Ally Mcbeal s05e03 Episode Script

Neutral Corners

Last round, Raymond.
You're way ahead.
Hold him off with your jab.
Watch the left hook, that's all he's ever hurt you with.
Knock him out, Glenn.
You're way behind on points.
You can't win on a decision.
It comes down to this: Are you a champion or not? Three minutes.
Take it to him.
Let me see if I get this you dreamt I was dreaming of Raymond and Glenn fighting? Yes.
You were in the front row.
When Raymond hit Glenn his mouthpiece flew into you.
You screamed and lurched up in bed, revealing that it was a dream.
And then I lurched up in bed, realizing I was dreaming of you - having the dream.
- Okay.
You're weirder than me.
- Ready? - We have to call the case off.
- Why? - You and Raymond will kill each other.
Or at least ruin your friendship.
- I dreamt it.
- Actually, I- - You dreamt me dreaming it.
- I'm sure I should have followed that.
- You majored in dream interpretation.
- No, I studied it.
You should be able to read this one.
We should settle.
- Just because she dreamt it? - Her dreams come true.
Tell him.
Especially the bad ones.
- Tell me about this dream.
- You and Raymond were boxing.
- His eye was swollen.
You were bleeding.
- It was terrible.
But it didn't turn out to be my dream.
I was just in bed dreaming of Jenny's dream, like she said.
- Is that it? - Pretty much.
- See? We need to settle.
- This dream could mean who knows what.
You're in bed.
That could be fear of death, place of sexual encounter.
Violence isn't battle so much as repression.
Blood actually means love.
- Love? - Yeah.
Becoming one with somebody.
- Who was bleeding? - You.
Men naked or in undergarments: sexual fantasy or intimacy.
Let's see This has nothing to do with the case.
You just have repressed fantasies of sex and intimacy.
Likely with me.
Dreams mean nothing.
I've been down this road Neutral Corners Walking the line That's painted by pride And I have made mistakes in my life That Ijust can't hide Oh, I believe I am ready For what love has to bring I got myself together Yeah, now I'm ready to sing I've been searching my soul tonight I know there's so much more to life Now I know I can shine a light To fiind my way back home Oh, baby, yeah First up, the Honorable Judge Ling.
As you all know, Ling's a judge.
And of course, legally, as a judge she can no longer work here.
- Oh.
- Oh.
I know sarcasm when I hear it.
I'm expecting a party.
Something big.
Maybe a dinner.
I'll need to approve the menu.
- What happened to you? - I beg your pardon? - How was your time off, John? - It was fine.
- Good food? Little R and R? Steroids? - I worked out a little.
- Let's just move along, Richard.
- All right.
Next up - I've totally forgotten what's next.
- Can anything follow that? Balls.
- The only thing- - They know! - They know you look different.
- Did you see the gape on Ally? - If they touch you, you'll feel real.
- Do I walk around saying, "Touch me"? - Do women do that with padded bras? - Just give this a chance.
Trust me.
This can work.
What then, Corretta? Do I continue living my life with fake pecs and inflated glutes? Women look at body parts, just like men do.
That's really nice to hear.
But once we fall in love, the outside no longer matters.
You see pretty wives with beer-bellied, bald men all the time.
You think those guys looked like that in the beginning? - One twenty-five? - Look, Jenny- Raymond, our case is stronger as a nuisance claim.
But your damages are limited.
Help me out, Al.
- Why should I help you out? - You'll end up losing money.
You know that.
Glenn knows it.
How you doing? Stop asking me how I'm doing.
One twenty-five is as high as I'm authorized to go.
- We'll think about it.
- No, we won't.
We'll get back to you.
- Good.
That was fast.
Burger? - Yeah, okay.
I'll meet you outside.
- They got us.
- They don't.
Whose side are you on? The cost of prosecuting will be higher than our contingency.
- We can win.
- In your dreams.
Or maybe hers.
Hey! Hey! My dreams have no relevance.
Don't think my dreams are relevant.
We cannot make money on this case.
That's all I'm saying.
Case number 603.
Crystal v.
City of Boston.
Good morning, Your Honor.
How are you today? - Judgment for the defendant.
- Wait! I have a case.
I was forced to pay the Brighton Public School $32 just because my son stuck gum on the bottom of a desk.
They threatened to suspend him.
It may seem petty, but the school systems expend a lot of money to remove these big wads of gum.
Not only is it vandalism but it represents an egregious breach of decorum.
Gum-chewing is symptomatic of the escalation of disrespect afforded to both the teachers and the education I changed my mind.
Judgment for the plaintiff.
Refund her money.
- Thank you, Your Honor.
- But you pay court costs.
Next case.
Something good.
What are we gonna do? About what? Jenny.
We gotta convince her to settle on this case.
When she gets stubborn, I just I'm friends with Raymond.
