American Gods (2017) s02e03 Episode Script


World wants to know why Mr.
Wednesday would bring a nobody into his tribe.
I'm just a bodyguard.
- [HIGH-PITCHED WHIRRING] - [GROANING] There's a devil in the French Quarter of New Orleans.
None better with the spice of life than the old Baron.
I need the eyes of Argus on my side to see my enemies.
Make the connection for me.
Ifrit, Grimnir needs you at the Corn Palace.
Ask for Old Iktomi.
To what end? Gungnir.
Find Media.
Oh, Media! Come on.
World wants you.
We will meet in your reincarnation.
Be proud, Betty.
WEDNESDAY [DISTORTED]: Betty the Barbarian, a Berserker! Be proud! Be proud! Valhalla! Betty the Barbarian.
Did we sit on a wall? Did we have a great fall? Shadow's here somewhere.
We have to find him.
Sweeney, pick up the arms and the talkie bits, would you? [COUGHING] Laura! Don't do this.
I've always been a leg man myself, Laura.
[MAD SWEENEY GRUNTING] - Don't help him.
- Pipe down! Believe it or not, I'm helping you.
[CLATTERING] [THUDDING] C'mon! Put her in the trunk! Motherfucker! I trusted you.
WEDNESDAY: Welcome back, Betty.
- [TAPPING TWICE] Shadow! [ECHOING] Shadow! [COUGHING] - You sure you wanna leave the oaf? - LAURA: Shadow! Am I the only one that has faith in Shadow? My faith is waning.
The quickest way for Shadow to get where he's going - is sometimes the longest.
Egyptian? No more.
[BIRD CAWING] [BIRD CAWING] What's the news, Muninn? [BIRD CAWING] Did you find our boy? [BIRD CAWING] Excellent.
You can fuck off now.
IBIS: Right arm.
Five pounds, two ounces.
Loss of one ounce to necrosis plus a quarter ounce of maggots Nature's way of saying you've overstayed your welcome.
You just gonna lie there, let nature have her way with you? Hey! Snap out of it, ya fuckin' cunt! [SCREAMING] [CLATTERING] - Told you not to call me that.
There she is.
[MAD SWEENEY SIGHING] Are you eating me? The funerary arts we practice are ancient.
The deceased don't generally witness them.
You've changed since I last worked on you.
The first time we met, you didn't believe in anything.
But now well It's definitely something.
I believe in Shadow.
And as soon as you've got me all stitched up, I'm gonna do what the Cowardly Lion over there wouldn't let me do before, and I'm gonna save him.
Coward? I saved you.
I'm dead, Coward.
Well, you're welcome for picking up all your gory little fuckin' pieces up off the road! LAURA: I wonder how much longer I'm gonna be fixable.
I mean, how long until all this is just maggots? Can you stop chewing, please? God! Just finish me up! MR.
WEDNESDAY: And can ya hurry it up, Ibis? Mrs.
Moon and I have a date with Argus.
IBIS: That old dog? MR.
WEDNESDAY: No, not Odysseus's mutt.
The man with all the eyes.
Argus Panoptes.
- Argus? - Mm.
To what end? Sorry, why should I help you? Well, those stitches ain't gonna last forever.
IBIS: I give it another week.
WEDNESDAY: My old friend Argus can recharge your coin.
Stop the rot.
He's lyin' to ya.
Argus is nothing but a standard-issue peeping fuckin' Tom.
I'm going to New Orleans, dead wife.
I suggest you come with me.
I can get you what you actually need.
Your man works for me, Mrs.
MAD SWEENEY: Mark my words.
You're gonna need the Baron, dead wife.
I'll see you in New Orleans.
Let's go, Mr.
Thank you.
You're a bigger fool than I thought you were! If you still trust him after Keep an eye out for her dearly beloved.
A little bird told me Shadow's on his way.
Oh, this is heavenly.
And a beautiful angel too.
My goodness, it is so humid out there.
Y'all should get a water.
It's 69 cents plus tax, but it ain't gonna help with the humidity.
And please ignore this.
I went hiking, I may have fallen over.
It's a little bit embarrassing.
Um, I only have a 20 on me.
You got enough singles? Oh, yeah, no problem.
Great, thanks.
So, the water and the map together is $7.
