Ally Mcbeal s03e06 Episode Script


¢ÜThere's a new man in town, and he's not foolin' round Cameras make me nervous.
So do reporters.
We don't need to talk to anyboby.
Why is there such an interest over this? Because you're beautiful.
Because it would raise the bar yet again on sexual harassment law.
I don't like cameras The thing is, we can still settle.
I respect you wanting to see this thing through, Robin, but they will be putting you on trial.
I want to see it through.
Jones! Why you? Sorry.
We have no comment.
Many feminists are taking a stand against you.
I said no comment.
Thank you.
Cage, your firm has litigated several sexual harassment cases.
Does this one somehow feel bigger? Is that a Porky Pig reference? So you're suggesting chauvinism on the defendants' position? Come on, John.
What would you like to say to the viewers about your client? Who is Robin Jones and all this? .
Lady of Liberty! ³×ÀÌÆ® µå ó¸ 24½Ã µ¿È£È¸ µ¿È£È¸ ¿Ü ¹«´ÜÀ¯ÃâÀ» ±ÝÇÕ´Ï´Ù.
Can you believe that? I'm Richard Fish of Cage and Fish.
Perhaps you've seen my partner! Ugh.
All right, Richard.
Do you think it's nice to make fun of a person's stuttering? -Enough! -All right! Richarrrd! They, they're right.
Warner Brothers may be claiming uh their trademark infringement.
John! Aren't you in court? We broke after our openings, yeah.
I'm on my way back now.
You catch the news? You look great! I hope you're happy, Richard.
I, I, I, I didn't mean anything.
He knows you're meaningless.
Don't worry about it.
Thanks, Ling.
This place needs more men.
I'm looking on a personal level, by the way.
Thanks again, Ling.
I'm sure we'll get right to work on that.
He doesn't need to be handsome, clearly.
I'd just like somebody quiet and rich who can please me in bed without chemicals.
Ling, if you're realy feel the need to humiliate me, just you know, be seen in public with me.
All right.
Grow up, both of you! You just have a thing for grownups, don't you? -Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey! -Excuse me? I have some thoughts on our Christmas party -Quiet! -Get Out! -Not now! -Elanine! I was Managing Editor, then became Editor-in-Chief when Michael Pearlman passed away.
That was in March? Yes.
What happened then, Ms.
Jones? Almost immediately, we began to get a version of the blue flu.
Editors started calling in sick.
Sales Department heads, Advertising managers, art directors, they all started calling in sick.
It caused us to miss our May publication, and it was shortly after that, I was fired.
Jones, these people worked for you.
You were the boss, claiming sexual harassment from your employees? Because that's what it was.
They nicknamed me "The Nymph.
" They circulated memos claiming they didn't want to work for a sex siren.
That's sexual harassment, Mr.
Bender, whether I'm the boss or not.
You say you became Editor-in-Chief when Michael Pearlman, your predecessor, died? Yes.
Uh, how did he die? He had a coronary.
Where were you at the time? I was with him.
You were making love to him? Objection! This isn't relevant.
Bender is trying to titillate the jury with sordid sex talk.
They had a personal relationship.
No need to air out the graphic details of something we've already fornicated to on the record! Eh, te-shteh-step-eh-eh-eh, stipulated to.
I'll allow.
He died while in the throes ? Yes, Mr.
We were making love when he had a heart attack.
How old was Mr.
Pearlman, well, if you know? I believe he was eighty-six.
When your relationship began with Mr.
Pearlman, were you Managing Editor? No.
What, what was your position? Ah, your job title? I was an editorial assistant.
To a contributing editor? Yes.
You went straight from an editorial assistant to a contributing editor to Managing Editor of the magazine? Yes.
You never became a contributing editor, or moved to copy editor or senior editor? No.
Wow! That's quite a leap.
So, I left you alone On Thanksgiving! Well, you saw Whipper.
She was hurt Richard, I get it.
I don't compete with her wattle.
She has creases and crevices and folds I'll never know in my lifetime! But she also cares about me.
Ling, do you? Of course I do.
Doesn't it show? Ling, what what do we really talk about -- you and me? We have fun, we're-we're good company, we laugh.
