American Dragon: Jake Long (2005) s02e30 Episode Script

Being Human

My name is Jake long,
and I'm the American dragon.
Only, this is the week I wasn't.
It's kind of a long story.
Here. I'll show you what I mean.
I'm over the target.
Definitely. You ready
to rock 'n' roll, spud?
[Theme playing]
he's cool, he's hot,
like the frozen-- ♪
Trixie: Spud!
[Music stops]
Ok, I've tapped
into the 32nd street
traffic signal,
which will be turning
red right about
[Taps key]
[Tapping key]
Hey, look, guys.
I'm making the cowboy
do a hoedown.
Jake and Trixie: Spud!
Right. More focus.
You guys sure
you're down?
This mission
could get dangerous.
Me and spud
will use these hooks
to rappel down--
Ohh! Ohh!
Both: Uhh-aah!
It's official.
I've become spud.
Come on. If we're
gonna intercept
this stuff,
it's now or never.
Whoa. They're more beautiful
than a school of mermaids.
More valuable
than leprechaun gold.
Jake: And they're ours.
All: Sneak peek
at the new yearbooks!
He's cool, he's hot
like a frozen sun ♪
He's young and fast,
he's the chosen one ♪
we're not braggin' ♪
He's the American dragon ♪
He's gonna stop
his enemies ♪
Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burnin' dragon fire ♪
A real live wire ♪
American dragon ♪
American dragon ♪
He's the American dragon ♪
His skills are
gettin' faster ♪
With grandpa,
the master ♪
His destiny
will walk up streets ♪
It's showtime, baby,
for the legacy ♪
American dragon ♪
Jake: I'm a dragon ♪
I'm not braggin',
it's my destiny ♪
I'm the magical protector
from the N.Y.C. ♪
Ya heard? ♪
American dragon ♪
American dragon ♪
Trixie: Only 4 more days
'til graduation,
and, boy, we are
goin' out in style.
We got our yearbooks
7 whole hours
before everyone else.
Oh, advance
yearbook copy,
how I love your look,
your touch, your smell.
Ok, eww, not your smell.
Unh! Unh!
Stupid yearbook.
What's up,
baby jakie?
As you were flipping through
our middle school memories?
Odd as in
Mrs. Merker's mustache
seems to have been
airbrushed out?
Odd as in there were
no memories of me.
I'm nowhere in here.
So why weren't you around?
I mean, where were you
on class picture day?
and class ditch day?
And the eighth grade
midnight masquerade?
Let's see.
Saving the city
from the huntsman,
and saving the city
from an evil wizard
with bad sleeping habits.
[Sighs] Guys,
middle school's
over in 4 days,
and thanks to dragon business,
I've totally missed out.
Things have mellowed
on the magical
front, right?
I mean, as long as
they stay that way,
you'll still be able
to partake of.
Caroline's and carmine's
make fun of rotwood party.
Maybe you're right.
I'm gonna juice
every minute of middle school
for all it's--
Grandpa: Jake, come to
grandpa's shop!
There is a critical
dragon emergency!
what's the emergency?!
Haley: Wow.
Jake's response time
was over 12 minutes.
I composed my first symphony
in just under 9.
Dragon business
may be slow, young one,
but that is no excuse
for laziness,
especially since
fu dog and I are
leaving tonight
for our
dragon council retreat.
Me, the old man,
and a bunch of stiffs
talkin' dragon politics
for 3 days.
Somebody pass
the limbo stick.
No, really, pass it to me.
I wanna whack myself
senseless with it.
Jake, while
your grandfather's away,
you'll be training
with me and Haley.
You shall spend the week
with sun and Haley
reviewing 2,000 years
of dragon council bylaws.
Aw, come on, g.
It's the last week
of middle school.
Can't I just get
a few days to hang
with my peeps and
Young dragon,
your magical
must not be
by chilling and
hanging with peeps.
You don't see fu dog
trying to get out
of his magical dut--
fu dog, hands off
the limbo stick!
You take all the fun.
You know that?
Sorry I'm late, coach!
I overslept and--
Uh, did I miss something?
Only my hi-larious scheme
which resulted in Stacey
being my graduation partner.
And Kyle picked me
to walk down
the graduation aisle
with him,
the Kyle Wilkins.
