Astrid and Lilly Save the World (2022) s01e10 Episode Script


Previously on Astrid and Lilly Save the World.
More like Pudge Patrol.
F those haters! Long story short, a portal to another dimension was opened by you.
You are also the only ones who can close it.
I mean, don't you trust me? Why are you so into this stuff? Because love is a battlefield.
Your mom asked me to give you a ride home.
Hello, Sparrow.
Ugh! Something big is going to happen.
Oh, I think I got it! No, wait It's way too smooth to be the Vorakkulum.
- Hm.
- Hm.
Can I just say that this particular color of guts really brings out your eyes.
You look amazing! Oh, my God! I was literally thinking the same thing about you! Oh! Those cheekbones are just popping! - Mm.
- Supermodel status.
Give it to me.
Ooh! Slimy deflated brain.
- Check! - Mm-hm.
Oh! Creepy tail thing.
Check! Oh! Ah, that's it! Did we totally just get the tenth monster body part for the Orb, thereby saving the world? Check! Okay.
One last time.
There you are! You know cold yoga's not a thing, right? Monster blood runs warmer than human blood.
So sorry to interrupt your special private yoga time.
But we have big news! Yeah? We just got the final monster body part to close the portal! You did? Holy chocomole! - I know.
- Can we close the portal now? Soon! I just have to prepare it for the full moon! Ah, my gosh, it's gonna be so nice to finally go to the dance tonight and be normal teenagers for once.
Yeah, well Oh, shit.
What? Well, I just found out that, um, the Guardian is planning on blasting open every portal door tonight at the, uh At the dance? Why? Turns out that tonight is the blood moon eclipse.
And that the dance is the best place to harvest the human angst and insecurity, not to mention body parts, from teenagers.
What a psycho.
Yeah, you have no idea.
So, remember when you, um, - blasted open the portal? - Mm-hm.
You also blasted the Guardian out of prison where he was sent for all eternity and transformed into a gas and put into a very, very dark cell.
Oh, God.
For what? Oh, just for taking over several dimensions and turning them into hellscapes.
Oh In this one, he turned everyone inside out.
In this one, he turned everyone into slugs.
And in this one, he turned everyone inside out and into slugs.
It's not very original.
Okay, I think the less we hear, the better.
Okay, so, how do we defeat him? Snatch his master key.
He wears it around his neck like a statement necklace.
If It's not around his neck, no powers and then you can totally take him out.
What if he activates the Orb before we get the key and kill him? Yeah, that would not be good.
Monster soup.
Okay, steal this creep's master key, take him down, save Sparrow, all before the dance! Easy-peasy.
I need to build up my strength for tonight.
You understand.
Whatever you need, great one.
See, now, that's what I like to hear.
A thousand years ago, you people didn't appreciate me, or my brilliant ideas.
But, I forgive you because once we fire up this baby and all the portals open, you will be joined by thousands of my minions from every dimension and then the world will be mine.
You mean "ours," right? Hm? Sorry, you said, "The world will be all mine," but y-you meant ours? Yes.
Of course.
And now that we're so close No one can stop us.
Especially not two little girls.
Isn't that right, Sparrow? So what's everyone wearing to the dance? Hey, Eggs.
Oh, cool! I've-I've been meaning to read The Journey Inside the Inside of an Actor's Brain.
How is it? Surprisingly decent.
Minus all the rebirth metaphors.
Cool, cool.
I Yeah, I heard it was, like, the foundation of every great actor's studies, so, um Eh, uh For your next big role, would it interest you to shuffle off to Buffalo tonight with me? Mm, dancing is exercise that raises the heartbeat an average of 20 bpm.
I'd be honoured to go to the dance with you.
If that's what you meant.
Yeah, yeah.
That was That was exactly what I meant.
Uh Okay.
Everything's clear for the dance, yeah? Good.
Oh, God.
Here we go.
Um, hi, Sparrow.
