Ballers (2015) s03e10 Episode Script

Yay Area

1 (INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING) REPORTER: There's a ton of excitement here in San Francisco about this weekend's owners' meeting.
SPENCER: Candace just endorsed a competing offer.
- JOE: (ON PHONE) What? - Turns out it's not Vegas she hates.
If I quit now, I control my own destiny.
I won't be nobody's pawn.
We're all paying for this thing, but I will take control.
We're going to pass, little brother.
So, you can keep your money or should I say, Dad's money.
Truth is maybe you have a couple of seasons left at best, but after that what are you? No offence, man, but I hope you and your deal fall flat on your ass.
Join with the other investors, Spencer.
You can't win.
SPENCER: I'd rather blow up this whole deal then to ever kiss that motherfucker's ring.
Are you ready to lay down your weapons and join a new team? Not a chance in hell.
That's a damn shame to hear.
I'm going with the other guys.
I guess I'll see you at the showdown.
Kane is in the building, nigga (MUSIC PLAYING) Now tell me how you love it, you know you at the top When only heaven's right above it, we on 'Cause we on Who else is really trying to fuck with Hollywood Cole? I'm with Marley G, bro Flying Hollygrove chicks to my Hollywood shows And I wanna tell you something that you probably should know This that "Slumdog Millionaire" Bollywood flow And, uh My real friends never hearing from me Fake friends write the wrong answers on the mirror for me That's why I pick and choose, I don't get shit confused Don't like my women single, I like my chicks in twos And these days all the girls is down to roll I hit the strip club and all them bitches find the pole Plus, I been sippin', so this shit is moving kinda slow Just tell my girl to tell her friend that it's time to go (MEN SHOUTING) Do you know San Francisco is consistently voted one of the happiest cities in America? Yeah? Then why do I feel so fucking miserable right now? (SCOFFS) Heavy is the head that wears the crown.
(CHUCKLES) The only thing I'm wearing is a fucking noose around my neck.
In the immortal words of Aaron Rodgers, R-E-L-A-X.
- Oh, my God.
- This is not good for my hip.
Oh, we get it, you're in shape.
Fuck you! So there's a competing offer, and they stole our land, and they have the league's blessing, and they have a shit-ton of money.
Big fucking whoop.
Competition is the cornerstone of capitalism, and if you can't beat 'em, fucking join 'em, and then you fuck them over later.
That's a lesser-known cornerstone of capitalism.
Thank you.
I can't believe with the shit that Candace put me through, she's on board with another group.
- Man, fuck her.
- Okay.
You gotta suck up your foolish pride for a second.
Lean over the plate, take one for the team.
I promise it'll only sting for a second.
- Baseball analogies don't work on me, Joe.
- (CHUCKLES) Well, if we merge, we stay in the fight.
Listen, there's no way that Wayne and Candace are even gonna cut us in fairly.
Don't take this as a lack of confidence, okay, but when you stepped into this world, I told you you would have to eat your hat every now and again.
Now just seems like one of those times to break out the knife and fork.
I'm just saying my idea of our retirement didn't involve you settling down with a kid and Amber in California.
It's just a visit, T.
She trying to trap you, man, just like Kanye said Amber Rose did to Wiz Khalifa.
Both bitches even named Amber.
- Don't call her no bitch.
- I didn't call her no bitch.
I'm just saying the bitch got an ironic name is all.
Look, a man gotta take care of his family.
We're his fucking family, Dennis! I gotta do this, T.
New England ain't fucking with me, and I ain't chasing another contract until I get my head straight.
News flash, nigga your head ain't never been straight.
Maybe Amber could change that.
Or maybe you'll just end up neck-deep in sour titty milk and shitty Pampers, wondering how the fuck you got there.
And I ain't gonna be around to remind you.
Well, if the Lord wills it, so be it.
(SCOFFS) Oh, now Jesus back in the house? You're gonna need him, man.
That nigga's in love with you.
- Spencer Strasmore.
- Oh, Jesus.
- What is it, like the third time? - Fourth.
(SIGHS) Somebody's needy.
Hey, it's my new bestie, Spencer.
You know, it's so flattering being courted by an ex-NFL star.
Do you want a piece of this or not? I'm tired of fucking around.
JULIAN: I don't take a piece of anything unless it's a piece of ass.