But what do we really talk about? Your house is wired to prevent any real discussions! Okay.
Let, let's face it.
You don't want to get serious.
Well, I don't want to get serious.
We may be smarter than the rest of those dummies out there searching for love.
Or we may not be.
I And maybe we should find out.
It's just If there's anything to learn out there I doubt we'll discover it together.
So we're officially broken up? Yes.
Wow I feel relief.
Do you? Yeah, I do.
Well I uh I got to, uh facilities.
If you feel these people were guilty of sexual harassment, why not fired them? You had that power.
If I were to fire my editorial staff, I wouldn't be able to put out a magazine.
Which they knew.
I say "Mrs.
" Jones -- you're divorced, right? Yes.
Let's cut to it.
The editorial staff at Beantown feels you are unqualified to be Editor-in-Chief.
In fact, they feel you slept your way into the position.
Isn't that a fair assessment? It's a fair assessment of what they think.
It's not a fair conclusion.
Once you became Editor-in-Chief, you decided to feature yourself in a pictorial, wearing revealing lingerie.
Isn't that true? Yes.
The purpose there being? To promote my own celebrity, which I would then use to promote the magazine.
So, you had an affair with the Editor-in-Chief.
You were handpicked to become his successor.
Shortly after which, he dies in your saddle.
After which, you then publish a quasi-nude pictorial of yourself? Objection! This is argumentative.
It is badgering.
I would ask this court I apologize, Your Honr.
These are new shoes.
I'm still breaking them in.
I object to that.
He's famous for pulling these stunts.
I want a sanction I object to him attacking me! That was ridiculous! Don't raise your voice at me.
Exploding shoes? Even for you, John! I asked you not to raise your voice to me! I'm sorry.
I had no idea he was going to do that.
It's okay.
I think it was effective, actually.
It broke up their momentum.
Robin, I got to be honest.
I admire you sticking up for yourself.
But if we win this case, which I don't think is likely, the chances of it being overturned on appeal.
How much are they offering? Seventy-five.
Again in the spirit of honesty, I find it difficult believing you were in love with an eighty-six-year-old man.
Then, I feel sorry for you.
You may be feeling sorry for the jurors, then.
Hey, Billy, you said you'd take my case.
You took it.
Are you telling me now you want to quit? I'm telling you to settle.
Well, I'm not the settling type.
Funny I didn't think you were, either.
Excuse me.
And that was before his feet went off.
Look at that.
Every channel! Let's just turn it off.
Every channel, they are making fun of me! Well, John, that little fireworks This doesn't license them to make fun of my stuttering! It is a big case.
No! It doesn't give them the right to do theh-eh-thet-eh, the right to do theh-eh-thet-eh, the rie, the right to duh, damn it! I'm stuck! Calm down.
Deep breaths.
Deep breaths.
I really had no choice but to fire her.
There was a mutiny of her staff.
So the discharge had nothing to do with her job performance? Well, part of job performance at that level is leadership.
And as Publisher, I had to recognize that she could command neither respect nor loyalty from her subordinates.
Was she even given a chance? Probably not.
She was Editor-in-Chief for only one issue.
Oh, by the way, was circulation up or down for that issue? It was up actually.
Up because of her little pictorial? That's the likely reason, yes.
Weren't you surprised that Mr.
Pearlman groomed Mrs.
Jones to be his successor? Nothing really surprises me anymore, Mr.
Well, were you surprised to learn that Mr.
Pearlman was having an affair with her? Objection! The witness answered that nothing surprised him! Asked and answered, asked and answered, asked and answered! Nothing surprises this witness! Are you going to keep grilling him until you get the answer that you like? -Asked and answered! Mr.
Cage! What? I, I can't blow my top now? I can't blow my shoes, I can't blow my top.
Could I blow my nose? Would that be all right? It whistles, you know.
You're blowing the case! The man kept asking the same question.
He answered it.
Did he not answer the question? Go home.
Excuse me? You're off the case.
-You can't take me off the case! -I'm taking you off the case.
You're an associate, and I am damn it! John, I don't know what's going on.
Well then, only just leave it at that.
You don't know what's going on.
You're fired.
What? I don't want you at my table anymore, Mr.
