Almost Royal (2014) s02e07 Episode Script


1 NARRATOR: Poppy and Georgie Carlton are back.
Reporting live for "News Today", I am Nerissa Knight at a private airport in California where English aristocrats Poppy and Georgie Carlton have arrived on U.
NARRATOR: The royal siblings -- 70th and 71st in line to the English throne - I'm Poppy.
- Hello, Lisa Vanderpump.
are still being followed 24 hours a day by a documentary crew.
Georgie, we share a common name.
And this time, they're joining the ranks of the Internet generation.
Hello, investigative journalist Poppy Carlton here.
filming themselves as they embark on a cultural tour across the United States.
- Are you ready? - 3, 2 -- No, I'll do it.
I want to do it.
3, 2, 1 -- record.
as they investigate the subjects that define American life today.
Do all these people want a job and need a job? - Yes.
- That's hilarious.
I think I might find this quite easy.
So, why are you here in the United States? We're here to find out how Americans earn a crust.
Poppy's recently become a small English businesswoman, so she'll be looking for some inspiration, people with really good ideas that she can immediately take and pass off as her own.
Well, you heard it here.
I'm Nerissa Knight, today news for News Today.
3, 2, 1, record.
Today, we're going to be finding out all of the jobs that they are and how to get a job if you're an American, and you want a job more than you want to relax.
NARRATOR: Poppy and Georgie Carlton are taking a break from English high society to travel the United States exploring the subject of work.
Oh, look at those men working.
[LAUGHS] You keep going.
That's hilarious.
They have jobs for everything.
- Hi.
- Hello.
NARRATOR: First things first, Poppy and Georgie are meeting with a career advisor for some guidance.
Thank you for seeing us.
Oh, sure.
So, I understand you're looking for a job.
Or you're interesting in getting work here in the United States, correct? Theoretically get jobs in the United States, but not accidentally end up having a job in the United States.
What is it that you like to do? I like dancing, partying, being myself.
I like hunting.
I like looking at nature.
The thing about the United States, and you're working, a lot of times you can get a job, and it's something you enjoy doing.
So, for someone like you, perhaps getting into a fitness center or something, where you get out, or you train somebody, but you make money while you're doing it.
And one of the ways you can get things like that together is by creating what we would call the -- you guys call it the C.
We call it the résumé.
- We pronounce it resume.
- Okay.
Then you can do the resume, and what we would do to create the resume is, you could put your name at the top, the location, the phone number.
Could I write a C.
or a resume to do any job that I want? Sure.
So, if I wanted to be an astronaut, I could -- Sure.
What you would have to do first is you would have to find out what astronauts have to do.
So, they have to understand how to -- It's going around in space.
Well, but you'd have to understand the physics that would be involved with the airlessness and stuff.
You float around, and you go around in space and have a look at space.
I've seen films like "Apollo 13.
" Right, but they have to -- they have to educate themselves, and they have to get a certain amount of experience before they can get into NASA in Houston.
- What's NASA? - NASA is the -- Bruce Willis.
National AeroSpace Association.
It's here in the United States.
- He was the dad, wasn't he? - Pardon me? Bruce Willis, was he the dad in "Apollo 13"? - No.
- He's the chief.
He was one of the fellows on the ground.
He was one of the ground crew.
He'd be able to help Georgie out.
Well, he would be able to review it.
If he was not the decisionmaker, he would not be the person you would give the résumé to.
- But Bruce Willis could -- - Bruce Willis is an actor.
Bruce Willis couldn't help you get a job with NASA.
Could he pass it on to NASA? Probably not.
So, you can switch careers.
You can go from space boy to actor.
In "Apollo," Bruce Willis is an actor in a movie and had nothing to do with space.
It was.
It was all about space.
It was about space, but it was a movie about space.
They're two different things.
You have NASA over here, where you have people who have to learn engineering and physics.
NARRATOR: To help them understand the meaning of work, Poppy and Georgie are meeting busy entrepreneur and diligent reality television star Lisa Vanderpump.
Please, sit down.
Sorry, I won't get up 'cause Jigster's holding court at the table.
NARRATOR: First off, Georgie breaks the ice with Ms.
- Hello.
- Hello.
And what do you do for a living? I do so many things for a living.
Do you know anything about me? Have you watched my show or not? We've not seen the show, no.
