As Time Goes By (1992) s03e07 Episode Script

307 - The Mini Series

# You must remember this # A kiss is still a kiss # A sigh is just a sigh # The fundamental things apply # As time goes by # Do you always clear your throat every time you turn the page? - I wasn't aware I did.
- Well, you do.
I'm sorry.
- I've never noticed that.
- I'm sure you haven't.
- Didn't your wife notice? - We never read in bed.
She wouldn't have the light on under any circumstances.
Oh, I see.
I wonder why I do it.
What do you think it is? Annoying.
- Does it have psychological significance? - I doubt it.
I bet it does.
Like the way you always whistle when you're chopping onions.
- I don't! - You do.
You just haven't noticed.
- What do I whistle? - You're quite ambitious.
Last time it was the 1812 Overture.
- What, all of it? - No.
You only chopped two onions.
- What a ridiculous conversation.
- I think we can say it's original.
- Nice to have someone to talk to in bed.
- Yes.
- How's the strength of the peseta? - I haven't the faintest idea.
- We're safer sticking to peculiar habits.
- Yes.
Another thing, you always fold your socks when you take them off.
- And you - I thought we were doing you.
I'll tell you what.
Let's leave it for another night.
I've got to be at my best in the morning.
I'm seeing a candidate about running the new branch of the agency.
- It's up to her to be at her best, then.
- How do you know it's a her? Because you had your hair done yesterday.
You are getting astute.
- It's half past twelve.
- It's Sunday night.
Let it ring.
- I can't.
- Let Judith answer it.
Judith would sleep through a brass band concert in her bedroom.
- Ooh! - It'll stop ringing just as you get to it.
Thanks for that.
Oh! - Yes? - Hi, lovely lady.
It's Alistair.
I've just got in from LA.
Oh, I couldn't be more thrilled.
Alistair, it's past midnight.
Well, we got stacked.
Look, I need to talk to Lionel, like, yesterday.
Well, he won't like it but I'll get him.
No need, no need.
I'll be there in about half an hour.
Bye! - You didn't have to get up.
- I was up.
Officially, I mean.
What if I just open the door and throw a bucket of water over him? Tempting.
But he did go all the way to America for you.
Yes.
The great miniseries idea.
Love in the Stone Age.
Well, he thinks it'll work.
He may have some news.
He'd better have.
If he's coming around to show us his holiday slides I shall get unpleasant.
How can somebody get here that quickly? I have a sneaking suspicion he's actually Superman.
Oh, Alistair.
Hey, listen.
It's just struck me.
- Did I wake you? - We were just talking.
Oh, as in talking.
Yes, we were discussing grunting and onions.
- As in - Grunting and onions.
You've lost me.
Well, that makes a change.
- Hi, Li.
- Good morning.
Before I forget, I brought you these.
- Why? - For fun.
- Thank you.
- Well, try them on.
Come on.
- Monster! You look sensational.
- Do we? Thank you, Alistair.
Sit down.
Would you like some coffee? Oh, superb.
Well, this is something, isn't it? Yes.
I like nothing better than sitting in the kitchen in the early hours wearing a silly hat.
If you don't like it, you don't have to keep it on.
Good.
I'll keep mine on, Alistair, if you get to the point.
OK.
Here's the point with a capital P.
- I've been talking to CBS.
- Who's he? An American television network.
Substitute "the".
And they're excited by your idea.
- It's your idea.
- Our idea, then.
Your story.
The young soldier and the young nurse falling in love but being parted by the Korean War.
Did I pitch it or did I pitch it? Cy Liebermann cried.
- With laughter? - Li! - It's not the Cy Liebermann, is it? - You know him? No.
I just thought it must be the Cy Liebermann.
I'm sorry, it must be the hat.
OK, are you ready for this? Cy Liebermann wants a treatment.
Why, what's wrong with him? - Nice one, Lionel.
- It's good news! I mean, a treatment.
What is a treatment? Something on paper.
An outline of the story.
A kind of development.
- What's a development? - Like a treatment.
- We're back where we started.
- 20, 25 pages about your story.
