Astrid and Lilly Save the World (2022) s01e07 Episode Script
Lips
Previously on Astrid and
Lilly Save The World.
Well, what you're smelling is the effect of a Kevaculous.
- It's Varshidi.
- Whoa! Tate, we need your help.
- Don't say there's a monster.
- There's a monster.
Are you breaking up with me? I'm sorry.
I'm really happy that we're friends again.
Me, too.
- What'd she want? - Nothing.
I really like you too, Astrid.
How 'bout we start with another date? He's worse than anything you can imagine.
- Who? - The Guardian! I told you I would never let you down.
Oh! - You need to stop this.
- Or maybe we have to see where this goes.
Oh Ahh.
I can't What? Oh! Pardon my manners.
Did-did you want one? - Mm-mm.
- Hard pass.
No.
By the way, what brings you here? Nothing's come through the portal since you 86'd the Kevaculous.
- It's about Kevin, actually.
- Mm-hm.
He said some stuff about a big new scary in town.
Something called the Guardian.
Are you sure that's what he said? Yeah.
- Positive.
- Yeah.
Okay, what's the skinny? The Guardian is a mega-powerful ancient human that came to my dimension over 1,000 years ago from Earth and caused catastrophic death and destruction by trying to open all the portals.
At once.
So far, so bad.
And the Kevaculous said he's returned? Yeah.
Hm? I fail to see the humor! I'm sorry, it's just the Guardian The Guardian is a story monster that parents tell their hatchlings to scare them into behaving.
It's like-it's like your-your Santa Claus! Well, then why did Kevin bring him up? I don't know.
Probably to psych you out.
Classic, classic exorcism move.
But don't worry.
I'll get you some proof.
Thanks, Brutus.
The Guardian.
Ooh! Finally.
Oh, my.
I had no idea that your final form would be so m-magnificent.
Tell me: how can I serve you? Now, that I have become, I'm feeling a little tingle in my handsome hands.
That means an alternate power source is nearby.
Keep eyes, my faithful acolyte, hm? Uh, now is there anything to eat around here? Transmogrification makes for a hungry Guardian.
Do-do you want a sandwich? Now, you try.
And, ladies, never let a man tell you that he is too big for one.
It's a lie.
Learned that the hard way.
Now, who can tell me some consequences of unprotected sex? Pregnancy.
STDs.
Okay.
What else? Maternal mortality? Anybody else? Oh, come on! You guys are forgetting one of the most important ones! Stretch marks, obviously.
There is nothing funny about never being able to wear a bikini again, Sparrow.
Okay, now, who can name some parts of the male reproductive system? Chucklenuts; dongles; bro globes; two mice in a warm sock! Sorry to interrupt.
What, exactly, am I interrupting? We are discussing sexual anatomy.
Uh, let's stick with the board-approved terms, shall we? Everyone, I want you to welcome Pine Academy's newest student, Trystan Howell.
Holy shit.
Hey.
Dude just waltzes in here and he's already a million times cooler than us.
Frickin' high school.
Ooh, yay! The superlatives.
Ah, I gotta cast my vote in for best duo! Mm-hm! Not even clever.
Jerks! More like Most likely to be kickass.
And Eggs a zillionaire.
Obviously.
You're blocking the box.
Is there a category for most likely to be voted off the island because you'd be a lock.
- Hm.
- Hm.
Do you have to keep doing that? Why? She's the worst.
Well, I have to talk to her about play stuff and you're not helping.
Get your Spirit Day game tickets! Win awesome prizes! Oh, back in a sec.
That whole yearbook thing is so dumb, by the way.
Says the girl who'll get voted best legs.
I'm assuming.
Um, I mean it's not like I think you have good legs.
I mean, you know you have good legs.
But it's not like I stare at your legs, or anything.
I'm-I'm-I, uh And I'm not saying I voted.
I don't vote.
So Are you okay? Mm-hm.
Do you actually want to go to Spirit Fair? Can't we just go see a movie? It always gets weird when we do outside stuff.
What do you mean? Well, I-I mean, first, there was the hostage situation.
- Not our best hour.
- Sure.
Then there was the roller rink super-spreader event.
- Okay, okay, point taken.
- Yeah.
Like, it's a school fair.
How weird could it get? And, plus, think of all the junk food! Ah, my body is a temple.
That I would like to defile.
Okay, sold.
I'm running the kissing booth and I need to leave rehearsal early to set up.
Uh Do you think we could run lines again sometime? I could really use the practice.
- Yeah, but let me know when.
- Yeah.
Does this look like the loser table? Sparrow is radiating sex in that shirt.
Mm.
It's like his shirt knows it's going to be all sweaty and up in my grill.
Astrid, I am so happy for you, but can we please talk about something else? I observed a disturbance in the sky last night.
Hi, Eggs.
How are you? I triangulated the coordinates with the last two celestial anomalies.
It is related to that thing you're up to that you say you're not up to.
Would you like the second coordinates now or after I've pinpointed the triangulation? If I knew what you were talking about, I think I'd probably say the latter? - Agreed.
