Astrid and Lilly Save the World (2022) s01e08 Episode Script


Previously on Astrid and Lilly Save the World.
- Ahh! - I want you to welcome Pine Academy's newest student FYI, we have another monster.
It deposits eggs in people's throats.
All aboard? I'm sure there's a dude out there that's at least - semi-worthy.
- There isn't.
Not a dude, anyway.
Kids at school have been getting this weird symbol as a tattoo.
Doesn't look familiar to me.
An orb.
They must be the monster hunters.
The Guardian is a story monster It's like your Santa Claus.
But don't worry: I'll get you some proof.
I can't believe Michelle gave us detention.
I wonder if it's technically illegal to keep us here on a Saturday.
Anyways, like I was saying, Brutus said that while we're stuck here, he's gonna look into all that Guardian stuff just to prove that this Guardian guy is a story.
Did you know there's a sex position - called the pretzel dip? - Hm? I wonder if Sparrow and I should try it.
Can we please stop talking about Sparrow for like, two seconds? Are you even listening to me? This is super important.
Okay, so is this! I'm not saying Sparrow's not important, I'm just saying I don't want you to get distracted again What do you mean? Like, how you forgot to read that file on Trystan that Brutus gave us.
Okay, fine, like, I said I was sorry.
It's okay.
But it's not like you've not also been a little distracted.
Oh, am I boring you? I didn't sleep well last night, okay.
And what do you mean by distracted? You know, all the endless rehearsing lines with C-bomb.
Well, I had to do something while you were eating pretzels with Sparrow.
And can we stop calling her C-bomb? You wanna call her by her name? Gross! This is worse than I thought.
You boned in here? Welcome to detention, delinquents.
We've got six hours of this and if you piss me off, you're doing sprints.
Naps will get you sidelined.
And don't even think about giving me any beef.
That's what she said.
Look alive people, because party time is over.
Today you're gonna be crafting the two most important decorations for the dance.
A life-sized angel and demon.
Oh, my God.
They are the entryway statement pieces and they are essential.
They set the tone.
You can thank Astrid and Lilly for vandalizing my beautiful originals.
- Bravo.
- Thanks, guys.
Yeah, I know, right? But it's not like the rest of you are model students.
Candace spiked the lemonade at the fair, Sparrow kidnapped a frog from bio, Tate pantsed someone at practice, and Eggs Why are you here? It's the library.
You guys can start by tearing this toilet paper into perfect, individual squares, before making them into feathers and gluing them onto wings in a cascading pattern at a 45-degree angle.
This is literally my worst nightmare.
What did I just say about napping? Doesn't delinquent numero uno have some tissue paper to feather? Oh, sorry.
Go and join the rest of the craft circle.
Ah, the burdens I have to deal with You okay, sleepy? I think so.
I just had the creepiest nightmare.
Some sort of scary-ass, wet, toothy monster.
In your dream, or you mean the one that just woke you up? Unbelievable.
What? Nothing.
You call that a feather, Bradley? Oh, yeah, I almost forgot, no food or drink in here.
Not even water, capisce? Michelle? I gotta whizz.
Already? Ah, fine, but make it speedy.
And don't go in your locker this time! Hey.
The facts in volume two will scare the crap out of you.
I think I might like crafting.
So metal, dude.
I think I might like you.
I mean, it's better than the alternative, right? Doing what my mom wants, going to youth group every day.
- Oh, my God.
- Amen.
Speaking of breaking the rules, do you wanna go sneak in the stacks and make out? Definitely, yes, definitely.
Ooh, I think I figured out something pretty effing cool.
Whoa, cool.
Secret crafting genius.
Meet me in the stacks in 137 seconds Done.
Come on.
So, do you wanna tell me why you couldn't sleep? You mean besides hunting monsters? Yeah.
I feel like there's something else going on.
Well, you always get like this when you're uber stressed.
What else could be going on? I don't know, you tell me.
There's nothing to tell.