I'll take that any day of the week.
What time are you getting over here? Well I'm looking for a parking space now.
I should've known they changed their minds.
The Chargers don't want some Dolphins cast-off who was probably promoted too quick anyway.
JASON: I'm sorry that things didn't pan out for you there, but the Rams got a spot open that they wanna talk to you about.
Let me guess, equipment manager? General manager.
GM? The Chargers didn't even want me as a assistant.
No way L.
gambles on me.
No, they're shaking things up over there.
They just hired the youngest coach in league history.
Theo Epstein was 30 years old when he got the Red Sox their first World Series, and then another one three years later.
Yeah, then he reversed the curse in Chicago.
Cute like you, too.
I think you and Coach would click.
Owner's in San Francisco for the meeting, so they got Mangini running your interview.
I stole this from Schneider.
- Seahawks GM? - Yeah, he's my boy.
It covers everything from handling DUIs to finding players housing to defensive and offensive schemes.
- Take it.
- Yeah, but you stole from your friend? He left it in the car.
I borrowed it.
No, I can't grab credit for another man's work.
JULIE: Use it for inspiration and make it your own.
- Like a rapper.
- Just read it fast, because your meeting's today in Los Angeles.
I already booked your ticket.
(SCOFFS) So you expect me to learn all this in five hours on the flight? You know most of it already, Charles.
Besides, you'll be traveling with an old study buddy.
You can do it, baby.
Get out of my way.
- (STAMMERING) - Let go.
- Just hear me out.
- But the deal is dead.
- Now let go of my fucking bag.
- No! Let go of my Look, you can't go yet, okay? Julian's coming in to talk.
I'm sorry, what? You called my little brother? Yeah, Spencer did.
He called your little brother because with Wayne gone, we need the extra firepower.
(CHUCKLES, SNORTS) Oh, my God, you fucking guys.
Look, we didn't create this situation.
We're dealing with it the way we always do.
Stop acting like a bitch-ass little crybaby and just talk to your brother like a fucking man! What the what else are you gonna do? - (MUSIC PLAYING) - (WHISTLE TRILLS) DEXTER: So what, you, like, Vern's manager? REGGIE: I handle his important business, - like his suspension.
- (WHISTLE TRILLS) Four games was a grave injustice.
I thought Spencer was the one that took care of Vernon's thing.
I handled it.
Walked down there, dropped the truth.
Next thing that happened, Vern is out with only two games and saved $2 million in salary.
You the one that got him that weed deal.
Should be a legit product.
We made a lot of paper endorsing it until the league started tripping.
When they finally take it off this banned substance list, we're gonna have a foothold.
I also put us in on the ground floor of this virtual reality company.
Paying off huge.
A friend took me to one of them places to play "Call of Duty.
" - The shit gave me "PSTD.
" - Ah.
(CHUCKLES) See, gonna change the way the game is played and watched.
Oh, and the sex stuff, nigga, it's off the fucking chain.
I'd rather get laid for real.
Like I said, you need anything taken care of, I can handle it.
- Hi.
- How you doing? Tired.
Wayne flew me in late last night.
Yeah, well, a secret weapon never sleeps.
(CHUCKLES) Well, that wasn't the only thing that was keeping me up.
You really pissed me off.
I know, and I'm sorry, and and, you know, look, you know me.
Right? I like to put things in boxes and then sometimes I forget about the boxes, and then sometimes I leave them sitting too long, and it's it's that same old thing, right? I gotta get better at it, I know.
This isn't the time for that.
Wayne has known about us for a while.
He says it's a conflict of interest.
That asshole calls us a conflict of interest? Well, that asshole put me in a corner office.
All right, well, come work with me.
Yeah, I got a lot of great things going on.
- It'd be amazing.
- (CHUCKLES) You're gonna lose this deal, big-time.
Candace Brewer is in Wayne's pocket, and she has all the influence Wayne needs to close.
This is her golden parachute.
She's stepping down from the league once this is approved.
I fucking knew she was dirty.
Everyone involved in this needs a fucking bath.
- (PHONE BEEPING) - Everyone.
I gotta go.
Good luck later.
Fucking dirty.