- Yeah.
He's so dreamy it kinda makes me wanna barf.
I'm Candace.
Uh, how's your first day? So far, so good.
Um the school is having this, um, this big fair tomorrow night.
I'm running the kissing booth.
And, uh, and you should stop by.
I'd love to.
Sounds good.
See you there.
New "It couple" alert.
Ugh.
Be back.
Uh, bathroom.
Ow! Aw! Really, leg, now? FYI, we have another monster.
I'm aware.
I was just collecting some information for you.
Copiosus Liberi is its name and reproduction is its game.
Specifically, making thousands of little mini-me's.
Yech.
It's a real, big 'ol narcissist.
All right, let's take a look at this psycho.
All the deets are in here.
I'm going to regret asking this, but how, exactly, does it reproduce? It uses supercharged pheromones to draw in its victims.
Tell me it's not humping people.
- What? No.
Gross.
- Okay.
No, it deposits its eggs in people's throats.
Ew.
Um, okay.
How do we kill it? First, you'll need this.
Get anywhere within 20 feet of the Liberi and its pheromones Will draw you to him.
The effects will fade immediately once you're out of range.
But if you want to get close enough to kill it, you're going to need nose plugs.
Once you have it cornered, you're going to need to contain it with this.
It looks like a giant body condom.
This is a highly sophisticated, very expensive monster trap.
Sure.
Friends, friends: I'm going to need you to focus, okay? This is very serious.
You're going to need to collect its lips for the orb.
And you're going to need to destroy the Liberi eggs.
If you can separate the eggs from the host bodies before they hatch, everyone should recover.
As long as we can bag this thing before the fair tomorrow.
Mm-hm.
I can't, uh, bail on another date with Sparrow.
Wait.
Did you say fair? Because I love fairs! Oh, my God! The gorging on pickled gnarflack innards, winning prizes at the giant slug toss, cheering on the Scare-You-To-Death contest! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh, ahh! - Our fairs are not like that.
- Mm.
Oh, I'm sure whatever you have is just great.
Ooh, I'll be there! Stop, you're lying.
You made out with the new kid? Swear on my favorite pair of Birks.
I ran into him in the stairway and it just sort of happened.
I've never been kissed so deeply.
It was like a religious experience.
Has anybody seen Naomi Linklater? Hope we're not having another mono outbreak.
What if she's filled with eggs? The nest might be on campus.
Before I let you go Let's patrol after class.
Votes for the yearbook categories are in! I-I'll meet you post-rehearsal.
Most likely to be President: Trystan Howell.
Yes.
I voted for you, man! I voted for you.
- Favourite duo.
- Oh, my God, favorite duo.
Trystan Howell? Weird.
- Ah, we'll get 'em next year.
- Mm.
Most likely to play professional sports.
Maybe next year, guys.
Trystan Howell.
Again.
He felt like a great guy.
I have forgot why I did call thee back.
Let me stand here 'til thou remember it.
Stop! Why are you playing it like that? Romeo and Juliet are supposed to be drunk - in this scene.
- No they're not.
They've been partying all night.
Juliet can't remember what she was talking about.
They're obviously wasted.
I don't have time for this.
I'm gonna go set up the kissing booth.
Val? Where is my understudy!? Uh, she went to emergency theater camp to prepare her crocodile craft.
Smart.
Ahem! Rehearsal's over.
Are we going to go do that thing you said we were going to do? Patrol the school? Okay, give me a second.
I'll meet you back here at eight, cool? You got it.
Mm.
Guess I'll go find the egg monster on my own.
Lilly! Lilly! Come on, Lilly.
Yeah, I know I screwed up.
I'm still trying to just figure out this whole having-a-boyfriend thing.
I'm sorry for being a mega-turd.
It's fine.
Just forget it.
We have a creepy egg monster we have to kill.
Well, while we're on the subject Of creepy egg monsters? Boyfriends! Yeah, we should get you one! I know we're not rolling in quality specimens, but I'm sure there's a dude out there who's at least semi-worthy.
Mm-mm.
There isn't.
Not a dude, anyway.
Okay, okay, Wait.
A.
Minute.
Lilly Fortenberry.
- Have you been holding out on me? - Uh.
Are you crushing on a special lady friend? Oh, my God! Do I know her? No! No.
She's from book club.
Well, look at you! An older woman.
No! No, no.
Ah-ah, her Her mom is in my mom's book club.
- Oh.
- But it doesn't matter.
It's all very hypothetical.
Okay, well, if you want it to be thetical, I got you.
Thanks.
Oh, my God.
I'm gonna be the best wingperson ever! Okay.
Come on.
Let's get back to Sir Eggamame.
Oh, yeah.
Do you have Brutus' giant body condom? - Check.
- Nose plugs? No way.
We get enough shit already! I'm not wearing those things until we're 20 feet from that beaked creep.
Smart.
Oh, um can you put these in your backpack? I just don't want to keep them in my pocket in case my leg gets kicky.