Hm? How you see it, how you'd write it, locations, characters, and just enough dialogue to make Cy drool.
- You can do that.
- I can? - Course you can.
- Tell the man.
- Just told him.
- Oh, I don't know.
It's not my field.
Lionel, be positive.
This is part of your life.
We have a short cut here.
We have the ear of the horse's mouth.
- It's Cy to Li, more or less.
- More or less what? Well, first we have to set up a meeting with Mike Barbosa.
He's like Cy's right arm.
If he likes the treatment, he flies back to the coast - Which coast? - Los Angeles.
The coast.
He flies back to the coast with a smile on all our faces.
This Mike Barbosa's coming all this way to read the treatment? Well, no, he's coming to London to buy some socks but he can fit us in.
That puts me into perspective, doesn't it? Long way to come for socks.
Forget the socks, hm? This is a gift from the gods.
Mi meets Li, Li impresses Mike.
Mike flies back to Cy, Cy rings Li and we're away.
Be positive.
So, how long have I got to write this treatment thing? Bags of time, Li.
Mike doesn't get in till Tuesday.
- Morning, Sandy.
- Morning.
It won't work, you know.
- What won't? - Starting to get in on time.
- It's too late to get the new branch now.
- Oh, ha-ha.
- Why are you on time? - The tension at breakfast.
I couldn't stand it so I just had some coffee and ran.
They haven't had another of their rows, have they? What do you mean, another of their rows? Oh, yeah, I see what you mean.
No, Lionel's got to write a treatment about him and Mum 38 years ago.
Alistair's busy persuading America to turn it into a miniseries.
That's great! Why should that produce tension at breakfast? - He's got till tomorrow to do it.
- Oh, yes? - Says who? - Cy somebody.
- Oh, I see, yes.
- I'll explain later.
- I've got to do these expenses.
- Your mum does those.
- She's gonna be late.
- She's interviewing at 11:00.
- You're not doing that as well, are you? - No, I'm not.
And don't look so horrified at the thought.
No, Mum will be in by then.
- She was just hanging on to help Lionel.
- Oh.
How are they getting on? Not very well.
When I left they hadn't even thought of a title.
- Good luck.
- Thanks.
What about Strangers In The Park? Sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock film.
Yes.
- Lovers In The Park? - No.
No.
I've got to go.
You'll do it.
Perhaps I should call it Psycho.
I'm sorry, Mum erm Miss Pargetter must have got held up.
- I'm sure she won't be long.
- I do hope not.
Well, I'm sure she won't.
Can I get you something to drink? Tea or coffee? No, I'd like a mineral water, please.
Still, with ice and a twist of lemon.
Right.
Well, I'll just go and see what I can do.
Miss Curtis would like a mineral water, still, with ice and a twist of lemon.
If you ask me, what Miss Curtis wants is a - Well, we're not a cocktail bar.
- I'll just go over the road and get one.
Did she specify any particular sort of glass? - Oh, you're not being very fair.
- I know.
- I bet her tights never ladder.
- Ooh, never.
- You're late.
- I know.
The Westway's jammed.
- You're limping.
- I know.
- Morning, boss.
- Morning.
- Oh - Why are you limping? I gave up on the cab and ran the last bit.
My heel's come off.
- Miss Curtis is waiting.
- She all right? - Very together.
- Oh, good.
Oh.
Miss Curtis.
Jean Pargetter.
So sorry to have kept you waiting.
The Westway is jammed solid and my heel came off my shoe.
Wouldn't you just know it? - Which way did you come? - The Westway.
Oh.
I checked the traffic update on the radio and allowed myself plenty of time.
Oh.
Good for you.
- Would you like a drink? - I've already ordered one, thank you.
Oh, right.
Oh, right.
There we are.
Well, you know what the job's all about.
- I must say your CV's very impressive.
- Thank you.
Oh, where is it now? Er Oh, yes, of course.
In my briefcase.
Oh.
Erm pickle.
- Pickle? - Yes.
My chap made me a quick sandwich for lunch and it must have come unopened.
- Cheese and pickle.
- I see.
- I'm sorry about your CV.