That makes my influence less.
Maybe you should try and persuade her.
You guys seem pretty close now.
Well - Are you close? - Look, I'm 31 years old.
- I'm way too old to play games, okay? - I'm sorry? Last week, you told me you two were over.
Then you blurt out that you're a single guy.
Now you're here, trying to find out if I'm close to Jenny.
Would I be betraying her if I were to see you? Obviously, there's some chemistry going on.
So let's just be adult, address it, and put it out there.
- Ally? - Hm? If you somehow got the impression that I was interested I apologize.
Never mind, it was a joke! I was joking.
I'm a joker.
You'll learn that about me.
I'm a kidder.
So funny.
See you.
Tell me something.
Be honest.
Do you think Ally's cute? - Why do you ask me that? - Well, I could be wrong- - You usually are.
- I think she's, you know a nasty little edible.
- You think she's cute? - Isn't that what I just said? Yeah, I suppose she's cute.
Okay, I could be wrong- - You usually are.
- I bet behind the corporate thing she's a little sex machine.
- Ally? - Yep.
- Think it'd be bad to ask her out? - I thought you did.
I pissed her off.
I got distracted by Loing.
- Ling.
- What do you think of me and Ally? You always have a good feel for these things.
Well, I don't Actually, yeah, you two probably would be good.
- Why not? - I'm gonna ask her out.
Ally, give me your hand.
I simply must have it.
I'm not exactly comfortable with the dream.
- We should confront its implications.
- It was just a dream.
It's been said, "Sex is the gateway of life.
" - Who said that? - It doesn't matter.
What does: We are conceived through sex.
As we age, we're reborn through it either as a culminating act of love or - lust.
Lust is good.
- It is? Oh, yes.
It's part of love.
And women sometimes need to revitalize the yearning.
I think you know what I'm saying.
Give me your hand.
I haven't a clue as to what you're saying.
Drink the sweet nectar of the forbidden fruit.
- Navigate the passage.
- Again, more clearly.
It's only when you surrender to your want that you'll be able to clarify what it is you truly need.
You're telling me again to go to the boy? Oh, yes.
- We can't settle for 125,000.
- Jenny, we have to be practical.
- Why? Who made up that rule? - Certainly not me.
At 125,000, minus contingency, each plaintiff will get a dollar.
This thing is not about money, it's about right and wrong.
It's stopping these people from invading the privacy of our homes where we do those private things that we love to do in our own homes.
- This is about justice.
- Justice can't be that cheap.
- They're not afraid of us.
- Then we have to scare them.
- How's it going? - Hello again.
Well, John, one of us isn't being entirely honest with ourselves, is he? - Can't they do this in your office? - Too much natural light.
- Have you planned my party? Richard! - Well I have strong emotional attachments to this place.
- What's going on? - Camera and makeup tests.
- Are you getting a TV show? - Why not? - Can I speak with you? - No.
I tried to convince Jenny.
She wouldn't budge, so we have nothing to talk about.
- Boy? I want you to sing at my party.
- Excuse me? Somebody other than Elaine should sing.
You're the only one who can hit a note.
- Something that captures me.
- Can you hold still? Ling? After the shoot, do you think I could borrow the camera crew? Sure.
I'm generous when it doesn't cost me anything.
- A video? - We know that we don't scare them.
- What would scare the phone companies? - What? Bad publicity.
So far, this case has made very little noise.
- But a press conference- - No.
This is a cross between a video and a PSA.
Claire will be our spokesperson.
- Claire? Are you on drugs? - I have an idea.
Set up another settlement conference.
Get Claire back in here.
We have to rehearse.
And no, I am not on drugs.
I know you're in there.
Let me in, or I'll call the fire department.
What's wrong? Feel my muscle.
- Ew.
- Yep.
It's a fraud.
A suit designed by Corretta.
And I was totally fooled.
As lawyers, we're trained to look at events as reasonable men.
Looking at myself- This sullen attitude, it's just too boring.
Do you ever have a problem with being ridiculous? Never.
This started two weeks ago when you decided you loved Ally.
What did we agree to do? Declare your feelings.
You didn't do that, did you? - She likened me to a Chia Pet.
- You never took the shot.
You don't even have the guts to go for what you want.
Did you ever think that she could be protecting herself? Maybe she really loves you.
Did you ever stop to consider that? - Do you think that could be true? - Are you nuts? That's not the point.
The point is, let her say no.
Hear her say no.
But at least walk the plank.
How can any woman love a man who's too afraid to take the chance? If you love Ally, go to her.
I didn't give the phone number.
We can superimpose that with a graphic.
I'm gonna see how Glenn did with the meeting.
- You were great, Claire.
- Yes, I was, wasn't I? So lovely.
We'll let you know how we do, and I really appreciate it, Claire.