You're fired.
So, you and Ally's father you broke up already? We weren't going out, Ling.
We didn't even know each other's last names.
But you kissed him.
I don't want to talk about it.
Do we really need to talk about it? I'm going through an emotional crisis right now.
Okay? Richard and I seperated.
I'm just looking to latch on to some companionship.
Forgive me for turning to you! You and Richard broke up? Yes.
Is there anything I can do? Well, Ally's dad was really cute.
If you're done with him I promise you, Ally, I would make sure he's totally finished with your mother first.
He's not totally finished with my mother.
My parents are working it out.
Excellent! How's it going? -Good.
Ally, hey! Oh, Richard, I'm, I'm so sorry to hear about you, you and -Ling.
Well, it's for the best.
We're going to remain friends that, that's the important thing.
I actually tihnk it'll be good for me to uh be alone for a while.
The independence will give me a chance to Richard, I forgot.
I quit.
Uh, excuse me? I quit.
But, but, but, but I've decided to go work for Renee.
I'm sorry and I thank you for everything you've done for me.
Georgia, Georgia, could, could we talk about this? I, I think you owe me that.
I'd like you to sleep on it just I've made up my mind.
Out of loyalty to me.
One night.
Sleep on it.
We could, we could talk in the morning.
Please! Okay.
I owe you that.
Elaine, good.
Have the locks changed on Georgia's office tonight.
I don't want her sneaking out our client files.
When can I tell people? Not until I say.
Now get those locks changed.
You are just so sentimental.
Well, yeah.
Breathe deeply.
Will you please stop telling me that? I breathe automatically, Nelle.
I don't need to be told to breathe.
Is that your approach to problems? You just go on telling people to breathe? Because I don't need to be told John, you can either continue to rant, or you can tell me why you're behaving like this.
I was fired off the case.
That you told me.
And I don't blame Billy or, or the client.
You're acting like I've never seen you.
What's going on? I was humiliated, Nelle.
Okay? The cameras pointing at me, my stuttering.
It's playing on the news.
Oh, John! No.
Don't "Oh-John.
" I'm tired of people thinking I am this funny little man! People don't think that! Oh, can you tell me when you're done with the funny little man? I need to talk.
I'll call.
It's just Ling! I've been ridiculed my entire life.
I'm quite used to it.
But not when I enter that room.
What room? The courtroom.
That's my room.
That's the room I win in, and anybody who mocks me in that room regrets it.
And other lawyers, they, they fear me, they do, and I like it.
That's been my haven from ridicule until today, and I pockipped my way through every newscast, and I was made a fool of in my one haven! Stuttering doesn't make you foolish No, no.
Sure gets you laughed at, though, doesn't it? She slept her way to the top.
It's my belief.
I won't shy from expressing it.
And you were one of the organizers of the blue flu, Mr.
Fordham? I don't know about organizing, but I certainly participated.
We put in many years as assistant editors, editors.
It was a very long process -- for little pay, I might add.
Then to be suddenly subordinated to a person with zero training who's sleeping with the Editor-in-Chief.
That was an insult.
After she takes over Is he going to give a speech? I'll be happy to.
Bender, ask your witness questions.
What else, besides her becoming Editor-in-Chief, upset you, sir? This is a dignified magazine.
We took pride in its integrity.
What do you think she did to that integrity when she does a little pictorial of herself? Did you call her a whore? I may have insinuated it.
Call a meeting? Asked the other editors and department heads about how they felt about working for a "nymph"? Yes.
Would you like to know their answer? And you all decided to start calling in sick? Every reporter at that magazine dedicated him-or-herself to its reputation.
She obliterated it.
You all decided to start calling in sick? We decided to try to sefeguard the pedigree YOU ALL DECIDED TO START CALLING IN SICK? Yes.
Knowing she had the right to fire us.
I've got it to up to a hundred.
Robin, the last point he made on the stand was a good one: You could have fired them.
Fired them all? Listen.
Sexual harassment law is based on a disparity of power.
Don't talk to me like I'm a child! I am telling you, since you were the boss They made those arguments at the summary judgment and lost.
But now we're with the jury They called me a whore.
We have that on record.