Oh, uh - [DOOR BELL RINGING] - I may have something a little bit smaller.
'Cause, no, I-I don't wanna I don't wanna get all your change there.
So, if I give you three singles, then you can just give me my 20 back.
And I'll take a beautiful smile.
I'll tell you what.
My two kids wiped that smile off my face a long time ago.
- No.
- GIRL: Hey.
That's not right.
He never paid you for that pretty smile.
He don't owe me for that.
Then you don't mind if I take it.
Give me 20 on Pump 2.
CASHIER: Well, that's not up to me.
It's his money.
Trust me.
He doesn't mind.
Well, do you two know each other? Oh, I know him.
[CHUCKLING] Ah, there you go.
Ah thank you.
Thank you.
So, uh how far is that 20 gonna take me? From where you were standing to where you are now.
Look, I I just need to get to Cairo.
It's Cay-row.
Cay-Cay-row? You homeless or something? Ah, heh, no, no, no.
It's just I was just hiking and, and I, I just, I slipped on this rock.
I busted my ass.
Ended up just tearing all down here.
You're a liar.
- [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING] - Hey, can What's that about? Evidence.
Case you turn into a psycho down the road.
Get in.
IBIS: Why Argus? [CAT PURRING] Well, even before her union to Zeus, Hera, Goddess of marriage and childbirth, ruled over the heavens and the Earth.
The wisdom of Zeus is best exemplified in the fear he had of his sister, for she was also his wife.
They fought frequently over his many extramarital affairs and illegitimate children, but in the end, all Gods fall victim to their thirst for worship.
[EERIE MUSIC] The advantage of love at first sight is it doesn't require a second look.
[MECHANICAL TICKING] Zeus saw the River God's beautiful daughter Io, and fell madly in love.
He consummated his desires without any consideration of the consequences.
Displeased with Zeus's infidelity, Hera turned Io into a cow and summoned her servant Argus to keep the heifer away from her husband.
Frustrated by his own desires, Zeus sent Hermes to deliver a fatal message to Argus.
The death of the All-Seeing One angered the Queen of Goddesses.
In an act of vengeance, she channeled her will and Argus was reborn, in America, as the God of Surveillance.
But as his believers waned, so did his sight.
Only his memories remain intact An alliance with the New Gods seems imminent.
He was heading south into Illinois, of all places, with an unidentified female before we lost connection.
I've got nine more on the way.
They'll notify me as soon as they relocate Wednesday's little minion.
And the drone that went down? OPERATOR: I can't confirm the exact location.
The GPS logs were corrupted.
If the network had been upgraded First of all, fuck you.
Second, I told Argus to upgrade this hub eons ago.
I am not some ant-fucking micromanager.
[CHUCKLING] Have you heard of the broken-window theory? A broken window in a nice neighborhood signals to all who see it that the norms have slipped.
Your broken window has signaled to every God that has not chosen a side that my house is not in order.
Get your man in line! [LAUGHING] You do not want me to solve this.
- You text them.
- You will go to him in person.
- Why? - Tradition! We build the new world on top of the ruins of the old.
COMPUTER: Download complete.
Run program.
NEW MEDIA: Oh, that's just so old.
This here is New.
New Media.
Ah, and that's a Happy Birthday to me.
So, what's our play, boys? Argus.
Ah, fuck, yes! The man with the fiber optics! You know, that's my jam.
- Good.
- Ah.
Uh How the fuck is that an upgrade? [BIRD CAWING] LAURA: What is this place again? MR.
WEDNESDAY: Oh, ask the local tinfoil-hat brigade.
They'll tell you it's the secret HQ for the Deep State, the Illuminati, the men in black.
Ask the local council, city hall, they'll tell you, "Ah, it's just a warehouse full of computers.
" LAURA: What's the truth? MR.
WEDNESDAY: Truth is Argus, and the truth doesn't care which version you prefer.
The truth is just information.
And information will win the war for you, if you let it.
- I'm not in a war.
- Oh, you are if you wanna get that heart ticking.
Come on! We're taking the scenic route.
Interesting choice.
Old school.
The fuck are we? We're in a field.
Well, memory of a field.
[DOORS CLOSING] Is he dead? Oh, deader than you.
What did you come back for, anyway? Who is he? That's an old version of Argus, a cast-off husk after he changed into something else.
