Alpha Males (2022) s02e10 Episode Script

The One Time We're All Together

[classical music playing]
Villa Sunset from Thursday to Sunday,
a long weekend.
Look at that view. Should I book it?
Hell no. I'm not going to Ibiza, dude.
We're way too old for that.
No, I meant like an old guys' getaway.
Go with ladies.
And the kids can come too.
No, not the kids, no.
Nothing more deconstructed
than going to Ibiza with your partner.
And we should celebrate
that we're all coupled up again.
You're back with Daniela.
I'm back with Luz.
You're still with Esther, and you
- [groans]
- [Raúl] You're trans.
So bring your inner woman.
[groans] To be honest,
I mean, going offline and getting away
from this shitstorm might be good for me.
Well, damn, Santi agrees
with our plan. [laughs]
You guys can all go right ahead.
Esther and I have to work.
So, ask for a few days off
for family issues.
We've already used them all up.
You have to go on leave for mental health.
Say you're sad about
getting ignored at crosswalks.
If you want, I'll hit you with my scooter.
- [chuckling]
- I'll go ask Esther and let you know.
- Pussy-ass.
- Patriarchal.
Come on. Let's go.
We're forgetting how to have fun.
This could be the last time
we all get to go on vacation.
What, why?
What if the Chinese send over
another pandemic and we perish?
[Pedro exhales]
We're going to Ibiza.
- Ibiza again? No. No, no, no, no.
- With the girls, the whole group of us.
Okay, then.
I'd kill for a vacation right now.
[Iris] You're hurting me!
What do we do with the kids?
The kids are not coming.
Oh, no. That wouldn't be a vacation.
- [Iris] Stop it! Mom!
- Who can babysit them for four days?
If I did a squat every time they yelled
"Mom," I'd have an ass like Beyoncé.
- Should we dump them on your sister?
- [Iris] Mom!
She can't. She's got a boob job next week.
- Oh. Uh, well, then.
- [Iris] Mom!
- Luis, there's only one option.
- [Ulises] Got you! What now?
960 euros to look after the kids
for four days.
We're getting robbed.
Ninety-six hours at ten bucks
an hour. That's just market price.
- They're your grandkids.
- They're a pair of demons.
No, stop right there.
Ulises is a little confused
because of prepubescence.
- But Iris is a sweetheart.
- No less than 800.
Isn't it better if I just Venmo you?
Someone might steal your purse.
No, cash. Otherwise, your dad'll find out.
All right, enjoy yourselves.
You both deserve it.
You should've haggled her down
more than that.
With that money,
we could have gone to Paris.
No, no, not Paris, no.
Hey, I'll help you.
Where's the truck? They on lunch break?
- Hey, I got it.
- Huh?
Wow! My coin collection binder.
- You're storing this, aren't you?
- No, why?
Hey. Santi.
- [chuckles] How are you? I'm Isra.
- Fine, and you?
Well, a lot to do here.
Blanca mentioned you play the paddle.
Maybe we can have a game sometime.
- Can you excuse us a minute? Thank you.
- [Isra] Yeah. I'll be right here.
Blanca, what the hell is going on?
Who is that guy?
Isra. My body number 15.
It's 'cause his wife caught us,
and she kicked him out.
Wait, listen.
He was gonna leave her, but everything
got out of control really quick.
Blanca, but we agreed
that you were gonna move out.
- Not start bringing people
- It'll be for a few days. That's it.
Then why are you opening boxes?
Honey. Chewie. Where can I put her?
What the hell?
That's his first pet. He loves that dog.
And my grandpa was a taxidermist.
[Blanca chuckles] Hang on a sec, Isra.
Hey, guess we have a dog now. [chuckles]
- Blanca, this Sunday I'm going to Ibiza.
- [exhales]
When I get back, I don't wanna see
that coin collector, taxidermist weirdo
in my house anymore. Hmm?
For a woman, you really lack empathy.
What, another trip
for pathetic 40-year-olds, hmm?
Uh, no, wiseass.
I'm going with my friends,
but it'll be chill.
And they're bringing their partners.
Oh, cool. And who are you going with?
You're inviting us to Ibiza?
You're serious? What's going on?
Yeah, I guess we're just growing up.
Who knows?
I don't know, hon, going on vacation,
given how things are between us,
it feels like
you're shooting yourself in the foot.
It's kind of like an anti-stress retreat
to improve the quality of my semen.
