Arrested Development s05e11 Episode Script

Chain Migration

1 [RON] George Sr.
had convinced his wife to join him in their search for a son [LUCILLE] Nobody's chasing him.
What's the big deal? who thought he'd broken out of prison.
[GEORGE SR.
] Well, we just want to find him before he does something stupid.
[RON] Well, stupider.
- [OSCAR] My left, your right.
- [BUSTER] Your left, my right.
[RON] Although, it is the only way to ride one of those We have to get these manacles off.
We have to find a hardware store.
when you're chained to a guy.
- [OSCAR] My right, your right.
- [BUSTER] My right, my left.
I remember there's a hardware store my left, your right or a Build-A-Bear I used to go to, but that was, like, let me think, Justin Be-Bear is seven that was, like, seven years ago.
[OSCAR] Your left, my right.
[LUCILLE] Why do you think he'd be at the mall? Well, the last time Buster ran away, he came here.
And this is where his favorite stores are.
There's Drink-A-Juice and there's Paint-A-Plate - and Build-A-Bear and - [TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS] Oh, there's a tiny train.
Now, admittedly, he's not 28 anymore, - but - No, you're right.
But don't you think he would've smelled me by now? [GEORGE SR.
] Oh, good point.
Maybe the Popcorn Plantation is masking your scent.
Ooh, we gotta get you out of the food court.
[RON] Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything, and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING] It's Arrested Development.
Buster was missing, and George Sr.
was eager to make it look like - that was something he cared about - Oh, wow! in order to woo his wife.
Didn't I used to have one? Yes, but it was real.
- Sugarfoot, Sugarfoot - [GEORGE SR.
] That's what it was.
- Let's get one.
- [RON] Which is how Lucille - thought of a way - Can you make one of those from a wallet photo? to let Buster know the authorities weren't after him - and get a little dig in.
- Let's go.
Sugarfoot [GEORGE SR.
] I have a better idea.
Why don't you just pick out anything you want? George, we should not be spending money.
We owe it to the Chinese, and if we don't get them their money, they're going to be looking for us.
Well, I wouldn't worry about that because I have Michael at the Bluth Company going through the books, and he's gonna free up some cash.
You have Michael looking through our books? [RON] Where he had recently discovered and printed A map.
a very provocative piece of evidence.
There's only one way to find out.
[RON] And so, Michael set out to get conclusive evidence that his parents were building a wall.
- [MICHAEL SIGHS] - [PRINTER WHIRS] Unfortunately, the speed of the printer made it very clear why Two Hour Teeth went out of business.
[DRAMATIC PIANO MUSIC PLAYING] - Come on! - Come on! Let's go.
[RON] Tobias and his family were also playing a waiting game during business hours in the Tent City where they had found - a new home.
- You know, if you add water - to the freeze-dried ground beef - Shh.
it tastes just as good as any hamburger - I've ever had underwater.
- Shh.
That was meant to last all week.
[MURPHYBROWN] Oh.
Oh, duh.
Damn.
Well, you know what? I saw a guy pushing a shopping cart full of supplies in it.
That's what I'm talking about.
When he leaves it, I'll grab his cart.
[RON] But as it turns out, Tobias had been squatting - in the very chain store - [TOBIAS] Oh, it's right here.
where his brother-in-law was now trying to repair a chain problem.
Yeah, I see the problem.
The leg chains are all mixed up with the bike chain.
I could cut the bike chain - if you want.
We have a bolt cutter.
- [OSCAR] Can't we untangle it? It's a rental.
- Do you have time to wait? - [BUSTER] You know, maybe we could check out that popcorn place.
Am I crazy, or am I smelling popcorn and Chanel No.
5 butter? Can we go get some popcorn and just leave the bike? - I'd have to cut the leg chains.
- [BUSTER] Leg chains? No.
These are stage manacles.
We were in a play.
[MAN] Well, if they're from a play, - they're probably not even locked.
- What? [MAN] Have you guys even tried, uh, just unclamping? [OSCAR] Are you kidding me? - [BOTH LAUGH] - We didn't even check.
[RON] Ironically, finding out they weren't shackled was a bonding moment for the men.
That would've saved time when we were trying - to get the pants over our heads.
- What's good about this is they're looking for two guys who are manacled together on the run.
- [BUSTER] Ah.
- The Inside-Outside Bandits.
