American Dragon: Jake Long (2005) s02e17 Episode Script

1
Uhh
Bathroom!
Morning, Haley.
Morning, Jake.
Dragon up!
Ha! All mine.
Dragon u-up!
Good morning, familia.
Oh!
Ha! Now you can
skip breakfast,
little sis,
'cause you're eating
my dust.
Oh!
Oh, uhh!
Ohh! Ah!
[Giggling]
Ha! I'll tell you,
those morning races
for the bathroom
are becoming more
and more exciting.
It almost looked like
you and your sister
were flying down
the hall there.
Aw, man!
He's hot
like a frozen sun ♪
He's young and fast ♪
He's the chosen one ♪
People,
we're not braggin' ♪
He's the American dragon ♪
He's gonna stop
his enemies ♪
With his dragon power ♪
Dragon teeth,
dragon tail ♪
Burnin' dragon fire ♪
A real live wire ♪
American dragon ♪
American dragon ♪
He's the American dragon ♪
His skills are
gettin' faster ♪
With grandpa,
the master ♪
His destiny
well, what's up, g? ♪
It's showtime, baby,
for the legacy ♪
I'm a dragon,
I'm not braggin' ♪
It's my destiny ♪
I'm the magical protector
of the N.Y.C. ♪
Ya heard!
American dragon ♪
Uh, Jake, I need you
to walk Haley to school,
and pick her up again
this afternoon.
But dad
No whats, buts,
or candied nuts.
Just mind
your sister, mister.
Hey! Another
perfect pancake.
Oh, I am on a hotcake
hot streak. Ha ha!
[Grunts]
I get detention from
rotwood every morning.
I'm sorry, Jake,
but some of us need time
to do more than
simply slather
toxic amounts of gel
into our hair.
Hey! I do not slather.
And at least I have
some style going on here.
Check out your lame threads.
These "threads" happen to be
perfectly matching,
perfectly pressed--
And perfectly boring.
You gotta have some fun,
show some flash.
And what "statement" is
your bling suit making exactly?
I'm a wannabe hip-hop
skateboard rat who
doesn't know--
Mm-mmm-mmm!
Shh! It's Rose!
Hmm
She's pretty--
Graceful, reads books,
I--I'd say
she's way out of your league.
I need to say something
to her.
I mean, we were kind
of together.
Now we're kind of
broken up.
I don't know.
But I should, you know,
definitely holla at her.
Did you say "holla" at her?
Yeah, you know,
give a little shout out.
Lay down a few lines,
work the old
playa mazzagic.
"Shout out"?
"Playa"? "Mazzagic"?
Why don't you just tell her
how you feel?
Or better yet,
why don't you show her?
You wouldn't understand
this kind of thing, Haley.
You gotta be smooth.
You know, play it cool.
Jake, you're hiding
behind a mailbox.
I'm reasonably certain
this doesn't qualify as "cool."
Oh, Haley.
Always right on time
and always a pleasure.
I brought you an apple
and a ten-page
horticulture report
on the species origins
and seeding process.
You have a very special
sister there, young man.
Yeah, she keeps reminding me.
[Bell ringing]
Late again,
Mr. Long.
I'm afraid
it will mean detention
unless you can perhaps
tell me the capital of, say,
oh, well, let me th--
Albania!
I want you to paint
something that inspires you.
Reach deep
into your gifted souls.
[Snoring]
[Mumbling]
Jake:
Keep on target
Yeah!
[Classical music]
Ah!
Uhh!
[Hip-hop music playing]
Go Jake! Go Jake! Go Jake!
Go Jake!
Tomorrow afternoon,
representatives of
the prestigious
dumont institute of dance
will be here
to evaluate your progress.
One, and only one,
lucky student will be awarded
a two-week internship
at the dumont institute
in Paris this summer.
Obonne chance, ladies!
Paris! C'est magnifique!
Didn't you hear
what she said, Haley?
Only one student
can be chosen,
and it's not
going to be you.
No, I'm telling you,
it's a medical fact.
If you sneeze, hiccup,
cough, and burp
all at the same time,
I have this cousin--
He did it in third grade.
We had to send him
to a hospital.
Aah! It's Rose!