Pedro, in the hypothetical scenario,
which right now it is hypothetical,
that you and I have a child together,
we'll get a donor, and that's that.
It's an option, but I think
it's like entering a genetic lottery.
Sort of like
we're raising some stranger's kid.
No, if we go to London, it's not.
Over there, you can choose the donor
in a catalog, like with cars.
[chuckles] So, you've done research
on it all.
It's something
that concerns me quite a lot.
[exhales] Yeah, but, um, I think it's best
to discuss this on the beach over mojitos.
Do not ruin the trip, please.
That's all I'm asking you.
Oh, I'll be so good. You'll see.
This'll do wonders for my semen.
Shut up about your semen.
Hey, we're taking Patricia with us, right?
- Why?
- I'm not leaving those two alone.
[scoffs] Too late for that.
You're bringing all this for four days?
My toiletry bag, hairdryer,
and straightener take up a lot of room.
Straightener? I'm just gonna wear
a ponytail.
[whistles] We're going to Ibiza, people!
- [Raúl] Hmm.
- They're bringing their maid, too?
We won't have to do any chores.
God, you're also bringing
your whole wardrobe, Daniela?
All my looks, all my things.
Should have told us you were
checking luggage. That changes everything.
- I bet you're gonna lose them.
- No, dude. I'd die.
- Thank you.
- Patri, we'll be back on Monday.
- I'll miss you, my love.
- [chuckles]
- God damn.
- [Santi] Excuse me! Hey!
Excuse me, excuse me.
Right here. Thanks. Here we are.
The taxi took a while 'cause the driver
made a comment that I felt wasn't
Well, uh, doesn't matter.
We said no kids, dude.
- I'm 18, you dumbass.
- Álex.
- See? Now I feel like a bad mother.
- [both click tongue]
Hey, man. Dude,
can you get me another beer?
More wine, these cups are small.
- You're gonna get me in trouble, you guys.
- [Luis] Here you go.
Influ-lady, you're not eating
those sandwiches, are you?
She wouldn't dream
of eating anything containing butter.
- [sighs] The maid is in business class.
- Mm.
I guess we're just being stingy.
Why spend all that money
for a 50-minute flight?
[Luis] Hmm.
I hope their bags get lost.
Love it, fellow travelers,
you know? [laughs]
Father and daughter
having a little quality time.
Because the truth is,
I should say it more often,
but I really love you, honey.
And, you know, I think it all the time.
I do. I wanna tell you.
Like, I kind of feel embarrassed
to tell you,
but that's what I really feel.
I love you more than words can express.
- My God!
- [all laughing]
- Pretty incredible!
- God damn!
- Holy shit!
- Fucking amazing!
Check this out. Long live the first world.
- Sorry.
- [Luis] Now that's some swimming pool.
It's a lot bigger than yours.
- It's the same.
- Saltwater pool.
That's stupid. The sea's right there.
Should we pick our bedrooms? Go!
Luis, hurry!
Relax. I bet they're all the same size.
No, no, they're not the same at all.
We got the room for twin boys.
- Hey, it's not that bad.
- My God!
Hey, can we please switch rooms with you?
- No.
- You aren't supposed to be having sex.
Move the nightstand
and put the beds together.
It's not like we'll even be here
that much. The room's for sleeping.
I wanna see how the kids are doing.
What? No, they're at school right now.
Forget about the kids, all right?
This time's for us.
All right, that's true.
That's true. Is there wine here?
Honey, we've been
in parent-mode for so long
that we've forgotten
how to function as a couple.
And that's the cause of all our problems.
Like your affair with that gym trainer.
Are you ever gonna forgive me?
Hmm, don't think so.
- That's just an example.
- Okay.
We're heading out
for lunch by the beach. Come on!
Oh, yeah, a grungy little beach bar
with wine spritzers
and fried seafood platters. Oh!
- [dance music playing]
- [cheering]
I don't think
they serve wine spritzers here.
What are all these people
celebrating? Are those the Kardashians?
Twenty-five euros
for a Margherita pizza? Are you serious?
- Let's get some sangria.
- Champagne sangria.
- Champagne, what for?
- To celebrate we're all together for once.
I'll pay for the house.
The rest, show tits.
- Patriarchal.
- Okay, then we show our dicks.
Hey, that reminds me.
What exactly did Ángela do to you?
- Why bring that up now?
- Oh, my brain heard "dick." That's all.
