American Dragon: Jake Long (2005) s02e27 Episode Script

Bite Father, Bite Son

Happy "take your child
to work" day, jakers!
Oh, just think:
Father and son,
side by side,
sweating for
their daily bacon.
Um, what's this?
Well, on the very first
t.Y.C.W. Day,
when cave man took cave boy
to hunt brontosaurs,
he furnished him
with a crude spear.
And thus I furnish thee
in the wilds
of wealth management.
Ha ha ha!
Go ahead, open it.
It's a compound interest
calculator. Oh, yeah!
A financial planner's
weapon of mass deduction!
Ha ha ha!
A little play on--
Say, you seem a little
down in the dumpy.
What's wrong,
Jake Michigan?
Nothing, it's just
Flying jetfighters
with her dad.
Jake: Spud's chilling
with his mom
at the restaurant.
Woman: 5 minutes
to doors open, Arthur.
The tables are set,
the candles are lit,
and the pizza time players
are disinfected.
Jake: Even Brad's
having fun.
Bradster and dadster
on the beat.
I dare any perps
to perpetrate.
So you like being
a lawman, eh, Brad?
Ooh! Ooh! Can I do
the "whoop-whoop" again?
Ha ha ha!
Jake: No offense,
but compared
with all that,
punching numbers
is kind of dull.
Ha ha!
Are you kidding me?!
We'll have
a heck of a time!
When we work hard,
we play hard!
That's right,
first thing tomorrow
I'm taking you
to build sandcastles
on rockaway beach.
Oh, you always
love that.
Your grandpa long
took me there when
I was a nipper,
I've taken you for years,
and someday,
you'll go there
with your boy-child.
Like father, like son.
High tide's a-coming,
Jake-arooni junior!
Better paddle
your saddle
back to the old daddle.
Oh, man!
He's cool, he's hot,
like a frozen sun ♪
He's young and fast,
he's the chosen one ♪
People, we're not braggin' ♪
He's the American dragon ♪
He's gonna stop his enemies
with his dragon powers ♪
Dragon teeth, dragon tail ♪
Burnin' dragon fire ♪
A real live wire ♪
American dragon! ♪
He's the American dragon! ♪
His skills are getting faster,
with grandpa master ♪
His destiny
will walk up streets ♪
It's showtime, baby,
for the legacy ♪
American dragon! ♪
Yahoo ♪
Man with accent:
Hey, New York City!
And baseball players
with stripy pants
and Chicago-style pizza!
If I can make it here,
I will make it
[Speaking with accent]
Enough, you mule!
Do not forget
our purpose here.
Only the blood
of the American dragon--
Second man with accent:
You will excuse
my brothers, mama.
You know how much
they love the NYC.
Please, guide us
to the beast.
What do you see?
I see the dragon's true form.
He is human masculine
With sharp, pointy hair.
We we find him
at this address:
182 shorn eagle.
Sleep well, my queen.
When you wake,
you will drink
from the dragon.
Time to get
the old blood pumping.
Nothing like
a little cardio before work
to start
the ticker talking!
["Walking on sunshine"
Dad? What are you doing?
It's called "ju-jazzu"!
ground-fighting moves
set to up-tempo
jazz standards.
I'll show you.
Widow-maker punch!
Monkey steals the peaches!
Lotus throat strike!
And jazz hands!
Aw, someone's
going to see me.
Gotta get out of sight!
Second man with accent:
We have found him,
The American dragon.
Father: Someday, boy,
all this can be yours.
Well, this, anyway.
Nothing fancy,
just a few accouterments
to brighten up
my corner of the world.
Bobble-head kitten.
Zen garden.
Hula girl.
Rude noisemaker.
[Farting noises]
Oh, Jake! Oh! Whew!
Can you believe
this guy? Wow!
Oh, it's
the head cheese,
Mr. Lockjelly!
You seem to have missed
my memo, Jonathan,
"'take your child to work' day
must not interfere
"with the daily doings
of this company.
"All offspring will report
to the copy room immediately,
where they will be put to work
collating documents."
Whoa, hold up!
I've got to make
If it's good enough
for my daughter,
it's good enough for you.
You willing to do
your part for the firm?
Trading paper cuts
with lockjelly junior?
Can this day get any--
Hey! Marnee lockjelly.
Uh, Jake. Jake long.
So, what can
I help you with?
Hmm. You could start
by cutting these out.
They're flyers
for my party tonight.
Oh, my dad's
kind of a dweeb,
he said if I put up
with him today,
the house is mine
Hah! I think my dad's
got yours beat
in the dweeb department.
'Tis I,
spreadsheet beard!
Yup, you win.
Lockjelly: Jonathan!
From a major cosmetics
firm just walked in,
and for some reason,
they're asking for you.
I want you to see
the old man in action.
Around here, they call me
"king conference,
eighth wonder
of the all-purpose room."
Uh ugh
Can I take your coats,
Or your umbrellas?
No, thank you,
Mr. Long.