Is this because me and Sparrow boned? Not everything is about Sparrow! - Okay, well, what is it then? - Nothing! It doesn't seem like nothing.
I don't know what to tell you.
- Fine.
- Fine.
Happy I can provide this important cheering up service.
I just don't understand why she's so cagey.
It's not like her.
- What? - No, it's Reminds me of someone I know.
But it's not like her It's frustrating.
I'm sorry, babe.
Babe? Too much? No, I like it.
It's just no one's ever called me "babe" before.
- Babe.
- Babe.
You made me ruin my nail! Sorry.
You know I think you're already perfect.
I know, but don't you think butt implants would take me to the next level? Oh, if there is such a thing as next level, I've never seen it.
Yeah, I guess this is sort of outside of your wheelhouse.
Oh, no, no, no, I meant You know, I think I'm gonna do it.
Okay, well, why don't you try falsies first? And you can test them out at the dance! Yeah, maybe.
You know what? I think I need a diet soda to think straight.
You, delinquent numero uno, go get me a diet soda from the caf.
And make sure it's not flat.
Take someone with you so you don't vandalize anything else in the school.
I think Candace said she had to go to the bathroom? When did she say that? Sure, whatever.
It's supposed to look shiny, not slimy.
It's like you've never decoupaged a demon head before, I swear.
Eggs! When you're done doing your little nerdy stuff, I need you to glue these eyeballs onto this tail.
According to Zoroastrian and Mesopotamian demon mythology, eyeballs on tails aren't accurate.
You two.
You think you're pretty clever sneaking off, huh? I'm separating you.
I need you crafting, not goofing on the job.
Yah! Okay, Carl, time to focus.
No the school fair is over.
We need to research the Guardian and put the girls' minds at rest.
Five minutes more, but after that, we get to work! Okay.
Whoo! So, um The fair last night.
What about it? Um, uh I'm just kidding.
Uh, that was really fun.
I mean, I thought so.
But still, uh Kinda surprised you didn't take Astrid with you now instead.
It's just nice to hang out with someone else for a change.
Someone else? Uh, you else? That's not a thing.
Oh, so that's how it is, huh? Mm-hm.
Um maybe we can sneak into the stacks when we get back.
That feels a little public.
Um you know, maybe we should just keep things for us for a while? Okay.
It's just, um you know, everyone's always in my business, and I thought it might be nice to have some time to ourselves, you know? Yeah.
Yeah, that sounds nice.
I know, right? Yeah, that was magical.
Uh, we should probably get back to the library, like stat, before Michelle glue guns us to our seats.
That seems a bit excessive, but okay.
Ahh, come on.
Um, hi? It's here.
The creepy-ass monster from my nightmare.
What? It's friggin' real and here inside the school.
Oh, and bonus: it's the most terrifying one we've seen yet.
Oh Okay, not him Not them Not her No, no! We just we need to find, like The Somnium Viatore? I sure as shit hope not.
- How bad? - Really damn bad.
It's a nightmare traveler that enters the realm through the nightmare of someone keeping a secret.
That we cannot detect because Well, shit, our powers don't work on the dream travelers.
Thanks a lot, Lilly.
Sorry, it's not like I did it on purpose.
Okay, what are you not telling me? Nothing! Once it's unleashed, it can attack anyone.
It wraps you in its wet hair cocoon like a spider.
Then stores you in its web.
Oh, where, if you remain too long, will dissolve and melt your skin.
What the hell? Oh I do not need this today! To kill it, you have to suck it up into a video camera? Do those even still exist? And that means the next full moon is I defs didn't get any signal it was here, did you? No, no leg twitch.
Nothing! So, then it's definitely that nightmare thingie.
How'd it happen again? Oh, I was ma Uh, getting a soda and, uh there it was.
How was that soda? Extra delicious? Did you get me one? Or were you two too busy drinking all the sodas yourself? What are you talking about? Why didn't you pick me to get Michelle's flat soda? Why did you pick Candace? I'm supposed to be your best friend.
Uh, excuse me for picking a different friend for once.
