Arthur (1996) s01e28 Episode Script

I'm a Poet/The Scare-Your-Pants-Off Club!

# Every day you walk down the street Everybody that you meet
# Has an original point of view
- # And I say, hey!
- Hey!
# What a wonderful kind of day We can learn to work and play
# And get along with each other
# You gotta listen to your heart Listen to the beat
# Listen to the rhythm of the street
# Get together and make things better By working together
# It's a simple message And it comes from the heart
# Believe in yourself For that's the place to start
- # And I say, hey!
- Hey!
- What a wonderful kind of day
# We can learn to work and play And get along with each other
# What a wonderful kind of day - hey! What a wonderful kind of day - HEY! #
- Hey, DW!
- Hey
"My Sister Is A Sissy, by Jack Prelutsky.
"My sister is a sissy She's afraid of dogs and cats"
"..A toad can give her tantrums"
"..And she's terrified of rats.
"She screams at things with stingers Things that buzz, things that crawl.
"Just the shadow of a spider Sends my sister up the wall
"A lizard makes her shiver And a turtle makes her squirm
"She positively cringes At the prospect of a worm
"She's afraid of things with feathers AND things with fur -
"She's scared of almost everything! How come I'm scared of HER?"
Two days till the poetry contest and only ONE student is signed up -
- Fern.
- (Fern never said she wrote poetry.)
- Fern never says ANYTHING.
The judge is poet Jack Prelutsky. It's not too late!
Listen - I'm a poet. Moon, June, spoona loon.
Just THINKING of poetry makes me sleepy!
- Binky, know what's twice as boring as a poem?
- What?
- TWO poems!
You only make fun cos YOU couldn't write a poem if you tried.
- That's the most she's said all year!
- You tell 'em Fern!
Maybe I COULDN'T write a poem.
But neither could THEY.
- I could if I wanted to.
- Me, too.
I could write a better poem than you with my brain tied behind my back!
Oh, yeah(!) I'd like to see that!
- I bet NONE of you could.
- I could too!
- Maybe Binky can't, but I can!
- There's nothing Arthur can do that I can't!
- You're so rude, Fern!
- What an attitude!
- Somebody hold me back or I'll write one NOW!
I bet none of you can write a poem in time to submit it to the contest.
- Bet I can!
- OK!
- Want to bet?! I'll do better than Binky.
Anyone else hungry?
Anyone who doesn't, has to join the poetry club for a year. Bet?
Or are you a bunch of chickens?
- (How do you write a poem?)
- (I thought YOU knew.)
I don't wanna spend a YEAR in poetry club.
Find a good poem and write one like it!
"The time has come," the walrus said "To talk of many things
"Of shoes and ships and sealing-wax Of cabbages and kings
"And why the sea is boiling hot And whether pigs have wings"?
- I can't write like that!
- Find one that makes sense.
What? "Something better than his dog A little dearer than his horse."
A riddle? What's better than his dog, a little dearer than his horse?
A gerbil that does your homework.
Nothing's better than MY dog. Skip this guy - he doesn't like dogs.
Wow, listen to these titles!
The Haunted Palace, The Conqueror Worm
Must be about a giant worm.
Listen. "It was the dead who groaned within."
BOTH: Cool!
I got one that makes sense.
"Listen, my children And you shall hear
"Of the midnight ride Of Paul Revere"
OK, we're ready.
- How long did you work on your poem last night?
- Isort of watched TV.
- The Brain has finished his poem.
- ..Already?!
Can I read it? Comments will help me perfect it.
I, The Brain will explain What makes rain
Water drops are what clouds contain
They reach saturation - precipitation Hits the ground, goes down the drain.
I'm done, too! My favourite thing to do is shop
Shoes, shirts, coats, rings (I never have enough jewellery) till I drop!
- I LOVE to shop!
- That's not a poem, it's a list!
- Shop rhymes with drop!
- Duh(!)
- Remember - all poems in by tomorrow.
Listen, my children As I tell you
Of a duck and a chicken On a bus to Oklahom-u.
- When you're done with your poem, can you help me?
- I'm done.
But I'm watching a video. Sorry!
I know a great poem. Roses are red, violets are blue
My nose smells And your feet do, too!
That's so funny! Cracks you up, huh?
- Why the rush to get to school?
- I have to stop at Fern's house.
Can I hear that again?
- Once upon a midnight cloudy A big old bat says "Howdy!"
- Buster?
- You said you were done!
- I-I didn't want you to think I couldn't do it.
Instead of copying other poems, why not just write about what you like?
- Who'd want to hear what
- I
- like?
- Who wouldn't?
I'm done!