Mm.
Do you have the folder? Yeah! Totally on top of it.
Mrs.
P.
, love the hair! Colin, tell your mom thanks for the brownies! Oh.
What is this? Thought you said you were doing a lemonade stand! Oh, it is a lemonade stand.
It looks like an abstinence booth.
Well, take a look around here.
It's like "Fifty Shades of Pine Academy".
They are just normal teenagers.
Would you like to partake of my golden shower? No, I can't.
You win.
Golden shower.
Thank you for stopping by! You made it.
How are you liking our human fair? Food gets top marks.
The entertainment could use some help.
So, how's it going with the hunt? Big fat zero so far.
Oh.
Can you help us keep an eye out? Copy that.
I'll go recon the Skee Ball tent.
Hey, ladies! Looking cute today.
I should hate him with the white-hot intensity of a 1,000 suns.
But he's just so nice.
There is no denying it.
We lost Favourite Duo to the better man.
I'm gonna need three orders stat! Didn't you just buy one? What are you, the funnel cake police? You let me eat my feelings, okay? Hey, slow down, Usain Bolt! What's the rush? Why does every monster have the absolute worst timing? I think tonight's the night with Sparrow.
Gonna take a trip to Bonetown, USA! Two.
Are you sure? I-I mean, it could be the Liberi monster pheromones.
Come on, Lils.
It's not the pheromones.
I've been waiting for this to happen for forever.
Yeah, as long as you're sure.
I am.
Suddenly smelling something really bad! Ow! Oh, yeah.
It's go time.
Quite the booth you've got here.
Oh, hi.
I'm just looking out for the kids, trying to give them some guidance, you know? Candace is lucky to have a mother who's so involved.
Both of you are such a good influence on Tate.
That is very nice of you to say.
Ah, it's no picnic trying to raise a teenage girl all on my own.
Especially without a strong male role model.
Now, that must be so hard.
It really is, Doug.
You know Um, I would love to swap parenting tips with you sometime.
I'm free right now.
I can't see it! Oh, that way! Hey, buttmunch! - Okay, get the monster trap! - It's about to attack.
Ah, one sec! Oh, come on, come on! Come on, come on! Hoo-wha! Ah! You did it! Badaaass! Now we just need his lips for the orb.
Not it! I think I'm gonna hurl.
Did the monster get you? No, it's not monster eggsacks.
It's just too many funnel cakes.
Ah.
And a raging case of the sads.
Breakups are tough, you know? I didn't realize you were dating.
Yeah, isn't that kinda dangerous? Like, a monster-human No, she's from my dimension.
Don't worry.
Mm.
Well, whoever she is, she's nuts for leaving.
- Yes, you are a stand-up guy.
- Mm-hm.
And, plus, you have that super-cool horn.
Thank you so much! Oh, yeah.
Anyway, enough about me.
Where are we with the Liberi? Done and dusted.
All we need to do is put that beak thing in the orb.
- Mm-hm.
- Mazel.
I can take care of the orb.
You go be with Sparrow.
Are you sure? Because I can stay and help Yes, get out of here.
Go catch your train to bonetown.
Bonetown, USA.
Hm.
It's okay.
Okay, bye.
I'm ready to defile your beautiful temple now! Are you serious? As a Russian novel.
Okay.
Where can we go? Oh, crap, didn't really think this through.
Dammit! I should have taken the car.
All aboard? Parenting question number one: do you believe in spanking, big boy? 'Cause I do.
You've been a bad, bad boy, haven't you? Naughty, naughty, Dougie.
Mmm All alone at last.
Mm? You think we have enough? Always be prepared.
Just in case it wasn't clear: I consent.
Enthusiastically.
Hell, yes.
I consent too.
Ha! Uh, what are you doing in here? Just taking a break.
- Kissing booth was insane.
- Oh.
Um sit with me? Uh, I don't know.
Please? Okay.
Mm.
Thanks.
Mmm.
It's so good.
Aren't you, uh, worried your mom might find out? Pretty sure she's too busy playing sex police to keep tabs on me.
What denomination are you? - I'm an atheist.
- No, you're not.
No, you're going to pray with me.
- Come on, say, "Oh, God.
" - Oh, God.
- Like you mean it! - Oh, God! I am saving you, Doug.
Oh, my God, I'm gonna save you right now.
Right now! You okay? You change your mind? I just I've never been naked in front of anyone before.
Me neither.
I'm kind of nervous about it, to be honest.
It's a little different for you.
If you don't want to do this, that's that's totally cool.
But just know I think you're incredibly sexy.
Yeah? I've been thinking about this moment ever since I first saw you with blood in your hair.
You know, the The last time I remember actually being happy was when I was a kid.
When we were friends.
And, now, everyone just expects me to be this cool, confident person.
It's Exhausting.
You know, most of the time, I just feel like I'm invisible.
But you're Candace.
You're, like, the most visible.
None of that's real.
You know, I only did the kissing booth to piss off my mom and she didn't even notice.