Are you and Candace actually friends again? So, what if we are? It's not like you don't have any new people in your life.
Well, excusez-moi for having a boyfriend.
I don't care that you have a boyfriend.
Well, I don't care that you have other friends.
It's just Candace? She is the worst.
You don't know her.
No one does.
I'm pretty sure I do.
It's just really weird you're being so secretive about it.
Me, secretive? Pretty sure this belongs to Sparrow.
Your boyfriend.
He must've dropped it off in the back of my car, where, apparently, you had sex.
You know that car is our sacred space! Well, at least I didn't bring our most sworn enemy to Pudge Patrol HQ, our absolute most private sacred space! Candace is not our enemy.
She might be yours, but she's definitely not mine! I'd like to see that journal when you're done with it.
Yeah, no problem.
It might take me a while.
Hm, doesn't usually take me that long to read, but whatever.
That is cool.
Did you draw that? Uh, what? No, it's nothing.
Okay, sorry, never mind.
It's just, it's private.
You don't trust me or something? I I do! It's just my life is complicated.
What does that mean? I can't tell you.
- All right, okay, I got it.
- Okay, okay, no wait! It's fine, we're doing the whole hot cold thing, I get it.
I'm I'm gonna go work on my feather sculpture.
Thanks monsters and Lilly's stupid nightmare, that she won't even tell me about.
This doesn't look anything like the picture I showed you! I already have to go to this thing alone, which I always end up doing and it totally bums me out, and all I wanna do is just look around and see these decorations looking perfect so that I'm not double bummed out, you know?! You know, if you don't want to go to the dance alone, why don't you just ask somebody to go with you? What? Shit, did I say that out loud? - Tate.
- Ah, shit, what now? Go raid the art supply closet.
I need it, I need the good stuff.
Get me the good stuff! Real feathers, gold yarn, whatever is sparkly! Anything to make this look hot.
And gold paint.
Take someone! Well, up for a little one on one? I'll take that as a yes.
Jonas used to keep a box of weird craft stuff that might chill Michelle the F out.
Oh, there it is.
Top shelf.
All right.
You know, it's been fun to hang out, me and you, like it used to be.
It's been a while since we were alone.
I guess.
You know, I was thinkin', for old time's sake, maybe you could help me out with something.
Gross, Tate, I'm not gonna No, uh, no, that's not what I meant.
I just I thought maybe you could explain to me again why you broke up with me? Seriously? I-I thought we talked about this.
Yeah, no we did.
It just, uh, it would, it would help me out, you know, to process some stuff.
I broke up with you because we want different things, Tate.
We have nothing in common, and you know it.
Do I? Or is it because you and Lilly are together? Uh What are you talking about? Nice try.
I saw you guys kissing.
- We weren't - I saw you.
If you're going to break up with me, Candace, whatever.
But I never thought you were a cheater and a liar.
I never cheated on you, I swear.
Please don't tell anyone.
You know what, Carl for a stuffed animal, you can be really judgey.
Yes, I still have my bedtime story books.
Ah Well, maybe because they're filled with my favorite make-believes, you ever think of that, hm? So, now, I'm just gonna get to the story of the Guardians, show the girls that it's all just silly stories.
It's uh It's not in here.
If it's not in here, then, uh Uh, it-it's fine.
I said it's fine.
Everything okay? Yeah, totally fine.
You sure? Yep.
So, I was wonder ing Hello? May I talk to you? Privately? So, I know you guys aren't hunting monsters.
However, I do have some really important information for anyone who was hunting monsters Fine, yes, we're hunting monsters.
What? - Astrid! - Yeah, well, he clearly knows! According to my research, the three solar flares that created the triangulation all occurred on full moon nights.
There's a series of special solar eclipses set to happen over the next couple of months.
Which means something big is gonna happen.
What? I don't know.
You're the monster hunter.
Okay, well, tell her that we opened the portal on a full moon and that we should probably check it out.
Tell her, duh, we should definitely check it out, but, right now, we should probably deal with the monsters that are right in front of our faces and deal with that later.