- Are you all right, Ally? - Sorry? You seem blue.
I know my colors.
Well, I'm probably just a little tired.
Is it a man? What? No.
No, I'm fine.
You're more than fine, you're gorgeous.
But is it Glenn? Glenn? Glenn Foy? - May I take your hand, Ally? - Okay.
When I was very young, I was the image of you.
Which gives you an idea of what you'll look like in a year or two.
But there was nothing like that spark when you met that special someone.
Even my nooks and crannies tingled.
Now I've got a lot older, they tingle vicariously.
Right now, I'm tingling for you and Glenn.
He's lovely.
Well, Glenn isn't really my type.
But thank you.
My mistake.
I may have had a phantom tingle.
- I have a lot of work to do.
- Of course.
I should get busy.
- Ally.
- Hm? I've always found the funny thing about love is it's the one game you lose by refusing to play.
- Well, our home away from home.
- You can go into the conference room.
- Raymond? - This really is a waste of time.
- Our client- - Just go in.
We'll meet you in there.
- Is the television set up? - Everything's in there.
Could you sing tonight at the bar for Ling? - I don't even know her.
- The problem is, others do.
- Ready? - Yeah.
- Would you think about it? Okay.
John, what happened to your little tush? - It's depressed.
Can I speak to you? - I'm late.
I'm in a settlement conference.
Right after, I'll come- Listen, Ally, sometimes when I try cases against women lawyers I hit on them to unnerve them.
I'm not proud of it.
I just want to apologize for doing it a little with you.
I appreciate that.
To make amends, I thought after the case is over I'd ask you out for real.
Raymond? - Thanks for coming back in.
- We're happy to be here.
Of course, our offer must drop to 120 to cover our time.
- What?! - Jenny.
- That's just mean.
-120, 125 - It doesn't matter.
And unacceptable.
- They're too low.
- I can't follow who's talking.
- Just watch the screen.
We have a little surprise.
Hello, I'm Claire Otoms.
Ever get one of those annoying calls promising to cut your phone rates? If you're like me, you have.
- What is this? - A commercial we plan to run.
I decided to do something about it.
I sued them.
I fiiled a class-action suit and 72,000 possums- People havejoined in.
If you've had a bellyful of these companies and want to fiight back call this number.
You know what the phone companies are doing now? They're offering a service to protect you from harassment.
For $ 11 a month, they'll screen these calls.
Aren't they lovely? Believe what youjust saw? How about what youjust heard? The phone companies harass you, then charge you for protection.
Remember the bullies who took your milk money? It's the same thing.
If you'd like to join the fiight, call this 1-800 number which we'll pay for, by the way.
- Good, wasn't it? The public is ready to turn.
And Congress will be behind them.
This commercial might be the nudge.
We bought time for tomorrow night.
Wait, the phone companies offer to protect you against harassment - that they themselves commit? - Some do.
They're afraid if we put out the word with this video They're gonna settle.
I know it.
I do.
They can't risk the class getting bigger and we want an offer tonight.
Now, what about you - and the one they call Glenn? - I think we're in a neutral state because the relationship would be short-term.
- And with Jenny's feelings at stake- - But he has admitted to his desire? - No.
He hasn't.
- But a woman knows.
Well, it's like, I know I shouldn't, but I want it.
And I don't want it.
- It's beeping.
- It's my pager.
- John Cage.
- Is it important? Evidently.
- Did we have to come up to your office? - Yes, it's a semenal moment.
- Seminal! - Fine.
- Are you okay? - No.
Well, yes.
I'm just a little Cro-Magnon Raymond is interested in me.
I'm finding it tough contending with it in the middle of a case.
- Just between you and me? - Of course.
I think that Glenn is interested too.
He's not saying it, but I can feel it.
I'm just having a hard time.
Men think women like it when men are interested in them.
You know, it's not always the case.
What did you want to talk to me about? I'm interested in you.
That's funny.
I'm serious.
And rather than throw on a pair of glute trunks to try and impress you with muscles that aren't mine I decided to take the road less traveled one of simple maturity.
I'm being direct.
I love you.
Your nuance.
Your idealism.
Your beauty.
Your body.
Everything about you.
You're slightly nuts, but that's something we have in common.
I think that we could be a good couple.
I would like to try.
John, I'm I so wanna be loved by you.
But not in the way that you are interested in loving me.
Ordinarily, this would be where I retreat in humiliation.
But the stakes being what they are, I'm just going to ask, are you sure? And if so, why are you sure? John, I- I don't feel any physical passion for you.
I could be wrong, but sometimes that can be discovered.
You hardly know what you want in a man.
But I'm pretty good at recognizing what I don't want.
John, I- I think you are the most lovely man that I could ever hope to meet.
But I just can't love you in the way you're asking me to.