Well you're kinda hard to ignore with those legs.
Thanks.
Hnh.
You know what I would've voted you? Mm? Easiest to talk to.
Um.
Screw it.
Ow, ow, ah! - Are you okay? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ah, I just sat on something.
Uh, I'm really sorry, but I have go take care of something.
Uh Um Maybe I'll see you soon? Yeah.
Okay.
Ooh! Hi, honey.
Hi.
What a fun fair, huh? What a What fun, okay.
I-I'm gonna see you at home, okay? Bye-bye.
Oh! Bye, baby! What the hell? Oh Hm.
Orb, why aren't you working? Astrid, call me back! I think we got the wrong monster.
The orb isn't working! An orb? What the? I can't wait to meet you.
You and all the other mini-Trystans.
I'm the best.
Oh, my God.
So when are we going to do that again? Well, I don't have anywhere else to be, so Uh Damn it.
But I do.
Seriously? Right now? It's Lilly.
She needs me.
What if you just hang tight? I will be right back.
Okay.
Oh! I got you something.
I won it at the ring toss.
Um it looks like a sparrow, I thought, so I don't-I don't really know what I thought, actually.
I thought that maybe, uh Yeah, it's It's dumb.
It's dumb.
Yeah.
I love it.
Yeah? You're still here? I'm trying to digest six pounds of funnel cake.
You want to tell us how it happened that we smoked the wrong monster? Describe him to me? A chicken But also a human? Yeah You killed the Personal Assistant Monster.
The what? The Liberi's Personal Assistant.
It was all in the folder.
Astrid! Okay, sorry, I've been a little distracted.
That's the last time you get to keep the folder.
Okay, tell us exactly what we're looking for then? Well it has to get close enough to deposit its eggs, so may be safe to assume that it looks human enough to blend in.
And very attractive.
Mm.
Freakin' duh! Wait How come our powers didn't go off? Hm, most likely the pheromones.
Although, the nose plugs would have protected you.
You were wearing the nose plugs, right? Yeah.
No.
Hi! Have you seen Trystan? Where's the new kid? Next Oh, no What an incredible specimen.
You will make a wonderful host.
Whoa, whoa.
Hey, whoa.
Whoa, wait your turn.
I've been in line for 45 minutes! Oh, my God.
Hm? Wait, just give me a second, I need to focus.
Anything? Shh! Ohh I can hear the eggs in the creepy storage room.
Okay.
- Let's go! - Okay.
Oh, shit.
Okay.
- Oh! - Oh! Get away from him! Oh.
- Are you okay? - Run! Not gonna work, perv! Do it now! You can't kill me! I'm the cool kid! Think again, jerk! We're taking Favorite Duo back! No, no!! Ahh!! Ahh! Oh, God.
Whoa.
What? Ooh.
Ah, yes.
Cool.
The eggs! They're hatching! Oh.
Oh.
Oh, no.
Oh, ah! Hey.
It's okay.
Where am I? Um, uh, it's okay, it was just a prank.
Somebody put acid in the funnel cake.
Go home.
You'll be fine! Just-just sleep it off.
Ready for some smashing? Hm.
Oh, yeah.
Uh Ugh.
Oh.
Oh, God.
Oh.
Oh, my decorations.
Those losers are going to be in detention until they graduate.
Man, that was so sick.
But, like, so frickin' cool! Speaking of which Did you and Sparrow? Oh, yeah.
Oh, my gosh.
Do you want to talk about it? - Definitely.
- But, like, not right now, if that's okay, 'cause it's all just A lot? - Yeah.
- But you're happy? Well, how about you? D'you get up to any scandalous shenanigans with your mysterious lady friend? Uh, no! Of course not! I don't even know why you're asking that.
Why are you so jumpy! Um, I'm not! Um, anyhoo, we should probably get home.
Well, you definitely are, but fine.
Okay.
You have the keys.
Um, uh, one second! I-I-I forgot.
I just need to go get something.
Just wait right here.
Uh, don't move.
And I'm the jumpy one.
Hi! What's your name? Carl.
Okay Come.
We're going to be friends forever.
Round two? No! No, I mean, yes! Yes! No, but, like, later, but Just definitely not now! You have to go, ASAP.
I will explain later.
- Astrid? - Ah Tonight was awesome and I am so into you.
Ditto, crazy lady.
Let me guess: you want to forget what happened.
You weren't yourself, it was a big mistake.
It's okay.
No, I I wanted to say goodnight.
Yo, jerkface! Go ruin someone else's night.
You said you'd stop doing that.
Sorry, force of habit.
Whatever.
Um I'm gonna go.
Uh, I'll text you about running lines tomorrow night.
Cool.
Oh, and, uh Fair dinkum and g'day! We were supposed to test drive my new microscope tomorrow night.
Oh.
Sorry, um, can we reschedule? And these two little girls have an orb as well.
Interesting.
So, that's the alternate power tingle I was sensing.
They must be monster hunters.
How cute.
There's nothing cute about them.