Now, you revenants, and that's what you are, my dear, you tend to be single use.
You come back to do the one thing, and then slip back off the mortal coil.
So, what's your mission? You know what my mission is: Shadow.
Oh, so, marriage, kids, summer house? I mean, how do you see this ending? - I don't know.
- You don't know.
So, you're working on faith, huh? Well, I definitely wouldn't use that word, but You, uh, came back from the dead, but you're not even curious why? Well, I see a golden beam of light wherever he is, so from where I'm sitting it's pretty cut and dry.
Do you, uh Do you see one here? No.
- Interesting.
- [SIGHING] Shadow made my heart beat again.
He kissed me and my dead fucking heart beat.
That has to count for something.
In death as in life, it's all about Laura Moon.
You saw a light.
Your heart beats.
What about Shadow? What about his heart, huh? He's got a nice stretch of road ahead of him now.
He doesn't want to spend it with a corpse.
You really think you can compete with what I can show him? Yeah, I do actually.
You were beautiful, and kind, and your lover will remember you forever.
Odin thanks you personally for this gift.
[EERIE MUSIC] Jesus Christ.
[KNIFE HITTING THE GROUND] Change requires sacrifice.
[DISSONANT MUSIC] You coming? [FUNKY MUSIC] [SIGHING] - [BARKING] - [SCREAMING] Everybody's talking about the All-American Knocking down walls like a bombardier again Hair falling down like a razor blade Breaking every heart by the way she played Everybody's talking about the All-American Everybody's talking about the All-American If your feet don't fly, hold your breath and count to ten [LOUD MUSIC IN THE DISTANCE] I didn't picture the Corn Palace like this.
In my head it was a lot more yellow.
Like corn.
[CHUCKLES] Roadside attractions are all about the green.
- [COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING] - ANNOUNCER: Alright, guys, you've been waitin' all night for this.
Welcome to the stage the beautiful Tamara! [WHISTLING] Is Old Iktomi a Jinn like you? Iktomi is a shapeshifter and a spider like Mr.
He controls humans like puppets so, whatever you do, do not look him in the eyes.
How did he get Gungnir? Trickster Gods always seem to find a way.
[SNIFFING] You smell of sex with humans.
Well, maybe that's because I like to fuck humans! [LAUGHING] - How are you, my friend? - I'm good, my friend.
Iktomi will grant Votan's request, but expects a favor in return.
Follow me.
[FOLK MUSIC PLAYING] I was listening to this audiobook before you bought a ticket to ride.
You ever hear of the Crow Nation warrior named Finds Them and Kills Them? No, but he sounds very efficient.
He was different.
Like me: two-spirited.
You're human, right? You're not some buffalo queen, pulling coins outta hoards, turn into fucking spiders? [CHUCKLING] Not yet.
Although, if this were back in the day, I would've been godlike.
Why? Two spirits in one body, both masculine and feminine.
It was considered a gift from the Creator.
[SCOFFING] Yeah, well, Gods only give gifts when they get something in return.
The only gift my people ever got was a cozy smallpox blanket and genocide.
[TURNING VOLUME UP] [ENGINE SPUTTERING] Fuckin' hell! - Oh! - Come on boys Take me back I want to ride in Geronimo's Cadillac Oh boys take me back I want to ride in Geronimo's Cadillac - Everybody - Take me back [FIRE CRACKLING] Have you never been in a library? I love libraries.
I miss libraries.
This is not a library.
Oh, this is a library.
This is a memory of a library.
LAURA: Is that the same guy from the field? Oh, don't feel sorry for him.
He's moved on.
So, the game is that we follow the trail of dead bodies until we get to the most recent version of your friend Argus? Smart dead girl.
I can see what Shadow saw in you.
You don't know the first thing about me.
Oh, I know everything about you.
You say you miss libraries.
Remember that book you kept and said it was lost? When you were 10, you took it home, your dad got drunk, as usual, spilled some booze on it.
It stunk and stained so bad you were ashamed to take it back.
What was the title of it? Tiger Eyes.
Judy Blume.
And have you visited a library since? It's a cool party trick.
You know a story about me.
You don't know me.
You know, your friend isn't exactly rolling out the red carpet for us.
He is not expecting us.