She invited him over to her house,
claiming it was for work,
and then she asked for a foot massage.
No, she didn't ask at all.
She just put her feet in my lap.
Yeah, right. That's harassment?
That's just flirting, honestly.
[Santi] Shift it around.
Imagine you and your male boss are on
your way to a meeting, and he gropes you.
She groped you?
Well, she just touched my leg.
[Raúl] She spilled coffee on him
just so he'd have to change
his shirt in front of her.
[Luis] She gave him a shirt,
gave the option
of changing in the men's room.
She's just being nice. My boss
won't give me a new air freshener.
Is that the only reason
why they fired her?
I told him to give her a regular fuck.
- But he wouldn't listen.
- Uh, what? Hmm, a regular fuck?
- Or
- I don't know. I think they exaggerated.
- I'm just shocked by all of you.
- [Santi] Harvey Weinstein, he's a monster.
But if it's a woman, it's flirtation?
It wasn't feet
Harvey Weinstein put on their laps.
How many female rapists
do you know, Santi?
- Is that relevant?
- Can we talk about something else?
I suggest that we don't argue, okay?
We've been on the island for two hours.
So no talking about sexism, feminism,
or anything else that ends in "ism."
That's right. Let's just talk less
and drink more.
Still waiting on our sangria.
Hey, psst! Yo, hey!
Plan for tomorrow. We'll hire a yacht,
sail out to Formentera.
- Come on. A yacht?
- Jimmy says a client canceled.
He'll give it to us for half price.
- What about the fuel? They burn a lot.
- It'll be cheap, split between everyone.
How about we get some sun on the beach?
- We could rent a pedal boat with a slide.
- [Raúl] I can sail it.
- We don't need a skipper.
- No, we need a skipper. Yeah. [chuckles]
We could even play beach volleyball.
- Tell him yes. Let's have some fun.
- I already told him.
- Seriously, you brought a book to Ibiza?
- Check it out, true love. Hmm?
Move, asshole! You're not hot enough
to be in the picture.
If we change the locks and just squat here
for a year, what do you think'll happen?
I don't know.
You tell me. You're the lawyer.
[Luz] Mm.
I made us a batch of good old regular,
no-champagne sangria.
It's a lot nicer and way cheaper.
You gonna be drinking
the whole time we're here?
We're on vacation, hon.
- Dad, I'm heading out. Got a date.
- Hmm? Who with? What are you
- Love you.
- But hey, hey! I love you too.
Honey, yes, but but send me
your location in real time, okay?
- It'll drain my battery.
- Yeah, but, honey, uh
Who does she know in Ibiza?
They're talking about Mr. Santiago
on the television.
[Raúl] Santiago's on TV.
But after identifying as a woman,
they keep calling themselves Santiago?
- Where are you taking that?
- Gimme a break.
If you say you're a woman, you're a woman.
- I mean, this guy's really got some nerve.
- We should respect his gender.
[man] If I start telling people
that I feel like a squid,
you have to respect me.
Address me as a mollusk.
Just a moment, everyone.
The program has looked into this story,
and it looks as though this woman,
Santiago Peralta,
as an act of revenge,
leaked an intimate video
of a female coworker who rejected him.
- It wasn't for revenge, damn it!
- [woman] I think he's messing with us.
What does sexual orientation
have to do with gender identity?
[woman] In fact,
he has an active profile on Tinder,
where he describes himself
as the following.
"A man who is crunchy
on the outside, soft on the inside."
We spoke to Lorena,
one of his past Tinder dates.
- That was all Álex.
- [woman] What do you think of Santiago?
- [Lorena] Your typical sexist pig.
- Fuck!
I mean, not once during our date did he
tell me he considered himself a woman.
They're really going overboard
with this, hmm?
Don't take it so hard.
- [Luz] Santi.
- Yeah.
- Wanna smoke? I brought some weed.
- Not what I need now. No.
You brought that on the plane?
- Mm-hmm.
- Good thing we didn't go to Thailand.
- You'd get 20 years.
- [cell phone rings]
Marisa, what's going on?
[Marisa] "Crunchy on the outside
and soft on the inside." Seriously?
Okay, it's just that my Tinder was run
by my daughter.
- She made that up because
- Santi, please just tell me the truth.
Are you a woman or not?
Mm, well, I feel
like I'm more gender-fluid.
Go find yourself another lawyer, asshole.
We've had to fight too long
for some sneaky jackass like you
to come and take advantage
of our hard-earned rights.