Do we need to worry? About two little girls? Hardly.
But we might as well have some fun.
Well, what you're smelling is the effect of a Kevaculous.
- It's Varshidi.
- Whoa! Tate, we need your help.
- Don't say there's a monster.
- There's a monster.
Are you breaking up with me? I'm sorry.
I'm really happy that we're friends again.
Me, too.
- What'd she want? - Nothing.
I really like you too, Astrid.
How 'bout we start with another date? He's worse than anything you can imagine.
- Who? - The Guardian! I told you I would never let you down.
Oh! - You need to stop this.
- Or maybe we have to see where this goes.
Oh Ahh.
I can't What? Oh! Pardon my manners.
Did-did you want one? - Mm-mm.
- Hard pass.
No.
By the way, what brings you here? Nothing's come through the portal since you 86'd the Kevaculous.
- It's about Kevin, actually.
- Mm-hm.
He said some stuff about a big new scary in town.
Something called the Guardian.
Are you sure that's what he said? Yeah.
- Positive.
- Yeah.
Okay, what's the skinny? The Guardian is a mega-powerful ancient human that came to my dimension over 1,000 years ago from Earth and caused catastrophic death and destruction by trying to open all the portals.
At once.
So far, so bad.
And the Kevaculous said he's returned? Yeah.
Hm? I fail to see the humor! I'm sorry, it's just the Guardian The Guardian is a story monster that parents tell their hatchlings to scare them into behaving.
It's like-it's like your-your Santa Claus! Well, then why did Kevin bring him up? I don't know.
Probably to psych you out.
Classic, classic exorcism move.
But don't worry.
I'll get you some proof.
Thanks, Brutus.
The Guardian.
Ooh! Finally.
Oh, my.
I had no idea that your final form would be so m-magnificent.
Tell me: how can I serve you? Now, that I have become, I'm feeling a little tingle in my handsome hands.
That means an alternate power source is nearby.
Keep eyes, my faithful acolyte, hm? Uh, now is there anything to eat around here? Transmogrification makes for a hungry Guardian.
Do-do you want a sandwich? Now, you try.
And, ladies, never let a man tell you that he is too big for one.
It's a lie.
Learned that the hard way.
Now, who can tell me some consequences of unprotected sex? Pregnancy.
STDs.
Okay.
What else? Maternal mortality? Anybody else? Oh, come on! You guys are forgetting one of the most important ones! Stretch marks, obviously.
There is nothing funny about never being able to wear a bikini again, Sparrow.
Okay, now, who can name some parts of the male reproductive system? Chucklenuts; dongles; bro globes; two mice in a warm sock! Sorry to interrupt.
What, exactly, am I interrupting? We are discussing sexual anatomy.
Uh, let's stick with the board-approved terms, shall we? Everyone, I want you to welcome Pine Academy's newest student, Trystan Howell.
Holy shit.
Hey.
Dude just waltzes in here and he's already a million times cooler than us.
Frickin' high school.
Ooh, yay! The superlatives.
Ah, I gotta cast my vote in for best duo! Mm-hm! Not even clever.
Jerks! More like Most likely to be kickass.
And Eggs a zillionaire.
Obviously.
You're blocking the box.
Is there a category for most likely to be voted off the island because you'd be a lock.
- Hm.
- Hm.
Do you have to keep doing that? Why? She's the worst.
Well, I have to talk to her about play stuff and you're not helping.
Get your Spirit Day game tickets! Win awesome prizes! Oh, back in a sec.
That whole yearbook thing is so dumb, by the way.
Says the girl who'll get voted best legs.
I'm assuming.
Um, I mean it's not like I think you have good legs.
I mean, you know you have good legs.
But it's not like I stare at your legs, or anything.
I'm-I'm-I, uh And I'm not saying I voted.
I don't vote.
So Are you okay? Mm-hm.
Do you actually want to go to Spirit Fair? Can't we just go see a movie? It always gets weird when we do outside stuff.
What do you mean? Well, I-I mean, first, there was the hostage situation.
- Not our best hour.
- Sure.
Then there was the roller rink super-spreader event.
- Okay, okay, point taken.
- Yeah.
Like, it's a school fair.
How weird could it get? And, plus, think of all the junk food! Ah, my body is a temple.
That I would like to defile.
Okay, sold.
I'm running the kissing booth and I need to leave rehearsal early to set up.
Uh Do you think we could run lines again sometime? I could really use the practice.
- Yeah, but let me know when.
- Yeah.
Does this look like the loser table? Sparrow is radiating sex in that shirt.
Mm.
It's like his shirt knows it's going to be all sweaty and up in my grill.
Astrid, I am so happy for you, but can we please talk about something else? I observed a disturbance in the sky last night.
Hi, Eggs.
How are you? I triangulated the coordinates with the last two celestial anomalies.
It is related to that thing you're up to that you say you're not up to.
Would you like the second coordinates now or after I've pinpointed the triangulation? If I knew what you were talking about, I think I'd probably say the latter? - Agreed.