Tell me why Is it so I wanna let you go Never can say goodbye, girl Ooh, ooh, baby Love (STAMMERS) (MUSIC PLAYING OVER HEADPHONES) You need help? I need you to shut off the Jackson 5 concert.
You just need to loosen up.
(EXHALES) See, you too hung up on these Xs and Os, fam.
The key to nailing a job like this is not to say too much, but don't say too little.
- (SNIFFS) - And how much is too much? Pssh, more than you need.
And how much is too little? Not enough.
- Real helpful, Ricky.
- (CHUCKLES) - Thanks a lot.
- Look, well, I'm saying - I'm saying you got the talent - (SIGHS) you got the personality, you got the passion and the skills.
Yeah, but I don't have the experience.
Well, the only way to get the experience is to have the experience.
Take being a dad.
You got the experience with that? No.
No, no, save a few books that Julie gave me that I never read.
And yet, you're one of the best dads I've ever seen.
Those books don't make a difference.
It's all about the love and the instinct, just like the game.
My queen got machine gun hips, better duck once they go off Takes aim, no intentions to miss, oh, my - Hello, big brotha.
- Yeah, okay, hi.
(SIGHS) Spencer's been, uh, wooing me.
When your boy here drops the foul language and the name-calling, - his ideas make sense.
- (CHUCKLES) Well, if you weren't such a dick-fuck, prick-fuck fuck, then maybe we wouldn't have to call you a name.
- Yeah.
- JOE: Julian's here to help.
Yeah, help yourself with the profits.
- Man, go fuck yourself.
- Go fuck yourself, - you little fucking cocksucker.
- Fuck off.
- (ARGUMENT CONTINUES) - Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! What the fuck? That's how you talk to your own flesh and blood? God damn it.
Man, I've seen Josh Norman and OBJ talk to each other with more respect.
- Football guys.
- Go to sleep.
Hey, you guys are fucking lucky to still have each other.
I'd give my right fucking arm to still have my brother around.
Someone who understands me, someone I know who I can count on, who will always be there for me.
Don't piss this away, okay? Because it's all gonna be gone one day, and guess what, you'll never fucking get this back.
Well, I'm not giving up control - for a few extra dollars.
- (SCOFFS) - It's not gonna happen.
- You don't have to, okay? You guys are gonna share control of the deal and the stadium during and after construction.
You guys have the chance to build something beautiful.
"Andersonville, a place to bring your families.
" Think of the irony.
I do enjoy irony.
So, how do you mooks fit into all this? - We're the muscle.
- Yeah.
I love family, but if you two don't nail this presentation, then none of this is gonna happen.
And we don't have land in Las Vegas, but our competition does.
We don't need land in Las Vegas.
- (WHISTLE TRILLS) - REGGIE: Yo, Dex, uh, have a great night.
Always do.
Yeah, that's what I heard, and Vern told me you got a problem.
Yo, you told him? Man, my bad, bro.
But Reg, he a good fixer.
DEXTER: Ain't nothing to fix.
Tape gonna leak and all hell gonna break loose.
Can I see it? - Nigga, the video.
- (VERNON CHUCKLES) Let him see, Dex.
He can help.
- DEXTER'S VOICE: Hey, babe, I'm recording.
- You are? Oh, wait, okay.
(MUSIC PLAYING) Come over here, Doug.
Man, why I gotta be Doug again? - 'Cause I've always wanted to do him.
- (REGGIE WINCES) DEXTER'S VOICE: But I'm a Cowboy, baby.
This is blasphemy.
- WENDY: Don't break character.
- Why can't I be someone else? My Obama impression's pretty tight.
- Baby, you look so sexy.
- Uh-huh.
WENDY: Don't be shy.
Give me the camera.
DEXTER'S VOICE: It's all for you.
(CHUCKLES) I've always wanted to do the first black quarterback to win the Super Bowl.
Oh, baby, you've earned it.
Man, go fuck yourselves.
- Yo, man, yo oh, shit.
- (COUGHS) Listen, man, don't even sweat this.
VERNON: Man, that shit funny.
It ain't nasty.
I got two words for you Kimberly Kardashian.
Never even fucking existed before she smashed Ray J on tape.
Bitch got a what, empire, a private jet, and more money than God.
And married to Kanye, who think he God.
"Keeping Up" is her favorite show.
So if the tape just so happens to leak, then we got this.