Have I mentioned
that he is fine--
All: Like lemon-lime
in the summertime.
Wait. We get to pick
graduation partners?
Yeah. Well, uh, rotwood
made the announcement
this morning,
so we all picked,
and you kinda
just missed it.
I was up late
dragon training,
and I overslept.
And--and--and did somebody
pick Danica honeycutt,
sorry, jakie,
but all the girls have
already been spoken for.
not every girl.
Jake, meet
the school's cpr
training dummy.
Ok, I know she's
not much to look at,
but she cleans up
real nice.
I can't take it
any more!
The never-ending
dragon training,
the complete lack
of a social life,
and now
my only possible
graduation partner
is a stupid cpr dummy?!
[Air escaping]
Words hurt, Jake.
Plug your ear holes
Guys, I need a break
from being the am drag
not forever,
not even a month,
just a week.
Is that so much to ask?
But I'm guessing the job
of American dragon
didn't exactly come
with vacation days.
Maybe not,
but there's gotta be
something I can do
to catch a break.
Brad, loudspeaker:
Attention, fellow filmorians.
Thanks to the fine folks
at Murray's gag shop,
the bradster's fourth annual
end-of-eighth-grade prank
is about to splat
into action.
It looks like an ordinary
desserty treat on the outside,
but when rotwood
cuts into it,
and as long as you
little potty-squatters
keep your traps shut,
he'll never find out it's me.
So Brad's suspended?
You call the whole class
someone's bound to rat.
Who knew cake could do that
to a man's face?
You know, I never understood
the whole suspension thing.
You do something bad,
and your punishment
is that you don't have to go
to school for a week?
Hold up. I just
figured out how to get
my normal life back.
Spud, you're a genius.
Section 8,
subsection 14,
paragraph "b."
"Behavior deemed irresponsible
by the dragon council
"shall result
in the immediate suspension
"of all dragon
powers and responsibilities
for the duration
of one week."
Wait. You're not
I'm calling grandpa.
And pass up being
the American dragon
for a week?
I don't--pass--drag--
Uh, what, now?
You do know that
you're next in line
if I'm deemed unfit
to perform my
am drag duties, right?
As in "American dragon:
Haley long"?
Haley: I'm gonna
stop my enemies
with my dragon power ♪
Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burning dragon fire ♪
A real live wire ♪
Jonas brothers:
American dragon ♪
American dragon ♪
So lay it on me, Jake.
How are we
getting you suspended?
Thanks, hales,
but I got it covered.
Councilor: Look, councilors.
How thoughtful.
The American dragon
sent us a cake.
Who'd like a slice?
Look, really,
I'm sorry about
the cake accident.
I thought it'd be
a nice gesture,
but I must have
put in--i don't know,
too much baking soda?
Poor councilor
I've never seen cake
do that to a man's face.
Per the dragon council
we have no choice
but to officially
suspend you
from the dragon order
for the period
of one week.
I am sorry.
For the next 7 days,
Haley long will step up
as the new American dragon.
Wow. I'm actually human.
This is gonna be--
To describe the power
of what we are about
to unleash upon the world.
Right. You know
what word is more awesome
than "awesome"?
Or we's could stick
with "awesome."
Once our spell is complete,
all humankind shall bow
before their new masters,
and no one,
not even the American dragon,
will stop us.
[Evil laughter]
[Hooting laughter]
Ahh, just hasn't got
the same ring.
A cell phone so I can
alert you when there's
a magical emergency,
and this is madge,
the motivational
for when things
get stressful.
You're special.
Oh, sun, I'm Haley,
the new and improved
American dragon.
I grind up stress
for breakfast and
sprinkle it on my oatmeal.
Unlike Jake, I will not
be letting anyone down.
Gramps, I'm really sorry
I let you down.
I just don't understand
how this could've happened.
Bad recipe, I guess.
But trust me,
I'm gonna spend
these next few days
as a powerless human
reflecting on
the carelessness
of my actions.
[Imitating] My name
is principal rotwood,
and I believe
in pixies and fairies,
and I dance a mean
Hooduh hooduh,
heeduh heeduh ♪
Hooduh hooduh, blah ♪
Dude, this is the best
make fun of rotwood party ever!
Jake's rotwood
impression rocks!
Haley: Unh!
