED?
HE BECAME A MILLIONAIRE
ART DEALER AFTER THE WAR.
I'M HIS CHAUFFEUR.
THEY HAVE SIX
GROWN UP CHILDREN.
SIX
I NEVER KNEW
HE HAD IT IN HIM.
MIMI! YVETTE!
WILL NO ONE HEAR
THE CRIES OF AN OLD WOMAN?
SHUT UP, YOU OLD BAT.
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
LIEUTENANT GRUBER IS BACK.
I OVERHEARD RENE
TALKING TO HIM
AS I CAME UP
THE STAIRS.
NO?!
NO.
OH, I MUST GO DOWN
AND TALK WITH HIM.
HERE, HELP ME ON
WITH MY DRESSING GOWN.
PAPA!
PAPA, THERE ARE
SOME OLD FRIENDS
HERE TO SEE YOU.
YOU ARE
LOOKING WELL,
OLD FRIEND.
LIEUTENANT, I CAN HARDLY
BELIEVE MY EYES.
I THOUGHT YOU
WOULD HAVE
MARRIED
MADAME EDITH.
HE NEVER GOT
ROUND TO IT.
BUT HE HAS PROMISED
TO MARRY ME,
AS SOON AS WE FIND
THE MISSING PORTRAIT
OF THE FALLEN MADONNA
WITH THE BIG BOOBIES.
THEN WHOSE
LITTLE BOY IS--
AN ORPHANED BABY,
LEFT ON THE DOORSTEP.
I TOLD HIM THAT
I WAS HIS FATHER.
TO SPARE HIM THE SHAME.
OF COURSE.
KIND AS ALWAYS.
I SEE THEY HAVE
ERECTED A STATUE
TO YOU, RENE.
( all scream )
WHAT IS THIS?
THE PAINTING
OF THE FALLEN MADONNA.
SO THAT IS--
THAT IS WHERE
IT WENT.
STILL IN THE MENU
IN WHICH I HID IT.
SO THAT IS
WHERE IT WENT.
IF ONLY WE HAD
THE MISSING BOOBY.
STRANGELY ENOUGH,
I STILL HAVE IT.
HERR FLICK
GAVE IT TO ME
WHEN THE INVASION
BEGAN.
I HAVE CARRIED IT
AROUND FOR YEARS,
AS A MEMENTO.
HERE IT IS.
WHAT A REUNION.
Gruber:
THIS PAINTING IS
NOW WORTH MILLIONS.
THEN LET US GO
BACK INTO THE CAFE
AND PUT IT TOGETHER.
I WILL FIND US
A BUYER
THROUGH
MY INTERNATIONAL
AUCTION HOUSE.
THIS WILL STUN
THE ART WORLD,
EVEN MORE
THAN MY MARRIAGE.
PERHAPS WE COULD
ALL SHARE
IN THE GOOD
FORTUNE.
HELGA,
LIEUTENANT,
COLONEL,
IS IT REALLY YOU?
HOW WONDERFUL
IT IS TO SEE YOU
AGAIN.
MY GOODNESS,
MADAME EDITH!
( engine revs )
WHAT IS THAT?
RENE IS IN MY CAR.
WHO'S WITH HIM?
THAT DAMNED
WAITRESS.
WE HAVE THE PAINTING,
YVETTE.
WE'LL HEAD FOR SPAIN,
SELL IT AND START
A NEW LIFE TOGETHER.
OH, RENE, AT LAST!
WHAT IS
GOING ON HERE?
THEY ARE
TAKING MY CAR.
AND THEY HAVE
THE PAINTING.
RENE!
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING WITH THAT
SERVING GIRL?
YOU STUPID WOMAN.
CAN YOU NOT SEE,
I AM ELOPING?
( car honks )
( theme music playing )