Uhh!
Uhh!
Dude, you've been
acting really weird
about this
whole Rose thing.
And coming from me,
that's saying
something.
How long are you gonna
keep this up?
You obviously have a lot of
feelings for the girl.
Just talk to her, playa.
I--i
Just don't have
the words.
I just wanted to wish you
good luck
at the dance audition
tomorrow.
You'll need it.
Olivia meers has a soul
of pure and endless darkness.
Who?
That sweet little girl?
Sweet? Sweet?! She's--
Man:
Help! Somebody help!
Jake: Come on!
Eye of the dragon.
Haley, wait here.
Dragon up!
But, Jake--
[grunting]
We'll take that,
you leprechaun fool.
Yeah! I've got the feelin'
for some stealin.'
I've got the feverin'
for some thieverin.'
I'm feeling snobbery
for some robbery!
Ok,
now you're just reaching.
[Grunting]
Aah!
[Crash]
Need a lift?
Jake, laddie.
Oh, thank the sweet heavens.
Those 2 hooligans
just made off with
the ancient mirror
of scission!
The ancient what of what,
now?
It's a sacred
leprechaun relic.
You have to get it back,
boyo!
The huntsman is gonna
love this thing!
Hey, what do you think
he wants it for?
I suppose he could use it
as a paperweight,
or to shave
in the shower, or--
Jake:
Or you can give it back.
Unh! Hyah!
Ok, there's two of us
against one of him.
So, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
Yeah.
Ok, on 3.
1, 2,
run away, run away!
Let's get out of here!
Jake:
The mirror!
No!
Haley! I told you
to wait back there!
It's a good thing
I don't actually
listen to you.
The legendary
mirror of scission.
And I swear
it takes 10 pounds
off my waistline.
Look at me! I'm svelte.
Crucial to keeping the peace
between leprechaun tribes.
It is most fortunate
that you retrieved it.
Well, technically, I was
the one who recovered it.
Jake let it fall off
a building.
Do you have to do that--
Try to take credit
for everything?
Only for things
I'm good at
Which--you're right!
Is everything.
You couldn't handle
the pressure of being
the American dragon,
"pressure"?
You want pressure?
Where you have to be perfect
at everything all the time.
It's a lot harder than
slacking off all the time,
which is what you do.
It's called having fun.
Maybe you should
try it someday.
Fine!
Fine!
Uhh
The bathroom!
Sorry, Haley,
but this time--
Jake?
What's happening?
Haley? But--
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
What say we fire up
the waffle iron and--
Oh! Aah!
I--i don't understand
what's happening.
When I talk, I hear
my own angelic voice,
but it's coming out
of your awkward
and adolescent warped body.
You think I enjoy
being 2 feet tall?
Plus, I'm a girl.
Go back to my room
and get dressed.
We gotta go to
grandpa's shop!
You've got to
be kidding.
Whatever.
Let's get going.
Fu dog:
Oh, yeah.
It's the reflective reaction
of the old scission
switcherooski.
You two must have
accidentally
activated the mirror.
The mirror
did this to us?
Nothing went wrong.
The mirror did exactly
what it was built to do.
Leprechauns used to be
warring tribes,
always fighting
with each other.
It gave enemy chiefs
the chance to
trade bodies for a day.
You call this
a fair trade of bodies?
I exercise.
I eat all my vegetables.
I floss.
I shampoo and condition.
The point is,
once the leprechaun chiefs
switched bodies.
From the other guy's
point of view.
It put an end to all
the fighting and feuding.
So get the mirror
and change us back.
I have a ballet audition
this afternoon.
It's a chance to train at
the dumont institute in Paris.
This isn't about
you and your
stupid audition.
The important thing
is to get the am-drag
back in his body
there's one little hitch
in the giddy-up, kids.
Grandpa already left
to return it to
the leprechaun council.
But what are we
supposed to do?
Don't worry.
I'll get the mirror back.
In the meantime,
you kids need
to get to school.
Act like
everything is normal.
How am I supposed to go
to school in this body?
Yeah, won't that be
a little suspicious?
Jake, you need to go to
Haley's school in her body.
Haley, you need to go to
Jake's school in his body.