So are we saying that it's safer to go our separate ways? - Is that what you're saying? - I guess so.
But, I mean, - where will you go? - Well, realistically I could sniff out Mother somehow, but she wouldn't want me.
Maybe I'm better in prison.
I'm no good on my own.
[SLOW PIANO MUSIC PLAYING] Look, I'm not I'm not in a hurry to, you know, go it alone.
I mean, if you want to hang out, I mean - You mean it? - [OSCAR] Sure.
- Where would we go? - [OSCAR] Oh, I mean, we like the same things.
We could go anywhere we want.
I mean, the most important thing - is that we're outside.
- Inside.
- Outside.
- Inside.
- Hmm.
- [RON] Meanwhile, another father-son team had had just about enough of their time together [PRINTER CHIMES, BUZZES] - Please be done.
[GRUNTS] - I think it's good.
when the printing process finally concluded.
- It is a wall.
- Oh, shoot, know what? We didn't uncheck "Make Background Tongue.
" [MICHAEL] I mean, why do they even call it Two Hour Teeth? [RON] And the Inside-Outside Bandits found a solution - [OSCAR] Feels like we're outside.
- [BUSTER] It feels like we're inside.
to their temperamental mismatch.
- Sort of meets all our needs.
- Yeah.
Are you hungry? 'Cause there's some dried food out there that's still technically everybody's.
You don't think we should wait until the store closes? I mean, we're technically in their display.
Okay, here's what we do.
When I go out, you just be still, and if anyone looks in, you pretend like you're a mannequin.
Can you do that? You're looking at a boy who faked a coma for two weeks to get out of a spelling bee.
[MAN] As the final group of the spelling bee - makes its way to the stage - [OSCAR] That was to get out of testifying.
No, that was a three-month coma.
- [MAN] Another no-show to testify - [OSCAR] Hey, before I go, if something happens out there, and I get caught and I don't come back, I just want to tell you that this this being with you has been ah, it's been [TAKES A DEEP BREATH] I cherish it.
My son.
All right, fine.
Be that way.
[RON] Meanwhile, Lucille had taken a phone call from the Chinese investors - [SPEAKING CHINESE] - she was eager not to upset.
[PHONE SLAMS, SMASHES] Well, the Chinese want dinner with us.
[GEORGE SR.
] They're in town? They want to go over plans for the wall.
[GEORGE SR.
STAMMERS] Wait.
Did you tell them we don't have Lindsay? We lost the election.
We can't catch a break on this.
It makes you not even want to do business with a hostile nation.
[LUCILLE] They're gonna demand their money, and Oh, this dinner is not going to be fun.
[RON] But being fun was something George was eager to prove.
Know what looks like fun? That tandem bicycle built for two.
- How much fun would that be? - What are you, nuts? I have to call the restaurant.
You call.
I'm gonna check out the Tent City.
They have tandem bikes.
Boy, would we have fun on that.
[SPEAKING CHINESE] [RON] And that's when George Sr.
did find the more fun version of himself His brother, Oscar.
[GEORGE SR.
] Hey.
I should've gone to the Tent City in Santa Ana.
[GEORGE SR.
] You have Buster stashed away somewhere.
[OSCAR] What do you mean, in a tent? [WHISPERS] Are you gonna turn me in? No one's chasing you, okay? Buster's a free man.
Here's proof.
They throw these in with the posters.
Actually, he's not technically free.
He still has to officially sign out from prison and pay their $75 process fee.
So, hey, Daddy, you're the one paying.
[OSCAR] Gee, I'm kind of sorry my time with Buster has to come to an end.
- We're getting close.
- [GEORGE SR.
] Tell me about it.
I'm trying to win back Lucille, but it's a little tough right now.
I'm fighting against the competition.
What, is she dating? No, I'm talking about Buster.
And we're really bonding over this "we miss our son" bullshit.
[OSCAR] Well, I'll tell you what.
You front me the $75 to sign him out of prison, maybe we keep this "Buster's on the run" charade going a little longer.
[RON] And so a deal was made.
But before Oscar could even not share the news with Buster that they weren't on the run, Tobias would not solve a mystery he wasn't trying to solve himself.
Oh, sorry, wrong tent.
I What am I doing, apologizing to a mannequin that looks like - Buster? - [OSCAR] Oh, guys, keep it down.
