American Dragon: Jake Long (2005) s02e16 Episode Script

The Rotwood Files

He's slobby ♪
She's snotty ♪
But he thinks
she's a hottie ♪
The spud and Stacey show ♪
She's perky ♪
He's lucky ♪
Can their love
ever worky ♪
The spud and Stacy show ♪
He says yes ♪
they say no ♪
They are supposed
to be there tonight ♪
Wherever-- ♪
Uh, spud, hello?
Are you dreaming
you and Stacy
are stars
in your own
sitcom again?
There's gonna be one
where she burns
the pot roast,
and then we all learn
the true meaning
of new year's Eve.
Sorry, spud.
But trust us,
you can totally
do better than her.
Yeah, that girl
is shallower
than a kiddie pool
with a leak in it.
Uh, Columbus shmulumbus.
Now, which one of my toes
is the prettiest?
Stacy's got more layers
than an onion.
I just
Dig her so much.
Attention, hoodlums.
Tonight is Fillmore fest
where we showcase
to your parental guardians
all that is good
at this school.
It is the first
of my administration,
and it will go smoothly!
As an example of how not
to dress this evening,
observe Jake long.
Hair shall be combed,
not spiky.
Proper slacks
will be mandatory.
None of this
half pants, half shorts,
chicken legged look.
[Students laugh]
Yo, rot--
And no more
of this "yo."
No one understands
what you're
talking about.
Ok, that is it.
I have had it
with rotwood.
Tonight at Fillmore fest,
it's payback time.
[Crying] We're there
for you, man.
We totally
feel your pain.
But dude, you don't
have to take it so hard.
I'm not.
It's the onion.
Um, are you crying?
Uh no, I was--
You were totally
tearing up
like a baby
because your friend
got humiliated
by rotwood.
No, it was--
That is so sensitive.
And sweet.
And so totally
Uh can't we all
just learn to love?
He's cool, he's hot
like a frozen sun ♪
He's young and fast,
he's the chosen one ♪
we're not braggin' ♪
He's the American dragon ♪
He's gonna stop
his enemies ♪
With his dragon power ♪
Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burnin' dragon fire ♪
A real live wire ♪
American dragon ♪
He's the American dragon ♪
His skills are
gettin' faster ♪
With grandpa,
the master ♪
His destiny
will walk up sheets ♪
It's showtime, baby,
for the legacy ♪
American dragon ♪
I'm the magical protector
from the N.Y.C. ♪
American dragon ♪
I give you the principal
of Fillmore middle school,
hans rotwood.
Dankthank you,
thank you.
I am proud to unveil
the woodshop's newest creation,
a mahogany statue
of former U.S. president
Millard Fillmore.
[Applause and cheers]
Yes, it's beautiful.
Yes, yes.
And later tonight,
president Fillmore's
6-year-old great,
great, great,
great granddaughter
Millie will be here
to share her
melodious singing.
[Crowd cheers]
Parents, students, friends,
the state of our school
is strong.
[Crowd cheers]
Hear me when I say,
I chew other people's gum
and spit it in the hair
of your monkey-faced
[Microphone whistles]
Did he just call himself
a gum spitter?
Forget that.
He called our kids
monkey faced.
No, no. I didn't.
It was a mistake.
Someone has changed
the teleprompter.
He's waving.
That's our cue.
[Band plays]
No! Not yet.
Stay back, please.
I must finish
my speech.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Crowd: Ooh, oh!
My mahogany Millard!
He was so hard
to carve.
Please, this was all
a big misunderstanding.
The teleprompter!
The band!
There was supposed to
be a song.
Yankee doodle
went to London ♪
Silence your melodious singing.
I didn't mean now.
Oh! I'm sorry.
He just desecrated
our 13th president.
Rotwood, you're a monster!
[Crowd yelling]
Man, can you believe
last night?
We changed one line
in rotwood's speech,
and the wall
came tumbling down.
Totally, man. I, oh!