- [line clicks, beeps]
- Marisa? Mari
Holy shit.
Fuck it. Mm. You
[coughing] Oh, shit.
Do you take inclusivity cases?
Santi, you're not a woman.
Uh, how do you know that?
What is a woman? Hmm?
Don't be such a TERF.
We got a plan.
Jimmy got us a table at Roto this evening.
Everybody go get dolled up.
[Santi] God damn it!
So we're not spending the evening here?
We could have dinner and play Pictionary.
Relax a little, my love.
Stop complaining and enjoy.
Luis, we're gonna have
to take out a fucking loan.
So we'll take out a loan. [grunts]
Patri, you don't need to cook.
We're going out for dinner tonight, okay?
Well, okay, yes. Make spinach omelets
for the boat tomorrow.
You're coming, right?
Who, me? I can't swim.
Just soak in some rays, like a queen.
You know, vitamin D
is very good for the baby.
Uh, hon? Can we talk for a quick second?
What's the matter?
[Daniela] Oh, God. When the hell was this?
No, this is live video. Stefan is screwing
someone right now on our sofa.
Hmm. Wait, wait!
Isn't that the neighbor's housekeeper?
I don't care who it is.
This guy's a piece of shit.
[Daniela exhales]
What do we do now?
What do we do?
Hey, Stefan! Hey, man, you're fired!
No, don't fire him now.
He might steal some of our things!
No, you're not fired,
but you and I need to talk soon.
I meant, what are we gonna do
about Patri? She's crazy in love.
Right, and crazy pregnant.
[sighs] Maybe she won't want
to raise a kid alone.
You keep insisting that she shouldn't
have it, but it's none of our business.
Yes, it is.
We're the ones paying for her wedding.
And the divorce. Luz has got it covered.
I would tell Patri.
Look, let's go have dinner
and think it all over.
I'm gonna shower. I don't want them
to use up all the hot water.
Hey, Stefan, not in the garage either!
[Stefan panting]
Should've warned us. My God, I look like
their housekeeper, for fuck's sake.
- I think you look great, hon.
- Luis, they're all wearing stilettos.
Look at my feet. I'm here
in wedge sandals like my grandma.
It's just a question of self-confidence.
I think we look good. Yeah.
Those guys at the swingers' club
didn't think so.
Would you lose the attitude already?
This is costing us an arm and a leg,
and you've been grumpy all day long.
[muffled dance music playing]
- Who are you calling at this hour?
- I wanna make sure the kids are in bed.
- [Luis sighs]
- [line rings]
Whose idea was it
to give this girl a makeup kit?
How are things going, Mom?
I should've never lowered my rate.
Put the kids to bed now. It's late.
Don't you dare question
my ability as a grandmother, okay?
- Mom, we love you.
- [beeps]
You see? Everything's fine.
Will you relax now
and try to enjoy yourself a little?
My God.
I'm finding it hard.
- To life!
- Cheers!
- [glasses clink]
- I love you, assholes!
[Luis] Bottoms up, another round.
Turn that frown upside down.
Let's see how much they charge.
Champagne with sparklers,
a guaranteed rip-off.
[Santi] Uh, hi, Álex,
you never sent me your location.
You're not answering my messages, hmm?
Are you alive? I don't know.
Come on, dude. Leave your daughter alone.
She's an adult now.
So you think
18-year-olds don't get kidnapped?
Hey, have you decided
to tell Patricia or not?
How would you guys handle it?
Here's to Stefan. What a guy! [laughing]
I wouldn't tell her.
[Luz] Maybe an open relationship.
Those two? I don't think so.
- You're gonna fire him, right?
- You better believe it.
You know, unless he says
that he feels like a woman.
- Again, bro?
- [Daniela] She's so in love.
[Pedro] She's not in love.
They've been together two months.
- She's a bitch in heat.
- Patriarchal.
She's infatuated.
- And what's the difference?
- That's what's so dangerous. Can't tell.
[Raúl] We got a plan.
Jimmy got us a table
at Pacha nightclub for drinks later on.
Oh, so, we're going out?
You old farts, we're in Ibiza!
- I'm down.
- [Pedro] Me too.
[Santi] We're sailing in the morning.
You can take a nap
on the high seas tomorrow.
Santiaga, don't speak.
I'll go get us another bottle, okay?
- I bet it'll be with sparklers.
- This doesn't happen all the time.