What do you want? Ah, okay, um Well, I just haven't seen you or-or talked to you in a while.
Just want to make sure you're okay? I'm the best I've ever been.
Well, I feel like we left things off, kind of You want to go talk somewhere else? Why would I want to talk to you? You really think someone like me would like someone like you? Come on, Astrid.
I got what I wanted; wasn't that great.
Shall we? He's really not in there.
He didn't mean that.
I'm so sorry.
We're going to get him back, okay? I really hope so.
But, for now, let's go follow my possessed boyfriend.
Ugh The last time I was here, I was busting Sparrow out.
Not watching him walk in.
Oh, that sucks.
- You know what else? - Hm? The last time I was here, I saw through the floor and into the basement and saw A statement necklace! Let's go! What is this weird place? Feels really wrong down here.
Yeah, like we definitely shouldn't be here.
Astrid, look! The pendant.
And the Orb.
That's him.
That's him? Holy shit.
I think he's asleep.
Okay You're going to get it, right? No, it's your turn.
Well, I guess we'll just both get it together.
Hi, girls.
Ow! Let us go! Astrid, it's burning! How fascinating.
My mark's not appearing.
Run! Should I stop them? No.
Let them go.
I want them to see the big show.
His smile is gonna haunt my dreams forever, which, I guess, might not be much longer.
Why didn't he try to stop us? Because he didn't think we could stop him.
When he's on our turf, he'll see what's what.
- Hey, guys.
- Ho! You can't with that today! We just went to the Guardian's lair to try and failed to get the pendant before the dance.
And why didn't you tell us the Guardian was some basic-ass white dude? I didn't know what form he's gonna take.
Are you guys okay? Not really.
This feels hopeless.
How are we supposed to get the master key? It's like he knew we were coming.
And he was super strong.
We need to get this dance cancelled.
I wish I could help you guys tonight, but my horn can't go anywhere near the Guardian's Orb, otherwise, this pretty face blows off.
- Lovely.
- Yeah.
Well, since everyone's faces are blowing off tonight, might as well give you this now.
Just a little thanks for being on our team.
Guys No one's ever given me a I don't-I don't know what to say.
You guys are the closest thing to family I've had since, well my own family, so Sorry we can't help you close the portal.
Well, with the whole end of days thing, you know? Yeah, don't worry about that.
I mean I can handle it and you guys can focus on big G.
I'll go see if I can dig up some more info and I'll find you later.
Operation cancel death dance and then outsmart asshole, commencing now.
Hey, so, bad news! Dance is cancelled.
Um, asbestos poisoning.
Somebody had diarrhea all over the caf! What are you talking about? There's a monster coming to kill everyone.
No? No one? Yello, yello.
Officer Drew speaking.
Ah, hello officer.
This is Dr.
Kathy Kourtlin from the health department and we have an emergency rat situation at the high school and we're going to need you to - Evacuate? - Evacuate the premises and, uh, - Barricade? - Barricade the entrances.
Yeah, I've never seen anything like this.
Rats everywhere! Okay.
Nice try, girls.
Okay, well, maybe they'll listen to an authority figure? Yeah.
You got this! Hey, Ferrets! It's me, Michelle.
Supe sad to announce that the dance has been cancelled, so, um, make sure you forget about coming tonight because its definitely not happen Oh, my gosh! You guys are so busted.
Since you hate dances so much, you can forget about coming tonight.
Yeah, I'm telling security not to let you in.
You are offish banned.
How is it possible that we just made everything worse? I have one last idea.
- The Guardian? - Yep.
And that's what all those cosmic disturbances were? - Yep.
- And you decided to tell us this in the shitter? Our office.
But, yeah.
Okay, look, we can't get the dance cancelled and nobody's gonna believe us about monster stuff, anyway.
And the Guardian is the scariest SOB that we've encountered so far, so killing him is gonna take a little bit of pushing his buttons, which might be terrifying, but we have a plan we think might work.