I can hear you all the way in cano What are you doing here? - Tobias? - [TOBIAS] I live here.
- So do we.
- Oh, not for long.
Rumor has it they're gonna knock down these tents - and put in a Santa Ski Village.
- Wow.
Seems like we were just celebrating the second of July.
We're already talking about December 19.
Well, we're definitely still on the run.
[BUSTER] Too bad we can't go back to Maeby's.
She had quite a sweet setup over at the Spotted Palm.
My daughter has a place at the Spotted Palm? [OSCAR] Yeah.
She should get better acquainted with her sibling and mother impersonator.
No, you have to be 55 and older.
Well, that sounds like a challenge to any family that wasn't a ragtag troupe of folks whom I wish to become actors.
[CHUCKLING] [RON] As it turned out, Tobias's daughter, Maeby, had been playing a part herself, although she was eager to recast the love interest.
Hey, how we feeling? - Any better? - [EXHALES] - I don't know.
- The doctor said the headache should be gone at this point.
But I'm having trouble tracking time.
But I guess it's only been a day - since the accident, right? - Oh, my God.
I can't believe you're asking me this again.
- Have I asked before? - [RON] He hadn't.
- Every month.
- Oh, no.
That can't be - right.
- Right.
See? You always say "right.
" [CHUCKLES] I'm sorry, it's just, Stan, we've gone over this so many times.
[RON] No, they hadn't.
In fact, this had only happened a few hours earlier.
- Oh.
- [GASPS] - I must seem like a broken record.
- Old man.
You also always say "old man.
" Listen, Stan, this isn't easy for me to say.
I've let you stay here because I felt responsible for coming in just as those two men hit you over the head, which you thought was me.
And it wasn't because I was just trying to stop them, you know? But before that, we did end things between us.
I know, but maybe there's some spark, there's some way that we can rekindle, now that I'm alone and you're alone, and Right, we're alone.
I don't have two criminals to pin it on.
Maybe we can try again.
- [DOORBELL RINGS] - [SIGHS] I was trying, Stan, okay? It's over.
It is over! [TOBIAS] A real lady lets it itch.
She doesn't jam two fingers [HIGH-PITCHED] Voices up.
[CLEARS THROAT] Hi, I'm Mrs.
Featherbottom.
Thank you for being a friend [HIGH-PITCHED] I'm Bev.
Traveled down a road and back again [HIGH-PITCHED] And I'm Mrs.
Bettywhite.
Your heart is true You're a pal and a confidant We're just three 56-year-old women looking for a place to rest our weary asses.
Oh, [BLEEP].
- [TOBIAS GIGGLES] - Hello.
[RON] Back at the cottage, George Sr.
kept up the illusion that he had no idea where Buster was.
I don't know about you, but I'm I'm so worried that I can't keep looking anymore.
Me, too.
We have to take care of ourselves.
Why don't we just order some dinner in? What do you think of that? George, it's two o'clock.
Go home.
I was thinking, it could be a, um, dry run for tomorrow night's dinner with the Chinese.
They're gonna be looking at us, Lucille, very closely, and we have to be a real team.
You know, in the Chinese culture, a good marriage portends a good business relationship.
I think I can eat a piece of fish without giving away how I loathe you.
[CHUCKLES] Whoops.
Now, see? It's those little inadvertent slips I fear will come out tomorrow night if we go in cold.
Well, then it's a good thing I've asked my friend to stop by, who happens to be an expert on the Far East, as it turns out.
- Your friend, you don't - Oh, Dusty.
Have you ever met George, my soon-to-be ex-husband? - Ah.
[LAUGHS] - [RON] They had met, when George, after a failed attempt at ocean balling to impress his wife, gerbilled up to the beach that had been under the domain - of a surf gang called - Get out of here! - the Newport Bay Boys.
- [DUSTY] Locals only! What's your business on the beach, bro? I'm, uh, visiting [COUGHS, PANTS] visiting my wife, Lucille Bluth, and I just [SNIFFLING] - [DUSTY] What? - Yeah.
Well, that's why you look familiar.
I helped her take down all your pictures.
You're Dustin Radler.
Out here, it's Dusty.
Sorry about the confusion, man.
Yeah, this beach has always been known as territory of the Newport Bay Boys.
Okay, uh, I'll just I'll find my way out of No, no, you're not using those steps.