Oh, Haley,
that was perfect.
Now I just need you
to do the same thing
199 more times.
There's a party
over here ♪
Got some kicks on my feet ♪
And some rocks
in my ear ♪
All: What?
[Microphone feedback]
[School bell rings]
What? But, Ms. Birch,
I've never been tardy
my whole life.
I was up late last night
with my dragon--
I mean,
gagging problems.
'Cause I ate some
Rotten tacos.
Sun, are you sure
this qualifies as
a magical emergency?
Was careless enough
to flush her wedding ring
down the drain,
shouldn't she be the one
down here looking for it?
[Deep breath]
Great impression
of rotwood the other day.
Seriously, I don't
know how this week
can get any better?
I, uh--i haven't seen you
around much since
Since we went out
and you freaked out?
Yeah. Did I mention
I was sorry?
About 263 times.
I started forgiving you
somewhere in the 240s.
[School bell rings]
I, uh, need to go
talk to rotwood.
Since Brad
got suspended,
I'm kinda
graduation partnerless.
What?! Me, too.
Why don't we--
Well, you know,
go together?
You and me?
Listen, I had a lot
of stuff going on back
when we were hanging out,
but all that's behind me now.
Come on.
You and me, one night.
No flakiness.
What do you say?
Well, considering
that my choices
I'd have to say
you're definitely
the better option.
So it's a date?
A date it is.
You know, little man,
it's almost like
graduation's got some kind of
cosmic calming effect on you.
I have never seen you
so relaxed.
Madge: You're special.
You're special.
You're special.
Honey, are you ok?
We had a test
a school today.
I didn't have time
to study,
and I f-f-failed.
There I said it.
What?! No.
It's just a minor
adjustment period.
I'll be fine.
Really. I
[Cellphone ring tone]
I need you to meet me
at magus bazaar immediately.
Uh, sure thing,
old man Witherspoon.
I'll puck up some
of that bunion cream,
and I'll be over
My, um, adopt-a-senior.
Don't wait up.
Now that's what
I call an entrance.
Quickly, my pet.
Find me hydra scales
and a Phoenix feather,
and our spell will be
nearly complete.
How about I impede
your forward progress
Hah hah!
But we really
need to work on
your entrance lines.
So Jake long
sent little sis and
her dragon master
in contrast,
defeating you both
won't be work at all.
Come on, come on.
[Gasps] Bangers!
Hydra scales
and a Phoenix feather.
I's got it.
Oh, no, you don't,
Get off me!
Haley: Move over!
Essence of troll, eh?
Let's see
what this does.
Yo, changy Chang,
we's got the goods.
Let's blow this crib.
The important thing is
that you are both ok.
Ok? You call this ok?
Not only did I
let Chang get away,
I've got a troll face!
Aw, come on, Haley.
You look cute.
[Gags] I mean, you know,
you look precious.
[Gags] Aw,
who are we kiddin'?
Your face looks like
your neck threw up.
Essence of troll
usually wears off
in a couple of
Oh, boy. Hey, sun,
what ingredients did you
say Chang escaped with?
Hydra scales and
a Phoenix feather. Why?
Well, according
to this journal,
in a spell that will
bring the dark dragon
back to power.
"And with the drop
of a Phoenix feather,
the dragon of darkness
shall rise from the ashes."
But for it to be complete,
she'll need something else.
Tch'i of
the American dragon.
It says here a drop
of blood would work, too,
but she really avoids
the ick factor.
But why didn't she
come after me when
she had the chance?
Well, because as far
as she knows, kid,
the American dragon
isn't you, it's--
Jake, hey, they handed out
caps and gowns early,
so I picked yours up
for you.
Hope that's all right.
Hard to believe we're
graduating tonight, huh?
But at the same time,
it's nice to finally
close that chapter and
move on to something new.
I know exactly
what you mean.
See you
in a couple of hours?
Wouldn't miss it
for the world.
Tsk tsk, Mr. Long.
Hasn't anyone
taught you it's rude
to make promises
you can't keep.
Chang? Dragon u--
Aw, man!
Jake should have
been home hours ago.
We found his backpack
on the sidewalk.
Chang must've
already gotten to him.
This is all my fault.
I had the chance to stop him
from pulling that prank
on the council, and now--
Oh, look.