Have you guys,
like, heard?
Principal rotwood
was, like, fired.
Say what?
You know, I'm no fan
of old rotty,
but a man
Fired from
his life's passion.
I mean
It's just so sad.
Do you want to go
get some ice cream
or something?
Will there be hot fudge?
A squirt for every tear.
But I actually feel
kind of bad that
Jake, way to go.
Way to go, Jake.
That we didn't
get rid of him sooner.
Think about it, trix,
and I'm the most
popular kid in school.
We can get away
with anything.
[Kids cheering]
Who knows how bad
this new dude's
going to be?
Hello, children.
I am your new principal.
My name is Sigmund bronk.
And this school year
is going to rock!
[Plays rock music]
What makes a school
burning for learning?
Less rules and more fun.
So who wants cheeseburgers?
[Crowd cheers]
Burgers incoming.
I have two words, trix.
Oh, yeah.
Look at that.
It's just so moving
to see meat being
distributed aerially.
You are so deep.
Maybe it was
the right thing
to dispose the rot.
You feel me?
'Cause the school is bumping
with positivity, ok?
Hey, somebody
get principal bronk.
There's some kind of
critter in
the boiler room.
And it ain't natural.
It ain't real.
I'm sure it's just
my pet Emu.
How'd she get out?
Ok, this is the part
of the movie
where someone
in the audience yells,
don't go down there!
What the creature
double feature was that?
I'm not sure.
It looked like
some kind of giant--
Slimy tongue punches. Nasty!
Time to drag--
To start draggin you, um
Off me, you silly emu!
Ok, any bug that big
has got to be magical.
But what's it doing
in school?
Well, if he's here
for the learning,
he's got to find
a study group.
There he is. Look out!
I call that one
the windshield.
It goes 90 miles an hour
and flattens bugs.
[All scream]
Tsk tsk. Infestation
in the basement.
If only rotwood
had spent more time
and less time
desecrating wooden statues.
Jake, I admire
your dedication
to cleaning up this school.
Come with me.
[Laughing] Your pals
seemed to leave very quickly
when they saw me,
didn't they?
I guess they thought
you were--
Let's cut through
the cream cheese.
I'm not here
to launch burgers
I came to do what that
bavarian bozo rotwood couldn't.
Give a speech?
Catch the dragon.
I don't know what
you're talk--
Ahem. I, too,
am a researcher
of the magical world.
Rotwood may be a fool,
but I believe
he was on to something
with his talk of a dragon
at this school.
But I don't know anything
about dragons.
But you do, Jake,
you do.
See, I've read
rotwood's files
on you and your friends,
the unexplained
the curious behavior,
to those creatures
I planted
in the basement.
frozen in fear,
but you three
race into action.
Almost as if you all
had experience
if I know my mythology,
that's a dragon's job.
So then,
which one of you
is on the clock, hmm?
You planted those things?
Oh, I've had some
small luck in the field,
but the people
who fund my kind
of research
need to see
something special.
Like a captured dragon,
and soon
I will deliver.
This is bronkium.
A chemical
of my own invention
that will make any
disguised dragon
revert to its true form.
But once I use it
to expose
this school's dragon,
I'll have the funding
to mass produce
all the bronkium
I could ever want.
Dragon's everywhere
will be unmasked.
And the name
Sigmund bronk
will go down in history.
But, of course,
we regular humans
have nothing to fear.
Now, do we?
Nope. Guess you'll
just be wasting
your only vial then, huh?
[Bell rings]
It's recess.
Can we hang out
with you?
Now who wants to learn
extreme four square?
I do! I do!
[All cheering]
Any time you want
to talk, Jake.
Right on.
Oh, man!
With that chemical,
bronk is beyond dangerous.
He must be stopped.
You got one principal
fired, kid.
Time to get working
on the sequel.
Why don't I
just sneak in,
steal the bronkium,
and get rid of it?
If you were caught,
it would only
prove to him
fu dog is right,
you must get rid
of your principal.