- No, don't worry.
It's only a photocopy.
Oh, good.
Good.
Well, erm Sally.
As I said, your CV's very impressive.
Thank you.
Erm Business Studies at Harvard? I thought they were the best.
Yes, quite.
Erm I don't quite see the relevance of a National Diploma in Design at Goldsmiths.
I just did it for fun, really.
Oh, right.
- Your mineral water.
- Thank you.
Judy, be a love.
Pop this round the corner and see if they can put the heel back on.
- Now where is the heel? - I don't know.
- Briefcase? - Oh, yes, of course.
The briefcase.
Oh.
- It's pickle.
- Yes, it's, erm It's pickle.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- I got covered in pickle today.
- How did you manage that? You didn't wrap the sandwiches properly.
- I thought I did.
- Well, you didn't.
- You couldn't have got covered in pickle.
- Well, I got it all over my hand.
I'm sorry.
Oh, no, I'm sorry, bursting in like that and going on about the pickle.
- How's it going? - I've done three pages.
- That's not much.
- That's how it's going.
- Why aren't you using the word processor? - It won't make me think any faster.
In any case, those things are beyond me.
- Would you like a drink? - I'd better not.
I've got a feeling it's going to be a long night.
- What's the problem? - Would you like a list? The main problem, then.
Age.
It's not easy remembering what I was like at 20.
I thought you were lovely.
I can hardly describe myself as a lovely second lieutenant, can I? What's this inset? It's some dialogue, remember? Alistair said to put in some dialogue to make Cy Liebermann drool.
Oh.
"Excuse me, miss, could you direct me to Curzon Street?" "Yes, just cross Park Lane and it's almost directly opposite.
" "Thank you.
" "Not at all.
" "It's sunny today.
" "Yes, it is.
Quite warm too.
" "Yes, quite warm.
" - That's what we said.
- It's not going to make him drool.
Drop off, maybe.
All right.
Try substituting, "Hi, babe.
" "Hiya, big boy.
" - That's silly.
- Well, it's all silly.
The whole idea.
- I mean tomorrow Mike - Barbosa.
He's gonna read this and think it's worth less than the socks he's coming to buy.
You give up and I'll stuff the rest of the pickle down your shirt.
- It's worth a go.
We agreed.
- All right, it's worth a go.
I think I will have that drink.
It might lubricate my memory.
Oh, I forgot to ask.
How did the interview go? She was intimidating.
She looked like a fashion plate, had endless qualifications and made me feel about 150.
- A scruffy 150-year-old.
- You didn't like her? Well, I don't have to like her.
She'll be working in another building.
Until the coup, that is.
- It'll take about six months.
- Did you give her the job? Well, not straightaway.
- I will, probably.
I said I'd let her know.
- That's the idea.
Make her sweat a bit.
I don't think so.
She said could it be within 24 hours as she had a lot of other interviews lined up.
- You better get going.
I'll do the dinner.
- Yes, you're right.
I'll tell you what, I categorically refuse to go into any details about sex.
- Whose sex? - Ours.
I wouldn't be too categorical.
We watch a lot of miniseries.
A little bit of sex never hurts.
- I'm not telling the world what we got up to.
- It wouldn't be us.
It'd be just two people.
Well, in that case, I'll put in the bit about the airing cupboard.
What airing cupboard? Don't you remember? Oh! Oh, yes.
Well, get writing.
I can't do it now.
We haven't even held hands yet.
No, Mr Coleman, that's absolutely no problem.
We'll have a senior executive with you within the hour.
I promise.
Thank you.
Bye.
Old man Coleman is kicking up a stink.
That Caroline didn't turn up again today.
I promised him a senior executive.
- Judy.
- I'm not a senior executive.
True but you have very winning ways.
Off you go.
I'm a martyr, that's what I am.
Right.
Coleman.
- Oh, yes.
- What are you doing? - I'm gonna swot up on this in the taxi.
- What is it? Model aeroplanes.
Old man Coleman is mad about modern aeroplanes.
- Clever girl.
- Yeah, well, I'll be off then.
