American Dad s03e13 Episode Script

Red October Sky

# Good morning, U.
# # I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day # #The sun in the sky has a smile on his face # #And he's shining a salute to the American race # # Oh, boy it's swell to say # # Good morning, U.
# #Good morning, U.
## Kill.
Don't kill.
Hey! I went to high school with this guy.
Smith, a former K.
Agent has gone missing.
Ah, yes.
Sergei Kruglov, the wolf of Leningrad.
I tangled with him when I was a young agent.
Exchange the captured spies.
Look, Sergei.
Over there lies the West.
People are buying Bobby McFerrin tapes, Jolt Cola and Scottie Pippen sneakers.
That's capitalism! And it's gonna triumph over your lousy system.
I laugh at your decadent Western ways.
Behind you lies Communism, the paradise of the proletariat.
Free of excess, devoted to the cause.
Look at the strength and power of- Grab him! - Damn it, Stan! - Every time! I spent the next six months in a Communist prison.
I vowed to dedicate my whole career to hunting down Sergei.
But I forgot.
You know, had some kids, focused on the lawn.
- The Redskins were good.
- As you know, Communism's fallen.
And Sergei's retired.
But we still like to keep an eye on these people.
We were monitoring Sergei through his Columbia House account.
Nothing unusual, Sheryl Crow and the like.
- But now, even they've lost track of him.
- Damn LimeWire! Anyway, if you find this fellow, you'll get a promotion and a pay raise.
Climbing the corporate ladder! That's the kind of rush those Reds never got to feel.
They also never got to feel the smooth comfort of these Air Pippens.
Get that junk out of here.
Where would a Communist go? Cuba? China? Back in time to kill Betsy Ross? Dad! You're finally home! I need your help.
Sorry, son.
I've got too much work to do.
But it's for the rocket contest at school! Whoever's flies highest will be undisputed champion of aerodynamics and Newtonian physics.
And you know that'll translate into some attention from the ladies.
I'll be adjusting a few Delta wing stabilizers.
Right? That's something a guy says, right? I don't know, Steve.
A puppy's a lot of responsibility.
Check it out, Dad! Oh, no! It's gonna hit Mr.
Halworthy's house! Great.
Wait here.
- Mr.
Halworthy? - What's that smell? Oh, now I recognize it.
It's freshly-cut grass on a summer's day.
And death.
Here you go, scamp.
He must've been dead for weeks.
Mom, you might wanna sit down.
I hate to tell you this, but Mr.
Halworthy has passed.
Nutty Bars! They stock Nutty Bars now! I asked the man and he got them.
My rocket's ruined! Dad, can you help me build a new one? - Steve, do you get paid for your rocket? - No.
Then it has no value.
You see, son, we're part of a wonderful system.
It's the glorious orgy of American capitalism.
I get a snazzy new title and a bigger paycheck.
Then I give my money to your mother who spends it on speeding tickets.
I like to race school buses.
I'm a ninja, everybody! I'm doing ninja stuff now.
Klaus? No! Can't you see I'm trying to kill myself? What? Why would you do that? You know what today is? Two days after my birthday.
No, that's not right.
I don't remember having a cake or anything.
That's my point! Nobody cares about me! You're just stuck in a rut.
You know what? You need a change of scenery.
- Let's take a trip! - Well, I'd love to go back to Europe.
- Do you know I've never even been? - Oh, you simply must.
Don't you ever tell me what to do! I'm sorry.
I overreacted.
We should go to Europe.
Look at my little Disney's The Rocketeer.
- How's it goin'? - Not so well.
I can't figure out what's wrong, and Dad's too busy.
You know, if we put some glitter on, it'll look just like a shooting star.
Thanks, Mom.
But that's not gonna make it fly better.
Well, how about we glue on some raisins? That way if it breaks up on re-entry everyone'll get a tasty treat instead of a national tragedy.
All right, Sergei.
Are you here? Nope.
How 'bout here? There's gotta be a faster way.
- Stan Smith here.
- Stan, do you think you'll be home anytime soon? Steve's having a little trouble with his rocket.
Aah! Raisins! Stan, this is really something a boy needs his father for.
All right.
Let me take a look.
Francine, turn around.
There you go.
Hey, Jackson, check it out.
I can't believe we really did it! I mean, we're in Europe! Nine hours ago, we were in America! - I just think we'll be better off.
- No.
I get it.
I get it.
- Dad! You're finally home! - I've been searching for Sergei all day.