(SIGHS) I guess, man.
(DOORBELL RINGS) Ah, my word.
Ricky Jerret.
Ah, now I see where she gets her looks from.
This one's for you, Ma.
Well, it's been a long time since a man has bought me flowers.
Yeah, I don't believe that.
Is Amber home? Can I speak to her? Oh, yeah, sweetie.
Amber! Company! (LOCK CLICKS) RICKY: Hey.
Uh, brought these for you.
I'll take those, yeah.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
(SIGHS) Look, a lot of a lot of crazy stuff been going on.
Stuff you don't know about.
Hell, I didn't even know about, but it forced me to drill down on my priorities.
My priorities are you and our child.
I know I ain't earned it, but can you give me another chance, Amber? Please? If you don't kiss him now, girl, I will.
That feels like a yes.
- Of course it's a yes.
- (CHUCKLES) - Oh, yes.
- Just so we're clear, you're dealing with a brother without a job.
We don't need football.
We got each other.
(CHUCKLES) And me.
Well, since we got we - AMBER: Mm-hmm.
- Record me, Mom? Ha, as long as you don't call me "Mom" again.
- It's Grandma now.
- (ALL LAUGHING) - She liked that one.
- I know All right, here we go, here we go, here we go.
What up, y'all? (CHUCKLES) Coach Bill, Tommy Tom, my receiving crew, my Pats teammates, and all my fans out there who loved and supported me through my roller coaster of a career, I found a new career now.
It don't pay as much, but the perks are amazing.
So, without further ado, it's time, it's time to hang up my cleats and my pads - and start my new life as a father.
- What the fuck? God bless you all.
- God bless America.
- (AMBER CHUCKLES) You know Richard Sherman came out in the fifth round? - Really? - Yeah, yeah.
I figure we get the right back end playing behind that D-line, pfft, Goff only needs to get us about 17 points a game to make the playoffs.
And that's all in the, uh the binder you prepared? Oh, yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Right there.
Right there.
Yes, sir.
(SIGHS) So, you need all this to tell us that our secondary is shit? There's other stuff in there, too.
Like my philosophy on culture building.
Look, you're obviously very bright, and Jason says a lot of great things about you.
But organizationally, we need more stability, and, um, my gut's saying that we're probably gonna go in a different direction.
All right.
Thank you.
Thanks for coming in.
Good luck to you, okay? (CLEARS THROAT) You know what? That book ain't even mine anyway.
But if I had one, it would say that the front office is as much of a team as the one that we put out on the field.
Now, for me, I want coaches, scouts, and players, all that are good teammates.
Now, you don't win in this league by having the biggest or fastest athletes or the highest payroll.
You can't time, measure, or put a price on what's in a man's heart or his passion for the game.
No! No, no, no.
Heart is the reason that I was able to succeed in this league as a player and then a scout.
And heart is the same reason that I know I'll succeed at bringing the Rams back to the Super Bowl.
Now what you think about that? I think this is the guy that I wanted to interview.
- Sit back down.
- Yes, sir.
Joe, can you remind me why the hell we stayed here again? To remind ourselves we're nothing like those pricks we're competing against.
- (SPENCER CHUCKLES) - And I had a Groupon.
I can pretty much guaran-damn-tee that they slept a whole hell of a lot better than we did.
I think I need new hip surgery.
My plan is working perfectly.
You're better when you're feisty.
Can I touch you to see if you're real? I'd fuck us.
- (ELEVATOR DINGS) - You sure about this? Yeah, we're sure.
Why you bothering him? Of course he's sure.
- You're sure you're sure.
- Yes, we're fully sure.
Who the fuck's in there, Dave Chappelle? Wayne's new money boys.
Well, you better have your A game.
Try not to call anyone "fuckface.
" (DOOR OPENS) ANDERSON: A regular Laugh Factory in there, huh? Wanted to loosen them up for ya.
Broke out some material from the old improv days.
My stuff holds up.
(CHUCKLES) Welcome, Spencer, Joe.
And you must be the Anderson brothers.
The resemblance is striking.
It's a bad hair day for me.
(CHUCKLES) Please come in.
- Hey.
- SPENCER: Let's do it.
Should've come with us.
Shame it ends this way.
(CHUCKLES) Fuck you.