Haven't either of you seen
this kind of movie before?
I'm afraid
that isn't gonna work, fu.
You see, I go to a school
fgifted children.
Jake won't be able
to fit in there.
Like it would be
so hard to fit in
at your school.
All I have to is
strut around going,
I'm so smart and special.
Everyone give me attention!
Well all I need to do is
fill my speech pattern
with unbearable hip-hop
slang from 5 years ago.
The am-drag is
in the his-house
with the rad skills.
Holla!
Keep working on
doing each other's voices.
So no dragoning up or down
or anything.
I'll meet you in the park
I can't believe you're
actually going to
my school in that suit.
I haven't worn that thing
since aunt Mimi's wedding.
I combed it.
And what about
what you'wearing?
That was my Halloween
costume last year!
Why? Are you afraid
you might be mistaken
for somebody cool?
[Sighs]
Haley,
oh,
you're 5 minutes late.
It is so not like you.
[High-pitched]
No, I'm normally right on time
because I hog
the bathroom every morning.
But I'm late today,
so why don't you just
give me detention,
or expel me
or something? I--
[husky voice]
Heh heh!
Isn't she
just adorable?
My beloved and perfect
little sister.
I'm warning you,
I have a reputation here!
And I got until lunchtime
to completely ruin it.
[Burps]
Two can play at that game.
Tick tock, Mr. Long.
Detention again--
Unless you can perhaps
tell me the capital
of Paraguay, hm?
Ahem.
Yes, Paraguay--
Capital city, asuncion.
Population, 6.5 million.
National currency,
the guarani.
The country's flag has
a different official seal
on each side.
Holla!
Huh?
But, I--
[gasps]
Could you please hand me
some of those applications?
I'd like to sign up
to join the chess club,
the debate team,
and the algebra athletes.
Jake,
what are you doing?
All that
overachieving
stuff's
yeah. Are you sure
you wanna get on that train?
Oh, yeah.
I'm gonna teach him--
I'm gonna teach myself
a little lesson.
[Classical music playing]
That's it.
Let the music
flow through you.
Yeah!
Guitar solo! Rock on!
[Gasps]
[Crashing]
[Muffled]
Ah!
[Snoring]
But I believe we were
in the middle of
covering chapter 11.
And aren't we long overdue
for a pop quiz?
Nice going, doofus.
Whoo-hoo!
Food fight!
Hyah!
[Screaming]
Are you sure you don't want
to Mark up my permanent record?
Uh, well,
we've nevneeded
detention at this school--
Until now.
We're his friends,
Trixie.
Shouldn't we be
stopping him?
Look here, baby bubba,
I tried.
Oh, no. Here it comes.
I can't bear to watch.
[Dance of
the sugar plum fairy playing]
[Laughter]
We gotta do something.
I mean,
isn't this some kind
of health risk?
He could actually
die from the shame.
Uh, yeah. I got this.
I'll talk to the boy--
Again!
Time to resume our artistic
works of inspiration.
Get ready for some
splatty-boom-batty!
Wow.
That's amazing.
She--i mean,
I--i did this?
To capture something
that inspires you--
Something you admire.
You're not gonna start
throwing paint, are you?
So, jakie,
I know you've been having
a rough time with Rose
and everything,
there's nothing
seriously wrong with you.
No, no,
I--I'm fine.
You know, just a little
voice-cracking thing.
Why--why do
you ask Yo?
Well, besides the whole
suit and tie, chess club,
math team,
and ballet recital,
this is also the third time
you've followed me
into the girls' bathroom.
[Girls screaming]
[Flushing]
A healthy lunch
makes for healthy feet.
The judges from
the dumont institute
will be here in one hour.
I got a date to go swimming
with a Portuguese water dog
in a--wow!
Thanks, dog man!
How you like me
now, fool?
Fu dog!
Are you ok?
What happened?
B-b-b oh!
It was those 2 hunts yahoos,
88 and 89.
They blasted me
and took the mirror.
We gotta get it back!
My ballet audition
is about to start.
I'm afraid it's a little
more serious than that.
If you two don't
get switched back
you're gonna be
stuck like that forever!
Fu, which way
did they go?
Go thataway.
Haley, listen.