- Any news from Lionel? - He was trying to finish it when I left.
- The air was rather blue.
- Oh, dear.
- Oh, well, I'll see you later.
- Bye.
Oh, yes, don't forget to ring Miss Ice Cubes.
You could have had that branch, Sandy.
I know.
But I like it here.
Don't ask me why but I do.
Miss Ice Cubes, you know, will be about as popular as a fox in a chicken run.
You don't have to be loved to run a business.
Oh, I know that.
I've done it.
Alistair phoned.
We're having lunch with this Mike Barbosa on a boat.
- He hasn't hired the QEII, has he? - I wouldn't be surprised.
I wondered if Sandy could run off some copies.
- Yes, of course.
- Thanks.
- Oh.
It's in a bit of a mess, isn't it? - Probably in every sense of the word.
Why don't I put this onto the word processor? It won't take an hour.
I haven't got an hour.
I hung on till the last minute trying to come up with a title.
I've called it A Tale Of Two People.
Oh.
It's the best I could think of.
I'll go and do your copies.
- This lunch.
You won't be aggressive, will you? - Of course not.
- Or surly? - Or surly.
- Just think of the money.
- If I thought it was worth any, I would.
The copier's all set.
Just put the sheets in the tray and press the red button.
- I'll give you a hand.
- Oh, thanks.
Oh, wouldn't you know? Hello.
Oh, Mr Downton.
Yes.
Oh, that's interesting.
Yes.
Will you just hold on a minute? Just put the sheets in the tray and press the red button.
You can do that.
- I'm not an imbecile.
- Hello, Mr Downton, I'm so sorry.
If you could just hold for a minute, I think it's on Miss Pargetter's desk.
- Just put the sheets in the tray - And press the red button, I know.
Oh, no, no.
I'll pay.
Oh, well.
That's very nice of you.
- If you insist, yes.
- Hello? I know what's happened.
Wednesday? Yes, 1:00.
The Pomme D'Amour.
I'll put the current one in the post to you today.
- Yes, I look forward to seeing you.
Right, bye.
- That's no problem at all.
- The Pomme D'Amour.
- Yes, he likes me.
- Is everything all right? - Yes, fine.
When do the copies come out? What? What? Oh, Lionel! - Will you slow down? - It's bad manners to be late.
Well, it's better than arriving on the dot all hot and sweaty.
- You don't have to stop altogether.
- Let's not go at all.
I'm not even supposed to be here in the first place.
I'm not going instead of you.
You're better at talking than me.
Good God.
Fancy having to tell a treatment.
It's either that or handing him strips of paper and a pot of glue.
- Oh, come on.
It's worth a try.
- I think we're here, actually.
Queen Mary? Oh, that looks nice.
So did the Titanic.
Hey, hey.
Two creative minds for the price of one.
- I hope you don't mind.
- It was a machine, you see.
No probs.
Let me introduce you.
Jean, Mike, Mike, Jean.
- Mike Barbosa.
How are you doing? - Mike, Lionel, Lionel, Mike.
How are you? I'm good and I'm eagerly anticipating reading your treatment.
Well, er let's sit, shall we? So folks, shall we have a drink before we trough? Jean? Oh, I could kill for a gin and tonic.
Scotch, please.
A large one.
- Mike.
- Mineral water, please.
- Yes, make that two mineral waters, please.
- Yes, sir.
- Did you get your socks, Mike? - I surely did, Jean, thank you.
You know, nobody makes socks quite like the Brits.
We think of it as almost an art form.
- How's Cy, Mike? - Tremendously excited.
Before I left he said to me, "Mike, bring me back a winner.
" - Not socks? - Excuse me? - It was a joke.
- Oh, I see.
And a winner is what we think we have for you.
What am I saying? "Think"? - We are certain.
- Great.
Now, with your permission, I'd very much like to read the treatment before we eat.
There isn't a treatment.
Alistair? Lionel? I'm not technical, you see.
I never have been.
I don't know one machine from another, and a red button's a red button in anyone's language.
Thank goodness I don't work at Cape Canaveral.