We also have on record you slept with your eighty-six-year-old boss! What the hell does that say? What does it say? Why don't you just give me your take on all this, Billy? Okay.
I think you're a bit of a gold digger, looking to capitalize on a stupid law that works as an equalizer for weak women.
And if ever a jury found the right case to take sexual harassment law and say "Shove it," this would be the ideal opportunity.
Why did you take this case, if you Because it's also a law that causes insurance companies to push the panic button, and they'll usually pay off.
But here, they're digging in.
That's why I say we should settle.
You're a male chauvinist pig! Card-carrying and proud of it! So, you hate women? No.
I hate our chances in this lawsuit.
And as your lawyer, I am advising you Part of being my lawyer is to get behind me and As opposed to being on top of you? I didn't deserve that from them and I don't deserve it from you! The truth is, I loved Michael Pearlman.
I don't owe you an explanation, but I did love him.
And the fact that he's rich? Women fall for eighty-year-old poor guys all the time, don't they? Look.
I don't much care if you choose to believe me or not.
But I do need to know if you're capable of continuing with this trial.
The jury won't see anything from me but total commitment.
Good! At least one of us is able to fake it for money.
You pig.
That better? A little.
Probably I should have just taken an Advil.
Do that, or try to relax a little bit.
Working out those knots? Oh, that's funny.
You're late, by the way.
Well, I usually count to ten before I see you, but I've upped that to a hundred.
Funny again.
You're ready to close? I'm fine.
Let's go.
John, hey.
I had a dream last night.
You went into a post office and just opened fire with your shoe.
Go away, Richard.
Uh, look.
I uh I understand I may have hurt your feelings playing that news tape.
I'm sorry.
Is there something you want? Oh, I've had a bad week.
Ling and I split, Georgia quit, and my fellow senior partner who's also my best friend he could be cracking up.
Is he? John? My favorite stories growing up were about the kid who got picked on, the one everybody thought was strange, but who then returned to his high school or college reunion.
A new man -- suddenly the one everybody wanted to be.
That's, that's how my life was going to turn out, Richard.
I was going to become a successful lawyer, become rich, have a beautiful woman at my side.
Well, that was, that was the plan.
Well, and it's happened! You're one of the best litigators in town.
You've got Nelle, talk about your beautiful women.
You got the money, you got the girl! And nothing has changed, Richard.
I could walk into my high school reunion with Nelle on my arm, and they'd say, "Well, how did that oddball get her? She must be paid for.
" John! We're not going to change, Richard.
We are who we are.
Don't you find that devastating? Gee, thanks for the kudo.
Were you in love with Ling? Was I in love with her? No, you weren't.
She was fun, she was great to look at, the sex was good, and that's enough for you.
That'd be okay if it was a stage you were going through.
But it isn't.
It's who you are.
And I'm not going through a stage of being odd.
That's who I am.
And seeing myself just pockipping away on television, it hit me: I'm thirty-five and I am what I am what I am.
John, if you don't like who you are, if you're truly unhappy with your life, it only means you're ready to have children.
Don't you feel you lead a rather empty life? Now, everybody says, uh, a man will wake up one day, look in the mirror and say, "How did I get here?" But it doesn't have to be that way.
It doesn't? There's no rule that says, "We have to wake up.
" Will you remember that? E-mails shooting through the office that she was the equivalent of a whore.
Group discussions by the water cooler on what she's wearing, the joke about smelling sources of her perfume to keep the old man awake.
And then, the organized sick-out, the protest: "We don't want to work for a nymph.
" And they got her fired, didn't they? They got the nymph fired! Could there be a more open-and-shut case for sexual harassment? It doesn't matter that she was technically the boss.
As a group, these employees held more power, which they knew, and they proved.
And they're in here today banking on the idea that the twelve of you will share their sentiments: "We don't like it when beautiful women rise to the top.
There has to be a catch.
Just look at her! She couldn't possibly have a good idea, could she?" Oh, and the fact that the circulation went up for that one issue she got to put out --it's 'cause she got half naked.
She can't be smart.
The idea that the celebrity of an editor could help sell magazines, well, that's just silly.
Isn't it? J.
Junior celebrity didn't help George magazine.