We don't really watch television at all.
You don't watch any television? - No.
- Nothing? Not really.
Porno? Do you do anything? Nothing? I don't know about that.
No? Oh.
Well, I'm on a show, "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills," and then there's another show, a spin-off show, and it's called "Vanderpump Rules.
" Jiggy's on it, too.
I've done 160 episodes, so a lot of people know a lot about my life.
- Quite a lot.
- That's quite a lot of work.
The first thing you should do when you come to interview somebody, not that, but just giving you the heads up because I do many, many interviews, is you should probably do a little bit of research on the person that you're interviewing.
What's the worst job you've ever had? Um I suppose cleaning.
You have to clean your own restaurant? Well, sometimes, if somebody doesn't show up, then I jump in.
You know, like, yeah, yeah.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, it's terrible, but I can go to therapy and sort that out, you know.
Welcome to Studio Diner.
NARRATOR: Having spent some time talking about work, it's time for Poppy and Georgie to get their hands dirty in the service industry.
Georgie, you're actually gonna be in the back cooking, and Poppy, you're gonna be following me, and we're gonna be taking orders, all right? Oh, lovely.
So, basically, you're gonna take their drink orders, -their food orders.
- Like a dinner party? - Kind of.
- I can do that.
- Okay.
- I think I might find this quite easy.
Hello, everyone, I'm Poppy.
Thank you so much for coming.
And this is how you want -- do you have a -- or do people just sit in any order they want? 'Cause normally in Britain, it'd be boy/girl, boy/girl, and couples opposite each other.
But if you're all girls, I think this will be fine.
Oh, sorry, I'm so sorry.
Oh, that's perfect, then.
Boy, girl, girl.
I'll just wear one like that man who used to fiddle with children.
Give me some work.
I want to do a job.
It's hilarious.
Would you like something to drink? I'll do a coke.
Do we serve illegal substances? No, no, no, no, not that kind of coke.
Oh, okay.
This is going really well.
There we go.
Hey! Georgie! We're trying to see what it's like to work 'cause we don't have jobs at home.
Oh, you don't? Just don't need to.
Sorry, we don't have cafetiere.
Have you tried tea, English tea? - Yes.
- 'Cause it's a lot better, I have to say.
I just don't think the people realize here how dreadful the coffee is.
One more full order of biscuits on gravy! That's not food.
Georgie, there's something wrong with it.
It's got fish spawn on it.
I don't know what it is.
It's very American in here.
It looks like Uncle Robin's business, Georgie.
I'm so sorry about this.
I think someone's had an accident on it.
Oh, yeah.
Fruit bowl.
Fruit bowl! Fruit for Rupaul! So, Poppy, I think you're all done.
Thank you.
I want people to start waiting on me now.
Kid strippers! Shh! We're having a conversation! These are called kid strippers -- We're having a conversation! - Sorry about that.
- That's okay.
Poppy, I just want you to know you did a really good job today.
Thank you so much.
Do you think you're gonna work now? No, but I do realize that I am really good at hosting dinner parties, and I should have people round more.
Big fat beefy bun! Who's got the big fat beefy bun? Two kid strippers and a big fat beefy bun! NARRATOR: Poppy and Georgie are traveling the United States of America to find out more about the concept of work.
My legs hurt.
GEORGIE: Have a sit down.
I can't.
I'm being worked.
NARRATOR: Next up, they are meeting beekeeper Mark to experience work amongst the hives.
[BEE BUZZING] Okay, so what you do is, this is pair of coveralls.
So, you just step in there and be careful.
Is this like work clothes? Definitely kind of like work clothes.
I've never really worn work clothes.
You've never worn work clothes? Okay, then.
So, zip up the front.
I feel all working class.
Okay, so this is the hive, so you guys can stand all around here.
Take the lid off.
Bees! There's bees in there.
- Yes, there is.
- Oh, my gosh.
And so you can see here.
Let's see if we can find her royal highness, the queen.
Goodness, it's like a nightmare, Mark.
Are all queen bees shy? - Yes.
- 'Cause I'm a queen bee, but I'm not shy.
In my social group at school, everybody always bowed to me.
Well, she is the mother of all bees, and she has to be protected at all costs.
Well, they've left her.
She ran away from them because she's trying to get away from us.
NARRATOR: Disaster strikes.