Those steps are just for the feet of the Bay Boys.
Get back in the ball, dude.
But I I I ca Okay.
Could you tell Lucille, uh that I I died doing something that looked fun? - Ay.
- [GEORGE SR.
] The Bay Boy? I ought to throw this guy out of here.
This is the goddamn expert? Because the only thing he's expert at is getting sand out of his trunks and pissing on another man's tree.
- And the law.
- And I play some guitar.
And I know a lot about Eastern culture, too.
I surfed in 'Nam.
- Oh, you served in Vietnam? - Surfed.
I surfed in Vietnam.
Two group tours.
Picked up a lot, too.
Mostly tchotchkes, but some cultural elements, too.
He knows what he's talking about, George.
We went for sushi last night, and he never touched his fork.
Well, a little bit for the rice.
It's the hard part.
But not when the guy was looking.
[LUCILLE] He didn't want to insult the employees.
You know, with all these Asia-y cultures and, uh, whatnot, they all are interested in honor.
They all understand that your opponent needs to save face, for this is the only way you, yourself, - will save face.
- [LUCILLE] Oh.
[DUSTY] So, I just want to be clear with you.
If you think that I enjoy being put in the position of ridiculing you, intimidating you, emasculating you, you're wrong, little guy.
- Could you - [DUSTY] Wrong.
Could you excuse us for just one mom I'm gonna talk to my wife.
Yes.
I will give you that respect.
Maybe I'll just go upstairs and watch the big TV.
[RON] But someone else would soon show up who was tired of being emasculated.
Ah, of course.
I knew you would both be here.
[GEORGE SR.
] Michael, finally.
We need this money.
So, uh, how's that going? Did you Did you find anything? You could say that.
Yeah.
You both wanted me to go look at the books, but I guess you didn't think that I was smart enough to find this.
This was a file on a computer drive called "Gated Community.
" - What is that? - Don't play dumb.
[STAMMERS] What's playing dumb? Stop it.
You know exactly what this is.
This is a border wall between Mexico and America.
That doesn't look like a mouth to you? [MICHAEL] Well, you gotta get rid of the tongue setting, and anyway, but on a regular printer, I have more than enough proof that you guys are building a wall.
The wall, okay? Between America and Mexico.
A wall, by the way, that you once claimed - to be on the other side of.
- [GEORGE SR.
] No.
The property is on the other side of the wall.
Th That's all over now because the Mexican Romney said no refundo.
I mean, we can't even pay back the investors.
[WHISPERING] They're Chinese.
There's Chinese Romneys? [GEORGE SR.
] No, the only Romneys are the Mexican Romneys.
- Well, and the regular Romneys.
- Well, I mean, yes.
Obviously the the regular Romneys, but So you spent Chinese money that you cannot return, and you wanted me to look in the books, so that I would do the right thing for the family and offer to sell off Sudden Valley? The only thing that you cannot sell off without me, right? And then what, you give the money to the Chinese? We just wanted to tell them where we were first going to build a a model wall, a prototype.
By that time, there will have been the election, and Hillary doesn't want a wall.
Yes, that is a good point.
I wish her voice weren't so grating.
Oh, that voice! Shrillary.
[LAUGHS] [CLATTERING NEARBY] You okay? Is everybody all right? Yeah, we're fine.
Go on.
- Go on upstairs.
- Right on.
I got an idea.
Why don't you just try being honest with the Chinese? In what way? You tell them the truth, Dad.
- What truth? - [MICHAEL] You made a mistake.
You lost the money.
You feel bad.
Nothing you can do.
You hope they understand.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Oh, good.
You better figure it out, 'cause I'm not gonna let you ruin the family again.
[SCOFFS] This generation.
They go to one therapy session, and all of a sudden their parents are "terrible people," because they once sold tract homes to God, who even remembers now? Saddam Hussein.
Yeah.
So I mean, something like that.
[RON] Michael's parents weren't the only ones using him for Sudden Valley, as Oscar, who was trying to convince Buster they were still fugitives, had agreed to move into the attic.
Are you sure nobody saw us get in the truck once we found it? Yeah, can you believe we finally come across the getaway truck, right after we find out we're no longer, uh I mean, I hope not.
- Me, too.
Me, too.
- It didn't help things when your hand flew off on the 405, but Well, it's probably behind the seat.
And did you notice that banner? It said, "Welcome Home From Prison Again, Buster.