I need you to dragon up
you have
all my dragon powers.
But
I don't know if I can.
Sure you can.
I've been to your school.
You paint, play violin--
You're my little sis.
There's nothing you can't do.
Oh, Jake
That's a double negative.
But, thanks, anyway.
I'll have your back
the whole way.
Now, let's do this
Together.
Dragon up!
Dragon up!
You really are da man!
This is awesome!
Tch, it's about time you give
your big bro his props.
You might want to
back off on the wing action
or you might--
Aah!
Stall.
Haley! You need to get
your speed back up!
Dive! Dive!
But I can't!
Or you're gonna end up
a big dragon splat
on the sidewalk!
Help me!
Ok, point down.
Now open your wings.
[Sighs]
Thanks, Jake.
You really are
a lot stronger than you look.
Hey, saving
magical creatures
is what I do.
I can't have you
messing up
now, let's go
kick some hunts butt.
The huntsman is gonna
pin a medal on me
what you got him?
You mean whatgot him!
Jake: You mean
what you stole
for him
Or tried to.
Ok, Haley,
dragon fire--
Now!
Just brace yourself
for the kickback,
because--
Aah!
Yeah, baby!
The American dragon
just went down.
The huntsman is gonna
give us a promotion for sure!
Unh!
Now we just gotta
take care of the little one.
Uhh!
Uhh! Uhh! Uhh!
Man, it is not easy
getting around with
these teeny wings!
Oh!
Dude! I got her!
Get over here
and finish her off!
Wa-cha! Yeah,
take some of that!
Ow! Quit it!
I'm clubbing me
a dragon, fool!
What?!
I'm no dragon, I'm 89!
Ha ha ha!
Yeah, right.
That is the oldest trick
in the book.
You know what?
If you're 89,
then where's
the dragon--
Right here,
hunts chump.
Now to switch it back.
Hey! I'm me!
I'm--ohh!
Take this, dragon!
[Thwack]
It's me!
[Thwack]
I'm back in my body again!
Wait a minute.
This isn't me.
Hey!
Hey--hey, you're me!
Give me me back!
Heh. Amateurs.
[Fu dog panting]
Hey! You guys ok?
Haley! Haley!
Let's get you guys back
in your proper bodies.
But, she's out cold.
At least she'll be out cold
in her own body.
Not yet, fu.
There's something
I gotta do first.
[Piano playing]
[French accent]
Very nice.
There was one other student
I thought you should see--
Haley long.
[Door opens]
Here! I'm right here,
miss birch!
I'm sorry I'm late.
Can I still audition?
By all means.
[Waltz playing]
Well, here goes nothing.
[Groans]
Oh!
Unh!
Yeow!
[Crash]
Unh!
I'm terribly sorry.
I didn't mean to, um--
I guess the auditions
are over, n'est pas?
Hold up!
This audition isn't over--
Not yet.
[Hip-hop music playing]
I was just warming up.
[Applause]
[All cheering]
Dance lives. Dance breathes!
But it can also
return to life in body
in the inventive
and audacious moves
of a little girl.
Oh! We look forward
to seeing you in Paris
this summer, miss long.
You did so great!
Congratulations!
Thanks, Jake.
I hope the time
you spent
in each other's
bodies
has taught you
something.
What?
That Haley has no friends?
Or that Jake has
unnatural hair
and knows nothing
about women?
Mad playa Jake?
The mackdaddy dragon?
Don dragon DeMarco?
Are you playing with me?
Don't worry.
I took care of her for you.
Huh?
Morning, Haley.
Jake, let's not do this.
A whole new perspective
and appreciation
for your life.
After you, big brother.
Really?
Ok.
That's really
cool of you,
because I--oh!
Ha! Sucker!
Dad: [Yawns]
Good morning, ki--
What--you--oh!
My eye! Oh! Ow!
You couldn't get that
mirror of scission you wanted.
Check out these other
magical mirrors
we picked up
for you.
Look, you're
tall and skinny!
Whoa!
Now you're short and fat!
Ooh,
now you're wavy!
So? What do
you think?
He's gonna throw us
to the kracken again, isn't he?
[Roaring]
Ok, now you're
just reaching.