You guys can hear each other, right? Supplies? Duh! So, you won't tell me about whatever that is but you're gonna tell Eggs? I don't have to tell you everything, you know.
No, you don't have to tell me everything, but you don't tell me anything.
You're always running off and saying you can't tell me why.
Like every single time that we're together.
What am I supposed to do with that? Excuse me, what did I say, delinquent numero dos? Less talking, more crafting! Screw this.
Oh, I know what you're thinking, but the Guardian definitely isn't in the demon book.
So, stop.
Everyone knows not to believe a Kevaculous in the midst of an exorcism.
And besides my dad wouldn't have lied to me.
Right? I mean, it can't be, right? It-it's just It can't be.
Grozzy Gulfopigus See? No Guardian.
Oh The Guardian, with a With a "T".
Well that doesn't mean he's here in Copper's Cove.
Ahh Oh.
Well, you have longer arms, just saying.
Oh, you're impossible.
Mm! No.
Michelle, we need more art supplies.
For your beautiful decorations.
Astrid and I could go? We think we know where Jonas kept the glitter gun.
Don't do anything weird.
You're a real dick, you know that? I didn't realize it was necessary to slam every single door.
Well, I told you the web wouldn't be in the caf.
- It's too bright.
- Oh, well, sorry.
Didn't realize you were the expert.
Not like I've been seeing this thing in my dream all day, but whatever.
The other hallway would've been faster.
Maybe if Candace suggested it, you would've listened.
Hm Hm, well, the most responsible one of us should hold it.
Okay, well, one less thing on the list: we need the video camera.
Well, I know where Jonas kept it.
Oh, congratulations.
Why don't you go get it then? Well, super, why don't I? Well, super, why-yi-yi-yi So I guess we're just gonna be all business then.
Yep! All business.
Or do you want to talk about anything else, like Sparrow for the 10 millionth time? Nope.
Oh, do you want to say something else? Oh, never mind.
Just keep things to yourself.
Cause you're an open book.
Well, this has been a goddamn delight.
Great, look what you did.
What I did? Lilly, with both of us captured, how are we gonna get outta this? Who's gonna save us? You think now might be a good time to tell me - what's going on? - Yeah, seriously.
Ditto! Just tell 'em what's going on.
Uh, yeah, um, sorry, Sparrow, um Lilly and I are kind of monster hunters.
What the That is not what I expected you to say.
This is insane, but I'm weirdly not completely surprised.
Tell me the truth Are you kidding? Always.
Do you think this dance is gonna be totally lame? No, what!? No, it sounds totally awesome.
Yeah, but am I totally lame for going by myself? You could never be lame.
You're like negative lame.
And you know this party is gonna be killer because you planned it.
You are the best party planner in Ohio.
That's what I tell everyone.
Plus you're super-hot and smart and you're such a good listener.
Going stag is baller.
So, that makes you a cool, independent lady.
I am, aren't I? Yeah, I am.
Okay, okay, so, this is where you've been going this whole time.
Oh, my God, I'm dating Buffy.
Holy shit, this is This is rad.
No, but you should've told me about this before, like, we were about to die.
Like, "Hey, Sparrow, monsters are real!" Okay, I'm not gonna let you die.
Monster thing is old news, bro! You wanna hear the real secret? Candace and Lilly are frickin' dating.
I wouldn't really call it dating.
Okay, wait a second, Candace? Wait a second, Tate?! Did you just out them? On what planet do you think that that's okay? That's beyond unacceptable, you idiot! - Thank you.
- You gotta be kidding me! Candace is your crush?! Why did you lie to me? Why was I lying to you about C-bomb? Yes! I tell you everything! And I would've told you to run for the hills which you clearly needed to hear! Man are we even friends anymore? Are we even friends anymore?! You thought we were friends? You guys call me C-bomb? Astrid, did it ever occur to you that the reason I'm not nice to you is because you're a massive beyotch to me? Oh, well, it takes one to know one.