Er I'm done.
'Today is very boring It's a very boring day -
'There's nothing much to look at There is nothing much to say.'
There's a peacock on my sneakers There's a penguin on my head
There's a dormouse on my doorstep - I'm going back to bed.
Today is VERY boring It is boring through and through -
There is absolutely nothing That I think I want to do.
I see giants riding rhinos And an ogre with a sword
And a dragon blowing smoke rings - I am positively bored.
Today is VERY boring I canhardly help but yawn -
There's a flying saucer landing In the middle of my lawn.
A volcano just erupted Half a mile away
And I think I felt an earthquake - It's a very boring day.
Thank you!
Let's have our first contestant.
..Ghosts of fallen trees weep
For a world That can't live without them.
Thank you, Mr Prelutsky. I have all of your poetry books.
You're obviously a girl with impeccable taste!
Next, Francine Frensky.
My dad took me to a hockey game I got hit on the head by a puck
I yelled out "Ow, my head! OW! Call an ambulance! Ouch! It hurts!
"Put ice on it - it's gonna swell"
I got a big purple lump on my head And used it for Show And Tell.
Where's Arthur?
People think I can't write a poem. They're so wrong, I CAN write a poem.
I wrote this one. I wrote this poem.
And gave it the title "Binky's Poem". So shut up! (The end.)
THAT'S not a poem. He rhymed "poem" with "poem" four times!
It was great! Yay, Binky!
Our final poet is Buster Baxter.
These are the things That make me nauseous
Green gloop that drips from faucets Blue hair that grows on bread
When your dog drools in your bed When a dirty sock drops on your face
When your friend's baby sister Starts to spew
Half a worm in the apple you bit Finding human bone in your Jello
Blowing nose-slime, green and yellow
And people eating creamed corn with their mouths open so you can see it!
- The end.
- Maybe I shouldn't mention there's free butterscotch pudding
Am I too late? The street was full of elephants!
Our FINAL final poem is Jimmy Goes To The City, by Arthur Read.
Jimmy was a happy ape Until some hunters caught him -
He liked the jungle better than The city where they brought him
The city was louder and meaner The DIRT in the jungle was cleaner
Jimmy made a daring escape - The hunters were now minus one ape
He climbed the tallest building Cos from there he'd see
How far away the jungle was From the middle of the ci-ty
Jimmy jumped into a passing plane -
The pilot didn't wait for him to explain
Jimmy flew back to the jungle Told his ape friends in their lair
"The city's OK for a visit, but You couldn't make ME live there!"
And the winner of the contest is
I hate contests! You ALL win!
Nobody has to join the poetry club - they won the bet.
- But it was fun!
- Yeah. I know LOTS of disgusting stuff.
- I wanna do more!
- They can't stop us joining!
- Sign up here.
- Mr Prelutsky, could you read us another poem?
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
Please? All right!
Well, Buster's poem put me in mind of one of my own, Jellyfish Stew.
Jellyfish Stew I'm loony for you
I dearly adore you Oh, truly I do
Ever started a book you can't put down?
When I start a Scare Your Pants Off Club book, I can't stop.
- Class dismissed! Arthur?
Hey, Arthur
Goodness! Turn that off and go to sleep!
Wait, Dad, I'm almost done. I have to know how itends.
Ta-ra! By special request, a hearty breakfast of my whoopee-waffles!
- Whoopee! Waffles!
- Morning, Mom, Dad! Gotta run!
- Whoopee!
- I'm impressed.
Breakfast first!
- Oh, OK!
- Arthur, why are you in such a hurry?
Sorry! Got to be first in line for the Scare Your Pants Off Club book.
- At the library? On a Saturday?
- Wow - hard to argue with that!
If he's not eating seconds, can I have his?
Gotta hurry. Gotta get there first.
Oh, no!
- Guess we should've met earlier.
- Like three days ago(!)
Maybe they're just here to study.
- I guess we could check out some of the old ones to read again.
- Yeah.
Curse Of The Mummy's Breath! That was really scary.
Or Bones In The Attic.
Or the scariest of all - Zombie Substitute Teacher.
Look! They're opening.
I'm afraid I have bad news.
You can't check out the new Scare Your Pants Off Club book today.
ALL Scare Your Pants Off Club books have been removed from our shelves.
I don't get it. Who'd want to get rid of our books?
..A parents' group chased a series of children's books from the library.
- Julie?
- PAWS, that's Parents Against Weird Stories,
they say the scary stories are bad for kids.
We tried to reach EA dePoe, author, for comment - with no success.
PAWS is having a rally tomorrow,
in front of the library.