Get rid
of your principal?
How am I supposed to--
Do you mind?
You, uh
Need some help?
Nein. No, no. No, no.
I love
the scavenging life. Aha!
For example,
you see a half eaten
can of soup.
I see a hilarious
novelty hat.
Put her there.
No, who am I kidding?
This is a cruel world.
Which has the capacity
to smash dreams.
I hope you're happy
with your new principal.
Principal bronk
is a freak.
Yes, well, you know,
I'm sure he's a very--
Bronk! Surely you do not
mean Sigmund bronk.
Uh yeah.
You know him?
Know him?
He was my professor
at the university.
It was he
who opened my eyes
to the unseen magical world.
He changed my life forever.
But bronk was too harsh
a task master.
He exploded with rage
at the slightest mistake.
But I'd still take you
over bronk any day.
And I would return
in a heartbeat
if I could.
Hey, everybody.
I have a surprise.
Don't take mom's
reaction too personally.
She beats all
our house guests
over the head
with a broom.
It's, uh, just her way.
I see I'm not
the only one
with an interesting
magical creature.
Huh? Oh, yeah. Um
Family trip
to dragon head ventures
amusement park.
Good times.
I have never heard
of this amusement park.
Yo, jakey j,
let's go, baby.
I'm taking spud
onion shopping, you wanna--
Aah! Another
basement critter.
Look, it's kind of
a long story.
But me and rotwood
are working together
to get bronk fired.
I started
working up a plan.
But I'm gonna need
your help.
Here's what
I'm thinking.
Me, Trixie and spud
will, uh, arrive
on the school rooftop
tomorrow at 5:03am.
While trix and I
access the school
spud will suction cup
across the east side
of the building,
and cut the security
camera wires.
Once that's done,
I'll let in
one of the lunch ladies.
Who will then flirt
with the security guard
and get him to unlock
the cafeteria door.
And how are we gonna
let y'all in?
That's the thing.
It won't be
the lunch lady.
While he stands guard,
I'll climb into
the air vent,
follow it to bronk's office,
and use, my, uh,
special skills
to borrow the school's
fundraiser cash.
When the safe
is discovered empty,
they'll blame
the only dude
with the combination.
And later, we can
return the money.
It's wunderbar!
Let's roll!
Oh! Didn't your mothers
teach you how to
treat a lady?
my old pupil.
Somehow I always
pictured you
ending up
pretty much
exactly like this.
It's sucking my brain.
Get it off! Get it off!
Oh, by the way, Jake,
you left your plans
on the roof.
You were trying
to set me up!
What? No! I--
Why don't you
just come clean
about the dragon's
Save me some time
and a world of misery.
Relax, Jake, I'm just
making the morning
Hola, students.
This is your pal
principal bronk.
I am sad to inform you
to have me fired
from this school.
You can't do that!
But I suppose Jake long
in homeroom 217,
locker number a331
is entitled to his
own opinion of me.
That is all.
[Turns mic off]
You can help me,
or you can continue
to suffer.
Say hi to your
classmates for me.
That's the bronk hater.
I hear he beat up
the school mascot.
Where are you going,
you bronk basher?
[Laughing nervously]
How's it going, guys?
Anybody else have
the pizza yesterday?
Lots of oregano
in the sauce, am I right?
Now he's trying to get
the hot lunch lady
fired, too.
I live for that sauce.
No, no, no, I just--
Extreme four square!
Bronk rocks!
Hey, Jake, I've been
working up new ideas
on how to get rid
of bronk.
My favorite so far,
make him allergic
to children.
Us throwing in
considering all
we've been through.
Oh, yeah, like the time
I gave you a week's
for saying, "oh,"
and another week
for saying "man."
Or the time I put
mondo bondo glue around
your monocle frame.
Or the time
I gave you detention
while you were in
Or the time I messed with
your telepromp--
Date. Uh, you know,
your date to Tel Aviv.
[Gasps] You!