Did it ever occur to you that I was just trying to protect me and my friend? Hang on What did you mean by "we're not really dating"? Do you not want this anymore? Are-are you embarrassed of your sexuality? Because I thought you said Uh, not at all.
She's fluid, duh.
She's cool with that.
It's you.
So, this was just some big freaking joke to you? This was what I was worried about! She's the C-bomb for a reason! Seems like she's playing you! Maybe you don't know her like you think you do! Right, because the only way that someone like her could like someone like me was if it was a joke! That's not what I said! I'm not playing you.
I just Oh, my God.
Tate's right.
Astrid's right.
It is me.
You're embarrassed by me? So, that's why you didn't want to make out in the stacks.
Wait, wait just another goddamn second.
So this jock-turd, Tate, no offense knew that you guys were hunting monsters before me too?! Sparrow, I-I I didn't want you to, like, be involved and So, you've been lying to only me for our entire relationship.
Hey, guys! We should probably get outta these hair cocoons before they dissolve our skin.
And one more thing: that thing is coming back! Thank God for Michelle's stupid craft project.
I'm not gonna let us die like this.
Hurry! I'll get the rest of you in a sec.
Let me out, let me out! Oh, come on! Hurry, hurry! I'll get you out, I'll get you out! Oh, my God! - Come on! - Yeah Oh, God, oh, God! Hey, slimeball! Over here.
- Video camera! - Yeah, I know.
- Don't forget to press record.
- Yeah, I got it.
Ah! Whoa! Huh.
Holy shit, that was awesome.
Wet hair in the orb.
Ugh! Careful.
I'm sorry I I don't know what to say.
Whatever, you don't have to say anything.
Actually, that goes for all of you.
We should probably keep this under wraps.
Yeah, for sure.
I'm sure you'll be happy about that.
Thanks for saving us.
You two make a really good team.
Some team.
- Are you good, man? - Yeah, no, no, no.
This guy does not look good.
We can't destroy this tape or else the monster will get released back into the world.
But we need to hide it where no one will ever watch it, so do you think you can take care of that? I know exactly what to do with it.
I can't believe those art supplies spilled all over us.
Oh, she's asleep.
I think I'm gonna get some air.
Are you okay, bro? Yeah, that was one hell of an escape room.
I mean, I just thought I was going to detention, but that was sick! Yeah.
Nobody will ever watch that.
No accounting for taste.
When I find out who poured my lunch all over my couture hoodie, detention part two, next Saturday! Hey, Sparrow, where are you? Can we please, please, please talk? Oh, great.
Now what? Mm This is weird.
I take it from the slime in your hair that you've had the pleasure of meeting the Somnium Viatore? Yep.
Taken care of.
Oh, good, good, good! Great work, excellent.
Listen, I did some of the research we talked about.
And, uh, turns out that, oops, my bad.
I was wrong, okay? The legend is real, the Guardian is real, and he's here, in town.
Uh, that's one way to deal with that! So, you're-so, you're not mad? Whatever.
And I saw the tattoos you guys talked about.
That's definitely, definitely a Guardian thing, yeah.
It's like, all those kids that are marked, they're totally working for him.
So, Candace's mom is also definitely working for them.
- Shocker.
- Whatever.
Who cares.
Yeah, I'm just glad you guys are not mad because it gets worse.
The Guardian wants to open every portal at once using a giant orb, and I have to figure out when that's going to happen.
So, maybe, probably we should try to stop him? Hm? So, how about us three go to my pad, hash out a plan, hm? Why don't we just let Lilly deal with it.
'Cuz she likes to do things alone.
Well, maybe we should let Astrid deal with it because, apparently, she knows everything better than anyone.
Oh, my God.
Um What? Hello? What's happening here? Li-Lilly? A Astrid? Hey, Sparrow.
Your mom asked me to give you a ride home.
Thanks, I'm gonna walk.
Honey, don't make me kidnap you twice.
Get in.
As a mom, I want to honor your mom's wishes.
Hello, Sparrow What?
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