- [laughing]
- [chattering]
[dance music playing]
[Esther] My God, you're amazing!
[laughing continues]
[Pedro] Yeah. Yeah!
Come on! The water's warm!
- [Esther] I love you.
- Ooh!
[ship horn blows]
Dear God, I feel like a dead man walking.
My fucking neck hurts like hell.
So, how's the sea looking?
We can't cancel it now?
Come on, guys.
We'll drop anchor and have a swim.
We're gonna feel good as new.
The sea heals everything.
Right here, this is it.
- Holy shit.
- [Esther splutters] I I
I don't think
this boat ride thing is a good idea.
[man] Good morning.
You sure?
[Esther chuckles]
I can't take that. I'm pregnant.
- [cork pops]
- Cheers!
What a pain in the ass! Really? Dick!
Hey, sweetie, no!
Come on, what are you doing?
Don't take that off, come on.
Breasts are often sexualized.
- But they aren't actually sexual organs.
- I don't care.
Just don't show
my friends your boobs. Come on.
[Esther] This is pretty damn awesome.
Why wasn't I born rich, huh?
Wanna ask him to take his shirt off?
Hey, hon! You want some lotion?
No, no, don't ask him
to take anything off.
I don't really like how this guy sails.
Too much rocking around.
I could've done it better than him.
Luis, can you take a photo for Facebook?
- Luis, come on!
- [Luis] Coming!
- [laughing] Hey.
- [chuckles]
- Here, I'll take one of the two of you.
- Oh, yeah.
Oh, no, no, no.
Let Luis take a picture of us.
- But, uh
- Tomás, aren't you hot in that shirt?
I'll take a little dip later.
[Luis] Fourteen missed calls
from the kids' school?
I've got 19.
Why do they call you more than me?
I'm the mother.
They must assume I'm more responsible.
- Hmm. Well, they got that wrong.
- [line rings, beeps]
[Erika] Hello, Esther.
Erika, hi there. What's going on?
Two boys were fighting
over Iris during recess.
It seems that these two and a third from
another classroom are all her boyfriends.
Uh, right. Well, having several
boyfriends is typical at that age.
Well, then you grow up
and they hate you, you know.
[chuckles] I don't know.
Sure, but what isn't normal is for Iris
to say she's in an open relationship,
just like her parents.
Uh, uh, she said that, huh?
[laughing] That's great.
Well, she must've heard that from us.
Yeah, it's because we made a decision not
to uphold the monogamous,
traditional model of partnership,
which we consider very patriarchal,
and that's the reason I attempted
to kiss you that one day.
I haven't had the opportunity
to explain to
- You tried to fuck the teacher?
- She was sending out signals.
- Excuse me.
- [Luis] You were touching your hair.
- Embarrassing.
- Could we continue talking about Iris?
Yes, because you don't call
30 times over a playground fight.
One of the kids attacked
another one with a stick earlier.
[inhales] He's been taken to the hospital.
He's in surgery now.
They're trying to save the child's eye.
Well, I think that that the problem
has more to do with the boys
and their masculinity. Very toxic, right?
They're all mini sexist pigs.
We'll be sure to talk to her, Erika.
Don't worry about it, okay?
- [phone beeps]
- [sighs] We better go back to Madrid.
[slurps] What are you saying?
We're on vacation here.
Relax and enjoy yourself. Hmm?
Say you're one of those non-binary folks.
No way. I'm a big fraud.
A shark can bite my dick off,
and I wouldn't die in peace.
What would we put on the tombstone?
Man or woman?
Just say "rest in peace." More inclusive.
[mocking laughter]
- I'm gonna see if the rice is ready.
- Rice? We already have spinach omelets.
How about you live a little, Santi?
[all cheering]
You having a good time, Patri?
- I told you. No big deal.
- [laughs]
It's just too bad
that we couldn't bring Stefan.
- Stefan. Um
- [sighs]
Thought I should ask, Patri.
So you've thought this through?
No, I mean, because, um,
falling in love and infatuation
are two concepts that sometimes,
mm, get confused a little, you know?
Walter Manuel really loves you.
I love Stefan. He's the love of my life.
I'm his princess.
Yeah, yeah, uh, but the problem here
is that a prince sometimes
can get distracted a little.
And when the princess leaves the palace
Our love is pure.
The two of us are twin souls.
Or triplets.
Triplet souls? I don't understand.
The Bulgarian's cheating on you.
On my sofa.
