Arrested Development s02e06 Episode Script

Afternoon Delight

Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together.
It's Arrested Development.
Michael was using the Bluth Company crane to retrieve the family-owned frozen banana stand after it had been dumped in the bay a holiday tradition among the local youth.
- Soon he returned home so that he and his son- - George Michael? Could share their holiday tradition of rebuilding it.
- Another one of Dad's suits? - Hey, I'm the president now.
I'm filling Dad's shoes literally, except his shoes don't fit.
But I did finally get into Dad's pants although I had to have the crotch taken in a little.
You know, Gob, maybe it's the suits, but I think you may be beginning to alienate some of the employees down at work.
What? Oh, that's great.
The president has to worry about alienating the employees now.
In fact, Gob had started to alienate some ofhis colleagues.
The worst that could happen is I could spill some on my $3,000 suit.
Come on! - Hey! - The guy in the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator for the guy who doesn't make that in three months.
Why don't I just take a whiz through this $5,000 suit? Come on! They like me just fine.
You'll see that tonight when they toast me at the Christmas party, just like they used to with Dad.
They used to roast Dad 'cause they thought that he had a sense of humor about himself, but he didn't, and neither do you.
Hey, nobody laughed louder than me at any joke about Dad.
You're the one who's all Mr.
"I take myself too seriously all the time.
" Michael did tend to take the Christmas party somewhat seriously.
Merry Christmas.
You can go ahead and put that right in the charity barrel.
Thanks a lot.
Sorry, pal.
We just can't have them resent us.
I know some of the numbers haven't all added up, and there is some speculation that George has been into the kitty- "Into the kitty"! That's awesome.
Fire Tom and get your jackass brother out of here.
This year I'm not officially president, and it'll be nice to actually have some fun with my son at a Christmas party.
- Thank God I don't have to go.
- So glad to hear you say that.
I wanna meet someone there.
What? So I'm not invited to the Bluth Company Christmas party? Oh, honey, of course you can go if you want to.
- Thanks, Mom.
- No.
You're not going to that.
You see, if I show up with you, it'll just make me seem like I'm a mother.
- I've never thought of you that way.
- That's sweet.
Well, I won't be going.
I will be head to toe in blue makeup until 8:01 in case the Blue Man Group needs their understudy, so- No, no, you have to go.
So when men find out we're in an open relationship, they'll see you're no threat.
People hear the name Tobias, they think big, black guy.
Well, obviously I'm not a big guy.
I'm not a Carl Weathers, par exemple.
I forgot about Carl.
Is he still single? Hey, George Michael, I need you to help me fix up the banana stand.
No, I can't.
I was supposed to go to Ann's parents' Christmas party.
- We're makin' yams.
- Tonight? Tonight is the office party.
Well, did you want me to go to that? You're always telling me not to have fun at those things.
Yes.
We might even snatch a gift from the charity barrel.
Oh.
Okay, well-well, I think Ann's parents are having their party on Bethlehem time which is pretty early, so maybe I can make an appearance.
Make an appearance? Uh- Uh- No, no.
It's okay.
- You be with Yam.
It's fine.
It's good.
- It's Ann.
It's good.
Have fun.
The boy's pulling away from you.
Are we having yams? Yeah, I don't know what's goin' on with him.
You know, he's on Bethlehem time.
He's spending every moment of the day with this girl.
- It's, like, I'm his father.
He should be spending most- - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Don't get involved.
Believe me.
When I thought your first wife was driving us apart I did not make a stink.
You complained all the time, and she was my only wife.
And she died.
Well, see, things have a way of working themselves out.
Nonetheless, it's family first at the holidays.
- Oh, God.
It's Mom again.
- Put it on speakerphone.
I wanna hear her beautiful voice.
Michael! There's a hole in the window! There's been a break-in! - Get over here! - I'm leaving now.
Sounds tense.
That means she's not gettin' any from my brother, Oscar.
Lovely.
That's nice.
I heard about the banana stand, and now there's been a break-in.
But I have a surprise for whoever it is if he comes back.
First I blow him; then I poke him.
Guy has no idea what he's in for.
You know, Mom, all the glass seems to be on the outside.
Plus, here's your little statue so I guess what this says to me is, I doubt anyone was trying to break in, Mom.
If anything, someone was trying to break out.
Where is Oscar? Well, he's on his walkabout or pilgrimage.