You started to say
You are the riffraff
that got me fired.
I just changed one line.
Know this day that you
have made a powerful
new enemy.
Yes, I technically,
am an old enemy who
wasn't for awhile,
but now again is
on the side--
You know
what I'm saying!
No, wait! Come back!
Ah, don't sweat it, kid.
What's the worst
that can happen?
Yes. The photo
is quite real.
I've sent it to every
news organization
in the city.
I will prove the photo's
at a press conference
Yes. The dragon is
masquerading as a human,
but my new assistant
assures me
he knows exactly
who he is.
What's [sniffling]
going on, baby?
Get this, bronk says
he's gonna reveal
that somebody
at school is--
Incredibly sensitive?
A gross,
fire-breathing dragon.
Oh, man!
We gotta get you
out of here, bro.
I can't just leave him
with the bronkium.
No dragon will be safe.
So, then what do we do?
We finish what we started.
Yo, what are you eating?
I really dig 'em now.
Check this out.
I'm over that
onion breath already.
Uh, jakey,
was bronk's office
like that last night?
He may have
Redecorated a little.
Dragon up!
It's lights out time.
Guys, I got him.
That blue stuff's gotta be
around here somewhere.
Spud, look out!
Ah, yes, they ask
for so little,
and yet, they give so much.
Yo, this it?
That's it.
Let's take--
What the?
Well, isn't this tidy.
I've been looking
all over for you.
You're bronk,
you can't--
Yes, I can.
And I will, see
Thanks to my
former protegé
I now know
which of you
is the dragon.
Come on, let's go
expose the dragon.
Oh, and just so
his friends
don't try any
funny business,
you're all locked up.
Won't that be fun?
Whoa! He's got
those children in a cage!
That is an outrage.
Is this an outrage,
or will what you're
about to see
revolutionize science
as we now know it?
Watch and believe!
Rotwood, are you sure
he's the one?
This is it, guys.
This is how it ends.
Ladies and gentlemen,
behold the mighty dragon.
[Crowd gasps]
Change into your true form.
That stuff tastes like
socks and old cabbage.
It needs onion.
Change into your true form!
Woman: He's yelling
at that poor boy.
This boy is a dragon!
That boy is a boy.
Now let go of him
this instant.
You told me
he was the dragon.
But it, it must be him.
Look at him.
Steam's coming out of
his mouth right now.
A dragon at this school?
I don't care about your
fantastical delusions,
What I care about
are the children.
The beautiful,
beautiful children
of the world.
Man: You should be
running this school,
not him.
You don't understand!
One of those kids
is a dragon!
A dragon!
Hey, Stacy.
What's up with her?
She saw me eating
the onion
and she was able to put
two and two together.
But no matter,
once I finish whittling
my onion Stacy,
I'll always have
a beautiful shoulder to
[Sniffing] Cry on.
Ow! Her beautiful,
stinging juices.
[Crying hysterically]
You ever think we didn't
give rotwood
enough credit?
How he pranked bronk
and got his old
job back.
Please, you think
that was planned?
Rotwood's so clueless.
He probably did think
the dragon--
Jake long!
I would like
to shake your hand.
To thank you.
Uh, sure.
Huh? What the--
Surprise, surprise.
One drop left.
It seemed a shame
to let it all go to waste.
Oh, don't bother,
Mr. Long.
I always suspected
it was you.
But I'll be
a shrine prince uncle
before I let Sigmund bronk
take credit for my discovery.
I will find a way
to expose you myself one day.
But until then,
I've got a school to run.
Oh, man!
Hey, I wonder what other
magical secrets
that guy knows?
Rotwood: The Bermuda triangle?
Actually a trapezoid.
Pixie dust made from
real pixies.
Big foot, quite lovely
in ankle-high
stiletto boots.
Wow! Hello, madame sasquatch.
Humma humma humma.
But, of course,
a foot rub will be
no problem for--
Aah! You people
are still here?
You saw nothing.
[Door slams]
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