[laughs] Impossible.
I didn't want to, but
Patri, where where are you going?
Where are you going? Patri!
[gasps] Patri! Pedro!
- Pedro! Help!
- [ship powers off]
- [Raúl] Tomás! Help!
- Pedro!
- Man overboard!
- Patriarchal.
[Daniela] Jump in and get her.
I can't see her.
- Did you tell her?
- [Luis] Wait, what's going on?
- Patri!
- Why the hell did you tell her?
[Luis] Who are we talking about?
- [panting]
- You're gonna put the flippers on? Really?
What if she's sunk already?
- Luis, go after her.
- [Raúl] I'll jump. I got it.
I'll guide you from up here.
- She's gonna drown. Help!
- [Luis] But is she wearing a life jacket?
- Go, honey, hurry.
- Going.
- [shouts]
- Patricia!
[Daniela] Honey, go, go!
[Luis] Hey, where are you going?
- [Santi] Wait up! Wait!
- [Luis] Watch out!
Over there. Hurry! See?
She can't swim. Get her.
- I don't see her anywhere. Don't see her!
- I can't see her!
- Patri!
- Patricia!
- [Santi] Hey!
- I'm going in!
[gasping, shouting]
[Pedro] Patricia!
- Oh, shit. Where'd they go?
- I don't see her.
[all cheering]
- I can't believe it.
- Oh, my God! She's fine.
- [Pedro] Patricia!
- I can't see her! I can't see her!
Agh! My legs are cramping.
God damn it! Oh, God, a jellyfish.
Oh, no, never mind. It's just a condom.
Oh, God, that's gross!
Hey, he's got her. Come back. Hurry.
I gave her ZzzQuil pills,
and they knocked her out.
ZzzQuill? But isn't she pregnant?
Stress is just as bad for the baby.
Come on, if it weren't for Tomás,
we'd still be out there
with the coast guard divers.
So why didn't you girls jump in?
- Equality when it fucking suits you.
- I'm out. Got a date now.
Another date?
Weren't we gonna spend time together?
- Dad, we've been together all day long.
- You've been sleeping.
Love you. Bye.
God. Who is she going out with
all the time?
She's never been here.
I still think we should go home right now.
That child could lose an eye 'cause
of our daughter's open relationship.
What are you,
a pediatric eye surgeon? Hmm?
How are you gonna help?
If you run someone over,
see them at the hospital.
[Esther] Excuse me? Your daughter
drove the road test examiner into a ditch.
She's still in the hospital,
and Álex didn't go see her.
You had an accident?
But she said it was postponed.
Yeah, she showed up to the test drunk.
It was your fault because you told
her to drink some beer before the test.
- What?
- I told her to drink one, so she'd relax.
So, you almost killed
my daughter? I'm freaking out now.
Let's not get confused now. Come on.
No, I think it's the right time
to address the elephant in the room, hmm?
- What elephant?
- The one here with the drinking problem.
- Me?
- Or am I the only one who thinks this?
Are you saying I'm an alcoholic?
Santi, we're in Ibiza.
The only ones not drinking here
are the fish.
What are we doing tonight?
I'm gonna call Jimmy.
No, no, leave Jimmy alone.
Every time you call him,
it costs us another 500 euros.
- [Raúl groans]
- Why don't we just stay in tonight?
We can order pizza
and play some Pictionary.
I'm with you.
How about we watch your new pilot,
eh, Pedro? He hasn't let me watch it.
Also like that plan.
It's not worth watching now.
It's only the first cut.
We gotta fix the audio
That's fine. Sounds like fun.
All right, then,
pizza and the premiere of Alpha Males.
- [woman] Fuck! I wanna fuck!
- [man] Raquel, just drink some coffee.
[man 2] This is bullshit, man. I thought
our relationship was going great.
[man] You mean how you cheated on her,
while she only slept with you?
[man 2] The good ole days.
[man] Son of a fucking bitch,
she seriously fucked her trainer?
What a bitch. And here I was,
encouraging her to go to the gym.
I can't fucking believe it.
[man 3] Let it all out, man, but please,
can you lose the patriarchal tone?
[man 2] Finally.
The testosterone's kicking in now.
[woman 2] You know what's better?
Besides making tons of money,
I'm actually having fun.
No, I'm the fucking shit now.
- Maybe that's pissing you off.
- [man 4] What?
[woman 2] Gotta be a real man
to be with a successful woman.