Mark discovers that the queen is dead.
It's a tragedy, guys.
- Has she died? - Yes, she has.
[GASPS] She was crushed.
I bet you can replace the queen.
You can.
Because the lead singer of Queen died of AIDS.
A different kind of queen.
And do they want to chop your head off, now you've killed the queen? Yes, they are very upset we killed the queen.
Enough of the "we," Mark.
[LAUGHS] You were there.
I wasn't involved.
I didn't touch anything.
We go overboard when a queen dies, any royalty dies, in our country.
- Yeah.
- People will be doing mugs.
People will be saying that it was a conspiracy and that she -- that someone tried to kill her on a motorway or something, I don't know.
When we put the frames back in, she just ran into the frame and got squashed.
All those bees will be saying you work for the Chinese government, Mark.
[LAUGHS] That may be.
God save our queen our queen? bee You really should learn that properly, Poppy.
Oh, I have learnt it, and that's why I sang it.
You won't get back in the country if you don't know it.
They started testing people at the border.
You're the one that said it wrong because I was there saying it.
It's "our queen," not "the Queen.
" I was there! Well, she's my queen.
She may not be your -- You wouldn't even know a queen.
You don't make any sense when you're talking, anyway.
Go and piss yourself.
There's not much that would make me say that to you, but you getting the national anthem wrong, you can go in that corner, and you can wet your pants.
NARRATOR: Back with their guide, restaurateur Lisa Vanderpump, Poppy and Georgie explain what they have done so far.
We had a meeting before with a woman who helps with writing CVs and resumes.
She helped us compose them.
- Resumes? - Yeah.
Have you ever written a resume? No, but I've written some résumés.
- No? - Résumé sounds a bit French.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What's the most you would do to secure yourself -- secure yourself for a job? What, to get the job? Secure a job.
Yeah, what is the most you would do? I suppose sleep with somebody.
You know, like an acting business? A lot of people, that's how they get to the top.
- Is it? - Yeah.
You know when you see people get leads in films, and they shouldn't be there, and they shouldn't -- that's how they get it, so I guess I would do that if there was a big part up.
I guess I would do that, yeah.
- Who's done that? - Lots of people.
It's Hollywood.
That's what people do.
NARRATOR: Continuing their exploration into working life, Georgie, assisted by Poppy, is spending the day driving for Lyft, a new transport app based in California.
Welcome to the community, guys.
Thank you.
We don't really know what Lyft is.
Can you explain it in simple terms? Hop in the car, turn on your app.
When you get a passenger request, you'll see it on the phone.
Go pick up the passenger, and you'll be no your way.
And make sure to be friendly.
Beep beep! [HORN HONKS] Smile and wave, smile and wave.
- Hiya, I'm Georgia Carlton.
- Hi, Georgie.
Georgie, you're on the wrong side of the road! No, this is right, Poppy.
Don't scare me like that.
Do you have cash? - No.
- What?! It's all done through the app, girl.
Where would you like to go? I'd like to go to Dolores Park, please.
- Oh.
- Well, it's a beautiful day, you know, get a little sunshine.
[LAUGHS] Why are you laughing? Sorry.
Why are you laughing, Poppy? I don't know.
It's really funny.
- You're really funny.
- Yeah? Yeah.
You might have to be quiet because my sister, Poppy, is having a nap.
Why did you move to California? I've been here -- Be quiet, if you don't mind, 'cause Poppy's still asleep.
I've visited here a lot.
Georgie, can't we pull over, 'cause I want to sit in the back for a minute.
Sorry, Josh.
No, I -- it's quite all right.
Are you really good with car doors? I've operated a few.
What else are you good with? Pencil, paintbrush, I suppose.
Do you have a wife or girlfriend? No.
Is that because there's something wrong with you? - Georgie! - No, no, everything -- everything's all right.
Is everything in working order? Georgie, that's not your business.
You can answer, though, if you want.
[LAUGHS] She sleeps with nature sounds, Chris.
Do you know any jungle sounds? [IMITATING MONKEYS AND BIRDS] So, what are you going to do when you get to a destination? Sort of kick back and lay in the sun? [LAUGHS] Why are you laughing? - He's not even funny.
- He is funny.
Hey, I'm -- I'm actually pretty funny.
[IMITATING WIND HOWLING] That sounds like a coffee machine.