We just need you guys to help.
You've gotta be kidding me.
Okay, we got you.
Eggs you're in charge of this.
All right, people shit's about to get weird.
Is this too much blush? Oh, cute.
You're nervous.
Uh, and, no, you look great! Thanks.
Can't look too good for a classic breaking and entering, and a classic monster vanquish if we can even sneak past Michelle.
Ideal first date stuff.
You look good too, you know.
Too bad Sparrow won't get to appreciate how frigging hot I look.
I appreciate it! Hm.
Astrid, I'm scared.
Yeah, me, too.
I just wish we could go to the dance like normal people and have a normal time and just be normal.
But we're better than normal.
We're Pudge Patrol.
I think it's time for a little superhero wardrobe accessorizing.
For strength! - I am so in! - Yeah? Ah, aren't we just, like, the cutest, most badass bitches that ever lived, like? The cutestest badassest.
Hey, do you feel kinda guilty that we're not helping Brutus close the portal? - Like, we did that! - Mm-hm.
Shouldn't we see it through to the end? Perhaps a little pitstop on the way to the dance? - But, first.
- Hm? Let's go put our dresses on! - Brutus! - Brutus? Surprise! What are you guys doing here? Portal closing party! You're wearing your jacket! Yeah.
I-I You both look great.
- Aw.
- Hm.
Uh, Brutus What's that behind you? It worked.
What worked? That's not our portal.
What is that? I, uh Brutus? I gave you the wrong Orb.
The wrong Orb? Wh what do you mean? Well, the-the truth is The truth is my one true love never broke up with me.
She was sucked through a portal into a horrifying dimension, one that is nothing like your lovely Earth.
And I have to rescue her, just like your bird person.
So, I gave you the Orb that opens the portal to the dimension where she is instead of the one instead of the one that closes your portal.
So, you've been lying to us this whole time? No.
Isn't it your job to protect us? Help us close this thing, like, Portal Protectorate and all? I may have stretched the truth on that one.
How could you do this to us? I'm so sorry to betray your trust, I'm I'm sorry to leave you like this.
I would stay if I thought I could do anything else to help but now that all the dimensions are destined for doom, I have to at least try to see her one last time Just go.
I really meant what I said about you being like family.
Oh, demon.
I love it.
Hey! Demon.
I can't believe I trusted that guy.
I thought we were friends.
I thought we were family.
How are we supposed to face this alone? Traitor.
How could he give us the wrong Orb? I just feel so used.
Makes me feel like I wanna give up.
Yeah, me too.
But the fact is we did vanquish ten monsters.
- That is true.
- Mm-hm.
He can't take that away from us.
What if we don't give up? What if we don't? I can't believe that worked.
Michelle, foiled by her own precious dance decorations.
Let's do this! Cool jackets, ladies.
We know! Bag's in the corner and the team's ready to go.
You guys okay? - Right as rain.
- Never been better.
Can I just say: you have some serious dance skills.
I watched a lot of Fred Astaire.
I wanted you to have the, uh, dance partner you deserved and, uh you're not so bad yourself.
Well, an actor must always be prepared.
For anything.
Well, I hope you're not acting when it comes to us.
No Definitely not when it comes to us.
Candace? What are you doing here? Me? Why are you here? I am chaperoning.
And I made it very clear to you that you cannot be here tonight.
Because Lilly's my date? Wha? Or is it because you're working for some evil monster dude? You don't know what you are talking about.
Maybe try worrying more about being a good mom and less about whatever garbage this guy is promising you.
Please just call him off.
Please go home.
You go home right now, little miss! Candace, go home! - Okay, the bag is in the back.
- First sign of the Guardian, we'll round up the troops, take them there.
- Yep.
- Wow.
You clean up nice.
You look gorgeous, Lil.
Oh, thanks.
You, too.
I can't believe you're my date.
I tried to talk sense into my mom.
I wish she would just listen to me for once.