- Yeah.
He's so dreamy it kinda makes me wanna barf.
I'm Candace.
Uh, how's your first day? So far, so good.
Um the school is having this, um, this big fair tomorrow night.
I'm running the kissing booth.
And, uh, and you should stop by.
I'd love to.
Sounds good.
See you there.
New "It couple" alert.
Ugh.
Be back.
Uh, bathroom.
Ow! Aw! Really, leg, now? FYI, we have another monster.
I'm aware.
I was just collecting some information for you.
Copiosus Liberi is its name and reproduction is its game.
Specifically, making thousands of little mini-me's.
Yech.
It's a real, big 'ol narcissist.
All right, let's take a look at this psycho.
All the deets are in here.
I'm going to regret asking this, but how, exactly, does it reproduce? It uses supercharged pheromones to draw in its victims.
Tell me it's not humping people.
- What? No.
Gross.
- Okay.
No, it deposits its eggs in people's throats.
Ew.
Um, okay.
How do we kill it? First, you'll need this.
Get anywhere within 20 feet of the Liberi and its pheromones Will draw you to him.
The effects will fade immediately once you're out of range.
But if you want to get close enough to kill it, you're going to need nose plugs.
Once you have it cornered, you're going to need to contain it with this.
It looks like a giant body condom.
This is a highly sophisticated, very expensive monster trap.
Sure.
Friends, friends: I'm going to need you to focus, okay? This is very serious.
You're going to need to collect its lips for the orb.
And you're going to need to destroy the Liberi eggs.
If you can separate the eggs from the host bodies before they hatch, everyone should recover.
As long as we can bag this thing before the fair tomorrow.
Mm-hm.
I can't, uh, bail on another date with Sparrow.
Wait.
Did you say fair? Because I love fairs! Oh, my God! The gorging on pickled gnarflack innards, winning prizes at the giant slug toss, cheering on the Scare-You-To-Death contest! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh, ahh! - Our fairs are not like that.
- Mm.
Oh, I'm sure whatever you have is just great.
Ooh, I'll be there! Stop, you're lying.
You made out with the new kid? Swear on my favorite pair of Birks.
I ran into him in the stairway and it just sort of happened.
I've never been kissed so deeply.
It was like a religious experience.
Has anybody seen Naomi Linklater? Hope we're not having another mono outbreak.
What if she's filled with eggs? The nest might be on campus.
Before I let you go Let's patrol after class.
Votes for the yearbook categories are in! I-I'll meet you post-rehearsal.
Most likely to be President: Trystan Howell.
Yes.
I voted for you, man! I voted for you.
- Favourite duo.
- Oh, my God, favorite duo.
Trystan Howell? Weird.
- Ah, we'll get 'em next year.
- Mm.
Most likely to play professional sports.
Maybe next year, guys.
Trystan Howell.
Again.
He felt like a great guy.
I have forgot why I did call thee back.
Let me stand here 'til thou remember it.
Stop! Why are you playing it like that? Romeo and Juliet are supposed to be drunk - in this scene.
- No they're not.
They've been partying all night.
Juliet can't remember what she was talking about.
They're obviously wasted.
I don't have time for this.
I'm gonna go set up the kissing booth.
Val? Where is my understudy!? Uh, she went to emergency theater camp to prepare her crocodile craft.
Smart.
Ahem! Rehearsal's over.
Are we going to go do that thing you said we were going to do? Patrol the school? Okay, give me a second.
I'll meet you back here at eight, cool? You got it.
Mm.
Guess I'll go find the egg monster on my own.
Lilly! Lilly! Come on, Lilly.
Yeah, I know I screwed up.
I'm still trying to just figure out this whole having-a-boyfriend thing.
I'm sorry for being a mega-turd.
It's fine.
Just forget it.
We have a creepy egg monster we have to kill.
Well, while we're on the subject Of creepy egg monsters? Boyfriends! Yeah, we should get you one! I know we're not rolling in quality specimens, but I'm sure there's a dude out there who's at least semi-worthy.
Mm-mm.
There isn't.
Not a dude, anyway.
Okay, okay, Wait.
A.
Minute.
Lilly Fortenberry.
- Have you been holding out on me? - Uh.
Are you crushing on a special lady friend? Oh, my God! Do I know her? No! No.
She's from book club.
Well, look at you! An older woman.
No! No, no.
Ah-ah, her Her mom is in my mom's book club.
- Oh.
- But it doesn't matter.
It's all very hypothetical.
Okay, well, if you want it to be thetical, I got you.
Thanks.
Oh, my God.
I'm gonna be the best wingperson ever! Okay.
Come on.
Let's get back to Sir Eggamame.
Oh, yeah.
Do you have Brutus' giant body condom? - Check.
- Nose plugs? No way.
We get enough shit already! I'm not wearing those things until we're 20 feet from that beaked creep.
Smart.
Oh, um can you put these in your backpack? I just don't want to keep them in my pocket in case my leg gets kicky.
Mm.
Do you have the folder? Yeah! Totally on top of it.