Tina Brown's profile didn't help Talk magazine.
Celebrity, that's just a stupid idea Robin Jones had.
And if you want to prove that it's stupid, just look at her.
She's pretty.
And she fell in love with an older man -- again proof positive that she's a nymph and unqualified to be an editor.
Why bother you to give her a chance when the evidence is so convincing? Thank God we have good Americans out there in the workplace identifying sluts, and making sure they get fired! So, what if this is sexual harassment? She deserves it.
She's pretty.
Well, that was exciting.
Maybe she does have a talent to run a magazine.
But she doesn't have the credentials.
And my clients resent that.
That makes them guilty of sexual harassment? You can't have a negative opinion about a pretty woman without running afoul of sexual harassment laws? Have we come to this? Who cares how she got there.
She's a woman.
She's sexy.
If you want to talk about her, she'll be able to sue you under today's laws even if she's the boss! Let's all stand up together and vomit.
These laws were designed to protect a secretary being groped or propositioned in the workplace.
Now they're being exploited by an editor-in-chief, employer.
Enough is enough! You locked me out!? Of course, it's nothing personal, Georgia.
It's just I, I can't trust you.
That's not personal? Georgia, one of the reasons I hired you is because I was sure you'd steal files from your old firm.
That's a, uh, compliment, business ethics-wise.
Open the door! Are you really quitting? Are you going to work with Renee? Yes.
I, I didn't think you'd really go through with it.
I It I just Hey, can I have her office? I don't know why you two broke up! You're so made for each other! Hold on a second! You can't just fly out of here without me having my say.
If things don't work out at Renee's firm, and you think you can just come crawling back here and get your job back you're right.
We'd take you back in a second.
Nice, Richard.
You made her cry.
Georgia, what's the matter? I like it here.
Then, don't quit.
I have to.
Why? I can't work with that pig-ass bastard.
Billy? If I don't get space from him during the day, I'll go looking for it at night.
Out! This is private! I've got to Hooold it! Look, Georgia.
I'm no marriage counselor, but I don't, I don't think quitting your job is, you know, well, it's, it's any kind of answer.
You're right.
I should just leave him.
No, no no no no I am not saying that.
It's just This is a bump.
You, you just can't Every marriage has bumps.
Can I ask you something? And, and I want you to be honest.
Promise you'll be completely honest with me.
What would you think if, if I were to go forward with, you know, your dad? My father is happily married to my mother.
But he is so nice! He isn't nice! He is just an older pig ass-bastard who you're to stay away from! He is a happily married man! Then, why did he kiss me? You were anonymous.
It was an anonymous thing.
He certainly wouldn't have kissed you, had he gotten to know you! Oh, that didn't come out how I meant.
Um, you know, look.
Just be patient with Billy.
He, he, he changed, he'll change back.
People change all the time.
Am I right, John? No!!! People are what they are! They don't change! That's a big conspiracy perpetrated by the fashion designers to sell new clothes! But you can't change people Only clothes! People leave remnants in my damn bowl! Mr.
Foreman, has the jury reached its verdict? We have.
What say you? Jones vs.
Fordham et al.
, on the charge of sexual harassment, and on the charge of intentional infliction of emotional distress, and on the charge of negligent infliction of emotional distress; count numbers 32612, 32613 ---- Just say it Oh.
We find in favor of the defendants.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, we thank you for your service.
You're dismissed.
This court is adjourned.
I'm sorry.
I should have listened, I guess and settled.
you, you did the right thing.
You would have never forgiven yourself if you settled.
I admire you for sticking to your buns Guns.
I can't believe I said that.
Pig talk.
Oh well, thanks for fighting.
Your closing was so impassioned I thought for a second you actually believed in what you were saying.
I did.
I'm sorry for underestimating you, Robin.
I think we both did a little of that.
So thanks.
The pay is pretty lousy.
But you keep a piece of any action you bring in.
Thank you.
Do you have any idea how big the firm plans to get? For now, it's just you, me and Whipper.
We're walking a bit of a plank, Georgia.
We don't have many clients yet.
Are you sure you want to do this? Yes.
Should I quit, too? Why? Well, if it's going to be awkward Well, why, why, why should it be awkward? What, you plan to stop being hostile? As a matter of fact, yes.