[man 4] The attention
isn't doing you any good.
[woman 2] Attention
you're not getting isn't either.
Dude, stop chewing my ear off.
You could deconstruct a fucking sandwich.
No one is gonna deconstruct
my masculinity.
[man 3] You're such an old fart.
I think we were happier
when we just talked about bullshit.
[man 3] Hey, you know
what this group needs? A gay friend.
What'd I say?
Like I said, it's only the first cut.
It's not final.
- So you really think I'm that stupid?
- Honey, it's fiction.
No, no, it's not fiction.
That's obviously us.
So I'm the horny drunk lady in this story?
I'm the cheated-on idiot.
Does the studio pay you to write stories
or to tear down your friends?
I'm not saying I didn't get inspiration
from a personal anecdote on occasion.
On occasion? Those are our lives,
Pedro, like word for word.
[Raúl] When we're talking to each other,
we'll have to be like,
"Watch out, here comes Pedro."
- I feel my character is the shit.
- It's not your character. It's fiction.
If you're gonna use our lives,
you should pay us.
It would help all this go down easier.
- Nobody's gonna know it was you.
- So you're admitting it.
- I'm not!
- That douchebag is me? No way.
Hey, Pedro, the basis
of friendship is trusting each other.
And being able to share personal stuff
without showing it on television!
And I don't have a problem with alcohol.
Come on, please. Come on, guys.
Let's all let's all
calm down a little. Hmm?
Pedro has paid us all an homage.
He's immortalized
our boring, insignificant existence.
- I have over a million followers.
- Paid for, from what people say.
So what? Friendship is
all about sharing, you know?
- And that's it. Come on.
- All right, let's do some sharing then.
I'd like to share
with Daniela that Pedro wanted
to inseminate her
with his brother's semen.
But uh, from Fede?
No, I swear I ruled him out straightaway.
Have you lost your mind or what?
You're giving me
a hard time for using a sperm bank,
and you wanted to get me pregnant
from your dumbass brother?
- Wow!
- She can sue you for that.
Daniela, please don't. I'll kill you!
Hey, take notes, 'cause this'll be
your new material for season two.
Did you fuck anyone else besides Carmen?
What? No, my love, it's fiction.
Oh, so now it's fiction.
You're no saint either, okay?
We can talk about
your thing with the father and son.
Oh, yes. Your friend shared that with me.
- And Raúl got his cock sucked by a dude!
- Uh, uh, I didn't uhh
- Couples shouldn't have secrets.
- Getting out of hand.
Call Jimmy to find out
where we're going tonight.
I know she said it just to hurt me,
but I don't even care, okay?
Because I have an open-minded girlfriend
Are you gay, Raúl?
Hmm, no, no,
hetero-curious, but it was only a phase.
Okay, just what I needed to hear.
You screwed that other girl
in our threesome.
You did everything you wanted to.
- [Luz] Not the same.
- [Raúl] Matriarchal!
- There's no such thing!
- There should be!
- Your mother! Hi, sweetie.
- Hey, let's keep it civil.
[Iris] Boys at school
were fighting over me.
Uh, it's just, um, listen, honey,
we wanted to talk to you about that.
Because Mom and Dad have an open
relationship, which is a grown-up thing
What do you mean, open relationship?
That's disgusting.
Iris, not when Grandma's listening.
If you don't like each other anymore,
get a divorce.
- You're getting a divorce?
- Honey, honey, no, no.
Tell your tell your mother
to just shut up, damn it!
- Mom, shut up!
- No!
I just can't believe
that I gave you another chance
and now you have the fucking nerve
to go off again and make fun of me.
No, we both gave
each other a second chance.
- You're the one who wrote to me.
- You sent me a message first.
Pedro, come on,
I have the texts right here, hon.
- Me too. Look here.
- [Santi] Let's see.
- Well, that's it. She's pissed off.
- Shh!
Thanks for tonight. Marvelous, guys.
Look at the mess
with this open marriage bullshit.
You said you were dying of boredom.
- Well, I don't want it. I'm stressed out.
- I feel the same way.
- You didn't say anything.
- Could have said something.
Shh! Hold on. They're trying to find out
who looked more desperate. Come.
Ha! Right here.
[splutters] Wait,
where did that "hello" come from?
- I didn't write that.
- You did.
- No.
- [Patricia] It was me.
- [Daniela] Patri?
- You love each other.
But you're both so stubborn.
She scrubs, cooks for you,
and reconciles for you.