Every year, Oscar attempts the 420-mile walk from Newport Beach to Berkeley, California.
In the 12 years he's attempted this he's never made it past U.
C.
Irvine.
He calls it a quest to recharge his chi.
I call it an excuse for him to score his pot and wag his pickle at coeds.
You sound mad, Mom, mad enough to throw one of these little lady heads at him.
- What's that supposed to mean? - Well, maybe you're a little bit lonely and you're acting out for attention.
That's ridiculous.
I want you to move in with me.
What? No.
No.
No.
No, no, no, no.
Didn't you adopt a child for this very reason? So that you would never be alone? Michael, a mother doesn't have a child to give herself company.
- Annyong was to teach Buster a lesson.
- And where is that little lesson? I sent him to the Milford Academy to teach him a lesson.
I can't remember about what.
And Buster left this morning to finish his army training.
In fact, Lucille had refused to drive him to the army base so Buster was taking his very first bus ride.
- I can't change a hundred.
- Oh.
Oh, God.
Oh.
And that's when Buster saw something interesting.
That could be good for army.
Whilejust 20 yards away, Michael went to work repairing the banana stand.
What are you doin' here? My mom signed me out of school early, so she wouldn't have to pick me up later so she wouldn't be late for the Christmas party.
- That's about the worst thing I've ever heard.
- I had to drive - because she had a little bit of a buzz on.
- No.
That's it.
- You doing this alone? - Yeah.
Well, thanks.
I guess George Michael's gettin' a little too old to hang out with his dad.
- Yeah, and I'm getting too old for my mom to be with me.
- You know what? - Maybe we should go to this party together.
- Really? Yeah.
You're my little niece.
I think we should be spending more time together.
- And if it makes my mom jealous- - And George Michael can run back to his precious Ann.
Great.
Good deal.
Michael and Maeby stopped by the office to see if Gob needed help for the party that was now hours away.
king $6,300 suit! - Come on! - Hi there.
- What's she doin' here? - Merry Christmas to you too, Uncle Gob.
- Everything all right? - I just don't want people's kids getting their sticky fingers all over these $2,600 pants.
Oh, yeah? You think they're gonna go right for the pants? Okay, okay, okay.
So, should- should- should- should, should, should- - Shh.
- Should- should- should- We'll do it your way.
I'm just here to have fun.
Not too much fun, all right? I already gave my big sexual harassment speech today.
And please refrain from discussing or engaging in any sort of interoffice- Or- Or finger- Or- fisting or- Or even- even though so many people in this office are begging for it.
And if anybody does anything with my sister Lindsay I'll take off my pants, I'll shave- And I'll personally- - Let's get this going.
- What are you talking about? Now? You're not gonna let these people go home and change their clothes? I don't think we need people tryin' to compete with what I'm wearing.
Everybody, come out of your offices, please.
The party has now started.
Here we go.
Let's go.
Everybody dance now.
Everybody dance now.
I think we're off to a great start.
And so, Michael started to become relaxed, and a short time later his mother arrived anything but.
Someone broke in again.
The liquor is gone.
All of it- gone.
In fact, Gob had stolen it earlier that day to cut down on the cost of the party.
- Hey, need a hand with that? - No, Al.
I wanna spill booze all over my f- - I'm all alone there, Michael.
- You know, Buster's only stationed about five miles away.
In fact, Buster never went to the army.
He'd gotten hooked playing the skill crane and missed his first day.
- Somewhat ashamed and with nowhere to go, he returned home.
- Hey, Buster.
Buster! Thank God you're back! There's no shame in being a coward.
A coward? I'm not a coward.
- Would a coward have this? - What the hell is that? These are my awards, Mother, from army.
The seal is for marksmanship and the gorilla is for sand racing.
- You're doing well? - I was just dropping these off.
Now, if you'll excuse me, they're putting me in something called Hero Squad.
You have no idea what it's like to be abandoned by your son.
Do you see my son? He chose his girlfriend over me.
How the worm has turned.
Look who feels the sting of an ungrateful child.
Mother, you have to receive something to be ungrateful.
I'm not gettin' worked up over it tonight.
I'm not gonna let anything bother me.
Good.
I'll get a drink and then go home and wait for you to come stay with me.
Thank God they've got my brands here.
This was an unacceptable solution.
Hey, Tobias, it's Michael.