Don't beat yourself up.
She can't stop him, anyway.
Well, I got you and Astrid some flower flair.
- For me? - Yeah.
Seriously? Ah, that's actually really nice.
Ugh! You're gonna make me like you, aren't you? Yeah.
Hello, everyone! I hope you're enjoying Angels and Demons.
You're welcome.
Before we continue, it is time to announce your Royals.
Your king goes to Obvi Tate Hudson.
Wow, Tate Hudson for King.
Wow, great King.
Shocker, shocker-shocker.
And your Queen goes to Lilly Fortenberry? Wow! Shit.
There is so much wrong with this.
Like, for starters, uh, what are you doing here because I banned you from the dance? I will wear this crown before I put it on your head.
Give her the crown, Michelle.
Look, just because you were popular in high school doesn't give you the right to be a jerk to kids now.
So, do us a favor and just shut up.
And, for the record, I'm officially banning you as my kid's godmother.
Yes! Bye.
Well, come on up here, Lilly! That's my best friend! That's my girlfriend! We love you, Lilly! Oh, my God.
Oh, okay, move, move-move-move.
Get out of the way, get out of the way! Ahem.
Okay, move.
This is, um unexpected.
Not to me.
I voted for you.
Along with a lot of other people.
What? Why? Well, it seems kind of dumb now, considering all of this end-of-days craziness of tonight but Mm.
I guess I just wanted to do something nice for you after how I've acted this year.
Pudge Patrol stuff.
Candace stuff.
Speaking of I think maybe there's someone else who should have this dance.
Uh, should we? We? Sure.
You all right? Cool jacket.
Yeah, I know.
Look, Astrid, I just I wanted to say thanks and I'm so sorry.
I know I've been a dick and a complete idiot, but I'm trying to be better? That's it.
Ah, um Okay.
I'll take it.
Okay, so when is this dude getting here? I don't know.
Did you practice the oboe? Yes? Sparrow.
It's go time.
Did he just freeze Michelle? Oh, shit! That's new.
Hey! Uh-uh.
Double shit.
Hi, girls.
Looking for this? Oh, this is bad.
Oh, this is really, really bad.
Sparrow, listen to me.
Ah! This isn't you! You're full of light and-and kindness and Come on, I dunno, wedge fries! But you don't wanna do this.
What about Philbert, hm? Why are you talking to me? Welcome to the show.
Sorry, little girlies; can't fight destiny.
This world was always going to be mine.
Sparrow, tie these two up, hm? Make sure to secure that one's leg.
Come on.
Ah! Oh, my They're ready for your mark.
Seems their little powers won't let them be marked.
Oh Doesn't matter.
Because I'm going to show these monster hunters what real power looks like.
Wow, this guy really loves himself.
Guard the Orb.
Whoof! Yum.
I just feel the angst radiating off of you all.
Now, it's almost time.
Are you ready to serve your true purpose, hm? For me? Hello.
No! Oh-ho-ho.
Is this one important to you? Well, you probably shouldn't have told me that.
Christine? I'm afraid I've miscounted.
We're going to need her intestines, as well.
Wait! What? That was not a part of our deal, partner.
You agreed to spare her.
The path to righteousness is defined by sacrifice.
Nobody knows that more than I do.
But, she's one of us.
Uh, you can't just kill her.
Uh Take anybody else! Okay.
- Ah!! - Oh! Uh! Hey, clean this up.
Aren't you lucky? Oh, goody.
The blood moon eclipse.
My pets, the countdown to guts town has begun.
We collect in ten minutes.
God, I think we're too late.
I can't believe this is really happening.
I'm so scared! Me, too.
But, hey, at least we almost saved the world.
Yeah, yeah, we sure did, bestie.
I love you, Lilly.
I love you, too.
If this really is the end, then I'm glad I'm here with you.
Me, too.
What is happening? Eggs, how are you not frozen? Untie us while the Guardian is still over there! I don't have an answer for that.
