American Dragon: Jake Long (2005) s02e24 Episode Script

Nobody's Fu

Oh, man.
Come on, fu.
Don't do this to me.
Fu: If I owe you dough,
you got the wrong number.
Otherwise, it's fu.
You know what to do.
Fu, I can't believe
you're dogging patrol.
So I could really use
a sewer troll repellant.
Which you have.
So don't leave me hanging.
[Voices grumbling]
Come on, fu. I got
a bad feeling about this.
Look. The dragon's back.
Back? I think you boys
need to get some
better lighting.
'Cause I just got here.
Get him!
When dragon attack trolls,
dragon forget something.
Does this look like
it's mine?
Whatever you're up to, fu,
it better be important.
All right. Listen up.
I need something.
I need An 8!
Go fish!
Go fish! Go fish!
Ah, for criminy's sake.
How many times do I got
to tell myself,
never play
with a cardsharp.
Hey, I am a shark woman.
My sharkness
does not define me.
Besides, I'm just a beginner.
He's cool, he's hot
like a frozen sun ♪
He's young and fast,
he's the chosen one ♪
we're not braggin' ♪
He's the American dragon ♪
He's gonna stop
his enemies ♪
With his dragon power ♪
Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burnin' dragon fire ♪
A real live wire ♪
American dragon ♪
He's the American dragon ♪
His skills are
gettin' faster ♪
With grandpa,
the master ♪
His destiny
will walk up sheets ♪
It's showtime, baby,
for the legacy ♪
American dragon ♪
I'm the magical protector
from the N.Y.C. ♪
American dragon ♪
Yo, I cannot believe this.
I flew through 2 miles
of stank infested
sewer tunnels.
[Retches] Sorry, go on.
Got covered in what
I can only hope is mud.
[Retching] Ok, I'm good now.
Keep yapping.
Had to climb out
through a toilet
in grand central station.
That's gonna make it.
And you're telling me
you blew me off
for a card game?
Now, about this necklace
the trolls gave you.
It looks familiar.
I will do
some research on it.
Someplace with
better ventilation.
It's weird how smell
affects taste.
Like, I can't smell,
so these grapes
taste like--
They're plastic.
I see that now.
Kid, you gotta
magic is the business
of relationships.
Next time we need
info pronto,
I'll be looking to
my card buddies
for the tip-o.
Friends are supposed to
have each other's backs.
Lately, I'm getting
the feeling
the only back
you have covered is your own.
Jake, buddy, come on.
When have I ever
let you down?
Ok, now.
But before that,
name one time.
Let's see, there was
the time with the giant.
Don't worry, kid.
I'll free you.
Hmm? Hello, lady.
Jake: And the time
at the skate park.
Don't worry, kid.
I got you.
[Cell phone rings]
Hello? Why, yes.
I am interested in saving
25 percent on
my car insurance.
Does it matter
that I don't have a car?
And then there was
the time when--
How many times
can I apologize
for being me?
I'm a dog, Jake.
I act like a dog.
Then how about acting
like man's best friend
for once.
Well, then how about
acting like--
[both arguing]
[Making noise with arm pit]
What? I can't whistle.
Ok, look, I don't know
who told you guys
that being best friends
was easy,
but they were lying.
I mean,
take me and spud.
We've had our share
of fights,
but we squash them
every time.
Yeah. You sing it,
sister girl.
Wait. What fights?
You know,
like when I buried
that gag nasty pink
palm tree sweater
you bought me
for my birthday.
You buried that sweater?
You never told me that.
Oh, right, well,
then I realized
it would probably lead
to some kind of fight,
so I just let it go.
You want to forgive me now?
I didn't buy that sweater.
Nana and I joined
the nattering knitters
and I made it.
No, not it, them,
'cause that's not
a one of a kind sweater,
it's a two of a kind
friendship sweater.
You made two of those
nasty things?
Well, how come I ain't never
seen you wear yours?
I've been waiting for you
to wear yours
so we could go twinsies.
Well, it ain't looking good,
and you're gonna have
a long wait.
I'm talking about
rumplestiltskin long.
Look, kid, I'm sorry
I wasn't there for you.
But I'm here now.
Yeah, well
Come on.
I'm Mr. Responsibility.
Look at this.
My animal guardian
school yearbook.
I was voted
most responsible.
"Most reprehensible?"
Remembered that wrong.
Anywho, I'm
telling you, Jake,
you can count on me.
Are you dog comma fu?
Department of
magical creatures.
What do you mean
my license expired?
I didn't get one notice
from the dmc.
Didn't you get
like 12?
Yeah, but that's not one.
You are hereby suspended from
all magical guardian duties
your renewal test
is scheduled for Friday.
I gotta go 4 days
without a magical
The dmc has assigned
long comma Jake
a temporary
animal guardian
for the duration of the
probationary period.
Sign here.
Bananas b?
Bananas b is what
me is naming.
Animal guardian's
what I'm gaming.
I'm telling you, dog,
you quit your yelping.