I hope you get this.
I need you to go over to my mother's tonight.
Unfortunately, Tobias missed the call and it went through to Michael's home voice mail.
The Blue Men! You have - Michael, it's your mother- - Michael, pick up.
Happy Thanksgiving- Michael, it's Mother- Michael, pick up- - Hey, Tobias, it's Michael.
- Bluth Company.
And Lindsay showed up at the Christmas party.
Unfortunately, she didn't realize the employees had been threatened against flirting.
Oh, hello, Ted.
Oh, if you're worried about my husband, it's fine.
He's no bigger than a Cub Scout.
You could take him, and you could certainly take me.
This has been pleasant and professional.
Good luck in the coming business year.
Hey, you guys are sticking stuff on Gob's suit? - Shh.
Go away.
You're gonna ruin it.
Aunt Lindsay, how's the party? It is the worst Christmas party I've ever been to in my life.
Yeah.
Watch this.
Yep.
Like my last 10 years.
And my daughter won't give me the time of day.
- How was your party? - Oh, it was good.
They're kind of religious, Ann's family, so it was- Yeah, it was just kind of- The word George Michael was searching for was "creepy.
" Let me give you a hand with that, little fella.
Hey, I was talkin' to the sound guy, and he said he's got this karaoke thing.
- Yeah.
Let's do it.
Put the first song on in the book.
- Okay.
Okay? Thanks very much.
Hey.
I thought you were at your party.
No, no.
They said I could leave for the second hour of silent prayer.
But Ann and I do have to go back, so I should- I should go soon.
- Uncle Michael- - Okay.
I'll be right there.
Sorry.
I gotta go do this.
I'll be right back.
And Michael sang a duet with his niece.
My daughter doesn't need me.
Neither does my dad.
Had George Michael and Lindsay stayed, they might have discovered what Michael and Maeby did- that "Afternoon Delight"was more adult-themed than its innocent melody would have you believe.
- Hang on, Maeby.
Listen.
I'm gonna go get some more punch, because it is toast time.
Okay? No, no, no.
It'll look worse.
Go that way.
So, let's toast me.
Who's first? Huh.
Tom, why don't you come up here and talk about me for a few minutes? Uh, I wanna thank the Bluth family for hiring me back.
It's been a tough couple years.
- My brother did that.
Talk about me.
- Oh, okay.
Uh, you certainly do love those suits.
At seven grand, you'd better believe I love 'em.
I mean, look at what you're wearing.
You look like crap.
I mean, at least this is- Who did this? You do this, Tom? - No.
- You're a real smart-ass.
You know that, Tom? Look, I don't know him very well but Gob seems like he'd be a really smart boss.
Please don't laugh.
Look, he's a great magician.
- That's even better! - you, Tom.
- Please don't.
- You know what? You're fired.
No.
You're all fired, each and every one of you.
Merry Christmas.
I didn't know the lyrics.
Where's everybody goin'? - We don't work here anymore.
- What? Is your sister still around? The Christmas party had been a disaster.
I did the right thing, Michael.
If I don't fire them, how do I teach a lesson to the others? - There are no others.
You fired everyone.
- Oh, that- that's great.
The guy who's dirty dancing with his niece is gonna tell the guy in the $3,600 suit how to run the business.
- Come on.
- I know.
Maybe we're better off with me being businesslike and you being the good-time, useless party guy.
- It got us this far.
- Mm-hmm.
And I must say that I miss the laughter.
Oh, God, how they used to laugh with me.
At you.
We gotta figure out a way to hire everybody back.
- A meeting.
- A party.
- No.
We just had a party.
- Yeah, but I didn't get to have any fun.
So Michael went to work on another Christmas party this time with the help ofhis niece.
I appreciate you doing this.
I didn't wanna ask George Michael.
Did you see that he showed up at the party for five minutes and left without saying good-bye? - Hey, my mom doesn't even wanna be in the same room with me.
- Michael I was almost attacked last night in my own home.
I walk in, and there's a colored man in my kitchen.
- "Colored"? What color was he exactly? - Blue.
Hello, Lucille.
- I sent him to your house to keep you safe.
- Well, he did a terrible job.
Didn't he? I need someone else, someone better.
What about this one? She's got thick arms.
Mom, you just need to calm down a little bit.
You're so tense.
How am I supposed to calm down? Sounds tense.