What Lionel's saying is that words are so bland on a page, aren't they? I mean, this is a story about love and hopes and fears and sadness.
And Lionel would really prefer to tell you it himself.
- A pitch? - Er yes.
Yes, a pitch.
- What pitch? - You to me, Lionel.
Come on, let's here that story.
Oh, that sort of pitch.
Right.
Yes.
Right.
Thank you.
Well - Once upon a time - In 1954.
In 1954.
I was coming to that.
Well, in 1954 Are you sure you really want to hear this? I cried and cried when I didn't hear from Lionel.
Damned British Armed Forces Post Office.
Of all the letters they had to lose, it had to be mine.
So you see, I thought that Lionel had never written to me from Korea.
And I thought Jean hadn't written back.
And we were both too proud and too incredibly stupid to do anything about it.
End of story.
That's all.
All? This is Hemingway.
This is Hecht.
This is - AA Milne? - AA Milne! - It has laughter.
Tears.
- Sex.
- Sex! - We skated over that.
Lionel, ice can cover a very deep pond.
Does this ship have a fax? I have to get this back to Cy while it's still burning in my brain.
Let's find out, Mike.
Let's find out.
Hey, just a minute.
- Does this thing have a title? - Well - It's just two people, really.
- Just Two People! My God, that's great! Fax! - Hope they hurry up.
I'm hungry.
- Is that all you've got to say? Oh.
Yes, thank you.
No, no! Aren't you excited? Mike's crazy about it.
He's impressionable.
He's only 15.
He's faxing Cy! - Who's probably only 16.
- I don't care if he's still in nappies.
They've got power, these people.
You must be a bit excited.
All right, I am.
But I'm hungry as well.
Hooray for Hollywood I do wish you'd stop singing that.
- You'll be there this time tomorrow.
- What about the time difference? Well, this time yesterday, then.
Or the day after.
Either way, you going to Los Angeles to see Cy.
If I don't get murdered on the way to his office.
There are more murders in a day in Los Angeles than there are in a year in the whole of China.
- I don't believe a word of that.
- Well, there are lots.
- Will you be taking this? - Certainly not.
Raincoat? No, you won't need a raincoat.
- Shall I help you with your packing? - I'm not coming.
- What? - I'm not coming.
But Mike said you could.
He's reserved two seats.
I'm not just coming as a hanger-on.
It may have escaped your notice but I have a business to run.
- I think it's time you eased off a bit.
- Eased off? I'm not past it, you know.
I'm not ready to be put out to pasture yet.
I didn't say you were but you've got all these young people.
Judith, Sandy No.
Sandy, and now Miss Ice Cubes.
Curtis.
Sally Curtis.
And they're not just wonderful cos they're young.
- You said she intimidated you.
- I said she was intimidating.
You said she made you feel 150.
Yes, well, that's true.
She does.
But that's the point.
If a writer goes to Hollywood with a woman she's meant to be in her mid-20s, pencil thin, wants nothing more than to sit round the pool and have no other opinion than the temperature of the water.
- I don't fit that bill.
- Well, you fit my bill.
What would I do with a girl like that, anyway? Put it this way.
If this thing ever does get beyond people saying "Great" and "Hemingway", - you're part of the story.
- Yes but they want you to write it.
- And don't say, "More fool they.
" - Then think of it as a holiday.
Oh, Lionel, this is the first year that I've actually looked forward to a holiday.
- Well, then.
- Let me finish.
But I hope it'll just be you and I, not you at meetings all day and me sitting around the pool.
I see.
Don't look like that.
This is a chance for you.
It's yours.
- Will you come or not? - No.
I'll just get my toilet bag.
I'll see you, then.
Well, as you're only going to the bathroom, you're bound to.
- Where to, sir? - Oblivion, probably.
- Sorry? - Los Angeles, then.
Thank you.
at any time.
Unattended baggage will be removed and may be destroyed.
Well, I am wearing mine, all right? # You must remember this # A kiss is still a kiss # A sigh is just a sigh # The fundamental things apply # As time goes by # And when two lovers woo # They still say I love you # On that you can rely # The world will always welcome lovers # As time goes by #