Back to the Future (1991) s01e07 Episode Script

73008 - Time Waits for No Frog / Einstein's Adventure

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING) MAN: (SINGING) Tell me, Doctor, where are we going this time? Is this the '50s or 1999? All I wanted to do Was play my guitar and sing So take me away I don't mind But you better promise me I'll be back in time Gotta get back in time I'll be back in time Gotta get back in time FEMALE COMPUTERIZED VOICE: Adjusting auto iris.
(PHONE RINGING) Doc Brown here No, right here! Oh Hello? Doc, it's Marty.
I gotta see you right away! Uh That'll be a little difficult right now.
Trust me on that one.
But, Doc! I'll call you later, Marty.
Well, as you can see, or rather can't see, I'm invisible.
I'm experimenting with a new ointment that makes warts disappear, and I'm afraid it worked a little too well.
That's the thing with home remedies, sometimes they work, well, sometimes they don't.
But creating them is always an adventure.
Take Marty's tennis shoe.
(SNIFFS) Whoa Ugh That stinky sneaker was the source of considerable discomfort for Marty, and the search for its remedy led to an amazing adventure.
It all started one day in the lab.
MARTY: Oh! Ow, oh, ooh, ow, ouch.
Yikes.
Oh, ooh, oh, ahh, eee! Ugh.
Oh! Ow! How does that feel, Marty? Any improvement in your condition? I don't know, Doc.
I think the cure is gonna kill me.
Now, Marty.
The perpetual motion foot massage unit is not designed to cure athlete's foot, merely to make the condition more bearable by stimulating blood circulation to the upper epidermal surface.
Athlete's foot! A totally uncool affliction to be afflicted with.
Sometimes I don't understand you modern kids.
When I was a lad, athletes were the cat's PJ's.
Oh, the heck of it is, I'm so close to discovering a lotion which should rapidly cure you of the condition.
Now that would be a feat! However, the key Uh However, the key ingredient is terribly difficult to locate.
It could require quite an expedition.
Doc, I'll go anywhere to get rid of this stuff.
(ENGINE ROARS) MARTY: Whoa, Doc! I thought you meant a drugstore way across town, not the Amazon jungle in DOC: 1532.
A natural mistake, Marty.
Observe our quarry in today's search.
(BEEPING) MARTY: Eeugh! Look at that thing.
A Bufo marinus, Marty.
Magnificent, isn't it? This now-extinct frog not only grew to immense proportions, but, more important for our purposes, secreted an acidic substance from its sweat gland.
Which I'm supposed to rub on my feet? Get outta town.
Don't knock it till you've tried it, Marty.
Our search won't be easy.
Despite its size, the Bufo marinus is remarkably shy.
MARTY: Hey, if you looked like that, would you come out of the house? DOC: Be ever vigilant, Marty.
The jungle is filled with species who might find our presence here objectionable.
Marty? Thanks for the advice, Doc.
Coochy, coochy-coo! (HISSING AND LAUGHING) For goodness snake! I thought for sure I was anaconda sushi.
(GROWLING) (ANIMAL SOUNDS) What is this, rain forest rush hour? Marty, locating a Bufo marinus in the midst of this luxuriant flora and fauna will be similar to discerning a sewing implement amongst a proliferation of hewn alfalfa.
Or like tryin' to find a needle in a haystack.
DOC: That's what I said! Fortunately, I have come prepared with one device which will cause the Bufo to reveal his whereabouts.
Ah-ha! Like many animals, the Bufo marinus has a hearing range far higher than that of humans.
This tuning fork will emit a tone which, according to my calculations, should drive the little suckers crazy.
Doc, if that's all we need to find the frog, what's the rest of this stuff for? Backup.
Besides, once we find the Bufo marinus, we still have to catch it.
Bummer.
Must be broken.
Patience, Marty.
(CROAKING) MARTY: Whoa! A froggy sock hop! Haven't seen this many amphibians since I hiked through Calaveras county with Mark Twain.
Here you go, Marty.
Choose your target.
Good shot! Proceed rapidly! Jumping gigawatts! (STRUGGLING) Nice catch, but I think we're over our limit.
Marty, these are Spanish conquistadors, the most brutal invaders South America ever knew.
They sacked, they pillaged And we bail.
(SPEAKING SPANISH) What'd the big goon say? Uh He wants us to stop.
Here, utilize these universal linguistic translators so we can talk our way out of this.
Terribly sorry about this, sir.
Who do you think you are, old man? How dare you spring a trap on Biffando De La Tannez? Soon to be ruler of this entire land.
Biffando? Aw, these Tannens are like a bad fungus Always underfoot.
Sire, we were merely searching for frogs.
Frogs? Yes, a rare species, much prized in our country.