When I came back from the bathroom, everyone looked like this.
- Oh.
- Okay, go, go, go, go.
- By the way - Okay.
I, uh, found this taped to your locker.
Oh, it's from Brutus.
"I'm sorry" Blah-blah-blah "Please forgive me"? Okay, "I just found out some helpful info" on my portal travels.
The master key truly is a key, meaning it can open things, but it can also close them.
"Toss it into your portal to close it!" Wait, what? Really? Good luck, hunters.
"X-O, B.
" I guess he came through for us one last time.
Yeah, if it's even true.
Y'all ready to push some buttons? Hit that shithead where it hurts.
Monster hunting Doesn't seem that hard.
Hey, yacht dork! Guardian is a stupid name.
Well, that was foolish.
Why aren't you frozen? I guess maybe your powers aren't as great as you thought they were.
Well, you're a sassy one, aren't you? I think I'll turn you into toenail fungus when this is all over.
My Orb! Where are those girls? Looking for this? Guess who has all the power now, shitburger.
Not so strong without your pendant, huh? Ho-ho-ho, I can smell your fear.
I'm stronger than you even without that pendant.
Let's see, shall we? You idiots! You still think you can defeat me? When will you learn that the world will never respect you the way they respect me? Because I am a powerful man with really good hair.
And you're What? Girls? Outcasts? Monster hunters? It's so cute that you think you can Oh, man! Shut up! - Go, go, go! - All right, who are you? And what are you idiots doing? God, you don't shut up, do you? That's right.
Come and get us, asshole! You really think that Stop.
Shut up, dude! Okay, we've had a day! Our guide is gone, you possessed her boyfriend and now you're telling us we're not worthy or powerful? We are freaking powerful as all freak! Hyah! All right.
Enough of this child's play! Show's over! I'm going to take you two out with my bare hands! No.
My world! Our world, you frickin' creep! Pudge Patrol mission: complete.
Who ruined my dance?! I go to all this trouble to give you the night of your lives and this is what I get in return? Is that blood? Ahem.
Eggs! Oh, Eggs! I think I just saw a monster! You did.
But I fought him off.
Who is this man? Who are you? Candace? Oh, are you okay? - Yeah, I-I guess.
- Yeah? I don't-I don't remember what happened.
Where's my mom? Oh, God! No! No, no, no, no, no.
No! No, Mom, what did you do? What-what happened? What happened? She she actually saved your life.
Well, why couldn't you save hers? Oh, Mom.
Mom, Mom, Mom.
I'm still talking to you, Mom.
Please don't go.
Please talk to me.
No, no.
Astrid! Sparrow! Oh, you're back! Wait! Are you back? I-I think I'm back.
Yeah, a little foggy, but I'm here.
What happened? Last thing I remember, I was getting in a car with Christine after detention Wait a second, I'm mad at you! Ah, thank God! Thank God that I'm mad at you? Yes, because now I know you're the real you! So, we have a lot to talk about.
Do you wanna get outta here? Nah, I'm not sure.
Unless maybe Philbert could come? Of course! Yeah.
And Philbert also wants to apologize for acting like a baby in detention about how you communicate when you clearly have a lot going on.
Well, if Philbert's down, I'd be willing to get real vulnerable with him.
Like straight-up TMI levels.
You're still talking about a lizard, yeah, 'cause he can't actually talk, so So, what the hell happened here tonight? I'll gonna fill you in on that later.
But first I gotta deal with something.
I guess this is it.
Do you feel like? Who will we be after all this is done? Yeah.
But I won't miss that vinegar vomit smell, though.
Goodbye dorky super leg! Here goes nothing.
Oh, shit! Thank frickin' God! Uh, did we just save the world? We just did that? I know, we just did that! I wish Brutus was here to see it.
Me, too.
Uh Do your hands feel weird? No.
I feel totally fine.
I am not cleaning this up.
Too much punch, girl.

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