I want it to be a surprise.
You know you don't want Shadow, don't you? Please, tell me more about what I want.
You want to feel.
You want that rush of blood to the head when you stand up too fast.
Fuck too hard.
Kill those guys on the train.
You gotta get that ticker ticking, by hook or by crook.
Shadow is frightened of that girl, isn't he? I have no idea what you're talking about.
You know exactly what I'm talking about.
You are not the girl he fell in love with anymore.
Are you? You know, that's really none of your business.
So, why don't you just tell me how the fuck we can get out of here? Well, that is obvious, huh? Sacrifice.
Okay, well, this guy's already dead.
So, are there rats or something? What's the worst thing you can do to a book? Um Ignore it? This is a memory of the Great Library of Alexandria.
It contained a copy of every book ever written.
You could spend a lifetime in here and many did.
Until Caesar came to town.
He laid siege to the city.
When he was backed into a corner, he set fire to his own ships.
His own men.
They died looking up to as much of the sky as they could see through the smoke and the flames.
Some must have lasted long enough to see the fire roll up to the Great Library.
Oh, that was sacrifice.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC] Burn, baby, burn.
I could eat.
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING] [DOOR OPENING] Tell Votan not to forget who his friends are - when this is over.
- [CHUCKLING] That motherfucker has no friends.
[LAUGHING] Iktomi is here.
This place is definitely about the green.
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING] You've brought me a sacrifice? Votan offers no worship.
I'm Salim.
Can I offer you drink or smoke? DJINN: Come now.
Your tricks, your potions.
They do not work on me.
Remember? When the time comes, Votan must pay homage.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC] Gungnir's an instrument of death.
Will Thoth allow it? That my very, very, very old friend, is not your motherfucking concern.
[LAUGHING] He's gonna need this too.
[ROCK MUSIC] GIRL: You a fan of catfish? SHADOW: Uh, fish is fish in my book.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure not all sushi was created equal.
[LAUGHING] I will take your word for it.
So, what's in Cairo? I gotta find the Egyptians? The Egyptians in Cairo? I actually know a place.
It's been there forever.
I guess sleeping with the dead is better than sleeping with the fishes.
Yeah, well What's her name? Who? You know who.
Yeah, I know a few Lauras.
Every one of them's been a pain in my ass.
[CHUCKLING] Well, this Laura's dead, but I'm just gonna let that sink in for a minute.
[DINGING] MAN: Okay, I got four cats, two shakes, two fries! Just a hot second, new girl.
We need a plan of attack.
Man with a plan.
Love it.
- I'm in charge.
- I'll sing backup.
- [CLICKS TONGUE] - Got it! #NotMe, #You! Cool.
Follow my lead.
These Old Gods need special handling.
- [BEEPING] - [ELEVATOR WHIRRING] It is kinda weird that he sent us both, though, isn't it? I mean, we're basically redundant.
Hm? We're different enough.
Different audiences, for sure.
What I really need Bandwidth.
You think you could hook me up? - [BIRDS CALLING] - [VEHICLE APPROACHING] [BUS HONKING] Dude! You all right? [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] So, you're going all the way to New Orleans, then? Yeah, we're bringing our message there tonight.
We are just so happy to have you.
Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior? [ROCK MUSIC] Yeah.
Now I fully rely on God Fuck I fully rely on God.
Yeah TECHNICAL BOY [CHUCKLING]: I'm really trying to see things from your perspective.
Then I remembered that you're literally fucking blind so I might have to spell this out for you.
May I remind you, one word from me and you go back to trolling the Dark Web on IRC bots and GeoCities pages.
The ingratitude.
It hurts me.
How many other Gods would love the access that I've given to Mr.
World? TECHNICAL BOY: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
That you've given me, Argus.
Me! You're tech, okay? And tech is my bitch, okay? That makes you my fucking bitch, okay? MR.
WEDNESDAY: I need you to do something I can't.
- I need you to kill him.
- What? He's been playin' both sides, and I need to get him off the field.
Go for the tattoo on the neck.
That's where the magic is.
He dies, your coin recharges.
Live to see the future with Shadow that you've put so much unearned faith in.
You're a fucking liar.
I wanna go home now.
All right.
Don't believe me.
But you're still gonna need a sacrifice to get outta here.