Well That's the trouble, I suppose, in coming at people with honesty.
They sometimes counter with it.
keep the ball rolling keep the ball rolling On your mark, get set Let the kissing start - I thought you rented out the bar.
- I did.
- Then who are all these people? - I rented them so you'd feel popular.
- Is the boy gonna sing for me? - He said he would.
One little kiss - He's on his way.
- Who? Simon McCalister.
He just paged me.
- Does he have an offer? - Let's go find out.
I just want to say I'm sorry.
Sorry for putting you in a difficult position.
Oh, well.
But I don't regret declaring myself.
Are you okay? Incredibly.
I feel wonderful.
I'm disappointed that you can't reciprocate my feelings but continuing to suppress them would have been much more malignant.
Really? Well You gotta figure, over 6 billion people on Earth.
What are the needle-in-a-haystack odds you'll find that soul mate? And consider the logic of coming across somebody who could be it and then keeping it to yourself.
- Do you want something? - Excuse me? - Do you want something? - Yeah.
Simon McCalister just returned with another offer.
- See you downstairs.
- Absolutely.
- This won't have any effect - Of course not.
but goodwill is hard to quantify.
Does a number go along with your goodwill? Our clients have reluctantly agreed to up our offer to $300,000.
- It's nonnegotiable.
- Excellent, it's nonnegotiable.
- Meeting's over.
- We'll go.
- They're all talking again.
- Simon, juries hate corporate giants.
- You and I know it.
Do you? - I do.
How you doing? Let's figure they pay each plaintiff $1000 for this harassment.
I'll tell you what, let's make it Even so, 500 times 72,000 is $36 million.
That commercial could triple our plaintiff base bringing the settlement to over 100 million.
That's why you're here.
Would you agree? I would.
How you doing? And $100 million seems like a lot of money except when you're a billion-dollar phone giant.
You know it.
Your client knows.
The jury will.
And juries just love to pinch Fortune 500 monopolies.
Fifteen million.
That's the number.
Works out to $208 per plaintiff assuming we don't run the ad and the class doesn't grow.
Two hundred and eight dollars, that's nothing.
All in at 15? All in.
Jam up andjelly tight Now you're out of sight You look a little naughty But you're so polite I- I just - I feel numb.
- You should.
That's the biggest settlement our firm has ever gotten.
And look at him.
He doesn't like to lose.
And it's not often he does.
He's good.
So is Glenn.
- Yeah.
They look kind of tight.
- Oh, yeah, well Yeah, they're freak-dancing.
Everyone gets tight.
- Maybe Glenn and she? - Wouldn't it be hard for you if he were to date someone from the same firm? A little bit.
But I could be friends with her.
I so wanna be close to whomever he ends up with.
Really? I wish you'd date him.
- How did the conference go? - Not bad.
- We got $200 per plaintiff.
- Think how their lives will change.
Ever see a grown man cry? Watch.
It is pretty amazing to change Yeah, not since the pope lifted the ban on meat did- You got a $15 million settlement? - We get a full contingency? - If the class signs on.
And we expect them to.
Here it comes.
- Wait one second.
- Richard, it's okay.
I'm just so happy for those nice people.
And we get 5 million.
It's the fact that we did some good here.
- Deep down, he's a philanthropist.
- I can see that.
Look, it's the boy.
My song.
Those fiingers in my hair That strips my conscience bare It's witchcraft And I've got no defense for it The heat is too intense for it What good would Common sense for it do? 'Cause it's witchcraft Wicked witchcraft And although I know It's strictly taboo When you arouse the need in me My heart says "Yes, indeed" in me Proceed with what You're leading me to It's such an ancient pitch But one that I'd never switch 'Cause there's no nicer witch Than you Than you Hey.
- Glenn.
- I just came up to get my stuff.
- Great song.
Ling liked it.
- I'm glad.
Walk you home? Actually, I have some stuff that I have to finish up.
You just packed your case.
Well- Listen, I lied.
Obviously, I am interested.
- With Jenny, it's just - I know.
I know.
I even encouraged Raymond to date you to protect myself against Well- Well, we just won a huge case and the euphoria of that- Sometimes we're attracted to people who are involved in our triumphs.
We just happen to be co-triumphees and as such, we probably have an exaggerated sense of - It would destroy Jenny.
- I know.
I lied when I told you I wasn't, and I thought I should- - Be honest.
- Yeah.
Well, I am gonna go.
Are you sure? I just don't trust myself to be walked home by you.
Jenny said that she wanted you to date a friend because that would be good for I think that she thinks that- - I can't do it to her.
- I know.
I can't do it either.
Are we gonna do it to her? No, we can't.
Of course, we can't.
- So I'm gonna go.
- Okay.
Glenn? You're a pretty great guy.
- John.
- Glenn.
- Good night.
- Night.
You stinker!
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