How's that for improv? (CHUCKLES) Excuse me.
(SIGHS) I know you're soiling the sheets with those guys.
You want a lollipop, black Kojak? So do they.
Wow, that was an impressive group.
How about that Wayne Hastings? What a world-class showman he is.
- (MEN CHUCKLING) - Had a lot of very exciting things to say.
As we're sure you do, too.
We do.
We do, but but unlike our competitors who just left the room, we're not here to, uh to wow you on, um on the spectacle of Las Vegas.
No, because contrary to popular belief, football is not a is not a game of escapism.
I'll tell you why.
When Khalil Mack zeroes in on a quarterback or when Derek Carr decides to tuck it and run, I mean, your mind doesn't go someplace else.
No, you're glued to your seat and you're waiting, you're waiting for that impact.
And when that collision happens, you feel it in your bones and you become alive right where you're at.
I don't give a damn what the online gambling sites say.
Football ain't fantasy.
Football is reality.
And the reality here is that the Oakland Raiders they need to stay in Oakland.
(ALL MURMURING) Well, that's, um ahem, a very romantic notion.
Actually, um, it's more practical than you might think.
Hardly what we were expecting.
Oh, just like us not expecting a competing group.
JOE: The Bay Area is a much larger TV market than Vegas.
And that's important now that ratings are taking a tumble.
I mean, think about that the Oakland Raiders, they could take a page right out of the Golden State Warriors' playbook.
Right? Now look at them.
They're an international brand.
Global powerhouse.
They're attracting massive superstars like Kevin Durant.
Highest TV ratings in the league right now.
They're building a new arena.
Their merchandise is flying off the shelf.
And like the Warriors, the silver and black is back.
(ALL CHUCKLING) As a matter of fact, why don't you guys take a look for yourselves? MELVIN OVER MEGAPHONE: Raider Nation, what it do?! (CROWD CHEERING) MELVIN: When I say "Raiders," you say "stay"! - Raiders! Raiders! - CROWD: Stay! Stay! When I say "Raiders," you say "stay"! - Raiders! Raiders! - CROWD: Stay! Stay! - Raiders! - Stay! - ALL: Raiders! - (AIR HORN BLARING) Raiders! - (CHEERING) - (AIR HORN BLARING) - (BOSSMAN CHUCKLES) - Do they have permits? (CHUCKLES) - (CHEERING) - (AIR HORN BLARING) As you guys can clearly see, the fans, they're ready to they're ready to watch, they're ready to wear the colors.
When you guys uprooted the Chargers, the fans, they were, uh they were justifiably upset.
(CHUCKLES) I mean, you hurt them.
Moving a third team in two years, it's very dangerous to your brand.
Raider Nation deserves the good fortune and revenue that building a stadium here will generate.
CANDACE: Thanks to you, Spencer, Las Vegas has already approved public funding.
That's $750 million.
It's infinitely more lucrative to build there.
Well, no, no.
Not not (CLEARS THROAT) not if the Oakland project is financed privately.
With my brother Julian and his multibillion-dollar corporation coming aboard, taxpayers, the fans won't have to pay a cent.
- Not one red cent.
- (MEN MURMURING) And why on Earth would you want to spend your own money, Julian? Ahem, well, uh you know, we Andersons like to own things outright.
Whether it's a telecom conglomerate or a tech firm, our family name has tremendous value.
And like all you distinguished gents (SUCKS TEETH) I got a shitload of money.
(ALL LAUGHING) - I love money.
- SPENCER: I mean, think about it, using our own private money to build a state-of-the-art stadium in Oakland compared to forcing the fans to pay in Sin City, the truth is it's gonna make all you guys and the league look like good guys instead of looking like a bunch of greedy, out-of-touch, old white men.
Oh, well, offending people is what you do.
But what he said is intriguing.
Oh, well, yes, of course, there is some value to the argument, but it's too big a shift right now.
That was a very good presentation by four old whitish guys.
- (ALL CHUCKLING) - No offense.
Well, we'll discuss it.
Thank you for coming in.
Thank you all for your time.
- Thank you.
- Yes, thank you.
(DOOR OPENS) - Clever.
- (CHATTER) Spencer.
You got a real feel for the big stage, but you fucked us all.
Oh, I don't think that's the case, Candace.
You won't get the votes.