LAURA: I am not like Shadow.
I see right through you.
I know you're a fucking fraud.
Oh, can't con a con, is that it? Well, I did, and you were such an easy mark, hmm? You sleepwalked through your life while you had one, then I had you killed.
And now you're sleepwalking through your death.
It's my hand up your skirt, puppet.
Because for all that gaga-goo-goo about coming back for love, I know what makes you tick and isn't our dearly beloved Shadow.
It's self-interest, like any other mere mortal.
I'm just making sure that what I'm having you do is what is right for Laura McCabe.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC] Entropy leads logically to disorder.
All systems evolve towards chaos.
Even alliances with Gods.
Listen to me, you cosmically inconsequential sack of shit Let me handle this.
Hi, big guy.
Nice to meet you.
I don't think we realized how big, how powerful your network really is.
Now that I'm here, it occurs to me that we could, you know, do something on our own.
You're someone who can handle my demands.
What the fuck, Media? You would join me? Leave Mr.
World? NEW MEDIA: I have millions of subscribers.
Thousands of likes and shares per minute.
Everyone watches me, but I need someone who can watch them back We were made for each other.
Be me.
[GRUNTING] See the world through the eyes of everyone who has ever watched me.
Together, we can usher in the new wave of synergistic, expansive [ARCADE GAME MUSIC] marketing opportunities.
I can see.
[PANTING] I wasn't done.
Come on.
TECHNICAL BOY: Wednesday's move, am I right? Tell the old cunt he's fucking welcome.
LAURA: Hey, it's done.
You can come out.
Coming! Nothing's happening.
You are so impatient! Who the fuck were those people? World's people.
I told you he'd gone over to the other side.
ARGUS: Wednesday.
Well, I am so sorry, Argus, my old friend.
This war business, nothing personal.
But I'm sure you'll come back somehow.
And just remember when you do, which side you're on.
I guess it wasn't all about Shadow, after all.
Now, that should hold the rot for a while and that makes us square.
So Ciao, baby.
I'm, I'm coming with you.
Why? - Shadow.
- No, no, no.
You can't come back, not after everything you've been through.
No, no, no, no, no.
Your dead little heartbeat and Shadow had fuck all to do with it! And what a mercy that is, huh? He doesn't love the girl that wants to be alive and will kill to get what she wants.
No, he loved the girl that tried to off herself with bug spray.
And that girl well, she doesn't exist anymore, does she? Oh, I just love a happy ending.
Goodbye and good luck, Miss Laura McCabe Moon.
A lot of my dreams are nightmares.
Buffalos and skulls and all kinds of weird shit.
I just don't understand.
Well, good luck with that.
I don't want luck.
I want peace.
My father was a full-blood Cherokee, and he called me a half-breed.
My mother raised me with the Bible by her side.
There was no peace for me.
Not in their worlds.
But I found my home in the stories of my ancestors.
Keep searching or give up.
I never did catch your name.
I'm Shadow Moon.
Sam Black Crow.
WEDNESDAY: Shadow Moon.
Well, look at you.
Trial and tribulation make you stronger, but you look like you have been through it.
So, this is how it's gonna go.
I'm gonna ask you some questions.
And you're gonna give me some answers.
Revelations come when ready, not when requested.
Then just tell me why.
Can you just, just tell me why these sadistic motherfuckers are after me? Oh, could be your face, could be your shoes.
Who knows? All I know is that, in the morning, you're gonna wake up and wanna seize the day.
No, Shadow, listen.
Listen to me.
If you don't wake up in the morning feeling like a million bucks, you can take Betty and leave, with my blessing.
Eh? We have a compact? [ROCK MUSIC] Warden, Warden, don't you know The prisoners ain't got no place to go Come on! They took ol' Geronimo by storm They took the badges from his uniform Jesus told me and I believe it's true The Redmen are in the sunset too They stole their land and they won't give it back And they sent Geronimo a Cadillac Come on! Oh boys take me back I want to ride in Geronimo's Cadillac Oh boys take me back I want to ride in Geronimo's Cadillac Oh take me back I want to ride in Geronimo's Cadillac I need to ride I want to ride in Geronimo's Cadillac [HUMMING] Come on boys take me back I want to ride in Geronimo's Cadillac Oh boys take me back I want to ride