I'm a monkey was sent
to help you.
Meet your foremate, mate.
You've got yourself
the first hip-hop helper
animal monkey guardian, yo.
You have got to be
kidding me.
Don't worry. I'll study
for the test on Friday,
and this grunt picker
will be out of your hair
for good.
Yo, yo. No disrespect.
But once you've gone monkey,
everything else
be seeming funky.
Yo. Youse want
to throw down
and settle this now?
Oh, yeah, monkey boy?
Bring it on.
[Hip-hop music starts]
Break dancing?
Oh, it's pathetic.
Looks like you's a whimp.
A 'ight?
Go 'head, do it.
Oh! Yeah!
My sciatica.
Mess with me,
I'll vote you
under the table.
Yeah. Thanks a lot, fu.
Jake! The necklace
the sewer trolls
gave you.
I knew
I'd seen it before.
Hand it over,
old timer.
Mees take a look.
Fu dog, did you allow
your license to expire?
Uh-uh. Don't play me
the chump, chimp.
Does anything
in this picture
bother you?
Whoa. The queen
of cruel is wearing
the Jewel.
Yeah. How about you let
the rest of us in
on your little
"aha!" Moment?
You guys remember Chang.
Was good, turned evil.
Plotted with
the dark dragon
so magical creatures
could rule the earth.
And unravels your pink
Bahamas sunset sweater
with her lies?
Yeah. I know it.
I know it well.
Well, if Chang's necklace
is in New York,
and if she's here,
none of us are safe.
But isn't she doing
hard time in
the magical slammer?
Yo, yo. We best be taking
a little look see
at the lock up den.
Thanks, but I think
fu and I can
handle it.
Actually, kid,
if the dmc catches me
working without a license,
sorry. But you're gonna
have to do this one
without me.
Uh, gramps.
This is Ellis island.
In one dimension, yes.
[Speaking in foreign language]
Jake: Whoa!
There she is.
Just like I told you.
Hasn't eaten or spoken
in 10 days.
Chang. That is all
I need to know.
Hmm. Yo, yo. Check it.
Chang speak no evil.
Chang eat no evil.
Chang be no evil?
Open your eyes,
maybe you can see
all we've got here
is doppelganger chi.
That was her chi
I must go report the news
to the dragon council.
Surely Chang
is assembling an army
to resume her quest
for power
over creatures both
magical and human.
So what should we
do, kid?
A little research?
Some surveillance?
That sounds like
animal guardian talk, yo.
Which is a big no no
for an unlicensed bloke
like youse is.
We never would've
figured out Chang escaped
if it weren't
for bananas.
Yeah, right.
And check it.
On the way back,
he offered to do
my homework
and clean my room.
Ah, bangers.
Mees a helper monkey.
It's what mees do.
So don't sweat
your license thing.
Sure bananas
has his quirks,
but maybe
having him around
isn't gonna be so bad
after all.
Yo, youse be wanting
extra credit in algebra?
Algebro. Funny.
You know, Jake also
be a little hungry.
Then I'll
I'll whip you up
a little kibble nachos.
It's not assembled.
Hey, not assembled.
There you go.
Mmm. Thanks, b.
No way. Level 76?
I've only been there once.
Got dissected
by a zombie doctor.
Oh, no. You should
recheck the memory card.
Yo, so move it up
to level 76.
So youse can play 77.
Whoa! That's like
the coolest thing
anyone's ever
done for me.
I would've
done that for you.
You don't play
video games.
Bangers. Level 77.
No way!
No! Fu, don't!
I can take you higher.
I can--what's that sound?
Is it good?
Did I win something?
I'm being torn apart
by zombie burros.
Yeesh, these things
are violent.
Yo, yo. Mees can
walk you to school,
can't me?
Yeah, cool.
Youse totally can.
Uh, Jake?
I hate to ask,
but my license
renewal exam
is an animal guardian
guardee field test.
So I kind of need you
to be there.
Right. I can count on you,
right, Jake?
Great. Dmc. 4 o'clock.
I'll see you there.
Bananas has gone
from bogus to bonus.
He did my homework.
Got me up to level 77,
and searched the web
for the 10 best
bridesmaids catching
the bouquet wipeout
I don't mean to crash
your hard drive.
But what about fu?
Oh, fu. Yeah.
Well, with fu
I always feel like
I'm pulling all the weight
in our friendship.
But with bananas,
it's different.
It's like I can actually
count on him
to be there for me
and help me out no matter--
Jake long has brought
an animal to school?
Whoa, wait.
You can't punish me.
I'm not even
in school yet.
Oh, hello.
A sweet, little monkey.
Oh, he reminds me
of Mr. Richerschnot,
who was a street performer
on the corner I lived
as a child.
Oh, he was
My only friend.
A monkey
was your only friend?
He had mites, and he was
a common pickpocket,
but what are a few
deutsche marks
between friends.
Come, little monkey man.
Come to my classroom.
See, bonus.
I am the sweater.