Please excuse the inconvenience.
Yeah, you won't hear another peep out of us.
You got that right.
No! Spare them.
Go in peace, strangers.
Thank you, sir.
A thousand pardons.
Yeah, like pardon me for breathin'.
Let's hightail it outta here.
(BARKING) Why did you let them go? Surely you didn't believe their absurd tale of frog hunting.
Of course not.
Like us, they are searching for the legendary City of Gold.
And they shall lead us right to it.
(LAUGHING) (ALL LAUGHING) Shut up! (SCREECHING) Whoa, Doc.
That was close.
Closer than you know, Marty.
The Spanish conquistadors were not known for their mercy.
I say we grab a frog and hit the road.
Stellar cogitation.
I concur.
(BOTH SCREAMING) BOTH: No! On the other hand, we could just hang out here for a while.
Doc, who are these guys? Incas, Marty.
And they don't look friendly.
Gee, you know, there's There's never a conquistador around when you need one.
CONQUISTADOR: Look, Captain.
The odd one and the runt have been captured by natives.
Perfect! We shall follow them at a distance, and then the City of Gold will be ours.
(EVIL LAUGHING) Feast your eyes, Marty! Gadzooks, but the lost City of Gold is amazing! Most people just get to read about this stuff in books.
Yeah, lucky us.
I can't wait to tell Clara about this place! INCA: You will tell no one! The location of the City of Gold Is a sacred secret.
Oh yeah? Then how'd you get here, chicken-head? And you shall take this sacred secret to your grave.
(LAUGHING) Hey, I can live with that.
Whoa! Are you talkin' death? Fascinating.
I've often wondered what the Inca methods of ritualized sacrifice were.
Yeah, I'm just dying to find out myself.
Behold! (SCREAMING) What's the big deal, Doc? It's just a bunch of frogs.
Don't you see, Marty? Those are Bufo marinus! The very frogs we were hunting! So? What's the worst that can happen? Terminal warts? (LAUGHING) Marty, a small amount of their poisonous secretion will cure your athlete's foot.
However, taken in large doses What, Doc, what? Remember what happened to the Wicked Witch at the end of The Wizard of Oz? Oh, yeah.
We won't be quite so lucky! What a world! CONQUISTADOR: Shall we attack now, mi capitan? Yes.
We shall surprise them during their pagan ceremony.
And remember, once we capture the King, the others will surrender.
(PLAYING LIVELY MUSIC) Hey, Doc, even though we're doomed, you gotta admit, that tune's not bad.
Cockeyed Copernicus! Marty, I just had a synaptic nerve impulse of magnificent proportions! Congratulations.
Boy or girl? Marty, I believe I can get us out of this whole fruit preserve made from boiled pulp.
Can you create a momentary diversion? Doc, I can hardly stand still, much less create a diversion.
My feet are killing me.
Then dance, Marty! Dance! (GASPING) Hey, fellas, pick up the beat! Let's rock and roll! Oh yeah, that's better.
Might I sit in and play a few licks? (CROAKING) (ALL SCREAMING) Ah, the runt has magical powers in his feet.
He controls the great hopping beasts of poison.
Be warned! Call off the sacrifice before the dancing wonder boy turns the frogs on you! Doc, either they're worshiping us, or somebody lost a contact lens.
BIFFANDO: Yoo-hoo! (POUNDING) Knockity-knock-knock.
Hello! Hello, anybody home? Holy bovine! It's Biffando De La Tannez.
Oh, not that conquista-dork.
He must have followed us here.
Oh, this is catastrophic.
The Spaniards will use their powerful fire sticks to conquer our city and steal our gold.
Not if I can help it, Your Chieftain.
Do you have any more of these frogs? Let me in or I'll huff (INHALES) And I'll puff Greetings, Biffando, I've been expecting you.
Just one piece of advice As you are terribly outnumbered, I suggest you immediately retreat.
Outnumbered? (LAUGHING) I got some advice for you Drop dead, butthead! (LAUGHS) I warned you.
(HIGH-FREQUENCY VIBRATIONS) ALL: Argh! (ALL SCREAMING) Yipes! Yeooow! (SCREAMING) We are forever in you debt, oh, great wizard.
Aww Call me Doc.
And thank you, Dances with Frogs.
Eh Call me Marty.
Say, do you mind if we take a few of these Bufos back home with us? Be my guest.
But please, tell no one else of our City of Gold.
Oh, no sweat, King.
Our lips are sealed for, uh Oh, at least 400 years.
But oh, great Doc, is there no way that you can keep the foreign invaders from returning? There may be one way Now, to make sure that the lost City of Gold remains lost.
KING: Anybody have a rope? (LAUGHING) Just think, Marty, we've brought an extinct species back to the future to start anew.