I zoomed in on 100 people in over four countries.
None of them were him.
So we have to conclude he's dead.
Rest in peace, my sworn enemy.
Hello, neighbor.
Sergei! Relax, Smith.
I am no longer K.
I am American now! Yeah, right.
It's true, Stan.
Look in my wallet.
A Costco card! - It is true.
- You don't know how happy I am to be here.
All the time I was under the boot of Communism I'd dream of living like C.
Man, Stan Smith.
I made fantasies about American town of Langley Falls.
Of course you did.
We're 80 minutes to the ocean, three hours to the mountains six hours to New York City and 20 hours to Zanzibar! When Communism fell, I got job at first Moscow McDonald's.
There I learned capitalist system- Seize opportunity.
Move up.
Buy things.
So I worked hard and moved up to first Moscow Wendy's.
Then up again to first Moscow Burger King.
There were dark times, like when I work at first Moscow Hardee's.
But my dream of living in Langley Falls kept me alive.
Sergei, that is so inspiring.
At last, raccoons eat your neighbor's face.
Internet tells me house is available.
So I move to America.
Now look.
I smoke your American menthol cigarettes and wear American Winnie the Pooh sweatshirt.
I support your New York Mets baseballs and eat American Peeps candy.
- Peep? Peep? - Thanks! - I love these.
- Chewy! - Welcome to the neighborhood, Sergei.
- Put 'er there, American.
Dude, my wife's right here, man.
Why do you think she's smiling? I think it's a mother's smile.
I think it's pride and love and I think perhaps she knew she'd be remembered.
That Polish guy at the hostel is gonna steal my towel.
I just know it.
Congratulations on locating Sergei.
You're now officially the Deputy Under-director of Missing Foreign Agents.
So I was here, and now I'm here! I've moved up at least an eighth of an inch! Yes.
And since you're so good at finding missing agents it should be no problem for you to find these 10.
Find them all by next Friday, and I'll give you another eighth of an inch.
And I'll take that eighth of an inch, sir.
I'll take it like a man.
- I know you will.
- Yeah, I will.
D- Day, 1944.
You think about the bravery, the heroism that happened here.
It's just humbling.
- Men younger than us.
Boys, really.
- Just boys.
Trying to fight off an American invasion.
L- I was talking about the Americans.
Uh, the Germans were brave too.
Less brave, maybe.
Dad, wait.
It's Saturday.
Can't you help me? Sorry, son.
Capitalism knows no Saturday.
Hello, neighbor! That's a fine-looking flag, Sergei.
Now you truly have everything that makes someone an American.
I still need two things.
A beer I am willing to fight for and a job.
Ajob, huh? How'd you like to help my son with his model rocket? - Him? - I would be proud to accept job as child's model rocket assistant.
Now, that's capitalism! Let us honor our arrangement with Peeps.
- What is this? - That's a pinwheel.
- What is this? - That's Captain Ace Brogdale.
He's sort of in charge of the whole operation.
Bit of a maverick.
Doesn't like taking orders.
But he's got the guts to get the job done.
- Ace! - This rocket is decadent and wasteful.
If you want to win contest, your mind must be hard and joyless like Russian turnip.
- We just need something quick.
- We want to know what we're getting.
We'll make it up.
We'll have a nice Italian meal for dinner.
We're gonna have a nice Italian meal for dinner.
Yes, hi.
Are you the spy known as the Cairo puppet master? - No? All right then.
- Stan, stop working and eat dinner with us.
I ordered from Meaty McMulligan's.
I hear it's awful.
But if you don't like it we'll just throw it out.
- Oh, that's so wasteful! - Nonsense.
Your mom's enthusiastic spending is exactly whatJesus had in mind when he invented capitalism.
Would any of you like to hear my tribute poem? Tribute to this food? No! For Mr.
Halworthy! For his funeral! It's tomorrow? You know what I don't care for? Garlic fries.
Are you people totally heartless? Mr.
Halworthy helped build this town with the vision of an all-white utopia, but still! Show some respect.
She's right.
Garlic fries are awful.
- No, I said that.
- Oh! Well, I guess Hayley disagrees.
Anyway, my model rocket's coming along great! Sergei's really helping me.
Once we were foes locked in a death struggle.
Now he works for me! Stalin's up in heaven cryin' his eyes out.
I better get back to work.
Bullock's been riding me.
Yeah, that sounds like a typical complaint of the proletariat.