Mrs.
P.
, love the hair! Colin, tell your mom thanks for the brownies! Oh.
What is this? Thought you said you were doing a lemonade stand! Oh, it is a lemonade stand.
It looks like an abstinence booth.
Well, take a look around here.
It's like "Fifty Shades of Pine Academy".
They are just normal teenagers.
Would you like to partake of my golden shower? No, I can't.
You win.
Golden shower.
Thank you for stopping by! You made it.
How are you liking our human fair? Food gets top marks.
The entertainment could use some help.
So, how's it going with the hunt? Big fat zero so far.
Oh.
Can you help us keep an eye out? Copy that.
I'll go recon the Skee Ball tent.
Hey, ladies! Looking cute today.
I should hate him with the white-hot intensity of a 1,000 suns.
But he's just so nice.
There is no denying it.
We lost Favourite Duo to the better man.
I'm gonna need three orders stat! Didn't you just buy one? What are you, the funnel cake police? You let me eat my feelings, okay? Hey, slow down, Usain Bolt! What's the rush? Why does every monster have the absolute worst timing? I think tonight's the night with Sparrow.
Gonna take a trip to Bonetown, USA! Two.
Are you sure? I-I mean, it could be the Liberi monster pheromones.
Come on, Lils.
It's not the pheromones.
I've been waiting for this to happen for forever.
Yeah, as long as you're sure.
I am.
Suddenly smelling something really bad! Ow! Oh, yeah.
It's go time.
Quite the booth you've got here.
Oh, hi.
I'm just looking out for the kids, trying to give them some guidance, you know? Candace is lucky to have a mother who's so involved.
Both of you are such a good influence on Tate.
That is very nice of you to say.
Ah, it's no picnic trying to raise a teenage girl all on my own.
Especially without a strong male role model.
Now, that must be so hard.
It really is, Doug.
You know Um, I would love to swap parenting tips with you sometime.
I'm free right now.
I can't see it! Oh, that way! Hey, buttmunch! - Okay, get the monster trap! - It's about to attack.
Ah, one sec! Oh, come on, come on! Come on, come on! Hoo-wha! Ah! You did it! Badaaass! Now we just need his lips for the orb.
Not it! I think I'm gonna hurl.
Did the monster get you? No, it's not monster eggsacks.
It's just too many funnel cakes.
Ah.
And a raging case of the sads.
Breakups are tough, you know? I didn't realize you were dating.
Yeah, isn't that kinda dangerous? Like, a monster-human No, she's from my dimension.
Don't worry.
Mm.
Well, whoever she is, she's nuts for leaving.
- Yes, you are a stand-up guy.
- Mm-hm.
And, plus, you have that super-cool horn.
Thank you so much! Oh, yeah.
Anyway, enough about me.
Where are we with the Liberi? Done and dusted.
All we need to do is put that beak thing in the orb.
- Mm-hm.
- Mazel.
I can take care of the orb.
You go be with Sparrow.
Are you sure? Because I can stay and help Yes, get out of here.
Go catch your train to bonetown.
Bonetown, USA.
Hm.
It's okay.
Okay, bye.
I'm ready to defile your beautiful temple now! Are you serious? As a Russian novel.
Okay.
Where can we go? Oh, crap, didn't really think this through.
Dammit! I should have taken the car.
All aboard? Parenting question number one: do you believe in spanking, big boy? 'Cause I do.
You've been a bad, bad boy, haven't you? Naughty, naughty, Dougie.
Mmm All alone at last.
Mm? You think we have enough? Always be prepared.
Just in case it wasn't clear: I consent.
Enthusiastically.
Hell, yes.
I consent too.
Ha! Uh, what are you doing in here? Just taking a break.
- Kissing booth was insane.
- Oh.
Um sit with me? Uh, I don't know.
Please? Okay.
Mm.
Thanks.
Mmm.
It's so good.
Aren't you, uh, worried your mom might find out? Pretty sure she's too busy playing sex police to keep tabs on me.
What denomination are you? - I'm an atheist.
- No, you're not.
No, you're going to pray with me.
- Come on, say, "Oh, God.
" - Oh, God.
- Like you mean it! - Oh, God! I am saving you, Doug.
Oh, my God, I'm gonna save you right now.
Right now! You okay? You change your mind? I just I've never been naked in front of anyone before.
Me neither.
I'm kind of nervous about it, to be honest.
It's a little different for you.
If you don't want to do this, that's that's totally cool.
But just know I think you're incredibly sexy.
Yeah? I've been thinking about this moment ever since I first saw you with blood in your hair.
You know, the The last time I remember actually being happy was when I was a kid.
When we were friends.
And, now, everyone just expects me to be this cool, confident person.
It's Exhausting.
You know, most of the time, I just feel like I'm invisible.
But you're Candace.
You're, like, the most visible.
None of that's real.
You know, I only did the kissing booth to piss off my mom and she didn't even notice.
Well you're kinda hard to ignore with those legs.
Thanks.