Do you like the sky? Do I like the sky? - Yeah.
- Yeah, the sky -- I would miss it if it were gone, I think.
Yeah, I was saying -- that's so weird.
We have got so much in common.
[LAUGHS] I was just thinking that.
This is making me feel sick, actually.
That's why I want less from you.
This whole conversation is actually making me feel sick, like I want to be sick all done my front and onto my trousers.
Nearly there, Josh.
Do you get grumpy, George? Josh, you better shut up! You better shut up.
I'm sorry.
This is the most impolite I've ever been, but you have pushed me to the chuffing edge today! What? I need a pen.
What are you doing? Georgie, no! There you go, there you go.
Get out of the chuffing car, Josh! Yes, I'm out! Thank you! "Ooh, Josh, I feel all floaty under my skirt.
" Father would turn over in his grave if we hadn't burnt him.
You are behaving like an absolute harlot.
[LAUGHS] Would you rather do your job now and get paid nothing, or pick up dog poo for eight hours every day, but get paid $1 million every day? Oh, I'd pick up dog poo.
I'd do anything for a million dollars a day.
- Really? - Oh, God, I'd lie on my back with my legs in the air for a million dollars.
Are you kidding me? Yeah, I would go for the dog poo.
NARRATOR: Poppy and Georgie are traveling around America, investigating the subject of work.
As people from an upper class, now and again, we should probably say thank you to the working classes, otherwise, they tend to get a bit uppity, don't they? Revolution.
Yeah, but now and again, you just have to say, "Oh, thank you so much for doing all this work that we're employing you for.
" They go, "Oh, well, master, I appreciate the thanks.
" It's carrot and stick, Poppy.
You feed them stick for years, then now and again, - you slip a bit of carrot in.
- Is that what it is? Yeah.
NARRATOR: Still unemployed, the royal siblings have come to a career fair where there are hundreds of jobs on offer.
This place looks absolutely dreadful.
Can you believe that all of these people actually want to work? How can I help you today? We're here finding out about work in America.
We have 30 companies here actively hiring.
Goodness, and so do all of these people -- are there because they want a job and need a job? - Yes.
- That's hilarious.
You have people here who have been unemployed for years looking for a job because they need to pay their rent, and they don't know where the money's coming from.
Yeah, what changed their mind if they're having such a nice time not having a job? Why would they suddenly want to get one? Because they don't want to be homeless.
Living in the streets is not attractive.
I think it depends on the streets, maybe.
Living in the streets in the cold is not attractive.
So, very good.
Are you comfortable in talking to the employers yourself? Do you need some help? Yeah, we're really good at mingling.
I've been to a lot of parties, yeah.
- Good, okay.
- I'll be honest with you, Karen.
I usually just stand there, and then people come to me.
Yeah, no.
You need to be interactive.
This is about you taking control, and you being the one going up to employers and initiating the conversation.
Brother and sister.
Okay, Poppy, you lead the way.
Watch me get a job.
We are finding out how to get a job in the U.
workplace, and I was wondering if I could show you my resume.
It's just -- that's my resume, I've just got my best asset on there.
What do you think? I don't see your actual, like, working experience.
But you can tell in the face -- you can see by the eyes that she'd be good.
What type of position are you looking for? I want to be a professional YouTube meta-girl.
I'm sorry? I've never seen so many tables at a party - with no food or drink.
- Yeah.
Let's talk to this woman here.
What's your name? - Jarida.
- Lovely.
I work as a promotions director.
We're looking for people that are out there helping us promoting or a job, as well, and -- Hello, I'm Georgie.
That's my brother, Georgie.
- Hello.
- Hi, nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
What would be your dream job? Being in TV and radio for more -- You should be on TV.
[LAUGHS] Why are you suddenly looking so sweaty? - Sorry? - You're sweating.
No, we were just having a good joke, weren't we? Yeah [SIGHS] Thank you very much to the folks, in this direction, thank you, I'd just like to say, I've had such a pleasurable time visiting this wonderful event.
I think what we all need to learn is that when it comes to the workplace, children are very much our future.
Now, a lot of people get a little bit funny about child labor and things like that, but I can assure you that if they get rigorous training, then the product will be quality.
Also, they have smaller hands, which means they can steal less, and you don't have to worry about maternity pay.