Did he just say " proletariat?" I know you've embraced our American system but somehow my son picked up a Communist word.
You probably tossed it off.
Just an innocent mistake.
Mistake, mmm.
Let me tell you a little story, Stan.
I truly believed in Communism, Smith.
And I was raising my son to be a true party member.
But then Communism fell, and the wall came down.
My wife, who had the strong, plain features of a turnip, left me for a West German tennis equipment salesman.
And my son, my young son he became an entrepreneur.
He makes Halloween costumes for dogs! But, what about McDonald's? Those were all lies to fool you.
You see, I dreamed of coming to Langley Falls, Stan.
Because I vowed, " The West stole my son, so I will steal your son for Communism!" That'll never happen! Steve's an American boy! He's made of my American juices, baked in his mother's American oven! - Where's Steve? - In his room.
Why? - Which one's his room? - On the right.
Oh, my God! Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon! Dad.
My son is a Communist! Stop it! Sergei gave me that stuff! Look at this crazy upside-down writing! I'll take my backwards letters on a Toys"R"Us sign.
Thank you very much.
You're just a capitalist dupe! All you care about is money! Sergei cares about me! He helped me build my rocket! No more Sergei! That's an order! This, at least, we can agree on.
Planet of the Apes was a fine picture.
- What's that? - I'm just bringing dessert to my little astronaut.
You mean cosmonaut! No pie for him! - He's under sanctions! A pie embargo! - Stan, don't be silly.
My God.
He's defected! Think, Steve, of how sweet your turnips will taste when this lean, sleek rocket defeats your capitalist opponents.
You're trying to bully me, you imperialist pig! - Fascist! - Steve, stop using words and listen to me.
This is my fault.
I was distracted by work, and I let you fall into the wrong hands.
And for that, I'm sorry.
You have a right to be mad at me.
But don't be mad at capitalism.
Capitalism loves you! And it's gonna help us win this rocket contest.
# You can still rock in America # # Boy, yeah It's all right # # You can still rock in America # # Oh, yeah, all night # # You can still rock in America # - # You can still rock in America # - Huh? # You can still rock in America ## Oh-ho! Mmm.
Okay, okay.
Th-That sign says Schaffhausen.
Is that how you say it? Schaffhausen? Yeah, I don't see Schaffhausen.
We want Winterthur.
Well, I can't find it! We're going to Schaffhausen! Do I even like girls? I must like girls.
Toshi, this is a rocket contest.
Good work, fellas.
You, I'm not paying.
I'm pretty sure you're the one who knocked over my Sprite.
Look at this decadent monstrosity.
I don't care what you think.
Me and my dad made this rocket, and it's awesome! Ha! It is bloated and overstuffed like this fat child with whom I will win space race.
We will bury you! Today's rocket contest is a test of thrust, force and precision- - The same skills you've been learning in sex ed.
- Ba-dum-bum.
Whoever's rocket reaches the greatest altitude and lands safely will be declared winner.
Prepare to launch.
Three two one.
Launch! Let's do it, Steve! Look! We're gonna win! We have a winner.
The fat kid! And his creepy Russian uncle or whatever.
L- I can't believe it.
We lost.
After all the money I spent! Capitalism let you down.
- I let you down.
- What? You didn't let me down.
So, you don't care that we lost? All I really wanted was to spend time with you.
Congratulations, Smith.
You have bested me for your son's affection.
You have won this cold battle, but not the Cold War.
I can see now that I rushed my revenge.
Perhaps it was the haste of a man who longed to take his revenge like his vodka- In one dreadful swallow.
But I see now I must take my time.
I will plant seeds of revenge and let them grow.
Then I'll harvest the vegetables of revenge.
And from those vegetables, I will plant more seeds.
- And then you'll get your revenge? - No, Smith.
From the third, or perhaps fourth harvest of revenge plants I will make a vegetable stew, and season it perfectly with revenge! U.
A! U.
A! U.
A! U.
A! It was awesome, Mom! We blew the other rockets away! That's great, honey.
I just wish your father didn't spend our entire savings on it.
- Well, you gotta spend money to make money.
- But you didn't make any money.
Then, by that logic, I didn't spend any.
Good night, everybody.
What do you want, Sergei? Did you notice your showerhead was on the pulse setting this morning? No.
That was a mere appetizer at the banquet of my revenge! Is that all? Some of your mail got delivered to my house.
It looked important.
Thanks, neighbor.
Bye! Have a beautiful time!
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