Hnh.
You know what I would've voted you? Mm? Easiest to talk to.
Um.
Screw it.
Ow, ow, ah! - Are you okay? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ah, I just sat on something.
Uh, I'm really sorry, but I have go take care of something.
Uh Um Maybe I'll see you soon? Yeah.
Okay.
Ooh! Hi, honey.
Hi.
What a fun fair, huh? What a What fun, okay.
I-I'm gonna see you at home, okay? Bye-bye.
Oh! Bye, baby! What the hell? Oh Hm.
Orb, why aren't you working? Astrid, call me back! I think we got the wrong monster.
The orb isn't working! An orb? What the? I can't wait to meet you.
You and all the other mini-Trystans.
I'm the best.
Oh, my God.
So when are we going to do that again? Well, I don't have anywhere else to be, so Uh Damn it.
But I do.
Seriously? Right now? It's Lilly.
She needs me.
What if you just hang tight? I will be right back.
Okay.
Oh! I got you something.
I won it at the ring toss.
Um it looks like a sparrow, I thought, so I don't-I don't really know what I thought, actually.
I thought that maybe, uh Yeah, it's It's dumb.
It's dumb.
Yeah.
I love it.
Yeah? You're still here? I'm trying to digest six pounds of funnel cake.
You want to tell us how it happened that we smoked the wrong monster? Describe him to me? A chicken But also a human? Yeah You killed the Personal Assistant Monster.
The what? The Liberi's Personal Assistant.
It was all in the folder.
Astrid! Okay, sorry, I've been a little distracted.
That's the last time you get to keep the folder.
Okay, tell us exactly what we're looking for then? Well it has to get close enough to deposit its eggs, so may be safe to assume that it looks human enough to blend in.
And very attractive.
Mm.
Freakin' duh! Wait How come our powers didn't go off? Hm, most likely the pheromones.
Although, the nose plugs would have protected you.
You were wearing the nose plugs, right? Yeah.
No.
Hi! Have you seen Trystan? Where's the new kid? Next Oh, no What an incredible specimen.
You will make a wonderful host.
Whoa, whoa.
Hey, whoa.
Whoa, wait your turn.
I've been in line for 45 minutes! Oh, my God.
Hm? Wait, just give me a second, I need to focus.
Anything? Shh! Ohh I can hear the eggs in the creepy storage room.
Okay.
- Let's go! - Okay.
Oh, shit.
Okay.
- Oh! - Oh! Get away from him! Oh.
- Are you okay? - Run! Not gonna work, perv! Do it now! You can't kill me! I'm the cool kid! Think again, jerk! We're taking Favorite Duo back! No, no!! Ahh!! Ahh! Oh, God.
Whoa.
What? Ooh.
Ah, yes.
Cool.
The eggs! They're hatching! Oh.
Oh.
Oh, no.
Oh, ah! Hey.
It's okay.
Where am I? Um, uh, it's okay, it was just a prank.
Somebody put acid in the funnel cake.
Go home.
You'll be fine! Just-just sleep it off.
Ready for some smashing? Hm.
Oh, yeah.
Uh Ugh.
Oh.
Oh, God.
Oh.
Oh, my decorations.
Those losers are going to be in detention until they graduate.
Man, that was so sick.
But, like, so frickin' cool! Speaking of which Did you and Sparrow? Oh, yeah.
Oh, my gosh.
Do you want to talk about it? - Definitely.
- But, like, not right now, if that's okay, 'cause it's all just A lot? - Yeah.
- But you're happy? Well, how about you? D'you get up to any scandalous shenanigans with your mysterious lady friend? Uh, no! Of course not! I don't even know why you're asking that.
Why are you so jumpy! Um, I'm not! Um, anyhoo, we should probably get home.
Well, you definitely are, but fine.
Okay.
You have the keys.
Um, uh, one second! I-I-I forgot.
I just need to go get something.
Just wait right here.
Uh, don't move.
And I'm the jumpy one.
Hi! What's your name? Carl.
Okay Come.
We're going to be friends forever.
Round two? No! No, I mean, yes! Yes! No, but, like, later, but Just definitely not now! You have to go, ASAP.
I will explain later.
- Astrid? - Ah Tonight was awesome and I am so into you.
Ditto, crazy lady.
Let me guess: you want to forget what happened.
You weren't yourself, it was a big mistake.
It's okay.
No, I I wanted to say goodnight.
Yo, jerkface! Go ruin someone else's night.
You said you'd stop doing that.
Sorry, force of habit.
Whatever.
Um I'm gonna go.
Uh, I'll text you about running lines tomorrow night.
Cool.
Oh, and, uh Fair dinkum and g'day! We were supposed to test drive my new microscope tomorrow night.
Oh.
Sorry, um, can we reschedule? And these two little girls have an orb as well.
Interesting.
So, that's the alternate power tingle I was sensing.
They must be monster hunters.
How cute.
There's nothing cute about them.
Do we need to worry? About two little girls? Hardly.
But we might as well have some fun.