We are quite
Well, perhaps you'd care
for a hot beverage
from our brouhaha 4000
Espresso machine?
Can I pull you boys a shot?
To meet with you
privately, Mr. Long.
Perhaps we could
step out for a bite?
Well, it's a tad early
for lunch,
don't you think?
Especially if
the scenery's this office.
Who likes Italian?
Spud: Welcome
to familio festevedro's,
where we'll never
let you frown.
Would you signores
like a seat on the terrazzo?
Sure! That sounds won--
Ahem. My partners and I
are sensitive
to the light.
We must insist
on a booth indoors,
away from any windows.
Right this way, sir.
Isn't "take your child
to work" day
the funnest
holiday ever?
Well, I mean, besides
the peristalegic equinox
commonly known
as "schmingus-dingus"?
Oh, well--
Woman: Arthur!
That a very important
v.I.P. Is on his way
In the 5 burroughs,
judge glamis cutler!
He writes
for the "bugle."
A 5-star review
in "food court"
could triple
our business!
Copy that, maminski!
The minute he walks
through that
Arthur, quick!
Show him a table!
Welcome to
familio festevedro's,
your lordship.
In honor of "take your
child to work" day,
to help me review
your establishment.
Lenny's celebrating
a birthday.
Aren't you, Lenny?
If he's happy,
I'm happy.
Hey, old chap,
you like pizza pie?
I've got to visit
the little financial
planners room.
Yeah, me too.
Let me get this
straight, kid.
These guys have
carrot-red hair,
no reflection,
and hate the sun?
All right, I've got
an idea who your latkes are,
but I could be wrong.
I hope I am.
Nope, I'm right!
Oh, curse
my encyclopedic knowledge!
Fu: Well, they're
kind of like vampires,
except vampires
feed on human blood,
and strigoi feed on
Well yours.
Their mother, queen Liliana,
has psychic visions
that pinpoint
the dragon's locations.
Drinking dragon blood
to keep themselves alive.
They can walk freely
in the daylight.
It might as well
be 200 degrees in the shade.
So this whole
cosmetics company thing
is just a scam
to take a bite out of me?
Father: Who are you
talking to, jakers?
Oh, just fu foot
My foot doctor.
So you say a topical cream
should stop the itching?
Oh! Yipes!
Well, don't be long.
Our guests
are famished.
I can't dragon up
around dad.
You gotta think, kid.
Is there any way
of getting him
I don't know,
some kind of distraction?
It's birthday time
for you ♪
And since it is
your birthday ♪
We'll sing
a song for you ♪
Fu: Jake!
What's all that racket?
Our distraction.
Alone at last.
Hurry! The dragon
is getting away!
Uh say what?
They're after
the American dragon,
all right
spud: we wish you
happy birthday ♪
We hope you stay awhile ♪
And all that we require ♪
Is just a little smile ♪
But they think it's dad!
Both: Oh, man!
Dad! Watch out!
Aah! Sunlight!
Quickly, brothers.
What do you mean,
they just left?
Father: Well, upside is,
we saved the company
trust me,
those fellas were eyeing
the veal scaloppini.
Plus, they rescheduled
for later tonight.
Said something
about meeting
just after sunset.
I guess they're still
on transylvania time.
That's 200.
Actually, 199.
That's yours.
So, hmm, will I see
you there tonight?
Sure. I'd love--
Wait. I can't.
Uh, I mean, I have to save
some time for my dad.
Don't you think
you've done enough
father-son bonding
I've done enough
for a lifetime.
The whole day,
my dad's been saying,
"when you
grow up, jakeroo,"
yeah, but what if I don't
want to be just like him?
Plus, my name's Jake,
not Jake-o-lantern,
not the junior senator from
the great state of jakansas.
Uh, Jake?
What's wrong? Dad.
Sorry, I was--
I was just--
Hey, hey, that's ok, jaker,
heck, I--i used to think
my old man was a square, too.
I suppose dissing your dad's
a part of being a teenager.
Oh, jeeps, look at the time.
I--i gotta vamoose.
Hey, check it out, Leonard.
I'm a boneless chicken!
Check, please.
No! Wait!
Hey, do you like
parlor tricks, Leonard?
Spud the spudnificent
will now remove this tablecloth
without disturbing
your dinnerware.
Heh. Simple physics, really,
objects at rest
tend to stay at rest.
And a one, and a two,
and a 3!
I hate physics.
We've seen enough.
No, no, no,
don't go!
Ahh, look, Leonard,
I'm monkey boy.
I could just scream.
Trixie: Waaa-hoo!
Trixie? Honey?
I'm glad you like
the flight simulator,
but it's time to let
the cadets take a turn.
Ugh. Tell 'em to keep
their jumpsuits on.
The strigoi
are expert
dragon slayers, kid.
They advise
their compadres
all over the globe.
Yeah? Well, these punks
never met the amdrag.
Oh, yeah?