Azaleas are in bloom.
Jake ditched his
American dragon duties
on purpose?
[Speaking cantonese]
Hey, when was the last time
either of you were
the American dragon?
Well, as the little
troll girl currently
filling the position,
I can't imagine
doing it 2 more days,
let alone 2 more years.
And to think
about everything
Jake's gone through,
he's had to save
magical creatures
on a daily basis,
lie to his own dad
about who he is,
all to protect
a mystical world that
nobody knows about.
He may be
the American dragon,
but he's also
a 14-year-old kid
who just wanted
a couple days off.
If that makes him
immature, fine,
but self-serving?
With all due respect
to both of you, step off!
Heh. I crossed the line
with that "step off" part,
didn't I?
Sun, you and Haley
track down Chang
and rescue Jake.
But, Lao shi,
what about you?
I have something
to take care of.
Uhh! Unh!
Yo, Chang,
nothing personal,
but I kinda got
someplace to be,
silence! These chains
are reinforced
with sphinx hair,
rendering you powerless.
In the meantime,
tch'i of the
American dragon is mine.
Yo, changity Chang,
say them magic words.
And with the drop
of a Phoenix feather,
the dragon of darkness
shall rise from the ashes.
But the ending's
not really living up
to the hype.
Can I go now?
Why didn't the spell work?
Wait. Jake's ch'i should have
taken dragon form.
What are you sayin',
then, he's not a dragon?
'Cause that would mean--
Haley: That you
answer to me.
Ya heard?
Ohh! Unh!
What happened to your face?
[Cellphone ring tone]
Never mind.
Cover me for a sec.
It's what I do.
Yo, jakie,
where are you?
about to start,
and Danica's
been asking about you.
a little late,
but hey,
it's what I do.
You and spud
cool to--
Hey, baby,
it's what we do.
Hey, yo!
Stop the music!
[Microphone feedback]
To Arthur spudinski
and his, uh
Comedy stylings.
Whah! I ca--i, uh
Oh. Hey, uh
[Armpit popping
Mary had a little lamb]
Sun park, I thought
you were all about
peace and love.
And what I'd really love
is to give you
a piece of this.
So I'm thinking
Jake long
is no longer
the American dragon,
and since little sister
is next in line,
that would mean you've
got something I want.
Leave her along,
Unh! Uhh!
Who are you
to tell me what to do?
His name
is Jake long,
and he is
the American dragon.
My dragon ch'i.
But, gramps,
how did you--
An early graduation gift
from the dragon council.
You've earned it.
How very touching.
that ch'i is mine.
No worries, Chang.
I'll save you.
Not today, monkey. Hah!
Aah! Out of my way,
you buggy troll girl.
Jake, look out!
Being the American dragon
kind of rocks.
Oh, and speaking of rocks
As I've said before
and will surely say
many times to come,
gramps, listen.
There's something
I need to tell you.
About the cake accident, I--
It wasn't an accident.
I know,
and as a punishment,
I'm cutting
your dragon training
in half this summer.
Listen, I totally under--
Jake, I train you hard
because I know the enemies
you have to face.
But at the same time,
you're only
14 years old.
You deserve some time
to chill and hang
with your peeps.
And there's no reason
why Haley can't fill in
from time to time.
She did a great job
this week.
You most certainly did,
but a quick piece of advice.
Stay away from
essence of troll.
We have a graduation
to attend.
Jake: So there you have it,
the week I wasn't
the American dragon.
That night at graduation,
I got to thinking.
Being human was a wake-up call.
Sure there have been
some tough times,
but having magical powers
has kind of rocked,
and not just in a saving
the people I care about
kind of way,
but in a cool,
everyday kind of way, too.
I mean, don't get me wrong.
Having a secret double life is
always gonna be a balancing act,
but with the help
of my friends and family
I know I can totally face
anything life throws at me.
Thanks to an ingenious little
device called voice-over.
So I was thinkin'
why not use voice-over
to let you, the viewer,
hear my deepest,
most personal thoughts?
Huh? Huh? Ahem.
Ok, here goes.
Ah geh geh.
Wait. There's more.
And then pièce de résistance.
Ah goo goo goo, goo goo goo.
What were you expectin',
I'm a dog,
for cryin' out sakes.
Ah geh geh hoo hoo!
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