" I mean, it's like, did they expect me to come home from prison? Yeah.
I think they were just being ironic.
- I mean, it's like a - Oh.
A not-surprise party.
Like if Buster was coming home, he'd expect a surprise party, so it wouldn't be a surprise.
Since he's in jail, we're gonna throw a party and not tell him since there won't be guests.
- Yep.
- [CHUCKLING] Well, I am surprised she went through all that trouble.
- Oh, so I guess it worked.
- Mm-hmm.
But I hope this is okay for you.
- Oh.
- 'Cause it might be a couple of months.
Oh, we're not gonna be up here for a couple of months.
I mean, I can't do that.
I mean, that's For me, - that's, uh, pretty scary.
- No.
Because we're the Inside-Outside Bandits, and the only thing that scares us is not being safe and cozy.
A guy could have a mighty nice life up here.
Do you You want us to die here together? You're hungry.
I'll go downstairs and get us some food.
- How does gummies sound? - Necessary.
- [BOTH CHUCKLING] - I don't get it.
[GROANS] [RON] But the model house had another visitor.
[GOB GRUNTING] Good, Buster.
I saw your truck.
Glad you're here.
Hey, uh So I'm gonna kind of need your help with a little, uh, "magic trick" of sorts.
- So, favor.
- [GROANS] I cannot do you a favor, Gob.
I am on the lam.
I escaped from jail.
Escaped.
Yeah, I don't think so.
- They released you, Buster.
- No.
- Oscar freed me.
- I don't think so.
Uh, I think I'd know if I wasn't on the lam.
[CHUCKLES] I mean, unless he happened to do that exactly when I was released, so I thought I was running, - but wasn't.
- Right.
But that would also be what exactly what happened, but Yeah, but Oscar and I are living in the attic.
I mean, that's because I'm a wanted man.
Impossible.
You weren't even a wanted child.
[RON] Which reminded Buster of the poster he'd seen earlier that day at the mall, and which he now realized had another meaning.
[BUSTER] So no one's out there looking for me? But if that's true, I guess technically now we don't have to live in the attic.
So I'll just go back to living with George Sr.
as my father, and then Oscar can go back to his life with without me.
Well, that's good news for him, huh? Please don't tell him.
He's He's in my life now, and and I know it's not honest, but I want to kind of keep that going a bit longer.
Your secret is safe with me, Buster.
- [GASPS] - No strings attached.
- Aw.
[GROANS] - If you help me get rid of this big, dead-body-shaped thing.
- What is it? - I just told you, it's [BUSTER] Mm.
It's from a magician friend.
It was part of his big his big final farewell disappearing act.
Need I remind you, Buster, that as my one-time assistant, you are still bound by the magician's assistant oath.
Mm.
Say no more.
- [GOB] Bye, Oscar.
- [OSCAR] I'm on the phone! [RON] On the next Arrested Development Gob makes good on his second obligation to the Gay Mafia, by arriving for heterosexual conversion therapy My name is Gob Bluth.
I'm here for a 12:30 un-gaying.
[RON] determined to prove it doesn't work.
Hey, Gob.
It's me, Ann's mother.
Who? That's the one.
So I just have some papers for you to sign.
Just some legalese stating that if you kill yourself as a result of the therapy, it's your fault, not ours.
Yeah.
Boy, wish I could pray that sweater away.
[RON] Unfortunately for Gob - Uh-oh.
- it works a little too well.
Oscar and Buster attempt to keep each other in the dark [OSCAR] We should keep an eye out for cops.
[BUSTER] I'm watching out for cops.
[RON] but can't resist a non-gummy dinner.
So where should we go out? - There's a Coco's by the beach.
- Oh There's a Coco's in town.
- Let's do it.
- [BUSTER LAUGHS] [RON] Although Buster decides to run an errand for his brother on the way.
[BUSTER] Just dropping off something for Gob.
It'll take me a second! [GRUNTING] [RON] But unfortunately for Buster - Return from whence you came.
- [SPLASHES] [RON] he does so from a long-thought-missing piece of evidence.
Hey, the stairs on our getaway truck are pretty sticky.
I wonder if there's, like, a really tall car wash around here.
[OSCAR] Oh, yeah.
I I noticed there's a blood-like substance back there.
But that's a tomorrow job.
That's for the daytime.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]