Yeah, Doc And my feet feel better already.
FEMALE COMPUTERIZED VOICE: Begin transmission.
Doc Brown here.
As you can see, I'm visible once again.
Unfortunately, so are my warts.
But let's talk about something invisible.
(HIGH-FREQUENCY TONE SOUNDING) Sound waves.
This simple tuning fork was all I needed to capture the Bufo marinus frog.
How does it work? This is an oscilloscope, an electronic device that produces a visual display of any sound.
What you see on screen is actually my voice, or rather, the sound waves created by my voice.
Wanna know more? Access video encyclopedia, section "S" for sound waves.
FEMALE COMPUTERIZED VOICE: Section "S.
" Entry: Sound waves.
DOC: Whenever something vibrates, such as my vocal cords, the vibrations are passed on to air molecules.
As each molecule touches another, the vibrations move on in a wave pattern, like the ripples on a pond when you throw a stone in the water.
Here's an experiment which you scientists of the future can do at home.
First ask your parents for a stem crystal glass.
Then wet your index finger and rub it lightly on the rim of the glass.
(HIGH-PITCHED HUMMING) Voila! You've created a musical instrument by setting off a vibration in the glass.
Now, the question arises, how do we hear these vibrations? Your ears contain what are called tympanic membranes, or ear drums to you non-scientists.
Sound waves travel through these membranes which are connected to the bones of the inner ear, and finally to our brains.
And that is how we hear.
(CROAKING) Some animals, such as frogs, have larger tympanic membranes which makes them sensitive to a greater range of sound frequencies.
(CROAKING) Just as frogs are sensitive to certain sounds, so are other animals.
For instance, dogs.
Behold, an ordinary dog whistle.
Its high-frequency sounds are virtually undetectable to the human ear, however (BLOWS WHISTLE) (DOG BARKING) Sorry, Einie.
I didn't realize you were napping.
But as long as you're up, what do you say we zip into town and run a quick errand? (ENGINE STARTING) All right, all right I'm coming.
I'll see you in the future! (TIRES SQUEALING) I tell you, Einie, the gas mileage in this car is terrible! Once again we're delayed en route to my favorite spot in town.
The location in question is nothing short of magical Wonderful! Transplendent! And it closes in seven minutes! Get in! Einie, did you hang up the nozzle? (TIRES SQUEALING) Einie, we're going to a place where fantasy and reality collide like excited neutrons.
And here we are! (LAUGHING) Sure you won't come in? Woof.
Five minutes, I promise.
Great Scott! The Hill Valley hardware store! (ALARM RINGING) Sidney, where's the getaway car? I thought you was gonna bring it, Frankie.
I brought It last time.
Aw, never mind! We'll take this heap.
How many clams did we get, Frankie, huh? (BOTH LAUGHING) Ahh! (GROWLING) (BOTH SCREAMING) (SCREAMING CONTINUES) FRANKIE: Uh-oh.
SIDNEY: I don't get this.
I can't believe what I'm seeing.
I know, this windshield's a mess.
Let's see, where's the wiper? Ahh! Ahh! Turn this thing off! Hello, Dr.
Brown.
Welcome to Sydney, Australia, 1790.
At this time, Australia, or New South Wales, was a British prison colony.
BOTH: Prison? The weather, hot and humid.
Hope you brought your shorts.
BOTH: Prison! Well, well, well.
What have we here? I never heard of prisoners breaking into a gaol before.
Well, we're not prisoners.
Hmm.
You are now.
(BAWLING) Woof, woof.
Please tell me this is some sort of terrible nightmare.
What'd ya do that for? Sorry, Frankie.
It slipped.
GUARD: Hey, you slackers! Back to work! Sidney, if we ever get outta here alive, I'm givin' up crime and goin' back to chef school.
And I'll enter the fast-paced world of computer repair technology, as seen advertised on late-night television.
Hey, it's the mutt! He's bustin' outta here! Ow! Run for it! Come back here, you Two Three, four, shut the door, Mabel! Poochie! Take us with you, please! You can even take us back to jail, just make it a Yeow! Nobody escapes from the hoosegow of Mongo P.
Tannen.
Thank you, nice poochie.
Ahh! (NERVOUS LAUGHING) (BOTH EXCLAIM) (SINGING) Hope you weren't too bored, Einie.
What in the name of Sir Isaac H.
Newton Empty! But I just filled it! I'm telling ya, Einie, the mileage on this thing is terrible! (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) This show has really gone to the dogs! And that first cartoon What a toad.
Which reminds me, which has more lives, a cat or a frog? Give up? It's a frog.
A cat has nine lives, but a frog "croaks" every night! Ha, ha, ha, ha Hey! Arghh!
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