They don't want you under center, no matter how stirring an argument you make.
I will get the votes, and you're gonna be out of a job.
So, really, it's just you that I fucked.
- Mmm.
- But I wouldn't take that the wrong way, 'cause I'm just not interested.
Oh, bullshit.
You know, it's hard not to admire your idealism.
It's almost a shame to watch them pulverize it.
We need you a minute, doll.
It has been an absolute pleasure.
All mine, Candace.
(DOOR CLOSES) - (MUSIC PLAYING) - We should've heard by now.
It's never good leaving a room without a definitive answer.
JOE: Unless that definitive answer is no.
Can you get lung cancer in three hours? That shit will kill you.
Stop, Bret.
Well, I feel like I'm dying a slow, painful death.
Maybe I should jump.
Glad you called.
No, good time.
I was just at the gym.
Of course.
I understand.
Yeah, I'll pass that along.
(CHUCKLES) You gonna fuck with us? Owners love the idea of private money.
Raiders stadium is ours to build! - (ALL CHEERING) - Come here, you! Get in here! This does not happen without you.
- Oh, don't forget that.
- I will not forget that.
- Come on, Bret! - ANDERSON: All right! Oh, my God.
Come on, let's go.
- Let's do it! - Oh, beautiful.
- Not one "fuckface"! - Not one.
Not one.
There's just there's just one hitch.
It's not happening in Oakland.
The fuck you mean? Well, they're rolling with the original plan, but the Vegas taxpayers get spared the expense.
JULIAN: So, hey, okay, my dough washes blood from their claws, right? No big deal.
It's just a bigger piece for all of us, right? Yeah, you got it.
The pitch was that we build the stadium here in Oakland and, more importantly than that, we make sure the team stays with the people.
Yeah, we had a rally, you know? I wrote a chant in the tub while I was washing.
We needed to present something radical.
You did it.
We did it.
You did it in spades.
They met us halfway.
What's the problem? Yeah, well, the problem is meeting us halfway isn't my way.
Wait, hold on, are you seriously gonna throw this away because it's not your way? I mean, come on, you made it, man! - You're in this very exclusive club now.
- This is rarified air.
Well, I just decided that that's not a club I wanna be a part of.
- So, fuck their membership.
- (SNIFFS) How about that? And I'm gonna make sure we get paid.
(MUSIC PLAYING) You guys are being really white right now.
Morning, Marcus.
(DOOR RATTLES) (EXHALES) The fuck you locking the door for? Where the fuck have you been? - (EXHALES) - This is an angry mob out here.
All right, well, they say you never become a true leader until your team hates you just as much as they love you.
Oh, well, great.
I've arrived, then.
So have you, by the way.
SPENCER: Who the fuck would write that? Throw a ball in there and you'll hit one.
Come on, can we just go do this? Okay, ahem, here's the deal.
Shouldn't you boys be on a bus to nowhere by now? We're sorry.
Okay? Yes, we are.
And, guys, we should've never have agreed to sell the company.
Now, Spencer and I, ahem, we've come to realize that babysitting stuffy, entitled billionaires is way less fun than minding soulful overnight millionaires.
So we're happy to say that ASM is officially off the sales block.
- (ALL CHEERING) - SPENCER: All right? And not only that Andersons have wired us funds so we can expand.
- MAN: Whoo! - Yeah, that's right.
We're talking all sports, multiple cities, new frontiers! - Chicago.
- Chicago! - L.
- L.
! - New York.
- New York! - London.
- London! - Fucking Budapest! - All that shit! Marrakech! The South of France! It's your pick, anywhere you wanna go.
(CHEERING CONTINUES) 50 bands later, you the one I want 100 bands later, you the one I want (VOCALIZING) 150 bands later, you the one I want 200 bands, baby, you the one I want (VOCALIZING) I, I got it now, yeah, yeah, got it now I prayed for 50s, but now I throw 100s now At first, you was likey-likey, now you love it now First, I was touchy-touchy, now I'm touching down, oh, oh, oh, oh I don't think they understand, I don't think they understand I don't tell 'em about our plans, no, oh, oh, oh Don't tell left hand about the right hand Don't show your colors unless it's vibrant All real move in silence 50 bands later, you the one I want 100 bands later, you the one I want (VOCALIZING)