Condition red, Arthur. If we ever want our pants scared off again,
we gotta move fast Arthur?
- But do what?
- It's not fair!
- Not much we CAN do.
Minors have limited access to legal recourse or arbitration.
Come on, we can't give up! We never gave up before!
- Sure we have.
- Lots of times.
Not when it's important. Remember when you helped clean my garage,
so I could go see Galaxy Avengers?
Look at me Wow!
I remember! Nice going, Buster(!)
- The point is, we made it to the movie.
- The NEXT day.
OK, what about when Buster needed help with math?
- Maybe Arthur's right. But what can we do?
- I know! We can go on strike!
No homework till we get our books back!
Well, it was worth a try.
- We must quantitatively demonstrate we're not alone in our opinion.
- Huh?
Show PAWS a lot of kids want their books back.
I know - we should get signatures on a petition. That's what my mom did.
- It saved the old City Hall building.
- Do we have time?
- Let's find out!
Step right up!
Sign your name to save our books
and see the Amazing Arthur's derring-do!
Buster, are you sure about this?
(It's a commercial. Before they'll sign, we must get their attention!)
Go on!
Well done!
Sign on the dotted line!
PAWS is takin' your books away So I'm asking for your help today
Line up now and sign your name It's why I'm doing a jump-rope game!
Impact on school performance is geometric, as you see.
- A marked rise in the learning curve. Is it not obvious you must sign?
- No.
- But we will if you promise to stop explaining it!
- Please!
- Absolutely!
Excuse me. A parents' group took our favourite books from the library.
- Would you sign a petition to put them back?
- Another volunteer worker!
But it depends on the books. I wouldn't go against your parents.
They're not OUR parents. I dunno WHO they are. It's our favourite books -
The Scare Your Pants Off Club books.
The Scare Your Pants Off Club books? Do you read them, er?
- Arthur. Yes - all of them! I haven't missed a single one!
- It IS serious.
Maybe I should speak to this group. Don't give up, Arthur.
- You and your friends are doing a good thing!
- Sure - thanks!
I think Hey - wait! You forgot to sign.
You think we have enough names?
I think so. We just have to hope they'll listen to us.
Who wants to go to WonderWorld free? I'm having a party there!
- You're all invited.
- WOW! WonderWorld!
- Lick?
- My mom won't let me. Too much fatsugar Take it away.
Hey, Muffy! Look, it's your parents.
You don't know the harm these books do! My poor daughter had nightmares.
We started PAWS to save other kids. We're having a big rally.
- At the library tomorrow.
- YOUR mom and dad started PAWS?
Yes. And no-one working against them can come to MY party.
- What?!
- What?!
- What?!
- But we want our books back, Muffy.
You have to decide which means more to you.
My fabulous party - or silly books.
I dunno what to do, Mom. I don't wanna miss Muffy's WonderWorld party
OR lose my favourite books.
Arthur, all I can say is when you add everything up,
you have to do what you think is right. Even if it's a sacrifice.
What if I'm the only one to protest?
What if all my friends go to WonderWorld?
Don't be afraid to look foolish for what you believe in.
I'm late for the kids' charity do. PHWRRRRT! Ah, found it.
I'm not doing this for Ed Crosswire of Crosswire Motors, Park Street -
open most nights till ten - I'm doing it to save our kids.
Mr Crosswire, speaking for the kids, we really want our books back.
- We got signatures of support.
- That's nice, son. But we act for YOUR good.
Excuse me - have YOU read these books?
Well, HAVE you?
I'm proud to say I wouldn't if you paid me.
Miss McWord - my old English teacher!
You never DID read, Ed(!)
The writer works hard on stories kids LIKE to read -
so then they'll read OTHER books too.
What makes YOU an expert? I wrote them!
- YOU wrote the Scare Your Pants Off Club books?
- EA dePoe is my pen-name.
Miss dePoe! I'm your number one fan!
I have all your books. Anyone got a pen?
- You've read them ALL?
- Well, Mary Alice Crosswire!
- If it wasn't those books that gave you a nightmare, what WAS it?
- Hey.
I'm beginning to understand who ate my quart of HazenPfeffer ice cream.
You KNOW it gives you nightmares! Oh, Muffy!
Ed, what say we actually READ one of my books and see what you think?
Ohyes, why not?
"..And since that night,
"nobody has dared to steal from the haunted hamburger stand again!"
Well, Daddy?
- I guess I shouldn't have tried to stop you reading books
- I
- hadn't read.
Then we can have them back?
Well, on one condition.
Would you read another one? Please?
"No-one in the village knew why the old man lived all alone,
"deep in the dark woods. Only the forest animals knew his secret."
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