You bury it,
you bury me.
How was I supposed to know
the sweater represented
our whole friendship?
Read the tag!
"This sweater represents
our whole friendship."
Goodbye, sweet monkey friend.
What? Where's my wallet?
Oh, boy. Come on.
Oh, boy.
Come on, kid.
It's test time.
Don't do this to me.
Yeah, Jake.
So cool, man.
No problem. He's got it.
[Beep] Yeah, Jake.
So where are you?
My test is starting in--
Dog comma fu.
If you do not have
a magical guardee,
one will be
appointed for you.
Yeah, I'll be needing that.
Mr. Krunkers!
You will be tested
on speed,
agility, and strength.
You have to be kidding me.
I had to test
the building, too.
Why so many? Why?
I got him. I got him.
Mr. Krunkers,
take it easy.
Whoa! Down!
Oh, your monkey
is so cute.
Here's my number.
Give me a call sometime.
And it just keeps
getting better.
Huh. One missed call.
Fu? Oh, no! Fu!
Oh, man!
Jakey, I know
you're diggin' bananas,
but you and fu,
you got a history.
You can't just
dis him like this.
That is your best friend.
Freaky faults and all.
Yeah, but
it's too late now.
It's not too late
to go home and see
how the test went.
And, you know,
be his friend.
I'll meet you over there.
I got a little something
I need to dig up.
Add a pinch
of leprechaun dust.
A pinch of
tree nip husks.
No! No! Ah, blue.
Can't move.
I'm sorry.
You failed the test.
Your animal magical
guardian license
is revoked
for one year.
Good. 'Cause you're
a lousy animal guardian.
Good day to you, sir.
A year?
I can't believe Jake
didn't have my back
it's kind of like how I
didn't have his back
when he needed me.
You know, I bet if I
look hard enough,
there's a lesson in here
Hey, fu. How'd it go?
Come on. I know it was
seriously uncool
I wasn't there.
But fu?
This is the part
where I say,
Lao chi's grandson.
We meet again.
Let go!
Hands off the friendship
sweater, troll dude.
Too bad I convinced
the sewer trolls
it was in their
best interest to join me.
Now revenge will be mine.
Your grandfather
turned me in.
Let's see what I can do
to hurt him like that.
Oh, yes. Slay his
dragon grandson.
Wait. You guys are on
her side now?
Don't you get it?
Chang attacked you
in the sewers.
The great thing
about trolls,
dumb as custard.
And yet so helpful
of the little things.
Like world domination
and slaying dragons.
But first, let's dispense
of the extra baggage.
Somehow I always knew
it would end this way.
That's my best friend
you're stilettoing, baby.
Someone should really
take out the trash.
Jake, make it easy
on yourself.
Alone you are
no match for me.
He's not alone now,
is he, mate?
I should finish you here,
I can lure your grandfather
to my lair.
You are finished
here and now.
Come on, bananas.
Make a move.
Youse wouldn't be needing
a helpful monkey,
would youse?
What? What are you doing?
Mees work for peanuts.
Fu would never--
Me's not fu now, is me?
I like your style, monkey.
Not that ridiculous
track suit,
but your no scruples style.
Yo, yo. Least me wasn't
wearing something
as ridiculous
as them two sweaters.
Hey! No one disses
the friendship sweater but me.
You got that?
You like me.
You really like me.
Leave now.
[Can rattles]
Hey, fu.
She's gonna make
dragon fricassee
for sure.
Don't worry.
I got Jake's back.
If I win, you tell me
where Chang took
the American dragon.
Got it? Hey, Esmeralda.
Eyes back in your head.
All: Huh? What?
If you guys
are trolling for trouble,
you've just found it.
Get him!
That's what I call
trolling for dollars.
Must I do everything myself?
That is just
to hold you still.
This next blast
will finish you.
Can't move.
At least Mr. Krunkers
was good for something.
One dog comma fu
at your service.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, I know. So am I.
Fu, get out of here.
With or without a license,
I'm responsible for you.
'Cause you're my best bud,
and I couldn't
live without you.
I'll be back
for you
and your grandfather.
Kid, I'll be fine.
Go after her.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Look, fu may not be
the most responsible
animal guardian,
and he's got something
I didn't show
a lot of this week.
Bottom line,
this dog's got my back
no matter how lazy
or rude or annoying or
Yeah, kid. Overstate
the point there. Please.
So we're good?
We are if you have a 9.
Since you found the love
for our friendship
I decided to give you
a friendship beanie, too.
Lucky me.
What did I tell myself
ai-ya. We're just
playing a friendly
game of cards.
Magical animals have a long
and proud history
of adding a little color
to the english language.
Earlier you saw where
the phrase "cardshark"
comes from.
Now wonder no more
about the origins
and look no further
for the original
lounge lizard.
Of course, we had our share
of misses, too.
But hey, you know,
goose pimples had to come
from somewhere.
No, no. Cut to
the castle logo quick.
Whoo! That was a close one.
Previous EpisodeNext Episode