She's the best maid ever. [laughs]
[door opens]
[judge sighs] All right. Let's see.
Which case is this?
- Oh.
- Right here, Your Honor.
Santiago Peralta
against Ubi Ubizkuo, LLC,
for wrongful dismissal.
- That right?
- The guy who says he's a woman.
- [judge] Don't you have a lawyer?
- Uh, no.
[clears throat] No need for that,
Your Honor.
I'd like to withdraw all charges.
- Is that how you say it?
- Mr. Peralta. Mr. or Mrs.?
Mister, Your Honor.
That's what I wanted
to explain here to the bench today.
I mean that so, about a year ago,
my friends and I enrolled in a course
about the deconstruction of masculinity,
with Patrick Garay,
great guy, and it's the best.
I recommend it to everybody. Hmm.
Uh, so, the thing is that all of us
are still processing these concepts.
For example, what is a man?
Or what is a woman?
No. It seems easy at first,
but it gets complicated.
- Mr. Peralta, I
- No, no, no, I'm getting there.
I'm almost done. I swear.
The thing is we had to reassess
everything we knew. Absolutely everything.
[Luis] Hang in there, kid.
You're gonna be all right.
High five.
- [Santi] The way we speak, how we think.
- [sobbing]
[Santi] The way
we interact with our partner,
how we bring up our children.
He's one-eyed.
I don't like him. Gonna dump him.
Wait until the school year's done.
It's almost over.
Mom, you shouldn't stay
'cause you pity them.
- Not always, hmm?
- Huh? Wh
[Santi] The heteronormative
and monogamous couple is in crisis.
We don't know who we are anymore
or what we like.
Luz, but I'm not gay.
For someone who's not gay,
you do a lot of gay things.
But I had a beer in each hand.
I couldn't fend him off.
And by the time I realized it,
he'd already taken it out.
No details. Please spare me.
Anyway, sexual orientation
is very fluid these days.
- I thought you were all modern?
- Not to that level, not really.
[Santi] We're even having
to rethink the way we reproduce.
Thank you. Thanks.
Daniela. Daniela!
- [panting]
- Hey. Excuse me, your boarding pass, sir.
Yes, I have one, but it's for Tel Aviv,
'cause the other flight's full. Daniela!
Sorry, I can't let you past.
The love of my life is about
to inseminate herself from a catalog,
and I wanna be there.
That's her in the hat.
You can get the next flight out.
But that's not very romantic.
In the movies,
they always let people pass.
- Well, this isn't a movie, sir.
- Daniela!
Pedro, forget about me. God!
[Santi] What I mean is given
this huge onslaught of new concepts,
it's easy to get lost.
I wanna apologize if I've offended anyone.
That wasn't my intention.
You try to do right,
and things can turn out very wrong.
I think that everyday life
for the new man
in this modern era is hard, Your Honor.
Really hard.
So you got so deconstructed that,
in the end, you became a woman?
No. No, no, uh, never mind.
You're not getting it.
So, if she goes down
on a chick, she's experimenting.
But if a guy does it to me, I'm gay?
Where's the equality?
That's what I said. Daniela can have
a kid whenever she feels like it.
- And I can't.
- Isn't that just biology?
Apparently, they're developing
an artificial uterus
and a stem cell will be able
to replace the ovum.
- Wanna have a baby, honey?
- [laughs]
We deconstructed ourselves too soon.
Our society just isn't ready.
Santiaga, this mess is all your fault.
Stop teasing me, okay?
You're the reason why I lost my job.
And we were doing so well.
We should have spent all that money
for the course on dinner.
- [Luis chuckles]
- No, we're doing fine, huh?
Hey, this is like when you
move a potted plant to the soil.
At the beginning,
it's a little hard for it, right?
And then the leaves turn yellow,
and they fall off, but then it adapts,
and it flowers up,
and it's much stronger than before.
And I'm the gay one?
I'm more lost than ever now.
Maybe Patrick has an advanced course,
like a masters. I'll call him now.
No way, man, fuck that.
- No fucking way.
- She's such a pain in the ass.
Patrick. Hey, hey, hey, it's, uh
oh, okay.
Hey, you never sent me
those T-shirts, the ones
The ones with "I don't self-destruct.
I deconstruct myself."
Ah, great, great.
Then give me three mediums and one XL.
Ah, wait, no. You know, that's too big
[continues indistinct]
[classical music playing]
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