Well, tell that
to the frandrag,
the candrag,
and the azerbaijandrag.
That's why we're
sending you in
with a secret weapon--
Solar sand.
It's the latest
in instant sunshine.
Just blow a little fire
on these beauties.
Once they've reached
the right temperature, boom!
Those pasty punks
will get the suntan
of their lives.
But use caution,
young dragon.
Your father must not
see your magic.
I got it covered, g.
While I'm
fighting vampires,
dad'll be fighting
the law.
Driving with
a busted taillight?
That's a moving violation.
Guess that
anonymous tip was solid.
Heh heh.
Local plates
and an "I heart A.M. radio"
bumper sticker.
[Siren wailing]
Brad on bullhorn:
Pull it over, longhair.
Oh, fiddle-faddle!
[Siren wailing]
[Liliana gasping for air]
You will be restored
to your former vigor,
nourished by the sweet
nectar of dragon blood.
Is a knuckle sandwich
with a side of smack and cheese.
The dragon!
[All growling]
Wow. This is way too easy.
You know, for big-shot
dragon exterminators,
your game's kinda weak.
Uhh! Ohh!
Time to wrap this up
with my secret weapon.
Funny, that's just
what I was thinking.
Sphinx hair.
In our native tongue,
it is known as
talisman kill dragonosa.
Available commercially
as dragon-be-gone.
Can you feel
your power fading,
your vitality
leaking out?
In seconds,
you'll be helpless,
lifeless, like
a fluffy, little
Please, please, please,
please, please.
Be my guest.
What was that?
A flying chande-kick.
What? He did it
to me.
Jake? Jake.
Who hurt you?
Stay here, son.
No! Dad!
Hi-yah! Yah! Yah!
I suppose you think that
sphinx hair is useless
against your human form.
A common mistake.
You you hurt my Jake.
Nobody does that.
You named your
dragon self Jake?
Don't let him
tease you.
I named my fangs
lefty and bitey.
Dad. No.
[All growling]
[Punching, groaning]
[Karate shouts]
Dragon, up.
Dragon, up!
Jake's father:
[Karate shouts]
I don't understand.
Sphinx hair
has no effect.
Wa-cha! Ha!
Buck and wing,
buck and wing, wooyaah!
Why'd you
steal the peaches?
Eee! Jazz hands!
Dad. [Grunting]
We have delivered
the American dragon.
Let the feast begin!
[Snarls] What?
Who--who is this?
What do you mean, mama?
This is the dragon.
You ninnies!
The dragon I saw
was small,
yo, don't forget
rock star handsome.
There he is.
That is the dragon!
Get him!
Oh, coffee's ready.
What better way
to greet the dawn?
All: Ohh!
This elixir should
restore your father
to full health.
Shouldn't we
wipe his memory
while we're at it?
No need.
When he wakes,
a strange meeting with
aggressive out-of-town clients.
Yeah, but, see,
I said some stuff
to dad
I kind of want
to erase.
I said I don't want
to be like him.
Jake, do you know why
you were chosen
as the American dragon?
It is true
your dragon powers
but the dragon council
considers both parents.
Your human father may be
a bit, well, odd, uh,
but he is also courageous,
kind, and honest,
an example for you
to follow.
Dad? Time to wake up.
[Passing gas]
Someone's been hitting
the 3-bean salad.
Oh! Hey, there,
[Yawns] So, what were
you doing here tonight?
Are you kidding?
I couldn't resist
seeing king conference
in action.
[Cell phone ringing]
One sec, dad.
Hi, marnee.
You missed
my party tonight.
Yeah. About that, I--
I don't want an apology,
just a rain check.
What are you
doing tomorrow?
I'm really sorry, marnee,
but I've kind of
got other plans.
Yeah, you too.
Well, dad, we better
rest up for tomorrow.
We got a big day
at rockaway beach.
Ok, what's the damage?
Here we go,
uh, food court.
Familio festevedro's
gets 2 1/2 stars.
Oh, I knew it.
Aw, mom, I'm sorry
I let you down.
Oh! Nonsense, Arthur.
Your effort was worth
all the stars in the sky.
Oh, who cares about
some professional
uh, mom?
I think the judge's scale
is 3 stars.
2 1/2 out of 3?
That's--that's like
an "a-"!
Check it out. [Reading]
Familio festevedro's
is a treasure.
We were truly charmed by
our high-energy waiter--
that's me.
My son Leonard
was recovering
from a root canal
and due to a high dose
of muscle relaxant,
couldn't smile or eat
solid foods,
but when
we got home,
he exclaimed
Papa, this was the best
day of my life.
[Breathing heavily]
Oh. Coffee's ready.
What better way
to greet the dawn?
Hey! How come I never get
to do the clever exit line?
I'd be great. Watch.
Sting for your supper,
Now, that's what I call
making a splash.
Hey, huntsman, you just
got sucked into
a vortex.
Ah, you deep in
the heart of vortex?
It's au revoirtex?
I got nothing.
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