I thought I'd try being nice.
I'm bored with my character.
Why is everybody changing around here? Billy dyes his hair, Georgia I think is getting testosterone injections.
Now you want to be nice, Ling? A wise man once said to me yesterday, as a matter of fact, people don't change.
What wise man said that? He's a sage, Ling.
And he's also here again.
Richard, seriously are we okay working together? Uh sure.
It doesn't hurt? The truth it hurts a lot.
What am I going to do? Do you think maybe I don't know we should give it another try? Well I keep asking that.
I mean, suppose we get back where we were, where were we, Ling? Really? Not very far.
Don't you want to really be in love one day? I've read it does happen.
Hey, uh, you know, maybe, umm we could, we could still date? I mean, you know, until the right one comes along.
Whipper is not the right one? I don't know.
She might be.
I don't know.
I think you should find out, Richard.
Hey, I would like You haven't officially said goodbye to my knee-pit yet.
Well, nor you to my finger.
Maybe later we could Just for old time's sake.
I'd like, I'd like that.
John, well What!? I'm just decompressing.
Not to worry.
You do you think that you could wear bigger gloves? It's to protect the door and my hands.
John! John! Out of my way, Ally! No! In my office! No! Excuse me! Pardon me! Look ouuut! What the hell is going on? What gives you the right to just yank me by the ear and, and John, what is it? Now come on, you railing last night about people don't change.
Now, you talk to me -- now! I've made a big mistake.
Tell me.
Ally, before you came to this firm, I never went down to the bar after work.
I never talked to anyone except for Richard.
I was content to be this, this litigant savant.
Because there was safety in it.
There was safety in it.
And you brought me out.
And I'm grateful for it, don't get me wrong.
But you also made me believe that I was mainstream.
And I, and I totally bought into it.
It's like Richard says, "You know, you know, you have this beautiful girlfriend and " But I you know, I'm I'm also fascinated with frogs.
I draft my closing arguments in bare feet.
Remnants in toilet bowls actually traumatize me.
I can I can only make love to a woman if I, if I pretend I'm Barry White.
And I'll tell you, just when I think I'm normal, my nose whistles as if to remind me that I'm not.
John, if you were to look up "normal" in a thesaurus, you would probably see the word, "ordinary.
" You are maybe the most extraordinary person I have ever met.
You say I brought you out.
If I did, it wasn't because I convinced you you were normal, it's because I got you to embrace how wonderful all your little eccentricities are.
Now, you know, I've always considered you kind of a, uh a soul mate.
Because we're fellow weirdos.
I think maybe when I saw myself in those newscasts, I I saw a little weirdo.
Or you'd rather be a standard, typical lawyer? Excuse me.
I, I'm Richard Fish.
Can I, can I help? No.
That's okay.
You got a little uh crumb, or some Yeah.
All right, I got, I got it.
-Thank you.
That's all right.
Robin, hey! I brought you a gift.
A gift? This is the first time a client ever brought me a gift after losing! Well, it's a little, sweet, male chauvinist pig.
Well, I will certainly think of you whenever I look at it.
Thank you.
Thank you again.
You okay? No.
Suddenly I feel like I'm seventeen.
I had this whole conversation in mind, which was designed to reveal whether you were happily married.
And I've forgotten it.
So, I guess I'll just ask: Are you happily married? Pretty much.
"Pretty much.
" Okay.
So, it's goodbye.
Goodbye, then.
Hey, if you ever want to sue anybody again ? Yeah.
I'm sorry.
No it's okay.
"It's okay, let's forget it"? Or "It's okay, it's okay"? It's okay.
¢ÜMe and Mrs.
Jones ¢ÜWe got a thing going on ¢ÜWe both know that it's wrong, but it's much too strong to let it go now ¢ÜWe meet everyday at the same cafe, 6:30, and no one knows she'll be there ¢ÜHolding hands, making all kinds of plans Uh, I don't think, uh Yes.
Georgia! Hi! This is Mrs.
Mrs Mrs.
Jones, my wife, Georgia.
We were just uh kissing.
I thought you quit.
I quit my job.
And now I quit you.

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