That means she's not gettin' any from my brother Oscar.
Maybe I should move in with you.
And Michael realized he needed to retrieve his Uncle Oscar.
How would you like to go on a road trip? No.
I wanna stay here with her.
Let's go.
And so the two of them prepared to drive up the coast.
You're in charge of the radio, and we're not stopping until we find Uncle Oscar.
There he is.
My mom is very stressed out, and she needs something that I can't give her- um, maybe a little afternoon delight.
Oscar thought that Michael was referring to a particular brand of cannabis named Afternoon Deelite, a strain famous for slowing behavior.
Well, sure.
The question is which way do I try to get it in her? I don't need any details.
- Maybe I'll put it in her brownie.
- Hey! - What happened to you? - What? Oh, oh.
My ears.
The doctor said I can't go to sleep for five hours or I might die or something.
Oh, I got blown, so I can't sleep.
Hey, have you seen Maeby? You're not gonna believe this.
Apparently my dad and Maeby took a drive up the coast.
- You're kidding me.
- Uh-oh.
I should not have picked at that.
- That's blood.
- This is ridiculous.
- So she's got a new parent.
- Yeah.
Now my dad's got a new kid.
I'm gonna lie down for a little bit, but just- I c- I can't fall- Hey, how would you like to come to the party with me today? And Oscar was giving Lucille a little Afternoon Deelite.
- These are really delicious.
- I'll get some more.
Okay Mm-hmm Where did she go? Soon, the second Bluth Company Christmas party in as many days began.
- You are not fired, sir.
- I really appreciate that.
You got it.
Here you go.
Merry Christmas.
Where the hell is my brother? Sure, the guy in the $600 banana suit.
- Come on! - Hi.
- What the hell are you doing? - Hey, don't be mad at me 'cause you didn't think about going out to Tarzana to get the old banana suit out of storage.
But it's worth it, because it's time for me to make people laugh again.
With me.
And what's funnier than a guy in- Oh- Hey, wait.
Hey.
Okay.
Later, Gob was inside the banana stand and it was getting pretty hot in there, so he decided to lose a layer.
Hey, look.
There's your mom and George Michael.
I guess they did come to support us after all.
Look at that.
They're all over each other with their little secrets.
- What can you do, right? - Yeah.
How would you feel about singing a little karaoke? Unfortunately, Lindsay wasn't there to see all of Michael and Maeby's song and was about to have a similar revelation.
Could not be caught that didn't bite But you got some bait a-waitin', and I think I might - Try nibbling a little afternoon delight - That's my wife and nephew.
- Skyrockets in flight - We have an open relationship.
Just then, Lucille arrived, craving a frozen banana.
And the effects of Lindsay and George Michael's "Afternoon Delight"was overshadowed- - Mom? - by the effects of Oscar and Lucille's Afternoon Deelite.
- Tobias-Tobias, watch out.
- Tobias couldn't hear- - Tobias! - and didn't manage to get out of the way in time.
What the hell was that? And Gob couldn't move freely.
Lucille tried to stop but the car hit Gob's banana peel.
I can't get out of here.
I'm stuck.
Mom, are you crazy? You could've killed somebody.
Hey, Mikey, relax.
It's just a giant banana.
And that's when Buster saw an opportunity to be a hero.
- Gob? - Mom, I'm stuck! I got you, Brother! And for the second time since he became president Gob heard the sweet sound oflaughter.
They're laughing with me, Michael.
They're laughing with me! Unfortunately, Buster's newfound skills did not involve lowering gently.
Ooh.
Oh.
Hey, it's Tobias.
Who wants to take me to the hospital? And so father and son reunited rebuilding the banana stand for a second time.
- Hey.
Can I give you a hand? - Hey.
Yeah.
- That would be great.
- Okay.
- Oh, I'm sorry about- It's embarrassing, the whole- - Listen, I, uh- I've been a little out of line lately.
You're entitled to be with your girlfriend, and I guess I got a little bit jealous.
- Yeah.
Well, me too.
- Yeah.
Okay.
- Gonna grab some afternoon- - Afternoon - It does not seem like it would be that dirty.
- It's- It is catchy.
Right.
That's the thing.
On the next Arrested Development.
The Blue Man Group finally calls for Tobias With a life-changing opportunity.
Unfortunately, he can't hear it, and his life stays the same.